StubbornGENIUS:
Am not accusing you or anything.It's just the way you are responding to comments

On of the worst things a woman can do is to get serious with someone she does not respect. It is a recipe for disaster.

I also don't believe she can teach him by telling him to read. Look at all those people on this forum who have an opinion on many topics and a way with words and then you can't help but shake your head at some of the statements they make. I just don't want to offend anyone so I refuse to address them but these people have enough intellectual curiosity to read and yet manage to make utterly dumb statements, objectively not opinion-wise.

Hathor5:


On of the worst things a woman can do is to get serious with someone she does not respect. It is a recipe for disaster.

I also don't believe she can teach him by telling him to read. Look at all those people on this forum who have an opinion on many topics and a way with words and then you can't help but shake your head at some of the statements they make. I just don't want to offend anyone so I refuse to address them but these people have enough intellectual curiosity to read and yet manage to make utterly dumb statements, objectively not opinion-wise.

But then if she truly cares for him,she can mould him to someone she respects provided the guy is willing.I've actually seen a lady do that and today they are happily married with kids.

I don't respond to emails.

StubbornGENIUS:
But then if she truly cares for him,she can mould him to someone she respects provided the guy is willing.I've actually seen a lady do that and today they are happily married with kids.

She can try if she wants to. Good luck.

Saintinoo:

Some woman are truely stupid, no pun intended, you just found yourselve a better guy and then what? He is not smart, make him smart, bring up conversations that will make him talk smart.

I believe you will not take much of it if he tells you what he doesn't like about you... If you feel you want a perfect man then ask God for permission to mould your own type of man.

No! she isn't stupid! neither is any other woman concerned for her relationship stupid. We all have reasons why we are dating who we are, if any one , a woman for that matter is feeling unsatisfied in her relationship she isn't stupid for feeling that way or for seeking advice on how to handle it.And if she ends it , she isn't stupid either.
Y'all should learn to respect "choices" , "freedom of expression" and freedom to "make decisions" . She doesn't have to force what she knows it won't last, To her Smartness is a big deal . That she leaves a "good guy" doesn't mean she wouldn't find a good and smart guy. And if she decides to make it work too, well that's her decision .

I wonder why you are so judgemental? And hey if he tells her what isn't good about her, they either work it out or walk out . No one should endure anyone, that's why it's called DATING not MARRIAGE. HAIN!

Scholar94:
Let me simply advise u on how u can help him. It is as simple as giving him a topic u will like to discuss with him prior to the day u guys are gonna meet. Of course, u will have to do that with maturity. I use this trick to carry any lady I found interesting to talk but who might not share similar interests with me or perhaps are not that current. Trust me he will do anything to make sure he holds his points before u guys meet if truly he's into you.

U can follow this format;

ME: (just in d middle of discussion), This incident of George Floyd really hit me. I can't still stop thinking about it he lost his life just like that

SHE: George Floyd?? Who is he?

Me: he is an African American murdered recently in Minneapolis in USA by a USA police officer. He was accused of spending fake $20 at a grocery store. Americans and their racism!! I'm sure the guy was murdered because he's black

Her: (crying emogy)...

Me: I'm even thinking we talk about this when next time we meet.

This might look like ya forcing thing. But really to me, it is not. We are simply bringing out the best in each other. It is almost impossible to find a partner that will fit into all u want. U will have to build the castle yourself!

Just accept they are very different kinds of people shaa. You made a good effort though, well done.
I am playing your picture now, and after she mentions who GL is, he says, “hey yaa” and waits for the lady to leave before switching channels to one Nollywood channel where all his reality, imagination and entertainment lie. Or to a boxing channel. Or to whatever it is that occupies his brain/mind (this could even be money and how to make it rain).
The next time they meet, she brings it up and he wonders in his head “oo na nwanyi a ama hapu mu aka to be, eh? Kedu udu nonsense bu nkea?” ...when he gists his friends, they go like “ndi oke akwukwo a, why you can’t choose simple and beautiful Ugomma who can cook well and is respectful, na ada eye nsogbu, we don’t know!”...

The poster without meaning to, is likely to let contempt for him seep into their lives, with ugly consequences. As it is, he is the innocent one here, because he is there being himself, feeling all accepted and secure while she is here wanting him to be who he is not, for her peace of mind, to accept him better.

With a situation flip, a woman is more likely to learn new things to better fit into a partner’s world . First reason (a good one, from Nature, why they multitask better) is because of all the ?lateral inhibition they are capable of, and the second (a bad one, from conditioning) is that because of our society, where women aspire to be wives and the men pick, the women would be more likely to do MORE to “be chosen”.

