This my next door neighbor, her husband is always beating her even in front of their kids. It has become a norm for her to receive beating two to three times weekly, he beats her and sometimes locks her outside with her two kids.

Most of the beating always happens when she asks him money for food, this her husband is rich always driving around with small girls in his car. When I ask her to leave, she would say no that she doesn't want her marriage to break up. I wonder what she is protecting. The type of abuses I am seeing, domestic violence is a norm, cheating is a norm.

Nigeria marriages are scary.
I am moving to a new apartment, just if my neighbor's husband ends up killing her, I don't want to be interrogated for murder.

And you opened a new account to talk about your neighbor's marital issues?

Your neighbor would be in the best position to answer why she continues in a marriage where she is battered without doing anything to save herself or remedy the situation.

I don dey ask this question for more than 20years

bukatyne:
And you opened a new account to talk about your neighbor's marital issues?

Your neighbor would be in the best position to answer why she continues in a marriage where she is battered without doing anything.

Even if she does anything, is beating her and in front of her kids the right thing to do ?

Some say for the Mrs tag
Some for the money
Some say for their children
Some say all men are same
Some don't have a reason

I used to judge these people alot till I was involved with a toxic partner, I walked away several times but dude kept coming back until the day I stood my ground it was enough

Yes, I still loved him when I walked away, it wasn't so easy but I had to for my mental health..

Now, not everyone have that courage to, considering the kind of society we came from

Kaien:
Even if she does anything, is beating her and in front of her kids the right thing to do ?

I did not say the husband did right (why you would assume that is a wonder) ; I said she is in the best position to answer why she is still staying since you are concerned about it.

And I have updated my post for 'further clarity.'

I am curious to know your old moniker/alternate

bukatyne:




I am curious to know your old moniker/alternate

You mean hanti could be the one

In as much as the man is wrong for beating his wife in front of the kids. The woman still stand on what she vowed for at the alter.

BTW will you marry her if she divorce the husband?

Some women be Enduring their marriage instead of Enjoying their marriage......

This is what you get when you marry a man that is ready instead of marrying a man that truely love you.......

Well, It's a Mans world.

bukatyne:


I did not say the husband did right (why you would assume that is a wonder) ; I said she is in the best position to answer why she is still staying since you are concerned about it.

And I have updated my post for 'further clarity.'

I am curious to know your old moniker/alternate

I don't see how my old moniker is of concern to you, just post your opinion and leave.

Some of the reasons are low self-esteem, low self-worth and the thought that they can't earn to take care of self and the children. Socialization has also played a role in some women believing that there is heroism in enduring abusive marriage, many grew up seeing their own mothers hanging on to abusive marriages and most times still got to "outlive" their abusive fathers. "So if my mother survived my father, I can also survive my abusive husband". These women become depersonalized in order to "cope" with the Intimate Partner Violence (IPV)

Any woman who hangs on to an abusive marriage with the excuse that she is still there because of her children is living in self-denial as she is using the children as a cover up for her fear of leaving "the comfort zone".

A dysfunctional family is a fertile ground to raise children who would have a higher chance of growing up into damaged adults and the sad circle continues.

A broken home is not only where one of the parent is no longer in the daily life of the spouse and the child(ren) between them but also where both parents are under the same roof but toxic is the atmosphere in the home.

Kaien:
I don't see how my old moniker is of concern to you, just post your opinion and leave.

Leave to where?

I am wondering why you are salty this blessed afternoon.

Dyt:


You mean hanti could be the one

I don't even assume alternate monikers unless they claim it.

Eku pandemic

bukatyne:


Leave to where?

I am wondering why you are salty this blessed afternoon.

