lanibi:
Wow
I feel bad for the woman who will get married to you.
What a mentality.

It might even be you, who knows?
Except of course you're already married but if not....

So will you now feel bad for yourself?

PrimadonnaO:


Ohhh. I see where the problem lies. Apparently where I come from, women are educated, building a career or a thriving business, they bring their own quota to running the home, and they bear wedding costs together.
It would seem that it is not so where you come from... so a woman has no say in her home, and must live her life tethering to the every need of her husband and whoever he so pleases.

@the coloured quote... Lol. There's such a thing as balance. Take what's relevant and discard the rest.
It totally irks me when I still hear some men saying "African men are polygamous in nature. Our fathers had 5-7 wives." I really wonder what's stopping those men from marrying the 5 wives today. They should go and marry 5 wives nau...

Errrrrrr no i don't think so, no woman sincerely wants to bear any wedding cost, so all that is just story for tortoise.

Isn't that reason I'll want to marry a Man that is financially comfortable so he can bear all the cost? definitely Yes.

ImaIma1:


You are right. And it's because it's not the man that cares for these relatives when they come. Neither is he the one who is put under criticism or high expectations.

Imagine me going to the market with stitches after delivery even if I had my mum inlaw and 2 sisters inlaw around for omugwo.

Do you think I would want her to come next time I put to bed? No way! If it were my own younger siblings, I would have been able to scold them properly or tell them to leave my house since they were not useful to me. The relatives themselves are not innocent.

The very long and short of it all. I’ll just assume that most of these men simply lack the capacity to understand... lots of them even lack the balls to protect their wives. For some of them their idea of being men is just to bring out money.

PrimadonnaO:


The very long and short of it all. I’ll just assume that most of these men simply lack the capacity to understand... lots of them even lack the balls to protect their wives. For some of them their idea of being men is just to bring out money.

.. I read her comments and got so angry with her. Why is she putting the blame solely on her MIL and exonorating her husband who didn't see anything wrong in what his mum and siblings were doing?

Is it not the priority of the man to protect his wife at all times?

Can't the husband caution his mum?

The MIL got it all wrong, yes but the protector of the house lacked in his duties.

JONNYSPUTE:
.. Bros don fall for this. If her husband should allow her to be going to the market in such condition just to please his mum,then she should put the blame on him and not the MIL.

How can a man put his wife in such situation and still claim he loves her?

It's either she is lying or ........ complete it.

Lol, well I went with it because she has shared that stuff before.
I don't think she still has her own mother, if I can remember correctly..

ImaIma1, come and squash the disbelief na.

truthsayer009:


Errrrrrr no i don't think so, no woman sincerely wants to bear any wedding cost, so all that is just story for tortoise.

Isn't that reason I'll want to marry a Man that is financially comfortable so he can bear all the cost? definitely Yes.

Lol. When every one of my female cousins got married; they contributed to their wedding, and I know this because I’m close to them. The last one who got married, my family actually took care of 80% cost. Personally, I faulted her husband for allowing that, though.

So it doesn’t seem like it’s just my family, a friend’s elder sister got married a few months ago, and she took care of her cake, wedding dress, makeup and hall decor. The point really is that, she has the responsibility to still make her input.
Personally, I won’t do a 50/50 anyway.

But then again, these things are always relative to circumstances, the type of ceremony, the people involved, etc.

JONNYSPUTE:
.. I read her comments and got so angry with her. Why is she putting the blame solely on her MIL and exonorating her husband who didn't see anything wrong in what his mum and siblings were doing?

Is it not the priority of the man to protect his wife at all times?

Can't the husband caution his mum?

The MIL got it all wrong, yes but the protector of the house lacked in his duties.

Yes, all true. But imagine now if those set of people were to come live indefinitely in their home?

truthsayer009:


Errrrrrr no i don't think so, no woman sincerely wants to bear any wedding cost, so all that is just story for tortoise.

Isn't that reason I'll want to marry a Man that is financially comfortable so he can bear all the cost? definitely Yes.

Leave that chic, most of them will just type anything as if the people reading are not living in the real world. We know Nigerian women like the back of our hands.

