Do I Tell My Boyfriend He's Not Smart ? - Romance - Nairaland
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| Do I Tell My Boyfriend He's Not Smart ? by cynosuree: 8:01am On Jun 07, 2020 |
Good morning. This issue has been bothering me for a long time, and I feel like it's too sensitive to ask for second opinions from people I know so I figured I'd maybe ask some strangers on the internet. I've been with my boyfriend for about 6 months now and he's everything I ever wanted in a man. Physically, he's gorgeous, and he also loves me alot. He's kind, he's patient, communicates effectively and all. You know, all the good stuff. But here's the problem, he cannot hold a conversation beyond "what are you doing" , "what did you eat" (and all that boring stuff) to save his life. I'm not even talking about intellectual conversations like quantum theory or anything, normal conversations about stuff that's happening around the world or around us. Anytime we try to, it usually fails spectacularly. He either ends up missing the ENTIRE point and saying something totally unrelated, or he just waits for me to say what I think so he can go "Yeeaaaa that's true" , leaving me really pissed. He has absolutely NOTHING intelligent to contribute to any serious conversation, and this hurts me alot because it is a HUGE turn off and I'm slowly losing interest in him. It's a very tricky situation because he does/did well academically, he graduated with very good grades but that's about it...nothing more. I didn't notice it at first - before we started dating, or I would never have dated him because it is a deal breaker for me. I have considered telling him but I don't exactly know how to approach the conversation without being rude/insensitive, I know telling him would really hurt him and I don't want that. I've also thought about learning how to live with it, because no one is perfect right? Maybe I'm asking for too much? The latter option is what I've been doing and it's gradually killing me. I fear that I'll fall out of love completely with him and end up hating myself for ruining a good thing, because he's a really good guy . I'd like to know what you think 100 Likes 10 Shares |
| Re: Do I Tell My Boyfriend He's Not Smart ? by Snipespeter: 8:02am On Jun 07, 2020 |
This life self, you try to hold a meaningful conversation with your girlfriend she will say that you are claiming you know it all. You keep quiet for peace to reign, they say you are not smart. I tire oh FTC since I joined nairaland 2013. This week will be great. Oga Seun, where should I send my account details ��� 1371 Likes 98 Shares |
| Re: Do I Tell My Boyfriend He's Not Smart ? by SweetCunt97(f): 8:03am On Jun 07, 2020 |
If u love him, simply let it go. Find another intelligent person to gist current affairs with. 723 Likes 31 Shares |
| Re: Do I Tell My Boyfriend He's Not Smart ? by jeff1607(m): 8:09am On Jun 07, 2020 |
A man talks , he talks too much He doesn't talk , now he isn't intelligent na wa o you can't have everything you need in a partner, focus on his strong and attractive attributes. if it isn't enough let him go 525 Likes 30 Shares |
| Re: Do I Tell My Boyfriend He's Not Smart ? by Baawaa(m): 8:10am On Jun 07, 2020 |
You can help him if you really love him and you must not use this weakness against him 116 Likes 10 Shares |
| Re: Do I Tell My Boyfriend He's Not Smart ? by Nbote(m): 8:11am On Jun 07, 2020 |
If he was smart enough to make U fall in luv with him den he's smart enough to b ur boyfriend.. Thing is U've found someone much more sociable dan he is and U are now beginning to see flaws.. If U have lost interest in the relationship jus waka pass and leave d young man alone 781 Likes 54 Shares |
| Re: Do I Tell My Boyfriend He's Not Smart ? by Amotolongbo(f): 8:12am On Jun 07, 2020 |
Some people are like that, while having a conversation with people, they aren’t so up and sound as they are expected to be. But when they are on their own meditating and strategizing, they come out with a near perfect answers and solutions. Please don’t tell him bluntly if you know you are tired being with him and wanna quit the relationship. Don’t leave a bad blood behind while saying goodbye Honestly @dear OP, perhaps you are the swift and sound type in reasoning, while your partner is a very relatively sluggish one in intellectual reasoning, there will surely be problem in synchronizing his response with your question and expectations because he may need extra time to think over it before he can give you the right answer. Another problem I can see in this kinda relationship is that you seem to be the type that already have and answer to any question you ask your partner and expecting him to give that exact answer you have in mind. No, things don’t work that way. We are all products of different backgrounds, families and environments. This makes us to give different opinions and responses to the same interviews and questions. You can also help him, developing interest in many fields such as politics, sports, entertainment et al. For example, listening to the news together and watching the news and discussing on political issues together. 372 Likes 15 Shares |
