₦airaland Forum

I will like to sponsor your remaining education but the naija life has made me not to trust people i see real life talk more of strangers online

Work hard brother you will weather the storm

Try all the connections that have to secure a good job. Take care of your mother

BluntTheApostle:
First of all, have you ever sat your father down and asked for his own side of the story?

I take it that you are a man. Why not have a man to man chat with your father.

Men have pains too. What was the past like between your father and your mother before they got married and started having children?

Was your mother the unbearable one at that time? Did she subject your father to untold misery?

Let me give you an instance. There was a man who lost his job. He and his wife were just starting their lives. In fact, they had not been married for long. The house became a hell to the man. To make matters worse, there was a time the wife directed the man to not visit his ailing mother in the village. She was the one paying the rent, and would pay the transport fare. The husband's mother died. He was her only son. Now, no matter what, whether you are a man or a woman, the most powerful person in a relationship is the one with the financial power. Some men may take this for granted and treat their woman well. But it would be hard to get a woman with the financial power who is nice to her husband.

Anyway, things have changed for the man in my story. He and his wife are living fine now, only after counseling. Because the man paid her back in her coins until she almost lost her life.

So, sit your dad down and ask why. He might be acting based on accumulated grievances against your mother. You children may not know this because you are blinded by that natural bond between mother and child.

But remember that your father is a human being too. And except he is a bastard, he can't be acting without reasons.

Moreover, your mother may not be painting the true picture to you people.

You, as a man, can't afford to jump into conclusion. You will marry too one day. If you jump into conclusion and take your mother away without trying to get to the root of the problem, you may come to learn the hard way should it ever happen to you too.

Another useless comment, enabling abuse and irresponsible behaviour

Lekan239:
My parents got married 27years ago, since then it has been hell for my mom. It's as if my mom was forced on him or did the love just seize to exit, this I need advice on, from my brothers and sisters here on what to do next.

It all began in 1993, two years later I was born (1995), then we reside in Lagos but my dad later moved to pH in search of greener pastures. He only comes back home (Lagos) once in a while. My mom tried all her best to cater for her kids during all those period with no help or whatsoever coming from my Dad. It wasn't easy at all.

Fast forward to early 2003, my dad came visiting after two years without hearing from him and then my mom decided we are going with him to pH, he opposed but my mom Insisted. To cut the long story short, after we get to pH we found out my dad was living carelessly, womanizing, his social life is zero because he doesn't drink or smoke but he lavished all his money outside and Care less about his family.

My mom strived and engaged in little business which we managed to survive on. My dad only comes home when he is Short of money and acted low and submissive but as soon as he got some money, he changed immediately.

So 2010 I left pH to the village, was writing waec, looking for admission and so on, later going to lag to hustle around 2013 as I'm the one to foot my education expenses.

2015 I gained admission in a polytechnic, after my OND in 2017 I went back to lag to begin the hustle as I have to further my education, all this period I did not visit my family in Port Harcourt. I went back for HND in 2018 but had to withdraw because of lack of funds, I went back again in 2019 because a family member advised he will foot the bills which he later didn't do.

So because of this covid 19 I visited my parents in pH. My mom was very ill, she can't move nor stand and she has been the one taking care of the family, my father inclusive. My father has been a lazy man who depends solely on his wife for survival. He does not work, he does not stay at home with his sick wife. 6am he will enter the kitchen and eat any food he finds he won't even ask if four of his kids and my mom will eat. He will go and sit down in people's shops around the streets discussing with people's wife's. 10am he will be back home, straight to the kitchen to check if there's any food if my mom had drop money for us to prepare food, he will eat it without even talking to anybody, in fact he owns the kitchen now. He repeats same 2pm, 5pm and night meal also. I'm just so angry right now I don't even know what I am typing again.

After seeing all this behavior i advised my mother to give him some space, she gave birth to four children for him and three of us can survive on our own as we are no longer kids, but she won't obliged it's just as if maybe she is okay with suffering.

Today this morning, my dad did the most outrageous thing, he woke up and started ranting, saying does my mom think he is not going to be rich later, and he won't stay here forever. I got the message he was passing that he is going to leave my Mom if he stumbles upon some money. And I exactly told my mom this statement yesternight too.

