₦airaland Forum

LordIsaac:
Kai... Things we read daily that we think common sense can handle... Naija ehn

OceanOfJoy:
True. He doesn't want marriage but he's enjoying the benefits, why would he marry? It's best to hold off the sex but ladies nowadays give freebies anyhow, wrongly thinking it brings commitment, or marriage. You can have all the sex in the world with a man, if he will not marry you he will not. I didn't sleep with my spouse until we got married and we dated for 3 yrs. In fact when we met I told him no sex and he said no problem.

Ineedtoheal:
Hi Famlanders, Please I need your advice. I beg you all to save a sister. I have to bring this here coz I know it's where I will get wonderful contributions. Again, I am using this new account coz I have friends and customers here. I don't want to blow my cover. Please this is real and not fiction. This will be quite lengthy, please bear with me.

I met this guy in 2013 when I was in year one. It was not a steady relationship coz we barely call nor see so I didn't take him serious. And whenever we see, it was always at one friends house or another. I accused him of being married but he vehemently denied it. Later on I figured out he had accommodation issue after he lost his job. He later rented a house when he got another job with one of our prestigious federal universities here in Nigeria and that was when things became serious (kinda).

We became very serious around 2016 that is why I count it as 5 years instead of 7. But then during one of my visits, I was sleeping in the room when I overheard him talking to someone but the only thing that caught my attention was when he said "I don't even have a girlfriend". Though I didn't confront him, but I thought about it deeply.

Two nights ago, I had a dream where he was getting married to another lady. I was crying while he was still saying he loves me but can't marry me. I confronted him yesterday, he said I am pressurizing him to marry me that was after he first asked what will happen if we don't end up together. He hasn't told me where the relationship is leading to after 5 years. We have been living for the moment. Just for the moment!

Few info about the relationship
1) He will be 40 this November while I am 27.
2. He has always had numerous girlfriends that when he's with them, he doesn't pick my calls though he always apologizes and he's trying his best this year.

3. He always send pictures of other women to his friends to let them know they are the people he wish to marry but never has he sent mine. Though he claims he's not doing it again.

4. From the look of things he's still searching while he wants to have me all to himself. Maybe a second option since the others are not accepting him and I love him foolishly.

5. The relationship is 50 -50 .We spend on each other. He believes it's the woman's duty to do all the house chores but not the man's duty to take care of the woman.

6. On his Fathers burial last year, 3 of his girlfriends came (me inclusive) and we all wore the burial uniform. Together, we served his guests even when we realized we are dating same man. His neighbors were giggling and gossiping but we all decided to be matured and work together.

7. When my sister that raised me died, he didn't come for the burial. his reason was he had supervision that day in school,same person that calls his colleague to cover for him during exam supervision so he could do other things. He also didn't send me any money but he questioned me for not giving him any money for his Father's burial. Even when I paid him excess for the burial uniform. I know why I did that. Mind you, he has asked me before if he can give one of his ex 10k during her Father's burial which I agreed and he sent her the money.

8. I have rejected some suitors who were willing to marry me coz of him. Though he has never encouraged me to accept any of them. In fact he gets angry hearing that another man is coming close to me.

9. He doesn't call often, I do more of the calling though he always return my calls. He can stay for days without calling unless I call. I know I have been the one holding the relationship coz I thought he will change.

10. Sine 2017 till last year, all I did was forgive him coz I love him. He keeps bringing new / different ladies into the picture. I have gone through a lot of emotional stress. He keeps asking me to stay that he loves me but he's confused.

His good side: He's understanding, motivates me to do my best, he doesn't hit me, he is gentle.

Me on the other hand is sometimes stubborn though very faithful coz I love him to a fault. I easily get angry but forgives easily. When I'm angry I talk so much but I don't abuse him. He is simply the cause of all my anger. He always say I am very understanding, a good girl, drama free but yet he doesn't want to marry me and won't let me go too. I have never involved a third party in our relationship except my late sister who said she wish I will walk away from the relationship because I love the guy more, that it won't end well. All my friends thinks I have a perfect relationship because I don't discuss him with them.

Back to last night, I told him I won't call him again coz he said I am pressurizing him to marry me. The truth is I have seen the hand writing on the wall, not today but two years ago but I keep going back. Please I need advice on how not to go back again. The love he proclaims for me is not enough for him to marry. I have wasted enough time already. Maybe hearing the raw truth here will help.