| Re: Do I Tell My Boyfriend He's Not Smart ? by harlos: 8:12am On Jun 07, 2020 |
Well... What I can say is only you can make him better. If he is not the social type of guy, you can help me by going out together more often, he needs to be more exposed. And keep trying by bringing up talks on stories around the world. He could be learning from you. 38 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: Do I Tell My Boyfriend He's Not Smart ? by Oluromantic: 8:15am On Jun 07, 2020 |
You now see why it's not easy to let go sometimes especially when it's d other way round. You girls will be so quick to cast terrible aspersions on a guy and say... He doesn't know what he wants, when he knew he doesn't like her, why did he waste her time, he just wanted to be sleeping with her. And if after letting go and realised he shdnt have, and he comes back to apologise.. aaaah, the worst talks will show up especially with the influence of your fellow rotten-brain female friends who have no wisdom than to just conclude on what they see on the surface. The truth is some decisions are not easy to take at some points and it's not easy to know what's on the other side that you have not experienced. cynosuree:I understand that feeling and I'd advice you don't cut out ur communication with him totally, while you satisfy ur curiosity by letting in another guy. If the new guy is ur dream guy, then separate from the former guy respectfully with maturity and not with the sudden rude attitude u ladies give insensitively cus you've found someone else. But if you find out he's still d best option you've got, then apologize for the slight reduction in communication and begin to build him up to your taste...yes it's very possible... Know his personality, temperament and responses to actions and connect with him from there. Before you know it, you will change him and he'll become a guy many girls are dying to have. 31 Likes |
| Re: Do I Tell My Boyfriend He's Not Smart ? by jansonn(m): 8:15am On Jun 07, 2020 |
Chai, this life!! And me dey find girl I can discuss politics, nature, medicine and all that intellectual sturvs and all the girls I meet are as dumb as a chicken only Instagram and billing, even the fashion they claim they know and the movies they watch, they can't identify Sylvester stallion, they still call him Rambo for goodness sakes!! Let's chat pls, am really sapiosexual and am done with these "pretty" girls 351 Likes 26 Shares |
| Re: Do I Tell My Boyfriend He's Not Smart ? by cynosuree: 8:21am On Jun 07, 2020 |
harlos:You don't have to be social to be able to contribute intelligently to a conversation. I'm an introvert, not social at all, and I can contribute to pretty much any topic 71 Likes 2 Shares |
| Re: Do I Tell My Boyfriend He's Not Smart ? by Amanee(f): 8:22am On Jun 07, 2020 |
He's probably not interested in the things you're interested in. The relationship is still young and there's time for the both of you to adjust to each other. Nobody comes ready-made and relationships are hardwork. For youths nowadays, it's easy to see a couple in sync with each other and say 'goals, God when?' Etc. Forgetting that such relationship had a lot invested aside 'I love you' and sex. Don't be overly conscious of trying to change him in this aspect if not you'll get frustrated. Give it time and try to learn his own interests too. 129 Likes 11 Shares |
| Re: Do I Tell My Boyfriend He's Not Smart ? by yenereal(m): 8:24am On Jun 07, 2020 |
 So what do you girls contribute during chats with fellow guys? Do you need screenshots of my chats with girls to make you keep quiet? They'll be like "Awwwn tanchu", "I'm blushin", "Kk" etc. Now your guy is chatting the same way and you are complaining. That's to tell you what guys pass through every day. Let me expose you, I'm sure you want your guy to be naughty or use swear words so that you can enjoy his chat. It has nothing to do with your energy quantization or quantum theory you said (Lol). Obviously, he may be a shy type or you are his first gf or he doesn't really expand his horizons in terms of reading thus making it difficult for him to think outside the box. So if you are considering quiting, who would you leave him for? Is it a crime if you teach him or assist him? Unless he has another weak point, like not working or abuses you, I see no reason why you should leave him, because if all guys or everyone was to take the decision you're about to take, most of us would be without a partner. 104 Likes 3 Shares |
| Re: Do I Tell My Boyfriend He's Not Smart ? by LordIsaac(m): 8:36am On Jun 07, 2020 |