She should just find someone she can respect I think. It is impossible for me to fall for someone who isn’t somehow “more” sha, I even want to learn from a man, but then it’s not about me.
He is not a bad person, he is just not for the poster if the marriage has to start off with a fighting chance. Of course people can defy odds, so, yeah.

blogger10:

Well, I can tell you're the inquisitive type. Do you feel like you can't connect with him emotionally? Well itt's true, he's blocking you out mentally.
Now, you feeling bad won't help, just carry positive vibes - find other things to keep you busy...
What you seek, you find.

You should find out why.

Op, how's the guy's social life. Thing is, your man is intelligent,well academically intelligent but probably not the socially versatile type. Some of us are just one way traffic like that and we take note of only our immediate environment and things that really really matter. If not for Nairaland I may not have heard of Floyd or Uwa. but I follow the likes of Malcom, Pinker and others funny right? It's all about interest.

Now, you can't solve this problem without him acknowledging it as one. Talk to him, You may introduce him to this forum as well. Just find your common grounds,and work on his mind from there. Introduce him to books and probably some sane media.

I'm not saying this will solve all, but you just have to try. And if "symptoms" persist then you may have to make a decision. Two can not walk together unless they agree.

Snipespeter:
This life self, you try to hold a meaningful conversation with your girlfriend she will say that you are claiming you know it all.
You keep quiet for peace to reign, they say you are not smart. I tire oh

The matter tire me. Instead of her to drop the number of the guy here so that some of us ladies can confirm, she’s busy complaining he doesn’t like to talk anyhow.

cynosuree:
Good morning. This issue has been bothering me for a long time, and I feel like it's too sensitive to ask for second opinions from people I know so I figured I'd maybe ask some strangers on the internet.


I've been with my boyfriend for about 6 months now and he's everything I ever wanted in a man. Physically, he's gorgeous, and he also loves me alot. He's kind, he's patient, communicates effectively and all. You know, all the good stuff.

But here's the problem, he cannot hold a conversation beyond "what are you doing" , "what did you eat" (and all that boring stuff) to save his life. I'm not even talking about intellectual conversations like quantum theory or anything, normal conversations about stuff that's happening around the world or around us. Anytime we try to, it usually fails spectacularly. He either ends up missing the ENTIRE point and saying something totally unrelated, or he just waits for me to say what I think so he can go "Yeeaaaa that's true" , leaving me really pissed.


He has absolutely NOTHING intelligent to contribute to any serious conversation, and this hurts me alot because it is a HUGE turn off and I'm slowly losing interest in him. It's a very tricky situation because he does/did well academically, he graduated with very good grades but that's about it...nothing more. I didn't notice it at first - before we started dating, or I would never have dated him because it is a deal breaker for me.


I have considered telling him but I don't exactly know how to approach the conversation without being rude/insensitive, I know telling him would really hurt him and I don't want that. I've also thought about learning how to live with it, because no one is perfect right? Maybe I'm asking for too much?

The latter option is what I've been doing and it's gradually killing me. I fear that I'll fall out of love completely with him and end up hating myself for ruining a good thing, because he's a really good guy .


I'd like to know what you think

Maybe you guys are just not interested in the same things. He made good grades right? So he is clearly not unintelligent. He just doesn't take interest in most things, and therefore doesn't bother trying to be knowledgeable in them.

Also, how does he communicate with his friends and colleagues? Do you think they perceive him the same way?

In any case, don't expect him to think and operate in the same level of intelligence as you (maybe you are exceptionally intelligent). The truth is that most men don't have real depth. Some are good in covering it up by being loud and condescending, but when you really engage them you find out they are not really as knowledgeable as they pretend to be.

I understand your concern and how frustrating it can be. But if you really love this guy you need to accept him the way he is and don't just try to live with it, be okay with it. Maybe eventually your own knowledge and intelligence will begin to rub off on him.

Also encourage him to learn new things. Watch news with him, visit websites where you can learn new things together, introduce him to board games, learn about different types of music together (not all those yeye Nigerians music oh), tell him historical stories e.t.c.

Maybe someday he will develop some sort of hunger for learning. And if he doesn't, well that's that not the worst thing to live with. Trust me!

HarunaWest:

Any brilliant guy is a smart guy...I often dull some conversations atimes cos i feel its not intelligent enough to be discussed. Am well read very educated and vast.
I may start a conversation about the Neanderthal but you wouldnt comprehend cos you are used to the Homo Habilis or The big bang theory..So i just keep shut.
Am sure thats what is going through your guys mind. The sort of interest he has is way beyond normal and no one will seem to understand him.
Is his favourite music genre Reggae or Afrobeat?

