sgtponzihater1:
Tell people the whole truth. Its easier for men. Several unmarried ladies in their 30s keep asking if I know any guy even in Nigeria. They get to their 30s and dont mind helping a keke driver with papers so they can get married, as long as he is at least presentable. They may even pay for the wedding.

Eh yah. They must have formed well in the past until reality hit them on the face.

1234IKECHhukwu:
Madam for ur info there's no guarantee O! I have seen many (ladies) leave all there life just like that without nobody (man) locating them.

It simply means that that's their own destiny/fate. However, the truth is that they are being fulfilled in one way or the other, moreover, marriage doesn't exactly mean fulfilment to some ladies.

Amen oh

fatymore:
you won't fall victim to such.

Crispels:
ON A FINAL NOTE:

Dating abroad is totally different from dating in Nigeria. There are lots of cultural differences and you must really understand these differences before shooting any shot - otherwise: you will make terrible mistakes that may ruin your reputation, mental health and growth. You may even be hated and ghosted by certain people. In America for instance, dating apps is a big deal and things happen so fast - compared to Nigeria where on the average, things take longer.

If you are a Nigerian guy and you think it is the sole responsibility of your girlfriend(wife) to cook and take care of the family - then your stupi**d patriarchy mentality will fail you big time abroad.
Most Nigerian - American girls dislike some Nigerian guys (particularly those who grew up in Nigeria) due to this kind of patriarchy and “male dominance” mentality. Many Nigerian - American girls as a result of strong upbringing by their families can cook really well(even our egusi and other Naija food) but they will hate you if you make it look like it’s their responsibility to cook for you all the time. You must also get to the kitchen - do the dishes, wash the meat, clean the tables and even cook some food as well! Everything is 50-50 in America!!! Your wife(or even girlfriend) is not your slave and it’s high time most Nigerian guys(even those based in Ibadan, Uyo, Kano and Enugu) start realizing this.

WE NEED TO TREAT OUR WOMEN LIKE QUEENS, JEWELS AND SUPPORT THEM IN THE KITCHEN, THEIR CAREERS AND IN EVERY OTHER AREA.

Wish I could like your post a zillion times.

@OP, your summation nailed it! Lets' note however all the issues of loneliness, dating and such raised in the three threads, are common to every nationalities from coast to coast. Here we are concerned though with what affects/ relates to us Nigerians.
I was on several dating apps from OKCUPID, HINGE, BUMBLEBEE, BLACKPEOPLEMEET, TELEGRAPH DATING,BLK to NL,etc. I expereinced that majority of the women, apart from setting unrealistic Eldorado, they are not really ready yet for any commitment. They think it's time, yet they place cogs in their wheel to move forward.
1. Most are advanced in their academics, you will see a profile of a 37 year old, never married, no kids, a professor of this or that. After several flirts , real messages, apps prepared messages, they will then check out your profile, 1, 2 and 3rd times and eventually gifted you with monos- Yes!, Thanks! emojis! You kept on, they understand you are serious, and then you managed to get them to chat, you impressed them and boom,the decision- You are a good and kind person, but we can only be friend, I want a professional. Ask her a professional? She will responded- a professor like her in any field. Now tell me, where in the world will a eligible bachelor be with all those qualities in one basket!!!?
2. You find some with Nigerian name, , they will view you 100 times, but never think it ok to say even a hello!
3. You find other ladies, from other nations, with 1, 2, 3, 4 kids, never married, living with 1 or all of their kids, and they want all your qualities,and to accept all they have in their luggage and just fit in. Yet you get them to go out on a lunch/dinner date, go along with all their fancies, and they still said your final approval lies with their children approval!!
4. You talked with 55 year olds, very willing, mother of a 25 year old, but with one ailments or the other and don't want kids no more! There is the brick wall for you!
For someone like me, having seen most, it is just to take it softly and keep up the hope and faith spirit.
The Op from the rejoinder Canadian thread has lots of uploads on her channel, guess she is too occupied to check her inbox.
Anyway, life goes on as we know it. COVID-19 killed, is killing more men than women, compounding the see-saw dilemma and loneliness for the women now and the singles.
And yet the men surviving, are still missing out, the serious and ready one though!!!