It is not a trivial issue at all... I suggest you find someone else you are comfortable with on that front as that is your love language. Else, you would disrespect him and it would ruin everything. Forget the benefits as it's not worth it. 22 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: Do I Tell My Boyfriend He's Not Smart ? by cynosuree: 8:51am On Jun 07, 2020 |
Oluromantic:I wouldn't want to be on the receiving end of this so I wouldn't do it to anyone. 3 Likes |
| Re: Do I Tell My Boyfriend He's Not Smart ? by Oluromantic: 8:53am On Jun 07, 2020 |
cynosuree:I don't get. You choose to stick to him? 2 Likes |
| Re: Do I Tell My Boyfriend He's Not Smart ? by cynosuree: 9:00am On Jun 07, 2020 |
Oluromantic:Looking for his replacement, or "better options" when I'm still in a relationship 8 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: Do I Tell My Boyfriend He's Not Smart ? by Oluromantic: 9:04am On Jun 07, 2020 |
cynosuree:Ok it means you're ready to decide. Then u shd ignore this part of your write up. cynosuree: Stick to one decision. Leave him or stay with him. Goodluck. 19 Likes 2 Shares |
| Re: Do I Tell My Boyfriend He's Not Smart ? by Caxmir: 9:09am On Jun 07, 2020 |
 Your username says it all "CYNOSURE". He's obviously not interested in ur quantum physics and teleportation induced sci-fi series. have you asked him what he really likes to discuss? As everything shouldn't be about you, you , you...... he might be a foodie, perfume freak, Bible eater, spice analyst, meat biologist but no!! you won't talk about those, forcing your opinions and topics down his keypad, making a young elder brother unhappy.If he's not giving you the vibe u want better leave him in peace than pieces. He deserves to be happy not suffocated with meaningless rants. 143 Likes 4 Shares |
| Re: Do I Tell My Boyfriend He's Not Smart ? by XXLMANDIGO: 9:14am On Jun 07, 2020 |
Don't push him too far. If you know all these why can't you try to make a balance. I barely know anything about Quantum shit and I am not dumb. Be patient with him, Find out his interest and see if there will be a middle ground. 28 Likes 5 Shares |
| Re: Do I Tell My Boyfriend He's Not Smart ? by bigiyaro(m): 9:30am On Jun 07, 2020 |
so someone is not smart cos he is not interested in your aimless blabbing? 95 Likes 5 Shares |
| Re: Do I Tell My Boyfriend He's Not Smart ? by cynosuree: 9:42am On Jun 07, 2020 |
XXLMANDIGO:I didn't say I want someone who knows quantum physics. I was only trying to emphasize that I'm not expecting him to be an Einstein, I just want him to be able to engage me in normal conversations. 22 Likes |
| Re: Do I Tell My Boyfriend He's Not Smart ? by XXLMANDIGO: 9:49am On Jun 07, 2020 |
What level of education did he attain & What attracted you to him in the first place, His Gorgeousness or his Mandigo? cynosuree: 7 Likes |
| Re: Do I Tell My Boyfriend He's Not Smart ? by Hathor5(f): 9:57am On Jun 07, 2020 |
Don't tell him but move on. He will piss you off many times in the future and one day you will implode or explode. You said intelligence is a deal breaker for you. Stick to your standards before it is too late. 33 Likes 3 Shares |
| Re: Do I Tell My Boyfriend He's Not Smart ? by Hathor5(f): 10:00am On Jun 07, 2020 |
jeff1607: Snipespeter: It's not about talking or not talking but the quality of the conversation. 13 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: Do I Tell My Boyfriend He's Not Smart ? by Hathor5(f): 10:00am On Jun 07, 2020 |
bigiyaro: You seem to take it personally. 6 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: Do I Tell My Boyfriend He's Not Smart ? by Hathor5(f): 10:02am On Jun 07, 2020 |
LordIsaac: This is it. It is not a trivial issue and she will definitely disrespect him. She already feels anger rising up. 11 Likes |
| Re: Do I Tell My Boyfriend He's Not Smart ? by Nobody: 10:03am On Jun 07, 2020 |
It is not intelligent and kind to tell people they are not smart. How can you even be with someone you obviously don’t and can’t respect? Don’t be desperate dear poster, just move on to the next smart person you see. This shouldn’t even be a topic at all. Cheers. 36 Likes 2 Shares |
| Re: Do I Tell My Boyfriend He's Not Smart ? by Hathor5(f): 10:04am On Jun 07, 2020 |
Nbote: It does not work that way. When we first fall in love, we fall in love with the image of the person, which is 80% the making of our fantasy because we don't know know the person yet and don't have the full true picture of them. As we discover their true self we stay in love, fall deeper or fall out. 63 Likes 4 Shares |
| Re: Do I Tell My Boyfriend He's Not Smart ? by Nobody: 10:14am On Jun 07, 2020 |
cynosuree: If you want someone to talk quantum theory and mechanics, get a nerd. Your boyfriend is clearly not the chatterbox. IMO, he's the definition of a "real man" - talk less, act more. 34 Likes 3 Shares |
| Re: Do I Tell My Boyfriend He's Not Smart ? by Acidosis(m): 10:14am On Jun 07, 2020 |
How is it your business? Leave him to live his life or move on.  13 Likes 3 Shares |
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