I see the washing
Continue but we are not buying it ooo, lol.
It’s hard for you to deal with man being dumb eh? Meanwhile woman is called dumb everyday on here.

Me, I even want to know how people measure intelligence because these days if your area of interest doesn't go along with another's to converse on, it simply means you are Unintelligent!

Or if you aren't the type who talks about everything and anything, you are Unintelligent!

Please help oooo, must I know everything to be intelligent?

Ybaby:


Most sound men dont talk much..... some do but most sound men come to thier woman for peace and step down NOT for intellectual banter. You will be surprised with his guys he may talk a bit more.

This reads all kinds of somehow to me.

cynosuree:
Good morning. This issue has been bothering me for a long time, and I feel like it's too sensitive to ask for second opinions from people I know so I figured I'd maybe ask some strangers on the internet.


I've been with my boyfriend for about 6 months now and he's everything I ever wanted in a man. Physically, he's gorgeous, and he also loves me alot. He's kind, he's patient, communicates effectively and all. You know, all the good stuff.

But here's the problem, he cannot hold a conversation beyond "what are you doing" , "what did you eat" (and all that boring stuff) to save his life. I'm not even talking about intellectual conversations like quantum theory or anything, normal conversations about stuff that's happening around the world or around us. Anytime we try to, it usually fails spectacularly. He either ends up missing the ENTIRE point and saying something totally unrelated, or he just waits for me to say what I think so he can go "Yeeaaaa that's true" , leaving me really pissed.


He has absolutely NOTHING intelligent to contribute to any serious conversation, and this hurts me alot because it is a HUGE turn off and I'm slowly losing interest in him. It's a very tricky situation because he does/did well academically, he graduated with very good grades but that's about it...nothing more. I didn't notice it at first - before we started dating, or I would never have dated him because it is a deal breaker for me.


I have considered telling him but I don't exactly know how to approach the conversation without being rude/insensitive, I know telling him would really hurt him and I don't want that. I've also thought about learning how to live with it, because no one is perfect right? Maybe I'm asking for too much?

The latter option is what I've been doing and it's gradually killing me. I fear that I'll fall out of love completely with him and end up hating myself for ruining a good thing, because he's a really good guy .


I'd like to know what you think

Start by buying him a good novel, not too bulky and buy same for your self, ask him to read it so that both of you will share ideas and morals on each chapter at least one's a day, the two of you should share your understanding and discuss the chapter daily, from there trust me, he will always want to be ahead of you, because he wouldn't want to appear dumb or you seeing him less intelligent,

my girlfriend use to be worse than your boyfriend but the trick above is what I use and now, Nah me dey even tire for her self, babe will be up awake middle of the night making research and knowing stuff, and lastly, introduce Nairaland to him, coming here daily makes you think and reason wide as you learn new things and trends daily, politics, current affairs, entertainment and all
Cheers

Hathor5:


On of the worst things a woman can do is to get serious with someone she does not respect. It is a recipe for disaster
I also don't believe she can teach him by telling him to read.

This should be a verse in the holy books.
The good thing is that increasingly more people are realising it these days.

cynosuree:
Good morning. This issue has been bothering me for a long time, and I feel like it's too sensitive to ask for second opinions from people I know so I figured I'd maybe ask some strangers on the internet.


I've been with my boyfriend for about 6 months now and he's everything I ever wanted in a man. Physically, he's gorgeous, and he also loves me alot. He's kind, he's patient, communicates effectively and all. You know, all the good stuff.

But here's the problem, he cannot hold a conversation beyond "what are you doing" , "what did you eat" (and all that boring stuff) to save his life. I'm not even talking about intellectual conversations like quantum theory or anything, normal conversations about stuff that's happening around the world or around us. Anytime we try to, it usually fails spectacularly. He either ends up missing the ENTIRE point and saying something totally unrelated, or he just waits for me to say what I think so he can go "Yeeaaaa that's true" , leaving me really pissed.


He has absolutely NOTHING intelligent to contribute to any serious conversation, and this hurts me alot because it is a HUGE turn off and I'm slowly losing interest in him. It's a very tricky situation because he does/did well academically, he graduated with very good grades but that's about it...nothing more. I didn't notice it at first - before we started dating, or I would never have dated him because it is a deal breaker for me.


I have considered telling him but I don't exactly know how to approach the conversation without being rude/insensitive, I know telling him would really hurt him and I don't want that. I've also thought about learning how to live with it, because no one is perfect right? Maybe I'm asking for too much?

The latter option is what I've been doing and it's gradually killing me. I fear that I'll fall out of love completely with him and end up hating myself for ruining a good thing, because he's a really good guy .


