₦airaland Forum

omoharry:
Is it not better to divorce a stupid man that can send you to ur grave on time than to remain in miserable marriage & die from a broken heart? Women remain in various abusive marriage becos some stupid people like you will stigmatize then as divorcees? What message do you now have for women who have died from stroke and heart attack as a result of bad marriage ?Of cos una usual advise: bear ooo!Knee down and serve food ooo!Pray for him ooo! Be humble and always apologize to him even when he is at fault at all time ooo! If he beat you , tell him you are sorry and cook his favorite meal oooo!!
Any one that reason like this should sit down on his village stool and start drinking his palm wine with kolanut in his mud house with goat and village fowl as his companion. Becos they are not only archaic but demented and miserable souls.
Madam if your husband is set his ways and not willing to compromised for the marriage to work .Please start saving money for a plan B. Do not allow this man to increase your hypertension to stroke or Heart attack. If you die today ,These same mad people here on nairaland telling you to bear and pray pray pray will still blame you for not doing the necessary duty as a wife for ur husband to make you happy .
Our society is cruel to women and you should not fall prey to thier wicked expectation of suffering and smiling in an abusive marriage .

kestolove95:
Divorce d modafucka nd move on with ur life, get a young guy as a sec toy...no time men are stupeed

Julietsim:
This is true especially for most marriages. Because the man brings alot of money to the table,he will start forming boss. Start saving because the men of the days hmmm. If they are 90%breadwinner, they will be unappreciative. They want their wives to worship them and when the woman is the breadwinner, they become intimidated and start saying the woman is no more respectful.

potent5:
If you can't apologize, whether you are right or wrong, then you are not ready for marriage yet. It doesn't matter if you are the man or the woman.

omoharry:
I am not op oo!Just contributed.

MrBachelor:
So many unhappy married women out there.

Fortune118005:
Are you sure you are the husband, if yes love your woman and make her happy.
Such women are rare

veave:
Hian.

Wetin I go talk go pain you o. But na the truth I go tell you. Madam, right now I can't tell you to start with 50% so I will say 20%.

Thank God there is covid and I pray your job doesn't get affected. As soon as you resume, the second day you get to work tell him there has been a 40% reduction from your salary due to low inflow of cash. You need to save at least 20% of your salary. This money no Matter if the roof is falling down you're not to touch it. Na your back up money be that. The other 20% is for your upkeep. You and your kids should survive on the remaining 50% because you'd definitely pay tithe. It's because he knows you always have a back up plan that is why he is relaxed and allowing you foot all the bills.
No this kain thing make me say I no go marry "brother" when I dey small. Most of them are lazy and are dreamers. They expect manner to fall from heaven after their praying and fasting forgetting Paul had a handiwork that sustained him all through his life hence he didn't have to beg and depend on anyone. I no dey like this kind jist. He's not even appreciative of his supportive wife. I know women who use all their money to buy shoes, clothes and the latest asoebi, their husbands dare not say pim because they'd even take his own and join.

Chicent:
Miz_JaY: My first r/l was a flirt, he disappointed me so bad, I didn't date for almost 3 yrs and wen I realised I was not getting any younger, I decided to enter anoda r/l, which lasted for almost 5 yrs. During this period, I was paying d bills even when I had no job. I am too calm & cool so he took advantage of that. I decided to go my way though it was a tough decision because of all the sacrifices I've made for almost 5yrs and I'm 28, couldn't imagine I wasted almost 5yrs on a r/l dat ended up no where, I snobbed enough guys that period because I chose to stay faithful, I don't double date & also he promised me marriage. I am supposed to be a very pretty gal but I don't always look good cos I'm always worried about what he will eat or wear etc so instead of using d money to take care of my looks, I channel it to him. Was I being stupid for 5 yrs? ? Its not just about love though it was compassion because I couldn't stop helping him as I couldn't watch him suffer. I didn't think I was getting a fair treatment as he scolds me at any slight mistake I make making me feel like a mumu when I'm a smartass. Sometimes I wished I Can just have babies & take care of them myself without marrying? I can't seem to meet any really good guy, my dream guy. I've suffered in d hands of my 2 relationships and I'm tired of men, even if I decide to date, I can never date a broke arsse anymore, I used to hate d talk dat a guy has to really have cash b4 u date him but omo I second that now as I have seen Oba.. I am wrecked cos I took care of a guy for 5yrs and I'm suffering for it. By now I should have a land and at least a small ride & some cash saved up in my account if I had invested all dat money I spent for 5yrs on dis guy. I am so devastated....what guys do to gals...Mtscheww...Smh...now I'm wondering where I would start from. Sometimes Why do some really good girls go through baad relationships? I just feel like d world should end already








