₦airaland Forum

22 is not just, mind you. You can apply for jobs online from your father's house and when you are called up for interview, go to her house attend the interview, help her over the weekend and go back. I finally landed a job in Abuja at 23,i was applying from Port harcourt, came for interview, secured the appointment, spent 2 months at my aunty's house and rented a self con.
If you don't like the treatment, you can leave.

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I was once in your shoes at Abuja after my NYSC. I was the nanny, cook, baby sitter, substitute mummy etc. All these even while I was working and also belonged to Choir in my Church. I remember always battling with headache cos of fatigue.

In fact once I was sick but she pretended not to notice. It was a cousin who came visiting that got me medication. But in all these I was also developing my skills. Now, courtesy of them, I don't pay house rent in Abuja (they gave an apartment in one of their houses), all because I endured. I even landed a better job through them.

I will advise you to serve now, while not neglecting your future of course. Sometimes in life, you have to pay your dues. Endure now, it will be good for you cos I want to believe that your sister doesn't hate you(unless you think she is intentionally making life difficult for you)

oluwaseyi0:
My story look a little bit like yours

Those days of my ND whenever I visit my aunt, I automatically assume the role of the one to do house chores her kids are lazy, as I continue to grow older it doesn't sit well with me, during my HND I learnt photography and start doing wait and get photos while staying with a friend, immediately I start earning small changes my dependency on her greatly reduced hence I don't visit often, before and during my service year I learnt programming and got a job immediately after service

I am grateful for all my aunt and her husband has done for me but the truth is I WON'T ACHIEVE ANYTHING IF I CONTINUE TO STAY WITH THEM MY MIND WILL BE MORE FIXATED ON COMPLETING A NEVER ENDING CYCLE OF HOUSE CHORES RATHER THAN THINKING ABOUT MY CAREER


it's very unfortunate that that's a typical African family treatment

@adunni07 you are simply are adopted house girl and that is not going to change any time soon, no one is gonna let a passive slave free just like that, fighting her is a no no, it is a war you will never win but you will come out severely wounded, she will paint you as ingrate, your parents will rather support her, if you fight her her husband will rather support her and worse of all you will loose the gains and comfort her house bring

Your best bet is to find something doing asap, if it's to learn a vocational training, intensify your job hunting and act grown up, let her see you as busy, don't let her always see you as available, immediately you get a reasonable job your best bet is leaving her house

which programming language did you learn?

nowpresence:
which programming language did you learn?

I'm a computer science graduate so is kinda easy

I started with php, the laravel

Andela forced me to learn node and then later python

She has the right to be angry with you and also have the right to even send you out.

She is already giving you red signals, try and relocate to another place or be doing whatever she says until she stops you by herself.

Also, don't communicate with her husband for long time if she is not around. And if her husband is supporting you, hmmm! Then your sister will soon send you out.

You don't have any right in that house, do what she wants if you want to stay there

Na express you dey go so.....and if you are not careful, Na trailer go settle the matter

Greatzeus:
I know how you feel Op,but that feeling is wrong as long as you live under her roof. You feel that you are not her maid so why should you be doing all her work,see girl, humble your self,try to do all she asked of you,you are a woman,you should even enjoy doing chores,if you want to enjoy your stay at her house, please just do as she says.
If you think you can't cope with the work or stress,go back home to your parents. That's the only choice you have if you want to enjoy your stay and want to avoid rancour.

At bolded,
Can people just be reasonable for once?!
So because she was born with a vagin.a, she must ENJOY doing chores?
Did we read the same story? Even when she is sick she should enjoy doing chores?

Go back home and apply for jobs from there. Only visit her when you need to go for interviews in her state.

The big problem with the situation you are in is you would not have time to properly search and prepare for jobs. Not to talk of developing skills you need to stand out in the labour market. Before you know it, five years will be gone down the drain and you will be wondering what happened. Not knowing that you have been occupied with the full time job of being a housekeeper all along.

moadxist2:
Go back home for a while.

