in this case look for a quiet place sit down and talk to yourself at least you have a good analysis.

Decide if it would end well, you already know it won't.



Disconnet yourself from him emotionally and otherwise.



Finally feel happy and liberated for doing so.

Obviously not an igbo man. I guess he's Yoruba

Ineedtoheal:
Hi Famlanders, Please I need your advice. I beg you all to save a sister. I have to bring this here coz I know it's where I will get wonderful contributions. Again, I am using this new account coz I have friends and customers here. I don't want to blow my cover. Please this is real and not fiction. This will be quite lengthy, please bear with me.

I met this guy in 2013 when I was in year one. It was not a steady relationship coz we barely call nor see so I didn't take him serious. And whenever we see, it was always at one friends house or another. I accused him of being married but he vehemently denied it. Later on I figured out he had accommodation issue after he lost his job. He later rented a house when he got another job with one of our prestigious federal universities here in Nigeria and that was when things became serious (kinda).

We became very serious around 2016 that is why I count it as 5 years instead of 7. But then during one of my visits, I was sleeping in the room when I overheard him talking to someone but the only thing that caught my attention was when he said "I don't even have a girlfriend". Though I didn't confront him, but I thought about it deeply.

Two nights ago, I had a dream where he was getting married to another lady. I was crying while he was still saying he loves me but can't marry me. I confronted him yesterday, he said I am pressurizing him to marry me that was after he first asked what will happen if we don't end up together. He hasn't told me where the relationship is leading to after 5 years. We have been living for the moment. Just for the moment!

Few info about the relationship
1) He will be 40 this November while I am 27.
2. He has always had numerous girlfriends that when he's with them, he doesn't pick my calls though he always apologizes and he's trying his best this year.

3. He always send pictures of other women to his friends to let them know they are the people he wish to marry but never has he sent mine. Though he claims he's not doing it again.

4. From the look of things he's still searching while he wants to have me all to himself. Maybe a second option since the others are not accepting him and I love him foolishly.

5. The relationship is 50 -50 .We spend on each other. He believes it's the woman's duty to do all the house chores but not the man's duty to take care of the woman.

6. On his Fathers burial last year, 3 of his girlfriends came (me inclusive) and we all wore the burial uniform. Together, we served his guests even when we realized we are dating same man. His neighbors were giggling and gossiping but we all decided to be matured and work together.

7. When my sister that raised me died, he didn't come for the burial. his reason was he had supervision that day in school,same person that calls his colleague to cover for him during exam supervision so he could do other things. He also didn't send me any money but he questioned me for not giving him any money for his Father's burial. Even when I paid him excess for the burial uniform. I know why I did that. Mind you, he has asked me before if he can give one of his ex 10k during her Father's burial which I agreed and he sent her the money.

8. I have rejected some suitors who were willing to marry me coz of him. Though he has never encouraged me to accept any of them. In fact he gets angry hearing that another man is coming close to me.

9. He doesn't call often, I do more of the calling though he always return my calls. He can stay for days without calling unless I call. I know I have been the one holding the relationship coz I thought he will change.

10. Sine 2017 till last year, all I did was forgive him coz I love him. He keeps bringing new / different ladies into the picture. I have gone through a lot of emotional stress. He keeps asking me to stay that he loves me but he's confused.

His good side: He's understanding, motivates me to do my best, he doesn't hit me, he is gentle.

Me on the other hand is sometimes stubborn though very faithful coz I love him to a fault. I easily get angry but forgives easily. When I'm angry I talk so much but I don't abuse him. He is simply the cause of all my anger. He always say I am very understanding, a good girl, drama free but yet he doesn't want to marry me and won't let me go too. I have never involved a third party in our relationship except my late sister who said she wish I will walk away from the relationship because I love the guy more, that it won't end well. All my friends thinks I have a perfect relationship because I don't discuss him with them.

Back to last night, I told him I won't call him again coz he said I am pressurizing him to marry me. The truth is I have seen the hand writing on the wall, not today but two years ago but I keep going back. Please I need advice on how not to go back again. The love he proclaims for me is not enough for him to marry. I have wasted enough time talready. Maybe hearing the raw truth here will help.

Try and give your self some sense before it's too late, love is just a decision not just a feeling

You are making someone a priority who is only making you an option. He will only marry you if he doesn't get a better girl and he will surely get one. Open up your options

pocohantas:



Your problem is not spiritual, your problem is “lack of sense”. You think you can fix a grown man?

If he has problems as a man, he should go meet his parents! I DON’T FIX MEN!