@MizJaY this was you in 2013.... and here we are in 2020 with same mistakes.... what happened you didn't learn from your mistakes

lilyheaven:
What is the meaning of that?

spartan117:
All you have said is very correct, it takes two to make a marriage work.

However the reality we face today is that many husbands in some homes are immature very stubborn and egotistical. My initial comment which you quoted wasn't directed to them, their own matter is for another day.

Back to the topic, the op mentioned that her husband has been displaying some of the characters I mentioned above hence my response was directed to her and not her husband, also my response below is directed to the female folk alone not men.

Having two strong heads in a relationship is never going to work! Now that your husband has decided to remain immature what will you do? Will you nag him to death or abuse him? How will that help your marriage.

You don't demand love from your husband if you feel he has absconded from this responsibility, you show him love and honour. I'll repeat this again love conquers all things Jesus Christ is the perfect example:

Romans 5:8 But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.


Christ didn't wait for us to love him before he loved us. Even while we (his bride) were living in sin he loved us. This is the love that makes us accept Christ and today many have even died because they refused to denounce him. It's all about love.

A virtuous woman is one that respects, honours and loves her husband not because of his actions, but because of the love of Christ in her heart.

I'm a man and I respect women, and I honour virtuous women. Marriage certainly is not an achievement, but marrying a virtuous woman is certainly one of the greatest achievements a man can ever attain.

Proverbs 31:10 Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.

Mstick:
Hmmmmmmm this one is tough, a broke man with ego is more dangerous than a rattle snake.

Psoul:
Oga, this is not a Yoruba forum naa.
Why not make comment in a language that all of us will understand.

Funkybabee:
U have google

rubi96:
These are things I read or hear about that makes me reconsider marriage and my mum will just be wasting time kabashing on my head ��. I just think I'm afraid of this kind of story that touch. Op, I don't have any advice o.

MizJaY:
Sorry for the long message but this lockdown period might favour reading long msgs.

I'm the quiet type so I have never opened mouth to insult my husband during any misunderstanding. Just arguments and my voice may go up a bit trying to explain or clear myself but he will start saying im raising my voice and talking back at him and start saying all sorts of things.

Honestly sometimes I wished I could unleash the anger deep down and screammm but I always have self control. If u sit with him, he will give u a million reasons why I'm not a good wife and if u don't know me well, u will fall for it because he tells it so well. I will not say everything he says is false, but 80% is. Only those that really know me, will know he is d one that has problem. He's too difficult at times.

In an office, there's usually that one person that quarrels with everyone am I right? But I end up being d only person that dat person doesn't quarrel with cos I try as much as possible to avoid quarrels that's just d kind of person I am. Calm and quiet.

When I met my husband NYSC days, he was very close to God, organizing programs in church and handling them. That was the main reason I got close to him cos I wasnt so spiritual and needed someone to help me grow spiritually through life. He told me he was called to be a pastor and that excited me but I'm not seeing that now lol. He's spiritual life is almost zero. And back then, he had nothing, we would spend all my money even to reach his sick mother in the village I would buy all the foodstuff to send to her.

The way he talked he sounded promising that things will get better with him, but today, I still suffer, I have no savings, all my salary is on the house. He works too and earns but he's salary covers rent and the children's school fees finished. I do the rest but he doesn't appreciate the fact that I sacrifice everything I earn to feeding the house. We are family of 6. Everything provision, food, children school snack, fuel for car and gen, gas filing etc etc it's me. And that's how my whole salary will just go fiam.

if I ws getting a little appreciation I for no mind but rather I get insults o. It's my fault that
Money is finished, it's my fault that we have no savings, I don't know how to manage money, I'm hoarding my money etc etc those are d words that come out of his mouth o.

