PrimadonnaO:


Okay... @emboldened. Doesn't make sense anymore. This is clearly going to be a discourse in futility because you're fixated on your opinions and you're totally going out of context.

So crackhaus (My spellcheck suggested "crackhead" ) you and your wife will do what works for you when that time comes...

Going out of context? Lol.

I gave you five paragraphs of historical education on family values and why extended family members ought not be restricted from your home, and your response is to bolden just the one paragraph talking about how you will never propose to a man to prove your so-called 2020 modernity.

Just say you have no articulate way to respond to the rest of the post, and bow out with grace.

Michellekabod2:
you men ain't innocent of this hypocrisy. Redpill is based on the 1780 principle of dating a feminine,young,virgin that is submissive et Al, but when it deals with spending on a girl they chant no one owes you money apart from your father. They adopt the 2020 financial independency of a woman rule, and yet still adopt the 1780 rule of a woman being submissive.

Hypocrisy exists in both genders.

Okay.

Perhaps you mistake me for one of your redpill friends here. If that is what you want to discuss, call them.
I don't and have never talked about redpill on this forum.

Cheers.

Belafonte:


You say men have refused to evolve, while women have. You get called out on the obvious lie, and then you shift the goalpost to finding balance. This is the exact reason women’s arguments are best ignored. Arguing with you is like trying to grasp the wind. Your arguments have no real basis apart from emotions.

As in eh.. then when I try getting her to talk about who should determine the balance using China as the case-study of a country that has not evolved (according to her logic), she then claimed I have gone out of context.

I love women sha

crackkhaus:

As in eh.. then when I try getting her to talk about who should determine the balance using China as the case-study of a country that has not evolved (according to her logic), she then claimed I have gone out of context.

I love women sha

Yes na. You have gone out of her emotional context, nothing else matters. Imagine trying to argue with someone who prefers facts over feelings. Yet, imagine not loving them. What a bloody paradox

Do I blame any woman who doesn't want her in-laws to visit and stay over sometimes,? The answer is a big NO.

I blame the men that allowed such to ever happened in their home.

I think it's all part of insecurity on the women that made them always skeptical and uncomfortable whenever their laws visit.

I noticed that in our house once and i put a stop to it immediately.

How did I do it? When I noticed my wife was not comfortable because our last born came to stay with us before he traveled abroad.I never allowed my wife or my younger brother to suspect anything or start complaining,I simply hurried and get him his papers for him to leave.

When he left,I called my wife and narrated to her all what I noticed and the same day I put a stop to any of her siblings visiting us just for her to experience how it feels. I didn't even give her a chance to explain anything. Knowing fully well that her siblings can't do without visiting her,playing with our son then as their first grandchild,she found it very difficult to adapt.

I did it to the extent that even her parents can't visit us because I know that my own parents won't visit since they are in the village,so I do visit them.

By the time she noticed she couldn't stand it anymore because her siblings were always eager to come over but she keeps telling them no,so they started asking me and I told them what their sister did,they nearly finished her with words. She could not do anything other than crying and asking me to forgive her.

Though I ve no younger ones that visit again,she now begs my mum or Dad to come stay with us for a while.

As a man,be wise and know how to handle issues.

JONNYSPUTE:
Do I blame any woman who doesn't want her in-laws to visit and stay over sometimes,? The answer is a big NO.

I blame the men that allowed such to ever happened in their home.

I think it's all part of insecurity on the women that made them always skeptical and uncomfortable whenever their laws visit.

I noticed that in our house once and i put a stop to it immediately.

How did I do it? When I noticed my wife was not comfortable because our last born came to stay with us before he traveled abroad.I never allowed my wife or my younger brother to suspect anything or start complaining,I simply hurried and get him his papers for him to leave.

When he left,I called my wife and narrated to her all what I noticed and the same day I put a stop to any of her siblings visiting us just for her to experience how it feels. I didn't even give her a chance to explain anything. Knowing fully well that her siblings can't do without visiting her,playing with our son then as their first grandchild,she found it very difficult to adapt.

I did it to the extent that even her parents can't visit us because I know that my own parents won't visit since they are in the village,so I do visit them.

