SURElee:
It was your choice to do all those things you did. You expect your parents to handle you with kid gloves? Even the Bible says train up a child when he is young and when he is old, he won't depart from it. Straying into vices has always been in you that you had to delve into you when you had your freedom.


The earlier we as human learn to accept the blame for our actions instead of shifting the blame to others, the better we will be.

The fact that you used the Bible as a yardstick to raise a child calls for a lot of scrutiny. The Bible that instructs parents to stone disobedient children? Deuteronomy 21:18-21
Exodus 31:15 also recommends that someone who doesn't keep the Sabbath holy should be put to death.

FeliciaOja:
It is now I understand what being strict does, it makes you live a life of pretence, cos when I got into University I wanted to explore everything  I didn’t have the chance of doing at home.

I drank alcohol like crazy, smoked weed, hung out with rich boys, partying, doing drugs but when I go visit my Parents, I still act like that innocent girl they have always known.

My Dad’s strictness led to my Pretence, if he had drawn me close like my mum did, I would have been a better kid.

When parents use strictness to shut down a kids curiosity instead of guiding them, you are making matters worse for that kid. Because eventually that curiosity will lead them into adventures and exploring all those things you refused them to..

Looking back, al the flogging I received from my dad only made me more stubborn and ruthless.

Nothing really changed? Until my mum made me change for good.

Parents need to use wisdom not force..

quit fooling yourself, you would've done all what you did in the university at home if it weren't for the iron hands of your parents.. you were a negatively curious person, you were self destructive.

My parents never spared the rod, when i got to the university, i saw my peers and seniors doing what my parents disciplined me against doing as a kid, and i was glad i was above their level.

You think you are doing your dad


Mtchewwww
You are doing your self


Your dad has done his part

Even if you like smoke silencer

Na you sabiiii

crackland:

All of that happened ONLY because of your bad decisions and the wrong kind of company you kept, it wasn't due to the style of discipline you were given by your dad.

If you had been involved in more profitable things like hanging out with the brightest students who spent their time studying and sitting at the front of the lecture hall, or perhaps you joined a religious Christian group and made friends from there, you would not have had anyone to drink, smoke, party, or do drugs with.

Your mom who wasn't strict, why didn't her relaxed disciplinary style have any effect on you?

Learn to have some personal responsibility for your choices.

Actually, she does have a point. Children will ALWAYS make bad decisions, and when then make mistakes, they need to know they can turn back to their parents and not get bullied. Also, you need to explain to children why they should stay away from evil, not beat and threaten them.

I too had a strict Father, and I know the sense of freedom I got once I got into the University. The truth is that they didn't really instill a sense of morality, only fear. Once you are out of their thumb, there's really nothing to fear anymore is there? The urge to explore those things you think you've been deprived of comes into play.

Eventually those lessons start sinking in, but only when you realise they were right, even though they didn't go about it right way.

The OP did make the wrong decisions,but I don't think she is entirely to blame for that.

FeliciaOja:
It is now I understand what being strict does, it makes you live a life of pretence, cos when I got into University I wanted to explore everything  I didn’t have the chance of doing at home.

I drank alcohol like crazy, smoked weed, hung out with rich boys, partying, doing drugs but when I go visit my Parents, I still act like that innocent girl they have always known.

My Dad’s strictness led to my Pretence, if he had drawn me close like my mum did, I would have been a better kid.

When parents use strictness to shut down a kids curiosity instead of guiding them, you are making matters worse for that kid. Because eventually that curiosity will lead them into adventures and exploring all those things you refused them to..

Looking back, al the flogging I received from my dad only made me more stubborn and ruthless.

Nothing really changed? Until my mum made me change for good.

Parents need to use wisdom not force..

At the bolded,


Weak people always look for other people to blame for their weak actions!
Your drinking alcohol and smoking weed and probably sleeping with rich guys, now how does this hurt your father? You are only hurting YOURSELF!
I hope you find yourself and retreat from this path and become a stronger and better personality in future.
Remember again,you are not hurting your father,you are only hurting yourself!

FeliciaOja:
It is now I understand what being strict does, it makes you live a life of pretence, cos when I got into University I wanted to explore everything  I didn’t have the chance of doing at home.

I drank alcohol like crazy, smoked weed, hung out with rich boys, partying, doing drugs but when I go visit my Parents, I still act like that innocent girl they have always known.