[quote author=Naughtysite post=88295901]

This thread is more intelligent and helpful than any other thread that has been raised on this Issue.

The writer is not only intelligent but has high IQ which is evident from his style of writing and choice of words.

Allow others to read and acquire knowledge.[/quote)

You really spoken my mind. Different threads have different audience, if you do not fancy a thread you can just skip to another,rather making uninformed comments.
As interesting as the various points made by the OP, i will say i enjoyed his writing skills more. I commend his well balanced,rational and intelletual depth.
OP,Let no discourage you from writing, more oil to your pen

HustleMind12:
Abeg which Nigerian-American or black American girl that can come and date me, I mean a serious relationship that will lead to marriage o, I will be a very loyal man to her and I will never break her heart.....even if she is a single mother I will gladly accept her. I'm 26, tall and handsome

I need help and I need to get out of this country

You can reach me on Whatsapp +2348063173493

You already said what you need. You need help not relationship. Take dating out of it coz no one will text you with that ur write up as u come off as cheap, desperate and an opportunist.

Ask for help if help is what you need, not relationship.

Budline1:


Eh yah. They must have formed well in the past until reality hit them on the face.

But several men are looking for the opportunity too. Hunger is rampant in the department

sgtponzihater1:


But several men are looking for the opportunity too. Hunger is rampant in the department

True, no doubt.

missimelda01:


lol I beg to disagree, love can mean the direct opposite when you're with the right person.

Lol, yeah that too can be said, but in conclusion we can see that love is a puzzle that cannot be totally solved.

Have a great weekend.

Op, it breaks my heart that you’d talk about cultural differences and in the same breath call our culture “stupid” just because you live abroad.
If we so much respect western cultures no matter how warped they may be, why do we treat ours with so much disdain?
Will talking down and berating our culture make us more western than the westerners themselves?
I am not happy with you for referring to our culture as stupid just because we say a woman makes and keeps a home. It kind of watered down all the things you wrote there for me.
Let’s learn to accord everyone their due respects.
Thank you.

(4). WE SHOULD ALL BE REALISTIC AND STAY TRUE TO OURSELVES.

EgunMogaji2:


N2M per year is the rent?

Yes boss. U can WhatsApp me for more info

I totally enjoyed this trend and the comments �
Thanks for adding to my knowledge, they are very insightful btw it's my first time dropping a comment here, I've been on this platform for about 5 years.
Good bless nairaland.

Nukilia:


These kind girls go tear eye for abroad guys when dem reach there

Tear nor dey abroad ohh .guy men nah muguruza and the mugus be gunmen.las Las nah dem go still co.e 9ja come look for man.and if character bad well well three kids later dem go wise.

fujirice:
Op, it breaks my heart that you’d talk about cultural differences and in the same breath call our culture “stupid” just because you live abroad.
If we so much respect western cultures no matter how warped they may be, why do we treat ours with so much disdain?
Will talking down and berating our culture make us more western than the westerners themselves?
I am not happy with you for referring to our culture as stupid just because we say a woman makes and keeps a home. It kind of watered down all the things you wrote there for me.
Let’s learn to accord everyone their due respects.
Thank you.

I will never abandon my culture anywhere anytime cos wherever u find yourself from home there is a culture in the land.there is no yard stick that measures what o e is better.

SweetCunt97:
Yes! Nigerian men need to drop that male dominance bullshit. You both can't be working and you expect her to slave away in the kitchen all by herself while you watch television.. No no no.