Ineedtoheal:
I wish he will let me be and not try sweet talking me into opening my heart to him again.

Ineedtoheal:
Pray not to be in my shoes someday coz even common sense will fail you.

Ineedtoheal:
I will try harder this time.

bonnyhope:
Why do you speak like a frustated person?

Ineedtoheal:
No one says it must lead to marriage oga. why keep what you don't need? If You really don't see yourself in few years time with someone, why waste their time? did you really read all I wrote? coz if you did, you wouldn't have make this comment.
I have begged him on several occasions to end things with me if he knows we don't have a future together but he refused. Mind you, it's not just a Nigerian thing. you guys are so quick in calling Nigerian girls out.

Acidosis:
Naturally, we all gravitate towards what we are familiar with. Problem is many are familiar with terrible things. You can't be familiar with good things and still choose to stick with the bad. Examine yourself, what kind of people do you surround yourself with? It is not normal to fall in love with bad people. It is ma.dness to find descent and good men unattractive. When a woman says they don't or can't seem to love a good man, I immediately consider them as people with terrific upbringing. You can't grow with good people and find good men unattractive.

hopeforcharles:
Keep him at arm's length, make sure u make plans to date and accept proposal from other serious suitors.
Because from your post he has lost interest in marrying you and the relationship

crackkhaus:
See question...

Free sex na!

Do you think he will spend 5years with you if he was not having sex with you? Lmao...

You young girls of this generation really thought you were wiser than your mothers and elders who advised you to close legs.
But you know nothing, most of you.

If I were your daddy, uncle, or elder bro, and you came to me with this silly pathetic story, I will first give you a resounding slap that your great-grandparents will feel from their grave, before I will pet you and counsel you.

Nonsense...

GraGra247:
This is the biggest idiotic mugu of a lady that I've ever met in recent time.

Funny thing is that she's even literate and well educated.

All the village illiterate girls I ever met will never allow a man to toy with them to this extent let alone a supposed graduate living in a feminism dominated era.

The grand emotional deception called love have turned people to useless nonentities.

olawumi171:
pls she's no an idiot,is just that d level of love she gave into dis relationship dat makes her going back,,dis is me in such predicament, av vented to him dis morning, he should tell me where he d relationship is heading to,dat l need an ans dis morning but he wont,still calling me his wife,telling me he still love me,no calls,no attention, 2 minutes call,am d one putting so much into d relationship,and dis guy still claim he loves me,l just wish l can block me and never see his face again, am so tired reason y l called him to speak wat has been on my mind,l know l should av blocked him,wen my pastor told me dat a friend of his gave him a lady, but told me he is mine,dis wat is holding back

Ineedtoheal:
And you are smart? You don't go about insulting people in the name of being smart. it doesn't tell good of you.

Shibaraba:
Should we tell her?

nkwuocha1:
Ineedtoheal
I took time to read your post,and I must advice you like I would toy sister.Please leave that guy,NO MATTER IF HE BEGS.I married my wife when she is 30!I need to tell you our story,maybe you can learn.

NB:I will leave this account open through this year, because I want you to quote about your marriage before the end of this year.Note this,only of you leave this guy.If you don't marry before the end of this yr, you're free to quote me and call me bastard.

The wife today used to be an ex to my friend.Yes! You heard me right.We are till date, players in same football team.And ofcourse most Saturdays and PH we get to see till date.

She was like you,silly for love.She would bring snacks and food to her ex in the field and I envied my friend.Her peppersoup was top notch because I always try to taste her food whenever she comes to our field.I buy things she sells too.

But guess what,the guy dumped her for a university undergraduate.I was part of the bridegroom.Three months after,I started searching for how I can meet her because I missed her presence.

I took her number on the pretence I need to buy some things from him.I started talking to her,she declined because she felt I wanted the cookie.I convinced her at a point and after so many beg beg I finally had a break when I stopped her at her house.She live with her uncle and wife so that's good for me.

I visited unannounced one PH, and knocked straight.The uncle opened.I told him I came to see her and he gave me a seat.We discussed about many things and the aunt also gave me a knowing look. At that point I knew she must have told her about me.That was the break.

Now,I told her afterwards that if she doesn't want me I won't disturb . .Thats a trick to find out if she likes me.She was only dodging my gaze as I pummelled her with those words. :DAdter I kissed her, 19 DAYS LATER I PAID HER BRIDE PRICE.Three months later we married traditionally.She was already pregnant by then.

