Firstly:
Both of you are under intense financial pressure and men usually reflect their own in their character more than the women.
Secondly,
You guys are leaving above your means considering the fact that your husbands pay and your own pay finish before the month end.
Thirdly,
You guys don't communicate at all, and it is the man's fault, because if you do, some of these issues would have been sorted out.
Fourthly:
The man is a great guy but unlike greater guys, he has stopped learning....in marriage we keep learning, and his less commitment in relationship with God caused it.
Fifth problem:
He is battle ready because of what we are seeing in the world today. He is hostile because he does not wana give room for feminist tendencies especially now you are a co-provider...he is fighting a mindset battle with you in advance even when you have no intentions to rub showers with him at all.

SOLUTION:
1) Insist on reducing the financial pressure by observing the rules of expenditure. Rent should not be more than 15% of your hubby's annual pay if practicable. School fees should not be a project, it should be like paying NEPA bill....put them in cheaper school, cos even pencil, Nigeria is yet to start producing, so reduce that school fees stress.
2) Improve on your spiritual life too, get committed to things of God, observe devotions cos that's best place to talk at times.
3) Someone needs to make your hubby understand that all women are not the same, the advance battle he is fighting should be stopped. Your pastor, his mentor, his friends...that means you need to talk to someone he respects and fears.
4) You guys should know that the house upkeep, fees and rent are supposed to be within the man's income. The earlier men understand that women's money are their money and the man's money is our money the better. We must live according to my income, so that I don't have to look at hers...that way anything she brings is more like a savings to me so far as the woman is not extravagant.
5) The place of prayer. Devil does not like happy marriages so he works day and night to frustrate your efforts through your hubby since he gave it a chance. So arrest the situation with prayers to avoid further breakdown cos the moments he adds womanizing to his problems, that's the end of the marriage and he has not done that yet cos he does not have the money.
6) If your hubby gets committed with men's fellowship department, he will learn a lot there, make it a duty to push him to get committed in men's dept in the church.
7) Happy home is a deliberate effort of both parties, one person can never make the home happy.
Rejoice I say rejoice, you know why, very soon the man will realise that he dogged his own grave, he has the power now but someday he will loose all to you and the kids, then it would be too late for him to realise that he built more walls than bridges.
9) Ensure you save sth from your salary and ensure you take care of your body cos if you die today, the man will marry next tomorrow. So your life first. Look good also because it is your right, after all you work, so look good.
10) Keep applying all the measures to avoid physical abuse cos that's the only thing that will make the marriage crash. Don't insult him, don't talk while he is talking instead allow him to finish, when he starts listening u can talk. No sane person goes physical on his wife when she is quiet.
11) Learn to start being friends with ur kids, so that anytime he starts his malice, you go closer to the children, that way you won't have to look Uche face. Learn to stay on ur own also. If he sees that you don't talk much and u stay on ur own most times, he will be tired. The truth is that you need to go offensive this time not defensive by doing exactly or more than he is doing in terms of quietness and not talking in the house. Since he sabi keep malice, give him overdose silence attitude but in the midst of it, respect and adore him...let him be the one asking what did he do.
12) Apologise when you are wrong and also use the medium to express your own grievances. When you are not sure of doing anything wrong to him, then approach him and ask him what u did that make him behave this way with intention to apologise anyway, but if he says u did not do anything, then double the silence attitude for him.
13) Learn to create some memorable times anytime you guys are happy so that when he starts his madness, you withdraw ur good time attitude. Like holding him while sleeping, sleeping empty, seducing him etc...when he starts his usual frowning, u lock up....my wife uses this on me and it resets my brain faster.
14) Learn to be happy all the time. If men discover that you are always happy even when they frown, they become uncomfortable, cos the reason for malice is to discomfort you and if you show opposite effect of his expectations, you win. My wife learnt this and it makes me look stupid when I'm angry....I use malice a lot to express anger so I know what I'm saying.
15) Finally, there is no reason to start making plans to leave your marriage, every marriage has it's ups and downs...keep pushing cos everything will eventually be relatively alright. So far as he is not going physical with you, you can stay for the sake of your kids, more over, the moment you leave that marriage, your whole life will never be the same again...you can never be happy again in life, people will say otherwise but you won't understand until you become a divorcee at your present stage of life.
You guys have departed from the very foundation of your marriage....godliness...
Go back to where it all started....when you miss a road, the only solution is to go back to where you missed the road. Get committed the more with the things of God, attend church activities with him more often, that way you both will keep learning. Invite Jesus again in your home because he has left teee te.
Remain blessed and stay in prayer.

MizJaY:
Sorry for the long message but this lockdown period might favour reading long msgs.

I'm the quiet type so I have never opened mouth to insult my husband during any misunderstanding. Just arguments and my voice may go up a bit trying to explain or clear myself but he will start saying im raising my voice and talking back at him and start saying all sorts of things.

Honestly sometimes I wished I could unleash the anger deep down and screammm but I always have self control. If u sit with him, he will give u a million reasons why I'm not a good wife and if u don't know me well, u will fall for it because he tells it so well. I will not say everything he says is false, but 80% is. Only those that really know me, will know he is d one that has problem. He's too difficult at times.

In an office, there's usually that one person that quarrels with everyone am I right? But I end up being d only person that dat person doesn't quarrel with cos I try as much as possible to avoid quarrels that's just d kind of person I am. Calm and quiet.