Anyways, we'll get there some day, afterall the west had male dominance some decades ago before the rise of feminism breaking their women free from the shackles of male dominated oppression.

you're just a fake feminist who thinks her overflogged cunt is still sweet. This is Africa. Respect a man and live happily or remain a fake feminist and remain lonelier, angrier and frustrated .

Finally, all those girls shouting "men are scum" with you are very loyal to their men and enjoying a mind blowing sex while you struggle with your virus infested vibrator.

I love u sis

erico2k2:

Abroad is a hard place for a Nigerian woman, the competition is 2much cos where you wear ur Brazilian hair, there are real Brazilian women with their hair. The only thing you can put 4ward as a bargaining chip is your character and expectations if not you are on your own!

Abroad is a hard place for every woman, irrespective of race.

We do not all use Brazilian hair, some of us are fine with our natural hair. All I'm reading is another hit on black women.

Nobody likes black women, nobody finds them attractive. Competition is stiff because they are at the bottom of the ladder.

Don't worry, I'm not trying to compete with Brazilian women, or the women black men find attractive. I don't have the kind of body Nigerian men approve of, so, yeah, my character and intelligence is basically the only thing I have, and the only thing I have ever had all my life.

So, thank you, once again, negro man, for reminding me, that nobody wants a black woman. It is not something that is alien to me anyway

PS: Brazilian women wear wigs and extensions too, don't assume their hair is 100% real, because it isn't

einsteino:


In the diaspora, one can hardly afford any sort of help. So unless you plan on living in Nigeria, or would be a multi millionaire in dollars, it would be unlikely that anyone but you and your spouse would do the chores. The reason why having domestic help is a thing in Nigeria is because they are paid poorly. In the diaspora an on call maid or driver would very easily earn $2k to $4k a month. Live in maids cost so much more that only the real rich can even consider having one.

The good thing is that tech has eased house chores. So much of the chores we spend time on in Naija, are automated in the diaspora.

When I mentioned getting help with cleaning companies, I certainly did not have the diaspora inond.

Ariza:
Mtcheeewwwwww

All of you should go to bed already, you have all overworked your brains today.

yassinattah:

Madam seriously speaking,we want the same for you because it isn't easy putting up with you here in Nigeria,So leave us be,and we will thank you for that.
Savage comments everywhere

I wasn't trying to be savage.

I was stating a truth I would rather not dabble further into. Funny enough, Nairaland guys have been part of the terrible experiences I have had.

Crispels:
ON A FINAL NOTE:

Dating abroad is totally different from dating in Nigeria. There are lots of cultural differences and you must really understand these differences before shooting any shot - otherwise: you will make terrible mistakes that may ruin your reputation, mental health and growth. You may even be hated and ghosted by certain people. In America for instance, dating apps is a big deal and things happen so fast - compared to Nigeria where on the average, things take longer.

If you are a Nigerian guy and you think it is the sole responsibility of your girlfriend(wife) to cook and take care of the family - then your stupi**d patriarchy mentality will fail you big time abroad.
Most Nigerian - American girls dislike some Nigerian guys (particularly those who grew up in Nigeria) due to this kind of patriarchy and “male dominance” mentality. Many Nigerian - American girls as a result of strong upbringing by their families can cook really well(even our egusi and other Naija food) but they will hate you if you make it look like it’s their responsibility to cook for you all the time. You must also get to the kitchen - do the dishes, wash the meat, clean the tables and even cook some food as well! Everything is 50-50 in America!!! Your wife(or even girlfriend) is not your slave and it’s high time most Nigerian guys(even those based in Ibadan, Uyo, Kano and Enugu) start realizing this.

WE NEED TO TREAT OUR WOMEN LIKE QUEENS, JEWELS AND SUPPORT THEM IN THE KITCHEN, THEIR CAREERS AND IN EVERY OTHER AREA.

We will treat them well if them stop to dey do Olosho..

1daboi:
you're just a fake feminist who thinks her overflogged cunt is still sweet. This is Africa. Respect a man and live happily or remain a fake feminist and remain lonelier, angrier and frustrated .

