₦airaland Forum

Obingene:
I agree and disagree on some points.

Yustash001:
Why is that when some women suddenly become richer than their husband...
They start to develop wings..

TonyeBarcanista:
Old woman, I'm good!

Why you de pressurise that OP to look your side?

tunmiluabi:
My story is quite long, please run through with patience.

I married my wife about 11 years ago. By the way I am 46 years old. Before I married my wife, I was not doing well neither was my wife. She was working with a multinational company, earning an equivalent of N40,000. I had a small graphic design business after trying many times to find a good job. I looked for jobs and contracts without any respite. But At this this time, my wife's support was good and I did appreciate every bit of it. At lest we survived on the low...

As time went on, I got a job in one international corporate training company as a Statistics and Business Analysis Instructor, was earning about 90,000 naira. During the times before I got my job, we had accumulated debt and my new job provided us an opportunity to pay them up.

We decided we were going to save part of her salary every month for servicing the debt and save the rest for a rainy day. I was supposed to pay the rent and all other domestic bills, light, kids school fees etc.. Some time she helped with food/groceries. After sometime, she advised we move to a bigger apartment. We still had a daughter by then. I obliged and we did.

To cut the story short, after four years of working, the company folded up because of government policies and we were all laid off. This meant we had to prepare for the hard life ahead. It was hectic and devastating. Me being me, I took it with all sense of grace and hope things will be fine. But the more I thought about this the worse things got. One day out of curiosity I asked my wife if it would be nice to have another child and she advised it was not the best time. I understood and agreed. I then advised my wife if we could start a business and with some savings we had, maybe I could use it to enhance my former business, maybe things might be better this time. She did not show any interest. This time I discovered changes in my wife.

One day she asked me if she could use part of them money to do a course, honestly I was shocked but asked why she did not oblige to my own request. She said "its my money I can use it for whatever I want". My wife however did the course.

To cut the story short, 3 years down the line, my wife stopped having sex with me and this continued for a long time. I became like "shit in her eyes". I lost a bit of confidence though. she would wake me with insults and barrage of dirty words. Because of our child, I agreed to stay a home and try to work online and seek clients and jobs from old client. It was not bad but not promising.

Fortunately for us, my wife got a promotion and her salary was increased to about 170,000. This actually brought out the worst in my wife. Her calmness disappeared and all decorum was buried. We would quarrel everyday and not talk for weeks. She became really mean and controlled everything at home. Please note, she is not a bad woman but can't explain the reasons up till date. I was with no option but to query her sincerity as a wife and that continued for a long time. Our sex life became zero, she would tell me having sex would make her pregnant and was not ready for a second child. Her stories kept on changing and became even worse, rather than coming home she would pass by her mom and be there till late in the night before coming home.

After about 3 years of trying to get something to do, I finally got a place on the island sometime in February 2018, where I would be paid a stipend of 50,000. In addition, I would use my free time to design, print and sell business cards to small companies. The overall income was small but enough for some immediate obligations at home. But to be fair, that was the best I could get since I have not had money in a long time. Unfortunately my wages were not consistent due to challenges the company was facing. But I used the Business card printing to augment wherever possible.

Later in 2018 around September, I discovered that my wife had been having an illicit engagement. She had a male fried and I finally got to know about it and confronted her. She did not deny it, she begged and I forgave her. Anyway, I had made up my mind to forgive because of the kid and I never told anyone till date. Moreover, since we were not making love that was of course enough reason for the drastic measure, I told myself. To be sincere I had lost feeling for my wife and sex was difficult. We finally started having sex but I had little to offer her. I would pretend and even have to watch Indecency to be able to have sex with her. I was dead inside. At least my wife was still with me. That was my solace. I guess trust was broken. She however continued with her escapades. The quarrels increased and got worse. There and then name calling became our breakfast and dinner. She advised that since I would never look at her the same and bringing little or nothing to the table that I was free to go. The quarrels went on for quite some time, my wife will go very violent on me some of the times. I am marshal artist with black belt and I have great restraint - for me, fighting and going violent on her was never on the table. One day I thought there was a need to move out and I did indicated to her that I was not comfortable living with her anymore.. That wherever I am, I will see how I can take care of the kids.