When I met my husband NYSC days, he was very close to God, organizing programs in church and handling them. That was the main reason I got close to him cos I wasnt so spiritual and needed someone to help me grow spiritually through life. He told me he was called to be a pastor and that excited me but I'm not seeing that now lol. He's spiritual life is almost zero. And back then, he had nothing, we would spend all my money even to reach his sick mother in the village I would buy all the foodstuff to send to her.

The way he talked he sounded promising that things will get better with him, but today, I still suffer, I have no savings, all my salary is on the house. He works too and earns but he's salary covers rent and the children's school fees finished. I do the rest but he doesn't appreciate the fact that I sacrifice everything I earn to feeding the house. We are family of 6. Everything provision, food, children school snack, fuel for car and gen, gas filing etc etc it's me. And that's how my whole salary will just go fiam.

if I ws getting a little appreciation I for no mind but rather I get insults o. It's my fault that
Money is finished, it's my fault that we have no savings, I don't know how to manage money, I'm hoarding my money etc etc those are d words that come out of his mouth o.

I used to be a beautiful woman but no more, I wear one shoe everyday to work, can't buy myself clothes shoes nothing I had to cut my hair to relieve myself from hair money lol. I'm stressed out thinking of where money will come for feeding when my salary gets finished before month end at times I have to beg my sister or my dad a pensioner or hussle one way or d other. I now developed high bp and today I'm living with hypertension taking drugs everyday. It was my parents that gave my husband d job he's doing today. He is not in talking terms with he's dad n siblings. Before he's mother died, things were not too good between them. My husband likes to always form man of d house and want me to apologise whenever there's a misunderstanding saying that I am d one wrong, I'm always wondering how am always the one wrong and he's not � every time.

Sometimes self I don't know what I did that mks him angry he will just start carrying face. Today makes it a week we are not talking cos he has been carrying face since 7days now, and went to post something on wassap yesterday that a woman that cannot apologise to her husband cannot stay in marriage.

My brothers and sisters if I know of anything I did that I have to apologise for yet I refused to apologise that is making him carry face, may God strike me. If u know I did anything wrong why not come to me and tell me u don't like what I did and tell me what i did rather than carry face up n down. He always does that. At times I do ask him and as usual am always d one at fault. Maybe it's cos I'm a quiet person he's taking me for mumu.

The national anthem now is that because he does not have money that's why I don't respect him the way I'm supposed to. I'm always careful with my word when gisting with him cos make I make mistake say Donald duke is d current governor of rivers state haaa problem don enter and it may spoil d sweet gisting we were having. He go almost insult me and become uninterested in gisting with me again cos i don talk mumu talk.

So how can I handle such man cos if no be say I be quiet person, I for don receive serious beating black and blue from this man cos he has done it earlier on in our marriage not serious beating sha but I had some bruises. If not that my parents are still alive and warned him. Tho he still attempts once in a blue moon I go jus arrange myself. But I'm kind of tired. I have no money cos trust me, if I had, Maybe i for don dey plan my move sef I no dey enjoy marriage life at all

Tozic:


your type is the one that call goal_oriented guys 'boring'. Later you spend your time with an un_ambitious guy that cracks jokes. Tomorrow you'll come blame your miserable life on every guy.

you are not goal oriented, you spend all your life following me up and down.

your type are the ones we women should avoid(no future ambition)

evilive:
I know a tenant that refuses to pay her rent because (she suddenly realized) the road to the house is rough and dusty; it makes her sick, yet she refused to pack out.(she's also broke)

I hate marriage with passion, it irritates me like dogshits; the whole settings of it, it is demeaning and very unnatural. All in the name of f*cking and making kids for one stupid future.

I remember the day I told my father that I'll never marry if I'll be treating my wife the way he does. He is always right while the poor woman supplies the apologies even when he is obviously wrong.

Naturally, I have strong dislike for inequality or any form of oppression; I can't stand it. What exactly is the overall gain in marriage that people sacrifice so much happiness to sustain it?

I love myself so much that I don't endure toxic interference for too long. I don't want to blame anybody for my misfortunes nor thank anybody for being happy. I want to be responsible for my life.

Honestly, I care less about how your husband treats you; it's your f*cking choice and I'm sure you don't stay in the toilet when you're done shit-ing. BUT, the kids, the poor kids; I can't stand them suffering.

How I wish human offsprings don't have to depend on parents for survival, just like grasshoppers or cocroaches; lay the eggs and f*ck off. Unfortunately, human species have made being human more complex than nervous system.

I'm not a religious fan in case anyone want to make reference to some 'Jah' says bullshits. But I will advice that you don't sacrifice your peace for anything; not even stupid love.

I had to come online because of your comment.
God bless you.
Honestly, I wonder why women go as far as having more kids for a man that does not deserve shit. Women should shine their eyes. You have your first child and second child, and you see he is acting like a maniac or you are unhappy. You are beginning to see the man is a joke and giving you problems. Put a stop to CHILDBIRTH immediately. Don't add more children to the the problematic and troubled marriage. It is ABSOLUTELY SELFISH to have more kids for a man that ain't worth it. Imagine 4 kids ! I was pained

CAPSLOCKED:


I AM TRYING BUT YOU SEE, HER LOVE FOR MONEY AND MEN IS OVERWHELMING.

