₦airaland Forum

Ishilove:
I never give relationship advice on my Facebook page. That's not what this is. Today, I will just talk about Men who Hate Women, and the Women that Love them.

Do you know how to "razzle" babes? I do now. But I wasn't born with that knowledge. I had to learn how.

Growing up as a kid in Nigeria wasn't easy. Our parents mostly tried their best to instill the values handed down to them from their parents, but raising a child in Africa is to a large extent a community effort. Your parents too learnt from their community.

Besides there were some things you had to learn on your own. There was a lot of trial and error. A lot of cuts, bruises, scraped knees, butted heads and broken bones. Physical and mental scars.

The emotional pain was real but never acknowledged. As a teenager getting to know yourself, navigating social interactions and romantic relationships was taboo but essential knowlege.

Nowadays kids have counsellors, psychologists, the internet, xanax, phones and all that to deal with that stuff.

Those days you had your hand and a copy of Lolly magazine.

But you still had to get laid.

The girls too were naive, brainwashed, misinformed, conflicted, indoctrinated, caged, paranoid and Hot. Abused and scarred. Just like the boys.

Hurt people, hurt people. You cannot give what you don't have. The blind cannot lead the blind. Nobody is perfect and you are constrained to work with what you have.

In the state we were in, we were in no condition to love ourselves. But we had to love somebody. Even if we didn't know how.

But how does a monster love a ghost? The worlds leading psychotherapists armed with encephalographs and MRI machines would have a hard time diagnosing what our major malfunction actually was today. In those days, as a teenage boy, as a young man, you had to figure out a young woman.

Some people spend their whole lives trying to figure women out. They never do. Women are not designed to be figured out. But people know stuff. Arcane knowledge exists. Some boys were much better at it than others. We looked up to them. If you were lucky, your older brother would pull you aside. If you were curious enough you would ask or watch a "successful" friend. If you were desperate enough you would pay the street jock money. If you were nice enough your own sister would sit you down.

"You're getting it wrong." "You're overthinking it." "You've watched too many Disney cartoons." "It's really quite simple." "It's only that it's counterintuitive." "Let me teach you." "You're a sharp guy." "You will learn."

And so we learnt.

We learnt how to be a sexist.

We learnt how to be scum.

We learnt how not to value women.

We learnt how to get women drunk and take advantage of them.

We learnt how to emotionally abuse women.

We learnt how to emotionally manipulate women.

We learnt how to give half compliments.

We learnt how to keep a womans Ego in check.

We learnt how to bully women.

We learnt that men are superior to women.

We learnt how to exploit women.

We learnt that women were supposed to clean up after me.

We learnt that it was a womans duty to cook for me.

We learnt that even the finest woman is insecure about her looks.

We learnt that no matter what a woman does or achieves, at the end of the day I am still superior to her.

We learnt that a woman should be careful the way she talks to me.

We learnt that women are not very intelligent.

We learnt that no woman is complete if she is not under a man.

We learnt that unmarried women of a certain age have something wrong with them.

We learnt that most women are cheap.

We learnt that women are vulnerable to flattery.

We learnt that most married women are sex starved.

We learnt that single mothers are desperate and easy picking.

We learnt that once you promise a girl marriage she will do anything you ask.

We learnt that if you don't occasionally beat your girlfriend she will insult you.

We learnt that if a woman thinks she is too good for you, you can guilt her into a relationship by calling her proud.

We learnt that if you want to control a single womans behaviour, threaten her that she will die single.

We learnt that if you want to insult a married woman, tell her that you have a woman like her at home.

We learnt that if you want to shame a woman, call her a prostitute.

We learnt that you can rape and subsequently blackmail a girl into becoming your girlfriend.

We learnt that in a relationship, I can cheat, but my Girlfriend is not allowed to.

We learnt that if a girl visits you, she's asking for it.

We learnt that if a girl dresses provocatively, she is Hot.

We learnt how to intimidate a girl into giving me her phone number.

We learnt that women would do anything for money.

We learnt that you can stalk a girl into becoming your girlfriend.

We learnt how to flash my erect penis.

We learnt that when a woman says No, sometimes she means yes.

We learnt that once you buy a girl anything and she accepts, she owes you sex.

We learnt that women feel inferior without being claimed by a man.

We learnt that women are ungrateful so you have to get your reward instantly before they forget what you've done for them.

We learnt that women don't know what they want.

We learnt that if you help a woman you have to sleep with her or you're a fool.

We learnt that if you have an opportunity to Bleep a woman and you don't, you have lost her respect.

This is what Nigerian women don't understand. We, Nigerian men, actually intentionally, through conscious effort, learnt this behaviour. But that's not the strangest part.

The strangest part, the reason why we find it so hard to unlearn this behaviour, is that most of the time, maybe 7 times out of 10, IT WORKS.

Another feminist garbage of blaming men and making women victims.

Feminists are quick to point the speck in another's eyes but oblivious to the log before their own eyes.
Women are masters of emotional manipulations and they are just as wicked as men if not even worst,

Well I dont support denigration of women but neither do I impose an ideological construct on another.

