chocolatelady:
Tears fell from my eyes as I read ur piece. One thing is sure, u are a very matured man and I admire that about u. Thank God that the Good Lord who sees ur heart has given u a better job. Congratulations my brother. For now, focus on ur job, she will one day realize her mistakes. But please, I beg u not think of marrying another wife. The devil u know is better than the angel u don’t know. Give ur wife some space, she will come up one day.
For the women out there claiming that they have arrived becos they earn more than their hussy. Pls be careful, hard times does not last only tough people do. God can decide the change ur husband situation at any time. What will u now say, how can u cover up ur inadequacies when the guy does not have enough ?
Congratulations once more, it isn’t well !

So you can make sense like this?

I'm impressed.

Modified:
Sorry, I mistook you for the other lady CHoccolaTE

You are the good version, she is d ... Version

Yoighaman:


International coporate training company, he said.

...and by the way, YES, a school is a business and can fold up if not properly managed.

Stop quoting me cos the guy has modified what he wrote there before it hit FP.

chiomzy86:
learn to pray for your marriage as the head of the family..it will save you alot..you would hv reported her too to her family, to talk to her..lastly she has her own side of the story, maybe you treated her bad,or cheated on her and women dont forget easily..

no be only pray. Who prays reach women? Still....na them we dey discuss.

Not everyone can be called a wife,no bar no love. but thank God u don join the choplife crew. Bless up

Ybaby:



And to the man he said the ground is cursed because of you. All your life you will struggle to scratch a living from it.

Genesis 3:17

1 Timothy 5:8 ESV / 147 helpful votes
But if anymann does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

2 Thessalonians 3:10 ESV / 91 helpful votes
For even when we were with you, we would give you this command: If anyone is not willing to work, let him not eat.

Genesis 2:15 ESV / 65 helpful votes
The Lord God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to work it and keep it.

Colossians 3:23 ESV / 41 helpful votes
Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men,

1 Thessalonians 4:11-12 ESV / 35 helpful votes
And to aspire to live quietly, and to mind your own affairs, and to work with your hands, as we instructed you, so that you may walk properly before outsiders and be dependent on no one.

Romans 12:19 ESV / 35 helpful votes
Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.”

Proverbs 10:4 ESV / 31 helpful votes
A slack hand causes poverty, but the hand of the diligent makes rich.

2 Thessalonians 3:7-9 ESV / 30 helpful votes
For you yourselves know how you ought to imitate us, because we were not idle when we were with you, nor did we eat anyone's bread without paying for it, but with toil and labor we worked night and day, that we might not be a burden to any of you. It was not because we do not have that right, but to give you in ourselves an example to imitate.

Proverbs 22:29 ESV / 28 helpful votes
Do you see a man skillful in his work? He will stand before kings; he will not stand before obscure men.

2 Thessalonians 3:12 ESV / 24 helpful votes
Now such persons we command and encourage in the Lord Jesus Christ to do their work quietly and to earn their own living.

Ephesians 4:28 ESV / 23 helpful votes Helpful Not Helpful
Let the thief no longer steal, but rather let him labor, doing honest work with his own hands, so that he may have something to share with anyone in need.

U go worse pass d poster wife!

TonyeBarcanista:



Na by force ni? Has it gotten to this level?

Old man
Haffar

tunmiluabi:
My story is quite long, please run through with patience.

I married my wife about 11 years ago. By the way I am 46 years old. Before I married my wife, I was not doing well neither was my wife. She was working with a multinational company, earning an equivalent of N40,000. I had a small graphic design business after trying many times to find a good job. I looked for jobs and contracts without any respite. But At this this time, my wife's support was good and I did appreciate every bit of it. At lest we survived on the low...

As time went on, I got a job in one international corporate training company as a Statistics and Business Analysis Instructor, was earning about 90,000 naira. During the times before I got my job, we had accumulated debt and my new job provided us an opportunity to pay them up.

We decided we were going to save part of her salary every month for servicing the debt and save the rest for a rainy day. I was supposed to pay the rent and all other domestic bills, light, kids school fees etc.. Some time she helped with food/groceries. After sometime, she advised we move to a bigger apartment. We still had a daughter by then. I obliged and we did.