Are you sure you are the husband, if yes love your woman and make her happy.
Such women are rare

INDUSTRIALFAN:
the mindset most men I've heard talk have is " my money is our money, her money is her money. If I have 100 naira and my wife has 1000 naira, total money in the house is 100 naira" I wish every man can embrace this ideology... Though it may be hard but men should be able to push harder.. Having a wife that supports is only a plus and not an entitlement..... However I'll disagree with you on the tithe sha.... It is not a "MUST" she pay tithe... It is personal choice.

You're right on the sayings though... Even if it is by deceit, it is for her own good. I remember before when I get paid, I used to give my girlfriend a certain percentage but the demand kept increasing. Lool.... I just told her my salary was slashed and I can't give her anything again. That money began to go into savings and it helped a lot.

What you are saying is not making sense, so only a man can spend his money on the family and not the woman. Grow up son

MizJaY:
Sorry for the long message but this lockdown period might favour reading long msgs.

I'm the quiet type so I have never opened mouth to insult my husband during any misunderstanding. Just arguments and my voice may go up a bit trying to explain or clear myself but he will start saying im raising my voice and talking back at him and start saying all sorts of things.

Honestly sometimes I wished I could unleash the anger deep down and screammm but I always have self control. If u sit with him, he will give u a million reasons why I'm not a good wife and if u don't know me well, u will fall for it because he tells it so well. I will not say everything he says is false, but 80% is. Only those that really know me, will know he is d one that has problem. He's too difficult at times.

In an office, there's usually that one person that quarrels with everyone am I right? But I end up being d only person that dat person doesn't quarrel with cos I try as much as possible to avoid quarrels that's just d kind of person I am. Calm and quiet.

When I met my husband NYSC days, he was very close to God, organizing programs in church and handling them. That was the main reason I got close to him cos I wasnt so spiritual and needed someone to help me grow spiritually through life. He told me he was called to be a pastor and that excited me but I'm not seeing that now lol. He's spiritual life is almost zero. And back then, he had nothing, we would spend all my money even to reach his sick mother in the village I would buy all the foodstuff to send to her.

The way he talked he sounded promising that things will get better with him, but today, I still suffer, I have no savings, all my salary is on the house. He works too and earns but he's salary covers rent and the children's school fees finished. I do the rest but he doesn't appreciate the fact that I sacrifice everything I earn to feeding the house. We are family of 6. Everything provision, food, children school snack, fuel for car and gen, gas filing etc etc it's me. And that's how my whole salary will just go fiam.

if I ws getting a little appreciation I for no mind but rather I get insults o. It's my fault that
Money is finished, it's my fault that we have no savings, I don't know how to manage money, I'm hoarding my money etc etc those are d words that come out of his mouth o.

I used to be a beautiful woman but no more, I wear one shoe everyday to work, can't buy myself clothes shoes nothing I had to cut my hair to relieve myself from hair money lol. I'm stressed out thinking of where money will come for feeding when my salary gets finished before month end at times I have to beg my sister or my dad a pensioner or hussle one way or d other. I now developed high bp and today I'm living with hypertension taking drugs everyday. It was my parents that gave my husband d job he's doing today. He is not in talking terms with he's dad n siblings. Before he's mother died, things were not too good between them. My husband likes to always form man of d house and want me to apologise whenever there's a misunderstanding saying that I am d one wrong, I'm always wondering how am always the one wrong and he's not � every time.

Sometimes self I don't know what I did that mks him angry he will just start carrying face. Today makes it a week we are not talking cos he has been carrying face since 7days now, and went to post something on wassap yesterday that a woman that cannot apologise to her husband cannot stay in marriage.

My brothers and sisters if I know of anything I did that I have to apologise for yet I refused to apologise that is making him carry face, may God strike me. If u know I did anything wrong why not come to me and tell me u don't like what I did and tell me what i did rather than carry face up n down. He always does that. At times I do ask him and as usual am always d one at fault. Maybe it's cos I'm a quiet person he's taking me for mumu.

The national anthem now is that because he does not have money that's why I don't respect him the way I'm supposed to. I'm always careful with my word when gisting with him cos make I make mistake say Donald duke is d current governor of rivers state haaa problem don enter and it may spoil d sweet gisting we were having. He go almost insult me and become uninterested in gisting with me again cos i don talk mumu talk.

So how can I handle such man cos if no be say I be quiet person, I for don receive serious beating black and blue from this man cos he has done it earlier on in our marriage not serious beating sha but I had some bruises. If not that my parents are still alive and warned him. Tho he still attempts once in a blue moon I go jus arrange myself. But I'm kind of tired. I have no money cos trust me, if I had, Maybe i for don dey plan my move sef I no dey enjoy marriage life at all

