₦airaland Forum

Bro I must be sincere with you, any woman you aren't married to is not your wife. You are really trying your best but for you not be a loser because we see things everyday and nothing I new again. I suggest you marry her and continue your life with her and see how you can move your business forward to avoid story that touch.

Bro I can see that u have a good heart but the thing is that u can never satisfy person finish u can only do ur best.
Just try to sit her down and talk her thru I think that's the best.
after all u r not expecting anything in return.

madgoat:
You don't love her and it seems you are not yet mature enough to have a committed relationship. Quite a shame that you are going to lose a woman who would have been very loyal and grateful to you in future and who would probably even have elevated you.

You are a fool and you talk like a kid.. Cases like this 99% ends in tears forget that nonsense you're talking abt

Frenzy01:
You are a fool and you talk like a kid.. Cases like this 99% ends in tears forget that nonsense you're talking abt

See this goat talking as if he has sense

I think it's not a bad thing that you support her because that's mostly likely how you would have to sometimes support whoever you finally get married to until things get better with them (na normal couples life). Also, sometimes that fact that both parents are alive doesn't mean all will be rosy - this was my case back then.

However, my main advice is that you convince her to get married to you now because you're "in love with her". In addition to love, the real reason is so that you secure all your investments and sacrifices you're making towards the improvement of her life else you could lose her in the future as she might change when things become a little more comfortable (as is the case with many women).

Also, in whatever you're doing for her never forget to also use your resources to make yourself a better person so that you don't lose your charm over her: so in a nutshell, remain attractive so that you don't blame her for changing - remember, in a few years time she will be a medical doctor; what will you be by then?

LordNicvuitton:
I want to respectfully keep our intimacy life out of this bro, but just know that I'm her 1st definition of a true love. Most of what you typed, are positive words and i thank you. I've never stopped encouraging her. She has the potential to be a life partner (trust me, I have had experiences to know this) but the financial burden is the negative in all these.

Oga. If she's good enough to wife, do ASAP. otherwise it will end in premium tears o. Except you are doing it for God. The Lord is your strength

RealAdewole:
I don't think she's a burden to you... And I don't think she's milking you not slowing you down in anyway, every relationship is all about give an take. What I just see here is you are the type that aspire for more and you always want to invest every penny you have... Get the phone for her if you can sha... Trying to trace the 20k may not be possible sha...

Adewole from odeomu in osun state?

Wow! I almost feel for the same shit for a Unilag undergraduate.

It was her aunt that told me to pull the plug that she won't make a good wife, after some weeks I saw what everyone saw.

I cut my losses and moved on.

ogbonti:
you are wise my brother

never date and support a student financially - it almost never end well

More than a decade ago, I dated this girl I met on the day I was leaving Nigeria after a short visit - we met at the airport as she was seeing a Rev Sister in her parish off and we got talking and one thing led to another we exchanged numbers - i got to the states and we kept communicating and she was an undergrad at UNILAG then - and after a few months of chatting and phone calls - she started complaining how her parents are not supporting her education because they were poor bla bla bla and initially I was so reluctant in sending her anything - but after a while - I said to myself - if this girl calls me all the time and we laugh and joke and open up all the time about life's dreams, and matters- why not just give her even if its 20k to survive a bit - that's not up to what I spend in going out on a Friday night to hang out with friends- so I sent her 20k like 3 times within a year and I was not expecting anything from her - I just felt like helping afterall the money i sent cant buy me anything tangible - its beer money here - afterall she is a "good girl"

cut a long story short - i had to get some documents from a business partner who was having housing issue and going thru a divorce, who resides in Ibadan and I sent this girl 10k to go to Ibadan from LAGOS to get the documents and keep it safely for me as I was planning on coming to Nigeria in a few weeks time (although I didnt open up to her I was coming to Nigeria - I wanted to surprise her) - she took the money and she didn't go and she started avoiding me.