To cut the story short, after four years of working, the company folded up because of government policies and we were all laid off. This meant we had to prepare for the hard life ahead. It was hectic and devastating. Me being me, I took it with all sense of grace and hope things will be fine. But the more I thought about this the worse things got. One day out of curiosity I asked my wife if it would be nice to have another child and she advised it was not the best time. I understood and agreed. I then advised my wife if we could start a business and with some savings we had, maybe I could use it to enhance my former business, maybe things might be better this time. She did not show any interest. This time I discovered changes in my wife.

One day she asked me if she could use part of them money to do a course, honestly I was shocked but asked why she did not oblige to my own request. She said "its my money I can use it for whatever I want". My wife however did the course.

To cut the story short, 3 years down the line, my wife stopped having sex with me and this continued for a long time. I became like "shit in her eyes". I lost a bit of confidence though. she would wake me with insults and barrage of dirty words. Because of our child, I agreed to stay a home and try to work online and seek clients and jobs from old client. It was not bad but not promising.

Fortunately for us, my wife got a promotion and her salary was increased to about 170,000. This actually brought out the worst in my wife. Her calmness disappeared and all decorum was buried. We would quarrel everyday and not talk for weeks. She became really mean and controlled everything at home. Please note, she is not a bad woman but can't explain the reasons up till date. I was with no option but to query her sincerity as a wife and that continued for a long time. Our sex life became zero, she would tell me having sex would make her pregnant and was not ready for a second child. Her stories kept on changing and became even worse, rather than coming home she would pass by her mom and be there till late in the night before coming home.

After about 3 years of trying to get something to do, I finally got a place on the island sometime in February 2018, where I would be paid a stipend of 50,000. In addition, I would use my free time to design, print and sell business cards to small companies. The overall income was small but enough for some immediate obligations at home. But to be fair, that was the best I could get since I have not had money in a long time. Unfortunately my wages were not consistent due to challenges the company was facing. But I used the Business card printing to augment wherever possible.

Later in 2018 around September, I discovered that my wife had been having an illicit engagement. She had a male fried and I finally got to know about it and confronted her. She did not deny it, she begged and I forgave her. Anyway, I had made up my mind to forgive because of the kid and I never told anyone till date. Moreover, since we were not making love that was of course enough reason for the drastic measure, I told myself. To be sincere I had lost feeling for my wife and sex was difficult. We finally started having sex but I had little to offer her. I would pretend and even have to watch Indecency to be able to have sex with her. I was dead inside. At least my wife was still with me. That was my solace. I guess trust was broken. She however continued with her escapades. The quarrels increased and got worse. There and then name calling became our breakfast and dinner. She advised that since I would never look at her the same and bringing little or nothing to the table that I was free to go. The quarrels went on for quite some time, my wife will go very violent on me some of the times. I am marshal artist with black belt and I have great restraint - for me, fighting and going violent on her was never on the table. One day I thought there was a need to move out and I did indicated to her that I was not comfortable living with her anymore.. That wherever I am, I will see how I can take care of the kids.

She did not care and things became difficult for me. I felt maybe I could stay for sometime, It might be a difficult condition but still not impossible. This became my Achilles heels. There and then I knew my relationship had broken and irreparable. I accepted there was nothing I could, but to be patient and tried to convince myself about our situations and believed our situation was bad, but God’s willing we would overcome. The fight even got worse and became very violent and physical, I would normally just take the beating or hold her hands to avoid any injuries.

The quarrels was beginning to be in the glare of my Kids and since it was not abating, there was little I could do to change the situation. I finally made up my mind on the 19th of May 2019 to move out, but actually moved out on the 30th of May, 2019. Before then on the 26th of May, 2019, I discovered my wife was again engaging in the illicit affair. She would claim she was going to church only to be found at a different location. Honestly I can’t blame her, I blame myself and the situation that caused the demise of our once cherished marriage. At this point in time I realised I had lost and had no fight in me anymore. My kids are still very young. Everyday quarrels, lack of sincere engagement, denials upon denials and her fear of facing her “DEMON” with little chance of her understanding the consequence of her actions - I was left with no choice but to stop FIGHTING. I had no fight left in me. The ultimate decision was to leave. I did not inform her parent about the issue because I had indicated to her I did not want them to look at her differently.