Please you guys should advise me on what to do because at this junction, it hurts me a lot having the knowledge that my mom is with man who doesnt care or love her, even at her sick bed, he never for once visited the doctor nor the man of God taking care of my Mom.

u need to be courageous to take some step at this point, the earlier the better. Mind u, remember to put God first

See bro you are a man and the first child,seeing how your father is he is not going to change either you bear with him or you just focus your energy on your mom and siblings,the most important thing for you now is to focus on your hustle,money stops nonsense,if you can get some money give it to your mom to take care of her self,also try to talk to your mom thing is many Nigeria women are already used to life like that in marriage they won't leave their husband so I think is better for you to focus on how to make her life better,maybe start with getting her a private savings account,tell her to stop tolerating your dad's bullshit

And lastly you are now a man try and talk sense into your dad,my dad was very abusive to my mom sent me off to boarding school when I came back fully when i was 18 it became so bad that me and my dad will have to fight,if not for me my dad will still be treating my mom like shit,that woman is your mother and she deserves the best

Lekan239:
My parents got married 27years ago, since then it has been hell for my mom. It's as if my mom was forced on him or did the love just seize to exit, this I need advice on, from my brothers and sisters here on what to do next.

It all began in 1993, two years later I was born (1995), then we reside in Lagos but my dad later moved to pH in search of greener pastures. He only comes back home (Lagos) once in a while. My mom tried all her best to cater for her kids during all those period with no help or whatsoever coming from my Dad. It wasn't easy at all.

Fast forward to early 2003, my dad came visiting after two years without hearing from him and then my mom decided we are going with him to pH, he opposed but my mom Insisted. To cut the long story short, after we get to pH we found out my dad was living carelessly, womanizing, his social life is zero because he doesn't drink or smoke but he lavished all his money outside and Care less about his family.

My mom strived and engaged in little business which we managed to survive on. My dad only comes home when he is Short of money and acted low and submissive but as soon as he got some money, he changed immediately.

So 2010 I left pH to the village, was writing waec, looking for admission and so on, later going to lag to hustle around 2013 as I'm the one to foot my education expenses.

2015 I gained admission in a polytechnic, after my OND in 2017 I went back to lag to begin the hustle as I have to further my education, all this period I did not visit my family in Port Harcourt. I went back for HND in 2018 but had to withdraw because of lack of funds, I went back again in 2019 because a family member advised he will foot the bills which he later didn't do.

So because of this covid 19 I visited my parents in pH. My mom was very ill, she can't move nor stand and she has been the one taking care of the family, my father inclusive. My father has been a lazy man who depends solely on his wife for survival. He does not work, he does not stay at home with his sick wife. 6am he will enter the kitchen and eat any food he finds he won't even ask if four of his kids and my mom will eat. He will go and sit down in people's shops around the streets discussing with people's wife's. 10am he will be back home, straight to the kitchen to check if there's any food if my mom had drop money for us to prepare food, he will eat it without even talking to anybody, in fact he owns the kitchen now. He repeats same 2pm, 5pm and night meal also. I'm just so angry right now I don't even know what I am typing again.

After seeing all this behavior i advised my mother to give him some space, she gave birth to four children for him and three of us can survive on our own as we are no longer kids, but she won't obliged it's just as if maybe she is okay with suffering.

Today this morning, my dad did the most outrageous thing, he woke up and started ranting, saying does my mom think he is not going to be rich later, and he won't stay here forever. I got the message he was passing that he is going to leave my Mom if he stumbles upon some money. And I exactly told my mom this statement yesternight too.

Please you guys should advise me on what to do because at this junction, it hurts me a lot having the knowledge that my mom is with man who doesnt care or love her, even at her sick bed, he never for once visited the doctor nor the man of God taking care of my Mom.

My guy move ur mum out from that place b4 that ungreatfull man will kill her ....even if it means taking her to the village ,let her stay there for now , I knw what I'm saying and I can relate with the situation right now.
Goodluck to you bro, and take it eazy with urself!

Digmygold:
Ubunja the wrinkle. One of your 500 monikers .

Jobless and broke agonised redpiller.

... Hahahaha. Your comments just dey make me laugh here since.

"Lazy" is not an insult. It is a description of the true nature of his father.

taiwopapaya:
guy never in your life insurt your father as a lazy man, even thou he does not take care of you. as your mother case, your mother is a good woman who remembering the past how she and her husband first started before he change. you children need to submitted to your father and advice your dad with good hope. i am sure your dad will change all is negative thought.

If you guys love your mom and you want her to live to see your days of joy, design how you are going to be raising money for her upkeep.
Stop thinking she would come back to cater for you once again. The woman has been traumatised. While she is still living, try to live expectedly so that her morale can lengthen her life.

Popebliss:
Pathetic as your mother's case may sound, l'll tell you straight up, you aren't alone in this fight. But it's late now trying to drive some sense into your dad's head, as the undesirable attitude he has, can't be unlearned again after many years of being overlooked by your mom[b] (Most of our mothers failed to force our fathers to be responsible early enough, something most of the new breed wives don't joke with, hence ,they're reaping good results)[/b] . Your mom's life is precious, so do all you can with your siblings to take good care of your mother, if possible ,take her somewhere your father won't be able to reach her let alone compound her woes. Good luck!

Hahahahahahahaha?!

The bold is very funny.

Shakaranews2020:
Go fvck yourself.

