₦airaland Forum

Kriss216:
Being a Simp and getting married to a Nigerian girl is deadlier than cancer.

No one should make that mistake.

Men's dey pass alots of things where women dey for marriage, my own friend dey complain say him wife dey shit for inside bedroom with custard paint, the worst part is that she won't go to toilet and flush it, she will just cover the custard paint and leave it in the room

I understand exactly what you're saying here because I'm in the same situation but I tell you the truth I bear it without sharing the stories with third party because of the vow I do . calm down oh , love cover all this for me I bear all , exactly what you write here I'm passing through for to past 4 years in marriage, I bath our daughter of 4 years do domestic works I don't even mind the so called wife , wife don't even appreciated it not all

manos:
Note: it's a bit long... I could have summarized but I want those contributing to get a crystal clear picture of the situation, so that they can give better and specific advice.

The major problem here is that she mixes up things to be done in the kitchen with things done only in the toilet.

I have been married to my wife for over a year now (no kids yet) and there are certain unhygienic habits she has been displaying, since we started living together. I have been seeking ways to help her improve on it, but a calm correction from me always leads to a bitter argument between us. (She claims I complain too much whenever I point it out)

For example, she always clears her throat early in the morning and spits in the kitchen sink. (despite the fact that we have 2 toilets with wash hand basins; one in the room and also a guest toilet, with a wash-hand basin which is basically 3 steps from the kitchen). Then she goes to the bathroom, gets her toothbrush and comes back to the kitchen to brush her teeth, while doing several things with toothpaste and saliva drooling from her mouth all through.

The other day, she prepared breakfast (spaghetti) for both of us with the drooling toothpaste mouth and i refused to eat from it. I didn't complain to her either, until she asked why I didn't take my portion of the spaghetti from the pot, later that evening. I mentioned to her that, as always I find it disgusting to eat spaghetti, seasoned with toothpaste drool and saliva. The response I got from her was a hiss and then she said that, next time I should inform her if I am not going to eat the food she cooked so that she would not cook for me."

I let that slide but I felt she missed the point. The next day was her birthday and I decided to prepare breakfast for her.
While I was in the kitchen cooking, she came in with the same drooling toothpaste mouth to take a kitchen Scissors in order to cut something on her pants, even though we have another scissors in the room for such purposes. In the process of trying to pick the scissors, her hands which were covered with toothpaste drool had to cross the pot which I was cooking with. I mentioned to her that I was not comfortable with that and she just hissed as usual, still picked the Scissors and left the kitchen while angrily saying that I am just a complainer. I lost it at this point and proceeded to give her a lecture in anger about basic hygiene and why I can not keep quiet over these things because we live in a shared space and how her actions have a direct effect on me. It ended in a shouting match till she kept quiet, without accepting she was wrong.

This is the pattern almost everything takes when I try to correct her. The worst part is that I would still have to be the one to apologize for shouting at her because if I don't, I might be subjected to a week long silent treatment which I dread.

There are other more unhygienic things that are done by her, which I might not be able to post here due to the fact that I am not completely anonymous and she is still my wife but I hope this information is enough for someone to understand my frustration and profer a solution.

manos:
There are other more unhygienic things that are done by her, which I might not be able to post here due to the fact that I am not completely anonymous and she is still my wife but I hope this information is enough for someone to understand my frustration and profer a solution.

Tell her to leave your house.

@Manos:

Your wife is very dirty and unreachable.

The dirtiness is just a tip of the ice berg: the unreachable spirit is your major issue.

Please Do NOT apologize when next the issue comes up.

Do Not keep malice either.

Correct her and move on, acting like nothing happened.

If she wants to keep malice with you, don't let her drag you that path: you love her, her dirtiness disgusts you.

Even if she changes from malice to tantrums and tears in a bid to manipulate you, don't fall for it.

Your instance is simple: I love you, your dirtiness disgusts me.

Continue to correct her till she changes or you can afford to give her a personal space where she can do all sorts of disgusting things.