God so good, I got a 500,000 Naira job through a friend in an oil company with a 3bedroon in Lekki fully paid up for 3years by the company. By the way, I am Data Analyst but never practiced for a long time. I studied Computer engineering but for a long time grace did not smile on me. I take care of my kid and I really don't hate her and I am at peace with everything. She still has her job and doing well.

Please note that she did not tell me to leave, I left on my own volition. I could not share the same bed with my wife anymore she apparently could not muster enough strength to stop all iniquities for a conversation that will help see things through. Rather she is turning to blame it on me. We have however resolved to part on a friendly note for the sake of our child.

My reason for posting this is because most us sit behind the desk and computers and do not understood the demons everyone is battling. On a bad day, the best husbands are MONSTER, while the best wives are DEVILS. When we make judgment as males or female. We should not forget about our female child/children, same goes for the male child. I don't know what my wife tells people about what happened but I really don't care and I have made up my mind never to defend myself.

Thanks for reading.

Tunmi

Thanks ... went through something similar... it was painful

Ybaby:


Eventually all wives who pay all or some bills cheat. I am not saying it is good I am only stating the fact.

Wives who shelter thier husbands eventually become violent towards the husband.

See the bible knows what it was saying when it said a man who cannot provide is worse than an infidel... those wives may pretend to respect thier husband in his face but gossip their husbands to neighbours, family and friends letting them know they pay the Bills.

What OP experienced is even small. When a woman pays Bills she emasculates the man in front of him or behind him.... she will sha find a way to subliminally let the world know she wears the trouser.

Na so we see am. I pray for you that you are able to fully pay your household Bill's and kids bills if you add your wife's bill she will let the world know you are the MAN!

Sunny Ade said one man was made to escourt his wife to her boyfriend house.... na money cause am.

Man is on earth to pay Bill's, to work and uplift his family...... may all men be able to do this because the consequences of otherwise is severe.

An angel can become a witch if she is made to pay a man's bills

That passage of the Bible refers to both male and female. Let's not interpret the Bible with cultural lenses... In fact, Paul was speaking about widows (young and old) in that passage.

How about the Proverbs 31 woman that ensures she provides for the family? What about the part that says wives should submit to their husbands as unto the Lord and husbands love their wives as Christ does the church.

There is no excuse here, it is basically a culturally reinforced unscriptural mindset of entitlement that makes a woman think providing for her own family is not alright and grounds for being proud and abusive. Or that a man's little or no income disqualifies him from being the head of the home and from being treated as such.

zicoraads:
So what's the point of this entire story?

Perhaps because he’s been unable to share the true events of things with anyone else, he decided to let it all out here.

That’s what I do with my diary. To write things I do not necessarily want to share with anyone. Or things that come to my mind at the spur of the moment.

Asour:



Does God specifically tell people who (the Person) to marry.
I know he acquiesces to people's proposal BUT does he really instruct who to marry?

How come we never saw this is in the Bible?

This is just an aside though but many people make this claim. The question now is if God specifically defines people to marry other people then those who have made wrong choices in life and then died, became really sick or mentally depraved have all "left" their God defined partners stranded. isn't it.

Or does God keep changing his mind— about 'the right partner' —when this happens.

Not really, but the understanding of God's mind, interests, words and knowledge can shape or influence one's decision when it comes to picking the right one.... the understanding influences the lens through which we see the world.

PrimadonnaO:


Perhaps because he’s been unable to share the true events of things with anyone else, he decided to let it all out here.

That’s what I do with my diary. To write things I do not necessarily want to share with anyone. Or things that come to my mind at the spur of the moment.

Okay, wifey.

I get it now.

The kind of stories i see here on Nairaland has thought me how to start praying for my marriage... Though still an undergraduate

OP it is well... Moving out was the best option... But why do women become AUTHORITATIVE AND BOSSY ONCE THEY START EARNING BIG...
GUYS HUSTLE OOO

I have read some of your lines and I have to admit no one has ever explained it the way you did. I think it now makes a lot of sense. A woman may provide some support at various stages in a marriage, but mentally, she is not equipped to take care of the home when and where there is a husband who is supposed to do that.
Anything outside that is either a pretense or there are other issues being covered up.

Ybaby:


Eventually all wives who pay all or some bills cheat. I am not saying it is good I am only stating the fact.

Wives who shelter thier husbands eventually become violent towards the husband.

See the bible knows what it was saying when it said a man who cannot provide is worse than an infidel... those wives may pretend to respect thier husband in his face but gossip their husbands to neighbours, family and friends letting them know they pay the Bills.

What OP experienced is even small. When a woman pays Bills she emasculates the man in front of him or behind him.... she will sha find a way to subliminally let the world know she wears the trouser.

Na so we see am. I pray for you that you are able to fully pay your household Bill's and kids bills if you add your wife's bill she will let the world know you are the MAN!

Sunny Ade said one man was made to escourt his wife to her boyfriend house.... na money cause am.

Man is on earth to pay Bill's, to work and uplift his family...... may all men be able to do this because the consequences of otherwise is severe.

An angel can become a witch if she is made to pay a man's bills

Ybaby:
[s]
infidecious baba
Alabobowado meaning feed him and climb him[/s]

www.nairaland.com/attachments/11247301_fbimg1584345501307_jpegfd090fdc73e8c5fc31e56f4ef6632f2f
You no kon get brain at all, na dat dey inside.
Iyawo alapa ma sise

Na so poor Nigerian women talk say any man wey no get money to take his wife to America for birthing no suppose marry.

How far? Na Brazil nao abi. Trump don close border.

LuQuLuQu:


Stop quoting me cos the guy has modified what he wrote there before it hit FP.

Lol... That's rampant here on NL.

zicoraads:

Okay, wifey.

I get it now.

9jatriot:
I have read some of your lines and I have to admit no one has ever explained it the way you did. I think it now makes a lot of sense. A woman may provide some support at various stages in a marriage, but mentally, she is not equipped to take care of the home when and where there is a husband who is supposed to do that.
Anything outside that is either a pretense or there are other issues being covered up.

Absolutely!! the more she provides for him the more he slides into being her son in her eyes and before you know it she is asking him to stretch his hand and collect 6 strokes of the cane and no woman wants to sleep with her son so seexx is also gone from the table and even if she is dropping sexx it is the left over of her man friend who she happiliy wear lingerie for and cooks and pampers

Ybaby:


I am seeing a pattern that it is men whose mothers feed/fed thier fathers that think like this.

Poster Is your mum single cos you may have to wife her.

1 Timothy 5:8 If anyone does not provide for his own, and
But if any man have not care of his own, and especially of those of his house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.

Again. This is a serious misinterpretation. Please read the passage... 1Titus: Chapter 5. The verses before and after that line you are misusing speaks to widows. The male pronoun is used to refer to both genders (together) in the Bible.

Ibechris2:
My advice for u now that God has blessed u is this,pls start a rugged investment now or never,I am a typical Igbo man that likes money and work for it.

No job in Nigeria is permanent even Ministers,permanent secs and Dg's are all losing their jobs. Pls,save and invest to fully regain ur respect and consider taking ur wife back and I bet u,u will not regret it.

And those who are scared of getting married, earn and save to invest,stop spending money on liabilities such as renting an apartment for ur girl friends and sending their entire family money when u are not sure of marrying her.
If u are a man here and u are 25years and above,start hustling and working towards marriage,because na lack of money dey make some men fear marriage.

If u have money,everything in marriage will bow to ur authority except of course,there is no understanding in the marriage.

Marriage is wonderful!

So he should take back a woman who humiliated him and committed adultery because of his circumstance? Are you normal?

TSBO:


Again. This is a serious misinterpretation. Please read the passage... 1Titus: Chapter 5. The verses before and after that line you are misusing speaks to widows. The male pronoun is used for both sexes in the Bible.

Joker

Vyolet:
Everytime a woman leaves a poor man or reacts badly to him, the man always end up having a well paying job and the woman always want to come back...
Op, you forgot to write the part where she is willing to come back and live with you in Lekki .

still praying for the future

9jatriot:
I have read some of your lines and I have to admit no one has ever explained it the way you did. I think it now makes a lot of sense. A woman may provide some support at various stages in a marriage, but mentally, she is not equipped to take care of the home when and where there is a husband who is supposed to do that.
Anything outside that is either a pretense or there are other issues being covered up.