By the time she noticed she couldn't stand it anymore because her siblings were always eager to come over but she keeps telling them no,so they started asking me and I told them what their sister did,they nearly finished her with words. She could not do anything other than crying and asking me to forgive her.

Though I ve no younger ones that visit again,she now begs my mum or Dad to come stay with us for a while.

As a man,be wise and know how to handle issues.

So you didn't bother to find out whether your brother actually did something to upset your wife before setting dictatorial laws in place?
Least you could have done was discuss with her and then wait for her to be unreasonable before making harsh laws.

Women and suffer head marriages.

Belafonte:


You’re literate but uneducated. What is the big deal in dishing food? Is it stressful? I ask because as a bachelor when I have guests I serve them and if I’m not in the mood, I ask them to help themselves and ask them to do their dishes when done. If I have a guest, why should wash after them? Are they babies?

You just want to talk, whether what you’re saying makes sense or not is immaterial.

You nairaland men simply find it impossible to address women without letting your nonsensical egos get in the way.
You could have written everything in your post without insults but I guess your innate opinion that women are stupid is keeping you from discussing respectfully.

I changed my mind, I don't even want to get into any kind of insultive back and forth argument with you so I won't post the reply I intended to write when I quoted your post.

nahzyla:


So you didn't bother to find out whether your brother actually did something to upset your wife before setting dictatorial laws in place?
Least you could have done was discuss with her and then wait for her to be unreasonable before making harsh laws.

Women and suffer head marriages.

. I didn't bother because I know my wife. If my brother had done something wrong,she wouldn't hesitate to tell me.

It's no harsh laws or being doctorial here,what I did was to help her stop any of our relatives from visiting our home because that's what she wanted.

Michellekabod2:
you men ain't innocent of this hypocrisy. Redpill is based on the 1780 principle of dating a feminine,young,virgin that is submissive et Al, but when it deals with spending on a girl they chant no one owes you money apart from your father. They adopt the 2020 financial independency of a woman rule, and yet still adopt the 1780 rule of a woman being

I noticed that many of them take advantage of patriarchal rules to oppress women as much as they can. The average Nigerian man will call a housewife liability because she isn't contributing financially regardless of every other housechore she does, she must be contributing to bills and feeding and be submissive to the same man she is providing for.

Selfish group of people.

JONNYSPUTE:
. I didn't bother because I know my wife. If my brother had done something wrong,she wouldn't hesitate to tell me.

It's no harsh laws or being doctorial here,what I did was to help her stop any of our relatives from visiting our home because that's what she wanted.

Does she contribute financially or joins in breadwinning?
Please don't lie when replying

nahzyla:


Does she contribute financially or joins in breadwinning?
Please don't lie when replying

.. This was not part of our discussion.

JONNYSPUTE:
.. This was not part of our discussion.

nahzyla:

.So.do you still believe that my decision was harsh and dictorial? I asked because I found it very funny that you didn't address the issue but asked a question that does not have any colloration with the subject matter.

JONNYSPUTE:
.So.do you still believe that my decision was harsh and dictorial?

Lol yes nah

You should have communicated your displeasure first then if she insists on being difficult you can start thinking of revenge
That's if you are sure your bro didn't do anything wrong

nahzyla:


Lol yes nah

You should have communicated your displeasure first then if she insists on being difficult you can start thinking of revenge
That's if you are sure your bro didn't do anything wrong

. Even when I was only helping her out?

JONNYSPUTE:
. Even when I was only helping her out?

You weren't helping

nahzyla:


You weren't helping

. Let's not be emotional here. Somebody doesn't want visitors in her home and I concur. What's the problem again? You ladies should always think twice before taking some decisions.

You can't be allowing your own siblings to visit while mine can't.

Belafonte:


You say men have refused to evolve, while women have. You get called out on the obvious lie, and then you shift the goalpost to finding balance. This is the exact reason women’s arguments are best ignored. Arguing with you is like trying to grasp the wind. Your arguments have no real basis apart from emotions.