Women intentionally uphold and support ills so far it is beneficial to them.
You generalise that Nigeria men are this and that but scream out your lungs when Nigeria women are given labels. What does that make you?
What do you say about women murdering babies through abortions? Oh babies aren't humans
The increase of paternal fraud?

Is flashing an erect penis now a thing of pride?
How many men do you see flashing an erect penis all over social media? Go through nairaland alone and see the amount of women posing and flaunting the vingina, to the extent that, nothing is about the woman's body is private. Dont just go there?

A simple biology class may open your head as to the difference between male and female.
There are things men interpret to be sexual that women do not and vice versa, these are not social construct as dumb feminists would love to blabb.
No wonder, the rise of feminism also aided the rise of gay, transgender and other crap.

Feminism opined that men and women are equal, and that the only difference is the social construct.
Science has thrashed it out a long time ago. The differences in men and women affects every aspects of human existence.
There are things men loves that women are not interested in, it does not mean women are oppressed neither should you in the name of equality try to hood wink women into it.

It is on statistics that with the rise of feminism, women are becoming more and more unhappy and depressed also.

Instead of trying to force uniformity in men and women why not encourage embracing our differences and using it to complement ourselves and uplift the society.

Yes there are some parts of the african tradition that were not good but there are other part that is good and should be oncourage.

Lastly, learn to take responsibilities and stop looking for excuses or who to blame.

my sister yenyenyen !

Ishilove:
I never give relationship advice on my Facebook page. That's not what this is. Today, I will just talk about Men who Hate Women, and the Women that Love them.

Do you know how to "razzle" babes? I do now. But I wasn't born with that knowledge. I had to learn how.

Growing up as a kid in Nigeria wasn't easy. Our parents mostly tried their best to instill the values handed down to them from their parents, but raising a child in Africa is to a large extent a community effort. Your parents too learnt from their community.

Besides there were some things you had to learn on your own. There was a lot of trial and error. A lot of cuts, bruises, scraped knees, butted heads and broken bones. Physical and mental scars.

The emotional pain was real but never acknowledged. As a teenager getting to know yourself, navigating social interactions and romantic relationships was taboo but essential knowlege.

Nowadays kids have counsellors, psychologists, the internet, xanax, phones and all that to deal with that stuff.

Those days you had your hand and a copy of Lolly magazine.

But you still had to get laid.

The girls too were naive, brainwashed, misinformed, conflicted, indoctrinated, caged, paranoid and Hot. Abused and scarred. Just like the boys.

Hurt people, hurt people. You cannot give what you don't have. The blind cannot lead the blind. Nobody is perfect and you are constrained to work with what you have.

In the state we were in, we were in no condition to love ourselves. But we had to love somebody. Even if we didn't know how.

But how does a monster love a ghost? The worlds leading psychotherapists armed with encephalographs and MRI machines would have a hard time diagnosing what our major malfunction actually was today. In those days, as a teenage boy, as a young man, you had to figure out a young woman.

Some people spend their whole lives trying to figure women out. They never do. Women are not designed to be figured out. But people know stuff. Arcane knowledge exists. Some boys were much better at it than others. We looked up to them. If you were lucky, your older brother would pull you aside. If you were curious enough you would ask or watch a "successful" friend. If you were desperate enough you would pay the street jock money. If you were nice enough your own sister would sit you down.

"You're getting it wrong." "You're overthinking it." "You've watched too many Disney cartoons." "It's really quite simple." "It's only that it's counterintuitive." "Let me teach you." "You're a sharp guy." "You will learn."

And so we learnt.
We learnt how to be a sexist.

We learnt how to be scum.

We learnt how not to value women.

We learnt how to get women drunk and take advantage of them.

We learnt how to emotionally abuse women.

We learnt how to emotionally manipulate women.

We learnt how to give half compliments.

We learnt how to keep a womans Ego in check.

We learnt how to bully women.

We learnt that men are superior to women.

We learnt how to exploit women.

We learnt that women were supposed to clean up after me.

We learnt that it was a womans duty to cook for me.

We learnt that even the finest woman is insecure about her looks.

We learnt that no matter what a woman does or achieves, at the end of the day I am still superior to her.

We learnt that a woman should be careful the way she talks to me.

We learnt that women are not very intelligent.

We learnt that no woman is complete if she is not under a man.

We learnt that unmarried women of a certain age have something wrong with them.

We learnt that most women are cheap.

We learnt that women are vulnerable to flattery.

We learnt that most married women are sex starved.

We learnt that single mothers are desperate and easy picking.

We learnt that once you promise a girl marriage she will do anything you ask.

We learnt that if you don't occasionally beat your girlfriend she will insult you.

We learnt that if a woman thinks she is too good for you, you can guilt her into a relationship by calling her proud.

We learnt that if you want to control a single womans behaviour, threaten her that she will die single.

We learnt that if you want to insult a married woman, tell her that you have a woman like her at home.

We learnt that if you want to shame a woman, call her a prostitute.