K

Kaien:
This my next door neighbor, her husband is always beating her even in front of their kids, it has become a norm for her to receive beating two to three times weekly, he beats her and sometimes locks her outside with her two kids. Most of the beating always happens when she asks him money for food, this her husband is rich always driving around with small girls in his car. When I ask her to leave, she would say no that she doesn't want her marriage to break up. I wonder what she is protecting. The type of abuses I am seeing, domestic violence is a norm, cheating is a norm.
Nigeria marriages are scary.
I am moving to a new apartment, just if my neighbor's husband ends up killing her, I don't want to be interrogated for murder.

I wonder why you believe domestic abuse is a Nigerian thing. Each and every society has women with low self esteem & men who prey on such weaknesses.

Some of the reasons for some women stay ;

1.finances( she has never learnt to fend for herself, I mostly blame the parents on this one),
2.societal pressure ( stigma of failing in marriage, verg silly in this day & age imo)
3. toxic background( grew up in an abusive or with negligent parents ,basically they feel they have nowhere to run to).
4. Fear of being alone (extreme self hate if you ask me).

They don't want to lose the security, children, prestige by walking away from the marriage.
The signs are always there during courtship but....

Dyt:
Some say for the Mrs tag
Some for the money
Some say for their children
Some say all men are same
Some don't have a reason

I used to judge these people alot till I was involved with a toxic partner, I walked away several times but dude kept coming back until the day I stood my ground it was enough

Yes, I still loved him when I walked away, it wasn't so easy but I had to for my mental health..

Now, not everyone have that courage to, considering the kind of society we came from

Permission to ask a question:

What did you love about him despite his toxicity?

ojun50:
I don dey ask this question for more than 20years

The question is same as:

Why do married women endure cheating husbands?

My take:

An average Nigerian woman (I like to use Nigeria as my reference ) does not see cheating and domestic abuse as 'bad' or 'intolerable.' Oh yes they will rant about it, say they can't take it, organize NGOs for it etc yet look at their choices:

It is the same way an average guy would say he can't marry a broke girl or an artificial one or a non-virgin till you see their choices. These things are not 'intolerable or so bad' to them.

Or how we complain our leaders are bad and vote same people year in, year out.

If you want to know what a society doesn't tolerate, check the vices you can't find or are very hidden e.g. homosexuality is a vice not tolerated in our society or 'publicly proclaiming you don't believe in a god/supreme being.'

As a result, homosexuals would do everything to deflect from themselves. You would just hear rumours of an exclusive club or members; you can't bet anything worthy you know anyone except you are a member yourself.

I know only one atheist in real life. Just one and he still tells me 'my daughter, God bless you.'

The vices you see exhibited in plain sight, forget it.

bukatyne:


Permission to ask a question:

What did you love about him despite his toxicity?

That was his imperfection, except that, dude was a great guy, he loved me a great deal but that his anger thing was what I couldn't deal with, he was obsessed, I mean dude even fought men that looked at me, that was how bad it was..

There are so many things that makes one great in a relationship, he loved me with care, was scared to lose me thereby over protection..

One thing that turns me on in my relationship is when my partner trusts and owns me
It makes me fly, dammnit

I just couldn't stand the toxic part, he became abusive, I couldn't say hi to men, I couldn't even talk/chat with men and he couldn't stand me smiling and laughing with others while I frown at him, it makes him feel like he should kill me

It is precisely because most women see marriage as a life-retirement package and would like to remain in it, rather than terminate it and become single all over again. Men also show great commitment to marriage but the number of women enduring abuse in marriage pales in comparison to that of men. And since many of them aren't financially independent, they rather stay put and take the abuse in good faith rather than expose themselves and their children to an uncharted life with great uncertainties.

The society has a rabid, unpleasant view of women of certain age bracket and divorcee, especially if they are women. No dispassionate commentary will gloss over the impact of our patriarchal system that foists such notion on women. For example, once a lady gets married, no one expects her to return to her father's house, not even her family members. So, she has task cut out, even if it means enduring life-threatening abuses.

It is important to always go back to the beginning.

