budaatum:
This is like sailing on a ship with an incompetent captain who refuses to take advise as he leads you all to destruction. Mutiny is of course the solution, but you probably can't divorce him.

You married an ignorant person and you need to educate him, or at least educate your children so they do not become ignorant like their father.

Wake your children up in the morning for Bible or Quran Study (or reflection on the previous day if you are not religion inclined, I add, for those who may not be religious but read this). Don't do it the traditional way however, whereby one person assumes to preach to everyone else, but let everyone say it as they understand what you've all read, then pray and go about your day.

And take the advice of putting some savings aside because he will leave you once he has ruined you and you'd be left with nothing to feed your kids!

Judging a one sided story is evil. Desist from it else you'll become a victim one day...

bukatyne:


I see two issues:

1. You both are earning below the standard of living you have set for yourselves. In what ways is your husband trying to increase his earnings?

2. Do you have a written budget where you can track income with expenditure so you see where you can cut expenses (I know what you have is not enough however, that will reduce the mental stress on you).

3. You have the classic egoistic Nigerian husband. How do you navigate them? By apologizing when issues crop up whether you are wrong or not. Yorubas call that apology 'gba je n simi' or 'sorry, let me rest.'
So issues come up, it is quickly 'sweetheart, sorry, I did not mean it like that.', 'sorry, no vex' etc.

4. His spiritual life: what happened to the man that wanted to be a pastor? Just how you leaned on him for spiritual growth, you might need to return the favour now.

And good that you have to wisdom to avoid his blows since you are still willing to stay.

You're smart and wise... No bias in your judgment. Surprisingly you're a woman

Read all the story and the comments . The only thing I can utter is CHAI . But wait o o.p, so the major reason u married ur husband is RELIGION. Inu kwa? Maka uka?why smart people like Regina marry becos of money. The story and comments they shock me walai. I don't think that ur husband is redemable o. God please, don't let the stories I read here be my reality. Help me to make a good choice . God please, don't allow my emotions to becloud my sense of reasoning when it's time. I partly agree with bukatyne when she said women make choices when choosing partners. It is up to us to make a good choice of husbands and fathers to our kids. It may sound harsh the way she puts it but it is the truth. I mostly notice that poor men have the biggest EGO, why is that? God please , am begging on my knees , remove broke or poor men from me or before me . Why is it that Nigerian women hardly leave abusive marriages? I really want to know( no pun intended) . Some will say it's because of the kids while others will say financial constraint. Are they enough reasons . The o.p clearly suffers high B.p and she is still there, why? ( no insults please I just want answers.) Some of these women even earn more than their men and still decide to stay in this toxic marriage. Again, I ask why? Why do families still give birth to more than they can cater for ? What is the role of modern men if some of them can put food on their families' tables? Sincerely, African women why do you lots in bad marriages still stay ? I really want to know. Is it inherent in the black race to keep managing till u drop dead for the title of 'MRS' ?
Please no one should insult me . I dey abeg oo




Cc pocohantas
Bukatyne
Cococandy
Dominique

grafixdon:


She should start planning her move... If she pack, na you go marry her abi you go give her your brother to marry. No problem without solution Mr advicer

Do you have epilepsy?

bukatyne:


Your friends deserve a pack of kunu

They will definitely throw up, suggest something else...

crackkhaus:

Do you have epilepsy?

Seun. You need to do something about all these teenagers given unreasonable advices on the forum. They lack intellectual ability to do so.

grafixdon:


Seun. You need to do something about all these teenagers given unreasonable advices on the forum. They lack intellectual ability to do so.

Right... so do you have it or not?

crackkhaus:

Right... so do you have it or not?

Abirun... Lmaof

spartan117:



First of all I must state that I don't in anyway support the behavior of your husband, but what I'm interested in is your marital bliss.

Having two strong heads in marriage is a recipe for disaster, from what you wrote it seems your husband has a bruised ego, hence his need to constantly remind you that he is the boss(this is wrong). However the solution to this is not to withdraw or nag him, you need to be the mature one of the two at this point.


If what you really want is for your marriage to blossom then put pride aside and do this:

Firstly you need to get your groove back! Start dressing nice and gain back your beauty. Having a family of six is no excuse, there are people who have gone through worse and still remained beautiful with the little they had. And always wear a smile.

