₦airaland Forum

tunmiluabi:
Glorious! Thanks. In my marriage I was the one deprived of affection and everything that comes with being married. I never for once looked else where and never discussed with anyone except now on this forum. I have always known that my condition was not permanent. I and believed that I was going rewrite my own story. All I wanted was a go at an opportunity and for her to stand by me and which never came. But when it finally came, the deed has been done. Forgiveness is grace, I have done that already. I swear I have nothing against her. To be honest, she doesn't even know that I have a job. She only knows I am not dead. She has called to let me know that I should work hard to help raise my kid. I am sure she is surprised, I send money to her account on a monthly basis for our kid's upkeep. There is no need for me to brag to her about my current status. If she finally knows, it will great for her. I believe the greatest gift in life is not just knowledge or wisdom but grace to believe, believe, and believe again. At the moment, I have not taken a decision on what next line of action is but what I do know is that she is not in any of the my plans. At the moment I am concentrating on re-certifications that I have not done in years. I will update you guy as LIFE gives me more "feedbacks".

I just had to quote this again, cos it pains me how much people change when they think they have the upper hand and when they think they are better than others... Especially when talking to a spouse...

Gift7428:
Read again
You highlighted just one part and refused to move to the next line.

I cant with you please.
Na dem.

He is right on point

9izone:
How on Earth do you even believe this story?
Anyways if I must say, leaving the house is an error! Looking at his wife, she managed, she never left him because he has no job, she was there even though they are fighting and all that she stood! So my dear, if this woman tells you her own part of story now, I promise, you will skip.
From my own sensing, I see this man ran into another woman.

Maybe. Ath can happen but I'm against my woman having illicit affairs. Tb me personally, I'm d faithful type. Idk abt the OP. Good luck to him anyways.

MuttleyLaff:
Ybaby, please provide the bible verse talking about a kept husband being worse than an infidel. Thank you.

She can't.


When I showed her what God's word on how God loves man and how we are to show the same love to everyone, she couldn't show me where SHE SAID THE BIBLE PERMITS MEN TO BE TREATED LIKE INFIDELS.

Human beings easily forget that the blessings of the Lord maketh rich and adds no sorrow. Except the Lord builds a city, they LABOUR IN VAIN THAT BUILD IT! Psalm 127:1 Job9:29

She has forgotten that LABOUR without FAVOUR equals FRUSTRATION as it's the Lord who gives power to get wealth

She should ask Peter, the most experienced fisherman who LABOURED ALL NIGHT YET CAUGHT NOTHING. Luke 5:5

When people remove God from the centre and place things like self sufficiency, their physical strength and their mind power and money, when the storms of life come, their real character will beade manifest.

The storms of life come to everyone. We arent immune to it.

With all the money and riches Job had, everything was destroyed in one day. I personally know many people who are popularly called "Millionaires of yesterday". Were they lazy??
NEVER!! How do you think they became rich in the first place

What am I saying It's a huge blessing for a man to be physically healthy and be able to work and provide for his family. What happens if the storms of life come and due to illness, adverse circumstances, tragedy etc and the man is unable to work??

She carefully and meticulously didn't address this. On top of this she has been very rude to people she doesn't even know and cannot identify offline.

I actually know someone here offline who she has insulted who infact is a millionaire!!! And am not talking peanuts!!! That's very bad and it's very sad.
No matter how rich a man is, if he knows you won't be there for him when the road is rough, that's a RED FLAG!

I won't marry.... shikina!!!

@op, sorry. Thank God. Heal up and move on.

We give ourselves too much arguing headaches on NL sef.
With the meaning and context,
we truly have so many "infidels" out there.
1. Not Christian/no religion at all.
2. daring to believe something else against the majority.
Yet its nothing to start e-fights over - no abusing another.
Simply pick valuable life lessons.

SirMichael1:
1000 men spells to me innumerable number of men which I limited 1000. So I did you good caping it to 1001.

Please don't settle for hoes bro. You can have better.

You need to know that most of us in the doctrine I belong usually end up marrying a virgin which I did in 97.
'Jesus only is our Message'

u don't have money & yet u want a 2nd child!!!

Hmmmm

If this story is True


Maybe

You unknowingly married an Aristo.
Shit happens

Posterity will judge

Man such is life...women can change on you in such situation...Don’t listen to what people say...or her lies to get people on her side...just do your part and raise the kids you brought into the world...your mental, physical, emotional health depends on understanding that there is nothing much you can do to correct or redirect a woman in a situation like this...it is a betrayal because you supported her hoping that you are building something with her but when the variation changes in her favor financial...she showed what she is made of...Be positive and control your health...

