abbatoir:


You lack ego.

u know how many married men dey ask me money daily and dey have a wife

i no dey kuku help anybody again please lets be guided biko

u know sabi me anywhere

Prymestrr:

It won't surprise me to see her tag a lady that doesn't fit into her warped ideology as an infidel too while quoting her poorly comprehended bible verses to backup. The woman is such a disgrace the institution of matrimony

You too see am?

dayleke:


You too see am?

I notice say the woman na empty vessel from the onset jare na why I no even bother to engage am any further.
Na her kind na e me deh try make sure say I deh avoid for this life. That kind person fit feed her husband him own shit for old age
Even her moniker Ybaby deh sound like man weh deh lament him wasted life with her kind person like "why baby...?"

JYKZ:
I believe u married someone's else wife, may be u even snatched her from another man bcs he wasn't buoyant enough. and now nemesis is catching up with u. carry ur cross bro.

How did you come to that conclusion?

Prymestrr:

I notice say the woman na empty vessel from the onset jare na why I no even bother to engage am any further.
Na her kind na e me deh try make sure say I deh avoid for this life. That kind person fit feed her husband him own shit for old age
Even her moniker Ybaby deh sound like man weh deh mourn him wasted life with her kind person like "why baby...?"

Me, I kuku apologize to her sef for quoting her when I realized wetin she dey talk.
You funny o with the moniker analysis.
Why baby? (y.baby)

PrimadonnaO:


I agree. Somehow, I feel the option of a divorce and possible remarriage makes people careless with their choice of a spouse. Because that’s where the problem starts from.

If people were more conscious about the fact that they are in for a FOREVER ride, they’ll choose their partners VERY CAREFULLY... and after that, put in utmost effort to see that the marriage works.

People these days are reckless with relationships.
They hardly take their time to get to know each other better before engaging in premarital intercourse.

Mariangeles:


People these days are reckless with relationships.
They hardly take their time to get to know each other better before engaging in premarital intercourse.

That too... and once sex is in the mix, everything else is blindsided.

tunmiluabi:


Maybe you are right, no doubt, I might have misread the situation. But do you think with 170K she would have been able to pay the rent of 950k/year and and still pay school fees for our child? I say no. We both had mutual contributions and projection. I fulfilled my part. I never failed.

I would like to say before I got married, I might not have been doing so well, but I funded the marriage with my 3years of savings. That same business might not have been doing well but it had its times. Sometimes I will bring home 10k, 20k/month, although it might take some time to bring so much but when its good 2 to 3months apart I can bring about 200k.. for 6month I may go with very little. still, I was hopeful it would be better.

During her earlier salary situation was not bad, probably because we were in a 1bed apartment and the pressure was less - Also, I was providing the much I could. As indicated in my earlier lines most of my income went into doing practically everything. She contributed immnesly as well.

It only got really worse when the position came. The new apartment even took a lot out of us. I agreed to the move because I felt saving for the rent might not be a difficult thing to do. Till I left the apartment we never owed.

Despite quarrels, I was still able help her with the transition to the new position. The transition was such that she had to be good at at staistics and business modeling for the new marketing Insight role. I trained her in SAS, advanced excel and Power BI before I left the house. Coupled with her natural brilliance she was able to secure it. What more could I have done. If I was lazy I would not have had time for that and would normally have told her to look else where. There were times when I would walk from iponri to fadeyi and back seeking clients going form shop to shop, office to office to secure client. That is not to say I did not use public transport. There were also time when I will call friends to help as well.

If you read my threads well, I had my share of good contributions and support. I might not have met up of to her expectation.

Some comment indicted I might have been weak. Maybe, but what I know is that, I am happy for the way handled the situation. It could have turned out terrible. I was hopeful things were going to change. That kept me going. You can't force a change on anyone. You can only do your part.

I believe these things happens, it has happened to many people, I will not be first and the last, why fight a lost battle. I fought for my marriage the best I could. I might not have been so religious about it, but I did the best I could. I have fought many battles, I won some, I lost some. In this particular one I lost woefully.

In one of the threads, someone indicated I might have cheated with another woman or even have left with another woman. I could have, I wish I did but I did not. I have the right mental strength to whistand the situation but maybe I lacks the right approach to deal with it. Its a pity our frustrations are different and problems are unique, just like the way we deal with them. I have no comment. I might not be a saint but I really do know what I want.

Please I would like to make this submission my last one. Permit me to rest my case. Thank you all.

That was your vindication!

wirinet:


It seems you are ignorant that Cosmas Maduka was an "infidel" before he married Charity. Cosmas married charity at the age of 19 years when he had nothing, and they build their fortune together. Their company CosCharis (COSmas and CHARIty) is a testament that his wife was critical to his success.