We learnt that you can rape and subsequently blackmail a girl into becoming your girlfriend.

We learnt that in a relationship, I can cheat, but my Girlfriend is not allowed to.

We learnt that if a girl visits you, she's asking for it.

We learnt that if a girl dresses provocatively, she is Hot.

We learnt how to intimidate a girl into giving me her phone number.

We learnt that women would do anything for money.

We learnt that you can stalk a girl into becoming your girlfriend.

We learnt how to flash my erect penis.

We learnt that when a woman says No, sometimes she means yes.

We learnt that once you buy a girl anything and she accepts, she owes you sex.

We learnt that women feel inferior without being claimed by a man.

We learnt that women are ungrateful so you have to get your reward instantly before they forget what you've done for them.

We learnt that women don't know what they want.

We learnt that if you help a woman you have to sleep with her or you're a fool.

We learnt that if you have an opportunity to Bleep a woman and you don't, you have lost her respect.

This is what Nigerian women don't understand. We, Nigerian men, actually intentionally, through conscious effort, learnt this behaviour. But that's not the strangest part.

The strangest part, the reason why we find it so hard to unlearn this behaviour, is that most of the time, maybe 7 times out of 10, IT WORKS.

We learnt how to drunk men and steal from their wallet.

We learnt that it's a man's responsible to fend for a woman who isn't his daughter.

We learnt that women are entitled to a man's money.

We learnt that a man's money is OUR money but a woman's money is HER money.

We learnt how to exploit men financially.

We learnt that only women can be emotionally abused.

We learnt to listen and believe a rape aligation made against a man but not the one made against a woman.

A feminist-like strawmanning engineered to make women the victims while vilifying males as opressors, and subtly elevating the female gender above the male gender. Such bleating and whining over a nonexistent problem (or at least, a problem not perpetrated by the overwhelming majority men) is typical of feminists, especially when they cry victim.

If you have equal rights and opportunities as men, but you still prefer to be a victim, and attribute blame to men, society, etc. over a nonexistent problem, you are on your own.

SeverusSnape:
You don't need to wonder, because yours sincerely read it to the end... and it makes a whole lot of sense.

Many women won't admit it, but subconsciously, They want to always be below a man. They are naturally hypergamous

Funnily enough,a man respecting a woman leads to the woman disrespecting the man.It sends a message to the woman that she is better than him which is a quality women generally do not desire in men.

baiaon:
Funnily enough,a man respecting a woman leads to the woman disrespecting the man.It sends a message to the woman that she is better than him which is a quality women generally do not desire in men.

That's one thing i still don't understand about the female folks. I learnt this a long time ago, So I'm very frugal with giving chivalry and being nice to them.

baiaon:
Funnily enough,a man respecting a woman leads to the woman disrespecting the man.It sends a message to the woman that she is better than him which is a quality women generally do not desire in men.

Note that, you do not speak for all women, refer only to the one you've met, not "generally".

This thread has different view point, connotations, interpretations(all in one I guess) to it, only a logical and sane mind will be able to deduce this.

How about I get honest answers to this questions first.

How many male rape victims would you take seriously, or the society takes seriously?

Why is broke shaming a male word only and sounds absurd when it's used on females?

Why didn't our mums complained about the ill treatments and still enjoyed the best of marriage than this generation?

Why's soft and cultured guys not always taken seriously by your female folks?

Do you know been financially independent as a woman solves 50% of gynocentrism, why don't you preach it instead?

Ishilove, would you as a woman take a man who isn't financially beneficial to you seriously in relationship or marriage?

Could you give me honest answers to this question so we could proceed from there

SeverusSnape:
That's one thing i still don't understand about the female folks. I learnt this a long time ago, So I'm very frugal with giving chivalry and being nice to them

As a man do not also be overly friendly/familiar with them.It breeds disrespect and resentment from them towards you. All they really desire is a man who acts as a father figure.Relate with them as you would with children

Biglittlelois:
Note that, you do not speak for all women, refer only to the one you've met, not "generally".

k

Ishilove:
I never give relationship advice on my Facebook page. That's not what this is. Today, I will just talk about Men who Hate Women, and the Women that Love them.

Do you know how to "razzle" babes? I do now. But I wasn't born with that knowledge. I had to learn how.

Growing up as a kid in Nigeria wasn't easy. Our parents mostly tried their best to instill the values handed down to them from their parents, but raising a child in Africa is to a large extent a community effort. Your parents too learnt from their community.

Besides there were some things you had to learn on your own. There was a lot of trial and error. A lot of cuts, bruises, scraped knees, butted heads and broken bones. Physical and mental scars.

The emotional pain was real but never acknowledged. As a teenager getting to know yourself, navigating social interactions and romantic relationships was taboo but essential knowlege.

Nowadays kids have counsellors, psychologists, the internet, xanax, phones and all that to deal with that stuff.

Those days you had your hand and a copy of Lolly magazine.

But you still had to get laid.

The girls too were naive, brainwashed, misinformed, conflicted, indoctrinated, caged, paranoid and Hot. Abused and scarred. Just like the boys.