God pls in your loving kindnes, i must not exprience all these stories abt marriage that i have reading all dis while on nairaland.
pls give me a peace home.

CAPSLOCKED:
THAT'S JUST THE FACT. YOU'RE HUNDRED PERCENT ON POINT.
THIS IS WHY I TELL MEN TO NEVER BE WITH A WOMAN THAT EARNS MORE THAN THEM. INFACT, LEAVE THE MARRIAGE ONCE YOUR JOB IS SHAKY. DON'T EVEN WAIT UNTIL YOU LOSE IT BECAUSE HELL FIRE IS BETTER THAN A MARRIAGE WHERE A WOMAN IS PAYING YOUR BILLS.

Seems they've sampled you some hard-wares in the past.

No real father will be happy to have his child not acknowledging him as a father. Is your happiness worth sacrificing your relationship with your child? Try to find a way that will never destroy the relationship with your child. Just my opinion, my child comes first before my happiness. We live forever in the continuity of life through our children.

tunmiluabi:
Life is strange... Turning my child against me is not an an issue for me. What I do believe is that any act of betrayal will always repeat itself no matter how hidden it might. I have seen it and I know it. The truth is that, even if my child does not see me as father in the future... I will die a happy man knowing that I had the strength to walk away.

Maduawuchukwu:
So he should take back a woman who humiliated him and committed adultery because of his circumstance? Are you normal?

Are u crazy?...must u question my plead to him.
Make ur opinion and stop being an idiot.

Is any body forcing him...?

eni4real:
Na so

Gee64:
In Benin tradition, adultery on the part of the woman is a taboo.
If you were an Edo man you would have been dead by now!

Oga, forget this talk abeg. The married women from dey kpansh back to back and nothing dey happen to their husbands. You can only tell this to a novice.

Strong man...I salute ur perseverance...Women and Materialism...God is with you Sir...

emmyN:
Thank you Ybaby. I've read lots of your comments here and I am quite pleased that we still have women that honour the traditional role of family setting. The man the provider, and the woman in the kitchen, living room and other room. This is against the ideology of most women of the 21st century claiming woke and brandishing some horseshit called feminism.

You said you've been married for up to 19 years, and I believe you've inculcated same value in your children. Surely you have a daughter of near marriageable age. 18 years is standard. I am a man of means and well able to take care of my own house (not bragging). If you would be so kind, I would like to have one of your daughter's hand in marriage. She needs not bother about school as her primary responsibility would be to give me peace, companionship, anything intangible. These she must have learned while growing up with you as she doesn't require a formal education to offer them.

I promise to continually fulfill my role as the provider in the family while continually pointing her to her place in the kitchen. You know some of these feminists can easily impress on young girls. I will make sure to uphold the value you've so carefully imbibed in her over the years by seeing to it that she grovels at my feet while I spare her some crumbs from my plate and spit on her face. This lifestyle requires discipline from time to time. I will make sure she gets an equal dose of it whenever she errs.

If this brief account of my competencies intrigues you enough to lend me one of your daughters, please do not hesitate to send me a PM.

Yours

This got me laughing out loud

Vyolet:
Everytime a woman leaves a poor man or reacts badly to him, the man always end up having a well paying job and the woman always want to come back...
Op, you forgot to write the part where she is willing to come back and live with you in Lekki .

okay, uve gotten the likes uve always wanted? Now receive sense!!

tunmiluabi:
My story is quite long, please run through with patience.

I married my wife about 11 years ago. By the way I am 46 years old. Before I married my wife, I was not doing well neither was my wife. She was working with a multinational company, earning an equivalent of N40,000. I had a small graphic design business after trying many times to find a good job. I looked for jobs and contracts without any respite. But At this this time, my wife's support was good and I did appreciate every bit of it. At lest we survived on the low...

As time went on, I got a job in one international corporate training company as a Statistics and Business Analysis Instructor, was earning about 90,000 naira. During the times before I got my job, we had accumulated debt and my new job provided us an opportunity to pay them up.

We decided we were going to save part of her salary every month for servicing the debt and save the rest for a rainy day. I was supposed to pay the rent and all other domestic bills, light, kids school fees etc.. Some time she helped with food/groceries. After sometime, she advised we move to a bigger apartment. We still had a daughter by then. I obliged and we did.

To cut the story short, after four years of working, the company folded up because of government policies and we were all laid off. This meant we had to prepare for the hard life ahead. It was hectic and devastating. Me being me, I took it with all sense of grace and hope things will be fine. But the more I thought about this the worse things got. One day out of curiosity I asked my wife if it would be nice to have another child and she advised it was not the best time. I understood and agreed. I then advised my wife if we could start a business and with some savings we had, maybe I could use it to enhance my former business, maybe things might be better this time. She did not show any interest. This time I discovered changes in my wife.

