Exmilitant:
I went to NECO Office at creek town to get my result, while waiting, i decided to chat with a very pretty girl who was equally waiting. Found out she was dumb and deaf. i quickly produce a pen and book so as not to miss opportunity. After enough promise and much persuasion through writing though, the girl agreed to follow me home.. On the road to my house She warned me not to touch her as it is her first visit to my house. No problem, i wrote back. when we got home, i took her to my room and wanted to go get her some snacks and chilled malt when this suppose girl grabbed my cock and started struggling with the zipper of my trouser.... When i finally slide into her, this girl began bleating like a goat i don't know how long and loud she bleated but when i looked up, my mother, aunty, sister, and two neighbours where standing right by the bed and staring.... I shall never forget that day 8th january 2003...

I laughed so hard after reading this post, people were looking at me

otunbalamba:
you are actually a cowboy you just don wanna learn

https://www.nairaland.com/5087721/hotel-hotel-which-one-correct
Go through the above link and search Google for more on this. But if you like, you can go round town disgracing your hamlet with "an hotel". Bloody ignoramus.

ADAMUdaCOWBOY:

https://www.nairaland.com/5087721/hotel-hotel-which-one-correct
Go through the above link and search Google for more on this. But if you like, you can go round town disgracing your hamlet with "an hotel". Bloody ignoramus.

you better go chase your cows before them enter express, make motor no go jam them Aboki oshi

Funny write up everywhere, I could also remember mine as well back in 2013 with one of my Ex girlfriend.

Met her when we were still in school, so we started dating at a point she broke up because she wanted me to promise her marriage which I didn't so that led to our separation.

So after we left school that should be in 2014 then I was still in my family house I got a call and the person mentioned her name and said don't you remember me, guy Man I remembered but I need to form but I need to be careful cos that kpekus have not eaten it oh so I won't loose it the second time.

So I told her I remember her now so she asked where am I I told her, where I stay and where she stay is not that far. So she asked if we could see or if she can come around, what an opportunity, I said we can see but not in my family house, God so kind by then have started working so I was thinking it's just to see and gist never knew babe had a different intention.
So I decided to take babe to a bar she said she wasn't comfortable there so I decided to use my head to try my luck , I told her let me get a room from a guest house near by where she can rest, she agreed and I booked a room so she sat on the bed so I was just thinking what's her agenda,
So I was trying to touch her she started complaining she is tired I should wait she just came back from work so I had to persuade her to spend the night at first she refused that she will be going to work the next day and she didn't bring any clothe with her and she didn't tell her elder brother she was living with that she won't be coming back that night.
Konji is a bastard, immediately I promise her I will buy new clothes for her that night God so kind she agreed and later called her brother so I told her to sleep that am coming. So I went home to get my ATM card on my way I was just praying this girl doesn't leave oh. So when I got home I had to lie to my mom that my Boss called me from the office that I have to be there immediately, innocent woman she just believed, immediately I pick my ATM card and left on my way bought my CD. I ended up spending much but it wasn't bad cos the next day I went to office telling my my close paa who happens to be my colleague and friend what happened and that was one of the best sex I ever had all through the night we both left to work. After that night that guest house became our regular spot we started dating and spending night there but I got to regret it cos I was spending foolishly until I got my apartment. We ended splitting at the end but it wasn't bad. Didn't get her the cloth anymore cos she couldn't see the one she like from the boutique closed by.

Hhenryy:
LIES everywhere

Uganda

otunbalamba:
you better go chase your cows before them enter express, make motor no go jam them Aboki oshi

You have learnt something from a cow boy, go and be humble. Stop saying "an hotel". Dundee!

emusmithyy:


Don't mind her. That's why I quoted her. Not like I liked what he said but using him to fan your ego.