Secondly never argue with him, if he keeps nagging you being unappreciative, just sincerely apologize and remain calm.

When he comes back from work, hug him, kiss him, ask him how was his day. When you wake up in the morning, greet him, call him sweet names like honey,sugar etc.

Always take his side in any argument he has with anyone in public. In private you can respectfully advice him.

When you want to serve him food, go down on your knees and serve him, try to do this not only in private but in front of his friends or visitors nothing else will endear a man to a woman than this.

. ..the list goes on and on, but I trust that you get the gist by now. What I'm simply trying to say in one sentence is Show him love. Love conquers all.

Finally and most importantly, get close to Jesus, he's the only one who can heal a broken home. You need to develop a personal relationship with the holy spirit, if you have this relationship ]every other relationship in your life will be blissful.

I will recommende these two books to you written by Pastor Yonggi Cho and Pastor Benny Hinn. They will help you build a relationship with the holy spirit, and they are available in all Christian bookstores nationwide.
Shalom

...and OP don't forget to clean his bumbum when he poos

As regards you keeping something aside as saving, if there is a thrift society in your work place that can deduct the money from source or cooperative society that you can join so that they deduct it before it gets to you. This way we won't have access to it.

Or you can give your bank a standing order to deduct and keep in a second acct to which you wont have ATM carď.


Please for the sake of the children for it's not good to bring them up in toxic environment. Just apologise to your hubby. See it as childish behaviour.

bukatyne:


Nobody likes it.

Infact, most humans don't like to apologize for what they did talk more of something not done.

Let's look at the OP's situation:

1. She is married to a typical 'Nigerian' husband with ego, entitlement, think they deserve worship, unwilling to invest in the good of the marriage et AL.

2. This particular strain keeps malice whenever there is a misunderstanding (never mind who is wrong) till she apologizes

3. For some reasons, his malice gets to her.

4. She is NOT ready to leave the marriage as at today, nobody knows tomorrow.

5. From points 1 to 4 above, the onus is on her to try and create an atmosphere relatively peaceful because she cannot ignore him.

6. When I say apologize, it is not the heartfelt I realize I am wrong type. It is the sorry, let me rest type.

Just how we do 'Bros nor vex, where is the road to the abbattoir' or 'sorry, are you the last on the queue/ is there any one behind you?'

In the Scenario above, you are not sorry for anything, it is however an ice breaker.

So also her husband starts, it is 'daddy X, abeg no vex, I did not see it that way' or 'I am sorry you felt that way'.

You are not even apologizing for what you did however for the way other person feels.

We must learn to focus on what we can control and move on.

The guy isn't going g to have fun if the wife needs be so careful around him. I don't know if I want to blame it on not too good an upbringing or just a self esteem issue because marriage doesn't mean one should coarse the other party. Whilst I agree as a man he needs to show direction which sometimes might classify him as a Nigerian husband however, on most things one should relax.

Mstick:
Hmmmmmmm this one is tough, a broke man with ego is more dangerous than a rattle snake.

thats the most wicked and dangerous man on earth...a broke man with issues

Am married too, u are 90 percent right, am so sorry for what most ladies go through in marriage. It's all started from home. 96 percent of men are the likes of your husband most of us are not responsible and always jealous of wives that exposed our fake life. May God help us all