One day she asked me if she could use part of them money to do a course, honestly I was shocked but asked why she did not oblige to my own request. She said "its my money I can use it for whatever I want". My wife however did the course.

To cut the story short, 3 years down the line, my wife stopped having sex with me and this continued for a long time. I became like "shit in her eyes". I lost a bit of confidence though. she would wake me with insults and barrage of dirty words. Because of our child, I agreed to stay a home and try to work online and seek clients and jobs from old client. It was not bad but not promising.

Fortunately for us, my wife got a promotion and her salary was increased to about 170,000. This actually brought out the worst in my wife. Her calmness disappeared and all decorum was buried. We would quarrel everyday and not talk for weeks. She became really mean and controlled everything at home. Please note, she is not a bad woman but can't explain the reasons up till date. I was with no option but to query her sincerity as a wife and that continued for a long time. Our sex life became zero, she would tell me having sex would make her pregnant and was not ready for a second child. Her stories kept on changing and became even worse, rather than coming home she would pass by her mom and be there till late in the night before coming home.

After about 3 years of trying to get something to do, I finally got a place on the island sometime in February 2018, where I would be paid a stipend of 50,000. In addition, I would use my free time to design, print and sell business cards to small companies. The overall income was small but enough for some immediate obligations at home. But to be fair, that was the best I could get since I have not had money in a long time. Unfortunately my wages were not consistent due to challenges the company was facing. But I used the Business card printing to augment wherever possible.

Later in 2018 around September, I discovered that my wife had been having an illicit engagement. She had a male fried and I finally got to know about it and confronted her. She did not deny it, she begged and I forgave her. Anyway, I had made up my mind to forgive because of the kid and I never told anyone till date. Moreover, since we were not making love that was of course enough reason for the drastic measure, I told myself. To be sincere I had lost feeling for my wife and sex was difficult. We finally started having sex but I had little to offer her. I would pretend and even have to watch Indecency to be able to have sex with her. I was dead inside. At least my wife was still with me. That was my solace. I guess trust was broken. She however continued with her escapades. The quarrels increased and got worse. There and then name calling became our breakfast and dinner. She advised that since I would never look at her the same and bringing little or nothing to the table that I was free to go. The quarrels went on for quite some time, my wife will go very violent on me some of the times. I am marshal artist with black belt and I have great restraint - for me, fighting and going violent on her was never on the table. One day I thought there was a need to move out and I did indicated to her that I was not comfortable living with her anymore.. That wherever I am, I will see how I can take care of the kids.

She did not care and things became difficult for me. I felt maybe I could stay for sometime, It might be a difficult condition but still not impossible. This became my Achilles heels. There and then I knew my relationship had broken and irreparable. I accepted there was nothing I could, but to be patient and tried to convince myself about our situations and believed our situation was bad, but God’s willing we would overcome. The fight even got worse and became very violent and physical, I would normally just take the beating or hold her hands to avoid any injuries.

The quarrels was beginning to be in the glare of my Kids and since it was not abating, there was little I could do to change the situation. I finally made up my mind on the 19th of May 2019 to move out, but actually moved out on the 30th of May, 2019. Before then on the 26th of May, 2019, I discovered my wife was again engaging in the illicit affair. She would claim she was going to church only to be found at a different location. Honestly I can’t blame her, I blame myself and the situation that caused the demise of our once cherished marriage. At this point in time I realised I had lost and had no fight in me anymore. My kids are still very young. Everyday quarrels, lack of sincere engagement, denials upon denials and her fear of facing her “DEMON” with little chance of her understanding the consequence of her actions - I was left with no choice but to stop FIGHTING. I had no fight left in me. The ultimate decision was to leave. I did not inform her parent about the issue because I had indicated to her I did not want them to look at her differently.

God so good, I got a 500,000 Naira job through a friend in an oil company with a 3bedroon in Lekki fully paid up for 3years by the company. By the way, I am Data Analyst but never practiced for a long time. I studied Computer engineering but for a long time grace did not smile on me. I take care of my kid and I really don't hate her and I am at peace with everything. She still has her job and doing well.

Please note that she did not tell me to leave, I left on my own volition. I could not share the same bed with my wife anymore she apparently could not muster enough strength to stop all iniquities for a conversation that will help see things through. Rather she is turning to blame it on me. We have however resolved to part on a friendly note for the sake of our child.

My reason for posting this is because most us sit behind the desk and computers and do not understood the demons everyone is battling. On a bad day, the best husbands are MONSTER, while the best wives are DEVILS. When we make judgment as males or female. We should not forget about our female child/children, same goes for the male child. I don't know what my wife tells people about what happened but I really don't care and I have made up my mind never to defend myself.