Hurt people, hurt people. You cannot give what you don't have. The blind cannot lead the blind. Nobody is perfect and you are constrained to work with what you have.

In the state we were in, we were in no condition to love ourselves. But we had to love somebody. Even if we didn't know how.

But how does a monster love a ghost? The worlds leading psychotherapists armed with encephalographs and MRI machines would have a hard time diagnosing what our major malfunction actually was today. In those days, as a teenage boy, as a young man, you had to figure out a young woman.

Some people spend their whole lives trying to figure women out. They never do. Women are not designed to be figured out. But people know stuff. Arcane knowledge exists. Some boys were much better at it than others. We looked up to them. If you were lucky, your older brother would pull you aside. If you were curious enough you would ask or watch a "successful" friend. If you were desperate enough you would pay the street jock money. If you were nice enough your own sister would sit you down.

"You're getting it wrong." "You're overthinking it." "You've watched too many Disney cartoons." "It's really quite simple." "It's only that it's counterintuitive." "Let me teach you." "You're a sharp guy." "You will learn."

And so we learnt.

We learnt how to be a sexist.

We learnt how to be scum.

We learnt how not to value women.

We learnt how to get women drunk and take advantage of them.

We learnt how to emotionally abuse women.

We learnt how to emotionally manipulate women.

We learnt how to give half compliments.

We learnt how to keep a womans Ego in check.

We learnt how to bully women.

We learnt that men are superior to women.

We learnt how to exploit women.

We learnt that women were supposed to clean up after me.

We learnt that it was a womans duty to cook for me.

We learnt that even the finest woman is insecure about her looks.

We learnt that no matter what a woman does or achieves, at the end of the day I am still superior to her.

We learnt that a woman should be careful the way she talks to me.

We learnt that women are not very intelligent.

We learnt that no woman is complete if she is not under a man.

We learnt that unmarried women of a certain age have something wrong with them.

We learnt that most women are cheap.

We learnt that women are vulnerable to flattery.

We learnt that most married women are sex starved.

We learnt that single mothers are desperate and easy picking.

We learnt that once you promise a girl marriage she will do anything you ask.

We learnt that if you don't occasionally beat your girlfriend she will insult you.

We learnt that if a woman thinks she is too good for you, you can guilt her into a relationship by calling her proud.

We learnt that if you want to control a single womans behaviour, threaten her that she will die single.

We learnt that if you want to insult a married woman, tell her that you have a woman like her at home.

We learnt that if you want to shame a woman, call her a prostitute.

We learnt that you can rape and subsequently blackmail a girl into becoming your girlfriend.

We learnt that in a relationship, I can cheat, but my Girlfriend is not allowed to.

We learnt that if a girl visits you, she's asking for it.

We learnt that if a girl dresses provocatively, she is Hot.

We learnt how to intimidate a girl into giving me her phone number.

We learnt that women would do anything for money.

We learnt that you can stalk a girl into becoming your girlfriend.

We learnt how to flash my erect penis.

We learnt that when a woman says No, sometimes she means yes.

We learnt that once you buy a girl anything and she accepts, she owes you sex.

We learnt that women feel inferior without being claimed by a man.

We learnt that women are ungrateful so you have to get your reward instantly before they forget what you've done for them.

We learnt that women don't know what they want.

We learnt that if you help a woman you have to sleep with her or you're a fool.

We learnt that if you have an opportunity to Bleep a woman and you don't, you have lost her respect.

This is what Nigerian women don't understand. We, Nigerian men, actually intentionally, through conscious effort, learnt this behaviour. But that's not the strangest part.

The strangest part, the reason why we find it so hard to unlearn this behaviour, is that most of the time, maybe 7 times out of 10, IT WORKS.

Even this post is highly manipulative. You took up a man posture (person wey no know u go think say u be man). And then you tried to guilt trip men. As if all those things listed up there are bad behaviors. You cleverly interwove good and bad and classed them all in bad category. You are smart tho. But you re a novice in psychology.

Ishilove:
Don't ask me why. My best guess is that it has something to do with the way Nigerian women themselves were raised. Or embedded deep inside the limbic brain where the red neck lizard lies doing pressups while the female lizard arches her back.

The Dog Faced Baboon and his Harem.

It takes a level of maturity (no correlation with age), it takes a level of empathy, it takes a degree self control, it takes self awareness, it takes honor, it takes patience, it takes tolerance, it takes money and a lot of the time it takes a lot of gullibility to treat your average Nigerian woman with respect.

Those who do it are those enlightened enough to enjoy the luxury of a conscience. To the vast majority it is a worthless proposition. A thankless labour. An expense of resources they cannot and need not afford.

I will tell you something that sounds even more twisted. Your average Nigerian woman will lose respect for you if you respect her or other women in her presence. She will quickly label you soft, woman wrapper, weak, gay, "this one wife go dey control am", "na man be this?", or just plain mugu.

The average Nigerian woman longs to be domesticated by her man.

So do not blame the men who became adept at the game you taught us. They are the Masters of the game you both play. If you don't like the game, don't play it. Make your own rules and stick by them. Be the change you desire.