Those kinda girls forming posh, low-budget Amaka with a borehole. See her pics na, ugly scarra! See the kind of guy she's attracting! Smh

Oga there's no need to insult her, everyone is entitled to their likes and dislikes. Don't give urself unnecessary headache ontop anoda pezin matter nd enjoy d thread cos whether she's being herself or forming posh it doesn't add any value to ur lyf..... One love

STREETSAN:

It's all about principle. Mine is that if we date then we must have sex regardless of whether is going to lead to marriage or not. Principles! If you say no. I won't date you. If you say yes it means you're cool.

My principle too ....

There is nothing like dating without sex .... we should just be friend then.... but if we gonna date , we gonna bang .... if u no gree ... Make we dey go !!

Exmilitant:
When i finally slide into her, this girl began bleating like a goat i don't know how long and loud she bleated but when i looked up, my mother, aunty, sister, and two neighbours where standing right by the bed and staring.... I shall never forget that day 8th january 2003...

to curse u dey hungry me ... I laugh like mad man !!

messenger4891:


sincerely speaking i once had a girl like that......once she is atop,she will ask me to grip her neck very tight and it will be like i was holding a rock ,the veins and arteries will protrude and very strong and her scream is deep like a woman given birth.she will climax severally......do you know the funniest thing... if i mistakenly touch that her neck when sex is not involved she will scream that it is paining her....this is someone i choke during sex oh.

People with mental or psychological issues usually love pain during sex and most times they are numb to that pain ... it promote the brain ecstasy!!

zedegit:
There was this girl I dated in 2006. I can call her weird because everything about her: from her dressing (black) to the way she roved her eyes at me, down to her sleeping habit was weird.


There was a time we were trying to make love, all of a sudden, like one possessed she said I should lie down, I did then she climbed up my face.
What I heard next was "Poo!"
Girl messed o. The stench turned my mouth sour and I lost erection immediately.

For a week, the stench persisted in my room. I had to crash with a friend.
That was the end of whatever we had. I cannot come and kill myself.

Oba wierd... this is crazy mehn .... A resounding slap woulda set her straight mehn .

Sniper101:
By this time last night... I was reading from 1 to the last (18)

Heheee

Randy100:
I was opportuned to get one 18years old girl with perky bøöbs. I promised her heaven on earth just to bring her to my house. She finally agreed and came on sunday evening oh. When it was time for me to chop and clean mouth, she made a request that shrinked my erected pen.is. She said I should dance naked for her while she video the whole thing. An elderly young man like me.

Dreyton36:
There was this girl I met on Facebook, I was in Dubai then
Base on some cars that I shipped home , I decided to spend some time with her
I invited her over to an hotel make man bleep small cuz Arab countries ehn , woman na gold
You must owe better money before you go bleeep confirm one
So, she came to the hotel , trust me John Thomas don already stand
As she bend for doggy, my favourite position, I slide into her DM
Mehn that horrible smell like Pomo water wey them soak for 2yrs
I no free pull out so that she no go feel embarrassed
I continue Las Las na so tears just they drop for my face like oppressed houseboy
She even get mind they shout Bleep me harder, na so the tears they rush for my eyes
After that day i block her

Chai! Jesu

Liliantalks:
not exciting to me at all , I can’t trust no nigga like that , blindfolded!! Nope , that woman was paid , I ain’t . I ain’t interested in such not one bit

He might video the whole action lol � without you knowing.

Having sex with her while on her period.....I hate that shit

ariklawani:
No, I guess is because of the tightness.. But to me, is disgusting fucking the asshole..