Thanks for reading.

Tunmi

Sorry i couldnt continue reading. I stopped at the place you said " To cut the story short" and then you fired down again.


Somebody should explain to me what actually happened.

Fearcom:
She can't.
When I showed her what God's word on how God loves man and how we are to show the same love to everyone, she couldn't show me where SHE SAID THE BIBLE PERMITS MEN TO BE TREATED LIKE INFIDELS.

Human beings easily forget that the blessings of the Lord maketh rich and adds no sorrow. Except the Lord builds a city, they LABOUR IN VAIN THAT BUILD IT! Psalm 127:1 Job9:29

She has forgotten that LABOUR without FAVOUR equals FRUSTRATION as it's the Lord who gives power to get wealth

She should ask Peter, the most experienced fisherman who LABOURED ALL NIGHT YET CAUGHT NOTHING. Luke 5:5

When people remove God from the centre and place things like self sufficiency, their physical strength and their mind power and money, when the storms of life come, their real character will beade manifest.

The storms of life come to everyone. We arent immune to it.

With all the money and riches Job had, everything was destroyed in one day. I personally know many people who are popularly called "Millionaires of yesterday". Were they lazy??
NEVER!! How do you think they became rich in the first place

What am I saying It's a huge blessing for a man to be physically healthy and be able to work and provide for his family. What happens if the storms of life come and due to illness, adverse circumstances, tragedy etc and the man is unable to work??
She carefully and meticulously didn't address this. On top of this she has been very rude to people she doesn't even know and cannot identify offline.

I actually know someone here offline who she has insulted who infact is a millionaire!!! And am not talking peanuts!!! That's very bad and it's very sad.

No matter how rich a man is, if he knows you won't be there for him when the road is rough, that's a RED FLAG!

MuttleyLaff:
Thank you.

After going through the follow up tunmiluabi posted in response to your scathing lmao subtle dressing down, albeit to a certain degree a deserving one, especially if you understand the psychology or working minds of women and the divine mandate ascribed to man, man in this context is referring to the male in this partnership, I couldn't not help not feeling that tunmiluabi and his estranged wife arent believers. I dont mean organised church goers, but actual they arent God of the Bible fearing couple.

I give it to tunmiluabi, for not washing his dirty linen in public and praise him for covering up his missus' unclothedness.

My advice to tunmiluabi, is to make peace with God, seek His Face and presence. To pray for grace. We already thank God for giving tunmiluabi the power & knowledge to create and get wealth. It takes three to get married and love is tribe - the Lover, the Beloved and Love. I won't labour the last sentence because this post is meant to be short and sweet

tunmiluabi, needs to look up the life of Naval and Abigail (i.e. 1 Samuel 25:2-42) and study every detail in it and then afterwards, review how he wants to go on in life.

I admire certain qualities displayed by tunmiluabi, who comes across as a fair minded, level-headed and undomineering male person. These are traits atypical of the classic Naija man.
Of course, the hand what life dealth out to him at the beginning was mediocre and this lead to all sorts developing on both fronts. Respect for husband was lost and love for missus equally too was lost.

tunmiluabi, I am guessing you're of a Muslim background, nonetheless, I want to refer you to Genesis 2:8, 15, as it seems, you are familiar with the Bible somehow. If you can spot it, you will find that, right from the beginning what in that verse ties in with what Ybaby was advancing. Infidel, is synonymous with unbelief, a person not believing in divine purpose(s), promise(s) pronounciation(s) and power(s)

You have a divine mandate tunmiluabi, according to that Genesis 2:15 above, to dress and keep everything placed in your care, lmao. Of course, this includes your missus to enhance, beautify her, pretty her up, decorate her, improve her, grace her as in be a facilitator that will bring the best out of her and make it possible for her to reach her full potential. I read you say, she is intelligent, her distinction is a testament of this.

There is a lady called Sarai/Sarah, without her husband insisting, she voluntarily accepted and called her husband Abram/Abraham her lord. This is her, unashamedly saying this man, her husband, owns her, that he is her owner, the same manner and/or way, a landlord owns a land or house.

"²⁸So husbands must love their wives as they love their own bodies. A man who loves his wife loves himself.
²⁹No one ever hated his own body. Instead, he feeds and takes care of it, as Christ takes care of the church.
³¹That's why a man will leave his father and mother and be united with his wife, and the two will be one"
- Ephesians 5:28-29, 31

There is no equality in love, as the lover, always sees the beloved, as way up placed on a pedestal a "bae", before anyone else, so beyond comparison, while the beloved, sees the lover as without an equal

I don't want to go on as I've already overstretched my limit, but will now say, seek your Maker's face, pour out your heart to your Maker. Confess your destination to your Maker and don't give the situation oxygen. I no doubt know your heart desires will be respected. Miracles do still happens. You are an intelligent guy, who understands how to connect dots. A wise person sees things, which an ignorant person will require volumes to understand. No human heart wants love for five minutes or five years, but forever. It is well bro.