The Truth shall set you Free.

https://m.facebook.com/1245261394/posts/10222562043060210/?from_close_friend=1&notif_id=1588090302088358&notif_t=close_friend_activity&ref=notif

you are absolutely right. If you try to change the narrative, you are called a bitter feminist.


Men will obfuscate, bully and fight you with everything they've got to maintain the privilege patriarchy gifts them.

Part of the blame falls on us women too?

How do we train our sons, to be strong, visionary, ambitious, leaders and men, and also train them to respect women without being exploited by them?

How do we walk this fine line?

May enlightenment and the will to act fall on us all.

funmisticqueen2:
you are absolutely right. If you try to change the narrative, you are called a bitter feminist.


Men will obfuscate, bully and fight you with everything they've got to maintain the privilege patriarchy gifts them.

Part of the blame falls on us women too?

How do we train our sons, to be strong, visionary, ambitious, leaders and men, and also train them to respect women without being exploited by them?

How do we walk this fine line?

May enlightenment and the will to act fall on us all.

Indeed. It's a very fine line to walk

No strength for argument

sassysure:
No strength for argument

You get sense.

I'm just going to read, like and share this through.




Cc

Pansophist
Emmaodet


Here's a piece you will enjoy.

Ariza:
I'm just going to read, like and share this through.




Cc

Pansophist
Emmaodet


Here's a piece you will enjoy.

Another feminist garbage doing what it does best, which is, securing the victim spot for women. Bunch of losers. I can actually feel my brain cells rustling as I read that nonsense. If I begin to deconstruct the nonsensical argument as narrated, it will take pages and a painful amount of time. Though what I would say is this, the doctrine of patriarchy doesn't exist, it is pure nonsense and a despicable way to look at history and how far the human race have come along.

Ariza:
I'm just going to read, like and share this through.




Cc

Pansophist
Emmaodet


Here's a piece you will enjoy.

I don't know the environment the writer grew up from but i know for certain i wasn't raised that way.
Probably, he was raised in maybe Army barrack, Ajegunle, Amuwo-odofin, agboju, okokomaiko, Orile an co
Even though i came from a poor home, i was raised in the traditional Nigerian Godly and a Christian way and home.
To respect women, not to deceive them, support them, their dreams and ambitions etc. I was raised to be a cool, gentle and nice man to women.
Unfortunately, i followed these laid down principles and i got my hands BURNT!!!!!!! Severally.
I think the new era of ladies we have now don't really appreciate those qualities even though they say it regularly that those are the things they want in a man. For some strange reasons, they rush and follow guys like this Writer /Op; bad boys, thugs, yahoo boys, riff raffs etc who shatter and mismanage their lives and use the good guys as rebounds or fall back guys.

funmisticqueen2:
you are absolutely right. If you try to change the narrative, you are called a bitter feminist.


Men will obfuscate, bully and fight you with everything they've got to maintain the privilege patriarchy gifts them.

Can you list some of the privileged ''patriarchy'' conferred on men? I am also extending this question to anyone willing to answer. I am curious to know.

doitforyou:
I disagree with the author‘s view that most Nigerian women have internalized sexism and misogyny. We’re not unaware, we feel it and we hate it, we just don’t have the ‘power’ to fight it yet. Things are changing though, Nigerian women are speaking up and challenging the status quo. Nigeria is on the verge of a cultural revolution.

Lol
Cultural Revolution .
Lol
I think you need to place the new culture you people are really eager to have side by side with the old culture and compare.
Tbh, you will be amazed that what you are really demonizing in the african culture is far better off for women than the white own but you won't agree with me.
The problem i have with most of you is that you all see ONLY the disadvantages of african culture and settings but not the POSITIVE sides.
Likewise, you ONLY see the advantages of the white lifestyle but Blind to the Drawbacks of that culture.
It is true that we humans don't always appreciate what we have until we lose it and You people will lose it - by God's grace.
The african culture is a selfless culture. It teaches to work in groups, family and community. It is a culture that encourages sharing.
That is why then, we go from houses to houses to eat, sleep over, work for them etc but the white culture breeds greediness, covetousness, isolations, working individually, a winner takes it all mentality.
Relationship wise - even though you may term the african setting archaic, it encourages the man to support the woman, protect her, provide for her and if you fail to do so, you are mocked and scorned, protect the community by fighting wars while the woman is at home. Even up till today, we still have the traits in us as men.
Men go abroad but the african mentality still makes them to come homento come pick their african women, to sponsor them to school, to put them on monthly alliwances.
You people don't see these good parts but quick to shout Patriarchy and sexism, crude, backward african men who are boring.
The white culture frowns at sponsoring another person not to talk of a woman, putting on monthly allowance - why can't she work? coming to africa to marry a woman and empower her by going abroad. It is an individualist culture where you will have to do everything by yourself for yourself.
Let me stop here

Martinez39 Martinez39s

@Emmaodet

Making up nonexistent problems, or exaggerating their difficulties, and blaming these "problems"/difficulties on men and patriarchy are the natural talents of feminists. Many are already professionals and veterans in this talent.