No mind them. They are not used to paying rent etc. It is all strange.

tunmiluabi:
My story is quite long, please run through with patience.

I married my wife about 11 years ago. By the way I am 46 years old. Before I married my wife, I was not doing well neither was my wife. She was working with a multinational company, earning an equivalent of N40,000. I had a small graphic design business after trying many times to find a good job. I looked for jobs and contracts without any respite. But At this this time, my wife's support was good and I did appreciate every bit of it. At lest we survived on the low...

As time went on, I got a job in one international corporate training company as a Statistics and Business Analysis Instructor, was earning about 90,000 naira. During the times before I got my job, we had accumulated debt and my new job provided us an opportunity to pay them up.

We decided we were going to save part of her salary every month for servicing the debt and save the rest for a rainy day. I was supposed to pay the rent and all other domestic bills, light, kids school fees etc.. Some time she helped with food/groceries. After sometime, she advised we move to a bigger apartment. We still had a daughter by then. I obliged and we did.

To cut the story short, after four years of working, the company folded up because of government policies and we were all laid off. This meant we had to prepare for the hard life ahead. It was hectic and devastating. Me being me, I took it with all sense of grace and hope things will be fine. But the more I thought about this the worse things got. One day out of curiosity I asked my wife if it would be nice to have another child and she advised it was not the best time. I understood and agreed. I then advised my wife if we could start a business and with some savings we had, maybe I could use it to enhance my former business, maybe things might be better this time. She did not show any interest. This time I discovered changes in my wife.

One day she asked me if she could use part of them money to do a course, honestly I was shocked but asked why she did not oblige to my own request. She said "its my money I can use it for whatever I want". My wife however did the course.

To cut the story short, 3 years down the line, my wife stopped having sex with me and this continued for a long time. I became like "shit in her eyes". I lost a bit of confidence though. she would wake me with insults and barrage of dirty words. Because of our child, I agreed to stay a home and try to work online and seek clients and jobs from old client. It was not bad but not promising.

Fortunately for us, my wife got a promotion and her salary was increased to about 170,000. This actually brought out the worst in my wife. Her calmness disappeared and all decorum was buried. We would quarrel everyday and not talk for weeks. She became really mean and controlled everything at home. Please note, she is not a bad woman but can't explain the reasons up till date. I was with no option but to query her sincerity as a wife and that continued for a long time. Our sex life became zero, she would tell me having sex would make her pregnant and was not ready for a second child. Her stories kept on changing and became even worse, rather than coming home she would pass by her mom and be there till late in the night before coming home.

After about 3 years of trying to get something to do, I finally got a place on the island sometime in February 2018, where I would be paid a stipend of 50,000. In addition, I would use my free time to design, print and sell business cards to small companies. The overall income was small but enough for some immediate obligations at home. But to be fair, that was the best I could get since I have not had money in a long time. Unfortunately my wages were not consistent due to challenges the company was facing. But I used the Business card printing to augment wherever possible.

Later in 2018 around September, I discovered that my wife had been having an illicit engagement. She had a male fried and I finally got to know about it and confronted her. She did not deny it, she begged and I forgave her. Anyway, I had made up my mind to forgive because of the kid and I never told anyone till date. Moreover, since we were not making love that was of course enough reason for the drastic measure, I told myself. To be sincere I had lost feeling for my wife and sex was difficult. We finally started having sex but I had little to offer her. I would pretend and even have to watch Indecency to be able to have sex with her. I was dead inside. At least my wife was still with me. That was my solace. I guess trust was broken. She however continued with her escapades. The quarrels increased and got worse. There and then name calling became our breakfast and dinner. She advised that since I would never look at her the same and bringing little or nothing to the table that I was free to go. The quarrels went on for quite some time, my wife will go very violent on me some of the times. I am marshal artist with black belt and I have great restraint - for me, fighting and going violent on her was never on the table. One day I thought there was a need to move out and I did indicated to her that I was not comfortable living with her anymore.. That wherever I am, I will see how I can take care of the kids.