After claiming that women share wedding costs on the first page, by page4 when I quipped her about the thread on front page about wedding gown, she started speaking Arabic.

Abi wedding gown no be part of the wedding cost she claims women bear.

PrimadonnaO:



Yes, all true. But imagine now if those set of people were to come live indefinitely in their home?

Nobody lives INDEFINITELY.
Will they get old and grey, then die there?

You probably don't know the meaning of the word.

crackkhaus:

Nobody lives INDEFINITELY.
Will they get old and grey, then die there?

You probably don't know the meaning of the word.

For a long time, with no defined end. That’s what “indefinitely” means.

If a relative comes to my house because he was posted to my location for NYSC, I know he’s only going to be around for a year max. If someone is around because they’ve come for an interview, I know they are only going to be around for as long as the interview ends and they get a job, and perhaps the first few months it will take for him to settle in and get their own house.

But when someone just comes to my house with no specific purpose, then it’s indefinite. I don’t want that in my young marriage. If I’ve been married for say 25/30 years, then maybe I’ll love the idea. At that time, I probably won’t be walking around the house naked... hubby and I would have known and come to understand each other a lot better, the chances of a discord based on an external party would have been greatly reduced, my children are grown up and I’m no longer scared of them being taught ideals I don’t favour, or being exposed to unwholesome stuff.

Lol. Really, let’s just bring this matter to an end. Everyone should do what works for them. Everyone with the way they like to run their home.

JONNYSPUTE:

Please be honest here. For the Omugwo,it's your own mum that is supposed to come not your mother in-law except your mum is no more and even in such cases, your siblings are the ones who are supposed to take care of you

Anybody that is capable of taking care of a baby can come for Omugwo. We have "Nigerianized" too many things to the extent we generate biases and hatreds toward relatives and families. Omugwo is not peculiar to Igbo or Nigeria. People give birth and raise babies all over the world.

For as long as I'm willing to accommodate my in-laws with love and respect, my folks, as a matter of necessity, shall be accommodated and treated with love and respect. So what if my wife doesn't love my family? Well, I won't be so senseless to make such a generational mistake of marrying a woman that dislikes my family. You can't love me without loving my family.

Acidosis:


Anybody that is capable of taking care of a baby can come for Omugwo. We have "Nigerianized" too many things to the extent we generate biases and hatreds toward relatives and families. Omugwo is not peculiar to Igbo or Nigeria. People give birth all over the world.

.. Yes you are right but mind you that in most cases,the women feel more comfortable with their own mum taking care of them and the baby.

So if it happens that it her MIL that came and starts misbehaving,allowing a woman that just gave birth to cook,wash,go to market and the husband didnt see anything wrong with that,how do you come around and put the whole blame on her? Why can't the man protect her?

PrimadonnaO:



Yes, all true. But imagine now if those set of people were to come live indefinitely in their home?

. Lol@ indefinitely. See there's no problem that doesn't have a solution. Just apply wisdom.

JONNYSPUTE:
.. Yes you are right but mind you that in most cases,the women feel more comfortable with their own mum taking care of them and the baby.

So if it happens that it her MIL that came and starts misbehaving,allowing a woman that just gave birth to cook,wash,go to market and the husband didnt see anything wrong with that,how do you come around and put the whole blame on her? Why can't the man protect her?

Well, husbands and wives understand their mothers so well so they are in the best position to determine when their mothers should or shouldn't visit. Some mothers have grown too old to run around, while some are just lazy to lift a finger.

When it comes to work, I doubt any mother can do half as much as what my mom would do. So you can't conclude that men generally have lazy mothers. My mom still offers to wash my clothe, beddings, and cook (the few times she's visited). She would volunteer to do even more for her grand child. Meanwhile I have seen wives that do nothing but quarrel all day with their mothers. Mothers and daughters (especially first daughters) see themselves as competitors. Omugwo is the reason some of them try to get along.

Acidosis:


Well, husbands and wives understand their mothers so well so they are in the best position to determine when their mothers should or shouldn't visit. Some mothers have grown too old to run around, while some are just lazy to lift a finger.

