₦airaland Forum

Babymamas:
the OP name is confusedgirl, which means she's a confused modafucker

Calling her a confused modafucker is an insult to confused modafuckers all over the world

Naughtysite:
You gave her the wisest advice but she may not ever take it.

Watch her dump that guy and later end up with a man who will still baby mama her and discard her like tissue paper.

I have seen that happen.

Same scenario.

He was being sarcastic. Can't you read?!
Here you are, advising a young girl of 26 to become a baby mama because no man will marry her!

I don't want to give birth to kids that have 2 homes, I grew up like that(it took me lots of self discipline not to become useless) and wouldn't want that kind of life for my kids, I want them to grow with their parents in ONE house...

you are making the fallacy of assuming, kids that grow up with both parents always turn out useful. lf he doesn't want marriage but gives you peace of mind then stop pushing marriage on him, leave and look for marriage elsewhere or stay and see things from his point of view.

Marriage is truly overhyped and very entrapping for the menfolk, women are so crazy about it, surprisingly few end up happily ever after. Truth is people can be very happy, respectful, knowing their bounds and responsibilities even much better outside marriage. More and more people are even afraid to get married anymore as the day gets by. More and more people a designing arrangements that looks like marriage but devoid of some of its very archaic and crude entrapments. The institution/idea needs to be revisited. African Polygamy is much suitable for this clime; good a thing the Moslems are proliferating it. The numbers of overripe and marriageable spinsters in the Christian South is shockingly astounding, not as if these ladies don't crave or desire marriage. Just that there are not enough marriageable/marriage worthy/rich men enough to go around but enough sugar daddies to go around, and Christianity abhors Polygamy

Just an honest take on the matter

Confusedgirl869:
Hmmm bae, what about my parents? Especially mum after all the home trainings she gave, wouldn't she think I disgraced her? Being the first daughter, you know how our parents think na.

.
How your parents think? Are you saying the training your parents gave you isn't appropriate?
It seems you have lost some good morality too to even want to settle for or think of being baby mama. Intentionally being a baby mama is the height of irresponsibility and lack of moral upbringing.
Marriage is an institution you don't graduate from. You remain in it building a home, nurturing children, setting and pursuing of goals with keeping in sight the purpose God instituted marriage.
If he's not ready for marriage,sit down and think what you want for your life. If a good marriage home is what you want,then, tell him you can't be a baby mama. No matter the hurt, move on. One young man with a good vision of marriage will come who you will love and will love you too and boom, you both will get married and live happily ever after with of course little misunderstanding here and there which I trust God helping you and your spouse overcome.
Don't settle for less.

Confusedgirl869:
I'm I not sacrificing my own freedom?

You all be saying you are doing us a favour. We are the most stressed in marriage. But a woman has to do what she has to do.

The real question is why should either of you sacrifice their freedom?

The way society especially Nigerian society has made marriage look, it is more like a bondage than happily-ever-after.

You have not given him a reason to see you as someone who is different from the average woman that would not give him that living-in-bondage kind of marriage.

Confusedgirl869:
You are a very silly man sir, you go about insulting Nigerian women on every thread, you think marriage is all about sharing bills? What of giving your husband peace of mind? I work and can easily share bills with my husband. Should I burst your stupid bubbles? My man is afraid of marriage because he was once in it, with a WHITE lady, she made his life a living hell, he nearly died. That fear is still in him.

I have decided to let him go though. He is a very good man reason I am finding it hard to let go.

Just stop generalizing.

And you think you are the angel that change him.

Please move on.

He is better off as an acquaintance than a husband.

Confusedgirl869:
Hello everyone. This account is created for this .

This issue has been bothering me a lot and I am very confused on what to do.

We have been together for more than 2 years now and we hardly have issues, infact we are a perfect match or so I thought.

I am 26 while he is 35, we both working and I never disturb him for money, I take care of all my needs myself. He is very calm and peaceful, doesn't hit me and I really admire him a lot. I on the other hand is also good, hardworking, not materialistic and all that makes a good woman.

So after thinking of our relationship thoroughly some weeks ago, I realised that there is really nothing stopping us from getting married this year or next. I decided to hear what he has to say because he never talked about us being or getting married. I also noticed that whenever he sees or hears about bad marriages he felt lucky he is not in yet. This always makes me feel bad because I know myself. I also wasn't a fan of marriage before I met him because of so many bad men out there, but everything changed when I met my guy, he is what I want. The very first day we met, the first thought that came to my mind was 'this is my him' I don't know why I had that thought being our first time meeting.