That's the very point. I didn't make my points to start an argument. I just felt like stating my own OPINION, and for the benefit of whoever it would make sense to. Of course, it's contestable, but whether or not I decide to be dragged into a debate is my prerogative. I find it a waste of time arguing with someone whose background I don't know, someone who's being needlessly patriarchal ( I mean, what the hell has who buys the engagement ring and proposes got to do with the idea that live-in relatives is not the best for a young marriage?). That was the very point I decided to put an end to the replies. Why should I indulge him, and the rest of you? I'm not marrying him... he's not marrying my sister, so why should I break a sweat?

nahzyla:


You nairaland men simply find it impossible to address women without letting your nonsensical egos get in the way.
You could have written everything in your post without insults but I guess your innate opinion that women are stupid is keeping you from discussing respectfully.

I changed my mind, I don't even want to get into any kind of insultive back and forth argument with you so I won't post the reply I intended to write when I quoted your post.

Your initial comment is already insulting to our intelligence

PrimadonnaO:


That's the very point. I didn't make my points to start an argument. I just felt like stating my own OPINION, and for the benefit of whoever it would make sense to. Of course, it's contestable, but whether or not I decide to be dragged into a debate is my prerogative. I find it a waste of time arguing with someone whose background I don't know, someone who's being needlessly patriarchal ( I mean, what the hell has who buys the engagement ring and proposes got to do with the idea that live-in relatives is not the best for a young marriage?). That was the very point I decided to put an end to the replies. Why should I indulge him, and the rest of you? I'm not marrying him... he's not marrying my sister, so why should I break a sweat?

Please. You refused to engage him because he successfully deconstructed your mindset/worldview in a few sentences. The foundation of your essence was dissolved in less than five lines and you know better than to dig yourself deeper.

crackkhaus:

Which one is contrary independent mind?
We call them feminists as a form of ridicule, they are actually pseudofeminists, faker than N20,000 Rolex.

Contrary independent woman wey never begin kneel down propose to man, buy her own engagement ring, or sponsor herself and her husband/boyfriend to vacation in Bali...is that one an independent minded feminist?

Make una let us see road jor.

I laugh in my dialect.
Many Nigerian men would never leave a woman do all these, he will feel emasculated, every move from the woman would be termed "arrogance".

You can't eat your cake and have it, you want a woman to do all these and you still expect her to submit to you? You want a woman to take over the financial aspect of the relationship and you still want her be the home keeper?
Stoooppeett, confusion sometimes can be a disease, you want a woman to do things men do then you should begin to do things women do.

I can't be the one to propose to you, feed you, clothe you, sponsor your vacs, give you my body to toss around and you still expect me to take care of the home, you shouldn't be totally useless na.

xendra:
hehehe... that thread was too funny I couldn't even comment just read comments and .
most of them will never be happy in marriage or die single. yes they can come and cry on my mention.

but I don't blame them, its because of desperate women like the one that opened a thread about an in-law; who didn't complain when she was single and now wants to cry us a river.

no man is doing you a favour whatsoever by marrying you, there are lots of women if he didn't need you he would have gone for another and he has the option of being single too.

women stop being desperate and settling with these men with boys mentality, leave them to marry their mother.
your father didn't pack his family to come and stay with him, maybe because your mother wouldn't like it, now you want pack your lazy-ass dependent family come stay make I dey cook/work for them. rubbish

Has nothing to do with desperation. I will love my family around. All this should be discussed before marriage. I will love my family to come around whenever they wish if it's convenient for us,whether he likes it or not.

If he brings his family,am fine with it too.

No man separates me physically from my family,I also wouldn't separate him physically from his family

JONNYSPUTE:
. Let's not be emotional here. Somebody doesn't want visitors in her home and I concur. What's the problem again? You ladies should always think twice before taking some decisions.

You can't be allowing your own siblings to visit while mine can't.

Is it that y'all just decide to deliberately omit details or there's a comprehension problem somewhere?

I don't know what your own wife's problem was, but this post doesn't say visitors are not allowed.

PrimadonnaO:


Is it that y'all just decide to deliberately omit details or there's a comprehension problem somewhere?

I don't know what your own wife's problem was, but this post doesn't say visitors are not allowed.

.. What's the difference here? Are your relatives who visit and stays over not refer to as visitors? Widen your knowledge.

