Only narcissts have this kind of problem. That is you focus too much on ursef. Even if u married ur earlier bf, love would not be enough. If u wl take my advice, then go and humble ursef very well. Wake up every morning &go to greet him specially; if possible kneeling down and embracing him wt a kiss. Then appear in attractive almost naked nighties. Adore him and treat him lk a king in the home everytime and praying together wt him. Cook 4him and serve his food wt respect. Cooperate wt him financially and do appreciate him for small and big things. Show respect and mord nighties appearances...Then working on him lk this patiently and prayerfully, you will win the king in him and you become the queen...

Girlwhocares:
Please help me, I'm loosing my sanity everyday!
I'm scared to open up to friends and families because of what they will think or how disappointed or bad I will make them feel, also I'm afraid people will be judgemental about my actions.

I'm not physically and emotional connected with my husband which is affecting our marriage and my well-being, we live as co-tenant, we hardly have any conversation, we do things differently, we share different rooms, no sex for the past 3 years! Even during courtship and the fist two years of marriage I can account for days we were intimate.

Things are fallen out of place everyday, we have a child together who will be 4yrs and the thought of having another child has not crossed my mind.

I get irritated at everything, I hardly show appreciation towards him even if it means he has done his best, which later i will find myself guilty and try to make up but the spark and connection isn't just there.

Most times, I have a non-challant attitude towards him and everything he does to make me happy.

I feel lonely, bored and incomplete even when I'm 90% sure my husband loves me and always ready to make me happy.

I feel awkward communicating my feelings and thoughts to him because I know I might flare up with anger even when he hasn't done or said anything to warrant it.

Please I have come to this faceless forum to pour out my mind, my heart is heavy, I need someone to talk to, I'm afraid my personal intention of walking out this marriage even when my husband hasn't done anything to deserve this might backfire and has its negative effect on our child.

I honestly don't need anyone to insult me please as I'm going through a lot. All i need is mature married wo(men) opinions

Thank you for your time.

I logged in just to tell you the truth.

This is what you should do.

I was going through a breakup. My feeling were being used against me.
Suffice to say, I was being used.

But I loved this person. I was confused cause I didn't know how to stopping having feelings for this person in order to end my emotional abuse.

So one night, before I went to bed, my guardian angel whispered to me.

"Come to me all ye that are laboured and heavy ladden and I will give you rest."

I understood what he was telling me.

I meant that should tell Jesus to take away my sexual attraction for this girl away.

I cried and said that prayer. I work up the next day completely unattracted.

I don't know how explain it. But I broke up with her and never went back like I used to.

God can make you sexually attracted to your partner. I mean, He blessed your marriage at the altar.

He's just waiting for you to ask. And if your husband isn't attracted to you also, pray to God to make him sexually attracted to you. But you must do this with his consent since God will not force anyone.

Without faith, non of this will work. So pray for faith first.
I wish you good luck.

Now the main big question is, WHAT DO YOU WANT?

Girlwhocares:


I honestly don't need anyone to insult me please as I'm going through a lot. All i need is mature married wo(men) opinions

Thank you for your time.

@OP:

I am happy you acknowledged that you are the major cause of the current state of things.

Some things I can pin down:
1. You do not appreciate whatever your husband does for you

2. You cannot share your feelings with him. You guys have no communication

3. He irritates you hence you can't give feedback without flaring up

4. You are not sexually attracted to him

5. You do not care about his feelings and emotions.

6. You feel the counsellors are biased because they did not tell you what you wanted to hear.

Thoughts:
1. You have not forgiven your parents for rejecting your ex, your husband for arm twisting you into marriage by going through your parents and yourself for not standing your ground.

2. The problem of emotions is double-edged: you have not gotten over your ex and you 'feel' your husband is not your type or worthy to be your husband. Because you 'feel' your husband is not worthy, you cannot accept his love hence you feel lonely, bored and incomplete.

