Ariza:
Ma, I never typed that men can not love but men can't learn to love. There's a difference. Toks postulated that but I didn't hamper on it because I do not believe that it neither is it the subject of discourse.

Men can't learn to love?

They can.

bukatyne:


Men can't learn to love?

They can.

How?

Ariza:
Do I? . I think meeting the right guy is the perfect explanation. When I do , butterflies will fly in my belly again. Lol

Amen to that, you will meet the right guy if you are open

Ariza:
How?

Can't answer that right now.

bukatyne:


Can't answer that right now.

Lol . Take your time, do your research. I will be here when you're ready.

Tajbol4splend:




Amen to that, you will meet the right guy if you are open

Mr right don come tey tey but she don pursue am cos she no get feelings for am

bukatyne:


Men can't learn to love?

They can.

As long as you appeal to them sexually they will always desire(love you) but if you don't, they can only tolerate you.

i agree

zmpp:
i agree

Good to know.

Toks2008:


As long as you appeal to them sexually they will always desire(love you) but if you don't, they can only tolerate you.

And this is one thing I find difficult to accept even though I see and hear about it a lot. I still have that belief that love doesn't necessarily mean sex to all Men.To some mean sex doesn't equate love like men themselves paint it. Even you did.

Both sexes should be discerning.

Another thread for them lovers boys and girls
If this topic can hit front page since Jan, it means weakling guys too can turn to a wiser one

It’s good to treat your woman with utmost care

Love market, phew.

Sometimes it goes wrong, sometimes it’s the best option

Omar09:


I don't know if you were actually conscious when you posted this. I mean you are asking women to reprogram themselves, and to do things for themselves. You are asking women to pause their emotions the thing they live and strive on, their skill? C'mon man, it's not possible. They'd rather die than do that. You don't tell a specie to not act on how nature built it. If you had asked men not to be emotional then I'd say you asked them to leave a terrain that's not theirs unto one which is theirs "logic".

Chop knuckle

Women and their endless list of desires. To them men are nothing but genies.

Mod dig it out since January 30th

Toks2008:
Have you ever heard these words from ladies?, "I know John truly wants me but i dont have any feelings for him but i have strong feelings for Jude yet he is treating me like trash"

Ladies are ruled by their feelings but unfortunately, many ladies have been sent to their early graves cos of this same feelings and many are down with mental illness and some are even locked up in psychiatry all in the name of feelings.

Now understand this; your feelings are very important but you also have the power to control it. Not every man who approaches you for romance really desires you and not every man who proposes marriage really wants you for the right reason so you need to really have a strong grip on your feelings and the first step to achieving this is to be self-sufficient in all ramifications to avoid hinging your feelings on the material things the guy can offer but rather on his true intent which is expressed in how he treats you.

Every lady has Phronesis(A type of wisdom or intelligence) that enables her know if a man sincerely wants her but she usually develops feelings for another who will most likely treat her like trash.

Your feelings can destroy you if channeled towards the wrong person so no matter how attractive that guy may look, no matter how sweet and smooth he sounds, no matter the material things he showers on you, no matter how good he is in bed, as vital as these qualities are, please always press the pause button on your feelings and observe him carefully for the right attributes. Yes people do change but a man who truly desires you will most likely always desire you regardless.

The movie Beauty and the beast is more than a fiction...one secret ladies don't know is that they can develop feelings for any guy who truly desires them and treats them like a queen even if that guy is totally opposite of what they want in terms of physical looks...this is a mystery... so put your feelings on hold and observe keenly then give your feelings to a guy that is deserving of it.

I know this is extremely difficult for many ladies but it is the only way you can reduce the possibility of ending up in the wrong hands.

Hope this makes sense.

Absolutely true.

But some ladies still have ojukokoro

Omar09:


I don't know if you were actually conscious when you posted this. I mean you are asking women to reprogram themselves, and to do things for themselves. You are asking women to pause their emotions the thing they live and strive on, their skill? C'mon man, it's not possible. They'd rather die than do that. You don't tell a specie to not act on how nature built it. If you had asked men not to be emotional then I'd say you asked them to leave a terrain that's not theirs unto one which is theirs "logic".