I was stunned - and furious because it was important that she does, after promising me she will- do you know when we got into a little heated argument - I just told her - "girl, I am disappointed u didnt go get those documents- afterall each time you call to tell me ur problems- at east I show concern - only once and the first time I asked you to do something for me, you didnt.... she thundered in response, "what and who do u think u are ? because you live abroad, you think you can just order me around? - or is it the little change you gave me? Did I send you to help me? hmmm thank God she never begged me for money oooo bla bla bla - I froze!!!!

This girl didnt even realize that I was planning to empower her with $5,000 to open a provision store so she can study in there and sell - then still go to school - I was trying to surprise her with the package because I was already developing feelings for her. After she insulted the living day lights out of me - I simply knelt down and thanked my God I didn't give her that money and I celebrated like for a week - because she pretended for 15 months as being so sweet and caring and a PRETTY wife material that I almost made a blunder - N60K in a year of benevolence and N10k for an errand she didn't honor are nothing compared to $5,000 I would have given to this ungrateful girl

so - if you do not desist and leave this girl alone - when she graduates and starts working - you will hear things like

1. did i send you to help me?

2. what did you do for me that someone cant do?

3. is it not your mate that take their gal to shop in MARS and the MOON?

4. ordinary food, phone and tfare you gave me, you are shouting - are you this broke ?

5. what's your own - did i not give you kponmo?

6. when your mates were serious with life- you were chasing after women - (as if she is not the woman that ate you dry)

7. I beg make we hear word, when people are talking about opening a business - you sef will be talking

8. which kain yeye business u open - is laundry business a business ?

9. I am not the one who wrecked you oooo - please go and look for those who ate your money

10. what did you spend for me - calculate it and I will pay you back - nonsense (that is if you are lucky she has any integrity)

OP - stop dulling yourself and leave this gal alone - you are are not Jesus Christ and let her go and meet her father for help. Chikena!!!!!

Also @OP someone on this great platform once said "learn to know when a lady needs help and when she needs love"

It's obvious that this lady needs help and not love. When she is ready to look for love I hope she still finds you worthy.

There are many lady's in town that just needs financial help, don't mistake it for an avenue to fall in love with them, it's a facade.

Do your little and leave. You are not Christ and so can't save everyone.

LordNicvuitton:
Hi Romancelanders, don't know if it's right to share this topic here, but I'll do for now.

I'm Victory, from the East and currently a resident of Edo state. I came to this state, as an intern and thereafter, still served here and in the course of all these, I thought out and established a laundry business, which is just about 8 months old. This was to keep life going and to better bond well with the lady in my life currently.

While in Edo state, having rounded my internship & kickstarting service sometime around 2017, I met this Kiki Osemudiamen (Name changed), and it was nothing serious at 1st, cos I never really thought I'd date someone here, fact is that I never thought I'd stay beyond my service year. I met her while she was in 200l. We encouraged each other, she saw potentials and had faith in me just like I have so much faith in her. She is simplistic, encourages me to save and I in turn, encouraged her and guided her through some of her studies. She passed her 2nd MB.BS. and is currently awaiting lifting of the lockdown on schools, so she can start her clinicals.

Problem is that she came from a not buoyant family financially, and although both parents are alive, she struggles to survive/feed daily. Her dad supplies about 1000litres/trip water to households, while her mum sells at the local market. I on the other hand, came from a middle class family but my Dad is late since 2012, and I've been a sponsor of my education and that of my younger ones through the lil I inherited (which mum manages for now) plus my various endeavours. She depends on me for daily meals and other basic essentials, in fact I had to place her on salary in my laundry shop during this lockdown, so she plays the role of secretary in my shop too.

The latest challenge came about, yesterday. While she slept in the shop, I was out on errand, someone sneaked into the shop and stole her android phone with all of her e-medics textbooks (she reads mostly e-copies because she can't afford hardcopies), she has been crying all through and I really don't know what to do. Since I knew her, She'd been an appendage and an extra financial burden to me, I can't begin to list what I've done for her, although I kept reminding her never to not have entitlement mentality and she does appreciate. Out of desperation to ease her pain, I promised to sponsor her in getting a new phone. I have burdens, huge ones, I'm yet to acquire a diesel engine for my laundry (I use ponytail industrial iron which has higher voltage/current than normal ones), plus other related merchandise that I need to set up and I feel like she slows down my financial pace.

