ogbuefi677:

My sister.
I don't wanna go this back and forth with any Nigerian female on this type of topic.
Good thing is most Nigerian males already woke up and are a step ahead of your type of empty handed,scheming females.

You done?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ac8O5e8Glc4

This is more than what u think. Sometimes the boy might be the only one catering for the family. his mum might be sick. He might not be financially buoyant. It might be his dream to own a house just like the parent.
The family house he lives might even be very convenient. Maybe he as his own apartment.
The woman should be Wise In her choice. It shows she can't do everything for the guy. She's avoiding future quarrel which might never even happen.
Since she can't stay. Maybe they should use their wedding money to build the house half way first. Then move inside. Later they can do the wedding.
But I think if paying the house rent his her husband problem. She should pay it for peace to rain

dominique:
I love my mother in-law but would I want to live with her permanently? Heck no!
As much as I love my sons, would I want them to live with me when they're married? Heck no!

That she doesn't want to live with her fiance's mother does not mean she does not love or respect the mum. She just craves her space and privacy like every newlywed should. She should not be shamed or insulted for this. It's the man that's too attached to his mother's apron strings that needs a resounding knock on his head.

I don't even know how some guys think from the comments I have been seeing. But I suspect those ones are kids.

He really needs a knock to reset his brain. I have seen marriages like that where the man can't leave his mum and it never ends well.

Mgtowmonk:
can't your sister rent an apartment with her own money?
The guy is doing her a favor by marrying her yet she still dictating how he should live his life

Hmmmm..
So marrying a girl means favour to her?

ogbuefi677:

There is no man,even boys that doesn't dream of having his own nice crib,modern,furnished to his taste etc.Men even abandone their older houses to build and move into newer ones.Its an ego thing for every man.
The girl has outrightly rejected to stay with her mother in law EVEN FOR ONE DAY,which is a no no for me.
I will never marry such a girl and if your prospective SIL displays such attitude to your mum,you will make d greatest noise.

They lady is a typical "City open eye gal".
Such gals Don't tolerate, the are highly manipulative, if their husband goes bankrupt de husband is finished in life, is either he dies an early death (as a result of hbp) or he will be used as rag by de wife.
They truth is dat This our tym men prefer outside beauty than innner beauty unlike our fathers n dis is as a result of social Media. Dats y marriages don't last any more.
Those days Women work on their character more than their face n body buh dis days women work on their body without even thinking of wat people will say about dere character

Chii59:

I'm sure the first woman in your life, you mom must have been a class act of highly stupid and extremely foo.lish for you to come to such a conclusion. It runs in your family.

Not just that sis. All the women in his life are cursed just as he said.

georgeiyke009:
And how many of you guys in support will allow their daughters to live in this kind of arrangement from the word go? You must very destitute to allow for such to happen.

I pride myself as an alpha male you must be a very stupid male to expect someone else's daughter to just put with your family. You might want to try living with your wive's family though its even better since women run the home.

I saw a fool type that the woman cooks for everyone including their siblings to eat and I am like WTF?? I have a wife who is in management position in the office and i rarely bother with food as my own schedule is crazy.

I must be rich enough to have a big house with a BQ and househelps and cooks to attempt to have my extended family live with me. Those your sisters and mother would not have tolerated such arrangements in their own homes and you want to scatter yours from the word go?

Marriage is a death sentence with the class of males and the comments I read here. Poor broke idiots forming doing women a favor by marrying them. As long as you need a woman to build with you, you are not fucking doing them any favor. its the other way round. Only rich powerful men can afford say they are doing women a favor and that also depends on the "class" of woman. The rest of u make una park well abeg.

The most sensible comment on this topic ever.

Infact I love you for this.
God bless you

bbode1:
This is more than what u think. Sometimes the boy might be the only one catering for the family. his mum might be sick. He might not be financially buoyant. It might be his dream to own a house just like the parent.
The family house he lives might even be very convenient. Maybe he as his own apartment.
The woman should be Wise In her choice. It shows she can't do everything for the guy. She's avoiding future quarrel which might never even happen.
Since she can't stay. Maybe they should use their wedding money to build the house half way first. Then move inside. Later they can do the wedding.
But I think if paying the house rent his her husband problem. She should pay it for peace to rain

My uncle was catering to my grandparents for many years. When it was time to marry, he got his own place. They have someone who stays with them and looks after them. And he goes to visit them often since he lives in the same city with them.
There's no excuse at all.

ojaysam25:

How old are you?