People who are born into abusive homes will most likely subconsciously tilt towards abusive partners.
When a child grows up seeing dad and mum fight,or mum.being beaten up,they watch mum cry and struggle ,they believe that in relationships it is normal to cry and struggle too.


When they speak to their crying mum,she may say daddy loves us,it's my fault for not cooking the food well,or it's my fault I was rude.

They then adapt to this notion and begin to reason in like manner.



They learn at a tender age that this is what marriage is or this is what love is. Some believe if their partner is not beating them or if their partner is not abusive,they don't really love them.

They then marry abusers and of course the cycle continues.Their own interpretation of marriage is that beating and abuse is normal so why should they leave?
Their mothers stayed so why should they leave?

A broken family is worse than an abusive one so why should they leave?

They take on the culture of self blame,they come on the internet and see where people recount worse and still remain ,people tell them to adjust themselves further and marriage is for better or worse so again the question remains: Why should they leave?

When your self confidence and esteem are eroded from a very young age,it is almost impossible to be emotionally normal.

They think they are staying for their children and forget it is still the same vicious cycle.

Truth is they do not believe they deserve better,they have never known better and will remain trapped in a prison that is not just physical but mental.

It is the very brave ones that begin to question issues and then decide to leave.

It's not just about money,even rich women are abused but remain.

When a person is traumatised,they view and interact with the world differently.

Dyt:


That was his imperfection, except that, dude was a great guy, he loved me a great deal but that his anger thing was what I couldn't deal with, he was obsessed, I mean dude even fought men that looked at me, that was how bad it was..

There are so many things that makes one great in a relationship, he loved me with care, was scared to lose me thereby over protection..

One thing that turns me on in my relationship is when my partner trusts and owns me
It makes me fly, dammnit

I just couldn't stand the toxic part, he became abusive, I couldn't say hi to men, I couldn't even talk/chat with men and he couldn't stand me smiling and laughing with others while I frown at him, it makes him feel like he should kill me

Thank God Dyt is alive so we can assume you didn't laugh with others while frowning at him

Did you ever dig to find out what made him so possessive and insanely jealous?

The answers could have lain in his childhood.

Very interesting topic.

Lalasticl.ala please move this thread to fp.

bukatyne:


Thank God Dyt is alive so we can assume you didn't laugh with others while frowning at him

Did you ever dig to find out what made him so possessive and insanely jealous?

The answers could have lain in his childhood.

He doesn't know, we talked about it, I wanted to help him but dude just says he loves me too much, doesnt wanna lose me blabla and that wasn't enough for me

He becomes a monster at the sight of me laughing with others
He starts hitting me and crying why I am doing this to him
Mehn, I had to run

He pleaded, tried so hard to get me back but I said Na, I am too beautiful to die cos of your anger isdue

He's still trying to get me back, he still thinks I will never find a man that loves me as much as he does

Sadly for him, I think my bf loves me better now even when he's a crackhead

mrblessed:
It is precisely because most women see marriage as a life-retirement package and would like to remain in it, rather than terminate it and become single all over again. Men also show great commitment to marriage but the number of women enduring abuse in marriage pales in comparison to that of men. And since many of them aren't financially independent, they rather stay put and take the abuse in good faith rather than expose themselves and their children to an uncharted life with great uncertainties.

The society has a rabid, unpleasant view of women of certain age bracket and divorcee, especially if they are women. No dispassionate commentary will gloss over the impact of our patriarchal system that foists such notion on women. For example, once a lady gets married, no one expects her to return to her father's house, not even her family members. So, she has task cut out, even if it means enduring life-threatening abuses.

@bold:

Is the man expected to return to his father's house?

The 'society' also has an unpleasant view about single men of a certain age bracket. Before the age of politicial correctness, I have stumbled on job descriptions that said a man must be married for the role. A number of men have told me that they have access to more 'rights' in the society because they are now married and seen as 'responsible.'