Maybe Your Pussy Is Like a Stadium that's why he Wanted Something Tighter like your asshole

Drizzy5001:
My girlfriend can very funny and crazy sometimes, I invited her over to my room because I stay off campus, while she stays in the school hostel, she came that night , after dinner we were laughing and gisting , na im this girl release mess for the room o , I attempted to run out, but she dragged me by my boxers back to the bed , saying that we must inhale the fart together, she hold me tight , I almost suffocated.. after the thing smell finish, she come begin dey laugh..I swear fear girls o hmmm

So I should Fear girls because She Fart ... If Local Man should Release his Own Nuclear material, she may not Recover

Futurejoy:

I cracked my head to think of any and I actually got to remember one. I was in 200L second semester and my ex broke up with me, there was a guy in my class that used to look at me in a lovely manner and I never gave him audience each time he tried speaking to me. Last , last I gave him the audience few months after my break up. We got dating for like a week and this my colleague started asking me to visit him at his cousin’s. He claimed her house was very comfortable and spacious plus she was out of town. In my mind I was like “how dumb can this guy be “ ....well , I told him No cos I truly didn’t like to visit guys in secluded places but I told him we could hang out that evening on campus. I took him to go and eat and after that we sat down close to the school chapel and we were talking. I started feeling cold and my voice was shaky, the next thing he said was “if you are Hot I can keep you warm”. I was like how? He said we could go to a corner and do it......I was dumbfounded and angry. I told him to escort me to my hostel that I want to go make a hot tea and he did . We don’t allow male visitors into my school hostel.
Later that night, he called me during the night call and we spoke. I wanted to know how sensible and decent he can be cos I cannot date who I can’t marry (all these while he agreed to my 1 month dating probation). I asked him that if I had agreed to have sex with him and I got pregnant what will we do about it, I made it clear that I don’t support abortion. He said we will keep it. I was like but we are both students and incapable of raising a child and he said he will tell his mum, that he is even the only child and his mum would be happy to take me in

I said ok, so how about our academics? He said we will drop out of our school and rewrite Jamb and start in another place and his single mum will support us. I was pained and disappointed in myself for even giving him the chance to ask me out. To cut the story short, the next day in class I called him aside and I told him that we can’t date and I am sorry if I gave him green lights. Baba kept begging me till year 5 and my friends didn’t stop yabbing me about dating him cos they thought we were actually dating and the guy was clingy and my reply till today is that I was”hypnotized “
Sorry for the long read.

Futurejoy , Hmmmm .... Women sha ... see Jamb Questions ... if the guy is a player now e for use reverse psychology for you and u go fall yakata.... That dropping out killed the vibe !!

Starberg:



That's far from the truth... The reason why you declined was because of his response.

If he had said " baby common, you can never get pregnant. If I never had clue, I would have impregnated all my exes. Besides, if we should have sex, I've read many articles online on ways to prevent pregnancy" Then you will be more interested to know what he had read. If he is a smart guy, he will put in more puzzle state till he get down with you.

Your line won't still work ... She doesn't wanna hear anything sex , Pregnancy nor drop out .... She wanted a friend or a shoulder

Check this line :
"Babe I'm sorry bout the other night, I was carried away by the flesh and messed by ur beauty ... I didn't know when I blurted the sex nonsense ....I promise to hold you in higher esteem going forward" ...

The above line will relock her brain ... Then you add an Opening to d lock which is a key to sex channel : ...

"Seriously though, Your beauty really carried me away and I lost my sense of reasoning for a second .... we gonna be very serious and studious and be the best to each other .... at that point , hold her hands and kiss her forehead...

At this point put up good body language and firmness of expressions because she will scan for the truthfulness of words of your mouth .... Your body , gestures or face can give you up ...

So Firm Up

Girls like that could have some fvcks in the head or a Goal getter .... you don't rush them

Shikom ... you have the key to your padlock

Futurejoy:

If you know me in person then you will understand that trying to impress me repulses me. I understood that tactics and I had certain principles that guard my actions back in school. Unless I was drugged, I wouldn’t do certain thing and that’s why my activities back then in school was triangular. Hostel, church , class and cafeteria. I barely went to visit my female friends outside school...I think I went 4 times throughout university. Sometimes things happen to us because we put ourselves in the position for it to happen.

Babe, no matter what ... You are a woman .... All the questions you asked that dude was very weak and if he is an OG , You will get played easily.