When it comes to work, I doubt any mother can do half as much as what my mom would do. So you can't conclude that men generally have lazy mothers. My mom still offers to wash my clothe, beddings, and cook (the few times she's visited). She would volunteer to do even more for her grand child. Meanwhile I have seen wives that do nothing but quarrel all day with their mothers. Mothers and daughters (especially first daughters) see themselves as competitors.

.. Oh yes. If any of the mum that comes around for Omugwo is either too old or too lazy to do the needful,then the husband should be the one going to the market or better still employ the services of a nanny to do that if he is too busy. Not a woman that just put to bed.

Do you know what these women pass through during and after child birth? The squatting,the very hot water massaging to heal her if there was a cut during the process of pushing? Or stitches in the case of surgery?

If men can't protect their wives,who will?.

Note I never said men have lazy mothers.I don't know where you got that one from.

My wife gave birth and I was the one that prepared her food that day and took it to the hospital before her mum came.

PrimadonnaO:


Lol. When every one of my female cousins got married; they contributed to their wedding, and I know this because I’m close to them. The last one who got married, my family actually took care of 80% cost. Personally, I faulted her husband for allowing that, though.

So it doesn’t seem like it’s just my family, a friend’s elder sister got married a few months ago, and she took care of her cake, wedding dress, makeup and hall decor. The point really is that, she has the responsibility to still make her input.
Personally, I won’t do a 50/50 anyway.

But then again, these things are always relative to circumstances, the type of ceremony, the people involved, etc.

Certainly their husbands aren't financially capable enough to bear the cost & they couldn't continue to wait for the man's excuse of there is no money now, so let's wait a little while.

It was not a case of I am happy footing the bills, or I'm happy doing it 50/50.

At the end of the day, women all want Rich spouses but in reality how many will end up with one?

I can tell you my eldest sister had a similar story and she was definitely mad about it lmao.

You think those educated Igbo ladies who married Rich indigenous business Men from Anambra don't know what their doing, abeg leave story.

JONNYSPUTE:
. The truth of the matter is that most of you ladies find it difficult to have a mutual relationship with your in-laws, including my wife.

Well, it is not difficult for me because of the systems in place.

bukatyne:


Well, it is not difficult for me because of the systems in place.

.. Ok. Good

truthsayer009:


Certainly their husbands aren't financially capable enough to bear the cost & they couldn't continue to wait for the man's excuse of there is no money now, so let's wait a little while.

It was not a case of I am happy footing the bills, or I'm happy doing it 50/50.

At the end of the day, women all want Rich spouses but in reality how many will end up with one?

I can tell you my eldest sister had a similar story and she was definitely mad about it lmao.

You think those educated Igbo ladies who married Rich indigenous business Men from Anambra don't know what their doing, abeg leave story.

Can we tie this wedding bills thingy to culture?

In Yoruba land, the wife's family foots the feeding which is bulk of the bills. The couple would sort out the clothes, halls etc. There would still be sponsors who would pick certain stuffs like photography, rings etc. depending on their pocket.

When my male relatives were getting married, the husbands send bulk money to the wives' family and they sort out everything. We strolled there and went to flex.

When my female relatives got married, we started running around months to.

Work wan kill person die even with hired caterers with visiting the market as if the world is coming to an end.

The bride price sef is returned and while the groom brings engagement list, the bride's family still give gifts to the groom's family on their way home.

This is why the traditional and white weddings are done at the wife's base.

Please specify the culture abeg before I vex.

Don't rubbish the efforts Yoruba brides and their families put into making the wedding (which is also like a send forth ceremony) a success.

PrimadonnaO:


For a long time, with no defined end. That’s what “indefinitely” means.

If a relative comes to my house because he was posted to my location for NYSC, I know he’s only going to be around for a year max. If someone is around because they’ve come for an interview, I know they are only going to be around for as long as the interview ends and they get a job, and perhaps the first few months it will take for him to settle in and get their own house.

But when someone just comes to my house with no specific purpose, then it’s indefinite. I don’t want that in my young marriage. If I’ve been married for say 25/30 years, then maybe I’ll love the idea. At that time, I probably won’t be walking around the house naked... hubby and I would have known and come to understand each other a lot better, the chances of a discord based on an external party would have been greatly reduced, my children are grown up and I’m no longer scared of them being taught ideals I don’t favour, or being exposed to unwholesome stuff.

Lol. Really, let’s just bring this matter to an end. Everyone should do what works for them. Everyone with the way they like to run their home.

This your emphasis on walking around nakëd dey funny me, no be lie.

What's really so special about a young marriage? Let's be honest.
Is it not the same man you have been spending time with having lots of sex, staying over at his place and walking around nakëd, all before you even went to the altar to make it official?

Or are we suddenly going to start pretending that married people were not already having sex and behaving like married people, spending time and knowing each other, when they were still doing boyfriend and girlfriend. So what exactly is this focus on young marriage.
Na on wedding day una see una husband for the first time abi.. Lmao

Abeg abeg abeg, let's rest Jor.. you're right

crackkhaus:

This your emphasis on walking around nakëd dey funny me, no be lie.

What's really so special about a young marriage? Let's be honest.
Is it not the same man you have been having sex with, staying over at his place and walking around nakëd, all before you even went to the altar to make it official?

Or are we suddenly going to start pretending that married people were not already having sex and behaving like married people when they were still doing boyfriend and girlfriend. So what exactly is this focus on young marriage... Lol

Abeg abeg abeg, let's rest Jor.. you're right

.. . Naso.

JONNYSPUTE:
.. . Naso.

I taya o
Shuo

crackkhaus:

I taya o
Shuo

.. Young marriage indeed after so many kpanshing.

JONNYSPUTE:
.. Oh yes. If any of the mum that comes around for Omugwo is either too old or too lazy to do the needful,then the husband should be the one going to the market or better still employ the services of a nanny to do that if he is too busy. Not a woman that just put to bed.

Do you know what these women pass through during and after child birth? The squatting,the very hot water massaging to heal her if there was a cut during the process of pushing? Or stitches in the case of surgery?

If men can't protect their wives,who will?.

Note I never said men have lazy mothers.I don't know where you got that one from.

My wife gave birth and I was the one that prepared her food that day and took it to the hospital before her mum came.

You gave the impression mothers abandon their daughter-in-laws to run around washing, cooking and shopping for the full house.

Omugwo is not necessarily meant for the wife or husband btw. They're adults and can/should take care of themselves.

The aim of Omugwo is to help the inexperienced couple in the aspect of child care. Problem is, some wives don't trust their MILs with the newborn.

Acidosis:


You gave the impression mothers abandon their daughter-in-laws to run around washing, cooking and shopping for the full house.

Omugwo is not necessarily meant for the wife or husband btw. They're adults and can/should take care of themselves.

The aim of Omugwo is to help the inexperienced couple in the aspect of child care. Problem is, some wives don't trust their MILs with the newborn.

.. I don't know what you are saying. Seems you misunderstood my comments.

sassysure:

U know, we Nigerian women take this òmùgwò to the extreme. I wonder who did òmùgwò to all the single mums out there.
We lap on pregnancy and òmùgwò stuff to extort our husbands like there is no tomorrow. Unless u have a major tear and broken hip bone, even with CS, u are good to go after few days rest. Let's stop pretending about this.

If like u said the woman has started work( maternity leave in Nigeria is 3 months or even more) what do u want again?

If u have problem with the relatives, handle that with your husband but remove òmùgwò out of it.

single moms go to their mum for omugwo or their moms go over.
if you have it all good and going during pregnancy and after doesn't mean all women have it that way.it takes a minimum of 6weeks for a woman to heal (internally) not just physically.that's y post natal is slated for 6weeks, during that period you are not supposed to lift anything heavier than your baby. I know of a woman that went into coma and died in asokoro hospital when my friend put to bed. she had a very high BP and the mil and hubby told her to sign for them to go home, that she will be strong when they get home, just for them to wheel her back two days later because she had slumped.if a woman after childbirth decides to take care of of her baby only and rest,then let her be. you can do macho if you wish, your choice.

what do you mean by a woman extorting her husband? at least it's her husband, she can go ahead unless the husband is complaining. there are husbands that witness the birth of their child and decides to buy a brand new car for her.the wife should enjoy biko

crackkhaus:

Lol, well I went with it because she has shared that stuff before.
I don't think she still has her own mother, if I can remember correctly..