3. You say you are going through a lot: Your husband is going through much worse. Investing time and emotions into a basket (you) as you currently do not have the capacity to be a wife to him. I would be interested to know your husband's religious inclination or what is propelling him to continually show you love.

4. You are very selfish and immature so you cannot reach out sacrificially reach out to your husband the way he does for you. It is about you, your feelings, your state of mind, your taste etc. Have you ever thought how your husband feels because you withhold sex and intimacy? Have you thought of how lonely he might be because you don't engage him? Even for the separation, you are thinking of karma bla bla. Not once I have seen you think 'how does the man feel'? Blood flows through his veins too.

Solution:
Part 1
1. Take a one week or two separation. You can drop your child with your mom. If asked why, tell him you want to be a 'better lady for him'.

2. Forget about separation or divorce. That ship has sailed. You should thought of not marrying him instead. Forgive yourself, him and your parents. Irrespective of what your grievances, you have said 'I do'. Pray that God should remove the love/lust you feel for your ex and fill your heart with your husband's love.

3. List all the good qualities of your husband and thank God for them. Also list things you don't like, note what you like in replacement and keep aside.

4. List all the things you need to change about yourself and take note.

5. Create the vision of home you want and discern the attributes both parties need to bring on board.

6. Think of your sex life. What turns you on/off and note on the side.

7. Go back home and prepare for part 2.

Part 2.
1. Book an appointment that you want to see your husband.

2. On that day, dress and scent sweet. Put an effort into looking good for him. If he compliments your looks, tell him you dressed as a baby girl for him.

3. Go on your knees and deeply apologize for your neglect and nonchalant attitude since you got married. Ask for his forgiveness as you have not been a wife to him all the while and tell him you want both of you to start afresh.

4. Appreciate him for all the things he has done in line with his character (list as many as you can remember) and make it a constant habit. For example: 'I appreciate your thoughtfulness last week when you covered me when you noticed I was shivering as a result of the AC' is more effective than 'I appreciate your thoughtfulness.' It also reinforces the thoughtful acts.

4. Ask him what he likes you to change/improve/ continue and work with the feedback. If it tallies with your sheet in one, nice. If not update it.

5. Consciously do everything you do for him with love. When cooking, think of how he loves good food and go the extra mile. Ditto other things you do for him.

6. Sex: if he now trusts you even to initiate sex after the long denial, bring your A game to it. Accept him with enthusiasm and let him know he is your man everyday. If he doesn't, subtly do so. Also move back into the master bedroom even if you leave your stuff in your current room. Always sleep together.

7. Constantly fill your mind with good thoughts about your husband. Anticipate and hunger for him. While at work, daydream about him and bring your daydream to life when you get home. Prayers are also key.

He might initially rebuff you out of pain or adaptation. Keep at it, one day he will warm up to you.

Goodluck.

Lonelyloner:


I logged in just to tell you the truth.

This is what you should do.

I was going through a breakup. My feeling were being used against me.
Suffice to say, I was being used.

But I loved this person. I was confused cause I didn't know how to stopping having feelings for this person in order to end my emotional abuse.

So one night, before I went to bed, my guardian angel whispered to me.

"Come to me all ye that are laboured and heavy ladden and I will give you rest."

I understood what he was telling me.

I meant that should tell Jesus to take away my sexual attraction for this girl away.

I cried and said that prayer. I work up the next day completely unattracted.

I don't know how explain it. But I broke up with her and never went back like I used to.

God can make you sexually attracted to your partner. I mean, He blessed your marriage at the altar.

He's just waiting for you to ask. And if your husband isn't attracted to you also, pray to God to make him sexually attracted to you. But you must do this with his consent since God will not force anyone.