In fairness to her, she did.
Click on the above mention to see the verse

pacespot:
No money no love with Nigerian women. Gender equality advocates should read this. It's unfortunate men are becoming emasculated these days with all this feminism brouhaha.

But this thing called marriage, how real is it for those that are married?

You people should go and read to have a deep understanding of the concept of Feminism, if you do , you ll crave to v one.Feminism has nothing to do with being direspectful to your man .its just having equal opportunities as men socially , economicslly etc.Its the concept that births highly empowered women like Folorinso Alakija , Bunmi Awosika.Infact most of the true feminist i know are successful in their marriages .

Vyolet:
Everytime a woman leaves a poor man or reacts badly to him, the man always end up having a well paying job and the woman always want to come back...
Op, you forgot to write the part where she is willing to come back and live with you in Lekki .

I don't think so. We only read those who were fortunate to make it and write about their happy ending.
Believe me, most are not that fortunate.
For every writer like this you see, we will see 50 men who were not so fortunate.
I know some men around me their wives have left and are now in sorrow, some in the grave.
The op. is just the few fortunate ones.

Well, Devil takes several appearances and I must commend you for being a really strong man at it all. Character is Character with or without money but circumstances sometimes makes you see the real colors in People. I wish you both well all the same but stay strong as its not easy going through your experiences.

tunmiluabi:
My story is quite long, please run through with patience.

I married my wife about 11 years ago. By the way I am 46 years old. Before I married my wife, I was not doing well neither was my wife. She was working with a multinational company, earning an equivalent of N40,000. I had a small graphic design business after trying many times to find a good job. I looked for jobs and contracts without any respite. But At this this time, my wife's support was good and I did appreciate every bit of it. At lest we survived on the low...

As time went on, I got a job in one international corporate training company as a Statistics and Business Analysis Instructor, was earning about 90,000 naira. During the times before I got my job, we had accumulated debt and my new job provided us an opportunity to pay them up.

We decided we were going to save part of her salary every month for servicing the debt and save the rest for a rainy day. I was supposed to pay the rent and all other domestic bills, light, kids school fees etc.. Some time she helped with food/groceries. After sometime, she advised we move to a bigger apartment. We still had a daughter by then. I obliged and we did.

To cut the story short, after four years of working, the company folded up because of government policies and we were all laid off. This meant we had to prepare for the hard life ahead. It was hectic and devastating. Me being me, I took it with all sense of grace and hope things will be fine. But the more I thought about this the worse things got. One day out of curiosity I asked my wife if it would be nice to have another child and she advised it was not the best time. I understood and agreed. I then advised my wife if we could start a business and with some savings we had, maybe I could use it to enhance my former business, maybe things might be better this time. She did not show any interest. This time I discovered changes in my wife.

One day she asked me if she could use part of them money to do a course, honestly I was shocked but asked why she did not oblige to my own request. She said "its my money I can use it for whatever I want". My wife however did the course.

To cut the story short, 3 years down the line, my wife stopped having sex with me and this continued for a long time. I became like "shit in her eyes". I lost a bit of confidence though. she would wake me with insults and barrage of dirty words. Because of our child, I agreed to stay a home and try to work online and seek clients and jobs from old client. It was not bad but not promising.

Fortunately for us, my wife got a promotion and her salary was increased to about 170,000. This actually brought out the worst in my wife. Her calmness disappeared and all decorum was buried. We would quarrel everyday and not talk for weeks. She became really mean and controlled everything at home. Please note, she is not a bad woman but can't explain the reasons up till date. I was with no option but to query her sincerity as a wife and that continued for a long time. Our sex life became zero, she would tell me having sex would make her pregnant and was not ready for a second child. Her stories kept on changing and became even worse, rather than coming home she would pass by her mom and be there till late in the night before coming home.

After about 3 years of trying to get something to do, I finally got a place on the island sometime in February 2018, where I would be paid a stipend of 50,000. In addition, I would use my free time to design, print and sell business cards to small companies. The overall income was small but enough for some immediate obligations at home. But to be fair, that was the best I could get since I have not had money in a long time. Unfortunately my wages were not consistent due to challenges the company was facing. But I used the Business card printing to augment wherever possible.