Anyways, few weeks ago I decided to ask him what his plans are. Are we in on a long thing or not? I got the shock of my life when he made me understand that he doesn't want to be tied forever, he loves his space and the way nobody disturbs him. That he only wants a baby mama, he wants me to be the mother his kids but not in marriage. I was mad and I cried for days. He was even sounding like nothing is wrong with being a baby mama, maybe not but I just can't.

Well, I made him understand that I can't be a baby mama and it will also be hard for me to move on with another person. I've bonded so well with him and all that. And I also hate jumping from one man to another. I told him to talk to people who are in successful marriages and stop looking at the bad ones. Today when we were talking I asked him about it and he is still maintaining his stand on the mama.

I don't want to give birth to kids that have 2 homes, I grew up like that(it took me lots of self discipline not to become useless) and wouldn't want that kind of life for my kids, I want them to grow with their parents in ONE house. At the same time, I don't want to lose my good man and relationship.

I need your opinions please.

what's wrong with being a baby mama, your mates are doing it

olumide4christ:
Some people are just a disgrace to us as men. Imagine a 35 year old man not thinking of getting married, but planning for baby mama. At his age, I had been married for 5 years and up till now, still enjoying my home - wife and children - after 9 years of marriage.
Some men will just be growing age-wise, but still be reasoning like a 21 year old!

What a pity!

Marriage doesn't make you matured simp.

Beatswim:
from my own perspective here, it seems u are the problem here, this guy has seen something about u that he can never live with hence he threw the option
of babymama for u to decide and from your own upbringing, he knows u can never accept it.. My advice is check yourself well before entering another relationship becos this your boyfriend is 35... Shows hes more matured and experienced than u.. Here are somethings u need to check
-men love women that can cooperate with them in responsibility of a home.. If u are have the mentality that its the responsibility of a man to do everything at home.. Check it
Are u clean? Men observe this things.. U may not know.. Some ladies have terrible smell after intercouse hence the guy swears never to marry them
Character... Some ladies are mannerless and haughty and spontaneous mood swings.. Check this
Imcompatible sex life... Some ladies are so insatiable and have higher drive than their partners.. Never unleash all your sex capabilities now that u are courting hence he thinks he might not be able to cope later.
Lastly communication.. are you secretive?if yes pls check it.. I wish u well as u check this things

Confusedgirl869:
Thanks bro, I wouldn't say I have any problem, I am clean, we are compatible and all. Even all his friends loves, admire and praises me, they will sometimes ask when he is going to see my people, what are we waiting for but my guy always seem withdrawn or he changes the topic.

1. Lol that's what you think?

2. Don't mind his friends

Confusedgirl869:
Hello everyone. This account is created for this .

This issue has been bothering me a lot and I am very confused on what to do.

We have been together for more than 2 years now and we hardly have issues, infact we are a perfect match or so I thought.

I am 26 while he is 35, we both working and I never disturb him for money, I take care of all my needs myself. He is very calm and peaceful, doesn't hit me and I really admire him a lot. I on the other hand is also good, hardworking, not materialistic and all that makes a good woman.

So after thinking of our relationship thoroughly some weeks ago, I realised that there is really nothing stopping us from getting married this year or next. I decided to hear what he has to say because he never talked about us being or getting married. I also noticed that whenever he sees or hears about bad marriages he felt lucky he is not in yet. This always makes me feel bad because I know myself. I also wasn't a fan of marriage before I met him because of so many bad men out there, but everything changed when I met my guy, he is what I want. The very first day we met, the first thought that came to my mind was 'this is my him' I don't know why I had that thought being our first time meeting.

Anyways, few weeks ago I decided to ask him what his plans are. Are we in on a long thing or not? I got the shock of my life when he made me understand that he doesn't want to be tied forever, he loves his space and the way nobody disturbs him. That he only wants a baby mama, he wants me to be the mother his kids but not in marriage. I was mad and I cried for days. He was even sounding like nothing is wrong with being a baby mama, maybe not but I just can't.

Well, I made him understand that I can't be a baby mama and it will also be hard for me to move on with another person. I've bonded so well with him and all that. And I also hate jumping from one man to another. I told him to talk to people who are in successful marriages and stop looking at the bad ones. Today when we were talking I asked him about it and he is still maintaining his stand on the mama.

I don't want to give birth to kids that have 2 homes, I grew up like that(it took me lots of self-discipline not to become useless) and wouldn't want that kind of life for my kids, I want them to grow with their parents in ONE house. At the same time, I don't want to lose my good man and relationship.

I need your opinions, please.

You are dating yourself and you don't know.