Without faith, non of this will work. So pray for faith first.
I wish you good luck.

healthserve:



She herself placed mental blocks to not love him no matter ehat he does. Thiugh the power to be able to love him is within her. Amongst many other things I'm picking in my own inner truth discerning systems. To avoid wasting my precious counsel is ehy i called her whom she was and told her the right thing to do, to elt the man go. Maturity many times isn't using plenting words thats why i settled fro two this morning

" Witch " and " Divorce ". I hope you get my drift now


She's a useless human being. This one is past redemption. Her soul is dry bitter and narcissistic. Only the Holyspirit can help these kinds. Theraphy and cuddling her with niceties won't. If she came to me for theraphy with this, she's in trouble.


So sometimes i could be detailed other times I'll be abrupt, blunt and instant. As the Holyspirit leads me

Oga which holy spirit is leading you the way you are sounding you are bitter and I will said is holy devil that is leading you.op is going through some hard time all she requested is advice not all this insult,did you really know what she is going through she has tried to make it work which she is still trying.

First thing:: does he have hot temper or he is those type of man that will say “”I understand “”just to make peace.
Your ex is the problem but you can beat that by letting him know. Dont dilute anything, the more you keep it to yourself the more the feelings for your husband go down. Tell him that your ex is affectting you, whether he is angry or not. But he should be. The reason is this. It will make him piss off and that might reduce his attention towards you. Which will affect you and make you worry and in return give you something to think of rather than your ex . If he doesnt reduce the way he act towards you like doing everything you love even when you get angry for no just cause , you might lose him. Sometimes when a marriage is without anger is seems cold . Try telling me everything dont leave any stone unturned i mean everything. Thats the beginning of you helping your marriage. Break his trust now and make him feel angry and bad . In your attempt to try and make him happy and letting him know that you are sorry the feelings will rise. But mind you his feelings might drop. But will time he will stabilize. And for the sex, who comes to your mind when you are Hot and were you circumcised (because only that will make you abstain for 3 years) and for him does he masturbate or have sex outside? So who ever that comes to your mind still tell him that. Like everything should be communicated. I bet you it will help. Say it exactly the way you feel dont sugar coat it say it. You might be scared but it will help. And if he doesn’t react angrily or disappointed just know what you are feeling is same with him. Like you both arent compatible and he will be happy with divorce. Then spell it to him only if he just said fine its ok without feeling bad.
In summary tell him you dont have feelings for him
Tell him your ex is in your mind
Tell him who comes to your mind when it comes to sex
Tell him everything
With these if it will lead to divorce it will happen fast
And if it will lead to happy marriage after it will shake and pick up later. But the earlier you let everything out from your heart the better. From experience... you are not wicked , no spirit husband its just that you havent let it go out from your heart.

Then subscribe to a data plan and stay connected or dump your simcard

Girlwhocares:


He's highly intelligent which is a great turn on for me in any relationship,we never dated,but we were good friends!
The issue of us getting married was as a result of making his intention known to my people which they accepted all cos he was a good guy whom my mum said he knows he will never treat me wrong!
Yes,i accepted to marry him not for love cos all through our friendship i never see us as lovers but i thought i will overcome all the anxieties and will grow to love him as we grow together(what my mum made me understand)now
I have been struggling with feelings of loving him and its isnt just adding up.

Love is relative though.
I believe you should start from understanding what love is. Love is independent of the personality of the person. You simply love because you're created to love.
I mean in effect that you're supposed to love every one as love is unconditional.

However, lust is probably what you're missing. And it's actually temporal.
Lust is more or less the butterflies and honey moon phase which often fades off after a while.

What is most important is to find someone who loves you. Which I suspect you already have. You simply need to learn to love him back.
Interestingly the reverse is the case for many ladies in marriage. You're lucky and you might yet not appreciate it.


Christ teaches us to love. Perhaps you should turn to God more for help in this season and phase of your life.

Bro , nothing anyone says would pull any weight in trying to make it work. It has to come from deepest part of her subconscious. She resents the guy cuz she was "forced" to get married.
She's forever attached to her boyfriend of 15 years and would do anything to get back with him even after all these years. Seen stuff like this before. It's a difficult place to be in

healthserve:
What wizardry is this for fvcken sakes. Crackhaus are u seeong her fvcken responses

bobowaja:

She is a cheat. Probably cheating with her so called Ex or someone with the Ex qualities.