MizJaY:
sorry for d long message but this lockdown period might favour reading long msgs. I'm d quiet type so I have never open mouth to insult my husband during any misunderstanding. just arguments and my voice may go up a bit trying to explain or clear myself but he will start saying im raising my voice and talking back at him and start saying all sort of things, honestly sometimes I wished I could unleash d anger deep down and screammm but I always have self control. if u sit with him, he will give u a million reasons why I'm not a good wife and if u don't know me well, u will fall for it because he tells it so well. I will not say everything he says is false, but 80% is. Only those that really know me, will know he is d one dat has problem he's too difficult at times. In an office, there's usually that one person that quarrels with everyone am I right? But I end up being d only person that dat person doesn't quarrel with cos I try as much as possible to avoid quarrels that's just d kind of person i am. Calm n quiet. When I met my husband nysc days, he was very close to God, organizing programs in church and handling them. That was d main reason I got close to him cos i wasnt so spiritual and needed someone to help me grow spiritually thru life. He told me he was called to be a pastor and that excited me but im not seeing that now lol. He's spiritual life is almost zero. And back then, he had nothing, we would spend all my money even to reach he's sick mother in d village i would buy all d foodstuff to send to her, d way he talked he sounded promising that things will get better with him, but today, I still suffer, I have no savings, all my salary is on d house. He works too and earns but he's salary cover rent and d children's school fees finished. I do d rest but he doesn't appreciate d fact that i sacrifice everything I earn to feeding d house we are family of 6. Everything provision, food, children school snack, fuel for car n gen gas filing etc etc it's me. And that's how my whole salary will just go fiam, if I ws getting a little appreciation I for no mind but rather i get insult o. It's my fault that
Money is finished, it's my fault that we have no savings, I don't know how to manage money, I'm hoarding my money etc etc those are d words that come out of his mouth o � I used to be a beautiful woman but no more, I wear one shoe everyday to work, can't buy myself clothes shoes nothing I had to cut my hair to relieve myself from hair money lol. I'm stressed out thinking of where money will come for feeding when my salary gets finished before month end at times I have to beg my sister or my dad a pensioner or hussle one way or d other. I now developed high bp and today I'm living with hypertension taking drugs everyday. It was my parents that gave my husband d job he's doing today. He is not in talking terms with he's dad n siblings. Before he's mother died, things were not too good between them. My husband likes to always form man of d house and want me to apologise whenever there's a misunderstanding saying that I am d one wrong, I'm always wondering how am always d one wrong and he's not � every time, sometimes self I don't know what I did that mks him angry he will just start carrying face. Today makes it a week we are not talking cos he has been carrying face since 7days now, and went to post something on wassap yesterday that a woman that cannot apologise to her husband cannot stay in marriage. My brothers and sisters if I know of anything I did that I have to apologise for yet I refused to apologise that is making him carry face, may God strike me. If u know I did anything wrong why not come to me and tell me u don't like what I did and tell me what i did rather than carry face up n down. He always does that. At times I do ask him and as usual am always d one at fault. Maybe it's cos I'm a quiet person he's taking me for mumu. D national anthem now is that because he does not have money that's why I don't respect him the way I'm supposed to. Im always careful with my word when gisting with him cos make I make mistake say Donald duke is d current governor of rivers state haaa problem don enter and it may spoil d sweet gisting we were having. He go almost insult me and become uninterested in gisting with me again cos i don talk mumu talk. So how can I handle such man cos if no be say I be quiet person, I for don receive serious beating black and blue from this man cos he has done it earlier on in our marriage not serious beating sha but I had some bruises. If not that my parents are still alive and warn him. Tho he still attempt once a blue moon I go jus arrange myself. But I'm kind of tired. I have no money cos trust me, if I had, Maybe i for don dey plan my move sef I no dey enjoy marriage life at all

Permit me to say it the way it is. You didn't choose wrong, and you have all it takes to enjoy your marriage.
Take note of these few points. We are all humans, and we are what we are not matter who we are ( I hope you understand that code).
Love is not enough for marriage
From your submission here, I sensed a little pride( mentioning your parents got him the job yadayada!! Are you God, are your parents God!!!!??) It shows you mock him once in a while with that, in your words, actions , deed or body language. Also let me tell you this, intelligence in a woman is an attractive package. It's obvious he wants you to develop, read more and be well versed in a lot of things then engage him with intelligent conversation. Pls the home belongs to you. Win your man back, get more wisdom from the book of proverbs, meditate, reflect and act on it.
You husband didn't do well, he is a ponmo man, in this present age keeping malice is a turn off. He should man up and say his mind and what he doesn't like. If he is hiding his own money or not making effort to increase his income with side hustle, that is not fair too. I think what you both should centre your gist upon is how you can build side hustle to make more money. Kim Kardashian na woman too.
So be the Kim to your hubby, speak to him, apologies and engage more with intelligent and more talks and act on how you both can make more money. Your are there to assist one another and not to count scores who got job for one another. In marriage one has to be goat, the other sheep to make it work. Two goats cannot marry neither can a union of two sheeps work.
Compliments one another, make money together... Don't reason moving out even If you have the money unless for domestic violence case.
I wish you well. Stay blessed

[quote author=veave post=89104994]Hian.