Ishilove:
I never give relationship advice on my Facebook page. That's not what this is. Today, I will just talk about Men who Hate Women, and the Women that Love them.

Do you know how to "razzle" babes? I do now. But I wasn't born with that knowledge. I had to learn how.

Growing up as a kid in Nigeria wasn't easy. Our parents mostly tried their best to instill the values handed down to them from their parents, but raising a child in Africa is to a large extent a community effort. Your parents too learnt from their community.

Besides there were some things you had to learn on your own. There was a lot of trial and error. A lot of cuts, bruises, scraped knees, butted heads and broken bones. Physical and mental scars.

The emotional pain was real but never acknowledged. As a teenager getting to know yourself, navigating social interactions and romantic relationships was taboo but essential knowlege.

Nowadays kids have counsellors, psychologists, the internet, xanax, phones and all that to deal with that stuff.

Those days you had your hand and a copy of Lolly magazine.

But you still had to get laid.

The girls too were naive, brainwashed, misinformed, conflicted, indoctrinated, caged, paranoid and Hot. Abused and scarred. Just like the boys.

Hurt people, hurt people. You cannot give what you don't have. The blind cannot lead the blind. Nobody is perfect and you are constrained to work with what you have.

In the state we were in, we were in no condition to love ourselves. But we had to love somebody. Even if we didn't know how.

But how does a monster love a ghost? The worlds leading psychotherapists armed with encephalographs and MRI machines would have a hard time diagnosing what our major malfunction actually was today. In those days, as a teenage boy, as a young man, you had to figure out a young woman.

Some people spend their whole lives trying to figure women out. They never do. Women are not designed to be figured out. But people know stuff. Arcane knowledge exists. Some boys were much better at it than others. We looked up to them. If you were lucky, your older brother would pull you aside. If you were curious enough you would ask or watch a "successful" friend. If you were desperate enough you would pay the street jock money. If you were nice enough your own sister would sit you down.

"You're getting it wrong." "You're overthinking it." "You've watched too many Disney cartoons." "It's really quite simple." "It's only that it's counterintuitive." "Let me teach you." "You're a sharp guy." "You will learn."

And so we learnt.

We learnt how to be a sexist.

We learnt how to be scum.

We learnt how not to value women.

We learnt how to get women drunk and take advantage of them.

We learnt how to emotionally abuse women.

We learnt how to emotionally manipulate women.

We learnt how to give half compliments.

We learnt how to keep a womans Ego in check.

We learnt how to bully women.

We learnt that men are superior to women.

We learnt how to exploit women.

We learnt that women were supposed to clean up after me.

We learnt that it was a womans duty to cook for me.

We learnt that even the finest woman is insecure about her looks.

We learnt that no matter what a woman does or achieves, at the end of the day I am still superior to her.

We learnt that a woman should be careful the way she talks to me.

We learnt that women are not very intelligent.

We learnt that no woman is complete if she is not under a man.

We learnt that unmarried women of a certain age have something wrong with them.

We learnt that most women are cheap.

We learnt that women are vulnerable to flattery.

We learnt that most married women are sex starved.

We learnt that single mothers are desperate and easy picking.

We learnt that once you promise a girl marriage she will do anything you ask.

We learnt that if you don't occasionally beat your girlfriend she will insult you.

We learnt that if a woman thinks she is too good for you, you can guilt her into a relationship by calling her proud.

We learnt that if you want to control a single womans behaviour, threaten her that she will die single.

We learnt that if you want to insult a married woman, tell her that you have a woman like her at home.

We learnt that if you want to shame a woman, call her a prostitute.

We learnt that you can rape and subsequently blackmail a girl into becoming your girlfriend.

We learnt that in a relationship, I can cheat, but my Girlfriend is not allowed to.

We learnt that if a girl visits you, she's asking for it.

We learnt that if a girl dresses provocatively, she is Hot.

We learnt how to intimidate a girl into giving me her phone number.

We learnt that women would do anything for money.

We learnt that you can stalk a girl into becoming your girlfriend.

We learnt how to flash my erect penis.

We learnt that when a woman says No, sometimes she means yes.

We learnt that once you buy a girl anything and she accepts, she owes you sex.

We learnt that women feel inferior without being claimed by a man.

We learnt that women are ungrateful so you have to get your reward instantly before they forget what you've done for them.

We learnt that women don't know what they want.

We learnt that if you help a woman you have to sleep with her or you're a fool.

We learnt that if you have an opportunity to Bleep a woman and you don't, you have lost her respect.

This is what Nigerian women don't understand. We, Nigerian men, actually intentionally, through conscious effort, learnt this behaviour. But that's not the strangest part.

The strangest part, the reason why we find it so hard to unlearn this behaviour, is that most of the time, maybe 7 times out of 10, IT WORKS.

Nice piece, the bolden is called positive reinforcement

Ishilove:
Don't ask me why. My best guess is that it has something to do with the way Nigerian women themselves were raised. Or embedded deep inside the limbic brain where the red neck lizard lies doing pressups while the female lizard arches her back.