Finally, all those girls shouting "men are scum" with you are very loyal to their men and enjoying a mind blowing sex while you struggle with your virus infested vibrator.

I love sis

Lol. See finishing . Boys get mouth o.

A sound perspective. Ladies and gentlemen take note and make some changes. Thank you OP.

safarigirl:
Funny how most of the points here, are also reflected in the Nigerian society in Nigeria

I can't wait to go abroad and be avoided by all the Nigerians. I think I've had enough of them, even from here

You always sound intriguing.

anonymous1759:
...

You can't eat your cake and have it. That's the Summary of the entire write up. On the other hand never let anyone use you as a plan B. If you don't accept me for who I'm today, don't expect me to accept you when I become the man of your dreams tomorrow it's that simple.

If there's one thing I cherish from a lady is loyalty any foreigner who treats Me like a brother or boyfriend is my bae, any Nigerian girl that treats me like a stranger she's automatically a stranger if you don't show me love done expect me to reciprocate it.

Religion, ethnicity, race, nationality etc.. Are all tools to divide us, what really matters is the individual's soul, so don't over look someone that gave you all the love when you're in need and give a modafuckers a second chance because you share the ethnicity or Nationality.

Thanks bro, this is the summary of life for me.

uuzba:

Lonely people making noise

I studied overseas as well. It didn't take 1 month for me to notice the extreme loneliness.
By 5 months, nothing was funny again
I kept in touch with my Nigerian girlfriend. She didn't understand anything yet
She got scholarship and also came overseas. She sef saw the loneliness.
Na 2 of us wan finish the whole Skype everyday.
When pepper refused to rest, we informed our parents and friends, did marriage course, went to church and married.
Nobody in the whole overseas could be a friend to me and her.
We carried ourselves and returned to Nigeria.

Leave Oyibo and their wierd loneliness culture.

Commot, nah UK u go .

fatymore:
Any abroad base looking for wife in Nigeria?

Come and marry me

Cheap, desperate. Help is what u need not relationship. We should stop mixing help with love or relationship. How can you say that you’re ready to date or marry someone that u haven’t met or converse with? Which kind of yahoo is this one?

Aren’t there good men around u that u can date and grow with if a relationship/ marriage is truly what u want? I’m even sure that you have a boyfriend. What about those good Muslim brothers that u have been rejecting? U dey find man to use as a ladder of upgrade ba? Gold digger. Later y’all complain about been abused and about how men are scum because you have ignored the man truly meant for u while u keep running after those that will never care about you.

Seek for help not relationship if help is what u want. You lots condemn men all the time and can not do anything for any man but always expect men to save your lives. Mtchhw.

Well, as much as this is about Nigerian ladies , most of them don't know what they want and I think that's the reason for the unrealistic checklist .

Ur name suits you deae,so sad u passed thru lots and met the wrong ones.
Now am not an abroad freak any longer d business am doin in Abuja is ok fir me its just that Coro wants to obstruct many things.
I have missed chances to b in US my mum was pregnant n travelled to d states but came back a month to her delivery to Naija.In 2005 after i finnished school.I got admission in Coastal Carolina University to study Computer Engineering.I lost the visa interview.I have dated white american SM in the USA who i later found out to be a CIA.Her coming to Naija was a difficult thing as my line here was traced by d CIA it was hell that time.Even her mum a soldier smashed her phone because of me.She got another one and told everything.She was willing to help me to come over but i saw it as my death.She told me she hated her job and life.Wanted a free life she was 25years then.
Everyone has their stories to tell,am content with what i have so dear its not a must u die because of a man.









quote author=HeavenlyCherub post=88279844]

Honestly I think you have good points in your paragraphs. I agree that as women we shouldn’t single out every man who isn’t walking in their purpose at that given time. However I would never advise anyone to settle.