Mchew

Mods, wuna try... Threat since January, na now im come FP

Toks2008:


The movie Beauty and the beast is more than a fiction...one secret ladies don't know is that they can develop feelings for any guy who truly desires them and treats them like a queen even if that guy is totally opposite of what they want in terms of physical looks...this is a mystery... so put your feelings on hold and observe keenly then give your feelings to a guy that is deserving of it.



Hope this makes sense.

It doesn't make sense, and this is fallacy
Your assumption is flawed sir

AfroKnight:
Women and their inconstancy.

The poster above (no offence) has shown you guys that the average woman wouldn’t just love you because you are kind to her, especially after she has formed her opinion on you. She either wants you or not. Simple.

That is why I believe a guy should cut his loses and move on when his woman cheats. You cannot and should not win such a woman back. It is dangerous to the man. Her heart is elsewhere and apparently nothing you do would change that. Perhaps maturity on her part would do. But would you wait till she’s 45 or 50 for her to realise that you are the best thing that happened to her? No.

Toks is coming from a logical point of view, trying to address the common issue of unrequited love, that has led men into suffering for a woman who would leave eventually. But this does not work. They love whom they love and mostly for illogical or unknowable reasons. It is often tied to the first impression they get when they meet the guy.

Only mature women and the very rare young woman can do what you’re asking Toks.

Yes only the matured and very rare young ladies.

This job should mostly be done by a parents at younger age.

Once you don't hide anything from your female child at early stage of her life before she goes into TEENS.
If you can capture her mind and make her sew the world of love differently, she will grow to be different from her peers


But most parents may feel its too early or may not really have time for such

If you fail to do this , it means that you are leaving that child to be taught by life experience s, which may not be good at all.
Some, as a result may become feminist, while some may not live to tell their stories.

Not good for a woman to date many men before getting married

@ the bolded is not true cos ive tried severally to develop feelings for one or two good guys I felt would make a perfect spouse but it just didn't click. And it took me years trying to see if there's a way I can build the love for these guys, or feel something for them but same same.
You can't really force this feelings or develop it yourself, it won't work. This things happen naturally and if it not there, it not there. That is why most marriages are having problems today because you have people advising you saying, " you can build love, love grows in marriage, just marry the man first and love will come later" jaggons. If it actually works like that, then it would have happened for me when I tried forcing it for those guys I talked about earlier.

Feeling is something you can't control. That is why when you feel something for someone, you can't control how fast it grows until it reaches a peak where it becomes a threat. Likewise you dont have the power to control your feelings and make it grow for someone it doesn't click with. It's a natural phenomenon beyond every living being.

Please let not be misguided.
I believe in true love with genuine feelings and that is what covers all sins. As in no matter what the person does to you, you still want to be with them.

It took me 4 years after my ex to fall in love again. And this new guy is a Nairalander. Yes! And this happened within a few weeks. But we had a little misunderstanding and I was heartbroken to which I confided in a guy here about how I felt. So he asked me, how long have I dated this new guy that the love hurts so badly. I told him just a few weeks and he went wow! Like is it not too early to love so deeply?
Now I didn't realized that my feelings had grown so fast and so deep for this guy until he mentioned it and I paused to think but realized its not my fault! Its how nature works and we can't control these things.

I don't think you should generalise. I have mastered the act of control... everything just lies in your psychosis.
Well, I believe that no one is irreplaceable, and no matter how deep I have fallen with one, how intertwined we've grown into ourselves, or if it's been ages weve dated, it only takes two weeks for me to completely forget about the person and move on with my life.

This is one of the Gifts I thank God mostly for.
Possessing this skill has saved me from so many stupid distractions that would have veered me off course in life. I can't say so for many of my friends that have fallen victim to emotional and psychological trauma.

Hmm

.

Oga toks at 45 when u go marry or born na. The article is right tho. Many are now 35 to 45 wailing and crying. Men dont send them. Anymore

Tajbol4splend:



You have spec, that's why you don't easily fall in love with just anyone

As if you don't have spec, everybody wants what they want.
Going below your expectations will certainly lead to divorce in the long run

It's all about emotional intelligence which Daniel Goleman took time to outline in his book. Emotional intelligence is all about learning how to control your emotions before you take any decision on life. This also includes decisions about who you love and eventually marry. People should read, seek for wisdom always. If you are a Christian, try and read Proverbs on daily basis. Thanks