Wetin I go talk go pain you o. But na the truth I go tell you. Madam, right now I can't tell you to start with 50% so I will say 20%.

Thank God there is covid and I pray your job doesn't get affected. As soon as you resume, the second day you get to work tell him there has been a 40% reduction from your salary due to low inflow of cash. You need to save at least 20% of your salary. This money no Matter if the roof is falling down you're not to touch it. Na your back up money be that. The other 20% is for your upkeep. You and your kids should survive on the remaining 50% because you'd definitely pay tithe. It's because he knows you always have a back up plan that is why he is relaxed and allowing you foot all the bills...

@op This advise will do you a whole lot of good if you can consider it, Sometimes I just wonder where some men fall from, How can you have a wife as dedicated as this and yet, you can't appreciate her....

Pls madam, whilst you go about carrying out the advise, pls ensure to always be more calm when talking to your oga, stop waiting for him to appreciate you, Just do your best and leave the rest, May God Help you.....

.....StayAlive.....

My dear this your story is a pathetic one and I sincerely feel for you. its a pity he got you trapped with the "I'm called to be a pastor" thing and I think I learnt something there. Most men who claim to be "called" or that they are born again, fear them. They can be very dangerous. They can keep malice for Africa, they can be very harsh and some are pretentious. Then you begin to wonder where is born again in them. I'm talking from my experience courting them. Its just a miss you didn't notice all this during courtship.

I'm a Christian by the grace of God but sincerely speaking, if a man is making you go insane in marriage, then its not worth staying. I mean.....he has made you come down with a high BP and still putting pressure on you. That is leading you to your grave if you don't know. So my advice? Give him space ( separate) for sometime and see if he'll come round. otherwise, he'll pressure you to untimely...... God forbid.

Another thing you should understand is, a man who is not financially comfortable
Is always edgy and would want to take out his frustrations on the nearest person. So, you can do well to continue avoiding him like you've been doing. And face yourself and your children. Give yourself peace of mind and keep praying to God for a better job for the both of you. You're in, you're in. Try not to get in his way.

This marriage of a thing, People need to go for counselling more often.

The lord is your strength.

He works too and earns but he's salary cover rent and d children's school fees finished. I do d rest but he doesn't appreciate d fact that i sacrifice everything I earn to feeding d house we are family of 6. Everything provision, food, children school snack, fuel for car n gen gas filing etc etc it's me. And that's how my whole salary will just go fiam, if I ws getting a little appreciation I for no mind but rather i get insult o. It's my fault that
Money is finished, it's my fault that we have no savings, I don't know how to manage money, I'm hoarding my money etc

Okay so he’s not entirely useless. Rent and education is a notable contribution (not saying that’s enough) but it’s start. Why does he think you have more money than you actually do? If you guys are more transparent with each other in regards to your earnings, you won’t be expecting more from each other than you can realistically contribute. Some people have mentioned a budget. Very reasonable.

I’d like to suggest having a collective pot as well. But that requires trust. It’s an amazing way of dealing with family finances. If you’re bringing 70% of your income and he’s bringing the same , add it together in one account and know that’s all you both have to spend. Even if your 70% is bigger than his 70%, I consider that equitable. (Other contributions to the home will have to be modified of course but I digress).

Then use the said budget from above and tailor according to what’s in your collective pot. That way neither of you will be looking at the other to bring more money from somewhere when said money simply doesn’t exist. But for it to work, you both have to know exactly how much each other earns so as not to expect more than they can bring.

If you’re not able to do this, then money isn’t the first solution to your problem. It might actually be at the bottom of the list of things you guys could work on if you plan to stay with him. The thing with internet advice is that the person causing the issues is not the one coming for advice. He or she won’t be here to read, learn and amend their behaviors. so the problem remains.

grafixdon:


Judging a one sided story is evil. Desist from it else you'll become a victim one day...

Know that I always reap what I sow. I carefully select my seeds and prepare the soil to the best of my ability prior to sowing them at the appropriate season. You Imagine what I reap.

If she lies about her situation it is she that will be the victim so we show faith that she is being honest instead of assuming she is doing herself.