I know single males that their prospective landlords ask for their CV before renting their flats to them. For the married men, their families and wedding rings are their CVs.

Dyt:


He doesn't know, we talked about it, I wanted to help him but dude just says he loves me too much, doesnt wanna lose me blabla and that wasn't enough for me

He becomes a monster at the sight of me laughing with others
He starts hitting me and crying why I am doing this to him
Mehn, I had to run

He pleaded, tried so hard to get me back but I said Na, I am too beautiful to die cos of your anger isdue

He's still trying to get me back, he still thinks I will never find a man that loves me as much as he does

Sadly for him, I think my bf loves me better now even when he's a crackhead

I like his confidence ke:

'Who can love you like me? Nobody' - Keith Sweat


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FMar1ifzdmk

@bold:

Dude has to check in with a psychiatrist asap.

bukatyne:


I like his confidence ke:

'Who can love you like me? Nobody' - Keith Sweat


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FMar1ifzdmk

@bold:

Dude has to check in with a psychiatrist asap.

How I love this song
Dammit
You just woke the sexiness in me

Well
Told him if he keeps acting that way, imma drop him like it's hot
I don't have time to make a man act like a man

Oh well, I guess I am always in my feelings

bukatyne:


@bold:

Is the man expected to return to his father's house?

The 'society' also has an unpleasant view about single men of a certain age bracket. Before the age of politicial correctness, I have stumbled on job descriptions that said a man must be married for the role. A number of men have told me that they have access to more 'rights' in the society because they are now married and seen as 'responsible.'

I know single males that their prospective landlords ask for their CV before renting their flats to them. For the married men, their families and wedding rings are their CVs.

Since the discuss is on women and their pigheaded resolve to remain in an abuse marriage, I didn't see where your point contradicts mine. If anything, it corroborates my views on the high expectations demanded from women. Yes, marriage seems to confer some semblance of "respect" to men, but it is women that are routinely stigmatised or taunted for failing to meet these expectations.

mrblessed:
It is precisely because most women see marriage as a life-retirement package and would like to remain in it, rather than terminate it and become single all over again. Men also show great commitment to marriage but the number of women enduring abuse in marriage pales in comparison to that of men. And since many of them aren't financially independent, they rather stay put and take the abuse in good faith rather than expose themselves and their children to an uncharted life with great uncertainties.

The society has a rabid, unpleasant view of women of certain age bracket and divorcee, especially if they are women. No dispassionate commentary will gloss over the impact of our patriarchal system that foists such notion on women. For example, once a lady gets married, no one expects her to return to her father's house, not even her family members. So, she has task cut out, even if it means enduring life-threatening abuses.

Must they return to their family house?
Why can’t they rent a house and start all over?

Dyt:


How I love this song
Dammit
You just woke the sexiness in me

Well
Told him if he keeps acting that way, imma drop him like it's hot
I don't have time to make a man act like a man

Oh well, I guess I am always in my feelings

Enjoy this:

I so love the game in this song before guys started pricing girls like meat on what'sapp:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z6NzwMif0fA

Slow down I just wanna get to know you
But don't turn around
'Cause that pretty round thing looks good to me
Slow down never seen anything so lovely
Now turn around
And bless me with your beauty, cutie

- Bobby Valentine.... Slow Down

This is one of my best songs.

bukatyne:


Enjoy this:

I so love the game in this song before guys started pricing girls like meat on what'sapp:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z6NzwMif0fA

Slow down I just wanna get to know you
But don't turn around
'Cause that pretty round thing looks good to me
Slow down never seen anything so lovely
Now turn around
And bless me with your beauty, cutie

- Bobby Valentine.... Slow Down

This is one of my best songs.

Like a flower fully bloomed in the summertime
You are ready to be watered by this conversation
You are ready
I am in awe cos you shine like the sun
Let me be the one to enjoy you

bukatyne:


before guys started pricing girls like meat on what'sapp: