Op.... The mistake you did was marrying her. Did they force you into it?

veave:


I really do not understand you. Wait, Pregnancy is a mess? Wow!!! Guess I don't need to have any sort of conversation with you. Our thinking caps are not facing the same directions. Bye.

in my culture single girls are not encouraged to get pregnant.
I am not having any form of conversation with you because you practically lack morality

Na only you and your preek waka goooooo

What have you done to make it work?

Get her to read more. If you can, alot may change

Also hello her secure a hand work

ollins:
Let me cut the story short. Had a fling with this girl, along the line she got pregnant. You know all that talk of "if you could sleep with her, then you must marry her" "if you got her pregnant then you must marry her", Iooking back now, I wished I hadn't listened to all those voices.

I knew in my heart that I didn't love her, even she knew but the pressure from the family was too much, I had to marry her. On my marriage day I was practically crying within me.

Her character is just opposite of all I wanted in a woman, she's barely educated, loud and loquacious.

That's my cross I am carrying today, stuck in a loveless marriage.

The warmth and Romance is absent from our home, we have not had intimacy since beginning of the year till now, we just have no interest anymore in each other. We are just living together for the sake of our child.

My question now is how does one cope�? Is this how I am going to live the rest of my life?

If all you painted are true, please run, run and run. If u decided to stay because of a child, sorry is your case. The child will prefer happy parents.

GodShowmemercy:
Start wooing her again

nobi lie

romeorailss:


Why do people always equate sex to love and acceptance, little wonder so many baby mamas are in town .

That a guy sleeps with you does not mean he wants to marry you or loves you .

The earlier most women underatnd this, the better it would be for all .

You're full of wisdom... Keep it up
I don talk this thing over and over but them no listen. I like your submission : when does sex equates to love

Casemiro:


Op, are you legally married, like did you do wedding?


I can give you advice though on how to make things work out if you still want to stay.

Please which month and day where you born, and what about her.

NOTE: I am not asking about the year, just the month and day. For example, 12 March, June 19, etc.

Hope you get the drift?

Are u an astrologer?

As much as people will oppose to divorce, it’s still the best option in such situation, can’t decide to be unhappy for the rest of your life

philybuck:
As much as people will oppose to divorce, it’s still the best option in such situation, can’t decide to be unhappy for the rest of your life

I agree but like someone pointed out he will pay the price of not having his kid around all the time.

Give her burglary sex style she will surely change to your taste. Divorce is not the way o, because of your innocent child. I'm a product of broken home bro..it is the grace of God that helped me to make it in life. Don't look at today issues have perseverance and see how God works things out for good in your marriage. Finally, there is no angel anywhere, nobody is totally good and nobody is totally bad, one has to take the good with the bad. If you marry another woman you will still see her flaws which might even be bigger than the previous wife. Such is life bro. There is no 100 percent perfect marriage anywhere. For instance look at Buhari eyan sinzu marriage drama. That's like for you bro, it is full of miseries and lessons.

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ollins:
Let me cut the story short. Had a fling with this girl, along the line she got pregnant. You know all that talk of "if you could sleep with her, then you must marry her" "if you got her pregnant then you must marry her", Iooking back now, I wished I hadn't listened to all those voices.

I knew in my heart that I didn't love her, even she knew but the pressure from the family was too much, I had to marry her. On my marriage day I was practically crying within me.

Her character is just opposite of all I wanted in a woman, she's barely educated, loud and loquacious.

That's my cross I am carrying today, stuck in a loveless marriage.

The warmth and Romance is absent from our home, we have not had intimacy since beginning of the year till now, we just have no interest anymore in each other. We are just living together for the sake of our child.

My question now is how does one cope�? Is this how I am going to live the rest of my life?

You are not stock

Teach yourself to love her.

If you cannot. Then do the needful

But not punish the lady by giving her a loveless marriage and life.

CsRockefeller:
OP I have a feel of what are passing through. It's quite a pity you had sex with her.

I once had this small (petite) Yoruba girl. I was first attracted to her because I thought she was Igbo due to her fair complexion.

We got into d friendship, gosh!! She was there, everyday, every night. She will call with her credit and we will gist in Yoruba, we were an item, yet I refuse to ask her out.

I couldn't imagine myself with a Yoruba lady, even if I managed to get pass that hurdle what about her education? She was a hairstylist, her mom had just passed on, her father was away in Benin Republic, her brother was in Abk, so she was just alone in one room.

Two years gone, we were still friends, she kept on asking why I was taking time I really wanted to love her enough to date her but I couldn't find it. She asked if it was because she wasn't in school, then after my NYSC, she got admission to a Polytechnic, she thought I might have a change of heart. I didn't.