Even me online self knew the reason why you gave him that little chance was because you needed someone to share emotions with and He failed to meet that standard ... So no need going further !

kaymicxy:
There was this girl I was dating in secondary school, and I use to help them wash their water tank just to be closer to their family..
Av tried several times to bleep this girl but she had always been reluctant, untill one day she agreed but the problem is where to do it.
Then suddenly, I remembered that there was this old reservoir tank they were no longer using so I persuaded her to climb it that I will join her in the next 10 mins, so as to keep watch. She did then i joined her.
But unfortunately, while we were busy enjoying ourselves, we did know that someone actually saw us and removed the ladder we used to climb..
Till today I can't forget the shame and embarrassment we faced that day...

Now this is the worst case scenario

Theevilone:



Na today u know naija guys even some wey never bleep b4 dey claim say they experienced smelly vjay and secondly vjay has it particular smell which is not sexy.

Niggars will have early morning bleep and expect the vjay to smell sexy is not possible.

My point our guys exajurate things about girls a lot.

Na u no sabi anything !

Acedave1:


away matches is the sweetest of all, I got one ex like that too, her mum is a principal and dad is a lawyer.

whenever they left for work she'll call me and we start our lecture till her parent will come back, I almost get caught one day but God save me.I hide in her wardrobe till midnight when her parent slept she brought her dinner for me and I still fvck her that night

Things dey happen in this life sha

Omo k' omo Stopeeeettt Oinnnn !

Amarisco:
Woman no go talk because d kin tin we de experience dey serious. No be these 50 shades of GREEN and blue movie scripts.

Him first go guilt trip and emotionally manipulate you. Before u fit comot the trance use better HQ, the rest na history.

big girl ... U go sha fall noni ... insyd life !!

emusmithyy:



Not your speck.
He's uncool.
Hygiene issues.

Wow, just for one person?

I hope you're sooooo beautiful and hygienic because I see pride all over your writeup. Lots of low-budget girls forming posh in our streets.

That's not pride Dude .... That's taste

emusmithyy:


"Terming your standards as pride shows I'm ignorant?"

I don't have to know you BUT this is social media and everyone parades what they're not, especially.

If you are that beautiful, hygienic & know what you want, you'll be proud enough (like you did when using that poor guy to shine) to display some of your pictures or dropping your Social Media handle. Otherwise, humble yourself and quit forming woke!

And please, using "because" instead of "cos" won't kill you. Jeez!

You have issues dude ... I been observing you from that Near death experience thread ... You were challenging everybody's post without sharing any experience ....

Now what is the craziest thing you partner asked you to do ?

U too like attacking people ... check it dude

TLrboss:
I was giving my girl head the other day, she really enjoys that shit. So I turned her over doggy style and planted my tongue on her vjay from behind. You know at such position my nose will naturally rest on her shit hole(anus). So when the going became extremely sweet, and my nose was just on top of her anus, the next thing I heard, felt, smelt was a very nasty mess that circulated throughout my body and my brain through my nose. Jeez!

.... ThanGod u survived !!

davemania:







He might video the whole action lol � without you knowing.

that was my major fear

Bollove:
Babe, no matter what ... You are a woman .... All the questions you asked that dude was very weak and if he is an OG , You will get played easily.

Even me online self knew the reason why you gave him that little chance was because you needed someone to share emotions with and He failed to meet that standard ... So no need going further !

You got the fact that I needed someone to share emotions with then . I asked him those questions cos I noticed somethings about him , I I just wanted to confirm if he was reasonable. There is no need for so much words, I believe he has learnt his lessons and has developed himself to be better because I am doing same. We keep learning right

Bollove:
Futurejoy , Hmmmm .... Women sha ... see Jamb Questions ... if the guy is a player now e for use reverse psychology for you and u go fall yakata.... That dropping out killed the vibe !!

Lol....Girls don’t have chicken brain. I grew up in the midst of guys and reverse psychology or not, I would not have fall cos I wasn’t determined to fall for it or him. The time wasn’t even there