Toks2008:
Then get married to him and accept your babymamaship.

See the guy is just being sincere. People get married for many reasons so marry him with the conditions and be at peace.

I know my advise always sound North on this forum but I always advise from years of experience and the wisdom GOD gives me.

He is indirectly asking for open marriage so give him that if you love him and make yours a closed marriage and allow him the open type then condition your mind to allow him his total freedom.

Who knows, he just might change his mind after some years and even if he doesn't you can always cope since you say you can't leave him.

U RE A MISERABLE FOOL.

manontree:
I have seen some situations where a couple needed advise from me. The lady said, Doc, I cant live without him. The man said, God, she is choking the life out of me. I simply want my space

A few years later, both were wrong. The lady not only moved on to a better man and better things, he realized he is the one that couldnt live without her and desperately came to me to help him win her back

You see, no man that respects you (which to me is a cardinal point in a good marriage) would ever wish this on you. He clearly dont value you nor desire being with you for life. In short, you are a stop gap to finding his life mate. Ask yourself, wont he plead for marriage the moment he sees that woman that he cant do without?

Another point, few women can give what you give. You dont ask for money, you take care of things, you love him...That's scarce commodity in today's women. If you have all these, except you look like a whale, there would literally be a long queue seeking your attention. Why settle for this?

Like someone said earlier and like the story of the couple above, a few years down the line and you would look back at this with horror about the mistake you nearly made. For truly he is a mistake

Last shot: For those slating marriage, I have been married for almost two decades, as are my friends. Too numerous to mention. Everyone is having a ball. For that one bad marriage that social media highlights, there are thousands, yes thousands, of amazing unions. Keep deceiving yourselves. Marriage is this and that. Like you arent a product of one

Even whales get married

But come to think of it, no one knows what this girl looks like.

Confusedgirl869:
Hello everyone. This account is created for this .

This issue has been bothering me a lot and I am very confused on what to do.

[s]We have been together for more than 2 years now and we hardly have issues, infact we are a perfect match or so I thought.

I am 26 while he is 35, we both working and I never disturb him for money, I take care of all my needs myself. He is very calm and peaceful, doesn't hit me and I really admire him a lot. I on the other hand is also good, hardworking, not materialistic and all that makes a good woman.

So after thinking of our relationship thoroughly some weeks ago, I realised that there is really nothing stopping us from getting married this year or next. I decided to hear what he has to say because he never talked about us being or getting married. I also noticed that whenever he sees or hears about bad marriages he felt lucky he is not in yet. This always makes me feel bad because I know myself. I also wasn't a fan of marriage before I met him because of so many bad men out there, but everything changed when I met my guy, he is what I want. The very first day we met, the first thought that came to my mind was 'this is my him' I don't know why I had that thought being our first time meeting.

Anyways, few weeks ago I decided to ask him what his plans are. Are we in on a long thing or not? I got the shock of my life when he made me understand that he doesn't want to be tied forever, he loves his space and the way nobody disturbs him. That he only wants a baby mama, he wants me to be the mother his kids but not in marriage. I was mad and I cried for days. He was even sounding like nothing is wrong with being a baby mama, maybe not but I just can't.

Well, I made him understand that I can't be a baby mama and it will also be hard for me to move on with another person. I've bonded so well with him and all that. And I also hate jumping from one man to another. I told him to talk to people who are in successful marriages and stop looking at the bad ones. Today when we were talking I asked him about it and he is still maintaining his stand on the mama.

I don't want to give birth to kids that have 2 homes, I grew up like that(it took me lots of self discipline not to become useless) and wouldn't want that kind of life for my kids, I want them to grow with their parents in ONE house. At the same time, I don't want to lose my good man and relationship.

I need your opinions please.[/s]

First, negroes convinced you African women to have sex with them before they wife you. Now negroes just want you to birth for them. Meanwhile, one kobo, your waste of space boyfriend has not given you to show he can be a responsible father.

When will you realise that the enemy you have been sleeping with is there to ruin your life?He has no home training and good values- nothing! I am sure he is one 35 year old agbero looking creature who is about to become a fool at 40.

Let me tell you something about this your blind bat boyfriend. By the time he is in his 50's and suffering from erectile dysfunction, nobody will tell him to go and get married. He will go and get one girl like Regina Daniels to wife. All his money, he will spend on her whether she is faithful to him or not. While you will be there struggling to pay your last child's school fees. You better don't fall into that trap!

Ignore all the miscreants with no future here telling you to listen to that fool you call your useless boyfriend.