Every opportunity to go see her, I turned it down. It's now 4 years, she has decided to move on. I was still trying to close my eyes and imagine that she isn't Bisola but Nkechi or Chioma. Funny is that we spoke Yoruba everytime we spoke.

She invited me one day for that stuff, I told myself; don't do this if you don't love her enough to date her. I didn't go.

The following month she got a date, but she wasn't feeling it. We kept on talking and my presence was a distraction to her new found love. Las las d guy blocked me everywhere and I decided to let it be.

Sometimes, I just seat and beat my heart or brain for not finding that push or extra space to accommodate that girl in my heart.

Truth is sometimes our heart or feelings just plays tricks on us.

My own case was not that I didn't find a very nice beautiful girl but stupid Tribalism wouldn't let me be.

That's interesting

So being yoruba alone disqualified that lady

That's interesting

etrange:


<deviation>
I also know the talk of "skin-to-skin dey sweet pass", "condom is for boys", "real man go raw and withdraw", etc. Maybe those are what you shouldn't have listened to. If, when looking back, the major mistake you see and regret is getting married to her, then you need to think some more because getting married to her (though avoidable) was a only a consequence of a bigger mistake. The deed has been done, selective regretting can gain you Nairaland sympathy but that won't change a thing in your life. So don't just say you regret getting married to her (that makes it look like she is the protagonist), regret going in raw (a mistake you both made).
</deviation>

Sorry for that deviation, I had to let it out.

Now, I'm not an advocate of sticking to marriage if both parties are not happy, it makes zero sense and it could turn violent easily. Having separated parents is much better for the kids than a violent home. If you guys aren't happy together, I'll advise you go your ways to avoid stories. You have to understand this could result to you not participating actively in your baby's upbringing; a price you pay for your freedom. We just can't have it all.

If she's happy and contented in the marriage, it gets more complicated. Kicking out a woman who is happily married to you with your kid is not an option. True you can't easily cultivate love and you can't find what was never there but if what you don't like is her classlessness and not that she's always nagging, overspending and/or any such vices, then you could still make a friend of her. The so-called passionate love burns out after some years, friendship is what keeps couples going afterwards. If you make her your friend, at least, and she begins to understand you want her well-being, it will be easier to communicate the changes you want to see. Communication is key.

I know my take might not mean much cause it's a very difficult situation but the summary of what I'm saying is, don't be selfish in whatever decision you take, consider the other two parties involved.

Best of luck!

You've said it all

LAS LAS YOU GO DIVORCE AM

ollins:
Let me cut the story short. Had a fling with this girl, along the line she got pregnant. You know all that talk of "if you could sleep with her, then you must marry her" "if you got her pregnant then you must marry her", Iooking back now, I wished I hadn't listened to all those voices.

I knew in my heart that I didn't love her, even she knew but the pressure from the family was too much, I had to marry her. On my marriage day I was practically crying within me.

Her character is just opposite of all I wanted in a woman, she's barely educated, loud and loquacious.

That's my cross I am carrying today, stuck in a loveless marriage.

The warmth and Romance is absent from our home, we have not had intimacy since beginning of the year till now, we just have no interest anymore in each other. We are just living together for the sake of our child.

My question now is how does one cope�? Is this how I am going to live the rest of my life?

Your first Mistake was having pre-marital sex. Pre-marital sex often leads to unwanted outcomes such as the one u are in right now and I hope most young people will learn from your experience.

Your 2nd Mistake was allowing yourself to be coerced into marrying someone you don't love all becos she is pregnant for u. Getting a lady pregnant out of wedlock is a mistake, marrying her is a bigger mistake especially, if both of u are not ready for marriage or don't love each other that much. I see people making this mistake all the time. U would have tried to correct the 1st mistake by taking full responsility for the child, but not marrying the lady. U can be involved in the child's life, u don't have to marry the mum to do that. The young lady can get married to another man while u take the child and do the same. There are cases like this and things go smoothly for everyone. When the child is grown, he/she would be made to understand what happened.

Note, Divorce is not an option in this situation. That would be making the 3rd mistake. When people get hit with challenges, the first thing that come to mind is; What's the easy way out? and once they find it, they use it not knowing they have only succeeded in compounding the problem.
Face ur challenges for once and work on it, don't chicken out. Think on how u can get the problem solved not how to runaway from it. Running away from it will only complicate ur life.
Get the divorce notion out of ur head completely and work on ur marriage. There are millions of unhappy divorce couples who took the "easy way out" and are still not happy today in another marriage.

How Do U fix this:
* To Find Love in ur marriage u both must first surrender ur life and marriage to Jesus. He alone can handle circumstances that are beyond us and do what may seem impossible to us. He would bring transformation into ur life and marriage, that would amaze u, if only u give Him the chance.