Also be generous with your praises and appreciation. She does anything well, hype and appreciate her.

If she says you nag, tell her you are her hype man:

If she does well, you will hype her.
If she does something you don't like, you will still hype her.

She is stuck with your hype either ways.

Goodluck.

thesicilian:
I can bet my next 6 months salary that you're not married.

Those are kids

manos:
Note: it's a bit long... I could have summarized but I want those contributing to get a crystal clear picture of the situation, so that they can give better and specific advice.

The major problem here is that she mixes up things to be done in the kitchen with things done only in the toilet.

I have been married to my wife for over a year now (no kids yet) and there are certain unhygienic habits she has been displaying, since we started living together. I have been seeking ways to help her improve on it, but a calm correction from me always leads to a bitter argument between us. (She claims I complain too much whenever I point it out)

For example, she always clears her throat early in the morning and spits in the kitchen sink. (despite the fact that we have 2 toilets with wash hand basins; one in the room and also a guest toilet, with a wash-hand basin which is basically 3 steps from the kitchen). Then she goes to the bathroom, gets her toothbrush and comes back to the kitchen to brush her teeth, while doing several things with toothpaste and saliva drooling from her mouth all through.

The other day, she prepared breakfast (spaghetti) for both of us with the drooling toothpaste mouth and i refused to eat from it. I didn't complain to her either, until she asked why I didn't take my portion of the spaghetti from the pot, later that evening. I mentioned to her that, as always I find it disgusting to eat spaghetti, seasoned with toothpaste drool and saliva. The response I got from her was a hiss and then she said that, next time I should inform her if I am not going to eat the food she cooked so that she would not cook for me."

I let that slide but I felt she missed the point. The next day was her birthday and I decided to prepare breakfast for her.
While I was in the kitchen cooking, she came in with the same drooling toothpaste mouth to take a kitchen Scissors in order to cut something on her pants, even though we have another scissors in the room for such purposes. In the process of trying to pick the scissors, her hands which were covered with toothpaste drool had to cross the pot which I was cooking with. I mentioned to her that I was not comfortable with that and she just hissed as usual, still picked the Scissors and left the kitchen while angrily saying that I am just a complainer. I lost it at this point and proceeded to give her a lecture in anger about basic hygiene and why I can not keep quiet over these things because we live in a shared space and how her actions have a direct effect on me. It ended in a shouting match till she kept quiet, without accepting she was wrong.

This is the pattern almost everything takes when I try to correct her. The worst part is that I would still have to be the one to apologize for shouting at her because if I don't, I might be subjected to a week long silent treatment which I dread.

There are other more unhygienic things that are done by her, which I might not be able to post here due to the fact that I am not completely anonymous and she is still my wife but I hope this information is enough for someone to understand my frustration and profer a solution.

Ewwwwww!!!

Talk to a counsellor... that way she will see you mean well. Shouting does not always solve issues...

In cases like this the successfully married ones should be the ones giving advice. Not bachelors like us with absolutely no experience. But sadly the reverse is the case on nairaland. Everyone wants to drop their nuggets even when they know nothing about this.

Please mature responses only from married people. Lots of marriages have experienced some stormy weathers from people taking advice from teens on this forum.

So basically, you want us to teach you how to stamp your authority as a man in the house you pay the bills on a wife you married? What exactly are you afraid of? Losing her? Lose her and you won't die.

My good man, if your wife cannot respect you, I won't ask you to demand for respect. It would lead to further disrespect. My advise to you:

STAMP YOUR AUTHORITY AS A MAN IN YOUR FUCKING HOME. NEVER BEG ANY WOMAN TO TREAT YOU WITH RESPECT. DO NOT SHOW HER YOU CAN'T DO WITHOUT HER. IF SHE GIVES YOU SILENT TREATMENT, LEAVE THE HOUSE AND GO STAY IN A HOTEL FOR AS LONG AS IT TAKES FOR HER TO HAVE SENSE. DO THE THINGS TO MAKE HER RESPECT YOUR AUTHORITY, BUT NEVER DEMAND RESPECT, PLEASE. YOU'D DEVALUE YOURSELF.