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oluwaseyi0:
My story look a little bit like yours

Those days of my ND whenever I visit my aunt, I automatically assume the role of the one to do house chores her kids are lazy, as I continue to grow older it doesn't sit well with me, during my HND I learnt photography and start doing wait and get photos while staying with a friend, immediately I start earning small changes my dependency on her greatly reduced hence I don't visit often, before and during my service year I learnt programming and got a job immediately after service

I am grateful for all my aunt and her husband has done for me but the truth is I WON'T ACHIEVE ANYTHING IF I CONTINUE TO STAY WITH THEM MY MIND WILL BE MORE FIXATED ON COMPLETING A NEVER ENDING CYCLE OF HOUSE CHORES RATHER THAN THINKING ABOUT MY CAREER


it's very unfortunate that that's a typical African family treatment

@adunni07 you are simply are adopted house girl and that is not going to change any time soon, no one is gonna let a passive slave free just like that, fighting her is a no no, it is a war you will never win but you will come out severely wounded, she will paint you as ingrate, your parents will rather support her, if you fight her her husband will rather support her and worse of all you will loose the gains and comfort her house bring

Your best bet is to find something doing asap, if it's to learn a vocational training, intensify your job hunting and act grown up, let her see you as busy, don't let her always see you as available, immediately you get a reasonable job your best bet is leaving her house

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MASTERCHIEF0847:
Personally i will advise you endure for now, at least she's your family.
Another point is she's pregnant and most women easily get pissed and irritated during pregnancy, it's a common thing.
You just need to try and get a job, that way you won't have to stay home most times which means less encounter with her and also you will be earning some income and probably save up and get your place in future.
What did you study in school? Get soft copies of your CV and other relevant documents and upload to some sites where you can apply for jobs, better than waiting. Who knows you could get lucky.

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Ariza:
Go back to your parents house. And there's nothing wrong in living alone at 22. But wait till you get a job before getting a place of yours.

I will go there for a while and keep searching for jobs...best bet is to get a work in another state if I wanna stay alone.

Pauldollars:
You shouldn't be in your sister's house and be struggling with home chores, as long as you're not bed ridden. Don't need to talk of when you were the first to wake up and stuffs like that. If you're becoming not too comfortable staying with her, you can stay with your parents or rent a house if you have the money. Staying in Abuja is not a guarantee that you'll get a job there.
I was once in your shoe when I stayed with my elder sister and her husband in Kuje Abuja while trying to get a job after NYSC. As a man, I did household chores for her without complaining. Eventually I left and got a job in Kaduna. Today I'm lecturing and into business.

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Adunny07:
I think I will do that

Na so, you will do the same amount of house chores at home, so what's the biggie?

Righteousness89:
I Pray For you! May a good Job fall on in no time! In JESUS NAME..


In the meantime do whatever you will expect someone to do for you if you were in your sister shoes...

You are Sisters! There should be no unnecessary quagmire!

Thanks...and Amen.

Are you paying high Abuja rent?

Are you paying for food?

Calculate How much the work you do is and how much rent and feeding will cost you.

I think you should talk to your sister on appreciation while her husband who is supposedly so nice can help with the chores because it is his house and his wife is pregnant.

It is funny how you declare the husband a nice man while you expect your pregnant sister to do chores even when she may be drained.

Alternatively go back home let the husband pick up the slack.

Adunny07:
thank you...am even thinking of applying for jobs thats far from where they live so I can use that as an excuse to get my own place...funny thing is her husband's sis who is also my age mate comes here only once in a while and that babe doesn't do anything...my sis will never open her mouth to tell her to help her do anything...but its me she wants to kill with work.

Typical of African wife, they devalue their own family but worship the ground their in-law walks on

bukatyne:
Some advises here already.

While you are with your sister, do what you can and leave the rest.

Also intensify your job search so you can move out as quickly as possible.

Funnily, she might mellow when you start working and buying salt and biscuit on your way back home.

Goodluck.

Thank you...I just wanna start working soon.

Eketem:
Are you paying high Abuja rent?

Are you paying for food?

Calculate How much the work you do is and how much rent and feeding will cost you.

I think you should talk to your sister on appreciation while her husband who is supposedly so nice can help with the chores because it is his house and his wife is pregnant.

