Ybaby:


Most sound men dont talk much..... some do but most sound men come to thier woman for peace and step down NOT for intellectual banter. You will be surprised with his guys he may talk a bit more.

That's assuming the man is actually intelligent. He may just be uninteresting and boring.

That being said, I think I agree with you. It's the reason why I never really got the guys I was into back then. I tried to match their intelligence thinking it would impress them, didn't know it was the exact opposite. I never really understood that, but then I never knew the true size of a man's ego is as huge as the sea!

RealMrNigerD:

Can you be more specific, like at least two practical examples of the nature of your conversations he comes up short in? It will help give quality diagnosis

cynosuree:



for example, I see a controversial post on social media that's been attracting attention. I screenshot and send to him, asks what his opinion is. It doesn't even require too much brain work, just tell me what you think.

His typical reply is "It's cool, I guess"

So I try to get him to be less vague by asking him to explain what he means.

And then he says something like "different strokes for different folks I guess" and then proceeds to ask what I think


I tell him, and he agrees with me... Next thing, "wyd"

I don't want to be too specific, for the sake of anonymity

Hathor5:


I have a very good friend who is somehow similar. He is not opinionated and not a thinker in the philosophical sense. A pragmatic person and very chilled out. I remember when we once had a get together with some friends and were discussing life after death and the discussion became passionate but he would remain quiet all the time. I later asked him when we were alone why he didn't contribute. He said he does not contemplate such topics, he just enjoys life. However, he studied chemistry and is very successful with a very witty sense of humor. I would never call him stupid because such wit requires a whole lot intelligence. He can be a little bit boring sometimes because he tends to be indifferent but I'd prefer him to the guys who shout to make their point. Funnily he gets to be more talkative when he drinks. That's when he will tell you the best stories.

I like the man in this story, even down to the “a bit boring” bit . He is secure in himself, and is obviously not dumb, much like a very self aware person.
You should date him nah, for my pleasure

cynosuree:


Lol I see alot of people have been suggesting this, but I have tried. Didn't work

Because he is not the kind of person. I started reading Newspapers and listening to the news from age 5, you can't just expect one to develop that trait over night.

He is not the type, that's it.

merahki:

Maybe he is a totally phlegmatic personality?
Then your last post, dear OP, made him interesting again, to me.
I am likely to blank a screenshot of a social media topic too, I guess.
Just clarify, is he intelligent but totally not social or inclined to talk, or is he really dumb, dumb? Only you can answer this. Because the former is somewhat attractive, to me.
Give examples of real topics you have had that nearly did you in.

He talks, way more than me. And he can be a bit extroverted when he's around his guys, they talk alot....but it's never anything deep.

That's what I want with him sometimes, the deep stuff.

Op, I think you should break up with him. Not being able to have an intellectual conversation with your partner is such a turn off. Trust me, looks aren't everything (not saying they aren't something, lol), but things like these are as important as the physical attraction. There are men with both

Let's look at it this way; I'm pretty sure some intelligent ones may have crossed your path but don't meet your fancy(not nice) while this innocent dude that has the "niceness" to spray is not intelligent enough.

My friend forget that thing about your conscience not forgiving you and continue your search for your taste. Time will tell whether or nor you know what you're doing

All this "talk talk " self is tiring me and I'm beginning to think Op just need someone to type out her thoughts/decision for validation.


Like I have typed earlier, no one will hold you if you let the good guy go, It's your Life and your Happiness. But I will hold you and even blast you if you come back here to open thread that touch. Nairalanders aren't the ones to make a decision for you, You are . So whatever comes out of it be ready to bear or enjoy it.

I'm out!

cynosuree:



for example, I see a controversial post on social media that's been attracting attention. I screenshot and send to him, asks what his opinion is. It doesn't even require too much brain work, just tell me what you think.

His typical reply is "It's cool, I guess"

So I try to get him to be less vague by asking him to explain what he means.

And then he says something like "different strokes for different folks I guess" and then proceeds to ask what I think


I tell him, and he agrees with me... Next thing, "wyd"

I know how this feels. It has been my experience for practically my whole life. There's a disadvantage to being more aware than those around you. Having to dumb down your thoughts or views is really draining. It's the reason I have few friends male or female.
Something about IQ communication range

But he must have other interests like sports, politics, literature, etc no

I presume it would even be worse in a relationship. I can't imagine having anything serious with such a person.

Academic achievements are a product of rote learning mostly so they can't be efficient indicators of an ability to become what you want.