We are not judging. She asked for advice and we gave it.

With all the poverty wey dey u got pregnant 4 times. You and that man are fools and deserve to suffer

djon78:


Sure you are right, it swings both ways. That's why people should look well before they leap.
Know your personality and the kind of things you can tolerate. Be very watchful and you will avoid them.

Marriage is more than tingly butterflies feeling in the stomach. It's serious business.

I once had a conversation with someone who was shocked when I said love is a choice/decision not the feelings you feel.

COdeGenesis:


Sex is the only thing you xan give. There is more to a relationship than just sex aunty. There is no marriage without issue. You got to understand your partner and come to a compromise to sail the boat together.

It's not about the only thing one can give. I guess you didn't read my previous post that said some couples keep having babies that would make them neglect taking care of themselves. People are broke, and they will keep popping babies probably because they have all the time to sex when they are supposed to be out there making money or in there brain storming.

seeing this post frightens me more. my relationship of 5 months is giving me headache. he said he can't give me money except I ask. I've tried to explain to him that I'm not good in asking and I don't ask because he said his ex gf used to be too demanding. now I don't know if I ask small he may think I'm pretending if I ask big he may think I'm too demanding. He will ask me to visit and when I want to leave he'll wait till we are almost at the junction before he will ask if I have T.p. anytime we have an argument he will threatened our relationship...
I don tire... cos I don't know if I should continue or quit.. relationship wahala

ImaIma1:


...and OP don't forget to clean his bumbum when he poos

Lol.
Only virtuous women will understand.

Your husband is cold blooded narcissist, manipulator, pretender, egoistic, troublesome and immatured man.

I once knew someone with his kind of attitude and believe me no matter how calm,quiet and peaceful you try to be,it fuels his attitude more and will keep frustrating you till you break and loose your self worth,then you fall into depression and then you start looking for a way of escape but what keeps holding you back is how to start a fresh with 4 kids to take care of and no funds. It's not going to be easy at all especially with four kids except you are financially loaded.

You are the only one that can put a stop to all these. U may need to take a break and change environment so you can recover your sanity.

It is well with you.

There are still good,responsible,loving, caring and God fearing men out there . It only takes God's grace and Devine favor to end up with them. Most of them are also in the hands of a crazy, cold hearted woman who don't know the value of what they have and take them for granted.

May God help us all.

MizJaY:
sorry for d long message but this lockdown period might favour reading long msgs. I'm d quiet type so I have never open mouth to insult my husband during any misunderstanding. just arguments and my voice may go up a bit trying to explain or clear myself but he will start saying im raising my voice and talking back at him and start saying all sort of things, honestly sometimes I wished I could unleash d anger deep down and screammm but I always have self control. if u sit with him, he will give u a million reasons why I'm not a good wife and if u don't know me well, u will fall for it because he tells it so well. I will not say everything he says is false, but 80% is. Only those that really know me, will know he is d one dat has problem he's too difficult at times. In an office, there's usually that one person that quarrels with everyone am I right? But I end up being d only person that dat person doesn't quarrel with cos I try as much as possible to avoid quarrels that's just d kind of person i am. Calm n quiet. When I met my husband nysc days, he was very close to God, organizing programs in church and handling them. That was d main reason I got close to him cos i wasnt so spiritual and needed someone to help me grow spiritually thru life. He told me he was called to be a pastor and that excited me but im not seeing that now lol. He's spiritual life is almost zero. And back then, he had nothing, we would spend all my money even to reach he's sick mother in d village i would buy all d foodstuff to send to her, d way he talked he sounded promising that things will get better with him, but today, I still suffer, I have no savings, all my salary is on d house. He works too and earns but he's salary cover rent and d children's school fees finished. I do d rest but he doesn't appreciate d fact that i sacrifice everything I earn to feeding d house we are family of 6. Everything provision, food, children school snack, fuel for car n gen gas filing etc etc it's me. And that's how my whole salary will just go fiam, if I ws getting a little appreciation I for no mind but rather i get insult o. It's my fault that
Money is finished, it's my fault that we have no savings, I don't know how to manage money, I'm hoarding my money etc etc those are d words that come out of his mouth o � I used to be a beautiful woman but no more, I wear one shoe everyday to work, can't buy myself clothes shoes nothing I had to cut my hair to relieve myself from hair money lol. I'm stressed out thinking of where money will come for feeding when my salary gets finished before month end at times I have to beg my sister or my dad a pensioner or hussle one way or d other. I now developed high bp and today I'm living with hypertension taking drugs everyday. It was my parents that gave my husband d job he's doing today. He is not in talking terms with he's dad n siblings. Before he's mother died, things were not too good between them. My husband likes to always form man of d house and want me to apologise whenever there's a misunderstanding saying that I am d one wrong, I'm always wondering how am always d one wrong and he's not � every time, sometimes self I don't know what I did that mks him angry he will just start carrying face. Today makes it a week we are not talking cos he has been carrying face since 7days now, and went to post something on wassap yesterday that a woman that cannot apologise to her husband cannot stay in marriage. My brothers and sisters if I know of anything I did that I have to apologise for yet I refused to apologise that is making him carry face, may God strike me. If u know I did anything wrong why not come to me and tell me u don't like what I did and tell me what i did rather than carry face up n down. He always does that. At times I do ask him and as usual am always d one at fault. Maybe it's cos I'm a quiet person he's taking me for mumu. D national anthem now is that because he does not have money that's why I don't respect him the way I'm supposed to. Im always careful with my word when gisting with him cos make I make mistake say Donald duke is d current governor of rivers state haaa problem don enter and it may spoil d sweet gisting we were having. He go almost insult me and become uninterested in gisting with me again cos i don talk mumu talk. So how can I handle such man cos if no be say I be quiet person, I for don receive serious beating black and blue from this man cos he has done it earlier on in our marriage not serious beating sha but I had some bruises. If not that my parents are still alive and warn him. Tho he still attempt once a blue moon I go jus arrange myself. But I'm kind of tired. I have no money cos trust me, if I had, Maybe i for don dey plan my move sef I no dey enjoy marriage life at all