Honestly, I don't do all these for her, hoping for any personal gains, in the words of my daddy in the Lord, Prophet T.B. Joshua, He said and I quote: "We make a living by what we get and we make a life by what we give" but I am almost fed up and tired, especially when I remember that both her parents are still alive.. I am scared that that for the 1st time, I may fail her in that financial obligation because I honestly need money now, with the whole pandemic issue plus, I feel like she slows me down in life financially and a huge burden to me. Right now, she's so attached to me, more so that when I initially wanted to hault our relationship, it almost nearly affected her academics negatively. Please I need matured minds to help me think this through and garnish me with advice(s) because I almost feel so choked up and a rising urge to relocate from here, so i can breathe again.

NB: Advice from married couples and those in serious relationships, will be highly appreciated.

Modified: She went to her bank (First bank) this morning, only to be informed that about 20k (Her mum's business money) has been used to purchase recharge voucher. Her mum sends/receives money from distant customers through her account. Yesterday's scenario, all over again. Please folks, lock your SIM cards just as much as you lock your phones. Learn from this painful experience please.

be wise

LordNicvuitton


Your story is on Correct bro blog and facebook post.

oyetpel:
LordNicvuitton



Your story is on Correct bro blog and facebook post.

Hmmm.. can you share the link?

You keep on mentioning that the both parents are alive. Do you want them to be late. The best advice here is to see you fulfill the promise of getting her a new phone and see you get her a job elsewhere if you cannot continue to foot her bills. However, if her presence in your business is bringing good fortunes, I suggest you allow her to continue. I know you're trying hard to find your feet, but don't see her demands as burdens if you truly love her. Love is a choice and sacrifice. When I lost my job, my ex abandoned me while I struggled to establish a business. While on this course, I found a companion who didn't just bring her idea but helped me to explore my potential. Any lady who's willing to support your dream, idea and ambition should not be taken for granted. She didn't choose to come from a poor home.

Godsonkemz:
You keep on mentioning that the both parents are alive. Do you want them to be late. The best advice here is to see you fulfill the promise of getting her a new phone and see you get her a job elsewhere if you cannot continue to foot her bills. However, if her presence in your business is bringing good fortunes, I suggest you allow her to continue. I know you're trying hard to find your feet, but don't see her demands as burdens if you truly love her. Love is a choice and sacrifice. When I lost my job, my ex abandoned me while I struggled to establish a business. While on this course, I found a companion who didn't just bring her idea but helped me to explore my potential. Any lady who's willing to support your dream, idea and ambition should not be taken for granted. She didn't choose to come from a poor home.

Pls bro, never in my write-up did i insinuate that I take her for granted, I have utmost respect for her. I also wasn't blaming her for coming from a humble background, I only stated that I don't think her parents are doing enough. Pls I want this to be the last, I explain or clarify wrong insinuations over this topic.

Bros finish what you have started, she is working for you and you intend to marry her, get her the phone and keep the management till she graduates, if she runs away no problem God will bless you for helping the poor, if she stays, then you have added advantage have what she will be earning to support you

LordNicvuitton:
Hmmm.. can you share the link?

https://www.correctng.com/i-put-her-on-monthly-salary-nigerian-man-laments-over-his-girlfriends-demands-says-shes-a-financial-burden/



It's on his facebook page too, with several opinions about your post.

Search Correct bro on facebook.

Sixfeetbelle:
Read this thread from page 1 to 4. You'll see where he said the bold.

Besides, this is what will save him if this relationship goes sideways. Women are fickle and expecting to marry them just because you sent them through school has had more negative results than positives. If he removes his mind from marriage, he is safe either way.

He needs to remove more than marriage from his mind, I think he should remove his mind and body from the relationship. Why should someone who's still struggling be investing his time, effort and money hugely into something that can't be said to be real?

LordNicvuitton:
Pls bro, never in my write-up did i insinuate that I take her for granted, I have utmost respect for her. I also wasn't blaming her for coming from a humble background, I only stated that I don't think her parents are doing enough. Pls I want this to be the last, I explain or clarify wrong insinuations over this topic.