You can decide to stick with him and look for the kind of communication you want from friends and the internet
He probably worships the ground you walk on so you might want to consider that. A good man is hard to find ooo...
If you know it's going to make you resent him in the long run, you may want to call it quits now and save everyone future trouble.

UjuJoan2:


That's assuming the man is actually intelligent. He may just be uninteresting and boring.

That being said, I think I agree with you. It's the reason why I never really got the guys I was into back then. I tried to match their intelligence thinking it would impress them, didn't know it was the exact opposite. I never really understood that, but then I never knew the true size of a man's ego is as huge as the sea!

Huger than the sea


Stroking a man's ego should be taught to all girls who want successful marriages. They will learn to act less intelligent than the hubby (act oooooo girls do better than boys in school, grow faster and learn quicker but you have to act/ pretend you earn money less too and learn to ask him for help with masculine things, ask him for money etc) Just make him feel big and strong and don't compete with him.

Having said this, a woman better be smarter than him, 10 steps ahead of that nikka and have alot of her own money invested and saved up.

Playing a fool is not the same as being a fool


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MCxbZ8D7N1o A woman must learn to play the fool

merahki:

I like the man in this story, even down to the “a bit boring” bit . He is secure in himself, and is obviously not dumb, much like a very self aware person.
You should date him nah, for my pleasure

Everyone likes him. And yes he is very secure in himself. If you only saw what clothes he chooses to wear sometimes. Doesn't give a .... Is not trying to impress at all at all at all.

He is happily married though from what I see. If he wasn't I would hook you up.

Scholar94:
The bolded part is only applicable to a guy who has only become rich but otherwise thought he's been successful in life (read this again). Behind every successful guy, there is always smart and brilliant lady

I agree with you.....

What I am saying is that, the smart and brilliant lady most times is not the love of his life ( She maybe his wife) she is not the girl of his dreams, she does not make him beg, she is his ladder, his bob da builder, his rope to climb up, his dictionary, his map to success, what he can afford for now, his ride or die - she is many things but not the "love of his life"

He will NOT go out of his way for her - infact he will complain about feeding her - he wants her to pay for him being with her (bills) but when he meets the girl of his dreams he will toil for her, he will not use logic with her, he will provide for her

That is why these disillusioned women when they realised they have been scammed and thier "loving" husband who they feed, cloth and house has impregnated one village girl who he is clothing, housing and feeding they are extremely confused and make excuses for him.

Thier ego cannot take the fact that they are not his woman - they are the smart brilliant investor and that don't make a diickk hard. PERIOD!

she is the one who will say men are mean or scum when he is finished with her


The love of his life will say he is a good man, a great provider, a real man.

The ladder's sweat will be used to care for the love of his life and her kids.

Look around you before you reply me ........

UjuJoan2:


That's assuming the man is actually intelligent. He may just be uninteresting and boring.

That being said, I think I agree with you. It's the reason why I never really got the guys I was into back then. I tried to match their intelligence thinking it would impress them, didn't know it was the exact opposite. I never really understood that, but then I never knew the true size of a man's ego is as huge as the sea!

Maybe it was not you being (too) intelligent but your attempt to prove it. People who try hard to impress are a turn off. I have never met a man who refused to date a lady because she was smart.

Nbote:
If he was smart enough to make U fall in luv with him den he's smart enough to b ur boyfriend.. Thing is U've found someone much more sociable dan he is and U are now beginning to see flaws.. If U have lost interest in the relationship jus waka pass and leave d young man alone

seun abegs allow us to dey double like comment abeg

There are some comment you just wish u could like ten times.

cynosuree:
I don't think that's the problem

He may chat well with friends.

Ariza:
You would probably get same reaction from me if you send me random stuff you find on the internet . And FYI I'm a lady. So I can understand your man and you too. Your Man isn't the chatty type. But you can't tell me there aren't times he shows interest in some things or even try to discuss them with you. Things you sometimes find boring.

My dear you two are kind of different in that aspect, and it's either you work around it, accept it or walk away from it. Whatever you want to do think over it properly. But just know this, I don't consider him Dumb, He has his mind elsewhere. Talk to him, ask him why he hardly engage in conversations with you. Thing funny thing is He may have same impression of you. . You obviously have been conversing about the wrong things in your relationship.

.

cynosuree:
He talks, way more than me. And he can be a bit extroverted when he's around his guys, they talk alot....but it's never anything deep.

That's what I want with him sometimes, the deep stuff.

Sorry, I don’t think he is for you then

cynosuree:
Good morning. This issue has been bothering me for a long time, and I feel like it's too sensitive to ask for second opinions from people I know so I figured I'd maybe ask some strangers on the internet.