She did not care and things became difficult for me. I felt maybe I could stay for sometime, It might be a difficult condition but still not impossible. This became my Achilles heels. There and then I knew my relationship had broken and irreparable. I accepted there was nothing I could, but to be patient and tried to convince myself about our situations and believed our situation was bad, but God’s willing we would overcome. The fight even got worse and became very violent and physical, I would normally just take the beating or hold her hands to avoid any injuries.

The quarrels was beginning to be in the glare of my Kids and since it was not abating, there was little I could do to change the situation. I finally made up my mind on the 19th of May 2019 to move out, but actually moved out on the 30th of May, 2019. Before then on the 26th of May, 2019, I discovered my wife was again engaging in the illicit affair. She would claim she was going to church only to be found at a different location. Honestly I can’t blame her, I blame myself and the situation that caused the demise of our once cherished marriage. At this point in time I realised I had lost and had no fight in me anymore. My kids are still very young. Everyday quarrels, lack of sincere engagement, denials upon denials and her fear of facing her “DEMON” with little chance of her understanding the consequence of her actions - I was left with no choice but to stop FIGHTING. I had no fight left in me. The ultimate decision was to leave. I did not inform her parent about the issue because I had indicated to her I did not want them to look at her differently.

God so good, I got a 500,000 Naira job through a friend in an oil company with a 3bedroon in Lekki fully paid up for 3years by the company. By the way, I am Data Analyst but never practiced for a long time. I studied Computer engineering but for a long time grace did not smile on me. I take care of my kid and I really don't hate her and I am at peace with everything. She still has her job and doing well.

Please note that she did not tell me to leave, I left on my own volition. I could not share the same bed with my wife anymore she apparently could not muster enough strength to stop all iniquities for a conversation that will help see things through. Rather she is turning to blame it on me. We have however resolved to part on a friendly note for the sake of our child.

My reason for posting this is because most us sit behind the desk and computers and do not understood the demons everyone is battling. On a bad day, the best husbands are MONSTER, while the best wives are DEVILS. When we make judgment as males or female. We should not forget about our female child/children, same goes for the male child. I don't know what my wife tells people about what happened but I really don't care and I have made up my mind never to defend myself.

Thanks for reading.

Tunmi

listowell:
For better for worst.

Toonice:
Guy, Success is the best revenge.

My wife told my kids am dead while am still alive.

PrimadonnaO:
The Bible never said to remarry, except one’s spouse dies.

Obingene:
You people and money, are you people totally useless without money? Because I am not and never been.

Come on, there is more to life now. I studied Economics and many a times, I have broken this thing called money. It's a reward for value, it's also a means to an end and there are so many factors that determine its availability or scarcity.

I'm tired hearing about money issues everytime. Haba! It's that why you came to earth? To make money and just leave?

Listen everyone, if money is the main resource you have to offer people, then you are just like a candle in d wind, you will be blown out soon and forgotten.

Finally, if anyone disrespects you because of money, walk away from that person.

The circular flow of income shows that money can never be at a place at a particular time, more so, now we have leaders to hoard and keep wealth meant for everyone to themselves.

I conclude with this, if as a guy or a lady, you know you would disrespect your spouse in eventuality that they become broke, please don't marry, or better still, leave the relationship.

Leave and find your pot of gold.

Ybaby:
And to the man he said the ground is cursed because of you. All your life you will struggle to scratch a living from it.

Genesis 3:17

1 Timothy 5:8 ESV / 147 helpful votes
But if anymann does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

2 Thessalonians 3:10 ESV / 91 helpful votes
For even when we were with you, we would give you this command: If anyone is not willing to work, let him not eat.

Genesis 2:15 ESV / 65 helpful votes
The Lord God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to work it and keep it.

Colossians 3:23 ESV / 41 helpful votes
Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men,

1 Thessalonians 4:11-12 ESV / 35 helpful votes
And to aspire to live quietly, and to mind your own affairs, and to work with your hands, as we instructed you, so that you may walk properly before outsiders and be dependent on no one.

Romans 12:19 ESV / 35 helpful votes
Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.”

Proverbs 10:4 ESV / 31 helpful votes
A slack hand causes poverty, but the hand of the diligent makes rich.