* U have to deliberately cultivate Love for ur Wife, She might not be the perfect one, but who is even perfect in the first place. Perfect couples are divorcing everyday. A marriage that works is one in which both parties understand that they are imperfect and forgive easily. Love her unconditionally. She might not be ur taste, just love her, with time ur love for her will begin to grow. Love is a seed that grows when planted. It doesn't matter the soil.

* Settle ur differences by self evaluation & communication.

Ask urself these questions:

What are the qualities I desire in a lady, that she does not possess?
Are these qualities realistic?(try to be reasonable)
If there are, How do I help her become what I want her to be?
What qualities does she possess that I adore ?( there's definately one)

Have Her answer the same questions about U, and help each other into grow into what u both desire.
If it is lack of education, She can go to school. If she has a character that irritates u, u both can talk it over and hope for a change. work on her!
Marriages are built into what u want it to be. U have to work it out.

* Get a good Counsellor to counsel both of u and read books that would help u build ur desired Marriage.

* I believe even the romantic aspect of ur relationship will develop, if u put all this into practice.

We could talk more if u wish.
I rest my case, but remember, u are not in an impossible situation.

katyamizotta:


From experience I can tell that you will ask this question every year until you release that girl from this loveless marriage.

From your story you do not have a seed to use to repair this marriage: you were in despair on your wedding day! Where do you start to repair that from?

Go read my story. I have lived this for 8 or 9 years. It doesn't get better

But if you decide to quit try this first. Find a grandma to dump the kid with for a few hours at the weekend and go to fun places. Try not to think of yourselves in a couple situation. Just go out as acquaintances who knows....perhaps there is a seed somewhere afterall

so you mean that your marriage hasn't improved till now? . I just read your story. Life is not fair.

Anyway obo o Koro sugbon otito Koro. Words for the elders. ( pussy is not bitter but the truth is bitter)

Yeah that’s true, a price he chose when he decided to do unprotected sex with someone he wasn’t sure he would like to spend the rest of his life with.

Hathor5:


I agree but like someone pointed out he will pay the price of not having his kid around all the time.

komodapson:


Are u an astrologer?

Not really.

But one doesn't need to be one to understand how these things works

She's not want you want but you had sex without protection.

Chigold101:
in my culture single girls are not encouraged to get pregnant.
I am not having any form of conversation with you because you practically lack morality

And you've resulted to insulting me by saying I lack morality? Anyways I would not get in the mud with you seeing that I already have come in contact with lots of your type both here on nairaland and real life but let me school you. In your culture single girls do not get pregnant? Is the ops woman of same culture as you? She actually is his wife who he is no longer in love with. People fall in and out of love and that's reality. Wake up and smell the coffee please. Don't stay in your glass house and throw pebbles, I bet you're the type that turns their nose up when they see single female parents. Abeg abeg abeg... For the last time, bye.

JERIZO:


Your first Mistake was having pre-marital sex. Pre-marital sex often leads to unwanted outcomes such as the one u are in right now and I hope most young people will learn from your experience.

Your 2nd Mistake was allowing yourself to be coerced into marrying someone you don't love all becos she is pregnant for u. Getting a lady pregnant out of wedlock is a mistake, marrying her is a bigger mistake especially, if both of u are not ready for marriage or don't love each other that much. I see people making this mistake all the time. U would have tried to correct the 1st mistake by taking full responsility for the child, but not marrying the lady. U can be involved in the child's life, u don't have to marry the mum to do that. The young lady can get married to another man while u take the child and do the same. There are cases like this and things go smoothly for everyone. When the child is grown, he/she would be made to understand what happened.

Note, Divorce is not an option in this situation. That would be making the 3rd mistake. When people get hit with challenges, the first thing that come to mind is; What's the easy way out? and once they find it, they use it not knowing they have only succeeded in compounding the problem.
Face ur challenges for once and work on it, don't chicken out. Think on how u can get the problem solved not how to runaway from it. Running away from it will only complicate ur life.
Get the divorce notion out of ur head completely and work on ur marriage. There are millions of unhappy divorce couples who took the "easy way out" and are still not happy today in another marriage.

How Do U fix this:
* To Find Love in ur marriage u both must first surrender ur life and marriage to Jesus. He alone can handle circumstances that are beyond us and do what may seem impossible to us. He would bring transformation into ur life and marriage, that would amaze u, if only u give Him the chance.

* U have to deliberately cultivate Love for ur Wife, She might not be the perfect one, but who is even perfect in the first place. Perfect couples are divorcing everyday. A marriage that works is one in which both parties understand that they are imperfect and forgive easily. Love her unconditionally. She might not be ur taste, just love her, with time ur love for her will begin to grow. Love is a seed that grows when planted. It doesn't matter the soil.