My Dad’s strictness led to my Pretence, if he had drawn me close like my mum did, I would have been a better kid.

When parents use strictness to shut down a kids curiosity instead of guiding them, you are making matters worse for that kid. Because eventually that curiosity will lead them into adventures and exploring all those things you refused them to..

Looking back, al the flogging I received from my dad only made me more stubborn and ruthless.

Nothing really changed? Until my mum made me change for good.

Parents need to use wisdom not force..

I was expecting you were gonna be more introverted n stuff

mine were so strict that they fly in most weekends to check me in school to see n give me n my sis food or wash clothes, but I never partied or got high but kept more to myself, until I broke out in my 2nd year n started fending on my own, but I still turned out well but never really had friends. Till now sef I never enter club sef.

what if you become wealthy don't you think you would lose those restraints with no restrictions.

UjuJoan2:


Actually, she does have a point. Children will ALWAYS make bad decisions, and when then make mistakes, they need to know they can turn back to their parents and not get bullied. Also, you need to explain to children why they should stay away from evil, not beat and threaten them.

I too had a strict Father, and I know the sense of freedom I got once I got into the University. The truth is that they didn't really instill a sense of morality, only fear. Once you are out of their thumb, there's really nothing to fear anymore is there? The urge to explore those things you think you've been deprived of comes into play.

Eventually those lessons start sinking in, but only when you realise they were right, even though they didn't go about it right way.

The OP did make the wrong decisions,but I don't think she is entirely to blame for that.

Uju, that chic has absolutely no point.

I used to think the same way you are right now, until I realized something very important. There's no parent that wants their child to turn out a drug addict, smoker, or dreg of society, no matter the style of discipline they employ.

You don't even need to ask the OP, but I'm 100% certain that she has siblings who did not engage in half of those vices she engaged in...and gues what, it's the same father they all had, the same strict upbringing, the same kind of discipline.

Why do you think her own behaviour became different?
Is it still the fault of her dad, or simply her own bad decisions?

crackland:

Uju, that chic has absolutely no point.

I used to think the same way you are right now, until I realized something very important. There's no parent that wants their child to turn out a drug addict, smoker, or dreg of society, no matter the style of discipline they employ.

You don't even need to ask the OP, but I'm 100% certain that she has siblings who did not engage in half of those vices she engaged in...and gues what, it's the same father they all had, the same strict upbringing, the same kind of discipline.

Why do you think her own behaviour became different?
Is it still the fault of her dad, or simply her own bad decisions?

There is no doubt that our parents want the best for us, it's how they go about it that is sometimes not right. Children are different. One child may respond to strictness and bullying, and another may just rebel against it.

Children from the same don't even think alike or have the same interest, and will certainly not respond to the same discipline style. Adopting a one cap fits all type of discipline is usually a big mistake.

We all make bad decisions, we all make mistakes. Some are more grevious than others.

Do you think at that point she was taking drugs she knew she was destroying her life? She was only thinking of the moment and how to live her life free from 'oppression'. That realisation that your action and choices only affect you often comes with maturity and experience. Not by the strokes of cane our parents were so quick to dispense.

She was faced with the same options her siblings were faced with, she made a decision more in line with her own personality. Her personality prevailed over the discipline she got. That only means that the discipline did not work, and her parents are mostly to blame for that.

Okay I'll give you an example, my first daughter likes Mini skirts and she's almost 9. She has always loved making herself look pretty right from when she was a baby. Now my second on the other hand is not interested in her looks at all. She hates skirts and is more or a Tom boy. Who do you think is more likely to dress indecently in the future? Flogging her now will only make her long for it more, and when she is free she will dress as she likes. But giving her the chance to choose, and teaching her why she needs to choose decency will help her make the right choice when she grows up.

jeff1607:


I was expecting you were gonna be more introverted n stuff

mine were so strict that they fly in most weekends to check me in school to see n give me n my sis food or wash clothes, but I never partied or got high but kept more to myself, until I broke out in my 2nd year n started fending on my own, but I still turned out well but never really had friends. Till now sef I never enter club sef.

what if you become wealthy don't you think you would lose those restraints with no restrictions.

Just because she clubbed doesn't mean she didn't turn out well. She only explored, and settled for the life that best suits her.