I can only blame that SIMP of a man for forcing his way into her life and also putting up with her bullsh!ts.

Men like me will take a very long walk and never look back.

Exactly

bukatyne:


@bold:

Thank goodness you acknowledge all these are value even if untouchable

Have I argued they aren't before?

I can connect you to a therapist.

Girlwhocares:
Please help me, I'm loosing my sanity everyday!
I'm scared to open up to friends and families because of what they will think or how disappointed or bad I will make them feel, also I'm afraid people will be judgemental about my actions.

I'm not physically and emotional connected with my husband which is affecting our marriage and my well-being, we live as co-tenant, we hardly have any conversation, we do things differently, we share different rooms, no sex for the past 3 years! Even during courtship and the fist two years of marriage I can account for days we were intimate.

Things are fallen out of place everyday, we have a child together who will be 4yrs and the thought of having another child has not crossed my mind.

I get irritated at everything, I hardly show appreciation towards him even if it means he has done his best, which later i will find myself guilty and try to make up but the spark and connection isn't just there.

Most times, I have a non-challant attitude towards him and everything he does to make me happy.

I feel lonely, bored and incomplete even when I'm 90% sure my husband loves me and always ready to make me happy.

I feel awkward communicating my feelings and thoughts to him because I know I might flare up with anger even when he hasn't done or said anything to warrant it.

Please I have come to this faceless forum to pour out my mind, my heart is heavy, I need someone to talk to, I'm afraid my personal intention of walking out this marriage even when my husband hasn't done anything to deserve this might backfire and has its negative effect on our child.

I honestly don't need anyone to insult me please as I'm going through a lot. All i need is mature married wo(men) opinions

Thank you for your time.

Lady, i dont know how you did it, but to deliberately subject a man to such emotional torture and deprivation of sex shows you are innately wicked, selfish and honestly you deserve to be married to a man that will treat you worse than you have treated this man.

3 years of him trying so hard to please you and you sit back and watch him suffer. If he forced you to marry or he turned out to be a mistake why not let him go already.

You come here to seek justification for your actions when u werre fully aware that u were gradually sending an innocent man to his grave, his crime LOving you.

You dont deserve to be loved but to be treated the way you have treated him.

If you want to leave please leave.
If you want to stay better go on your knees and beg that man for forgiveness else , even his guardian angels will hunt u.

Girlwhocares:


Yes,I find difficult to open up to him,even when I'm in physical pains,i try as much as possible to keep it to myself..

My communication with him is very bad cos i feel irritated at any slightest thing.

You hate him so much. Just leave the marriage.

I think u shld go for counseling, also, u guys shld try n stay in the same room too, don't just walk out on ur marriage dear, give it another try n pray concerning the issue.

Girlwhocares:


Yes,have been dating my bf for (15yrs)he was my first nd the only one have ever loved,our problem started when my dad said he witnessed where exhibited an unruly characters to some elders and also cos of the friends he moves with recently as at then and that he wasnt comfortable with our relationship (which i pleaded and made him understand everyone deserves another chance but cos how principled my dad was he insisted he won't consent to our union)
To be candid,this is the guy have share all my life with,he's all i wanted in a man but my dad opinion ruined our relationship.

I think seperation from my husband is all i need just for clarity sake but honestly,the more i try to make the marriage work the more i drift away from him and I dont know how to go about it.

I have visited two marriage counsellors without informing my husband all in my effort to work things but not yielding results as expected

Sorry but you apparently don't love your husband and there don't seem to be anything you can do to help the situation. The ex you're still into has moved on and may have even married.
Going back to him may not work as it will harm you and also hurt your family. Your husband is seemingly good and you may not get someone like him if you walk out the door.
You shouldn't have married whom you didn't wholeheartedly love but you gotta stay put! Work things out, I trust you can if you make up your mind. Good luck!

