Wingarnium:
How do I get my parents to change? I just finished my nysc and things have not been easy for me. My parents are very very controlling and honestly I don't even know who I am anymore. I am always trying to be who they want me to be but deep down it's not who I am.

My parents force me to wear big clothes. I can't even wear trousers in my fathers house. It must be skirt and not any skirt, it must be long to reach my ankle. When I was an undergraduate, I use to wear anything I liked in school and I was free but getting home, I feel like I'm living in bondage.

They never let us go anywhere right from when we were kids. I remember we used to beg my mom to play in the compound but she would refuse, mind u it is a gated compound. This affected me cos when I got to boarding school, I was severely bullied because I just was too jjc.

Now what brought me here is that I want to start living with a friend because where she stays is central and lot of jobs around there but my parents have blatantly refused me living with her. How do I convince them to let me? And also how do I convince them to let me dress the way I want mind u I'm very decent but I just like trousers because it fits me a lot. I'm not moving there because of unnecessary freedom but because it is very central. Staying in this house has been depressing since I finished service. I am 23 yrs old

blackpanthar:


First, BE GRATEFUL YOU STILL HAVE PARENTS.
next... FORGET ALL THE PEOPLE WHO COMMENTED ABOVE ME... they sound like orphans.

It takes wisdom for you to understand the older generation.

You should never EVER go to your parents with what you want to do.... THEY WILL NEVER ACCEPT BECAUSE TO THEM WHAT WE CALL FREEDOM IS REBELLION OR SIN OR WORLDLY.

HERE IS WHAT TO DO:

1) get a job(even if you have to "create" it)... yes, to your parents you are still a child until you get a job... if you can, get a job in another state... so they would have no choice than to let you go.

2) start a business... yes, you need to consider having your own cash so that they can respect you because you can now take care of yourself. MONEY IS A VOICE... a LOUD ONE.

3) OBEY EVERYTHING THEY TELL YOU..... as long as you have a solid plan to leave the house in 3-6 months... BECOME THE EXACT IMAGE OF ALL THEIR VALUES.... it will help you in future because you will leave the house with a BLESSING.

4) Remember, you will be a parent one day and what your children will call FREEDOM will be lower than your own current standards... so be careful how you treat your parents cos KARMA is not friendly.

5) Let your friend come and visit you and while she is in your house, let her ask your parents BIBLE QUESTIONS OR PARENTAL GUIDANCE QUESTIONS. It will change your parents' perception about her... SEE, you are under their roof... you just have to be loyal and stop thinking your way is the right way always... cut them some slack. By the time your friend visits twice or thrice... they will allow you go to her place next time.


Things should be done with simple tact and wisdom. Your parents love you but are from a previous OLDSCHOOL generation... soon you will marry and be OLD SCHOOL and the next generation may appear queer to you... you need to understand that, so you don't repeat the stiffness of your parents.

Chrisbella24:
Run away

Wingarnium:
hehehehe

Wingarnium:
hehehehe

Wingarnium:
How do I get my parents to change? I just finished my nysc and things have not been easy for me. My parents are very very controlling and honestly I don't even know who I am anymore. I am always trying to be who they want me to be but deep down it's not who I am.

My parents force me to wear big clothes. I can't even wear trousers in my fathers house. It must be skirt and not any skirt, it must be long to reach my ankle. When I was an undergraduate, I use to wear anything I liked in school and I was free but getting home, I feel like I'm living in bondage.

They never let us go anywhere right from when we were kids. I remember we used to beg my mom to play in the compound but she would refuse, mind u it is a gated compound. This affected me cos when I got to boarding school, I was severely bullied because I just was too jjc.

Now what brought me here is that I want to start living with a friend because where she stays is central and lot of jobs around there but my parents have blatantly refused me living with her. How do I convince them to let me? And also how do I convince them to let me dress the way I want mind u I'm very decent but I just like trousers because it fits me a lot. I'm not moving there because of unnecessary freedom but because it is very central. Staying in this house has been depressing since I finished service. I am 23 yrs old

Acidosis:



Do you have a boyfriend?

Juliusmomoh:

Many are mad, but few are roaming.

Acidosis:

You're obviously among the many mad and the roaming few.

Juliusmomoh:

I blame ur mother

Acidosis:


Hehe I get the message now. You're one of those serial scammers I exposed recently huh?

Better stop crying cos I will frustrate you out of the digital space.

Klass99:


Lol you took the thoughts out of my head and articulated it well in your post.

I don't understand the possessive nature of some parents. They forget that they only birthed kids and didn't give them life (Only God gives life) and kids are human beings with a mind of their own and a will of their own too, no matter how young a child is, I see that mind/will of theirs playing out in different ways.

Even our Creator gave us the free will to choose between him and the devil, he didn't force or impose his preference on us. He could have made it such that all people naturally and automatically choose him but he didn't. Yet, you find human beings trying to exert full control or impose their own will on others. The thing dey weak me

If I were a parent my goal will be to guide and help my offspring become decent, kind, self sufficient and well adjusted adults who will not become a burden or source of misery to me in my old age, by virtue of their wahala or poor life choices.