Madam,any man that wants to marry you will do in less than 6 months.I have 4 kids already.But this friend after 9 years just have a child.Today,my wife still comes to the field with same food he used to eat.
Last Christmas,she brought goodies for our end of year party,he wasn't comfortable around her.I noticed it and teased my wife," your boyfriend they look your big bumbum".She quickly insulted me and continued smiling as she drove off

There's only one way for you to get married to a good man before the end of this yr.Leave that guy permanently.Adieu.

Ineedtoheal:
Hi Famlanders, Please I need your advice. I beg you all to save a sister. I have to bring this here coz I know it's where I will get wonderful contributions. Again, I am using this new account coz I have friends and customers here. I don't want to blow my cover. Please this is real and not fiction. This will be quite lengthy, please bear with me. pls leave that guy alone

I met this guy in 2013 when I was in year one. It was not a steady relationship coz we barely call nor see so I didn't take him serious. And whenever we see, it was always at one friends house or another. I accused him of being married but he vehemently denied it. Later on I figured out he had accommodation issue after he lost his job. He later rented a house when he got another job with one of our prestigious federal universities here in Nigeria and that was when things became serious (kinda).

We became very serious around 2016 that is why I count it as 5 years instead of 7. But then during one of my visits, I was sleeping in the room when I overheard him talking to someone but the only thing that caught my attention was when he said "I don't even have a girlfriend". Though I didn't confront him, but I thought about it deeply.

Two nights ago, I had a dream where he was getting married to another lady. I was crying while he was still saying he loves me but can't marry me. I confronted him yesterday, he said I am pressurizing him to marry me that was after he first asked what will happen if we don't end up together. He hasn't told me where the relationship is leading to after 5 years. We have been living for the moment. Just for the moment!

Few info about the relationship
1) He will be 40 this November while I am 27.
2. He has always had numerous girlfriends that when he's with them, he doesn't pick my calls though he always apologizes and he's trying his best this year.

3. He always send pictures of other women to his friends to let them know they are the people he wish to marry but never has he sent mine. Though he claims he's not doing it again.

4. From the look of things he's still searching while he wants to have me all to himself. Maybe a second option since the others are not accepting him and I love him foolishly.

5. The relationship is 50 -50 .We spend on each other. He believes it's the woman's duty to do all the house chores but not the man's duty to take care of the woman.

6. On his Fathers burial last year, 3 of his girlfriends came (me inclusive) and we all wore the burial uniform. Together, we served his guests even when we realized we are dating same man. His neighbors were giggling and gossiping but we all decided to be matured and work together.

7. When my sister that raised me died, he didn't come for the burial. his reason was he had supervision that day in school,same person that calls his colleague to cover for him during exam supervision so he could do other things. He also didn't send me any money but he questioned me for not giving him any money for his Father's burial. Even when I paid him excess for the burial uniform. I know why I did that. Mind you, he has asked me before if he can give one of his ex 10k during her Father's burial which I agreed and he sent her the money.

8. I have rejected some suitors who were willing to marry me coz of him. Though he has never encouraged me to accept any of them. In fact he gets angry hearing that another man is coming close to me.

9. He doesn't call often, I do more of the calling though he always return my calls. He can stay for days without calling unless I call. I know I have been the one holding the relationship coz I thought he will change.

10. Sine 2017 till last year, all I did was forgive him coz I love him. He keeps bringing new / different ladies into the picture. I have gone through a lot of emotional stress. He keeps asking me to stay that he loves me but he's confused.

His good side: He's understanding, motivates me to do my best, he doesn't hit me, he is gentle.

Me on the other hand is sometimes stubborn though very faithful coz I love him to a fault. I easily get angry but forgives easily. When I'm angry I talk so much but I don't abuse him. He is simply the cause of all my anger. He always say I am very understanding, a good girl, drama free but yet he doesn't want to marry me and won't let me go too. I have never involved a third party in our relationship except my late sister who said she wish I will walk away from the relationship because I love the guy more, that it won't end well. All my friends thinks I have a perfect relationship because I don't discuss him with them.

Back to last night, I told him I won't call him again coz he said I am pressurizing him to marry me. The truth is I have seen the hand writing on the wall, not today but two years ago but I keep going back. Please I need advice on how not to go back again. The love he proclaims for me is not enough for him to marry. I have wasted enough time already. Maybe hearing the raw truth here will help.