FeliciaOja:
It is now I understand what being strict does, it makes you live a life of pretence, cos when I got into University I wanted to explore everything  I didn’t have the chance of doing at home.

I drank alcohol like crazy, smoked weed, hung out with rich boys, partying, doing drugs but when I go visit my Parents, I still act like that innocent girl they have always known.

My Dad’s strictness led to my Pretence, if he had drawn me close like my mum did, I would have been a better kid.

When parents use strictness to shut down a kids curiosity instead of guiding them, you are making matters worse for that kid. Because eventually that curiosity will lead them into adventures and exploring all those things you refused them to..

Looking back, al the flogging I received from my dad only made me more stubborn and ruthless.

Nothing really changed? Until my mum made me change for good.

Parents need to use wisdom not force..

What consign us live your reckless freelife and reap the consequences,it's not your parents will reap it on your behalf.are u the first person to enter university mtcheeeeew

You’re an idiot! Instead of owning your mess ups, you’re seeking to lay the blame on your father. I bet your father’s account of events will be different from yours. Learn from your mistake and move on. Thank your God that you’re at a point in life where you can look back and see how badly you could have ended up, had you not changed.

You obviously are still quite immature.

UjuJoan2:


There is no doubt that our parents want the best for us, it's how they go about it that is sometimes not right. Children are different. One child may respond to strictness and bullying, and another may just rebel against it.

Children from the same don't even think alike or have the same interest, and will certainly not respond to the same discipline style. Adopting a one cap fits all type of discipline is usually a big mistake.

We all make bad decisions, we all make mistakes. Some are more grevious than others.

Do you think at that point she was taking drugs she knew she was destroying her life? She was only thinking of the moment and how to live her life free from 'oppression'. That realisation that your action and choices only affect you often comes with maturity and experience. Not by the strokes of cane our parents were so quick to dispense.

She was faced with the same options her siblings were faced with, she made a decision more in line with her own personality. Her personality prevailed over the discipline she got. That only means that the discipline did not work, and her parents are mostly to blame for that.

Okay I'll give you an example, my first daughter likes Mini skirts and she's almost 9. She has always loved making herself look pretty right from when she was a baby. Now my second on the other hand is not interested in her looks at all. She hates skirts and is more or a Tom boy. Who do you think is more likely to dress indecently in the future? Flogging her now will only make her long for it more, and when she is free she will dress as she likes. But giving her the chance to choose, and teaching her why she needs to choose decency will help her make the right choice when she grows up.

That bit in bold is really all there is to know about how personal choices are responsible, NOT parenting.

She and her siblings were faced with the same options, same discipline, same father, yet for some reason she made decisions that made her become what one might call a 'prodigal child'. This cannot be the fault of anyone else but herself.
It's not about discipline not working, it certainly worked on the others.

The only time I can ever blame parents for the way their children turned out, is if ALL of them turned out bad and made the same bad decisions.

Even if it was just one from the litter that made good of himself/herself, then that parent has not failed.

FeliciaOja:
It is now I understand what being strict does, it makes you live a life of pretence, cos when I got into University I wanted to explore everything  I didn’t have the chance of doing at home.

I drank alcohol like crazy, smoked weed, hung out with rich boys, partying, doing drugs but when I go visit my Parents, I still act like that innocent girl they have always known.

My Dad’s strictness led to my Pretence, if he had drawn me close like my mum did, I would have been a better kid.

When parents use strictness to shut down a kids curiosity instead of guiding them, you are making matters worse for that kid. Because eventually that curiosity will lead them into adventures and exploring all those things you refused them to..

Looking back, al the flogging I received from my dad only made me more stubborn and ruthless.

Nothing really changed? Until my mum made me change for good.

Parents need to use wisdom not force..

Please don't use your dad's strict behavior to justify your wayward character in school. We all have the temptation to go and 'taste' the sweet life. To have drinking sessions, sleep around, attend wild parties, smoke weed, and test all sort of terrible (sweet life) things. But when 'SOME' remember the homes they come from and the kind of training they received from home, they would run far from those things. You aren't part of that 'some', and that's fine, but it's not because of your dad, nope, IT WAS YOUR DECISION . so don't pass the blame your dad. OWN YOUR FAULT. If you had done something terrible during those period that destroyed your life, you won't have your dad to blame but yourself.