Abeg tell her ooh. Also remind her tat his wife became a graduate at a tie she he wasnt even close to it..

Ybaby:


You want the truth?

Any woman will act like OP wife... the husband may just never find out but she will seek masculine energy somewhere else
Usually from her boss at work.

RUBBISH NONSENSE.. You are obviously telling us here what you would do if I such situation

sylve11:



This is deep..

What is deep about that? Does that even make sense to you ? Sighs

PrimadonnaO:



I Cor 7:10-11 “Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife.”


Rom 7:1-3 Or do you not know, brethren (for I speak to those who know the law), that the law has dominion over a man as long as he lives? For the woman who has a husband is bound by the law to her husband as long as he lives. But if the husband dies, she is released from the law of her husband. So then if, while her husband lives, she marries another man, she will be called an adulteress; but if her husband dies, she is free from that law, so that she is no adulteress, though she has married another man.”


Truthfully, I’m personally seeking clarification on this, too, because ignorance is not an excuse in the sight of God. But that’s what the Bible says...

The scriptures you quoted are simply reaffirming the scriptures the other fellow quoted. The only ground permissible for divorce is when a husband or wife commits adultery. Therefore, remarriage is allowed in that context. Also, remarriage is acceptable if any of the couple dies.

However, if a couple separates for any other reason , remarriage is precluded. Otherwise it would be a case of adultery. This implies that the scriptures also allows for separation but without the option of remarriage .

Jascon4:


The scriptures you quoted are simply reaffirming the scriptures the other fellow quoted. The only ground permissible for divorce is when a husband or wife commits adultery. Therefore, remarriage is allowed in that context. Also, remarriage is acceptable if any of the couple dies.

However, if a couple separates for any other reason , remarriage is precluded. Otherwise it would be a case of adultery. This implies that the scriptures also allows for separation but without the option of remarriage .

Where did you read that one from?

What I understood is that remarriage is only permissible once the erstwhile spouse dies.

dapadawee:
someone tell this girl that crime don't pay

please I did not send this picture am not responsible for it o I don't know this lady and she has done me nothing wrong pls disregard this post

I may not totally support OP's decision not to defend himself or tell his own side of the story, but I must commend his maturity and favourable disposition towards life and optimism of the future. Not vengeful, bitter, or resentful against his wife shows how good an individual he is. I wish him the best as he progresses past this phase. His character is of a rare kind.

PrimadonnaO:


The Bible never said to remarry, except one’s spouse dies.

Adultery allowed you to marry. if not adultery any break up in marriage is considered separation which is not allowed to remarry.

jcross19:
Adultery allowed you to marry. if not adultery any break up in marriage is considered separation which is not allowed to remarry.

Okay o.

Ybaby:

And what happens if unfortunately he loses his job and all? You'll give him three months to get himself back on track or you turn to a "demon"?

Does this also mean you subscribe to the idea of rich Igbo men who prefer their wives being housewives or just open a little shop for him while the man provides all the funds needed?

I'm actually learning a lot from you, Ma.

Yampotatocarrot:


And what happens if unfortunately he loses his job and all? You'll give him three months to get himself back on track or you turn to a "demon"?

Does this also mean you subscribe to the idea of rich Igbo men who prefer their wives being housewives or just open a little shop for him while the man provides all the funds needed?

I'm actually learning a lot from you, Ma.

I am only answering this because you sound like you really want to learn as I have extensively shared my view and facts on these matter.

Let's reverse roles, a man meets a woman who is size 8 and after 3 kids she is now size 22 and everytime he says I am not attracted to your new body, instead of her going to the gym and running 6 hours on the treadmill - she prefers to play the guilt card that this body is like this because I bore you 3 kids (she is right)

does that automatically make the man attracted to her 22 frame?

NO!

He may put up with it but he is not taking her out , sex is not the same, he is not buying her gifts and he may fall for a size 8 side chic

Bad of him!

It is not the man, it is his programming.

The woman can report to thier pastor, open a thread on NL, pray, shout, blackmail, change her moniker on NL, get other size 22 women to rally with it, organize a rally, riot
..... he is not attracted to her!!!!!

The man may pretend to be attracted, have sex with her, eat her food, even love her, cherish her but sexually he is not attracted to her.

Now!

It is his programming. He will be patient for 3 months or maybe a year who knows but patience is not the same as attraction

Men want beauty - women want security

If this thread gets to page 500 it does not change this fact.

It is not logical it is programming

Only the gym or plastic surgery can help her
Only being a provider man can help him


Also thanks guys for making me the most popular NL member for this weekend.