Bros, since you are still on this thread, can you share your opinion on the quotes below, pls?

Sixfeetbelle:
Apart from her being leech, what other adjective do you have for her? This insult you threw out, is it because you saw "f" in my moniker? Remove your tainted glasses about ladies and read the post again.

You people are so quick to judge and that's why ladies will keep taking advantage of you and leaving you with bitter experiences. Op said he's doing this for her because he wants to. He's not expecting a reward for it. That's selflessness which you know nothing about cause you have never been selfless. Human beings never forget acts of charity done for them and these case will be an example of such.

Sixfeetbelle:
Read this thread from page 1 to 4. You'll see where he said the bold.
Besides, this is what will save him if this relationship goes sideways. Women are fickle and expecting to marry them just because you sent them through school has had more negative results than positives. If he removes his mind from marriage, he is safe either way.

authority2006:
He needs to remove more than marriage from his mind, I think he should remove his mind and body from the relationship. Why should someone who's still struggling be investing his time, effort and money hugely into something that can't be said to be real?

I don't know why he's doing it but he mentioned having a belief that made him do it, and from the way he's doing it (without expecting marriage as a reward), it will fetch him good reward later on.

Sixfeetbelle:
Apart from her being leech, what other adjective do you have for her? This insult you threw out, is it because you saw "f" in my moniker? Remove your tainted glasses about ladies and read the post again.

You people are so quick to judge and that's why ladies will keep taking advantage of you and leaving you with bitter experiences. Op said he's doing this for her because he wants to. He's not expecting a reward for it. That's selflessness which you know nothing about cause you have never been selfless. Human beings never forget acts of charity done for them and these case will be an example of such.

I didn't know that you directly attacked me in your earlier post. How many men have you dated and helped with their tuition fees and expected nothing in return? Easier said than done.

authority2006:
I didn't know that you stylishly attacked me in your earlier post. How many men have you dated and helped with their tuition fees and expected nothing in reward? Easier said than done.

I attacked you? How? Pointing out an error in your comment is an attack? Really, you're this daft? Is that why you went to search for more of my comments on other posts? Are you this jobless?

To your question, I haven't helped anyone with their tuition fees, never had such amount of money on me at any point in time, but I have lent money to someone before and it's been more than 3 years now. They never paid it back btw.

Sixfeetbelle:
I don't know why he's doing it but he mentioned having a belief that made him do it, and from the way he's doing it (without expecting marriage as a reward), it will fetch him good reward later on.

That's good when you think like a religious type. It depends on the op why he's doing it. But remember, this is different from helping someone at random. This is more like "investment".

authority2006:
That's good when you think like a religious type. It depends on the op why he's doing it. But remember, this is different from helping someone at random. This is more like "investment".

Whatever.

Sixfeetbelle:
I attacked you? How? Pointing out an error in your comment is an attack? Really, you're this daft?

You didn't know anything about me, yet you went on to say this

That's selflessness which you know nothing about cause you have never been selfless

Now, I'm "daft"! You're lack good mannerism. You're rude and lack proper upbringing. I thought you were responsible.

To your question, I haven't helped anyone with their tuition fees, never had such amount of money on me at any point in time, but I have lent money to someone before and it's been more than 3 years now. They never paid it back btw.

How is that similar to Op

authority2006:
You didn't know anything about me, yet you went on to say this
Now, I'm "daft"! You're lack mannerism. You're rude and lack proper upbringing. I thought you were responsible.



How is that similar to Op

Okay.

LordNicvuitton:
Hi Romancelanders, don't know if it's right to share this topic here, but I'll do for now.

I'm Victory, from the East and currently a resident of Edo state. I came to this state, as an intern and thereafter, still served here and in the course of all these, I thought out and established a laundry business, which is just about 8 months old. This was to keep life going and to better bond well with the lady in my life currently.