Dump him fast and move on with your life. Let him go and meet all those ratchet broke jezebels that will deal with him mercilessly.

You have been warned!

Aleora:
when people write shit like this,it makes me wonder the home thy came from#parents#when your family is united,your mum and dad are happily married you will want to be like them....that says it all...Goodluck with this ideology....

You know this forum has no age limit. He is probably 16 or so

Confusedgirl869:
Thank you all so much for your contributions. Let me make a few things clear

I said he is a good man because he doesn't womanise which is very important to me because I so much hate cheating, he is hardworking, he lives a simple life just like me, he is very peaceful.

He was once married and the lady (a white girl) made life very difficult for him, he almost killed himself. But then, I'm not the lady abi

I have decided to ask him one last time today, if he still maintain that, I move.

Do well to update this thread on your latest report before you deactivate this account.

Thank you

He who has a cap does not have head and he who has head does not have a cap. Please, don't go to a place where u would be endured . There are a lot of men that would marry you for your honesty and good behaviour. Please, don't force yourself on the guy, he does not need u if not there is nothing that can be making him to hesitate at 35. Just, be patient, u would see a good guy that would marry u. Pls I want you to reach out to me on this line 09013339023. Thanks

Ybaby:
You are not a perfect match. Only a man can decide a perfect match then gets on one knee and the lady can accept his proposal of perfect match so wake up.




Why don't you disturb him for money? Is he supposed to hit you? That is not what makes a good woman rather it is what good donkeys are made of - hardwork and not materalistic



You have left your goalpost and now playing attacker. Listen! when a man wants you - nothing can stop him from letting you know and he will pull every legal trick in the world to show it to you. You will not have to think - you will know.




It is not him!



He feels you are independent enough and hardworking enough to look after yourself and his child without being materialistic and needing him.

Are you?



Did you come to earth with anyone? Are you leaving earth with anyone?

You are trying to force a man into marriage and the women who did it before you - suffered for it.

At 26 years old, you are young and tight - do not waste these years with a man who does not want you because a man who will take 50 strokes of cane for you is somewhere, who will fight another man for you, who will provide for you and your kids is around the corner but this nonsense endeavour you are in - will not let you see him.





Work on your self esteem dear. Give that man 2 -5 years and he will meet the woman who he will kill for and her kids will live in the house with him while your kids will live with you. He will pay her kids school fees and you will pay your kids school fees.

Anyway I stand a hardworking non materialistic woman - but he still don't want you! The woman he will pick will not be "hardworking" and she will be materialistic and yet he will beg her to be with him.

What are you worth

Continue deceiving her, if at all she gets another man to marry, the man will still get fed up.

chris51:
My dear, a man in his 30s who wants you to be his baby is irresponsible, selfish and wicked.

Do not quarrel with him but start withdrawing from him. Let it be strictly, NO to sex again. If you are good enough for sex and not good enough for marriage, then forget him.
If you are a disciplined and we'll behaved girl, a good man will appreciate you.

No sentiments. Stop going to your boy friend's house. Give him small time to think. If he is not interested in marriage, call it quits.
Good luck

Straight out of the fish brain!

As if sex is his problem.

VenumX:
First, negroes convinced you African women to have sex with them before they wife you. Now negroes just want you to birth for them. Meanwhile, one kobo, your waste of space boyfriend has not given you to show he can be a responsible father.

When will you realise that the enemy you have been sleeping with is there to ruin your life?He has no home training and good values- nothing! I am sure he is one 35 year old agbero looking creature who is about to become a fool at 40.

Let me tell you something about this your blind bat boyfriend. By the time he is in his 50's and suffering from erectile dysfunction, nobody will tell him to go and get married. He will go and get one girl like Regina Daniels to wife. All his money, he will spend on her whether she is faithful to him or not. While you will be there struggling to pay your last child's school fees. You better don't fall into that trap!

Ignore all the miscreants with no future here telling you to listen to that fool you call your useless boyfriend.

Dump him fast and move on with your life. Let him go and meet all those ratchet broke jezebels that will deal with him mercilessly.

You have been warned!

Your comment really cracked me up, thanks.

Sweet babe. Can we be friends

Psych412:
another matter on board

I doubt a man can be that open.

Boredasf:
So you want him to sacrifice his freedom by marrying you abi
Abeg shift!!!

That young man is wise for not wifeing you up.
Marriage benefits Women not men.

I sincerely hope more men adopt this philosophy.
You women don't deserve marriage.
Any man that decides to marry any woman in this 21st century should know that he is doing her a HUGE favor!