Sounds 16.

ogbuefi677:

Just check most families,the wife's family members can come to live with the family,there will be no problem but if the husband's family members come,the wife will complain forever.

Not all de tym. Dats y u are man , wat will have dis days are simps n wimps not men. Is as simple as dis wen u wife disallows ur people disallow hers too. U will act lyk a typical Anambra man without hiding any feelings

See, don't talk like this, this thing is mutual therefore it has to be in the duo's alignment. Yes you can propose it but if she disagree then rearrange. She can't be staying in a house that's not hers. If he wishes to build a house, he should start from being a tenant first. Besides that, has he gotten the land before making his wife a glorified slave? It should be on hold till when there's resolution. Thanks.

J111333:
Yea, your sister is doing the right thing. The man should at least kill his mum or chase her away before planning to get married so as not to discomfort his wife.

Biko advise your sister to keep waiting on the Lord for a good man.

God bless you!!!

Squillaci:

Not even his father's house.
Abeg make dem postpone the wedding.

GboyegaD:
If she thinks that is needed for peace in her marriage, she did the right thing. I don't understand why the man is thinking of marriage and already planning to live with his mom. Whatever his reasons are, it makes no sense except if the mom is giving him a flat in her house.

As an aside, I wonder how our generation was raised. If our parents were independent right from when they gained admission, I don't understand why many parents still treat their 30+ old kids as babies. That is no love nor pampering and it is only a way of hiding their failure.

This over pampering is a serious problem. From the comments from some men here, I just feel ashamed of how they are being brought up. They have no business thinking about marriage before the become a nuisance to their wives.

As you said, it's except they have a flat to themselves in the family house. If not, it's not advisable and it doesn't mean she doesn't love his mum. It's good to have a healthy distance from family to avoid rifts

okine4real:
This is my personal experience, when I wanted to get married, I told my wife to be, that we would be staying in my family house, for two reasons, 1st my family house was very cheap, I was the person paying the rent ohh, but I told her, let's stay here and manage, may be from here we can build our own house and plan very well for ourselves.
2nd was, its cheaper for me to take care of my nuclear family and extended family. Meaning if my wife cooks, my mum and siblings can also eat from the same pot.

But this was one of the worst decisions I have ever made in my life. My Mum and wife go start wahala, my mum onces called my wife, Ashawo in the bible become saint. My Younger sister once called my wife Ashawo. Sometimes I would meet my wife outside the house, mostly about 2 street away from our street waiting for me to come back from work, she would be crying. I would have to beg her and we would go home together. From what I understand, my mum and siblings see the house has there house and sees my wife as an outsider. Know matter how I try to please my extended family, they are never satisfied. Not that my wife don't have her own side, but am of the believe that, if I do 90 percent good and I erroneously commit 10 percent wrong, people should try and forgive because, the wrong was not done on purpose.

To God be the glory, all that myself and my wife wanted to accomplish because we wanted to stay in a family house, we have accomplished it even more than we could imagined, but the relationship between my wife and my mum and sisters got damaged through this process. Even till today, even after like 10 years my mum doesn't collect food from my wife. My mum has relocated to the village and I now have full possion of the house, but mama and my wife know they gree.

IF I COME TO THIS LIFE AGAIN, EVEN IF MY MAMA GO DIE, MAKE SHE DIE, I WOULD NOT LEAVE IN A FAMILY HOUSE AGAIN. EVEN IF THEY CANT EAT, ITS THERE BUSINESS, I WILL TAKE MY WIFE GO RENT ANY KIND OF HOUSE, THE REASON IS, MY FAMILY I WAS TRYING TO HELP DIDNOT EVEN SEE IT THAT I WAS COVERING THERE SHAME, THEY JUST WANT TO BOUNCE ON MY WIFE ON ANY SMALL ISSUE.