I'd like to know what you think

Can you be more specific, like at least two practical examples of the nature of your conversations he comes up short in? It will help give quality diagnosis

merahki:



This reads all kinds of somehow to me

Yea it does!

It is why men may marry very intellectually smart wives when they are poor but once successful they will step down to women with average IQ but who know how to make a man feel masculine and strong d these men will refuse to let side chic go.

Reason : intellect never made a peniis hard.

Men have two brains and once successful the dominant brain is the peniiss.

Dont believe me : just observe your surroundings

Starter wives are used for ladders and trophy wives are pampered.

Starter wives are intellectual and know how to help a man succeed and trophy wives know how to make a man beg (does not mean she is daft but she does not lead with intellect when with a man - she leads with femininty)

A woman should aspire to be both.

Intellectual for herself

Sexy for her man

Ybaby:


Yea it does!

It is why men may marry very intellectually smart wives when they are poor but once successful they will step down to women with average IQ but who know how to make a man feel masculine and strong d these men will refuse to let side chic go.

Reason : intellect never made a peniis hard.

Men have two brains and once successful the dominant brain is the peniiss.

Dont believe me : just observe your surroundings

Starter wives are used for ladders and trophy wives are pampered.

Starter wives are intellectual and know how to help a man succeed and trophy wives know how to make a man beg (does not mean she is daft but she does not lead with intellect when with a man - she leads with femininty)

A woman should aspire to be both.

Intellectual for herself

Sexy for her man

I like that this is coming from a woman! Please preach to your fellow women eh! Asking for both isn't too much.

Omg tho! Is this how all men look to you? Two brains...good one stops working after we've made it and that bad one takes over. Mercy!

But I'm interested in knowing more in practical terms about this "leading with feminity" biko.

Ybaby:


Yea it does!

It is why men may marry very intellectually smart wives when they are poor but once successful they will step down to women with average IQ but who know how to make a man feel masculine and strong d these men will refuse to let side chic go.

Reason : intellect never made a peniis hard.

Men have two brains and once successful the dominant brain is the peniiss.

Dont believe me : just observe your surroundings

Starter wives are used for ladders and trophy wives are pampered.

Starter wives are intellectual and know how to help a man succeed and trophy wives know how to make a man beg (does not mean she is daft but she does not lead with intellect when with a man - she leads with femininty)

A woman should aspire to be both.

Intellectual for herself

Sexy for her man

Okay this has confirmed it for me, thank you.
The post was/is way off my alley (we are sailing very different life waters) then.
Cheers.

Ariza:
Me, I even want to know how people measure intelligence because these days if your area of interest doesn't go along with another's to converse on, it simply means you are Unintelligent!

Or if you aren't the type who talks about everything and anything, you are Unintelligent!

Please help oooo, must I know everything to be intelligent?

for example, I see a controversial post on social media that's been attracting attention. I screenshot and send to him, asks what his opinion is. It doesn't even require too much brain work, just tell me what you think.

His typical reply is "It's cool, I guess"

So I try to get him to be less vague by asking him to explain what he means.

And then he says something like "different strokes for different folks I guess" and then proceeds to ask what I think


I tell him, and he agrees with me... Next thing, "wyd"

chiddyok:

The matter tire me. Instead of her to drop the number of the guy here so that some of us ladies can confirm, she’s busy complaining he doesn’t like to talk anyhow.

Na this same problem I de get with my ex now. She's always saying that i claim to know it all and my friends don't complain because I'm their "Oga"

Maybe he is a totally phlegmatic personality?
Then your last post, dear OP, made him interesting again, to me.
I am likely to blank a screenshot of a social media topic too, I guess.
Just clarify, is he intelligent but totally not social or inclined to talk, or is he really dumb, dumb? Only you can answer this. Because the former is somewhat attractive, to me.
Give examples of real topics you have had that nearly did you in.

Atolu01:





You should find out why.

I don't think that's the problem

cynosuree:



for example, I see a controversial post on social media that's been attracting attention. I screenshot and send to him, asks what his opinion is. It doesn't even require too much brain work, just tell me what you think.

His typical reply is "It's cool, I guess"

So I try to get him to be less vague by asking him to explain what he means.

And then he says something like "different strokes for different folks I guess" and then proceeds to ask what I think


I tell him, and he agrees with me... Next thing, "wyd"

You would probably get same reaction from me if you send me random stuff you find on the internet . And FYI I'm a lady. So I can understand your man and you too. Your Man isn't the chatty type. But you can't tell me there aren't times he shows interest in some things or even try to discuss them with you. Things you sometimes find boring.