I appreciate it. All attention is valuable , negative or positive - 48 laws of power

I will not be adding more to this thread but feel free to tag me.

Infidels, Kiss my jiggly ass if you have time to be on NL and you are not paying your kids school fees.

Ire.

PrimadonnaO:


Where did you read that one from?

What I understood is that remarriage is only permissible once the erstwhile spouse dies.

"I say to you that whoever divorces his wife, except on the grounds of sexual immorality, and marries another commits adultery.” Matthew 19:9.

Read that scripture very carefully.
One is free to divorce and remarry only if the partner is guilty of sexual immorality . Otherwise, if divorce and remarriage is carried out on any other ground , it would be an adultery. Clearly , adultery is the only reason the Bible permits a divorce. And divorce means dissolution of marriage.

Jascon4:


"I say to you that whoever divorces his wife, except on the grounds of sexual immorality, and marries another commits adultery.” Matthew 19:9.

Read that scripture very carefully.
One is free to divorce and remarry only if the partner is guilty of sexual immorality . Otherwise, if divorce and remarriage is carried out on any other ground , it would be an adultery. Clearly , adultery is the only reason the Bible permits a divorce.

You know, I had to bring this to my pastor today... and we searched different Bible translations together.

Matthew 19:7-12
[7]“Then why did Moses say in the law that a man could give his wife a written notice of divorce and send her away?” they asked.
[8]Jesus replied, “Moses permitted divorce only as a concession to your hard hearts, but it was not what God had originally intended.
[9]And I tell you this, whoever divorces his wife and marries someone else commits adultery—unless his wife has been unfaithful.”
[10]Jesus’ disciples then said to him, “If this is the case, it is better not to marry!”
[11]“Not everyone can accept this statement,” Jesus said. “Only those whom God helps.
[12]Some are born as eunuchs, some have been made eunuchs by others, and some choose not to marry for the sake of the Kingdom of Heaven. Let anyone accept this who can.”


Verse 9 resolved my doubts. I’m happy I’m finally cleared on the matter. Thanks, dear.

PrimadonnaO:



You know, I had to bring this to my pastor today... and we searched different Bible translations together.

Matthew 19:7-12
[7]“Then why did Moses say in the law that a man could give his wife a written notice of divorce and send her away?” they asked.
[8]Jesus replied, “Moses permitted divorce only as a concession to your hard hearts, but it was not what God had originally intended.
[9]And I tell you this, whoever divorces his wife and marries someone else commits adultery—unless his wife has been unfaithful.”
[10]Jesus’ disciples then said to him, “If this is the case, it is better not to marry!”
[11]“Not everyone can accept this statement,” Jesus said. “Only those whom God helps.
[12]Some are born as eunuchs, some have been made eunuchs by others, and some choose not to marry for the sake of the Kingdom of Heaven. Let anyone accept this who can.”


Verse 9 resolved my doubts. I’m happy I’m finally cleared on the matter. Thanks, dear.

You are welcome . I am pleased your doubt has been cleared .

Ybaby:


I am only answering this because you sound like you really want to learn as I have extensively shared my view and facts on these matter.

Let's reverse roles, a man meets a woman who is size 8 and after 3 kids she is now size 22 and everytime he says I am not attracted to your new body, instead of her going to the gym and running 6 hours on the treadmill - she prefers to play the guilt card that this body is like this because I bore you 3 kids (she is right)

does that automatically make the man attracted to her 22 frame?

NO!

He may put up with it but he is not taking her out , sex is not the same, he is not buying her gifts and he may fall for a size 8 side chic

Bad of him!

It is not the man, it is his programming.

The woman can report to thier pastor, open a thread on NL, pray, shout, blackmail, change her moniker on NL, get other size 22 women to rally with it, organize a rally, riot
..... he is not attracted to her!!!!!

The man may pretend to be attracted, have sex with her, eat her food, even love her, cherish her but sexually he is not attracted to her.

Now!

It is his programming. He will be patient for 3 months or maybe a year who knows but patience is not the same as attraction

Men want beauty - women want security

If this thread gets to page 500 it does not change this fact.

It is not logical it is programming

Only the gym or plastic surgery can help her
Only being a provider man can help him


Also thanks guys for making me the most popular NL member for this weekend.

I appreciate it. All attention is valuable , negative or positive - 48 laws of power

I will not be adding more to this thread but feel free to tag me.

Infidels, Kiss my jiggly ass if you have time to be on NL and you are not paying your kids school fees.

Ire.