Shed2013:
I understand exactly what you're saying here because I'm in the same situation but I tell you the truth I bear it without sharing the stories with third party because of the vow I do . calm down oh , love cover all this for me I bear all , exactly what you write here I'm passing through for to past 4 years in marriage, I bath our daughter of 4 years do domestic works I don't even mind the so called wife , wife don't even appreciated it not all

she's your wife for better for worst so take all those annoying things she do as part of the vow I do , treat her right , do your best , don't complained further, to avoid stories that touch

manos:
Note: it's a bit long... I could have summarized but I want those contributing to get a crystal clear picture of the situation, so that they can give better and specific advice.

The major problem here is that she mixes up things to be done in the kitchen with things done only in the toilet.

I have been married to my wife for over a year now (no kids yet) and there are certain unhygienic habits she has been displaying, since we started living together. I have been seeking ways to help her improve on it, but a calm correction from me always leads to a bitter argument between us. (She claims I complain too much whenever I point it out)

For example, she always clears her throat early in the morning and spits in the kitchen sink. (despite the fact that we have 2 toilets with wash hand basins; one in the room and also a guest toilet, with a wash-hand basin which is basically 3 steps from the kitchen). Then she goes to the bathroom, gets her toothbrush and comes back to the kitchen to brush her teeth, while doing several things with toothpaste and saliva drooling from her mouth all through.

The other day, she prepared breakfast (spaghetti) for both of us with the drooling toothpaste mouth and i refused to eat from it. I didn't complain to her either, until she asked why I didn't take my portion of the spaghetti from the pot, later that evening. I mentioned to her that, as always I find it disgusting to eat spaghetti, seasoned with toothpaste drool and saliva. The response I got from her was a hiss and then she said that, next time I should inform her if I am not going to eat the food she cooked so that she would not cook for me."

I let that slide but I felt she missed the point. The next day was her birthday and I decided to prepare breakfast for her.
While I was in the kitchen cooking, she came in with the same drooling toothpaste mouth to take a kitchen Scissors in order to cut something on her pants, even though we have another scissors in the room for such purposes. In the process of trying to pick the scissors, her hands which were covered with toothpaste drool had to cross the pot which I was cooking with. I mentioned to her that I was not comfortable with that and she just hissed as usual, still picked the Scissors and left the kitchen while angrily saying that I am just a complainer. I lost it at this point and proceeded to give her a lecture in anger about basic hygiene and why I can not keep quiet over these things because we live in a shared space and how her actions have a direct effect on me. It ended in a shouting match till she kept quiet, without accepting she was wrong.

This is the pattern almost everything takes when I try to correct her. The worst part is that I would still have to be the one to apologize for shouting at her because if I don't, I might be subjected to a week long silent treatment which I dread.

There are other more unhygienic things that are done by her, which I might not be able to post here due to the fact that I am not completely anonymous and she is still my wife but I hope this information is enough for someone to understand my frustration and profer a solution.

It will be easy to come here and suggest ways to get out of such situation! Well, be careful what advice you take cause no one lives with her but you so you'll face whatever consequence comes from your action.

Experience has taught me that if you give a simple with window of opportunity for complacency, it will turn to an open door of more terrible unhealthy habits.

heendrix:
A certified simp spotted.....You seem to want to correct someone and after that still go and apologize after scolding her and you think she'll listen to you No man she'll disrespect you even more with the mind "He'll come back to Apologize"

and besides for ur wife to hiss at you in any slight provocation tells how weak you are. people would come ranting you want peace in ur home bla bla but Know something for life when ur Dealing with a Nigerian woman take it like ur dealing with a wild animal taking no nonsense

I can't even imagine my girlfriend hissing at me let alone my wife

Op my advice for u is to be a man. you've been a simp for way too long

Nwatakiri puo ilo ga gwuliwe egwu

She dey form porsh for you before ina marry ba. Self contain don master am. Sorry self contain sef still good i mean single room,no toilet. Be like say na slum you pick am out from . Single room na one spot u go baff,shit,washplates,dry clothes. So disgusting

OP, I fit bet my prick say your wife toto go dey smell 24/7.