She did not care and things became difficult for me. I felt maybe I could stay for sometime, It might be a difficult condition but still not impossible. This became my Achilles heels. There and then I knew my relationship had broken and irreparable. I accepted there was nothing I could, but to be patient and tried to convince myself about our situations and believed our situation was bad, but God’s willing we would overcome. The fight even got worse and became very violent and physical, I would normally just take the beating or hold her hands to avoid any injuries.

The quarrels was beginning to be in the glare of my Kids and since it was not abating, there was little I could do to change the situation. I finally made up my mind on the 19th of May 2019 to move out, but actually moved out on the 30th of May, 2019. Before then on the 26th of May, 2019, I discovered my wife was again engaging in the illicit affair. She would claim she was going to church only to be found at a different location. Honestly I can’t blame her, I blame myself and the situation that caused the demise of our once cherished marriage. At this point in time I realised I had lost and had no fight in me anymore. My kids are still very young. Everyday quarrels, lack of sincere engagement, denials upon denials and her fear of facing her “DEMON” with little chance of her understanding the consequence of her actions - I was left with no choice but to stop FIGHTING. I had no fight left in me. The ultimate decision was to leave. I did not inform her parent about the issue because I had indicated to her I did not want them to look at her differently.

God so good, I got a 500,000 Naira job through a friend in an oil company with a 3bedroon in Lekki fully paid up for 3years by the company. By the way, I am Data Analyst but never practiced for a long time. I studied Computer engineering but for a long time grace did not smile on me. I take care of my kid and I really don't hate her and I am at peace with everything. She still has her job and doing well.

Please note that she did not tell me to leave, I left on my own volition. I could not share the same bed with my wife anymore she apparently could not muster enough strength to stop all iniquities for a conversation that will help see things through. Rather she is turning to blame it on me. We have however resolved to part on a friendly note for the sake of our child.

My reason for posting this is because most us sit behind the desk and computers and do not understood the demons everyone is battling. On a bad day, the best husbands are MONSTER, while the best wives are DEVILS. When we make judgment as males or female. We should not forget about our female child/children, same goes for the male child. I don't know what my wife tells people about what happened but I really don't care and I have made up my mind never to defend myself.

Thanks for reading.

Tunmi

I PRAY GOD GIVES YOU PEACE .

PropertyBuying:

Lol... That's rampant here on NL.

The previous thing he wrote was that, he got a job with 'one of the international college' as a teacher. But that they ended up folding up.

So, it prompted my comment.

He probably didn't know it'll make FP when he wrote that.

Please guys stop quoting me. The guy's story didn't add up and from all indications he can't move on from a failed marriage where he painted himself innocent to NL public court

Ybaby:


Joker

Well.. You are the one making a joke of the scriptures. It is for studying.. Not for quoting carelessly. Did you even bother rechecking? Or you prefer to stick to your view even though you might be wrong?

Oluromantic:
I cherish your maturity sir. Even in the core of the challenge, you were still very sane!

It's a pity your wife did not meet up to the cost of marital covenant. I don't pray to have such a wife o

But I salute your courage.

Never underestimate a man..

PrimadonnaO:



Why are you contradicting yourself? You should have removed money nau! Just say guts and dick, and then boldly get married, let’s see how you’ll fare.

money doesn't hold a lady in the marriage but money is a necessity in marriage?


how am I confusing myself feminist? or do I need to break it down to the level of your understanding

Please, make best investment out of your current income cus it will not go forever. Try all possible never to go broke again. I am not giving the advice because of your experience but I was just less to say those words. Pleas, struggle to invest n look for good ideas on how to increase your income.

TSBO:


Well.. You are the one making a joke of the scriptures. It is for studying.. Not for quoting carelessly. Did you even bother rechecking? Or you prefer to stick to your view even though you might be wrong?

Pls infidel ... leave me be.

Does the bible have to tell you to provide for own children if not a case of being daft

pls let me be

Vyolet:
Everytime a woman leaves a poor man or reacts badly to him, the man always end up having a well paying job and the woman always want to come back...
Op, you forgot to write the part where she is willing to come back and live with you in Lekki .

May be that is the story that worth sharing