You need to pray for deliverance from the spirit of hatred. quote author=Girlwhocares post=86853372]Please help me, I'm loosing my sanity everyday!
I'm scared to open up to friends and families because of what they will think or how disappointed or bad I will make them feel, also I'm afraid people will be judgemental about my actions.

I'm not physically and emotional connected with my husband which is affecting our marriage and my well-being, we live as co-tenant, we hardly have any conversation, we do things differently, we share different rooms, no sex for the past 3 years! Even during courtship and the fist two years of marriage I can account for days we were intimate.

Things are fallen out of place everyday, we have a child together who will be 4yrs and the thought of having another child has not crossed my mind.

I get irritated at everything, I hardly show appreciation towards him even if it means he has done his best, which later i will find myself guilty and try to make up but the spark and connection isn't just there.

Most times, I have a non-challant attitude towards him and everything he does to make me happy.

I feel lonely, bored and incomplete even when I'm 90% sure my husband loves me and always ready to make me happy.

I feel awkward communicating my feelings and thoughts to him because I know I might flare up with anger even when he hasn't done or said anything to warrant it.

Please I have come to this faceless forum to pour out my mind, my heart is heavy, I need someone to talk to, I'm afraid my personal intention of walking out this marriage even when my husband hasn't done anything to deserve this might backfire and has its negative effect on our child.

I honestly don't need anyone to insult me please as I'm going through a lot. All i need is mature married wo(men) opinions

Thank you for your time.

[/quote]

Girlwhocares:
Please help me, I'm loosing my sanity everyday!
I'm scared to open up to friends and families because of what they will think or how disappointed or bad I will make them feel, also I'm afraid people will be judgemental about my actions.

I'm not physically and emotional connected with my husband which is affecting our marriage and my well-being, we live as co-tenant, we hardly have any conversation, we do things differently, we share different rooms, no sex for the past 3 years! Even during courtship and the fist two years of marriage I can account for days we were intimate.

Things are fallen out of place everyday, we have a child together who will be 4yrs and the thought of having another child has not crossed my mind.

I get irritated at everything, I hardly show appreciation towards him even if it means he has done his best, which later i will find myself guilty and try to make up but the spark and connection isn't just there.

Most times, I have a non-challant attitude towards him and everything he does to make me happy.

I feel lonely, bored and incomplete even when I'm 90% sure my husband loves me and always ready to make me happy.

I feel awkward communicating my feelings and thoughts to him because I know I might flare up with anger even when he hasn't done or said anything to warrant it.

Please I have come to this faceless forum to pour out my mind, my heart is heavy, I need someone to talk to, I'm afraid my personal intention of walking out this marriage even when my husband hasn't done anything to deserve this might backfire and has its negative effect on our child.

I honestly don't need anyone to insult me please as I'm going through a lot. All i need is mature married wo(men) opinions

Thank you for your time.

One word: Wickedness

Prec1ous:




Can both of you please tell me what was her reason for marrying him in the first place, seeing that she never loved him.

Please tell me? If you don't love a man, what other reason will push you to get married to him? Answer me!

The OP has answered this multiple times, you probably need to go back and read again.

For some of us, life isn't centered around such. Widen your mind, men need to stop thinking this way or else many will never experience what it means to be truly loved.

Money can never be everything.

Girlwhocares:
@daddytime please i will like to let you know I'm not from a poverty or never chop background.

I came from a very good background thou not born with a golden spoon but a silver spoon wouldnt be an understatement.

Not all matital issues are based on financial benefits & my case isnt an exceptional please.

Thank you for your time.

I love ur maturity.

Girlwhocares:
Please help me, I'm loosing my sanity everyday!
I'm scared to open up to friends and families because of what they will think or how disappointed or bad I will make them feel, also I'm afraid people will be judgemental about my actions.