2 Thessalonians 3:7-9 ESV / 30 helpful votes
For you yourselves know how you ought to imitate us, because we were not idle when we were with you, nor did we eat anyone's bread without paying for it, but with toil and labor we worked night and day, that we might not be a burden to any of you. It was not because we do not have that right, but to give you in ourselves an example to imitate.

Proverbs 22:29 ESV / 28 helpful votes
Do you see a man skillful in his work? He will stand before kings; he will not stand before obscure men.

2 Thessalonians 3:12 ESV / 24 helpful votes
Now such persons we command and encourage in the Lord Jesus Christ to do their work quietly and to earn their own living.

Ephesians 4:28 ESV / 23 helpful votes Helpful Not Helpful
Let the thief no longer steal, but rather let him labor, doing honest work with his own hands, so that he may have something to share with anyone in need.

Mypeople2:
Presently I am thinking of who to marry so that I will have peace of mind but the stories I read from Nairaland these days are something else .
Please I really want to plead, if you know you have been married for ten years and above , and your marriage is still very romantic, please kindly share your experiences and how you have been able to cope all through this period .The moderator will take your story to front page .Please do that for those still single

Ybaby:
Check the original post for what worst looks like- these women abhoring infidels are beating them and cheating on them - infidels are suffering in the hands of these pickme ladies.

So if you want the worst to happen then prepare for it.

First learn how to create a topic so you can gist us on how they hit your head on a wall.

Mypeople2:
Babe afar na ? I know you a beautiful lady but why are you talking like this ? A man can have today but tomorrow he can be broke .I know of so many oil workers being paid millions but sometimes they will be looking for transportation money .Anything you can count finishes .Even Nigeria as a country borrows money after making a lot of money from crude oil .So please take it easy on us.
By the way, in your quotation include Prov 31;10-end and practice it so that the nice bobo will come for your hand in marriage quickly. Take care

Asour:
Thanks.
But
Saying you don't reply quotes is a bit condescending.
Am I supposed to feel privileged about your response?

This is a social setting (a forum) that allows for back and forth exchange of opinions. people shouldn't have to feel privileged about your response.

Even if you don't answer replies and you decided to reply mine, you don't have to say it. especially since I never disrespected you. it's condescending.

Thanks for the response though. I appreciate.
Cheers.

SweetCunt97:
Hahaahahaahahaha.... Him don die be that na

tunmiluabi:
My story is quite long, please run through with patience.

I married my wife about 11 years ago. By the way I am 46 years old. Before I married my wife, I was not doing well neither was my wife. She was working with a multinational company, earning an equivalent of N40,000. I had a small graphic design business after trying many times to find a good job. I looked for jobs andQQ,Q contracts without any respite. But At this this time, my wife's support was good and I did appreciate every bit of it. At lest we survived on the low...

As time went on, I got a job in one international corporate training company as a Statistics and Business Analysis Instructor, was earning about 90,000 naira. During the times before I got my job, we had accumulated debt and my new job provided us an opportunity to pay them up.

We decided we were going to save part of her salary every month for servicing the debt and save the rest for a rainy day. I was supposed to pay the rent and all other domestic bills, light, kids school fees etc.. Some time she helped with food/groceries. After sometime, she advised we move to a bigger apartment. We still had a daughter by then. I obliged and we did.

To cut the story short, after four years of working, the company folded up because of government policies and we were all laid off. This meant we had to prepare for the hard life ahead. It was hectic and devastating. Me being me, I took it with all sense of grace and hope things will be fine. But the more I thought about this the worse things got. One day out of curiosity I asked my wife if it would be nice to have another child and she advised it was not the best time. I understood and agreed. I then advised my wife if we could start a business and with some savings we had, maybe I could use it to enhance my former business, maybe things might be better this time. She did not show any interest. This time I discovered changes in my wife.

One day she asked me if she could use part of them money to do a course, honestly I was shocked but asked why she did not oblige to my own request. She said "its my money I can use it for whatever I want". My wife however did the course.

