₦airaland Forum

Don't make the mistake of marrying her

proxillin:
She has been mounting pressure on me to follow her to meet her parents. We have been in this relationship for a year now. Although she is not the only one I am dating. I am not sure of the other lady, but atleast this one is ready to marry me.

I am not sure if I genuinely love her or not, but a part of me love her..A part of me want to treat her bad, whenever I remember what she did to me in the past.

3 years ago, I started noticing and showing interest in her being my junior sister’s friend. I discussed with my sister who encouraged me to approach her that she had no boyfriend. We were on talking terms before which was an opportunity. So I leveraged on that to get closer to her. When she noticed I was getting closer, she started giving me attitudes, stopped talking to me. Finally she stopped coming to our house. She would give my sister thousands of excuses why she was not chanced to come to our house.

We met at a friends birthday party, to my surprized, she warmed up to me, greeted me. I though she must have repented. While the party was on, I asked her to come to my table and spend sometimes with me, she said “ok”. I waited for hours, she didn’t come. I later saw her in the room with the celibrant. I jokingly said to her “You dey whine me abi”. She just went off, started ranting, she said I should say whatever I want to say now infront of everyone..infront of her friends. “Why do you want me to come and sit with you?” say it now “let the whole world hear”. It was so embarrasing for me. I just said to myself “whats there..are they not aldult?..dem never toast all of them before”.

My sister was there, got angry and left us. She had already warned me to leave her alone. That I am interfering with their friendship. On my birthday, she replied to my whatsapp pictures with love and kiss icons. She went to facebook to like all my birthday pix. Facebook was alerting me as she was clicking. She finally sent me happy birthday..where is my cake..we started gisting again. She apologized for what she did that day, that she was not in a good mood that day (someone who met, joked and laugh with me, even agreed to come sit with me on my table).

We continued chattin for weeks, I made sure I didn’t get intimate with her. One day, my sister was playing with my phone, then saw our chats, read through our chats. She was mad at me. She confronted me and nearly slapped her for disrespect. She later calm down and explain to me that if I knew what this girl said about me on group chat, that I would shoot her if I have a gun. She said she didn’t tell me so that I wont feel bad.
She then show me their caucaus group chat discussing me. Tears was just coming out of my eyes. I felt cold. They were just laughing at me. My sister was just fighting for me shutting them off.

This lady said “how come some men behave like he goat. Why can’t he leave me alone?” “am I the only girl on the planet? Oh God I hate that idiot.” “Gosh, I can never be close to such person talkless of dating him” ANOTHER girl said “That’s how those guys are…you need to disgrace him more next time he try something stupid with you. Blahblah.

That’s when I closed her chapter. Blocked her on facebook, whatsapp, instagram. I moved on. My sister did photoshoot for her birthday and some of her friends came. I saw her and just greeted her, minding my business. Then I was dating another girl then, so it’s a win win for all. She stayed behind, when everyone left, she asked my sister to help her beg me. She knelt infront of me started telling me “she was sorry..she was being childish” This was someone that was in her 24 when I was chasing her. I said I forgave due to pressure from my sister. Since then, she will come to my apartment, do my laundary, cook soup inside my freezer. When she is coming from work, she will branch at my place prepare food on my table. At times she offered to sleep overnite, that she cooked till late in the night, which I will refuse.

But one thing led to another, one day, we had sex. And that changed everything. I couldn’t resist her again. But a part of me still hate her whenever I remember those disgraceful moments. Now she is 26, she want us get married. If I marry her, I may treat her bad.

In a dilema seriously and its giving me headache.

Don't judge her with the happenings of the past and she may actually be truly acting childish that time. Something like this happened between me and my gf several years ago and she invited her friends to watch her embarrass me , I remember vividly how I vowed not to ever have anything to do with her again but as faith will have it our path crossed again and I met a very much changed and matured girl.


She's now my legally married wife and the mother of my pretty daughter, above all the most submissive woman I have I seen



It may be wrong at times judging someone by the mistakes of one day. Watch her to be sure if she's truly a changed woman or she's just a pretender for the ring

Una birthday historical connect too much sef.. Mak una meet 4 anoda place abeg.. U beta think twice na wetin u dey find u c, u neva c wetin u want..

The best revenge for you is to marry her and shame those people that think you couldn't get close to her lips.

proxillin:
She has been mounting pressure on me to follow her to meet her parents. We have been in this relationship for a year now. Although she is not the only one I am dating. I am not sure of the other lady, but atleast this one is ready to marry me.