The Dog Faced Baboon and his Harem.

It takes a level of maturity (no correlation with age), it takes a level of empathy, it takes a degree self control, it takes self awareness, it takes honor, it takes patience, it takes tolerance, it takes money and a lot of the time it takes a lot of gullibility to treat your average Nigerian woman with respect.

Those who do it are those enlightened enough to enjoy the luxury of a conscience. To the vast majority it is a worthless proposition. A thankless labour. An expense of resources they cannot and need not afford.

I will tell you something that sounds even more twisted. Your average Nigerian woman will lose respect for you if you respect her or other women in her presence. She will quickly label you soft, woman wrapper, weak, gay, "this one wife go dey control am", "na man be this?", or just plain mugu.

The average Nigerian woman longs to be domesticated by her man.

So do not blame the men who became adept at the game you taught us. They are the Masters of the game you both play. If you don't like the game, don't play it. Make your own rules and stick by them. Be the change you desire.

The Truth shall set you Free.

https://m.facebook.com/1245261394/posts/10222562043060210/?from_close_friend=1&notif_id=1588090302088358&notif_t=close_friend_activity&ref=notif

One of the best post I ever read on Nairaland, respect sister!

The boldened is so true!!!

emmaodet:

I don't know the environment the writer grew up from but i know for certain i wasn't raised that way.
Probably, he was raised in maybe Army barrack, Ajegunle, Amuwo-odofin, agboju, okokomaiko, Orile an co
Even though i came from a poor home, i was raised in the traditional Nigerian Godly and a Christian way and home.
To respect women, not to deceive them, support them, their dreams and ambitions etc. I was raised to be a cool, gentle and nice man to women.
Unfortunately, i followed these laid down principles and i got my hands BURNT!!!!!!! Severally.
I think the new era of ladies we have now don't really appreciate those qualities even though they say it regularly that those are the things they want in a man. For some strange reasons, they rush and follow guys like this Writer /Op; bad boys, thugs, yahoo boys, riff raffs etc who shatter and mismanage their lives and use the good guys as rebounds or fall back guys.

That's right Bro. The right values are fast beibf eroded on both sides but worst on the side of the ladies which is breeding these kind of men they want consequently further killing the era of good homely men

BabbanBura:
One of the best post I ever read on Nairaland, respect sister!

The boldened is so true!!!

I'm not gonna argue that

BabbanBura:
That's right Bro. The right values are fast beibf eroded on both sides but worst on the side of the ladies which is breeding these kind of men they want consequently further killing the era of good homely men

Well, all my life, i have learnt to be dynamic as a human. The ability to change and adapt to situations as a human is one of my strong qualities.
If the ladies appreciate bad guys who treat them like trash, i will quickly follow it. If they think only civilized guys can bang on the street naked while people are passing, well i will follow instantly and upgrade/update my relationship app to the latest society requirement.
if it is babymamarism ooo, FWB, bedmates, open relation/marriage, any one, i will adjust instantly. I cant kill myself because of another human, Mbanu.

So now, we men are dog faced baboons - Nobody talks or sweats now but if women are been called derogatory names, Patriarchy and misorgist will be heard far away.

emmaodet:

I don't know the environment the writer grew up from but i know for certain i wasn't raised that way.
Probably, he was raised in maybe Army barrack, Ajegunle, Amuwo-odofin, agboju, okokomaiko, Orile an co
Even though i came from a poor home, i was raised in the traditional Nigerian Godly and a Christian way and home.
To respect women, not to deceive them, support them, their dreams and ambitions etc. I was raised to be a cool, gentle and nice man to women.
Unfortunately, i followed these laid down principles and i got my hands BURNT!!!!!!! Severally.
I think the new era of ladies we have now don't really appreciate those qualities even though they say it regularly that those are the things they want in a man. For some strange reasons, they rush and follow guys like this Writer /Op; bad boys, thugs, yahoo boys, riff raffs etc who shatter and mismanage their lives and use the good guys as rebounds or fall back guys.

Honestly when I read that piece, I was confused and comments didn't help matters either. All those who commented both male and female are right. Upon more meditation I realized the following :
1) Hasty Generalization : It's funny how the poster put everyone in a box and conclude what gender hurt which gender. When the truth is both genders hurt each other.Some Men aren't trained to be dictators, abrasive, abusers or manipulators like the writer poised.Like you said, you weren't brought up that way, same as my brothers.Same way some women aren't trained to be dependent or overly docile.The society isn't as harsh as it is painted because with every passing generation human relations gets more interactive, persuasive and fairer. Yes there's room for improvement but then we should dwell on old narratives like nothing changed.