Lol... While I read through, all I kept seeing were my parents.. The only difference is my mum is your husband and you are my dad... Of course she can't lift her hand against him.. He towers over her but damn... Popcie did everything to ensure we were comfortable but mumcie always saw wahala where there's non and never apologized but my dad being the very calm man that he is and loves peace either avoided issues and did more or keeps quiet when my mum. begins to rake. When she's done, he apologizes. He had a company and had lots of contracts from both private individuals and the government alike.. We had landed properties and all... Heck, where our family house is located in the north is named after my dad.(due to relocation back to the south all properties Ve been sold except the family house)... My point is, women aren't the only ones experiencing such.. Its a mix... Men experience this too. Want my advice? SAVE.... No matter how little... The kind of person ur husband is ehn, if he decides one day, he could up and leave you with bills and kids to cater for. SAVE.... Invest in yourself and when you begin to look better, he may begin to develop a soft spot for you again. If he doesn't, screw it.... Seek better jobs with better pay that could help increase ur savings. When you save enough, start up a business that can run even without you being there if you can have someone you trust so that while it runs, you can also work(POS withdrawal and deposit business is very lucrative if well located and you may need to have at least 300k saved to start (you can share a shop with someone as you don't need much space. Just enough for a table and 2 chairs).... I hope you aren't just stuck on one job but seeking better opportunities..... I am not married yet but I always pray I do not change when I do... I always pray all the things I have said I will be to whoever I get married to will prevail and that I get married to a person who wouldn't be pretending before we get married cos I know myself... I am as calm as my dad, I get upset and vexed easily like my mum but it is a part I have always never been able to let come out. Somehow the calm side of me suppresses the angry side of me no matter how angry I get. Only twice or thrice neutral people who angered me have seen me get mad and in times like that, only my siblings, close friends or any girl I'm dating at that point have been able to calm me... If people you love can't calm the anger then na God o... Lol... In other words, if you are a trigger for your husband instead of the opposite, I fear for you sis.... I hope you get better... You'll be fine..

[quote author=nautybride post=89117482]
Exactly my mind. I hope singles learn from this. For crying out loud, people should stop having more babies that we can't take care of. You loose yourself and one will look hagard at the expense of child care.
In fact, maybe I will start supporting the school of thought that a broke man is not entitled to sex.[/quote]


Haba na!..

Peave82:


The Quran and bible teaches both the husband and wife how to live not only the husband.It takes two to tango.

“Ask your mothers how they did it”is one of the problems of marriage today.Most mothers pre 1960,had little or no choice, were not educated or financially independent so endured beatings,all forms of abuse and even starvation.

Bringing your mother into the marriage is part of the problem.Get your own marriage right and forget how your mothers did it.

Am not talking about bringing your mother into your marriage , if at all you can go to your mother for advice , you can find someone (godly ) who has the experience and still in marriage

PRE 1960? does that mean all pre 1960 mothers went through violence and all sorts ? marriages have different challenges ...... stay in it and fight it out

YES , it takes two to tangle ( was only staying in the range of the story )



NUMBERS OF SINGLE MOTHERS WILL MULTIPLY in the coming years ......

KillamanJoe:
I'm using my own standards to judge the case as there is not amount stated by the poster. For example, my wife and I pay 1.2m as rent and 100k for 3 months for crech. How much I wan use take chop food in a year.

1.2M as rent? I salute you, you are a rich man!

bukatyne:


I see two issues:

1. You both are earning below the standard of living you have set for yourselves. In what ways is your husband trying to increase his earnings?

2. Do you have a written budget where you can track income with expenditure so you see where you can cut expenses (I know what you have is not enough however, that will reduce the mental stress on you).

3. You have the classic egoistic Nigerian husband. How do you navigate them? By apologizing when issues crop up whether you are wrong or not. Yorubas call that apology 'gba je n simi' or 'sorry, let me rest.'
So issues come up, it is quickly 'sweetheart, sorry, I did not mean it like that.', 'sorry, no vex' etc.

4. His spiritual life: what happened to the man that wanted to be a pastor? Just how you leaned on him for spiritual growth, you might need to return the favour now.

And good that you have to wisdom to avoid his blows since you are still willing to stay.

u wrote wit great wisdom.... Kudos.
Hope she follows this advice. No 3 is wat mum used to tame Dad over the years and it's not so difficult to do, just takes understanding which is embedded in humility. Advice number 4 is top notch

djon78:


We have to be balanced when we throw around this word of submission.

The woman should submit but what did the Bible tell the man: husband love your wife!!! How? As Christ loved the church and gave himself for her.

Men even have the tougher task, to love there wives to the extent of dieing for her.

Also note it was the man the Bible commanded to love. The woman was never given that injuction

Definitely of love? 1 Corinthians 13 vs 4 gave the characteristics of love which are:

Love is patient, kind, it's not boastful, it's not proud. It's not rude, it's not selfish etc

Which woman will you shower with all those qualities that will not worship and adore you.


Most of you quote bible to soot your own narrative. You won't love a woman as the Bible commanded you to. But you will want her to submit to you.
That's very very very selfish.

Chop kisses! I wish I can give the quote a thousand likes. This is one thing that most men fail to understand; Being the head of the house is not just a title but it comes with a huge responsibility which is love. But mba! they will there talking about respect and submission from the woman forgetting that these come naturally to a woman who has experienced love from her husband.

You are one of the strongest women I have heard of lately. Thanks and keep being the best

Davida33:

What you are saying is not making sense, so only a man can spend his money on the family and not the woman. Grow up son

I didn't say only a man should spend his money. I am saying, a man should not bank on the money his wife has. Grow up boy. I'm not your son. That I am not married doesn't mean I am not old enough to. I've got friends who are married and I feel it isn't for me... At least not yet. Or maybe never. I like my peace of mind as I really can't see into the future and know in totality who I am getting married to. If you cannot single handedly take care of a family as a man and are hoping to bank on your wife's money, you probably shouldn't go into marriage. We love to live by the bible here but only pick what suits us. Men in the bible era took sole care of their families and the wives prepared meals brought home by the men... If your wife makes money and brings it home and willingly gives access, awesome. You don't bank on it most especially not in a clime like Africa or Nigeria where we know how things can get.