I am not sure if I genuinely love her or not, but a part of me love her..A part of me want to treat her bad, whenever I remember what she did to me in the past.

3 years ago, I started noticing and showing interest in her being my junior sister’s friend. I discussed with my sister who encouraged me to approach her that she had no boyfriend. We were on talking terms before which was an opportunity. So I leveraged on that to get closer to her. When she noticed I was getting closer, she started giving me attitudes, stopped talking to me. Finally she stopped coming to our house. She would give my sister thousands of excuses why she was not chanced to come to our house.

We met at a friends birthday party, to my surprized, she warmed up to me, greeted me. I though she must have repented. While the party was on, I asked her to come to my table and spend sometimes with me, she said “ok”. I waited for hours, she didn’t come. I later saw her in the room with the celibrant. I jokingly said to her “You dey whine me abi”. She just went off, started ranting, she said I should say whatever I want to say now infront of everyone..infront of her friends. “Why do you want me to come and sit with you?” say it now “let the whole world hear”. It was so embarrasing for me. I just said to myself “whats there..are they not aldult?..dem never toast all of them before”.

My sister was there, got angry and left us. She had already warned me to leave her alone. That I am interfering with their friendship. On my birthday, she replied to my whatsapp pictures with love and kiss icons. She went to facebook to like all my birthday pix. Facebook was alerting me as she was clicking. She finally sent me happy birthday..where is my cake..we started gisting again. She apologized for what she did that day, that she was not in a good mood that day (someone who met, joked and laugh with me, even agreed to come sit with me on my table).

We continued chattin for weeks, I made sure I didn’t get intimate with her. One day, my sister was playing with my phone, then saw our chats, read through our chats. She was mad at me. She confronted me and nearly slapped her for disrespect. She later calm down and explain to me that if I knew what this girl said about me on group chat, that I would shoot her if I have a gun. She said she didn’t tell me so that I wont feel bad.
She then show me their caucaus group chat discussing me. Tears was just coming out of my eyes. I felt cold. They were just laughing at me. My sister was just fighting for me shutting them off.

This lady said “how come some men behave like he goat. Why can’t he leave me alone?” “am I the only girl on the planet? Oh God I hate that idiot.” “Gosh, I can never be close to such person talkless of dating him” ANOTHER girl said “That’s how those guys are…you need to disgrace him more next time he try something stupid with you. Blahblah.

That’s when I closed her chapter. Blocked her on facebook, whatsapp, instagram. I moved on. My sister did photoshoot for her birthday and some of her friends came. I saw her and just greeted her, minding my business. Then I was dating another girl then, so it’s a win win for all. She stayed behind, when everyone left, she asked my sister to help her beg me. She knelt infront of me started telling me “she was sorry..she was being childish” This was someone that was in her 24 when I was chasing her. I said I forgave due to pressure from my sister. Since then, she will come to my apartment, do my laundary, cook soup inside my freezer. When she is coming from work, she will branch at my place prepare food on my table. At times she offered to sleep overnite, that she cooked till late in the night, which I will refuse.

But one thing led to another, one day, we had sex. And that changed everything. I couldn’t resist her again. But a part of me still hate her whenever I remember those disgraceful moments. Now she is 26, she want us get married. If I marry her, I may treat her bad.

In a dilema seriously and its giving me headache.

You know what?, she actually hurt your emotions and the trust is no longer there

Just withdrew if you can. For her to make you a public topic among other girls, is more insultive to your sister

Just reject everything attaching you with her and consider her a close case

Go and marry na, as na woman wen u dey date go tell u to come marry.........




Well go and marry ooo wen time reach pls come back here and te us how it ended.

If a part of u dnt love her, Pls free her.


Let me go and sleep till you make that big mistake of either letting her go or marrying her.

Angelinastto:
Only you can take this decision. All the group chat issh is normal stuff among ladies, your sister is also guilty. She was just doing shakara and at a point it got to her head. It's took her awhile to know what she wanted.
Come to think of it, the shame is not only yours. It's a shame she's ending up with a guy she has made fun of and embarrassed in public. Meaning, you're the best available guy after all.
It's a win win situation dear, in between, do not marry for anything but love.
All the best!

Just so you know

"you're the best available guy after all"
Translation: I'm done hoeing around and I've decided to choose you

"It's a win win situation"
Translation: count yourself lucky to be chosen

The group chat issh is common but NOT NORMAL. Even if it were 'normal'. It is unacceptable.