That's how parents of today in the name of being liberal are raising unruly and undisciplined children who cannot take responsibility but can make so much trouble as mess and expect others to clean up for them. Nonsense abeg

if you genuinely believe that ur dreams are great enough, I don't see any reasons why u suld engaged in immoralities just because your parent prevented ur liberties.

the unacceptable truth is that u CNT have both pleasures and success together at the same time. u have to choose one option.

I was once being in this situation for a long time before, BT me I don't see it as a problem and I don't break for once. see me now, I have gained a lot of mental skills - Discipline, delayed gratifications, endurance, focus and many more. i easily achieve what I aimed for with these.

crackland:

All of that happened ONLY because of your bad decisions and the wrong kind of company you kept, it wasn't due to the style of discipline you were given by your dad.

If you had been involved in more profitable things like hanging out with the brightest students who spent their time studying and sitting at the front of the lecture hall, or perhaps you joined a religious Christian group and made friends from there, you would not have had anyone to drink, smoke, party, or do drugs with.

Your mom who wasn't strict, why didn't her relaxed disciplinary style have any effect on you?

Learn to have some personal responsibility for your choices.

I didn't even know you already said what I wanted to say. Thank you jàre. She should take responsibility for her bad choices instead of blaming her father who was even trying to impart good culture and behaviour on her, if even her not-strict mother couldn't stop her from making wrong choices.

A yam that will burn, will burn. Either boiled or roasted.

OP has a point.

Children who are trusted and guided gently develop a sense of responsibility faster. This is my personal observation.

UjuJoan2:


Just because she clubbed doesn't mean she didn't turn out well. She only explored, and settled for the life that best suits her.

never said she didn't turn out well, I can never be the judge of that.

i dont agree u turned out the way u did becox u wanted to....it does not always work that way

FeliciaOja:
It is now I understand what being strict does, it makes you live a life of pretence, cos when I got into University I wanted to explore everything  I didn’t have the chance of doing at home.

I drank alcohol like crazy, smoked weed, hung out with rich boys, partying, doing drugs but when I go visit my Parents, I still act like that innocent girl they have always known.

My Dad’s strictness led to my Pretence, if he had drawn me close like my mum did, I would have been a better kid.

When parents use strictness to shut down a kids curiosity instead of guiding them, you are making matters worse for that kid. Because eventually that curiosity will lead them into adventures and exploring all those things you refused them to..

Looking back, al the flogging I received from my dad only made me more stubborn and ruthless.

Nothing really changed? Until my mum made me change for good.

Parents need to use wisdom not force..

Op it depends. I know a family that were not strict to their children and right now,3 out if the four girls in that family have given birth out of wedlock. The one that even got married to one nice guy left him and the parents supported her As I'm talking to you,she is pregnant for an unidentified man. Everything we do have it pros and cons.

crackland:

That bit in bold is really all there is to know about how personal choices are responsible, NOT parenting.

She and her siblings were faced with the same options, same discipline, same father, yet for some reason she made decisions that made her become what one might call a 'prodigal child'. This cannot be the fault of anyone else but herself.
It's not about discipline not working, it certainly worked on the others.

The only time I can ever blame parents for the way their children turned out, is if ALL of them turned out bad and made the same bad decisions.

Even if it was just one from the litter that made good of himself/herself, then that parent has not failed.

You need to have children . . . Then maybe you can relate.

UjuJoan2:


You need to have children . . . Then maybe you can relate.

I was once a child brought up under strict parenting, and with siblings who are very different by making very different decisions.
I can already relate.

Your children are not out of your sight yet and have not been to university for you to be so sure your method is working, so you sef relax.

Will You Shut Up!

Who Told You Your Parents Are Responsible For Your Rubbish life Style. You Are An irresponsible Person


I Have Two Daughters Uyaiincomparabl And Analqueenluci I Made Sure I Disciplined Their Heads Seriously whenever They Misbehaved.


It Turned Out That UyaiIncomparabl Chose continue Being Disobedient To Me despite All My Teachings and Warning As A Father


But Analqueenluci her Elder Sister made Me Proud By Becoming A Soldier That Fights For her Dear Country.