It is funny how you declare the husband a nice man while you expect your pregnant sister to do chores even when she may be drained.

Alternatively go back home let the husband pick up the slack.

Trust me it's not about being pregnant, I've been there

She will probably not ask the lady to be doing all the chores if she is her sister in-law

oluwaseyi0:
I'm a computer science graduate so is kinda easy

I started with php, the laravel

Andela forced me to learn node and then later python

do you mean node js

thank you

Biglittlelois:
Is she your blood sister? If yes, is it that you didn't grow up with her or you both are not that close that you can't stand your ground and say your mind?

When I first got a new job in a different state from where I stay, I lived with an aunt that was very nice to me, she has kids and she made sure all house chores are done by them, to the extent that I had to assign a duty to myself so it won't be like I don't do anything at all, this aunt is a distant cousin o, not even a close one and till I left there and got my place, I had no cause to complain, she is that nice....

So Op I'm wondering if she is your blood, though people differ in character and personality, you should still be able to voice out and say your grievances, all the best.

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nowpresence:
do you mean node js

thank you

Yes, by node I mean node js

Eketem:
Are you paying high Abuja rent?

Are you paying for food?

Calculate How much the work you do is and how much rent and feeding will cost you.

I think you should talk to your sister on appreciation while her husband who is supposedly so nice can help with the chores because it is his house and his wife is pregnant.

It is funny how you declare the husband a nice man while you expect your pregnant sister to do chores even when she may be drained.

Alternatively go back home let the husband pick up the slack.

.

craleonic:
Go back home and apply for jobs from there. Only visit her when you need to go for interviews in her state.

The big problem with the situation you are in is you would not have time to properly search and prepare for jobs. Not to talk of developing skills you need to stand out in the labour market. Before you know it, five years will be gone down the drain and you will be wondering what happened. Not knowing that you have been occupied with the full time job of being a housekeeper all along.

True.

Adunny07:
Thank you...I just wanna start working soon.

All the best.

Wa fi pitan lola.

ModestGal:
[s]I know the tribe of your sister. They are good in using family members like slaves, let me just not mention it so they won't say I'm a tribalist.

But this particular tribe is very good at this thing, my sister friend for example, this lady is very wicked that she would tell the girl living with her to mop floor with rag, she said its neater than using mop. And the most annoying is that when the family members of this girl visit, they would still be calling the girl lazy (I mean her mother), this girl is almost depressed, she's a little girl in JSS3, she can cook food wey I no sabi cook. She looks very dull, it makes me hater her mum and a my sis friend shes living with because they are both wicked idiot practising child abuse.

Back to your matter, just have some patience ehn, the one you can do, do it, the one you cannot do, leave it. Don't get angry with your sister, just leave her to be angry, you can also say sorry and still not do the work she wants you to do. Thats how to live with those kind of people, and make sure you demand money very well from her, and if she no give you, report her to your mother. When you are through with service, commot her house. She no get option, you be her sister whither she likes it or not, and you can't have her in Abuja and move somewhere not convenient for you.

Tell her this, ''go and tell our mother to rewind time and not give birth to me to be your sister, but this one that I'm your sister, you will have to take care of me whether you like it or not''.

Now, play victim, always remind her of people with sisters that are handicapped but taking care of them, you can even play movies with such occurrences and grumble that, ''shebi na one sister be this''
Start playing baby, you can even form that you are sick, chronic one, dey vomit, and if your mother ask you, tell her that you have depression because of what you are going through in your sisters house.
Just make sure you don't fight with her or argue with her, just be doing all that and she won't even have the gut to quarrel with you, and you will both live in peace.

What if you are now like me? That I'm just learning how to do house chores and I'm not even interested in any house chores naturally, I might like it later but not now. The fact that I don't like house chores doesn't mean I'm lazy or not great and profressional in other areas like GRAPHICS DESIGNING (BRANDING), SMM, MENTORING and PUBLIC SPEAKING. She go kill me abi? CX na even she go cook the food wey I go chop for her house. But I go help her make more money with my services[/s]

Terrible post.