Michellekabod2:

Has nothing to do with desperation. I will love my family around. All this should be discussed before marriage. I will love my family to come around whenever they wish if it's convenient for us,whether he likes it or not.

If he brings his family,am fine with it too.

No man separates me physically from my family,I also wouldn't separate him physically from his family

.. I love this.The only difference here is that I will never discussed such issues before marriage.

JONNYSPUTE:
.. What's the difference here? Are your relatives who visit and stays over not refer to as visitors? Widen your knowledge.

Either of our relatives is allowed to visit and stay over. As often as they want.

PrimadonnaO:


3. A lot of men raised the question of why women may have their own relatives living with them, but may not be very comfortable with hubby's relatives. Who runs the home? Who is attending to everybody's needs? Who is the caregiver? Let's try to be a bit objective here, please... sentiments aside... who do you think she'd more naturally and comfortably do these things for? Her family who she's known all her life, and who understand her perfectly, or your family that she's only recently getting to accept as part of the big picture? How often do you hear that men are having issues with the in-laws? Men by their very nature get around these things more easily. But women are quite emotional and handle matters differently. Also, the society plus family seem to have some sort of high expectations from the woman in marraige, all eyes are on her watching
how she conducts herself... the littlest thing that goes amiss and the table is broken. Why then would you want to put your wife in a situation where she's pressured to live up to those expectations? (I'm playing the devil's advocate here).

I was enjoying your submission until I got to this. This is wrong in every aspect and one of the major reasons for intolerance on the part of some men.

The idea of live-in relatives should not be one sided just because you've known your family since the time of creation. I personally think any woman who conveniently accommodates her family in her home but has issues with her husband's relatives visiting or coming over is wicked, insensitive and selfish.

A man's family should be the woman's and the woman's, the man's family. Anything short of this, particularly where one is unfair is witchcraft.

During a recent counselling class of mine, the counsellor said and I quote: 'there is no mother-in-law' anywhere.' I felt it after he finished with us because it dawned on me people only see what belong to them as theirs alone and what belong to the other as the other's, yet claim to be one and married.

There wouldn't be problems if you see your in-laws the way you see your family. If you cook for your family in your home and not grudgingly do the dishes, then why should that of your husband's family come with 'who is attending to everybody's needs?'

PrimadonnaO:


Either of our relatives is allowed to visit and stay over. As often as they want.

.. Then go back and assimilate what you wrote again.Seems you are confused.

Sanchez01:

I was enjoying your submission until I got to this. This is wrong in every aspect and one of the major reasons for intolerance on the part of some men.

The idea of live-in relatives should not be one sided just because you've known your family since the time of creation. I personally think any woman who conveniently accommodates her family in her home but has issues with her husband's relatives visiting or coming over is wicked, insensitive and selfish.

A man's family should be the woman's and the woman's, the man's family. Anything short of this, particularly where one is unfair is witchcraft.

During a recent counselling class of mine, the counsellor said and I quote: 'there is no mother-in-law' anywhere.' I felt it after he finished with us because it dawned on me people only see what belong to them as theirs alone and what belong to the other as the other's, yet claim to be one and married.

There wouldn't be problems if you see your in-laws the way you see your family. If you cook for your family in your home and not grudgingly do the dishes, then why should that of your husband's family come with 'who is attending to everybody's needs?'

. Don't mind her. She couldn't even assimilate her write-up.

crackkhaus:

Which one is contrary independent mind?
We call them feminists as a form of ridicule, they are actually pseudofeminists, faker than N20,000 Rolex.

Contrary independent woman wey never begin kneel down propose to man, buy her own engagement ring, or sponsor herself and her husband/boyfriend to vacation in Bali...is that one an independent minded feminist?

Make una let us see road jor.

feminism means men and women should have equal rights(women can go to school,pursue career,take part in politics,equal work pay etc). Feminism doesnt interfere with masculinity/femininity or gender roles,these are left for the individuals to decide how to live their lives

nahzyla:


You weren't helping

sis I don't understand you. At a time you are advocating for no visitors,and now the no visitors rule seems like dictatorship

Michellekabod2:
sis I don't understand you. At a time you are advocating for no visitors,and now the no visitors rule seems like dictatorship

. She is confused.