They Are Both Grown Up Now, lucy Is Now A Major while Uyai has Now Turned Born Again because She Has Seen The Consequences Of Her sturbbornness

crackland:

I was once a child brought up under strict parenting, and with siblings who are very different by making very different decisions.
I can already relate.

Your children are not out of your sight yet and have not been to university for you to be so sure your method is working, so you sef relax.

I'm not saying my system is working. I'm saying I learnt a thing or two from my parents' system, and I think I can do something different to improve their system. Make no mistake, I don't spare the rod.

But I guess you are right, we'll see.

IamPlato:
Will You Shut Up!

Who Told You Your Parents Are Responsible For Your Rubbish life Style. You Are An irresponsible Person


I Have Two Daughters Uyaiincomparabl And Analqueenluci I Made Sure I Disciplined Their Heads Seriously whenever They Misbehaved.


It Turned Out That UyaiIncomparabl Chose continue Being Disobedient To Me despite All My Teachings and Warning As A Father


But Analqueenluci her Elder Sister made Me Proud By Becoming A Soldier That Fights For her Dear Country.


They Are Both Grown Up Now, lucy Is Now A Major while Uyai has Now Turned Born Again because She Has Seen The Consequences Of Her sturbbornness

Lol.
Nairaland

How We ‘re Staying at Home In This Pandemic






https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EC50LAiYcH4

Do not blame your dad because of the wrong lifestyle you choose to live. Because all he did should have helped sharpen your life towards some aspect of your life. Sometimes we children think that our parent are strict and overprotective not knowing that they are really doing us a great favour. I grew up in a family where my dad was so strict that i also felt like going astray, but i came to realise that my dad did a great favour in my life, if not i would have messed up my life in a big way.

FeliciaOja:
I turned out
Edit:
So please in the name of God stop blaming my mum.
If anything, she is the reason I changed for good before she passed. All that flogging and punishment from my dad made me more stubborn.. it was my mother's soft love that brought me back to my senses. God knows if not for her I would have been worse
Put some respect on her name!!

it was your choice. Forget all these nonsense you wrote out here

Hathor5:
OP has a point.

Children who are trusted and guided gently develop a sense of responsibility faster. This is my personal observation.

it is a lie.. OP chose her path... any student who has reached SS3, I always tell them whatever they do is their decision.. If you fail WAEC, no come blame witch or one aunty for village.. Even my children if tell them this.. I don't have the time to monitor you 24 hours the moment he or she leaves secondary. Any outcome is his or her choice simple

bukatyne:


The above is something I have never understood.

The act of destroying yourself to punish someone else.

If she said she stole from her parents, blocked contracts, ridiculed them....

Maybe I would understand.

the manner in which Jesus Christ said we will continue to have poor among us also I say we will continue to have stupid people among us

Kyom20:
I can totally relate to this. Nigerian parents often make the mistake of trying to force or suppress their kids to be a certain way so as to avoid them making "mistakes". What they fail to realise is making mistakes and learning is part of life.

This then leads to rebellion because often times these children want to have these experiences for themselves. Its just human nature. What i feel is important for children in this situation to understand is that everything should be done in moderation because at the end of the day its still your life, and you would suffer most the consequences of your actions.

@ op, you are normal and i hope you learn from your parents mistakes when training your own kids.

I Hope this article sheds more light
https://www.webmd.com/parenting/news/20120223/overly-strict-controlling-parents-risk-raising-delinquent-kids

Modified
I really feel the need to add that people on this forum are very judgemental without even understanding where the poster is coming from.
Did any one read her story at all? Her dad was very strict which led to her having to pretend when at home while being a totally different person when out of the house. Can we really say that is a good thing? Or have we never seen this happen in our society? Do we not see that this parenting skill breeds hypocrisy?

Some are even going as far as judging her. That makes no sense, so many people are mistaking strict parents for disciplinarians. The one thing we need to understand is that strictness often results in rebellion which often shows up on in our society as hypocrisy.

The reason why so many Nigerians are quick to judge but what they do in the secret is most disgusting.

you pretend, it is for your consumption.. What you do know is that, your parents are almost done with their lives. I laugh when I see kids being head strong.. Who you dey do.. If you hate your teacher score F9 for he subject. Na your teacher name them go put for the certificate? Awolowo Don die go if he children decided to enter armed robbery, you think na him them go try sentence? It is always good one uses his or her grey matter

Child of d world