I have refrained from responding to your thoughts on this issue but with your latest submission, I can't hold myself any longer. You have thought me what will last a lifetime.

I have been through peaks and valleys in life and have experienced close to what the OP cited but never understood why until now. You carefully dissected women's and nature's expectations of men and the consequences of possible shortfall.

I have had my own share of these consequences when my business went South. Though I struggled to meet some basic obligation like shelter, clothing, feeding and schooling (at a substandard level), I was still lashed at.

It got to a point that she questioned my "manliness"; "se okunrin ni wo yi sha? ti won ba n wa okunrin iwo na a nawo soke, hmmm" meaning "are you really a man, if they are making roll call of men, would you raise your hands"? I heard that particular statement two different times and vowed never to forgive her.

A woman that have been to different countries that I have never been to on my bill, a woman that I have bought three vehicles, the last being a brand new SUV. I could not meet those luxury any longer and all hell was let loose.

@ybaby changed my mind with her submission and made me see reason why she acted that way. Between Thursday and today I have had to give her something daily against my earlier vow.

Gentlemen, take it as it is and do all you can to discharge your responsibility to your wife and family. Do not be an infidel!

AstuteJay:


I have refrained from responding to your thoughts on this issue but with your latest submission, I can't hold myself any longer. You have thought me what will last a lifetime.

I have been through peaks and valleys in life and have experienced close to what the OP cited but never understood why until now. You carefully dissected women's and nature's expectations of men and the consequences of possible shortfall.

I have had my own share of these consequences when my business went South. Though I struggled to meet some basic obligation like shelter, clothing, feeding and schooling (at a substandard level), I was still lashed at.

It got to a point that she questioned my "manliness"; "se okunrin ni wo yi sha? ti won ba n wa okunrin iwo na a nawo soke, hmmm" meaning "are you really a man, if they are making roll call of men, would you raise your hands"? I heard that particular statement two different times and vowed never to forgive her.

A woman that have been to different countries that I have never been to on my bill, a woman that I have bought three vehicles, the last being a brand new SUV. I could not meet those luxury any longer and all hell was let loose.

@ybaby changed my mind with her submission and made me see reason why she acted that way. Between Thursday and today I have had to give her something daily against my earlier vow.

Gentlemen, take it as it is and do all you can to discharge your responsibility to your wife and family. Do not be an infidel!

Chai!

You made me reply sha
Yoruba say owo la fi she oko obinrin (it is wisdom not a saying)

May God restore all you have lost and take you higher beyond your dreams..... HE is your provider and will NEVER let you down.

AstuteJay:


I have refrained from responding to your thoughts on this issue but with your latest submission, I can't hold myself any longer. You have thought me what will last a lifetime.

I have been through peaks and valleys in life and have experienced close to what the OP cited but never understood why until now. You carefully dissected women's and nature's expectations of men and the consequences of possible shortfall.

I have had my own share of these consequences when my business went South. Though I struggled to meet some basic obligation like shelter, clothing, feeding and schooling (at a substandard level), I was still lashed at.

It got to a point that she questioned my "manliness"; "se okunrin ni wo yi sha? ti won ba n wa okunrin iwo na a nawo soke, hmmm" meaning "are you really a man, if they are making roll call of men, would you raise your hands"? I heard that particular statement two different times and vowed never to forgive her.

A woman that have been to different countries that I have never been to on my bill, a woman that I have bought three vehicles, the last being a brand new SUV. I could not meet those luxury any longer and all hell was let loose.

@ybaby changed my mind with her submission and made me see reason why she acted that way. Between Thursday and today I have had to give her something daily against my earlier vow.

Gentlemen, take it as it is and do all you can to discharge your responsibility to your wife and family. Do not be an infidel!

In real sense actually the woman married you for all those things you could provide.
She wasn't for your person.
There are other men in there hard times, there women remained faithful, true and supportive.
And some men can die of heart related issues, who doesn't have strong mind.

Such thing happened to a cousin of mine, his own lasted close to five years.
We were discussing about it earlier this year, he told me if he had married another woman from his wife, he would have been dead by now. Actually he met two ladies before his wife, but God saved him that he didn't marry them. They would have left him.

But his wife stayed and totally supported him, those five years was terrible for him.
Today he is worth 100s of millions, owns a manufacturing plant that employs over 80 people. Bought a brand new top of the range SUV last year for his wife. Who he sees as his best friend.

A man can have serious down time. I have seen billionaires go bust. Even Donald Trump one time went bankrupt, but he later bounced back to later become the US President. Life happens.

djon78:






In real sense actually the woman married you for all those things you could provide.
She wasn't for your person.
There are other men in there hard times, there women remained faithful, true and supportive.
And some men can die of heart related issues, who doesn't have strong mind.

Such thing happened to a cousin of mine, his own lasted close to five years.
We were discussing about it earlier this year, he told me if he had married another woman from his wife, he would have been dead by now. Actually he met two ladies before his wife, but God saved him that he didn't marry them. They would have left him.

But his wife stayed and totally supported him, those five years was terrible for him.
Today he is worth 100s of millions, owns a manufacturing plant that employs over 80 people. Bought a brand new top of the range SUV last year for his wife. Who he sees as his best friend.

A man can have serious down time. I have seen billionaires go bust. Even Donald Trump one time went bankrupt, but he later bounced back to later become the US President. Life happens.

You may be right but the learning point remains same.

8 out of 10 women would react same way if not worse. A friend's wife packed out when he had same issue, thank God he is equally geting out of the hole now.

Resilience, patience, perseverance are virtues that differ from person to person.

AstuteJay:


You may be right but the learning point remains same.

8 out of 10 women would react same way if not worse. A friend's wife packed out when he had same issue, thank God he is equally geting out of the hole now.

Resilience, patience, perseverance are virtues that differ from person to person.

Like I said men that don't have shock absorbers may not survive such treatment. That's why it's very dangerous. And there is absolutely no justification for it. Someone that you have been taking good care of, and then turns on you when things get bad is not just an eyesore before men, it's same before God.
That's why wedding vows is a very strong swearing : for better for worse.

It has ruined men without heart, just like a bad behaved evil husband has ruined good women too.

Yampotatocarrot:


And what happens if unfortunately he loses his job and all? You'll give him three months to get himself back on track or you turn to a "demon"?

Does this also mean you subscribe to the idea of rich Igbo men who prefer their wives being housewives or just open a little shop for him while the man provides all the funds needed?

I'm actually learning a lot from you, Ma.

Yes, we prefer that. Just sit at and do nothing

Ybaby:


I am only answering this because you sound like you really want to learn as I have extensively shared my view and facts on these matter.-* e.

As absurd as your opinion might sound to the current generation, I actually see a lot of sense in it. I've looked at it from all angles being debated here and yours see is the most appropriate.

We know marriages have their challenges but one major challenge will always be finances, and this "swapping of roles" in marriage have made it more difficult.

From your submission, I've been able to pick salient facts.

Men should ALWAYS provide for their family... ALWAYS. It's their duty and responsibility. This implies that a man whose finances can sustain his family in Katsina state should not move that family to Lagos, because if he does without reasonable improvement in finances, he'll just bring problem to the family. Let men learn to live and marry according to their class/level. It's better to be seen as a real man, and provide adequately for your family even if you live in a village, than move to cities where your finances won't be able to sustain the family and loose your "manliness" in the presence of your wife.

On the other hand, women should go back to fulfilling their traditional roles in the family. A woman that can't "take care" of her home should stay unmarried in her parent's house no matter her age until she learns how to take care of a home.

Looking at it critically, you'll realise that this was how it was during the days of our forefather. Most men claim mothers of old were loyal and all, did they realise there were no swapping of roles during those periods? That was why mothers were blamed for moral decadence in children, while fathers felt like failures if they weren't able to sustain their families or their sons didn't amount to much in life . (Read - Things fall apart)

Thanks for the enlightenment. I hope we singles read through the thread, extract the lessons to be learnt and take decisions accordingly, under God.

Genset:

Yes, we prefer that. Just sit at and do nothing

Lol, you are funny. My dear, read her submission. There is no place she said women should "sit at home and do nothing".

There are roles for women to carry out in the family also. She is saying just as men carry out their traditional responsibilities, women should do the same.

Same way she doesn't spare the flesh for men who can't fulfil their roles, I'm sure she wouldn't do same for women who can't fulfil theirs also. (If you read one of the posts, she mentioned how she takes care of her own home even talked about never denying her husband of sex)

If a man should be jettisoned for not being able to provide for his family after a period of time, that'll imply a woman should also get ready to be sent packing if she can't fulfil her traditional roles in the home or starts growing fat and shapeless without working on herself (no body-shaming intended).

seunlayi:



Marriage is cool, interesting and a blessing, it depends on our choice, it is not something you jump into without sweat like an ordinary union btw two members of opposite sex.

@Op, sorry that it took you too long to understand your proud wife, I thank God for helping you out of it all. Take care of your child and move on. As for your wife (if I were you) that is the end. I can bear 1000 men with evidence of sleeping with my wife before I met her than just one man that slept with her after I married her.
Take care of your new job, relax from your former relationship before starting another

Nice advice for the op