LadySarah:
I know a girl in your shoes. Omo,the girl refused to come back after nysc . Remained in AKS squatting someone and started learning a skill then luckily got a bank job some months later.

You should have learnt something during ur service year and perch yourself there. So long as you know you aren't doing anything untoward.



Those type of parents don't encourage dating but expect you to bring a fiance home soon.

How can you lock a 23 yr old indoors everyday.

Your best bet is getting a job that will take you out and improve your social skills

yettymuse:
Listen to me.. your parent cannot stop being AFRICAN. And so far, Majority of us have come to realize that African parents in their way of instilling discipline and morals, have stopped their children from growing.
Not their faults, they just didn’t know when to STOP!

At 23, after NYSC? You no be small pikin again But to an African parents, you still dey wear pampers lol.. infact if you’re not careful, your mom would serve you some breast milk for breakfast.
..Me and my mama fight tire! Being her only daughter, she was literally strapping me to her back... lol

The ball is in your court...
To be a Rebel and be in their bad book or to dance to their tune and be the good girl.

The only way to release the grip of an African parents is to stop eating from their pot. As long as you still dey chop mommy thank you, you’re still a child in an African Home.

You need to Start practicing an adult lifestyle right in their home.
Take up some bills as though you’re living by yourself.
Don’t eat whatever they cook.
Put some money down for groceries and don’t use it.

You won’t need to talk too much when you want to leave.
..

All the best!

SmileDance:
OK op, I will give 2 possible solutions
1. Find a way to leave the house in the morning and come back by evening either by learning a trade or even a volunteer work
2. Pretend as if you got a job in another city and goan start looking for a job there

SmileDance:
OK op, I will give 2 possible solutions
1. Find a way to leave the house in the morning and come back by evening either by learning a trade or even a volunteer work
2. Pretend as if you got a job in another city and goan start looking for a job there

WhisperedNoise:
Hey OP,
I understand what you're going through. I've had many people, guys and ladies, come to me with complaints about their parents.
While we understand that they do what they do out of love, it might sometimes be a tad overwhelming. You're 23, done with NYSC. You're an adult in all spheres and for all purposes. You can be held for any decision you take from this point onwards.
I believe that the parents of a child should relax their hand of discipline a bit when a child gets started in college.
Why? Because they had 15, 16 years to train the child. The parents should believe they've done a good job and let the child spread his/her wings.

Now, to your vent:
- As much as possible, avoid anything that will cause trouble with you and your folks. They are still your parents, and as long as you live under their roof, you should dance to their tunes (no matter how unpleasant it might seem). Honor them, now and forever.

- Your parents are still viewing you through the "my baby" lens. It's up to you to change their perspective. Responsibility is the key to adulthood. Start small. Little by little. Pick a bill here; pay for petty things there; so it goes. They'll gradually admit that you're an adult, and that you won't stay with them forever.

- Sometimes, it might be necessary to tell your parents NO. Let them know, gently and with respect, that you're an adult capable of making decisions (either good or bad). Note that you must have done the former point to an extent before you can play this card.

- It might help if you aren't at home 24/7. If you go to work everyday and they see you for a few hours daily, they'll start respecting your time and decisions. Gradually, they'll start treating you like an adult.

- Don't part with bitrerness. It's not worth it. Love binds a family together. Refer to Point 1.

If you need to vent, kindly reach out to me or any mature Nairalander. We don't know you personally, fret not.

PS: Are you the only child??

I wish you well, sis.
Godspeed!

yettymuse:
Listen to me.. your parent cannot stop being AFRICAN. And so far, Majority of us have come to realize that African parents in their way of instilling discipline and morals, have stopped their children from growing.
Not their faults, they just didn’t know when to STOP!

At 23, after NYSC? You no be small pikin again But to an African parents, you still dey wear pampers lol.. infact if you’re not careful, your mom would serve you some breast milk for breakfast.
..Me and my mama fight tire! Being her only daughter, she was literally strapping me to her back... lol

The ball is in your court...
To be a Rebel and be in their bad book or to dance to their tune and be the good girl.

The only way to release the grip of an African parents is to stop eating from their pot. As long as you still dey chop mommy thank you, you’re still a child in an African Home.

You need to Start practicing an adult lifestyle right in their home.
Take up some bills as though you’re living by yourself.
Don’t eat whatever they cook.
Put some money down for groceries and don’t use it.

You won’t need to talk too much when you want to leave.
..

All the best!

Wingarnium:
thank u I will do that!

Wingarnium:
thank you for your extensive advice, I agree with u. I don't have a job but I earn a reasonable amount with my small business. I run it from home. I have poor social skills and it gets worse and worse as I stay under their roof. It makes me unhappy and I feel my life is wasting away. How will I even find a good husband? I don't want to jump directly from here to marriage because I know I'm an emotional wreck. Thank u again. If they dont allow me, I have no choice then

mariahAngel:


You're advising her to rebel against her parents? Even to the point of rejecting their food? Haba!

Would that be fair to her parents? Not that I support their strictness
Why did she not reject the education they gave her?
Before we make any decisions in life, we should always remember we would that position someday
How would you feel as a mother if your own child rejected your food?
A child you saw through school all of a sudden feels she's to grown to listen to you, let alone eat your food, how would it make you feel?