I'm not physically and emotional connected with my husband which is affecting our marriage and my well-being, we live as co-tenant, we hardly have any conversation, we do things differently, we share different rooms, no sex for the past 3 years! Even during courtship and the fist two years of marriage I can account for days we were intimate.

Things are fallen out of place everyday, we have a child together who will be 4yrs and the thought of having another child has not crossed my mind.

I get irritated at everything, I hardly show appreciation towards him even if it means he has done his best, which later i will find myself guilty and try to make up but the spark and connection isn't just there.

Most times, I have a non-challant attitude towards him and everything he does to make me happy.

I feel lonely, bored and incomplete even when I'm 90% sure my husband loves me and always ready to make me happy.

I feel awkward communicating my feelings and thoughts to him because I know I might flare up with anger even when he hasn't done or said anything to warrant it.

Please I have come to this faceless forum to pour out my mind, my heart is heavy, I need someone to talk to, I'm afraid my personal intention of walking out this marriage even when my husband hasn't done anything to deserve this might backfire and has its negative effect on our child.

I honestly don't need anyone to insult me please as I'm going through a lot. All i need is mature married wo(men) opinions

Thank you for your time.

I feel for you. I wrote a similar message 2 or 3 years ago and till date I have not found a solution.
I moved to another country and my spouse is still in Nigeria.

I feel at peace alone with my child.

Do not mind people saying that you hate your husband. They do not understand.

I was also told love would come in time. It never did.

My spouse is also not a bad person although unlike you he didnt try to speak my love language

He feels happiness is about spending money and unfortunately i am not materialistic (I just cannot cannot equate money to love/happiness) and was born into an affluent home.

I dont think you should remain in a marriage because of a child. If you want to stay look for a reason for YOU. Because one day that child will leave and you will be back to square one.

I definitely understand the barrier in communication because I cannot tell my husband my deepest thoughts. We only talk about stuff we could share with friends.

I pray for you to find direction. Take some time and pray. And whatever happens do not remain in the marriage because of a child

Also the message from Lonelyloner seems legit. Try it. I will try it too.

Lonelyloner:


I logged in just to tell you the truth.

This is what you should do.

I was going through a breakup. My feeling were being used against me.
Suffice to say, I was being used.

But I loved this person. I was confused cause I didn't know how to stopping having feelings for this person in order to end my emotional abuse.

So one night, before I went to bed, my guardian angel whispered to me.

"Come to me all ye that are laboured and heavy ladden and I will give you rest."

I understood what he was telling me.

I meant that should tell Jesus to take away my sexual attraction for this girl away.

I cried and said that prayer. I work up the next day completely unattracted.

I don't know how explain it. But I broke up with her and never went back like I used to.

God can make you sexually attracted to your partner. I mean, He blessed your marriage at the altar.

He's just waiting for you to ask. And if your husband isn't attracted to you also, pray to God to make him sexually attracted to you. But you must do this with his consent since God will not force anyone.

Without faith, non of this will work. So pray for faith first.
I wish you good luck.

Ok, this might be my breakthough. Will try. Thanks

UjuJoan2:


Why don't you visit the counsellors with your husband?

The key to happiness is contentment. You may think this your ex would have made a better spouse but that may not be true. The fact is that nobody is perfect, and if you had married him, the chances of falling out of love with him is always there. The grass is NEVER greener on the other side, it only appears that way. For me dating someone for 15 whole years is already a big flaw that should make you resent your ex.

As for your husband. I think like you said, separation is a good idea. It will help you get a clearer picture and you will begin to see the good he brings to your life. From what you said, he is a good man, but you are just not seeing it because your heart is somewhere else.

Above all, learn to be happy for you. Dont expect that your joy and happiness will come from someone else. People survive in loveless marriages and somehow made peace with it. If you become so fixated on the sparks you should be feeling and the fire that should be burning in your heart, it will only make you more depressed. Focus on other things that make you happy. Find your joy elsewhere.