I used to be a beautiful woman but no more, I wear one shoe everyday to work, can't buy myself clothes shoes nothing I had to cut my hair to relieve myself from hair money lol. I'm stressed out thinking of where money will come for feeding when my salary gets finished before month end at times I have to beg my sister or my dad a pensioner or hussle one way or d other. I now developed high bp and today I'm living with hypertension taking drugs everyday. It was my parents that gave my husband d job he's doing today. He is not in talking terms with he's dad n siblings. Before he's mother died, things were not too good between them. My husband likes to always form man of d house and want me to apologise whenever there's a misunderstanding saying that I am d one wrong, I'm always wondering how am always the one wrong and he's not � every time.

Sometimes self I don't know what I did that mks him angry he will just start carrying face. Today makes it a week we are not talking cos he has been carrying face since 7days now, and went to post something on wassap yesterday that a woman that cannot apologise to her husband cannot stay in marriage.

My brothers and sisters if I know of anything I did that I have to apologise for yet I refused to apologise that is making him carry face, may God strike me. If u know I did anything wrong why not come to me and tell me u don't like what I did and tell me what i did rather than carry face up n down. He always does that. At times I do ask him and as usual am always d one at fault. Maybe it's cos I'm a quiet person he's taking me for mumu.

The national anthem now is that because he does not have money that's why I don't respect him the way I'm supposed to. I'm always careful with my word when gisting with him cos make I make mistake say Donald duke is d current governor of rivers state haaa problem don enter and it may spoil d sweet gisting we were having. He go almost insult me and become uninterested in gisting with me again cos i don talk mumu talk.

So how can I handle such man cos if no be say I be quiet person, I for don receive serious beating black and blue from this man cos he has done it earlier on in our marriage not serious beating sha but I had some bruises. If not that my parents are still alive and warned him. Tho he still attempts once in a blue moon I go jus arrange myself. But I'm kind of tired. I have no money cos trust me, if I had, Maybe i for don dey plan my move sef I no dey enjoy marriage life at all

CHoccolaTE:
A woman cannot be contributing as breadwinner and also show total submission

It's not possible.

Psoul:
Abeg park well. NK woman is scared of getting married. This is what women that have not bn fortunate to get a suitor in their lives will always say. They console themselves with that story of bn scared of getting married.

It's just like hearing a guy tell you that he is scared of having money or making money.

tonididdy:
Ehen
... and you are bold to say this?

Nwodosis:
It is obvious you are not the talking type but the writing type, we have read your version, how do we get your husband's version? There is no smoke without fire!

Not to discredit this person 100% and i might be wrong but,make contact with this person wisely.

A professional would have a certain command of written English language and this “marital psychologist” leaves a lot to be desired from their write up and conclusions.

Usually, they are called marriage psychologist or family psychologist or counsellors.

Stay safe online.

Blackbishop:
Some men can frustrate the holiness outta you, wisdom is all we need when it comes to the matter of the heart.

Learn to talk less and listen more... Friends ain't going to help, bcuz the advise they dish out they can't follow it. Most of them are facing more horror but they will keep theirs and advise you so yhu can be a scape goat.

Madam prayers and patience and perseverance all the way...
Love you

MizJaY:
Sorry for the long message but this lockdown period might favour reading long msgs.

I'm the quiet type so I have never opened mouth to insult my husband during any misunderstanding. Just arguments and my voice may go up a bit trying to explain or clear myself but he will start saying im raising my voice and talking back at him and start saying all sorts of things.

Honestly sometimes I wished I could unleash the anger deep down and screammm but I always have self control. If u sit with him, he will give u a million reasons why I'm not a good wife and if u don't know me well, u will fall for it because he tells it so well. I will not say everything he says is false, but 80% is. Only those that really know me, will know he is d one that has problem. He's too difficult at times.

In an office, there's usually that one person that quarrels with everyone am I right? But I end up being d only person that dat person doesn't quarrel with cos I try as much as possible to avoid quarrels that's just d kind of person I am. Calm and quiet.