Have you ever seen a SANE man praying for a cheating, unsubmissive woman? Have you ever wondered why most crusades are targeted at women? Because women are obsessed with fixing FCKED MEN. You want to be the woman that made a BAD BOY good! Lmao!

They call you fish brain when it suits them, then virtuous women when they wanna activate the stockholm in you.

There are good men out there, you left them and be giving toto to one ediot. Godforbid!

If he doesn’t have money and sense, you can never find me chatting with him sef. Every man wants a woman to give him peace, respect and love. I would only do that for the best I can find. Ain’t fixing any modafucker.

Dump that bagger!

Preach on baby, preach.

Some crazy women out there. A full grown man dated you for 5 years and no sign of marriage and you are still in a relationship with him? Little wonder there are lots of single women out there.

My dear How can you see Sign of marriage ,when God is actually showing you signs to Runaway.Try and build your self-esteem ,Don't say you Love Him without first loving yourself first.I know you feel stock with him because you have come a long way,but leaving him is your choice to make not nairalanders.Choose your Mental state first ,Love yourself more ,marriage will come with the right person "Never show signs of desperation * , Aviod Sex with him because it as a role of messing with your mindset.Embrace God .
A broken relationship is better than a toxic /broken marriage

Mavichic:
My dear How can you see Sign of marriage ,when God is actually showing you signs to Runaway.Try and build your self-esteem ,Don't say you Love Him without first loving yourself first.I know you feel stock with him because you have come a long way,but leaving him is your choice to make not nairalanders.Choose your Mental state first ,Love yourself more ,marriage will come with the right person "Never show signs of desperation * , Aviod Sex with him because it as a role of messing with your mindset.Embrace God .
A broken relationship is better than a toxic /broken marriage

Apparently. Hopefully, she would take the advice.

If you didn't listen to your late sister of blessed memory, is it total strangers you will listen to?
I gave up on your kinda case long time ago.
I don't even care if a woman still stays with a man that beats her, I can only wish sense locates her someday.

Ineedtoheal:

I wish he will let me be and not try sweet talking
me into opening my heart to him again.

Please for all you can don't give him another chance.
He would continue to waste your time
Leave him and move forward.

thorpido:
There was a guy on one thread one time that made a wonderful comment about 'old midnight newspaper men' and their weariness to settle down.

You didn't take your time enough to study this guy and see he's just a player/non-committal guy.He showed signs of unseriouness from the beginning.
I will advise you to move on.This guy really doesn't want to settle and definitely won't settle for you.
Block his calls.Stop calling him.Block him on social media.It will hurt for a few days but you will get over it Better than just giving free kpekus to a guy who won't marry you and you are 27yrs already.

You have said it all.

Shibaraba:
Should we tell her?

Yeah, she deserves to hear it.

Do you mind coming to our church? Come for the word of God, and God will grant you your request

jbhitler:
when I am here praying day and night for a life partner and here she finds herself in a wrong hands. life is not fair.

I usually don't do this but I have to on this case...Your point stating at his Father's burial yourself and two other EX worked together serving people,What does that mean or what were you all trying to portray?
Madam Lady,Read your post slowly and repeat for same for about three times and then get into the bathroom get a cold bath and start listening to other suitor cos if you go down this land with that dude,you would use another profile name to ask people here that you are looking for a new Man....Just my thoughts..

There are 3 sides of every story , have heard just one ,
Maybe he really loves you , maybe he's just scared of how expensive it might be getting married to you ? , maybe u guys are giving him an impression that marriage spending and other extra traditional rite might choke him, maybe he is just saving up , 5 years ? Then u guys most have talked about how getting married is like , u guys most have goofed about it ....
I don't know the whole story my dear , this is half baked ,
But if this is how you feel in your relationship, only you can decide if he's worth it , na naija we all dey , most people here worse pass your man , but I get the thrill

Leave the guy joor. Don't be a fool. Maybe na because he got big dick and handsome dat why u no wan leave. Am. Note. If u marry dat man . Na divorce go end. Run. More good guys. Out guys out there dieying to have u..

2 other girls with you and you stayed? He doesn't tell his friends he will marry you and you stayed? He said he doesn't have a girlfriend to your hearing and you stayed? He sent 10k to an ex with your approval and you believe it was an ex and you stayed? Your sister warned you and yet you stayed? He told you point blank you are pressuring him and you stayed? He told you his belief about women and you stayed? Madam!!!!!! Grow up, he doesn't want anyone else to date you etc and you stayed while he goes after the girls and even sends their pictures to his friends and not your pictures! What advice do you need again than these red flags that it will end in tears for you the day you will find out he has actually married one of those ladies and has wasted 10 years of your life, made you lose suitors and you are 32 with no prospect of marriage till 40. Grow up, go pack your things and deafen those silly ears of yours to his soothing juju-laden apologies or else for you; it will end in tears. He didn't even show concern when the person who trained you died. Wake up!! Fool, wake up.