You deserve a national award for writing this. I could not have put it better.

Girlwhocares:
Please help me, I'm loosing my sanity everyday!
I'm scared to open up to friends and families because of what they will think or how disappointed or bad I will make them feel, also I'm afraid people will be judgemental about my actions.

I'm not physically and emotional connected with my husband which is affecting our marriage and my well-being, we live as co-tenant, we hardly have any conversation, we do things differently, we share different rooms, no sex for the past 3 years! Even during courtship and the fist two years of marriage I can account for days we were intimate.

Things are fallen out of place everyday, we have a child together who will be 4yrs and the thought of having another child has not crossed my mind.

I get irritated at everything, I hardly show appreciation towards him even if it means he has done his best, which later i will find myself guilty and try to make up but the spark and connection isn't just there.

Most times, I have a non-challant attitude towards him and everything he does to make me happy.

I feel lonely, bored and incomplete even when I'm 90% sure my husband loves me and always ready to make me happy.

I feel awkward communicating my feelings and thoughts to him because I know I might flare up with anger even when he hasn't done or said anything to warrant it.

Please I have come to this faceless forum to pour out my mind, my heart is heavy, I need someone to talk to, I'm afraid my personal intention of walking out this marriage even when my husband hasn't done anything to deserve this might backfire and has its negative effect on our child.

I honestly don't need anyone to insult me please as I'm going through a lot. All i need is mature married wo(men) opinions

Thank you for your time.

Be careful with people on social media, they may mislead and make the whole thing worse. But there's somebody who I am certainly sure can fix this for you. That is JESUS. Genuinely surrender this to him, take out time to personally study your bible, pray and fast. Your outcry should be LORD HELP ME, FOR I CANT HANDLE THIS BY MYSELF. And I guarantee you that you will testify. God bless you.

lynx200:
@Girlwhocares I commend you for being honest with yourself as so many people keep on lying to themselves all their lives. That is a good sign that you want a solution.

We all want to be happy and satisfied with our lives. Its so unfortunate that most people have been conditioned to jettison happiness and instead bear with a bad situation, something that is bound to make anyone miserable. From what you've said, you're not comfortable with your husband no matter what he does. Staying put in such a situation can make anyone crazy. Even with all the patchworks, with the bad foundation from the start, the best you will do is just to bear with each other and obviously you've done a lot of that over the years. So I will advice that you divorce the guy immediately. People might say that's harsh but think about this, can you bear another 3 years of no intimacy and a loveless relationships if you can't bear this guy?

I have seen people stay in marriages where they are not happy and eventually they end up miserable. My late mother is a good example of this. Don't let this be your fate @Girlwhocares. You have a right to be happy and to be whatever you want to be in this life. It's for everyone and not just for kids as many adults think. You have to love yourself instead of just being a washboard for other peoples' wishes. The one way you can have happiness in your life and stop being depressed is undoing your mistake by separating from your husband.

Divorce instead. The marriage don end since, she should stop delaying official annulment

Omar09:


This should be directed to the OP not me. I am not the one with the problem.

You were the one blaming her husband, even she didn't do that. Follow the advice so you don't go blaming your husband when the marriage don tire you

EagleNest:
I still think the marriage can work if the op so decides. She need to agree first, for it to work as it appears to me she'd wanted OUT all these while? See my dear, you are not the only one on earth that had parental incursions when it comes to marriage decision but many have ALLOWED theirs to work. I dislike the idea of parents deciding on who their kids should marry, it doesn't always work well in this social media generation.

From hindsight, if I were the husband I wouldn't have gone along with the marriage if I'd sensed the girl is not corporating. These are what courtship tries to check & solve. Because at the end it is two of you that will live together, not the parents or siblings.

And now, with the marriage in doldrums, what is the husband thinking? Being an intelligent man as the wife alludes, how is he going on without sex for 3years and loveless wife? What efforts has he made? Who has he told about this predicament? How did they conceive their only child in the first place?