YOUR SISTER DID THE RIGHT THING. STAYING IN FAMILY HOUSE WOULD ONLY CAUSE ISSUES.

Speak for yourself alone!
Unfortunately for you,you have a terrible mother who would open her mouth to call her DIL ashawo no matter the provocation and apparently dysfunctional family since you have a sister in the same league as your mother.
Another place you are unfortunate is you come from a below average family as your parents still need to pay rent even as they have a son of marriageable age.
Even Okada ppl manage to put together a small 3 bedroom apartment in the outskirts of the town before they reach retirement age.
My room in my family house is so large it contains a big bed and 2 other foams plus a 3 seater settee, space for the fridge,in built wardrobe and of course it's own restroom so if anything takes me back to my state,I will stay there at least 6 months to 1 year with pride b4 renting a house or speed up building my own house.
How will my mum have time to call some1 ashawo when she has lectures to deliver,students to supervise and mark their scripts,200 bird poultry to tend,choir and church waka,village women meeting,the finances and 2 female and 1 male teenage relatives to tend to her needs and cook whatever choice of food she likes?
When she go get time to look DIL face and call her ashawo?
Popsy sef,anytime my wife is around,na to de pack Mr Biggs food,suya etc de come house anytime he goes out.
Last born sister is 28yrs and has been lecturing in a federal polytechnic for the past 3 yrs with a recent business she started which pays her more than d lecturing job so even if she comes around,no time to look somebody face.
Speak for yaself and ya so called alpha self alone

Leave that one abeg, I'm a man. An ambitious man will always want to get things right. He has money for wedding but doesn't have money to rent house, na 5k dem dey sell cow or rent hall? You can only speak for yourself but not for others. If the ball is already rolling I'm sure the lady will not went to pend her marriage but support him in completing what he has started. God bless our ladies. So supportive. You never buy land you come dey scope your wife. How will they be sharing kitchen?

zed7:
The question should be is the husband going to take the right decision? Your sister has made her choice. Is the man going to be smart enough to let her go without begging her?

You can't love me and not love my family, there's no point. It's not like they are going to stay there forever, probably to save up some money first. No man who doesn't like his independence, it circumstances that makes people take some decisions.

I'm not saying your sister doesn't have a right to her decisions, the man just has to be wise enough to let her go to avoid future problems.

ImaIma1:


This over pampering is a serious problem. From the comments from some men here, I just feel ashamed of how they are being brought up. They have no business thinking about marriage before the become a nuisance to their wives.

As you said, it's except they have a flat to themselves in the family house. If not, it's not advisable and it doesn't mean she doesn't love his mum. It's good to have a healthy distance from family to avoid rifts

You people never ever have d duty to provide for anything,it must be the man.
Even as students,your fellow students who are unfortunate to be male must pay everytime,una own na just to de collect and be provided for.

OluwaLina1:

There is no need to reply him..am here for sensible advice

He gave you a sensible advice, just that it's the bitter truth and you don't like it.

let me ask you this, if your brother's wife orders him to treat ur mum like this, will you be happy??

See op you or ur sis is over doing it

I have female siblings and I'm the only male
three of my sis are no more living with us
Just me and my lil sis wic I'm certainly my lil sis will leave someday too... She's done with nysc last year
So we are living in three bedroom apartment(with big cpd ) even this my mom complain to our elder sis's how we no dey talk to her wella sometimes wic make me thinking if my lil sis leave nd I decide to leave as well to start up a family else where.... How will this woman cope
It's not a matter of SIMP all this my brother and sis are shouting here about but then ur sis needs to evaluate her points right....

I see some people saying is the house very space enough? Yes pls consider if the house is not just a random small house. . Living with MIL is no bad choice and the man is doing himself of saving up money rather spending it on rents wic I'm very sure will hinder him of building a house.... Paying huge rents sorting family expenses and building house is no easy task

I see some people saying is he the only son are there no people in the house.... Yes ur sis sud look into if there aren't too many people in the house to avoid dramas ... If it just the son nd mother then that place will b peaceful to a bit and it's not they living there for life.

Why do some ladies run for there MIL see I'm considering any lady that will wanna b with me lucky cos my mom isn't drama mother at all.... She has four female child nd pray to God everyday for there to b okay in there marriage why will she want to spoil her own son marriage....