Add more time to date her@ least minimum of 1 year but don't tell her.
Everything go show, then you decide.

Organise a party on her birthday , invite all her friends, rumour to few friends of hers(who may likely gossip to her) on likely marriage engagement plan.
On the D day, After telling everyone the story of love and she embarrased you initially infront of everyone , then kneel down and remove a ringcase with a necklace inside and handover to her. Lets see how the story will go.

proxillin:
She has been mounting pressure on me to follow her to meet her parents. We have been in this relationship for a year now. Although she is not the only one I am dating. I am not sure of the other lady, but atleast this one is ready to marry me.

I am not sure if I genuinely love her or not, but a part of me love her..A part of me want to treat her bad, whenever I remember what she did to me in the past.

3 years ago, I started noticing and showing interest in her being my junior sister’s friend. I discussed with my sister who encouraged me to approach her that she had no boyfriend. We were on talking terms before which was an opportunity. So I leveraged on that to get closer to her. When she noticed I was getting closer, she started giving me attitudes, stopped talking to me. Finally she stopped coming to our house. She would give my sister thousands of excuses why she was not chanced to come to our house.

We met at a friends birthday party, to my surprized, she warmed up to me, greeted me. I though she must have repented. While the party was on, I asked her to come to my table and spend sometimes with me, she said “ok”. I waited for hours, she didn’t come. I later saw her in the room with the celibrant. I jokingly said to her “You dey whine me abi”. She just went off, started ranting, she said I should say whatever I want to say now infront of everyone..infront of her friends. “Why do you want me to come and sit with you?” say it now “let the whole world hear”. It was so embarrasing for me. I just said to myself “whats there..are they not aldult?..dem never toast all of them before”.

My sister was there, got angry and left us. She had already warned me to leave her alone. That I am interfering with their friendship. On my birthday, she replied to my whatsapp pictures with love and kiss icons. She went to facebook to like all my birthday pix. Facebook was alerting me as she was clicking. She finally sent me happy birthday..where is my cake..we started gisting again. She apologized for what she did that day, that she was not in a good mood that day (someone who met, joked and laugh with me, even agreed to come sit with me on my table).

We continued chattin for weeks, I made sure I didn’t get intimate with her. One day, my sister was playing with my phone, then saw our chats, read through our chats. She was mad at me. She confronted me and nearly slapped her for disrespect. She later calm down and explain to me that if I knew what this girl said about me on group chat, that I would shoot her if I have a gun. She said she didn’t tell me so that I wont feel bad.
She then show me their caucaus group chat discussing me. Tears was just coming out of my eyes. I felt cold. They were just laughing at me. My sister was just fighting for me shutting them off.

This lady said “how come some men behave like he goat. Why can’t he leave me alone?” “am I the only girl on the planet? Oh God I hate that idiot.” “Gosh, I can never be close to such person talkless of dating him” ANOTHER girl said “That’s how those guys are…you need to disgrace him more next time he try something stupid with you. Blahblah.

That’s when I closed her chapter. Blocked her on facebook, whatsapp, instagram. I moved on. My sister did photoshoot for her birthday and some of her friends came. I saw her and just greeted her, minding my business. Then I was dating another girl then, so it’s a win win for all. She stayed behind, when everyone left, she asked my sister to help her beg me. She knelt infront of me started telling me “she was sorry..she was being childish” This was someone that was in her 24 when I was chasing her. I said I forgave due to pressure from my sister. Since then, she will come to my apartment, do my laundary, cook soup inside my freezer. When she is coming from work, she will branch at my place prepare food on my table. At times she offered to sleep overnite, that she cooked till late in the night, which I will refuse.

But one thing led to another, one day, we had sex. And that changed everything. I couldn’t resist her again. But a part of me still hate her whenever I remember those disgraceful moments. Now she is 26, she want us get married. If I marry her, I may treat her bad.

In a dilema seriously and its giving me headache.

Inquire of GOD first before taking a next step/decision on this matter.

You hate her unconsciously and that's d truth. she's 26 getting old and need a hubby, that's y she is calm, let her marry u and see if she won't call u monkey.

proxillin:
I am assuming you dated only one girl in your life.

No..we should ask you "how old you are"

I'm guessing you're either too young or too old to read and grasp the message in my write up.

Birds of the same feather, asking a puerile question using quotation marks.