Later in 2018 around September, I discovered that my wife had been having an illicit engagement. She had a male fried and I finally got to know about it and confronted her. She did not deny it, she begged and I forgave her. Anyway, I had made up my mind to forgive because of the kid and I never told anyone till date. Moreover, since we were not making love that was of course enough reason for the drastic measure, I told myself. To be sincere I had lost feeling for my wife and sex was difficult. We finally started having sex but I had little to offer her. I would pretend and even have to watch Indecency to be able to have sex with her. I was dead inside. At least my wife was still with me. That was my solace. I guess trust was broken. She however continued with her escapades. The quarrels increased and got worse. There and then name calling became our breakfast and dinner. She advised that since I would never look at her the same and bringing little or nothing to the table that I was free to go. The quarrels went on for quite some time, my wife will go very violent on me some of the times. I am marshal artist with black belt and I have great restraint - for me, fighting and going violent on her was never on the table. One day I thought there was a need to move out and I did indicated to her that I was not comfortable living with her anymore.. That wherever I am, I will see how I can take care of the kids.

She did not care and things became difficult for me. I felt maybe I could stay for sometime, It might be a difficult condition but still not impossible. This became my Achilles heels. There and then I knew my relationship had broken and irreparable. I accepted there was nothing I could, but to be patient and tried to convince myself about our situations and believed our situation was bad, but God’s willing we would overcome. The fight even got worse and became very violent and physical, I would normally just take the beating or hold her hands to avoid any injuries.

The quarrels was beginning to be in the glare of my Kids and since it was not abating, there was little I could do to change the situation. I finally made up my mind on the 19th of May 2019 to move out, but actually moved out on the 30th of May, 2019. Before then on the 26th of May, 2019, I discovered my wife was again engaging in the illicit affair. She would claim she was going to church only to be found at a different location. Honestly I can’t blame her, I blame myself and the situation that caused the demise of our once cherished marriage. At this point in time I realised I had lost and had no fight in me anymore. My kids are still very young. Everyday quarrels, lack of sincere engagement, denials upon denials and her fear of facing her “DEMON” with little chance of her understanding the consequence of her actions - I was left with no choice but to stop FIGHTING. I had no fight left in me. The ultimate decision was to leave. I did not inform her parent about the issue because I had indicated to her I did not want them to look at her differently.

God so good, I got a 500,000 Naira job through a friend in an oil company with a 3bedroon in Lekki fully paid up for 3years by the company. By the way, I am Data Analyst but never practiced for a long time. I studied Computer engineering but for a long time grace did not smile on me. I take care of my kid and I really don't hate her and I am at peace with everything. She still has her job and doing well.

Please note that she did not tell me to leave, I left on my own volition. I could not share the same bed with my wife anymore she apparently could not muster enough strength to stop all iniquities for a conversation that will help see things through. Rather she is turning to blame it on me. We have however resolved to part on a friendly note for the sake of our child.

My reason for posting this is because most us sit behind the desk and computers and do not understood the demons everyone is battling. On a bad day, the best husbands are MONSTER, while the best wives are DEVILS. When we make judgment as males or female. We should not forget about our female child/children, same goes for the male child. I don't know what my wife tells people about what happened but I really don't care and I have made up my mind never to defend myself.

Thanks for reading.

Tunmi

Obingene:
You people and money, are you people totally useless without money? Because I am not and never been.

Come on, there is more to life now. I studied Economics and many a times, I have broken this thing called money. It's a reward for value, it's also a means to an end and there are so many factors that determine its availability or scarcity.

I'm tired hearing about money issues everytime. Haba! It's that why you came to earth? To make money and just leave?

Listen everyone, if money is the main resource you have to offer people, then you are just like a candle in d wind, you will be blown out soon and forgotten.

Finally, if anyone disrespects you because of money, walk away from that person.

The circular flow of income shows that money can never be at a place at a particular time, more so, now we have leaders to hoard and keep wealth meant for everyone to themselves.

I conclude with this, if as a guy or a lady, you know you would disrespect your spouse in eventuality that they become broke, please don't marry, or better still, leave the relationship.

Leave and find your pot of gold.

apt

Ybaby:
Men donot need marriage. Marriage is for women

Any woman that let's a man run through her like tissue paper is on her own.

Amal didn't put up with nonsense so George had to do the right thing by her or lose her

Woman is the prize! We better act like it

Look at you... men are the prize!

A man only needs a good/solid income and good health. That's all.

GlorifiedTunde:
Honestly I get your point. I have had to pick up a Dakes Concordance Bible over this issue some time ago.

That same Corinthians says you can leave an unbelieving spouse if they refuse to repent (provided you both met Christ after wedding)

The message in Luke also is different from that of Mathew.