Some of the financially challenged/student men who come to the US, a very large percentage have taken advantage of good women all in the name of love. I can only use myself as an example. I have dated guys who weren’t stable financially so I can only try help my fellow sisters.


Man 1: Yoruba guy - I dated him for 5 years. Great guy however refused to self improve. He did yahoo. I found out about it and tried to make him stop and do legit as I wouldn’t want our foundation built on potential blood money. He refused a legit job and informed me he knew “the life he wanted for himself and 9 to 5 was not it.” This is because he was consumed by lifestyle and driving range rovers and a Porsche’s. I stuck with him for love but I refused to marry him or his proposal as he didn’t believe in taking care of a woman. He was very selfish (during the course of a 5 year relationship this man never gave me any assistance for upkeep - mind you I didn’t need his money as I do very well for myself but every woman wants their man to be able to support and provide in small ways. This shows me you’re stable and can support our family should we hit hard times. He would always ask me why I need money and what I do with the money I earn. $10 to buy a panty he could not even do, but he stayed embellished in Gucci, LV and Prada. He also had a baby on me and begged me to raise the child with him if it was his after dna...I was scared toput myself in that position as a time when I have to depend on him will come and he would not man up as he should so I broke it off. He proposed I said no. . No way I can submit to a man like that?..

Man 2: was an international student, the devil himself in human form, they say respect them, support them and let them reach goals.. this guy I supported financially for months, paved a way for him to get his paperwork.. loved and supported. He was nice at first but when we started dating he started changing. Abusing me for not giving 5k usd and not wanting to marry him for green card... I thank God for protecting me from that one chance. He is the biggest regret and bad mistake I ever made in my life. So disheartening you support someone and they physically, verbally abuse you and blame you for the wrong going on in their life... read my story on my profile from 2 years ago for more context Note: I myself am not perfect and I’m constantly working on self improving and strengthening my bond with Christ. I’m big on giving advice to others so they won’t repeat the same mistakes I have made.

My aunt always told me never to date down. Never settle and I did. All the women waiting...wait for Gods time don’t force or rush things because you want to get married. You will end up with someone who puts baggage on you and breaks you emotionally, physically, financially etc. Let Go and Let God. If it’s his will for your life it will be. Don’t leave worse off then you started.

I also have a friend she married someone coming straight from naija. They lived as man and wife 3 years. He got his green card and went back to Nigeria to marry his real girlfriend.

I truly dislike when men put down women like this post. Marriage is not an accomplishment. It will be nice to find a compatible companion but sister- you are enough as you are. Don’t let anyone rush you. Some are happy but many more want to get out of the marriage you are rushing to. Be wise and Let God lead.

Pray for God to give you discernment. Marriage is life and that’s a long journey. Don’t end up with the wrong person because of societal pressure and advice from OP above. I have said my own[/quote]

IHate9jerianss:

The guy is a weakling.
Didnt you see the part in his silly write up where he insinuated successful Nigerians in the US should be apologetic to worthless black Americans for being successful?
He also wants Nigerian men to treat their cunty,arrogant female counterparts like queens when those same women treat Nigerian men like poo both at home and abroad

Both you and the guy you quoted are not okay


Black Americans are not worthless
No human is.

uuzba:


I spoke to my friend in US. He's married to a Nigerian paper girl. So he's a citizen like her.
Regardless, guy still said he will return to Nigeria, go to his village and build house because his children must know where they come from.

Do you know that ALL THE BLACK PEOPLE and ALL THE WHITE PEOPLE in America, cannot do this? They know they are strangers to America but they cannot trace their village. So they just live anywhere they like in the whole America.

Do you know how jealous they are of you when they discover you have a place called HOME that you can return to? And they don't have?

That's why they drink and Fu*k and behave anyhow they like.

What kind of mentality is this bikonu?

A good number of my uncles think this way too sha.


In case you dont know
The concept of "home l" as thought about by a typical African is an illusion

It's hard for especially Igbos to understand that

But its okay
Everyone to his way of life