The Best cure I know to HBP is Onion

YemyTemmy:


Permit me to say it the way it is. You didn't choose wrong, and you have all it takes to enjoy your marriage.
Take note of these few points. We are all humans, and we are what we are not matter who we are ( I hope you understand that code).
Love is not enough for marriage
From your submission here, I sensed a little pride( mentioning your parents got him the job yadayada!! Are you God, are your parents God!!!!??) It shows you mock him once in a while with that, in your words, actions , deed or body language. Also let me tell you this, intelligence in a woman is an attractive package. It's obvious he wants you to develop, read more and be well versed in a lot of things then engage him with intelligent conversation. Pls the home belongs to you. Win your man back, get more wisdom from the book of proverbs, meditate, reflect and act on it.
You husband didn't do well, he is a ponmo man, in this present age keeping malice is a turn off. He should man up and say his mind and what he doesn't like. If he is hiding his own money or not making effort to increase his income with side hustle, that is not fair too. I think what you both should centre your gist upon is how you can build side hustle to make more money. Kim Kardashian na woman too.
So be the Kim to your hubby, speak to him, apologies and engage more with intelligent and more talks and act on how you both can make more money. Your are there to assist one another and not to count scores who got job for one another. In marriage one has to be goat, the other sheep to make it work. Two goats cannot marry neither can a union of two sheeps work.
Compliments one another, make money together... Don't reason moving out even If you have the money unless for domestic violence case.
I wish you well. Stay blessed

Some men wunt blink even if you apply all these to satisfy him,he will still get worse. I know someone like the OP hubby and trust me it got worse. People like the OP husband are cold hearted and very cruel. Not even their wife's dead body moves them. They are not worth the stress.

farady:
OP, I took time to flip through some of your previous posts and I can deduce that:
(1) You have not been so lucky with relationships
(2) You seem to be married for at most 7 or 8 years

Now from your post above, you said you are a family of 6, meaning you have 4 kids.

Based on the above, it is safe to say you settled for the lowest hanging fruit for a husband and the foundation of your marriage was faulty from the start. I say this to disabuse your mind and the minds of so many young folks that Nigerian men are generally like the way you described your husband. Now we only heard from you. I'm sure if your husband give his side of the story, we would see a different picture. That is normal.