Na u go Bleep ur self miss body

Shakaranews2020:
Go fvck yourself.

Na u go Bleep ur self miss body

Lekan239:
uncles from my dad's don't Care I.e even if they are okay themselves. Father's mother is in the village sufferin. The only family who is a little bit okay, promise me and abandoned. My mom's family are always ready to help her out, but she won't ask for help, in fact they don't even know what she passing through

Oga your mum's siblings know what she is passing through. Ask your mum to tell you what actually happened. They have simply left her to her fate. And I pray she doesnt die in her 'FOOLISHNESS' (So sorry for using such word. But thats exactly the right word for her action). I have had elderly friends that acted like your mum. One was a delta lady that was my hairdresser while I was growing up. I was very close to her.. She worked out her life . bought land,built ,trained their 4 kids (3 boys and 1 girl). But she never enjoyed the fruits of her labor. I came home recentlly and really wanted to go see her just for some old time gist after more than 20years. Only for my mum to tell me she had died due to health complications caused by accumulated stress and her LAZY husband cruising around in different cars and looking so young and fresh courtesy of the children he didnt train..


MY DEAR HAVE NO PLACE IN YOUR HEART FOR YOUR DAD.. JUST MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE AND ASSUME HE NEVER EXISTED.

.RUBBISH.. Naaso mama maigwe just died like that..

Lekan239:
My parents got married 27years ago, since then it has been hell for my mom. It's as if my mom was forced on him or did the love just seize to exit, this I need advice on, from my brothers and sisters here on what to do next.

It all began in 1993, two years later I was born (1995), then we reside in Lagos but my dad later moved to pH in search of greener pastures. He only comes back home (Lagos) once in a while. My mom tried all her best to cater for her kids during all those period with no help or whatsoever coming from my Dad. It wasn't easy at all.

Fast forward to early 2003, my dad came visiting after two years without hearing from him and then my mom decided we are going with him to pH, he opposed but my mom Insisted. To cut the long story short, after we get to pH we found out my dad was living carelessly, womanizing, his social life is zero because he doesn't drink or smoke but he lavished all his money outside and Care less about his family.

My mom strived and engaged in little business which we managed to survive on. My dad only comes home when he is Short of money and acted low and submissive but as soon as he got some money, he changed immediately.

So 2010 I left pH to the village, was writing waec, looking for admission and so on, later going to lag to hustle around 2013 as I'm the one to foot my education expenses.

2015 I gained admission in a polytechnic, after my OND in 2017 I went back to lag to begin the hustle as I have to further my education, all this period I did not visit my family in Port Harcourt. I went back for HND in 2018 but had to withdraw because of lack of funds, I went back again in 2019 because a family member advised he will foot the bills which he later didn't do.

So because of this covid 19 I visited my parents in pH. My mom was very ill, she can't move nor stand and she has been the one taking care of the family, my father inclusive. My father has been a lazy man who depends solely on his wife for survival. He does not work, he does not stay at home with his sick wife. 6am he will enter the kitchen and eat any food he finds he won't even ask if four of his kids and my mom will eat. He will go and sit down in people's shops around the streets discussing with people's wife's. 10am he will be back home, straight to the kitchen to check if there's any food if my mom had drop money for us to prepare food, he will eat it without even talking to anybody, in fact he owns the kitchen now. He repeats same 2pm, 5pm and night meal also. I'm just so angry right now I don't even know what I am typing again.

After seeing all this behavior i advised my mother to give him some space, she gave birth to four children for him and three of us can survive on our own as we are no longer kids, but she won't obliged it's just as if maybe she is okay with suffering.

Today this morning, my dad did the most outrageous thing, he woke up and started ranting, saying does my mom think he is not going to be rich later, and he won't stay here forever. I got the message he was passing that he is going to leave my Mom if he stumbles upon some money. And I exactly told my mom this statement yesternight too.

Please you guys should advise me on what to do because at this junction, it hurts me a lot having the knowledge that my mom is with man who doesnt care or love her, even at her sick bed, he never for once visited the doctor nor the man of God taking care of my Mom.

reading your story hurts me a lot, you mean you going through all these when a man Called your father is still a live? Hustling to send yourself to school, when I started hustling for my education began when I lost my dad . I couldn't bear to see my father alive while am suffering for education which the responsibility of a very father at this generation. Well, organise yourself and take your mom to somewhere else he won't find out. I must say you don't have a father

Zoie:
Another useless comment, enabling abuse and irresponsible behaviour

... I don't think he is enabling abuse or encouraging domestic abuse/violence. He is only being objective here and not emotional.

I really empathize with you my brother.

slashthroat:
I will like to sponsor your remaining education but the naija life has made me not to trust people i see real life talk more of strangers online

Work hard brother you will weather the storm

Instead of you to ignore, you just had to show yourself. Now you didn't help him, how has it benefitted you?