Madam, the fear of God is no longer in your husband that's why he is behaving that way. And what happened to your own personal relationship with God? The devil has broken into your home dear. He is using your husband to accomplish his mission. Your husband was not like this before right? Download this movie and watch it immediately "War room". Do the same thing she did in that movie. Fight this battle madam and chase the devil away from your home.

olabrinks:
Don’t marry for love marry for money. We have been saying this for centuries. Let them call you a goldigger, let them shame you, you will have the last laugh. What is a man, when he doesn’t have money? What can he do for you? What kind of husband will he be, and how can he provide for his future children? What is potiential, everybody in this world has potiential. You need to see monetary proof that he can lead a home. Think with your brain and not your heart, you will avoid many problems. You will grow to love a man who is a stable provider, you will grow out of love with a man who is a stable broke ass. This is not the generation of building with a man, if a man ain’t got money today, he will 90% not have tomorrow. At least when the man gives you problems (which is 100% certain), you will have stability in regards to finances which is One less problem to deal with. A word is enough for the wise.

Aunty I can tell you names of ladies that their husbands are worthy to the teeth, yet they are regular patients in the hospital.So stop stressing in the money,money and money

If what you've said is totally true, i will commend you for been supportive financially. I don't agree that your husband is not doing his best financially, like you said, his salary is only enough to pay for house rent and school fees for 4 kids. It's a good thing you know this is all his salary can cover. Honestly, I am very happy both of you compliment each other well in terms of finance. Where I think the problem lies is that you both don't appreciate each others effort. You think he should be doing more even though you know he is not earning enough and he thinks you are not doing enough. If you can sit him down and talk to him. Tell him you are aware he spends all of his salary on house rent and school and you appreciate that. Also tell him that you spend all your earning on taking care of the home and it hurts you that he is not appreciative of your efforts. Madam, I must tell you one truth, financial responsibilities in most homes now are shared between husbands and wives. The only difference from your situation is that you both don't think your partner is doing enough despite the fact that you both know how much you earn. It's more like you are expecting your partner to spend more than he earns. I swear both of una dey try, just appreciate each other more. God willing, things will improve in time.

sexylassie2:


you are goal oriented, I spend all your life following you.

your type are the ones we women should love with all their life(no future ambition)

u r ryt. d reasin u were begin 2 be a baby mama afta wastin ur youthful age. cheap gurl

Ladycewhy:
our mothers of old were only good at one thing ------ putting up with bullshits

Thats the difference between women of old and this present day women. In the past women were trapped in marriages by tradition . Infact in my tribe leaving your husband's house for whatever reason was a shame on your family,so women learnt to die in silence and stay put. Coupled with lack of education and resources ,these women had no where to go to fend for their kids and even family members were not ready to render help as divourcees were seen as a reproach that should not be associated with.


Now ,I think if we add men wh0re in the LGBT community to gigolos littered every corner of the country, I think they are giving runs girls a run for their monies .


And also,if you want to talk of extortion and fraud we know the Yahoo boys dorminate that field both home and abroad come on now .


Anyway. I hope the op finds her peace cos if she dies the children she doesn't want to suffer will be left at the mercy of her irresponsible husband and probably a step mother to add to the torture of the children. Have a nice day.

Quiet hilarious, well maybe our old mothers were gud @ handling bullshit from men buh you must agree they were really superb @ birthing & raising good & reputable men .. if ten reputable icons were to be selected today, 8 out of 10 are raised by the so called "old school mothers".
Our grannies might not be educated buh 90% of them are wiser than the educated 1st class women of today, its takes wisdom to build a polygamous home n most survived, that telks a wife needs wisdom to build her home. not bsc, msc or phd that women of today flaunt as claim to equality.
That men own more properties, companies and wealth shuld tell you men are more hard working, a quick reference to forbes drawing a comparism tells women are actually the lazy ones.
It funny how any man found under extortion as a botanical name, he is either a yahooboy, gigolo or policeman buh women found under extortion av a unified name ...called "WOMEN"
I hope Op home find peace and a changed man cos nothing gud about been lonely or alone. peace ma'am

abigail11:
Madam, the fear of God is no longer in your husband that's why he is behaving that way. And what happened to your own personal relationship with God? The devil has broken into your home dear. He is using your husband to accomplish his mission. Your husband was not like this before right? Download this movie and watch it immediately "War room". Do the same thing she did in that movie. Fight this battle madam and chase the devil away from your home.

Devil is in his corner minding his business and we
keep calling his name.

INDUSTRIALFAN:
I didn't say only a man should spend his money. I am saying, a man should not bank on the money his wife has. Grow up boy. I'm not your son. That I am not married doesn't mean I am not old enough to. I've got friends who are married and I feel it isn't for me... At least not yet. Or maybe never. I like my peace of mind as I really can't see into the future and know in totality who I am getting married to. If you cannot single handedly take care of a family as a man and are hoping to bank on your wife's money, you probably shouldn't go into marriage. We love to live by the bible here but only pick what suits us. Men in the bible era took sole care of their families and the wives prepared meals brought home by the men... If your wife makes money and brings it home and willingly gives access, awesome. You don't bank on it most especially not in a clime like Africa or Nigeria where we know how things can get.

You are still not making sense, in the old days women don't work but their major responsibility is to care for the family while the man provide for the family but we all Know that has changed now as women now work and can provide for the family.

When you are married, you become one with you wife and this mean whatever you owned become your wife own and vice versa. If your wife don't have that understanding, there will be issues in the marriage because she will think she is doing you a favor by providing for the family but it's a shared responsibility.

PrimadonnaO:


Okay, now you sound like someone I know. I could have sworn it was him typing this...