Next is that both of you did not (1) quite know yourselves, (2) didn't go through a marriage counseling class, (3) did not discuss in details things like the standard of living, number of kids you both intend to have and how to run the finances of the home etc. The lack of this gave rise to you having 4 kids within 8 years of marriage with inadequate finances to cater for and run the home. This can easily lead to high BP for you, in a bid to try your best to keep things afloat.

Your type may not be the talking type but wen una open mouth, una fit reduce a man to chaff , and of course that is the last thing a man would expect from his wife. This is taking sides with your husband oh! Just being objective here.

Way forward?

Option 1. You both need to sit down and discuss budget to run the home and family planning. You also need to save part of your income and take care of yourself (At least try and look good without being expensive, since he is giving you any money for upkeep). I would not subscribe to you hiding anything from him. If what you are saving is 10% and another 20% for yourself, tell him what is available henceforth is 60% (after you pay your tithe).

He might get upset and would want to hit back at you or blow his top.

Option 2 : If this is the case, please call the attention of your parents. I say this, since they have once intervened

Be prayerful and ask God to intervene in the affairs of your home. Ask Him to correct every faulty foundation of your home.

Cheers and wish you the very best.

Some men are beyond damaged and beyond control , no respected of anyone even their parents and elders ,people even avoid him because of being a trouble maker and once you don't support him you bcome an enemy.

princessConfy:
seeing this post frightens me more. my relationship of 5 months is giving me headache. he said he can't give me money except I ask. I've tried to explain to him that I'm not good in asking and I don't ask because he said his ex gf used to be too demanding. now I don't know if I ask small he may think I'm pretending if I ask big he may think I'm too demanding. He will ask me to visit and when I want to leave he'll wait till we are almost at the junction before he will ask if I have T.p. anytime we have an argument he will threatened our relationship...
I don tire... cos I don't know if I should continue or quit.. relationship wahala

Your problem is either you're not working to earn your own income, OR the little money you might be making is little & you don't want to manage it...so in your mind, a boyfriend of 5months asking you if you have transport money is giving you headache.

Break up with him please and stay single for at least one year... it will help you train yourself by learning how to plan your life and work with whatever you have without any boyfriend.

crackkhaus:

Your problem is either you're not working to earn your own income, OR the little money you might be making is little & you don't want to manage it...so in your mind, a boyfriend of 5months asking you if you have transport money is giving you headache.

Break with him please and stay single for at least one year...at least, it will help you train yourself by learning how to plan your life and work with whatever you have without any boyfriend.

I'm working and I do support him. I'm not asking for money for myself. money to buy stuffs for his kitchen. I don't live with him, i dont make money except my salary and it is small. due to this lockdown my expense at home increased. He knows all this. I have never asked him money for myself. He wants me to visit from Monday to Sunday and I work from Monday to Saturday. the least I expect is T.p. cos he invited. I've not gone there on my own without his IV.

princessConfy:

I'm working and I do support him. I'm not asking for money for myself. money to buy stuffs for his kitchen. I don't live with him, i dont make money except my salary and it is small. due to this lockdown my expense at home increased. He knows all this. I have never asked him money for myself. He wants me to visit from Monday to Sunday and I work from Monday to Saturday. the least I expect is T.p. cos he invited. I've not gone there on my own without his IV.

- You don't visit him on your own without his invitation
- He wants you to visit everyday of the week, probably to do nothing else but have sex.
- The money you need is to buy stuff for his own kitchen.

See, break up with this guy and dey your dey.

You will marry him once he shows you ring, then come on Nairaland after 5years to tell people how he changed after marriage.

Young girls use your youth wisely. It’s easier to get a provider when you’re young, I know what I’m saying. I know what I told my elder sister then when she was dating a stingy broke ass, at 22, that couldn’t even drop one kobo when my mother was extremely sick in the hospital. I thank God for my sisters life, she’s with a stable man now years later. When I met my husband, I made it very clear to him that I’m not the managing type. I like money and I’m not afraid to hide it all in the disguise of forming miss humble wife. Never. If my husband likes, he should misbehave, keep malice, I don’t care at all. I have peace of mind knowing that there’s money in my back account, I have assets and my child is taken care of and set for life. That’s all I’m going to say.

Scary things I'm reading here . These further solidify my decision of not getting married, not to our Nigerian men