I felt for the lady,however you have to let her go if not she will use pregnant to hold you down,if she notice you don't want to marry her,because now she is on a lonely roads, at 26yrs,time is not on her side.

She suck your preek abi na why you don dey craze atink?

She is ur wife.go and marry her.she is d best girl u can ever meet in ur life.that is d true quality of a lady.but her problem is gossip

Tolu121:
Make her feel bad too

why na.

She even cook soup inside my freezer!!!

Gwam okwu ka m nuru na nti!!!


Guy you love that girl, just go ahead and marry her.

What you need is forgiving spirit. If you don't have it, you will have problems even if you marry another woman.

Please don't marry her.

A woman that has humiliated you before in the presence of her friends, even in the presence of your sister (and not bothered if your sitser will tell you), also didnt gave you the attention when you wanted her, and suddenly changed 360 is not to be trusted. I would be suspiscious of her, and if you love yourself, you should not be with someone that has shown you the sword before.

It is clear she wants to secure your commitment now, and has suddenly assumed domestic duties to impress, to awake a dead horse that she killed herself. As a man, you should be static, you should know what you want and not change becuse a woman smile at you. With the doubt you are having, it is better not to be with her. You even admit that you will treat her bad, so why carry that burden? Leave her, for both of your sake. If she can not do it, you should do it. Be a man, or man up, whichever it is, leave her.

[quote author=proxillin post=91985652][/quote]She said it on chat to feel among,she did nothing wrong, or being childish

VULCAN:
I feel for you because you are even considering marrying a girl whose ONLY reason for wanting to marry you is cos she knows she is running out of time.

Marriage is a very tough institution and to go into it with a person who has shown openly that she doesn't truly love you is a recipe for disaster.

Don't put your sister to shame.

Find another girl. There are plenty out there and not all are bad.

Fact����

Am not going to give my opinion on this matter because a lot of people have shared their views but this is what I have to say. The girl in question behaves like a fairy or young miss(classic bitchy xanxia or wuxia female) she believes she's too beautiful and hot and no man can resist her, she verbally abused the embrassed the OP in public then she suddenly did a 360 and he stupidly accepted her(classic males in xanxia or wuxia )
She might change permanently for good or might also revert to her old ways, at the end of the day the choice is yours to made if you can overlook all her attitude and let her cook for you not to mention have sex with her then you can definitely get married to her.

bro, I want to ask... are you richer than before?

Truer words have never been said. It's not flesh and blood that revealed this truth to you.

baiaon:
When you first met her,she was in the age bracket of 22 to 23years old.She must have had alot of suitors and options.Hence her nasty attitude towards you because you weren't her spec.Fast forward 3 years and the suitors and options have dried up hence her desire to get married as soon as possible to any available option that's why you see her cooking,sweeping and other bullshit that easily impresses Nigerian men
If you eventually marry her,she will change back to her nasty attitude when you first met her.Classic bait and switch

op you would not like to say at the end "and my mind tell me oo"

Angelinastto:
Only you can take this decision. All the group chat issh is normal stuff among ladies, your sister is also guilty. She was just doing shakara and at a point it got to her head. It's took her awhile to know what she wanted.
Come to think of it, the shame is not only yours. It's a shame she's ending up with a guy she has made fun of and embarrassed in public. Meaning, you're the best available guy after all.
It's a win win situation dear, in between, do not marry for anything but love.
All the best!

You talk unreasonably .If you love someone you can never make fun of that person in the presence of your friends. Do you know what it means to love someone ? I have fell in love before and I know how it feels.

Smh.

My dear if I say you are very stupid now you will say I insulted you, so forgiveness is not in your dictionar abi. After she has knelt doen, apologised, washed your clothes and given you sex, you are think of what happened two years ago but come to think of it. Are you a devil?

obataokenwa:
That girl don't have any fault. It's normal shakara of girls. You, still remembering the past sins of three years shows the kind of mind you have. Haven't you offended her before?

Nothing you listed above portray that girl in a bad light. You need to read books about character and how to forgive (Joel Osteen books will help u).

My guy, forget all what she said cos the people she discussed it with has forgotten it and don't care. If you have love for her, see u see ur wife before u regret.

Go quickly and marry her and cut off all other girls cos they're the reason you are having second thought. Good luck

The op is not really concerned about the way she offended . But he is concerned whether she really loves him. Can you make fun or mock a person you really love in front of your friends? Make Una reason this matter self .