This technology age has brain wash so many ladies why won't u want to stay with ur MIL...
But then if u notice some harsh behaviour of your MIL pls my dear sis don't stay in that house!!!
And moreover if ur sis has both MIL and FIL pls don't let her leave in that house she should stand on her ground of him renting an apartment

All what I'm nailing is pls try and consider these single mothers who suffered and struggle enough to brought up man!!!

Good luck in decisions to her!!!

loneprof:


Don't mind these girls. I met one barely less than 3 months she was already giving me signs just because I mentioned my mom. They forget they are women too and they will give birth to sons...

You don't want to tolerate your mother in law, but you can marry and sleep with her son, the son she trained with her blood and sweat.

So the men who stay in their own apartments with their wives were not trained with their mums blood? Or the wife that is leaving her own mother wasn't trained with her mums blood. Or do they love their mothers less?

Anyone who is not ready to leave his/her mother and get married should not think about getting married.

Let the guy ask his mother if she got married to his father and went to live with his mother.

Let's try to be objective in matters and not turning it into a gender war.

PapaNnamdi:

marriage favours women only,
take it anywhere,

So in your little mind, you’re doing a woman a favor by getting married to her? It’s bad luck that will make your future spouse marry you. People like you will be very irritating to live with

ogbuefi677:
Speak for yourself alone!
Unfortunately for you,you have a terrible mother who would open her mouth to call her DIL ashawo no matter the provocation and apparently dysfunctional family since you have a sister in the same league as your mother.
Another place you are unfortunate is you come from a below average family as your parents still need to pay rent even as they have a son of marriageable age.
Even Okada ppl manage to put together a small 3 bedroom apartment in the outskirts of the town before they reach retirement age.
My room in my family house is so large it contains a big bed and 2 other foams plus a 3 seater settee, space for the fridge,in built wardrobe and of course it's own restroom so if anything takes me back to my state,I will stay there at least 6 months to 1 year b4 renting a house with pride or speed up building my own house.
How will my mum have time to call some1 ashawo when she has lectures to deliver,students to supervise and mark their scripts,200 bird poultry to tend,choir and church waka,village women meeting,the finances and 2 female and 1 male teenage relatives to tend to her needs and cook whatever choice of food she likes?
When she go get time to look DIL face and call her ashawo?
Popsy sef,anytime my wife is around,na to de pack Mr Biggs food,suya etc de come house anytime he goes out.
Last born sister is 28yrs and has been lecturing in a federal polytechnic for the past 3 yrs with a recent business she started which pays her more than d lecturing job so even if she comes around,no time to look somebody face.
Speak for yaself and ya so called alpha self alone

I can literally feel the pain in your words. You're pained that a fellow man sees the wrong in living together with one's parents. Sorry ehn.
You too speak for yourself.

MaziIgwe007:


He gave you a sensible advice, just that it's the bitter truth and you don't like it.

let me ask you this, if your brother's wife orders him to treat ur mum like this, will you be happy??

If your sister's fiancé insists on her living with his mom, what will you do, boy?

vikgreen01:
See op you or ur sis is over doing it

I have female siblings and I'm the only male
three of my sis are no more living with us
Just me and my lil sis wic I'm certainly my lil sis will leave someday too... She's done with nysc last year
So we are living in three bedroom apartment(with big cpd ) even this my mom complain to our elder sis's how we no dey talk to her wella sometimes wic make me thinking if my lil sis leave nd I decide to leave as well to start up a family else where.... How will this woman cope
It's not a matter of SIMP all this my brother and sis are shouting here about but then ur sis needs to evaluate her points right....

I see some people saying is the house very space enough? Yes pls consider if the house is not just a random small house. . Living with MIL is no bad choice and the man is doing himself of saving up money rather spending it on rents wic I'm very sure will hinder him of building a house.... Paying huge rents sorting family expenses and building house is no easy task

I see some people saying is he the only son are there no people in the house.... Yes ur sis sud look into if there aren't too many people in the house to avoid dramas ... If it just the son nd mother then that place will b peaceful to a bit and it's not they living there for life.