2) The victim Card: I couldn't help but notice how the writer spent 99.9% of his article to condemn Men,'s actions but spared only four or three line to point out women's errors. And i ask, what/is life 'all' fair to Men? Who spends his life running here and there just to make life better for the opposite sex? Who goes to war to defend the territory? , who gets killed trying to protect another life? Who labours, tilled the ground, get his hands stained only to feed another being with hands and legs too? Who does odd jobs to cater for the family only to be rewarded with stipends in his old age because he lost his children's love to the mother who is always available.? Who the children judge inappropriately and condemns because he wasn't there to show He is a good man contrary to what the mother fed them? The list goes on and on... Men are also victims of society same as women But we downplay what men suffer because 'we' have been made to believe that Men are strong and infallible.Why do women have the right to cry out but Men don't? Why do people listen more when woman speak but Men are expected to die in silence?. Once again the society wasn't /isn't fair to both genders.


3) The choice : The beauty of it all is, we have the chance to choose. In our world today, there are lots of opportunities to choose from. If any woman desire freedom, She can have it. However it will be very foolish and vain of her to expect benefits patriarchy offers.She shouldn't expect to be fend for, fought for, or be looked out for.
If any Man wants freedom, he shouldn't expect benefits patriarchy offers either. He shouldn't expect to be nurtured, cared for or supported. Both Man and Woman would be PARTNERS of equal responsibilities and gains.


In Conclusion, Men and Women should know that they aren't created the same way neither are they created to be competitors but to complement one another. Both genders should learn to bring their strengths and weaknesses together and endeavour to make themselves better.

pansophist:
Another feminist garbage doing what it does best, which is, securing the victim spot for women. Bunch of losers. I can actually feel my brain cells rustling as I read that nonsense. If I begin to deconstruct the nonsensical argument as narrated, it will take pages and a painful amount of time. Though what I would say is this, the doctrine of patriarchy doesn't exist, it is pure nonsense and a despicable way to look at history and how far the human race have come along.

Olopa ewo lepe? @ bolded. You don vex oooo.

Patriarchy does not exist? Lol. that's new. Care to share more on that?

BTW, you see this life ehn.. Is a simple sturv! The issue comes when somebody wants to carry every one's problem for head. . Thats when people start investigating on who benefits more? Who is cheated? etc. Before you know it, it becomes gender thing.

My watch word : Cut a portion of life and live it peacefully. I can't kill myself.

Ariza:
Honestly when I read that piece, I was confused and comments didn't help matters either. All those who commented both male and female are right. Upon more meditation I realized the following :
1) Hasty Generalization : It's funny how the poster put everyone in a box and conclude what gender hurt which gender. When the truth is both genders hurt each other.Some Men aren't trained to be dictators, abrasive, abusers or manipulators like the writer poised.Like you said, you weren't brought up that way, same as my brothers.Same way some women aren't trained to be dependent or overly docile.The society isn't as harsh as it is painted because with every passing generation human relations gets more interactive, persuasive and fairer. Yes there's room for improvement but then we should dwell on old narratives like nothing changed.

2) The victim Card: I couldn't help but notice how the writer spent 99.9% of his article to condemn Men,'s actions but spared only four or three line to point out women's errors. And i ask, what/is life 'all' fair to Men? Who spends his life running here and there just to make life better for the opposite sex? Who goes to war to defend the territory? , who gets killed trying to protect another life? Who labours, tilled the ground, get his hands stained only to feed another being with hands and legs too? Who does odd jobs to cater for the family only to be rewarded with stipends in his old age because he lost his children's love to the mother who is always available.? Who the children judge inappropriately and condemns because he wasn't there to show He is a good man contrary to what the mother fed them? The list goes on and on... Men are also victims of society same as women But we downplay what men suffer because 'we' have been made to believe that Men are strong and infallible.Why do women have the right to cry out but Men don't? Why do people listen more when woman speak but Men are expected to die in silence?. Once again the society wasn't /isn't fair to both genders.


3) The choice : The beauty of it all is, we have the chance to choose. In our world today, there are lots of opportunities to choose from. If any woman desire freedom, She can have it. However it will be very foolish and vain of her to expect benefits patriarchy offers.She shouldn't expect to be fend for, fought for, or be looked out for.
If any Man wants freedom, he shouldn't expect benefits patriarchy offers either. He shouldn't expect to be nurtured, cared for or supported. Both Man and Woman would be PARTNERS of equal responsibilities and gains.


In Conclusion, Men and Women should know that they aren't created the same way neither are they created to be competitors but to complement one another. Both genders should learn to bring their strengths and weaknesses together and endeavour to make themselves better.

Waooooooooooooo
Waoooooooooooooooo
You have said it all Ariza, you have said it all.
I am also amazed with the way women scream patriarchy as if men have it easier or better. Orun ro awa na. Uneasy lies the head that wears the crown.
Let everyone chooses what is good for themselves and not complain because you cant eat your cake and have it.
You cant pick the benefits of traditional african culture you are complaining about and add it to the benefits the white culture brings so that you will be in a win-win position. there is no perfect system anywhere.
For me, i prefer the african setting. - i protect and provide for my wife/family in the best way i can while she cares for me and my kids. If and when i can not carry out these duties fully, she can come in by supporting with working and earning income while i compromise too by supporting and helping her at home. Shikena
E no hard at all.