I've been with my boyfriend for about 6 months now and he's everything I ever wanted in a man. Physically, he's gorgeous, and he also loves me alot. He's kind, he's patient, communicates effectively and all. You know, all the good stuff.

But here's the problem, he cannot hold a conversation beyond "what are you doing" , "what did you eat" (and all that boring stuff) to save his life. I'm not even talking about intellectual conversations like quantum theory or anything, normal conversations about stuff that's happening around the world or around us. Anytime we try to, it usually fails spectacularly. He either ends up missing the ENTIRE point and saying something totally unrelated, or he just waits for me to say what I think so he can go "Yeeaaaa that's true" , leaving me really pissed.


He has absolutely NOTHING intelligent to contribute to any serious conversation, and this hurts me alot because it is a HUGE turn off and I'm slowly losing interest in him. It's a very tricky situation because he does/did well academically, he graduated with very good grades but that's about it...nothing more. I didn't notice it at first - before we started dating, or I would never have dated him because it is a deal breaker for me.


I have considered telling him but I don't exactly know how to approach the conversation without being rude/insensitive, I know telling him would really hurt him and I don't want that. I've also thought about learning how to live with it, because no one is perfect right? Maybe I'm asking for too much?

The latter option is what I've been doing and it's gradually killing me. I fear that I'll fall out of love completely with him and end up hating myself for ruining a good thing, because he's a really good guy .


I'd like to know what you think

You are lucky the only problem you find in him is his in ability to go into debate or argue in topics of your interests

Why not accept that single fault and deal with it

You can't get all in one package, honestly you can't

I suggest also you send a link to topics and issues of your interest let him read then when you are seated, you raise it up from there he may pick up

Then if you feel you can't cope, don't tell him that he is not a good candidate in that aspect, just walk out in a matured way but don't feel bad when you decides to come back and another has taken your place

Hathor5:


Everyone likes him. And yes he is very secure in himself. If you only saw what clothes he chooses to wear sometimes. Doesn't give a .... Is not trying to impress at all at all at all.

He is happily married though from what I see. If he wasn't I would hook you up

Lol @ clothes, now I definitely like him!
And @ bolded,

Hathor5:


Maybe it was not you being (too) intelligent but your attempt to prove it. People who try hard to impress are a turn off. I have never met a man who refused to date a lady because she was smart.

It wasn't really me 'trying', as much as it was me being who I was. I always found myself in a position where I had to come down to people's level, so it was always exciting to find myself where I had to actually be myself and find someone I can fully relate with. It wasn't really about intelligence, more of exposure. I figured out with time that a lot of men don't marry women who they can see as peer.

They will definitely date you, love to have you around but when it really comes to settling down, they go for women who have less intelligence capacity.

And I said a lot of men, not all men.

UjuJoan2:


It wasn't really me 'trying', as much as it was me being who I was. I always found myself in a position where I had to come down to people's level, so it was always exciting to find myself where I had to actually be myself and find someone I can fully relate with. It wasn't really about intelligence, more of exposure. I figured out with time that a lot of men don't marry women who they can see as peer.

They will definitely date you, love to have you around but when it really comes to settling down, they go for women who have less intelligence capacity.

And I said a lot of men, not all men.

Ok. Sorry for misunderstanding you.

merahki:



Lol @ clothes, now I definitely like him!
And @ bolded,

Ybaby:


Huger than the sea


Stroking a man's ego should be taught to all girls who want successful marriages. They will learn to act less intelligent than the hubby (act oooooo girls do better than boys in school, grow faster and learn quicker but you have to act/ pretend you earn money less too and learn to ask him for help with masculine things, ask him for money etc) Just make him feel big and strong and don't compete with him.

Having said this, a woman better be smarter than him, 10 steps ahead of that nikka and have alot of her own money invested and saved up.

Playing a fool is not the same as being a fool


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MCxbZ8D7N1o A woman must learn to play the fool

Lol . . Completely on point as usual!

Ybaby:


Huger than the sea

Stroking a man's ego should be taught to all girls who want successful marriages. They will learn to act less intelligent than the hubby (act oooooo girls do better than boys in school, grow faster and learn quicker but you have to act/ pretend you earn money less too and learn to ask him for help with masculine things, ask him for money etc) Just make him feel big and strong and don't compete with him.

Having said this, a woman better be smarter than him, 10 steps ahead of that nikka and have alot of her own money invested and saved up.