What has pass has pass already so sister should be wise let men pay b4 any other thing.

Maybe I forgot to add this, he said its a spiritual thing. That it didn't start with me.

It could be true. I have same issues. I have been with my girl fot 4 years now and yet I can't seem to settle down with her. She has exactly same character as you. She loves me to fault that whenever I talk to her, she would run back to me.Sometimes, I ask myself what is keeping me from getting married to a nice and faithful girl.
Please try to find out if he has a spiritual wife.

PrimadonnaO:


This here is the very reason why I say the boyfriend/girlfriend type of relationship is just a sham. People with motives to just waste your time, and hurt you.

I tell a guy clearly from the get go to define what he wants [/s]and state his timelines[s]. I may or may not be interested, it depends. [/b]But when I'm not 16, what am I going into a relationship without a worthy goal for[b]?

evening newspaper spotted!

where were you @ 16? probably slaying , exploring & rejecting potential suitors. now this is 2020 , you realise that time is no longer your best friend. only a desperate , worthless & low value man will accept your nonsense STATE YOUR TIMELINE RULE.

you make it seem ...

like he's competing against usain bolt in a 100metre race!
maybe he went for a job interview @ aso rock where he has less than 5mins to defend his strong academic profile/cv!

who are you?
dangote daugther?
buhari daugther?
are you as beautiful as bianca?

you're telling us that you're a rare commodity in the market , yeah, many buyers approach you daily , hence the STATING OF TIMELINE... , but you're still dead single , & the worst part is that you're NOT SWEET SIXTEEN.

i hate nonsense , have a blissful weekend ahead.

Dear
Its so clear,time to move on,open your windows out and make yourself available

There is something funke is not telling us.....

his dick size has been keeping her arround him all this long...shekina!!!

you need to let go, He does not deserve you.

Ineedtoheal:

I wish he will let me be and not try sweet talking me into opening my heart to him again.

There is something the Igbo call 'anya ọnwụ'. The literal meaning is the eyes of death. Bring it out for serious business like this and you will overcome all his sweet talks which are all pretence.

Ineedtoheal


you can make it 15 years!

don't give up yet!!

because stupidity is as great as the ocean; everything finds a place in it!!!

That he is good in bed should not make you jeopardize your future.

Take a walk now!

Are you too ugly to the extent that you lost hope on yourself that no other guy will come way?


Why have you chosen to act foolishly for so long?

you wan act lord of the rings?

luluosas:
Do you mind coming to our church? Come for the word of God, and God will grant you your request

where is your church brother?

Acidosis:
To be honest, dating any man in that age group would come with many troubles. Ideally, a man of 35-40 years shouldn't be single. When you meet or fall in love with these men (which is what most women of these days prefer), you should be prepared to fight through. The solution is simple: fight through until he becomes yours through marriage (and be prepared to fight on to keep him)

The other solution is to quit. Get yourself another man and grow together. There are truly no 35-40 year old single men out there. They're always entangled with one or more women, one troublesome ex, etc etc. The decision is yours to make.

Nigerian situation is not ideal

Better run for your life
He's not getting married to you

pocohantas:


My dear, when a man is ready, when a man really wants you? Na you go run. The fire in them at that point dey pass women own sef.

The problem with some of you is that you think relationship is all about love. Nah! Lots of strategy is involved. I won’t say more than that...

Relationship guru

Tell us which strategies?

pocohantas:



Your problem is not spiritual, your problem is “lack of sense”. You think you can fix a grown man?

If he has problems as a man, he should go meet his parents! I DON’T FIX MEN!

Have you ever seen a SANE man praying for a cheating, unsubmissive woman? Have you ever wondered why most crusades are targeted at women? Because women are obsessed with fixing FCKED MEN. You want to be the woman that made a BAD BOY good! Lmao!

They call you fish brain when it suits them, then virtuous women when they wanna activate the stockholm in you.

There are good men out there, you left them and be giving toto to one ediot. Godforbid!

If he doesn’t have money and sense, you can never find me chatting with him sef. Every man wants a woman to give him peace, respect and love. I would only do that for the best I can find. Ain’t fixing any modafucker.

Dump that bagger!

Why do you speak like a frustated person?