While in Edo state, having rounded my internship & kickstarting service sometime around 2017, I met this Kiki Osemudiamen (Name changed), and it was nothing serious at 1st, cos I never really thought I'd date someone here, fact is that I never thought I'd stay beyond my service year. I met her while she was in 200l. We encouraged each other, she saw potentials and had faith in me just like I have so much faith in her. She is simplistic, encourages me to save and I in turn, encouraged her and guided her through some of her studies. She passed her 2nd MB.BS. and is currently awaiting lifting of the lockdown on schools, so she can start her clinicals.

Problem is that she came from a not buoyant family financially, and although both parents are alive, she struggles to survive/feed daily. Her dad supplies about 1000litres/trip water to households, while her mum sells at the local market. I on the other hand, came from a middle class family but my Dad is late since 2012, and I've been a sponsor of my education and that of my younger ones through the lil I inherited (which mum manages for now) plus my various endeavours. She depends on me for daily meals and other basic essentials, in fact I had to place her on salary in my laundry shop during this lockdown, so she plays the role of secretary in my shop too.

The latest challenge came about, yesterday. While she slept in the shop, I was out on errand, someone sneaked into the shop and stole her android phone with all of her e-medics textbooks (she reads mostly e-copies because she can't afford hardcopies), she has been crying all through and I really don't know what to do. Since I knew her, She'd been an appendage and an extra financial burden to me, I can't begin to list what I've done for her, although I kept reminding her never to not have entitlement mentality and she does appreciate. Out of desperation to ease her pain, I promised to sponsor her in getting a new phone. I have burdens, huge ones, I'm yet to acquire a diesel engine for my laundry (I use ponytail industrial iron which has higher voltage/current than normal ones), plus other related merchandise that I need to set up and I feel like she slows down my financial pace.

Honestly, I don't do all these for her, hoping for any personal gains, in the words of my daddy in the Lord, Prophet T.B. Joshua, He said and I quote: "We make a living by what we get and we make a life by what we give" but I am almost fed up and tired, especially when I remember that both her parents are still alive.. I am scared that that for the 1st time, I may fail her in that financial obligation because I honestly need money now, with the whole pandemic issue plus, I feel like she slows me down in life financially and a huge burden to me. Right now, she's so attached to me, more so that when I initially wanted to hault our relationship, it almost nearly affected her academics negatively. Please I need matured minds to help me think this through and garnish me with advice(s) because I almost feel so choked up and a rising urge to relocate from here, so i can breathe again.

NB: Advice from married couples and those in serious relationships, will be highly appreciated.

Modified: She went to her bank (First bank) this morning, only to be informed that about 20k (Her mum's business money) has been used to purchase recharge voucher. Her mum sends/receives money from distant customers through her account. Yesterday's scenario, all over again. Please folks, lock your SIM cards just as much as you lock your phones. Learn from this painful experience please.

if you talk to her in the manner you have written here, it may not be easy for her but I promise you both are going to agree on a solution. Life is simple;stop assuming responsibilities by yourself. Communicate so you both can agree on a solution

ogbonti:
you are wise my brother

never date and support a student financially - it almost never end well

More than a decade ago, I dated this girl I met on the day I was leaving Nigeria after a short visit - we met at the airport as she was seeing a Rev Sister in her parish off and we got talking and one thing led to another we exchanged numbers - i got to the states and we kept communicating and she was an undergrad at UNILAG then - and after a few months of chatting and phone calls - she started complaining how her parents are not supporting her education because they were poor bla bla bla and initially I was so reluctant in sending her anything - but after a while - I said to myself - if this girl calls me all the time and we laugh and joke and open up all the time about life's dreams, and matters- why not just give her even if its 20k to survive a bit - that's not up to what I spend in going out on a Friday night to hang out with friends- so I sent her 20k like 3 times within a year and I was not expecting anything from her - I just felt like helping afterall the money i sent cant buy me anything tangible - its beer money here - afterall she is a "good girl"

cut a long story short - i had to get some documents from a business partner who was having housing issue and going thru a divorce, who resides in Ibadan and I sent this girl 10k to go to Ibadan from LAGOS to get the documents and keep it safely for me as I was planning on coming to Nigeria in a few weeks time (although I didnt open up to her I was coming to Nigeria - I wanted to surprise her) - she took the money and she didn't go and she started avoiding me.