* Settle ur differences by self evaluation & communication.

Ask urself these questions:

What are the qualities I desire in a lady, that she does not possess?
Are these qualities realistic?(try to be reasonable)
If there are, How do I help her become what I want her to be?
What qualities does she possess that I adore ?( there's definately one)

Have Her answer the same questions about U, and help each other into grow into what u both desire.
If it is lack of education, She can go to school. If she has a character that irritates u, u both can talk it over and hope for a change. work on her!
Marriages are built into what u want it to be. U have to work it out.

* Get a good Counsellor to counsel both of u and read books that would help u build ur desired Marriage.

* I believe even the romantic aspect of ur relationship will develop, if u put all this into practice.

We could talk more if u wish.
I rest my case, but remember, u are not in an impossible situation.

Thank you so much for these suggestions. I will try them

veave:



And you've resulted to insulting me by saying I lack morality? Anyways I would not get in the mud with you seeing that I already have come in contact with lots of your type both here on nairaland and real life but let me school you. In your culture single girls do not get pregnant? Is the ops woman of same culture as you? She actually is his wife who he is no longer in love with. People fall in and out of love and that's reality. Wake up and smell the coffee please. Don't stay in your glass house and throw pebbles, I bet you're the type that turns their nose up when they see single female parents. Abeg abeg abeg... For the last time, bye.

waited for for the schooling, but none I saw.
If you are a single mom, you were not forced into it.
If single girls enjoy getting pregnant, abortion hospitals will lack costumers.
If you actually read the post, you would see where the op wrote that he got married to her because he pregnanted her.
Finally: continue falling in and out of love... Because you want me to join you in encouraging the OP to divorce the lady because you are falling in and out of love.

I can't even marry anyone I don't love

Asadujames202:
Bit(ches) ain't worth the stress of marriage



Blee(p) em ho((e)
Dump em
Jump onto the next one
Repeat the above


Bit(ches) should be lined up as baby mamas




99% of Nigerian girls are Asha((wo)

Infact it's now obvious due to many factor poverty and uncultured manner of these gals coupled with laziness

Inmessage app tinder michat have be taken over by them

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.

etrange:


<deviation>
I also know the talk of "skin-to-skin dey sweet pass", "condom is for boys", "real man go raw and withdraw", etc. Maybe those are what you shouldn't have listened to. If, when looking back, the major mistake you see and regret is getting married to her, then you need to think some more because getting married to her (though avoidable) was a only a consequence of a bigger mistake. The deed has been done, selective regretting can gain you Nairaland sympathy but that won't change a thing in your life. So don't just say you regret getting married to her (that makes it look like she is the protagonist), regret going in raw (a mistake you both made).
</deviation>

Sorry for that deviation, I had to let it out.

Now, I'm not an advocate of sticking to marriage if both parties are not happy, it makes zero sense and it could turn violent easily. Having separated parents is much better for the kids than a violent home. If you guys aren't happy together, I'll advise you go your ways to avoid stories. You have to understand this could result to you not participating actively in your baby's upbringing; a price you pay for your freedom. We just can't have it all.

If she's happy and contented in the marriage, it gets more complicated. Kicking out a woman who is happily married to you with your kid is not an option. True you can't easily cultivate love and you can't find what was never there but if what you don't like is her classlessness and not that she's always nagging, overspending and/or any such vices, then you could still make a friend of her. The so-called passionate love burns out after some years, friendship is what keeps couples going afterwards. If you make her your friend, at least, and she begins to understand you want her well-being, it will be easier to communicate the changes you want to see. Communication is key.

I know my take might not mean much cause it's a very difficult situation but the summary of what I'm saying is, don't be selfish in whatever decision you take, consider the other two parties involved.

Best of luck!

Sorry to ask, what is your birth month?

ollins:
Let me cut the story short. Had a fling with this girl, along the line she got pregnant. You know all that talk of "if you could sleep with her, then you must marry her" "if you got her pregnant then you must marry her", Iooking back now, I wished I hadn't listened to all those voices.

I knew in my heart that I didn't love her, even she knew but the pressure from the family was too much, I had to marry her. On my marriage day I was practically crying within me.

Her character is just opposite of all I wanted in a woman, she's barely educated, loud and loquacious.

That's my cross I am carrying today, stuck in a loveless marriage.

The warmth and Romance is absent from our home, we have not had intimacy since beginning of the year till now, we just have no interest anymore in each other. We are just living together for the sake of our child.

My question now is how does one cope�? Is this how I am going to live the rest of my life?

Kai!!! I feel for you.
Any solution yet?