Playing a fool is not the same as being a fool


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MCxbZ8D7N1o A woman must learn to play the fool

You can teach it to your daughters, mine won't pretend to be less than. They will be taught to distinguish between strong and weak egos.

Almost everyone on this thread is a genius who likes intellectual conversations

merahki:



I see the washing
Continue but we are not buying it ooo, lol.
It’s hard for you to deal with man being dumb eh? Meanwhile woman is called dumb everyday on here.

Have you seen me call a woman dumb before on NL?

SweetCunt97:
If u love him, simply let it go. Find another intelligent person to gist current affairs with.

Ur head too correct

jansonn:
Chai, this life!! And me dey find girl I can discuss politics, nature, medicine and all that intellectual sturvs and all the girls I meet are as dumb as a chicken only Instagram and billing, even the fashion they claim they know and the movies they watch, they can't identify Sylvester stallion, they still call him Rambo for goodness sakes!! Let's chat pls, am really sapiosexual and am done with these "pretty" girls

"am sapiosexual" LMAO

cynosuree:
Good morning. This issue has been bothering me for a long time, and I feel like it's too sensitive to ask for second opinions from people I know so I figured I'd maybe ask some strangers on the internet.


I've been with my boyfriend for about 6 months now and he's everything I ever wanted in a man. Physically, he's gorgeous, and he also loves me alot. He's kind, he's patient, communicates effectively and all. You know, all the good stuff.

But here's the problem, he cannot hold a conversation beyond "what are you doing" , "what did you eat" (and all that boring stuff) to save his life. I'm not even talking about intellectual conversations like quantum theory or anything, normal conversations about stuff that's happening around the world or around us. Anytime we try to, it usually fails spectacularly. He either ends up missing the ENTIRE point and saying something totally unrelated, or he just waits for me to say what I think so he can go "Yeeaaaa that's true" , leaving me really pissed.


He has absolutely NOTHING intelligent to contribute to any serious conversation, and this hurts me alot because it is a HUGE turn off and I'm slowly losing interest in him. It's a very tricky situation because he does/did well academically, he graduated with very good grades but that's about it...nothing more. I didn't notice it at first - before we started dating, or I would never have dated him because it is a deal breaker for me.


I have considered telling him but I don't exactly know how to approach the conversation without being rude/insensitive, I know telling him would really hurt him and I don't want that. I've also thought about learning how to live with it, because no one is perfect right? Maybe I'm asking for too much?

The latter option is what I've been doing and it's gradually killing me. I fear that I'll fall out of love completely with him and end up hating myself for ruining a good thing, because he's a really good guy .


I'd like to know what you think

Intelligence is native, he may be brilliant but not intelligent. People rarely come as a complete package. They will always fall short in one area. If u get a super intelligent man now he may be uncaring or unfaithful

Romangalactic:
Almost everyone on this thread is a genius who likes intellectual conversations

Until you meet them in reality

Make I just continue to dey read with my popcorn and zobo

Nuel4:
"am sapiosexual" LMAO

Gee!!!

cynosuree:


I've been with my boyfriend for about 6 months now and he's everything I ever wanted in a man. Physically, he's gorgeous, and he also loves me alot. He's kind, he's patient, communicates effectively and all. You know, all the good stuff.

Communicates effectively but can't hold an intelligent conversation? That's contradictory.

But here's the problem, he cannot hold a conversation beyond "what are you doing" , "what did you eat" (and all that boring stuff) to save his life. I'm not even talking about intellectual conversations like quantum theory or anything, normal conversations about stuff that's happening around the world or around us. Anytime we try to, it usually fails spectacularly. He either ends up missing the ENTIRE point and saying something totally unrelated, or he just waits for me to say what I think so he can go "Yeeaaaa that's true" , leaving me really pissed.


He has absolutely NOTHING intelligent to contribute to any serious conversation, and this hurts me alot because it is a HUGE turn off and I'm slowly losing interest in him. It's a very tricky situation because he does/did well academically, he graduated with very good grades but that's about it...nothing more. I didn't notice it at first - before we started dating, or I would never have dated him because it is a deal breaker for me.


I have considered telling him but I don't exactly know how to approach the conversation without being rude/insensitive, I know telling him would really hurt him and I don't want that. I've also thought about learning how to live with it, because no one is perfect right? Maybe I'm asking for too much?

The latter option is what I've been doing and it's gradually killing me. I fear that I'll fall out of love completely with him and end up hating myself for ruining a good thing, because he's a really good guy .

He sounds super boring. I can imagine the torture you're going through.