But Christ was trying to guard against separations and divorces that were uncalled for. Just so that men won't think they can have an easy way out.

I have had to meditate on that Matthew. And it makes it clear that divorce is permitted under the circumstances of infidelity.

The marriageability of the two people was implicitly stated there also;

Matthew 19:9 And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.

The divorced doesn't have the luxury of being married. But the divorcer (only on infidelity reasons) can remarry.

May God help us sha

It is better to err on the side of caution... once divorced, do not remarry.

tunmiluabi:
My story is quite long, please run through with patience.

I married my wife about 11 years ago. By the way I am 46 years old. Before I married my wife, I was not doing well neither was my wife. She was working with a multinational company, earning an equivalent of N40,000. I had a small graphic design business after trying many times to find a good job. I looked for jobs and contracts without any respite. But At this this time, my wife's support was good and I did appreciate every bit of it. At lest we survived on the low...

As time went on, I got a job in one international corporate training company as a Statistics and Business Analysis Instructor, was earning about 90,000 naira. During the times before I got my job, we had accumulated debt and my new job provided us an opportunity to pay them up.

We decided we were going to save part of her salary every month for servicing the debt and save the rest for a rainy day. I was supposed to pay the rent and all other domestic bills, light, kids school fees etc.. Some time she helped with food/groceries. After sometime, she advised we move to a bigger apartment. We still had a daughter by then. I obliged and we did.

To cut the story short, after four years of working, the company folded up because of government policies and we were all laid off. This meant we had to prepare for the hard life ahead. It was hectic and devastating. Me being me, I took it with all sense of grace and hope things will be fine. But the more I thought about this the worse things got. One day out of curiosity I asked my wife if it would be nice to have another child and she advised it was not the best time. I understood and agreed. I then advised my wife if we could start a business and with some savings we had, maybe I could use it to enhance my former business, maybe things might be better this time. She did not show any interest. This time I discovered changes in my wife.

One day she asked me if she could use part of them money to do a course, honestly I was shocked but asked why she did not oblige to my own request. She said "its my money I can use it for whatever I want". My wife however did the course.

To cut the story short, 3 years down the line, my wife stopped having sex with me and this continued for a long time. I became like "shit in her eyes". I lost a bit of confidence though. she would wake me with insults and barrage of dirty words. Because of our child, I agreed to stay a home and try to work online and seek clients and jobs from old client. It was not bad but not promising.

Fortunately for us, my wife got a promotion and her salary was increased to about 170,000. This actually brought out the worst in my wife. Her calmness disappeared and all decorum was buried. We would quarrel everyday and not talk for weeks. She became really mean and controlled everything at home. Please note, she is not a bad woman but can't explain the reasons up till date. I was with no option but to query her sincerity as a wife and that continued for a long time. Our sex life became zero, she would tell me having sex would make her pregnant and was not ready for a second child. Her stories kept on changing and became even worse, rather than coming home she would pass by her mom and be there till late in the night before coming home.

After about 3 years of trying to get something to do, I finally got a place on the island sometime in February 2018, where I would be paid a stipend of 50,000. In addition, I would use my free time to design, print and sell business cards to small companies. The overall income was small but enough for some immediate obligations at home. But to be fair, that was the best I could get since I have not had money in a long time. Unfortunately my wages were not consistent due to challenges the company was facing. But I used the Business card printing to augment wherever possible.

Later in 2018 around September, I discovered that my wife had been having an illicit engagement. She had a male fried and I finally got to know about it and confronted her. She did not deny it, she begged and I forgave her. Anyway, I had made up my mind to forgive because of the kid and I never told anyone till date. Moreover, since we were not making love that was of course enough reason for the drastic measure, I told myself. To be sincere I had lost feeling for my wife and sex was difficult. We finally started having sex but I had little to offer her. I would pretend and even have to watch Indecency to be able to have sex with her. I was dead inside. At least my wife was still with me. That was my solace. I guess trust was broken. She however continued with her escapades. The quarrels increased and got worse. There and then name calling became our breakfast and dinner. She advised that since I would never look at her the same and bringing little or nothing to the table that I was free to go. The quarrels went on for quite some time, my wife will go very violent on me some of the times. I am marshal artist with black belt and I have great restraint - for me, fighting and going violent on her was never on the table. One day I thought there was a need to move out and I did indicated to her that I was not comfortable living with her anymore.. That wherever I am, I will see how I can take care of the kids.

She did not care and things became difficult for me. I felt maybe I could stay for sometime, It might be a difficult condition but still not impossible. This became my Achilles heels. There and then I knew my relationship had broken and irreparable. I accepted there was nothing I could, but to be patient and tried to convince myself about our situations and believed our situation was bad, but God’s willing we would overcome. The fight even got worse and became very violent and physical, I would normally just take the beating or hold her hands to avoid any injuries.