To cut the story short, 3 years down the line, my wife stopped having sex with me and this continued for a long time. I became like "shit in her eyes". I lost a bit of confidence though. she would wake me with insults and barrage of dirty words. Because of our child, I agreed to stay a home and try to work online and seek clients and jobs from old client. It was not bad but not promising.

Fortunately for us, my wife got a promotion and her salary was increased to about 170,000. This actually brought out the worst in my wife. Her calmness disappeared and all decorum was buried. We would quarrel everyday and not talk for weeks. She became really mean and controlled everything at home. Please note, she is not a bad woman but can't explain the reasons up till date. I was with no option but to query her sincerity as a wife and that continued for a long time. Our sex life became zero, she would tell me having sex would make her pregnant and was not ready for a second child. Her stories kept on changing and became even worse, rather than coming home she would pass by her mom and be there till late in the night before coming home.

After about 3 years of trying to get something to do, I finally got a place on the island sometime in February 2018, where I would be paid a stipend of 50,000. In addition, I would use my free time to design, print and sell business cards to small companies. The overall income was small but enough for some immediate obligations at home. But to be fair, that was the best I could get since I have not had money in a long time. Unfortunately my wages were not consistent due to challenges the company was facing. But I used the Business card printing to augment wherever possible.

Later in 2018 around September, I discovered that my wife had been having an illicit engagement. She had a male fried and I finally got to know about it and confronted her. She did not deny it, she begged and I forgave her. Anyway, I had made up my mind to forgive because of the kid and I never told anyone till date. Moreover, since we were not making love that was of course enough reason for the drastic measure, I told myself. To be sincere I had lost feeling for my wife and sex was difficult. We finally started having sex but I had little to offer her. I would pretend and even have to watch Indecency to be able to have sex with her. I was dead inside. At least my wife was still with me. That was my solace. I guess trust was broken. She however continued with her escapades. The quarrels increased and got worse. There and then name calling became our breakfast and dinner. She advised that since I would never look at her the same and bringing little or nothing to the table that I was free to go. The quarrels went on for quite some time, my wife will go very violent on me some of the times. I am marshal artist with black belt and I have great restraint - for me, fighting and going violent on her was never on the table. One day I thought there was a need to move out and I did indicated to her that I was not comfortable living with her anymore.. That wherever I am, I will see how I can take care of the kids.

She did not care and things became difficult for me. I felt maybe I could stay for sometime, It might be a difficult condition but still not impossible. This became my Achilles heels. There and then I knew my relationship had broken and irreparable. I accepted there was nothing I could, but to be patient and tried to convince myself about our situations and believed our situation was bad, but God’s willing we would overcome. The fight even got worse and became very violent and physical, I would normally just take the beating or hold her hands to avoid any injuries.

The quarrels was beginning to be in the glare of my Kids and since it was not abating, there was little I could do to change the situation. I finally made up my mind on the 19th of May 2019 to move out, but actually moved out on the 30th of May, 2019. Before then on the 26th of May, 2019, I discovered my wife was again engaging in the illicit affair. She would claim she was going to church only to be found at a different location. Honestly I can’t blame her, I blame myself and the situation that caused the demise of our once cherished marriage. At this point in time I realised I had lost and had no fight in me anymore. My kids are still very young. Everyday quarrels, lack of sincere engagement, denials upon denials and her fear of facing her “DEMON” with little chance of her understanding the consequence of her actions - I was left with no choice but to stop FIGHTING. I had no fight left in me. The ultimate decision was to leave. I did not inform her parent about the issue because I had indicated to her I did not want them to look at her differently.

God so good, I got a 500,000 Naira job through a friend in an oil company with a 3bedroon in Lekki fully paid up for 3years by the company. By the way, I am Data Analyst but never practiced for a long time. I studied Computer engineering but for a long time grace did not smile on me. I take care of my kid and I really don't hate her and I am at peace with everything. She still has her job and doing well.

Please note that she did not tell me to leave, I left on my own volition. I could not share the same bed with my wife anymore she apparently could not muster enough strength to stop all iniquities for a conversation that will help see things through. Rather she is turning to blame it on me. We have however resolved to part on a friendly note for the sake of our child.