Biglittlelois:
Is she your blood sister? If yes, is it that you didn't grow up with her or you both are not that close that you can't stand your ground and say your mind?

When I first got a new job in a different state from where I stay, I lived with an aunt that was very nice to me, she has kids and she made sure all house chores are done by them, to the extent that I had to assign a duty to myself so it won't be like I don't do anything at all, this aunt is a distant cousin o, not even a close one and till I left there and got my place, I had no cause to complain, she is that nice....

So Op I'm wondering if she is your blood, though people differ in character and personality, you should still be able to voice out and say your grievances, all the best.

I have asked myself why the poster cannot tell her sister about it. She can even show her this thread. Weird sibling dynamic here.

Adunny07:
I said most times when I come she is pregnant...now am done with service and she is no longer pregnant...she gave birth in January....and trust me am not taking the food and accommodation for granted...just pointing out the fact that even now that am sick she is angry that I can't help when normally I help her...maybe u don't really understand my writeup sha...thanks anyways.

Can’t you tell her exactly how this makes you feel? Write her a letter or send her a text if you can’t talk to her about it. She may realise what she is doing wrong and correct it. She might even have a bone to grind with you. That’s why she is your sibling, someone you can say your mind to, if nothing else.
You can go home if nothing changes.

Additionally, you should leave her husband’s sister alone oo, or do you want her to land in trouble with her husband’s? This is the price many woman pay to be married. She can be sending you on these errands and even scolding you while mentally slapping that SiL .
Learn to talk to your sister sha.
Good luck.

Adunny07:
Please I just really need someone to talk to about this and I will like your candid advise..So since my older sis got married I always come to her house and spend few weeks or months and go back, all thru my university days whenever school is not on session I always come down here to spend time with her and her husband. Truth be told the husband is a very nice man and has helped me always financially, anytime I come here once my sister welcomes me the first day like this, from the second day she leaves all her house chores for me, I mean everything and she just relaxes...at times I get really tired and don't even feel like doing those chores but because most times when I come visiting she is heavy ( pregnant) so most times I just help her... thing is my sister doesn't appreciate all my effort, most times she complains self its the hubby that tells her that I am hardworking and at least she should give me credit for all I do. Now the reason why am writing this is because am done with service (NYSC) and as it is its like I have to stay in her house because the state where she stays has more job opportunities compared to where our parents live...she stays in Abuja...I have been down with malaria for few days now and I have been on treatment, just because I can't do certain house chores because am not too strong my sis started complaining saying I can't be living in her house and be waking up whenever i like...mind you I was always the first that wakes up when I wasn't sick, in fact I will wash the dishes, sweep, mop daily, cook food, bath her children and all those things..the only thing she does is to bath her youngest baby, but now because for these few days she has been doing those work I do daily she is already saying she can't tolerate me sleeping and not waking up on time. My question is this, does she have the right to be so angry at me because she is doing her house chores? I feel its her house and so she doing her house chores herself shouldn't be a problem since am not too strong to help her do it. She herself just sweep and doesn't mop, but she expects me to sweep and mop everyday...should i just go back to my parents house and get a job there? me renting my own house is not an option because am a lady and am just 22...please i need you guys advice, what can I do?

Go back home and give your sister her space.
It's ok to stay for a while, but staying till you get a job? That's overdoing it.
Besides, you can apply for a job anywhere from wherever you are.

Please go back to your parents house as soon as you get better. I'm so sure your sis is one of the people shouting black lives matter on the internet and treating her own as a slave.

just be patient op...I know how u feel ...try and get a job...saveup and move out...you are not too young to live alone. I started living alone at 22...same age as u...

A lot has been said. I really wish you well, darling. It will end in praise.

Living with somebody (friend,relative ,blood sister,in law whatever ) a lot of times doesn't end well. Issues like this will always come up.

Even siblings can be very terrible, some will use you to train their children and won't have any plans of progression for the sibling. You just notice that what the sister does for 2-3 years is nanny and housekeeping job, no personal achievement or anything.

You can resume doing the chores after you have totally recovered don't kill yourself ooo, just ignore her please or you can go home joor.

I wonder how she can't understand that you are not feeling well.