JONNYSPUTE:
... Hahahaha. Your comments just dey make me laugh here since.

Hahahahaha. Me too.

slashthroat:
I will like to sponsor your remaining education but the naija life has made me not to trust people i see real life talk more of strangers online

Work hard brother you will weather the storm

Mr.man if u wan help him kindly do that,not all the people are thesame even though their are some bad eggs among pples,but just do it with kindhearted god will surely reward u in an unexpected ways beyond ur imaginations.

JONNYSPUTE:
... I don't think he is enabling abuse or encouraging domestic abuse/violence. He is only being objective here and not emotional.

Even you have comprehension problems.
How's a man who abandoned his family initially, squander his money on frivolity and continues to abandon his family a victim? Did you even read what he wrote? It's not everytime you try to have a different mindset. Use your eyes, they're not for fancy.

busar:
Have you spoken with your dad? Call him perhaps in the middle of the night. Have a father to son conversation in a respectful manner. And let's see the outcome..

Story..

@op have you n siblings confront your Dad about his behaviour?
Take care of your mum, move her by force to her place or relatives,just arrange am with your siblings, wash all her clothes,buy bag arrange them,bring taxi or a friends car,carry mama move

could it be that they share the same health status and she doesn't see the point in leaving him as the worst has already happened?...if you get where I am headed. if she says she doesn't want to leave,let her be,just try to make it so you can be sending her upkeep money frequently.all the best to you in your education. also,look at other options outside the country,with your field, you never know the opportunity that awaits you...

Zoie:
Even you have comprehension problems.
How's a man who abandoned his family initially, squander his money on frivolity and continues to abandon his family a victim? Did you even read what he wrote? It's not everytime you try to have a different mindset. Use your eyes, they're not for fancy.

...Ok.

Nekky5:
That kind of man would still pack down to the village if he hears they are there. It's such an unfortunate situation.

True talk. They are still respecting the man that isn't ready to be respected.. RESPECT IS EARNED AND NOT GIVEN.. Give it to him HOT HOT. Cut every ties with him right in his face and then abandon him. Fear no go let am find una come..I no go add shame cos the man no get shame at all..

Popebliss:
Pathetic as your mother's case may sound, l'll tell you straight up, you aren't alone in this fight. But it's late now trying to drive some sense into your dad's head, as the undesirable attitude he has, can't be unlearned again after many years of being overlooked by your mom(Most of our mothers failed to force our fathers to be responsible early enough, something most of the new breed wives don't joke with, hence ,they're reaping good results). Your mom's life is precious, so do all you can with your siblings to take good care of your mother, if possible ,take her somewhere your father won't be able to reach her let alone compound her woes. Good luck!

Your mum's life is precious? Your father's life is not precious?
Who made you judge over the guy's family?

A man shall leave his father and mother and cling to his wife and the two shall become one..

Bible does not say, a man should carry his mother and run...

As he has hand to buy phone and rant online, let him pack his load and leave his parents house.
They are their own couple.he. He and his siblings should go and marry their own and take care of their wives and stop putting hand in another person's marriage
I will not be the one to tell him to destroy his own family. No matter what his dad is doing, that is his mum's business to judge. And not his business.

jimharry21:
As far as I sympathize with your mum and you kids, I will honestly advice you not to hate or condemn your Father yet, it's only God Who knows the genesis of their problem visa-vis his anger. Your Father may actually be the victim here but decided to bear it on his own. If you eventually make it, take care of your mother as much as you take care of your Father.

REALLY? Victim indeed

Zoie:
Instead of you to ignore, you just had to show yourself. Now you didn't help him, how has it benefitted you?

You be confirm nairaland ho whey all these nairaland boys done chook troway.

I am not interested in dogs

Lekan239:
thanks very much. I'm doing everything in my power and waiting patiently for this lockdown of a thing to be over. My days in school are numbered that I surely know off all I'm just thinking about is getting a petty job which I could engage in after I withdraw. As for my dad, I will follow your advice

Sorry but your dad will never change. Focus on your mom's health and well-being but do not advice her to leave the marriage. Try to secure a life for her as you're the husband that she doesn't have. It's not as bad as it seems though. All your mom needs is to be okay.

Zoie:
Even you have comprehension problems.
How's a man who abandoned his family initially, squander his money on frivolity and continues to abandon his family a victim? Did you even read what he wrote? It's not everytime you try to have a different mindset. Use your eyes, they're not for fancy.

As you get eyes to use see dick suck you for give am nah

Evercurious:
REALLY? Victim indeed

Are you in their house? Who made you judge?
You only heard one child's story
Do you even know the one the child does?.
What concerns you with trying to separate their family now?
Go and marry your own and let the complaining kid go and marry his own.
Leave the mum and dad to take care of each other