Na pig you marry put for house.

Your wife na wetin Yorubas dey call Olooorun.

You need to sit her down and let her know her actions are affecting you. It is a matter that might take time and you need be more patient in pointing her out.

For example, the day you said she was drooling with toothpaste in her mouth, you could have said something like "Dear, you have toothpaste in your mouth and I feel you need rinse your mouth a couple of times more".

[quote author=emkz post=92706181]So basically, you want us to teach you how to stamp your authority as a man look man no authority to stand as a man here please

Lol

Kriss216:
Being a Simp and getting married to a Nigerian girl is deadlier than cancer.

Everybody should laminate the comment and put in front of their door step.

decatalyst:
You are right!


But let me tell you something, what you will not accept when rich, nah from when you are poor you go dey reject am.

Maybe it's a bit late for him now, but while they were seeing each other before marriage, he should have seen it. The woman is just a being herself and to her, you are trying to change her.

There is a perfect person for everyone. Dirty people can meets and love each other's way of life!

You are probably still a kid that is still deceiving himself

Their is no perfectly perfect person anywhere

When you marry you will know how far, you think you will marry a doll that you can easily form online alpha too

I laugh

Marriage is give and take ...alpha or simpooh mentality will give you more trouble, you will analyze everything aggressively in name of alpha finally you will become toxic for yourself, wife and children

manos:
Note: it's a bit long... I could have summarized but I want those contributing to get a crystal clear picture of the situation, so that they can give better and specific advice.

The major problem here is that she mixes up things to be done in the kitchen with things done only in the toilet.

I have been married to my wife for over a year now (no kids yet) and there are certain unhygienic habits she has been displaying, since we started living together. I have been seeking ways to help her improve on it, but a calm correction from me always leads to a bitter argument between us. (She claims I complain too much whenever I point it out)

For example, she always clears her throat early in the morning and spits in the kitchen sink. (despite the fact that we have 2 toilets with wash hand basins; one in the room and also a guest toilet, with a wash-hand basin which is basically 3 steps from the kitchen). Then she goes to the bathroom, gets her toothbrush and comes back to the kitchen to brush her teeth, while doing several things with toothpaste and saliva drooling from her mouth all through.

The other day, she prepared breakfast (spaghetti) for both of us with the drooling toothpaste mouth and i refused to eat from it. I didn't complain to her either, until she asked why I didn't take my portion of the spaghetti from the pot, later that evening. I mentioned to her that, as always I find it disgusting to eat spaghetti, seasoned with toothpaste drool and saliva. The response I got from her was a hiss and then she said that, next time I should inform her if I am not going to eat the food she cooked so that she would not cook for me."

I let that slide but I felt she missed the point. The next day was her birthday and I decided to prepare breakfast for her.
While I was in the kitchen cooking, she came in with the same drooling toothpaste mouth to take a kitchen Scissors in order to cut something on her pants, even though we have another scissors in the room for such purposes. In the process of trying to pick the scissors, her hands which were covered with toothpaste drool had to cross the pot which I was cooking with. I mentioned to her that I was not comfortable with that and she just hissed as usual, still picked the Scissors and left the kitchen while angrily saying that I am just a complainer. I lost it at this point and proceeded to give her a lecture in anger about basic hygiene and why I can not keep quiet over these things because we live in a shared space and how her actions have a direct effect on me. It ended in a shouting match till she kept quiet, without accepting she was wrong.

This is the pattern almost everything takes when I try to correct her. The worst part is that I would still have to be the one to apologize for shouting at her because if I don't, I might be subjected to a week long silent treatment which I dread.