When I met my husband NYSC days, he was very close to God, organizing programs in church and handling them. That was the main reason I got close to him cos I wasnt so spiritual and needed someone to help me grow spiritually through life. He told me he was called to be a pastor and that excited me but I'm not seeing that now lol. He's spiritual life is almost zero. And back then, he had nothing, we would spend all my money even to reach his sick mother in the village I would buy all the foodstuff to send to her.

The way he talked he sounded promising that things will get better with him, but today, I still suffer, I have no savings, all my salary is on the house. He works too and earns but he's salary covers rent and the children's school fees finished. I do the rest but he doesn't appreciate the fact that I sacrifice everything I earn to feeding the house. We are family of 6. Everything provision, food, children school snack, fuel for car and gen, gas filing etc etc it's me. And that's how my whole salary will just go fiam.

if I ws getting a little appreciation I for no mind but rather I get insults o. It's my fault that
Money is finished, it's my fault that we have no savings, I don't know how to manage money, I'm hoarding my money etc etc those are d words that come out of his mouth o.

I used to be a beautiful woman but no more, I wear one shoe everyday to work, can't buy myself clothes shoes nothing I had to cut my hair to relieve myself from hair money lol. I'm stressed out thinking of where money will come for feeding when my salary gets finished before month end at times I have to beg my sister or my dad a pensioner or hussle one way or d other. I now developed high bp and today I'm living with hypertension taking drugs everyday. It was my parents that gave my husband d job he's doing today. He is not in talking terms with he's dad n siblings. Before he's mother died, things were not too good between them. My husband likes to always form man of d house and want me to apologise whenever there's a misunderstanding saying that I am d one wrong, I'm always wondering how am always the one wrong and he's not � every time.

Sometimes self I don't know what I did that mks him angry he will just start carrying face. Today makes it a week we are not talking cos he has been carrying face since 7days now, and went to post something on wassap yesterday that a woman that cannot apologise to her husband cannot stay in marriage.

My brothers and sisters if I know of anything I did that I have to apologise for yet I refused to apologise that is making him carry face, may God strike me. If u know I did anything wrong why not come to me and tell me u don't like what I did and tell me what i did rather than carry face up n down. He always does that. At times I do ask him and as usual am always d one at fault. Maybe it's cos I'm a quiet person he's taking me for mumu.

The national anthem now is that because he does not have money that's why I don't respect him the way I'm supposed to. I'm always careful with my word when gisting with him cos make I make mistake say Donald duke is d current governor of rivers state haaa problem don enter and it may spoil d sweet gisting we were having. He go almost insult me and become uninterested in gisting with me again cos i don talk mumu talk.

So how can I handle such man cos if no be say I be quiet person, I for don receive serious beating black and blue from this man cos he has done it earlier on in our marriage not serious beating sha but I had some bruises. If not that my parents are still alive and warned him. Tho he still attempts once in a blue moon I go jus arrange myself. But I'm kind of tired. I have no money cos trust me, if I had, Maybe i for don dey plan my move sef I no dey enjoy marriage life at all

southniyikaye:
Na wa o, maybe everybody should just carry his or her cross and continue praying to God for divine solution cos the opposite is my own case.
She doesn't even work and now that she works and am jobless, the matter come tie wrapper.
I do the begging everytime cos of the kids cos they will always bear the brunt.
This life Sha.

olabrinks:
Don’t marry for love marry for money. We have been saying this for centuries. Let them call you a goldigger, let them shame you, you will have the last laugh. What is a man, when he doesn’t have money? What can he do for you? What kind of husband will he be, and how can he provide for his future children? What is potiential, everybody in this world has potiential. You need to see monetary proof that he can lead a home. Think with your brain and not your heart, you will avoid many problems. You will grow to love a man who is a stable provider, you will grow out of love with a man who is a stable broke ass. This is not the generation of building with a man, if a man ain’t got money today, he will 90% not have tomorrow. At least when the man gives you problems (which is 100% certain), you will have stability in regards to finances which is One less problem to deal with. A word is enough for the wise.

CHoccolaTE:
Yes, very bold