My dear you two are kind of different in that aspect, and it's either you work around it, accept it or walk away from it. Whatever you want to do think over it properly. But just know this, I don't consider him Dumb, He has his mind elsewhere. Talk to him, ask him why he hardly engage in conversations with you. The funny thing is He may have same impression of you. . You obviously have been conversing about the wrong things in your relationship.

merahki:




Okay this has confirmed it for me, thank you.
The post was/is way off my alley (we are sailing very different life waters) then.
Cheers.

You are welcome!

cynosuree:
I wouldn't want to be on the receiving end of this so I wouldn't do it to anyone.

That guy is not comfortable around you.

What you described in your post is me when I am not comfortable staying with someone. I am a good conversationist but when you come up with some attitude, I give a boring chat or crawl into my shell.

What impression have you been creating? Are you giving him I-know-it-all-attitude?

First thing first, make the atmosphere conducive for him and see him explode with words.

Allow him in the most case to lead the chat, don't always be in haste to provide an answer to the discussion, give him time to put his thoughts into words.

He may be trying to provide a perfect and flawless sentence which in most case denies him the opportunity to express him.

Another is the language of communication, Communicate in a language he is fluent in.

Since he is good, help him.

Very funny thread.

I wanted to say something but on the contrary, I don't have the strength to type.

cynosuree:

for example, I see a controversial post on social media that's been attracting attention. I screenshot and send to him, asks what his opinion is. It doesn't even require too much brain work, just tell me what you think.

His typical reply is "It's cool, I guess"

So I try to get him to be less vague by asking him to explain what he means.

And then he says something like "different strokes for different folks I guess" and then proceeds to ask what I think


I tell him, and he agrees with me... Next thing, "wyd"

I have a very good friend who is somehow similar. He is not opinionated and not a thinker in the philosophical sense. A pragmatic person and very chilled out. I remember when we once had a get together with some friends and were discussing life after death and the discussion became passionate but he would remain quiet all the time. I later asked him when we were alone why he didn't contribute. He said he does not contemplate such topics, he just enjoys life. However, he studied chemistry and is very successful with a very witty sense of humor. I would never call him stupid because such wit requires a whole lot intelligence. He can be a little bit boring sometimes because he tends to be indifferent but I'd prefer him to the guys who shout to make their point. Funnily he gets to be more talkative when he drinks. That's when he will tell you the best stories.

merahki:

Okay this has confirmed it for me, thank you.
The post was/is way off my alley (we are sailing very different life waters) then.
Cheers.

Some people would be Melania Trump and not Michelle Obama.

Ybaby:


Yea it does!

It is why men may marry very intellectually smart wives when they are poor but once successful they will step down to women with average IQ but who know how to make a man feel masculine and strong d these men will refuse to let side chic go.

Reason : intellect never made a peniis hard.

Men have two brains and once successful the dominant brain is the peniiss.

Dont believe me : just observe your surroundings

Starter wives are used for ladders and trophy wives are pampered.

Starter wives are intellectual and know how to help a man succeed and trophy wives know how to make a man beg (does not mean she is daft but she does not lead with intellect when with a man - she leads with femininty)

A woman should aspire to be both.

Intellectual for herself

Sexy for her man

Our first meeting on this site was mixed with gbas gbos on a particular thread with my alternate, but, I must confess, you just blew my mind with your observation.

Very well spot on, you are completely correct.

The bolded part is only applicable to a guy who has only become rich but otherwise thought he's been successful in life (read this again). Behind every successful guy, there is always smart and brilliant lady

Ybaby:


Yea it does!

It is why men may marry very intellectually smart wives when they are poor but once successful they will step down to women with average IQ but who know how to make a man feel masculine and strong d these men will refuse to let side chic go.

Reason : intellect never made a peniis hard.

Men have two brains and once successful the dominant brain is the peniiss.

Dont believe me : just observe your surroundings

Starter wives are used for ladders and trophy wives are pampered

Starter wives are intellectual and know how to help a man succeed and trophy wives know how to make a man beg (does not mean she is daft but she does not lead with intellect when with a man - she leads with femininty)

A woman should aspire to be both.

Intellectual for herself

Sexy for her man

Nicklaus619:


Start by buying him a good novel, not too bulky and buy same for your self, ask him to read it so that both of you will share ideas and morals on each chapter at least one's a day, the two of you should share your understanding and discuss the chapter daily, from there trust me, he will always want to be ahead of you, because he wouldn't want to appear dumb or you seeing him less intelligent

Lol I see alot of people have been suggesting this, but I have tried. Didn't work