My reason for posting this is because most us sit behind the desk and computers and do not understood the demons everyone is battling. On a bad day, the best husbands are MONSTER, while the best wives are DEVILS. When we make judgment as males or female. We should not forget about our female child/children, same goes for the male child. I don't know what my wife tells people about what happened but I really don't care and I have made up my mind never to defend myself.

Thanks for reading.

Tunmi

listowell:
For better for worse until he gets back to his feet.

He is not even happy he is not capable.

All these guys Coro has wiped their meal tickets, tell their wives to be treating them as infidels.

Ybaby:
19 years married sir to a solid igbo man

Obingene:
Hian!!

Cold shivers ran down my spines as I read this.

I'm so not enthusiastic about marriage anymore.

FreeSpark1:
God will restore ur love and ur family.

Ybaby:
His wife never fed him. When things were bad he took a scale to the market to be checking people weight to make ends meet.

His wife did not give him money.

The bible that said a man should provide for his family must be dark too

daft man

Mypeople2:
That is nice.So if he becomes liquid won't you still respect him ?

tunmiluabi:
Life is strange... Turning my child against me is not an an issue for me. What I do believe is that any act of betrayal will always repeat itself no matter how hidden it might. I have seen it and I know it. The truth is that, even if my child does not see me as father in the future... I will die a happy man knowing that I had the strength to walk away.

djon78:
His wife was way above him in class. She was from an influential family in Nnewi, I know her family very well.
They never belonged to same class.
Cos was serious nwa ogbenye. Poor of the poor. Wretched.

So her people never wanted him. In fact he was chased away when he went to ask for her hand in marriage.
The woman accepted him despite all this. That's why they are very close.
He doesn't play with her.

They started from nothing.
Your ideology is a very dark and evil one.
I wonder the igbo man that will marry such a woman like you.
Our women don't behave like this.
We train them properly. Maybe na audio igbo man that is marrying you, in your dreams.
.
I don't even look at a woman's money
A woman can't even feed me
When my dad in his seventies can still doll out better cash to his children talk less of taking excellent care of his wife. Na me no go spoil my woman?
Even my sisters are married to men taking excellent care of them, but they have there own money too and sometimes support there family.

They were going on summer vacation with children. My sister told her husband to fashy that she will buy there flight ticket for every member of the family.
Her oga was shocked and surprised.

Woman I have been reading your comments and you are dark, evil, a gold digger extraordinary.
In fact all you claimed here are audio to me. And you got no class by the kind of reply you have been giving here.

faithfull18:
Hmmn, this sounds like fiction. [/b]I don't support divorce but if adultery is involved with evidences, then separation is advised. Biblically, either partners are expected not to marry again but you know in our present world, we read and act upside down[b].

Ybaby:
He will always have. Not by might but grace of God.

If he lost everything today he will back up with 3 months I know my man. He is a fighter, a visionary, a true king, a man of faith, AKIN!

Maduawuchukwu:
He said his wife committed adultery. As in, she started maintaining a lover. So he should still go back to her?

Ybaby:
Pls infidel ... leave me be.

Does the bible have to tell you to provide for own children if not a case of being daft

pls let me be

djon78:
His wife was way above him in class. She was from an influential family in Nnewi, I know her family very well.
They never belonged to same class.
Cos was serious nwa ogbenye. Poor of the poor. Wretched.

So her people never wanted him. In fact he was chased away when he went to ask for her hand in marriage.
The woman accepted him despite all this. That's why they are very close.
He doesn't play with her.

They started from nothing.
Your ideology is a very dark and evil one.
I wonder the igbo man that will marry such a woman like you.
Our women don't behave like this.
We train them properly. Maybe na audio igbo man that is marrying you, in your dreams.
.
I don't even look at a woman's money
A woman can't even feed me
When my dad in his seventies can still doll out better cash to his children talk less of taking excellent care of his wife. Na me no go spoil my woman?
Even my sisters are married to men taking excellent care of them, but they have there own money too and sometimes support there family.

They were going on summer vacation with children. My sister told her husband to fashy that she will buy there flight ticket for every member of the family.
Her oga was shocked and surprised.

Woman I have been reading your comments and you are dark, evil, a gold digger extraordinary.
In fact all you claimed here are audio to me. And you got no class by the kind of reply you have been giving here.