I’ll screengrab and send to him!

I hope he's someone you love

Nwodosis:
It is obvious you are not the talking type but the writing type, we have read your version, how do we get your husband's version? There is no smoke without fire!

At times we don't know what people go through to keep their homes. Reading through the op's post and it felt like someone was writing about me. She is dealing with a bully and a control freak. This are traits of a manipulator.

Davida33:

You are still not making sense, in the old days women don't work but their major responsibility is to care for the family while the man provide for the family but will all Know that has changed now as women now work and can provide for the family.

When you are married, you become one with you wife and this mean whatever you owned become your wife own and vice versa. If your wife don't have that understanding, there will be issues in the marriage because she will think she is doing you a favor by providing for the family but it's a shared responsibility.

Wii he also share in the chores

crackkhaus:

I hope he's someone you love

PrimadonnaO:

That's a yes.

Follow the following advice.
1. Adjust
Now the stark reality you have to face, There is no longer a life of fantasy or of make-believe;
we must come out of the clouds and put our feet firmly on the earth. Your new duties must be accepted.
Now you have realized that your spouse has weaknesses, and the weaknesses which seemed so small
and insignificant during courtship now grow to sizable proportions.
The hour has come for understanding hearts, for self-appraisal, and for good common sense, reasoning, and planning.
Be close to God and he will help you that you won't feel the weight of the burden and one day your husband will experience
a change of heart.
N.B: You might be the only woman that can live with him in peace and love him despite his shortcoming.
The scripture will give you comfort and strength.

It is easy for woman to lift the man's spiritual life, than man lifting woman's spiritual life. You need prayers. What I see in your house , is a house without burning alter. And devil is using it to put trouble in your marriage.
Thank God that, your husband was a Godly man. He can still go back to love God, but challenges of live. Keep on loving him. Always play Christian massages in your house, when he listen to it. He will think to God. May God see you thru this time.

MizJaY:
Sorry for the long message but this lockdown period might favour reading long msgs.

I'm the quiet type so I have never opened mouth to insult my husband during any misunderstanding. Just arguments and my voice may go up a bit trying to explain or clear myself but he will start saying im raising my voice and talking back at him and start saying all sorts of things.

Honestly sometimes I wished I could unleash the anger deep down and screammm but I always have self control. If u sit with him, he will give u a million reasons why I'm not a good wife and if u don't know me well, u will fall for it because he tells it so well. I will not say everything he says is false, but 80% is. Only those that really know me, will know he is d one that has problem. He's too difficult at times.

In an office, there's usually that one person that quarrels with everyone am I right? But I end up being d only person that dat person doesn't quarrel with cos I try as much as possible to avoid quarrels that's just d kind of person I am. Calm and quiet.

When I met my husband NYSC days, he was very close to God, organizing programs in church and handling them. That was the main reason I got close to him cos I wasnt so spiritual and needed someone to help me grow spiritually through life. He told me he was called to be a pastor and that excited me but I'm not seeing that now lol. He's spiritual life is almost zero. And back then, he had nothing, we would spend all my money even to reach his sick mother in the village I would buy all the foodstuff to send to her.

The way he talked he sounded promising that things will get better with him, but today, I still suffer, I have no savings, all my salary is on the house. He works too and earns but he's salary covers rent and the children's school fees finished. I do the rest but he doesn't appreciate the fact that I sacrifice everything I earn to feeding the house. We are family of 6. Everything provision, food, children school snack, fuel for car and gen, gas filing etc etc it's me. And that's how my whole salary will just go fiam.

if I ws getting a little appreciation I for no mind but rather I get insults o. It's my fault that
Money is finished, it's my fault that we have no savings, I don't know how to manage money, I'm hoarding my money etc etc those are d words that come out of his mouth o.

I used to be a beautiful woman but no more, I wear one shoe everyday to work, can't buy myself clothes shoes nothing I had to cut my hair to relieve myself from hair money lol. I'm stressed out thinking of where money will come for feeding when my salary gets finished before month end at times I have to beg my sister or my dad a pensioner or hussle one way or d other. I now developed high bp and today I'm living with hypertension taking drugs everyday. It was my parents that gave my husband d job he's doing today. He is not in talking terms with he's dad n siblings. Before he's mother died, things were not too good between them. My husband likes to always form man of d house and want me to apologise whenever there's a misunderstanding saying that I am d one wrong, I'm always wondering how am always the one wrong and he's not � every time.

Sometimes self I don't know what I did that mks him angry he will just start carrying face. Today makes it a week we are not talking cos he has been carrying face since 7days now, and went to post something on wassap yesterday that a woman that cannot apologise to her husband cannot stay in marriage.

My brothers and sisters if I know of anything I did that I have to apologise for yet I refused to apologise that is making him carry face, may God strike me. If u know I did anything wrong why not come to me and tell me u don't like what I did and tell me what i did rather than carry face up n down. He always does that. At times I do ask him and as usual am always d one at fault. Maybe it's cos I'm a quiet person he's taking me for mumu.

The national anthem now is that because he does not have money that's why I don't respect him the way I'm supposed to. I'm always careful with my word when gisting with him cos make I make mistake say Donald duke is d current governor of rivers state haaa problem don enter and it may spoil d sweet gisting we were having. He go almost insult me and become uninterested in gisting with me again cos i don talk mumu talk.