Likewise the op, she wouldn't have agreed to this marriage if she doesn't like the guy. However, this your husband is not a man from nowhere, he was already your friend - depending on how you define 'friendship '. Is there anything else about him than he is not your ideal man! Look, we all had one or two near misses in our pursuit of life and perfection, but we don't dwell on it this long. If it doesn't go exactly our preferred way, we do make the best out of it and life goes on. Don't kill yourself for nothing.

Your moniker says 'girlwhocares'. My dear charity begins at home. Start first by letting the past go! And start working out for the future of your family. Give your husband 'care'. If you sow 'care' to your husband, will you not reap 'care' as well and vice versa.

Finally, do NOT think of divorcing your husband for the inadequacies of the past. No marriage is perfect! The fault is not his and he has endured beyond an average man can endure. You need to come down and think, put yourself in his shoes, if it is the other way round how will you feel. You are still young, and the wound of the past due to your loyalty to your parent, should go pls.

Give this marriage another chance and work on letting the past go. Wipe your memory board of the past, clean up and start writing a new positive future. Positive things will start attracting itself to you.

How I wish I could communicate to the man, I could give him tips to refresh this marriage and brighten it up.

This marriage is dead and gone to the grave. Nothing can revive it. Plus, sometimes, ladies pretend like they're really into you. The husband may never have known that she didn't wanna marry him

GodLovingMe2020:
I had the same experience for 24 long years with a woman who was “madly in Love” but now claims to have no emotional attachment to me. The worse part was that she won’t leave my house so I could get on with my life. I couldn’t throw her out because she is the mother of my children. No sex, no affection, we were not sleeping in the same bedroom, we never had any discussion as a couple.

We used to go to church together, and from the outside it looked as if we were an ideal couple. Only my children knew what was happening in our home.

I am the breadwinner even though I registered her to study law, sponsored her law education and today she is a lawyer. I bought two cars fir her and did many many things for her. She had the audacity to open her mouth to tell me she never loved me. I asked her, so why did you marry me? She said, “Can’t you marry somebody you don’t love?” That was about six years ago. She said the only person she ever loved was a fellow youth corper she met while doing her youth service, before I met her. She wanted to continue with the guy after youth service, but the guy had other plans and told her to move on.

When I met her, she was struggling in life but I offered to help her since I had a very good job and earning a fantastic salary. Just last December, she told me she was traveling to see her people and that was the last time I saw her. I understand she has a job at her place, but her things are still in my place. Her people have not called me to ask anything.

The things some men go through at the hands of women.....,,,,,,........

Same thing I said some minutes ago. These women eh. Op too must have led the guy to believe she loved him so much, only for her to now feel love been no dey before. May God never bring such women into my life. Even if they come, may my spiritual eyes sef through their deceit so I can prevent this shamble of a marriage with such a lady

efficiencie:


@Girlwhocares, here is a story quite similar to what you are saying but here there are more details. Clearly the lady in question here never committed herself to be in a marriage and after wrecking havoc in another man's life she vanishes. I wonder how people live like this and never believe retribution is waiting somewhere in the future for them!

It's actually better she left. It's this one that's still staying put that is more annoying. If you don't want to work things out, end it

row2ray:


Love isn’t enough... I was crazy in love with my wife... and believed she was crazy I love with me too... now we are working on the official divorce.. so definitely in the scheme of things in marriage, love is no enough

Love na scam

Zinny25:
these are what you face when you marry a man you don't love or have connections with maybe as a result of pressure or age or Making do with the available option. That's why I pity Ladies who say they can marry a man they don't love as long as the man loves them.

If marriage na about love, divorce for no plenty d way e plenty now. You see, spark of love dey quench. If you aren't committed and if you don't take vows seriously, even if Una love pass Romeo and Juliet own, it will still end in tears.