I was stunned - and furious because it was important that she does, after promising me she will- do you know when we got into a little heated argument - I just told her - "girl, I am disappointed u didnt go get those documents- afterall each time you call to tell me ur problems- at east I show concern - only once and the first time I asked you to do something for me, you didnt.... she thundered in response, "what and who do u think u are ? because you live abroad, you think you can just order me around? - or is it the little change you gave me? Did I send you to help me? hmmm thank God she never begged me for money oooo bla bla bla - I froze!!!!

This girl didnt even realize that I was planning to empower her with $5,000 to open a provision store so she can study in there and sell - then still go to school - I was trying to surprise her with the package because I was already developing feelings for her. After she insulted the living day lights out of me - I simply knelt down and thanked my God I didn't give her that money and I celebrated like for a week - because she pretended for 15 months as being so sweet and caring and a PRETTY wife material that I almost made a blunder - N60K in a year of benevolence and N10k for an errand she didn't honor are nothing compared to $5,000 I would have given to this ungrateful girl

so - if you do not desist and leave this girl alone - when she graduates and starts working - you will hear things like

1. did i send you to help me?

2. what did you do for me that someone cant do?

3. is it not your mate that take their gal to shop in MARS and the MOON?

4. ordinary food, phone and tfare you gave me, you are shouting - are you this broke ?

5. what's your own - did i not give you kponmo?

6. when your mates were serious with life- you were chasing after women - (as if she is not the woman that ate you dry)

7. I beg make we hear word, when people are talking about opening a business - you sef will be talking

8. which kain yeye business u open - is laundry business a business ?

9. I am not the one who wrecked you oooo - please go and look for those who ate your money

10. what did you spend for me - calculate it and I will pay you back - nonsense (that is if you are lucky she has any integrity)

OP - stop dulling yourself and leave this gal alone - you are are not Jesus Christ and let her go and meet her father for help. Chikena!!!!!

hmmm bros say no more abeg coz no matter how much u say the pussy niggas on nairaland won't still get sense. Is that not how my ibo friend sent a girl from afar to unizik, he that i am sure don't even have kg1 cert training a girl through science lmao which science girl will end up with an art guy let alone an illiterate self. There's a guy here on nairaland "ubunja" that guy is so hated by nairaland girls coz he's spilled the truth in all his articles infact guys following ubjnja can't fall victim to any girls trick. According to him if u are following a girl doing heaven and eart for her but u haven't tolf her ur feelings my guy the day the finally do instead of her to appreciate ur years of help she will be disappointed that a guy she saw as a mugu is now falling for her. How can she ever love a MUGU lmao. That's how i met one fool of a girl and she wants me to sponsor her Hnd and wait for her to graduate hahahaha even her mom was in thr scam with her, see if I immediately unblock her on WhatsApp she's cursing me everyday. I know that feeling when yahooboy chat a maga for long only to discover the maga was the one playi him hahahaha

psalmuelwater:
Adewole from odeomu in osun state?

From osun state but not odeomu

let tell you the reality of life ...Ladies are all the same nah just few different shaa ...As you dey take care of her before once you can't be able to avoid that phone she needed and the e- medical book trust me ..she have already forgetting all you have done for all in the past ... NEVER SPEND TOO MUCH ON GIRL YOU NEVER MARRIED YOU WOULD NOT HEAR BECAUSE IS GONNA END WITH PREMIUM TEARS .... IF YOU DONT GIVE THAT GIRL PREGNANT ... I PROMISE YOU SOON SHES GONNA FOLLOW ANOTHER MAN THAT'S WOMAN FOR YOU MOST OF THEM ARE INCOMPETENT WITH WHAT THEY HAVE ..ANYTIME SHE MEET SOMEONE WEY GET MONEY PASS YOU AND SHE DEY GIVE HER MONEY AND CUM BUTTER HER WITH SWEET MOUTHS SHE GO.LEAVE YOU