So how can I handle such man cos if no be say I be quiet person, I for don receive serious beating black and blue from this man cos he has done it earlier on in our marriage not serious beating sha but I had some bruises. If not that my parents are still alive and warned him. Tho he still attempts once in a blue moon I go jus arrange myself. But I'm kind of tired. I have no money cos trust me, if I had, Maybe i for don dey plan my move sef I no dey enjoy marriage life at all

I thought am the only person rocking on this boat. my own husband said am extravagant, that i dont know how to manage money. My salary is 100k monthly, i save like 30k, pay hospital bill for me and my baby, stock the house with food stuff, buy baby foods and cereals, cloth my baby, pay creche bills, assist him in paying house rent and other bills in the house without complaining and still save 6000 weekly from the extra money i make at the office. he said he married me not to be stagnant but i contribute more 50% on any project, still am not doing enough and i dont regard and respect him. He said people outside and my family thinks am an Angel but they dont know that am the most stubborn person on earth. I apologies for his wrong doings and he does no wrong and will never apologies. Prefers talking and sharing his problems with women outside but not with me. Even when he is caught cheating, am the cause. So many things that i cant state but i know God will keep strengthening me.

Nwodosis:
It is obvious you are not the talking type but the writing type, we have read your version, how do we get your husband's version? There is no smoke without fire!

. Wise fellow

MizJaY:
Sorry for the long message but this lockdown period might favour reading long msgs.

I'm the quiet type so I have never opened mouth to insult my husband during any misunderstanding. Just arguments and my voice may go up a bit trying to explain or clear myself but he will start saying im raising my voice and talking back at him and start saying all sorts of things.

Honestly sometimes I wished I could unleash the anger deep down and screammm but I always have self control. If u sit with him, he will give u a million reasons why I'm not a good wife and if u don't know me well, u will fall for it because he tells it so well. I will not say everything he says is false, but 80% is. Only those that really know me, will know he is d one that has problem. He's too difficult at times.

In an office, there's usually that one person that quarrels with everyone am I right? But I end up being d only person that dat person doesn't quarrel with cos I try as much as possible to avoid quarrels that's just d kind of person I am. Calm and quiet.

When I met my husband NYSC days, he was very close to God, organizing programs in church and handling them. That was the main reason I got close to him cos I wasnt so spiritual and needed someone to help me grow spiritually through life. He told me he was called to be a pastor and that excited me but I'm not seeing that now lol. He's spiritual life is almost zero. And back then, he had nothing, we would spend all my money even to reach his sick mother in the village I would buy all the foodstuff to send to her.

The way he talked he sounded promising that things will get better with him, but today, I still suffer, I have no savings, all my salary is on the house. He works too and earns but he's salary covers rent and the children's school fees finished. I do the rest but he doesn't appreciate the fact that I sacrifice everything I earn to feeding the house. We are family of 6. Everything provision, food, children school snack, fuel for car and gen, gas filing etc etc it's me. And that's how my whole salary will just go fiam.

if I ws getting a little appreciation I for no mind but rather I get insults o. It's my fault that
Money is finished, it's my fault that we have no savings, I don't know how to manage money, I'm hoarding my money etc etc those are d words that come out of his mouth o.

I used to be a beautiful woman but no more, I wear one shoe everyday to work, can't buy myself clothes shoes nothing I had to cut my hair to relieve myself from hair money lol. I'm stressed out thinking of where money will come for feeding when my salary gets finished before month end at times I have to beg my sister or my dad a pensioner or hussle one way or d other. I now developed high bp and today I'm living with hypertension taking drugs everyday. It was my parents that gave my husband d job he's doing today. He is not in talking terms with he's dad n siblings. Before he's mother died, things were not too good between them. My husband likes to always form man of d house and want me to apologise whenever there's a misunderstanding saying that I am d one wrong, I'm always wondering how am always the one wrong and he's not � every time.

Sometimes self I don't know what I did that mks him angry he will just start carrying face. Today makes it a week we are not talking cos he has been carrying face since 7days now, and went to post something on wassap yesterday that a woman that cannot apologise to her husband cannot stay in marriage.

My brothers and sisters if I know of anything I did that I have to apologise for yet I refused to apologise that is making him carry face, may God strike me. If u know I did anything wrong why not come to me and tell me u don't like what I did and tell me what i did rather than carry face up n down. He always does that. At times I do ask him and as usual am always d one at fault. Maybe it's cos I'm a quiet person he's taking me for mumu.

The national anthem now is that because he does not have money that's why I don't respect him the way I'm supposed to. I'm always careful with my word when gisting with him cos make I make mistake say Donald duke is d current governor of rivers state haaa problem don enter and it may spoil d sweet gisting we were having. He go almost insult me and become uninterested in gisting with me again cos i don talk mumu talk.

So how can I handle such man cos if no be say I be quiet person, I for don receive serious beating black and blue from this man cos he has done it earlier on in our marriage not serious beating sha but I had some bruises. If not that my parents are still alive and warned him. Tho he still attempts once in a blue moon I go jus arrange myself. But I'm kind of tired. I have no money cos trust me, if I had, Maybe i for don dey plan my move sef I no dey enjoy marriage life at all

What you described here was the kalabari man i was married too.the only difference is he was xtremely violent and sleeps around.this man gave me the worst 8years of my life.turned me into a shadow of myself that i even became sucidal.he would beat me and beat his children that he almost blinded his son because of maths homework. My sister,RUN! That man will never change.grownups dont change easily and if he eventually becomes rich tomrw he will see u as a woman not fit to enjoy his wealth. Im now living peacefully on my own with my kids, how i was able to save 3million in my savings is still a mystery.i eat what i want and wake up without quarell.im fatter,healthier,happier and i have a new man who doesnt Joke with me oh. Walk away sister before ur life is cut short.so many untrained men walking around the earth's surface looking for innocent women to kill.