Shia!...you have problem..*SMH*

pansophist:
She basically shot herself in the foot with that comment, while validating all what the men are saying here, but she doesn't know. Lots of men are wondering what they benefit from marriage except sex, and she just prove that is what women has to offer. Their bodies and being present, that's all.

From the comments on this thread, especially from the ladies, it is clear that men and women see love differently. A woman sees love and marriage as a place where she come and enjoy herself, a buffet of bliss and goodies, and to live happily ever after. Disney really messed up how women perceive love. Women live longer than men, and that is the shortest answer I can give on how marriage suck the life out of lots of men. Of course I'm not against marriage, but the sad truth is that the women we have now are different from the time of our mother. Its natural that things will balance out.

To men, love and marriage is journey of responsibility, a circus of the being sacrificial lamb always, which will consume all your money and headache, with the possible problems of a pretentious wife, her paranoia and her inlaw wahala. Also, lots of men wants to enjoy what women enjoy during their young age, and not be tied down quickly after hustling hard to become attractive to women finally. Women marry when they are in their late 20's to early 30's, after enjoying their youthfulness with different guys, but men will be tied quickly when their attractiveness just got riped? Can you see what I'm seeing ?

Exactly bro and i guess that is why a we have a lot of married men sleeping around just to make up with the lost time.

manontree:
[s]I have seen some situations where a couple needed advise from me. The lady said, Doc, I cant live without him. The man said, God, she is choking the life out of me. I simply want my space

A few years later, both were wrong. The lady not only moved on to a better man and better things, he realized he is the one that couldnt live without her and desperately came to me to help him win her back

You see, no man that respects you (which to me is a cardinal point in a good marriage) would ever wish this on you. He clearly dont value you nor desire being with you for life. In short, you are a stop gap to finding his life mate. Ask yourself, wont he plead for marriage the moment he sees that woman that he cant do without?

Another point, few women can give what you give. You dont ask for money, you take care of things, you love him...That's scarce commodity in today's women. If you have all these, except you look like a whale, there would literally be a long queue seeking your attention. Why settle for this?

Like someone said earlier and like the story of the couple above, a few years down the line and you would look back at this with horror about the mistake you nearly made. For truly he is a mistake

Last shot: For those slating marriage, I have been married for almost two decades, as are my friends. Too numerous to mention. Everyone is having a ball. For that one bad marriage that social media highlights, there are thousands, yes thousands, of amazing unions. Keep deceiving yourselves. Marriage is this and that. Like you arent a product of one[/s]

It's not a must to get married, enough of the lies 90% of people in marriage are regretting, the cheating, domestic violence, nagging and many disadvantages.

Boredasf:
So you want him to sacrifice his freedom by marrying you abi
Abeg shift!!!

That young man is wise for not wifeing you up.
Marriage benefits Women not men.

I sincerely hope more men adopt this philosophy.
You women don't deserve marriage.
Any man that decides to marry any woman in this 21st century should know that he is doing her a HUGE favor!

100% correct

To me i dont understand why men will have a good lady and still get scared of building a home with them....
well the truth might be that to him u not his perfect match for marriage but to you the lady u feel u are his best...
i think its important u move on and avoid wasting your time with him... in future you will be glad u did.

Confusedgirl869:
You? A red piller, never.

So you one of those feminists that shame men here, good thing your man is smart not to enter a bondage called marriage with you

mrpaedo:

Naija guys don dey get sense small small
Marriage is a complete NO-NO for me
Bachelor for life

e go tire u.

Girl the guy See's no future with you,he's probably making up that shits just to scare you off thinking he'll wife you someday. How can a 35yr old man not want to be responsible?...what makes a boy a man is his sense of responsibility and that kinda comes wen a man decides to have a family of his own.

This whole baby-mama thingy disgusts me.

Girl you better not ruin your life because of one emotional inbalanced kiddo.

Receive sense!!!!!

zedman1:
If truly you're who you say you are then you must be a good girl. The good ones suffer more in relationships. I hated break ups while I was still single cos' I get hurt so bad for so long.... As a guy o. But truth is, some persons just don't see you as one they'd spend their lives with, no matter how convinced you are that you're meant for them. It's hard to move on (used to be for me though), but you don't force such persons on yourself. If he wants you, he'll stay, explain to him again, if he isn't ready for the kind of union you want, I think you should move on.

Dude the guy is not interested in getting married to any woman.

ashawopikin:
what's wrong with being a baby mama, your mates are doing it

Well he'll be under no obligation to you,your children or your family, unlike in the west where he is mandated to pay hefty child support

it's your call... if you know u can cope with him having other people, then no problem..