ImaIma1, come and squash the disbelief na.

My husband wasn't always home during the day and I wasn't ready to cause any issues between them by reporting knowing that they were not staying for more than one month.

My MIL even did something to me when my husband was around and he wanted to talk to her about it and I knew it would lead to an argument between them. I begged him not to bother that I was fine.

My own is let them not fight because of me.

JOHNNYSPUTE don't be a Thomas because it doesn't align with your idea of "Nigerian wives"

ImaIma1:


My husband wasn't always home during the day and I wasn't ready to cause any issues between them by reporting knowing that they were not staying for more than one month.

My MIL even did something to me when my husband was around and he wanted to talk to her about it and I knew it would lead to an argument between them. I begged him not to bother that I was fine.

My own is let them not fight because of me.

JOHNNYSPUTE don't be a Thomas because it doesn't align with your idea of "Nigerian wives"

What really is the cause of the attitude they displayed towards you during that period?

Apologies if it seems like I'm prying, but I don't think you and your in-laws ever had a good relationship prior to that incident. Why is that?

rain21:



single moms go to their mum for omugwo or their moms go over.
if you have it all good and going during pregnancy and after doesn't mean all women have it that way.it takes a minimum of 6weeks for a woman to heal (internally) not just physically.that's y post natal is slated for 6weeks, during that period you are not supposed to lift anything heavier than your baby. I know of a woman that went into coma and died in asokoro hospital when my friend put to bed. she had a very high BP and the mil and hubby told her to sign for them to go home, that she will be strong when they get home, just for them to wheel her back two days later because she had slumped.if a woman after childbirth decides to take care of of her baby only and rest,then let her be. you can do macho if you wish, your choice.

what do you mean by a woman extorting her husband? at least it's her husband, she can go ahead unless the husband is complaining. there are husbands that witness the birth of their child and decides to buy a brand new car for her.the wife should enjoy biko

U don't know me so don't go personal here.
After giving birth, after few days rest, u are good to go.
Don't sugarcoat it.
U did not win any award.
If it's pregnancy, it's understandable cos pregnancy can deal with lots of women but once u offload, u are as free as air. All those fictitious entitlements are for people that haven't done or seen em all.

As for the single mothers, make your enquiry very well.

Go to markets and see market women that put to bed barely weeks tying their new born on their back and hustling.
No time.
By the way. I am always a big mess when pregnant.
If I can contract that out, I will eagerly do so but upon how weak and colourless i am before I put to bed(CS)
Once baby is out, that is the end of all the agony.
I have lots of married friends, cousins, men in my family are married, nebors, name them etc and they can comfortably take care of themselves and baby.
By the way, we love to emulate oyibos very well, they don't even know what òmùgwò is. Why can't we emulate them on this? If and when u need help, involve your husband.

Misplaced priority.
That is why we take lots of things for granted.
Ur family or husbands family don't owe you anything by being at your beck and call cos u gave birth.
U can comfortably take care of yourself and child.
Don't shift that to any one.
It's wrong that need to be corrected.
It also put heavy toll on the family finance.
Do u know what men pass through to host òmùgwò people? Because they want to impress you, the madam?
Do u know how this so called òmùgwò has driven husbands outside?

Entering into marriage isn't the problem but the wisdom to stay at peace and happily married.

If your friend has hbp and died, that is her problem.
She should have taken her health serious. That has nothing to do with what we are discussing.

And I will tell you that if my husband waited till I put to bed to buy a car for me, I will eye him with corner eye.
He is more in love with that child than me. I'm just an avenue. If the child die nkò?
Will he take his car back?

crackkhaus:

What really is the cause of the attitude they displayed towards you during that period?

Apologies if it seems like I'm prying, but I don't think you and your in-laws ever had a good relationship prior to that incident. Why is that?

.

sassysure:

.

What na?