Why do some ladies run for there MIL see I'm considering any lady that will wanna b with me lucky cos my mom isn't drama mother at all.... She has four female child nd pray to God everyday for there to b okay in there marriage why will she want to spoil her own son marriage....

This technology age has brain wash so many ladies why won't u want to stay with ur MIL...

Just like technology washed your sisters brains leaving them expired spinsters, right?

Chii59:

I can literally feel the pain in your words. You're pained that a fellow man sees the wrong in living together with one's parents. Sorry ehn.
You too speak for yourself.

lolz.You are so wrong.
I de pity all of una including you who come from loveless, poverty stricken families, where everyone is forever suspicious of each other and of course there is hunger and poverty to always stress your relationships even among siblings.

ogbuefi677:

lolz.You are so wrong.
I de pity all of una including you who come from loveless, poverty stricken families, where everyone is forever suspicious of each other and of course there is hunger and poverty to always stress your relationships even among siblings.

Yada yada yada... You're stale
Yawns

ImaIma1:


So the men who stay in their own apartments with their wives were not trained with their mums blood? Or the wife that is leaving her own mother wasn't trained with her mums blood. Or do they love their mothers less?

Anyone who is not ready to leave his/her mother and get married should not think about getting married.

Let the guy ask his mother if she got married to his father and went to live with his mother.

Let's try to be objective in matters and not turning it into a gender war.

My dear, I totally understand your perspective and I am only speaking against the extremes. I for one, do not think any guy should think of settling down in his parents house (unless you're Indian which is their culture).

So trust me, we agree on the privacy issue. But if you check the issue well, it looks awkward to say they're just disagreeing on where to settle after making marriage plans. If the lady in question isn't the one putting the man under pressure for marriage (which is commonplace with ladies), I see no reason why they shouldn't have agreed on a place. It seems to me like a last minute U-turn after weighting her options, which is why I think some ladies are just selfish.

Furthermore, I think a lot of ladies must understand that men, generally, have a soft spot for their mothers and should try to reduce the whole jealousy thing. There's a place for everyone in a man's heart and no man would abandon his wife just because of the mother. Ladies must stop competing with their mother in laws.

Chii59:

Yes. And a good job will dissolve all the differences and the misunderstandings, right?

A good lady is always a good lady no Mata wat. She will endure until de husband build his.

loneprof:


My dear, I totally understand your perspective and I am only speaking against the extremes. I for one, do not think any guy should think of settling down in his parents house (unless you're Indian which is their culture).

So trust me, we agree on the privacy issue. But if you check the issue well, it looks awkward to say they're just disagreeing on where to settle after making marriage plans. If the lady in question isn't the one putting the man under pressure for marriage (which is commonplace with ladies), I see no reason why they shouldn't have agreed on a place. It seems to me like a last minute U-turn after weighting her options, which is why I think some ladies are just selfish.

Furthermore, I think a lot of ladies must understand that men, generally, have a soft spot for their mothers and should try to reduce the whole jealousy thing. There's a place for everyone in a man's heart and no man would abandon his wife just because of the mother. Ladies must stop competing with their mother in laws.

Men have a soft spot for their moms, and women hate their own mothers? Do you even read what you write? Do you
Who's talking about abandoning one's parents? Do you nl boys lack comprehension or what?
OP sister wants her own place, even if it's face me I slap you, and says she doesn't mind mother in law coming to visit every now and then.
Is it so hard for you to digest?

vickydevoka:

A good lady is always a good lady no Mata wat. She will endure until de husband build his.

Tell that to the lady unfortunate enough to marry you.
Yawns

Chii59:

Just like technology washed your sisters brains leaving them expired spinsters, right?

This is one of the stupid lady u should always stay away from
I see how miserable your family is which render u useless and uncultured
You must be stupid for uttering those words but then I don't think I'm talking to u in anyway!!!!

And to what I said three are married wic the one left is the last born!!

I wonder who the heck is chasing after u

vikgreen01:


This is one of the stupid lady u should always stay away from
I see how miserable your family is which render u useless and uncultured
You must be stupid for uttering those words but then I don't think I'm talking to u in anyway!!!!

Yawns
The noise of a barking dog