I know you only asked women for advice.However let me give my two cents on this. Your husband doesn't respect you and I think this is from a position of inferiority complex. I think you two should see a marriage counsellor(not a church counsellor oh). You both need someone that will let you talk truth to each other. In essence, you need a safe place where you will be able to trash the issues each spouse have with the other spouse.
You might think this is not necessary. Even if you are going to separate or divorce you both need to learn to be good parents to your kids. I wish you the best.

MizJaY:
Sorry for the long message but this lockdown period might favour reading long msgs.

I'm the quiet type so I have never opened mouth to insult my husband during any misunderstanding. Just arguments and my voice may go up a bit trying to explain or clear myself but he will start saying im raising my voice and talking back at him and start saying all sorts of things.

Honestly sometimes I wished I could unleash the anger deep down and screammm but I always have self control. If u sit with him, he will give u a million reasons why I'm not a good wife and if u don't know me well, u will fall for it because he tells it so well. I will not say everything he says is false, but 80% is. Only those that really know me, will know he is d one that has problem. He's too difficult at times.

In an office, there's usually that one person that quarrels with everyone am I right? But I end up being d only person that dat person doesn't quarrel with cos I try as much as possible to avoid quarrels that's just d kind of person I am. Calm and quiet.

When I met my husband NYSC days, he was very close to God, organizing programs in church and handling them. That was the main reason I got close to him cos I wasnt so spiritual and needed someone to help me grow spiritually through life. He told me he was called to be a pastor and that excited me but I'm not seeing that now lol. He's spiritual life is almost zero. And back then, he had nothing, we would spend all my money even to reach his sick mother in the village I would buy all the foodstuff to send to her.

The way he talked he sounded promising that things will get better with him, but today, I still suffer, I have no savings, all my salary is on the house. He works too and earns but he's salary covers rent and the children's school fees finished. I do the rest but he doesn't appreciate the fact that I sacrifice everything I earn to feeding the house. We are family of 6. Everything provision, food, children school snack, fuel for car and gen, gas filing etc etc it's me. And that's how my whole salary will just go fiam.

if I ws getting a little appreciation I for no mind but rather I get insults o. It's my fault that
Money is finished, it's my fault that we have no savings, I don't know how to manage money, I'm hoarding my money etc etc those are d words that come out of his mouth o.

I used to be a beautiful woman but no more, I wear one shoe everyday to work, can't buy myself clothes shoes nothing I had to cut my hair to relieve myself from hair money lol. I'm stressed out thinking of where money will come for feeding when my salary gets finished before month end at times I have to beg my sister or my dad a pensioner or hussle one way or d other. I now developed high bp and today I'm living with hypertension taking drugs everyday. It was my parents that gave my husband d job he's doing today. He is not in talking terms with he's dad n siblings. Before he's mother died, things were not too good between them. My husband likes to always form man of d house and want me to apologise whenever there's a misunderstanding saying that I am d one wrong, I'm always wondering how am always the one wrong and he's not � every time.

Sometimes self I don't know what I did that mks him angry he will just start carrying face. Today makes it a week we are not talking cos he has been carrying face since 7days now, and went to post something on wassap yesterday that a woman that cannot apologise to her husband cannot stay in marriage.

My brothers and sisters if I know of anything I did that I have to apologise for yet I refused to apologise that is making him carry face, may God strike me. If u know I did anything wrong why not come to me and tell me u don't like what I did and tell me what i did rather than carry face up n down. He always does that. At times I do ask him and as usual am always d one at fault. Maybe it's cos I'm a quiet person he's taking me for mumu.

The national anthem now is that because he does not have money that's why I don't respect him the way I'm supposed to. I'm always careful with my word when gisting with him cos make I make mistake say Donald duke is d current governor of rivers state haaa problem don enter and it may spoil d sweet gisting we were having. He go almost insult me and become uninterested in gisting with me again cos i don talk mumu talk.

So how can I handle such man cos if no be say I be quiet person, I for don receive serious beating black and blue from this man cos he has done it earlier on in our marriage not serious beating sha but I had some bruises. If not that my parents are still alive and warned him. Tho he still attempts once in a blue moon I go jus arrange myself. But I'm kind of tired. I have no money cos trust me, if I had, Maybe i for don dey plan my move sef I no dey enjoy marriage life at all

Mutaultope:



Am not talking about bringing your mother into your marriage , if at all you can go to your mother for advice , you can find someone (godly ) who has the experience and still in marriage

PRE 1960? does that mean all pre 1960 mothers went through violence and all sorts ? marriages have different challenges ...... stay in it and fight it out

YES , it takes two to tangle ( was only staying in the range of the story )



NUMBERS OF SINGLE MOTHERS WILL MULTIPLY in the coming years ......

I used 1980 as an example and i never used all but most to depict a percentage that had a varying degree of issues, the same way mother is an anology.

Yes fight for your marriage,i agree with you but choose your battles as some are not worth it for example domestic abuse because she did mention bruises in her story tomorrow it might be kitchen knife stabbing done by either of them.

Being a single mother is a choice and it has already multiplied plus most of them were not married in the first place.The same way there are single fathers as well.