The quarrels was beginning to be in the glare of my Kids and since it was not abating, there was little I could do to change the situation. I finally made up my mind on the 19th of May 2019 to move out, but actually moved out on the 30th of May, 2019. Before then on the 26th of May, 2019, I discovered my wife was again engaging in the illicit affair. She would claim she was going to church only to be found at a different location. Honestly I can’t blame her, I blame myself and the situation that caused the demise of our once cherished marriage. At this point in time I realised I had lost and had no fight in me anymore. My kids are still very young. Everyday quarrels, lack of sincere engagement, denials upon denials and her fear of facing her “DEMON” with little chance of her understanding the consequence of her actions - I was left with no choice but to stop FIGHTING. I had no fight left in me. The ultimate decision was to leave. I did not inform her parent about the issue because I had indicated to her I did not want them to look at her differently.

God so good, I got a 500,000 Naira job through a friend in an oil company with a 3bedroon in Lekki fully paid up for 3years by the company. By the way, I am Data Analyst but never practiced for a long time. I studied Computer engineering but for a long time grace did not smile on me. I take care of my kid and I really don't hate her and I am at peace with everything. She still has her job and doing well.

Please note that she did not tell me to leave, I left on my own volition. I could not share the same bed with my wife anymore she apparently could not muster enough strength to stop all iniquities for a conversation that will help see things through. Rather she is turning to blame it on me. We have however resolved to part on a friendly note for the sake of our child.

My reason for posting this is because most us sit behind the desk and computers and do not understood the demons everyone is battling. On a bad day, the best husbands are MONSTER, while the best wives are DEVILS. When we make judgment as males or female. We should not forget about our female child/children, same goes for the male child. I don't know what my wife tells people about what happened but I really don't care and I have made up my mind never to defend myself.

Thanks for reading.

Tunmi

Bro sorry about your marriage, but i see you are god writer, you can register as an opera hub writer and make good cash

tunmiluabi:
Thank you...

Hey, inasmuch as I admire your calmness in the situation you found yourself, you didn't do well by quiting. You should have fought for your marriage properly.
If you've seen the movie "War room", you will know what I am talking about. This is a marriage that God has trusted you with, and you are answerable to Him.

All I am saying is, you should have taken your case to the God that ordained marriage in the first place. All you need to do is repent and surrender to Him. Persist in prayers. Allow God to guide you. And you would see a Miraculous turn around.
He will starting by restoring your love for your wife. This love would drive you to intercede for her on a daily basis.

My brother, this is a battle, and it's not a physical one.
Advice.

You could still do something. Start now. Go to God in repentance. Start praying for your wife and your family. I bet you, in a short while, you would see a miracle.

God bless you

Ybaby:
In a family setting the husband provides he protects - locks the doors at night, spiritual head, kids school fees, shelter, discipline etc

the wife nurtures basically she she does everything else - family health, ego stroking, storytime, PTA, Home cleaniness, Kids to school, Gifts for Teachers, Arranging holiday time, Nourishment etc

For the kids
She teaches affection and pampering - he teaches affection and courage
They both teach self esteem but it is more of his responsibility to let his kids know the child of who they are
They both do homework but it is her responsibility to teach and guide the child in the path of moral
They both teach business but it is more of Daddy's role
etc





Any job! some jobs are more feminine but she can do any job as long as she is able to perform the above duties for her family

I run a software company and code really well - we have a staff of about 30 programmers
I run an importation company and own 5 ecommerce websites that are doing quite well
Also a media company that is doing ok but could be better
Both companies are over 6 years and though my husband gave me capital - he does not ask me for money and he never will. Na man him be.



My husband is not required to do chores in the house at all. If he wants to - all well and good but he is a very busy man with plenty on his shoulder- because of him other men have a salary to feed their family.

I have helps that do chores and I coordinate. I cook dinner every night too and make sure we have a meal together Oga, myself and the children. We talk about our day and give support. Crack jokes - watch TV or play monopoly.
He also gives one weekend a month for family recreation and a vacation every year - all funded by him but organised by moi



Once a boss slapped by ass, I slapped him and my husband later locked him up. No one messes with the Queen.

I also never say no to seexx in 19 years. I respect my husband as in truly adore and respect him not audio type. He is a one of a kind man and he in turn adores me even more - I am the queen

Hope this answers your question

Queen ego stroker! Liar buruku!

Ybaby:
Oga ade, the epistle is long so I did not read it.

Pls refer back to your free will.

Thanks

That yeye thing between your legs dey trip you. Be like say you hammer one Igbo mumu for husband.