There are other more unhygienic things that are done by her, which I might not be able to post here due to the fact that I am not completely anonymous and she is still my wife but I hope this information is enough for someone to understand my frustration and profer a solution.

Wow! No wonder my mom is always stressing over neatness... Sometimes I feel like she's over reacting about it... She'd say whatever you are used to in your house is what you'd do when you get to your husband's house... Now I understand what she means...


Your wife is so used to that habit... she doesn't see anything wrong with it...

Unhygiene is a complete turn off for now.

The worst part of your quagmire is that she's not ready to improve.

Hmmm

Sicilyjoe:
Men's dey pass alots of things where women dey for marriage, my own friend dey complain say him wife dey shit for inside bedroom with custard paint, the worst part is that she won't go to toilet and flush it, she will just cover the custard paint and leave it in the room

This type go dey store used pads for kitchen

manos:
Note: it's a bit long... I could have summarized but I want those contributing to get a crystal clear picture of the situation, so that they can give better and specific advice.

The major problem here is that she mixes up things to be done in the kitchen with things done only in the toilet.

I have been married to my wife for over a year now (no kids yet) and there are certain unhygienic habits she has been displaying, since we started living together. I have been seeking ways to help her improve on it, but a calm correction from me always leads to a bitter argument between us. (She claims I complain too much whenever I point it out)

For example, she always clears her throat early in the morning and spits in the kitchen sink. (despite the fact that we have 2 toilets with wash hand basins; one in the room and also a guest toilet, with a wash-hand basin which is basically 3 steps from the kitchen). Then she goes to the bathroom, gets her toothbrush and comes back to the kitchen to brush her teeth, while doing several things with toothpaste and saliva drooling from her mouth all through.

The other day, she prepared breakfast (spaghetti) for both of us with the drooling toothpaste mouth and i refused to eat from it. I didn't complain to her either, until she asked why I didn't take my portion of the spaghetti from the pot, later that evening. I mentioned to her that, as always I find it disgusting to eat spaghetti, seasoned with toothpaste drool and saliva. The response I got from her was a hiss and then she said that, next time I should inform her if I am not going to eat the food she cooked so that she would not cook for me."

I let that slide but I felt she missed the point. The next day was her birthday and I decided to prepare breakfast for her.
While I was in the kitchen cooking, she came in with the same drooling toothpaste mouth to take a kitchen Scissors in order to cut something on her pants, even though we have another scissors in the room for such purposes. In the process of trying to pick the scissors, her hands which were covered with toothpaste drool had to cross the pot which I was cooking with. I mentioned to her that I was not comfortable with that and she just hissed as usual, still picked the Scissors and left the kitchen while angrily saying that I am just a complainer. I lost it at this point and proceeded to give her a lecture in anger about basic hygiene and why I can not keep quiet over these things because we live in a shared space and how her actions have a direct effect on me. It ended in a shouting match till she kept quiet, without accepting she was wrong.

This is the pattern almost everything takes when I try to correct her. The worst part is that I would still have to be the one to apologize for shouting at her because if I don't, I might be subjected to a week long silent treatment which I dread.

There are other more unhygienic things that are done by her, which I might not be able to post here due to the fact that I am not completely anonymous and she is still my wife but I hope this information is enough for someone to understand my frustration and profer a solution.

which part of the country did she hail from

decatalyst:
I hate to hear the statement "I am still the one to apologize" It sucks to hear this!


You make it seem like you are a simp! You are supposed to offer direction in your home. Tell her what she needs to hear to get the desired result. You don't have to shout on the woman please.

He totally spoilt the woman by apologizing....

WandaMaximoff:
See ehn, if you want that marriage to see the light of day, don't bring your marital issues to Nairaland. Your marriage will be over before your thread gets to page 2.

You are living with a full grown adult for the first time, you both have weird habits that will irritate each other. Trust me, I'm sure there are habits she is also tolerating from you.

Marriage is give and take. I'd suggest you talk to her when the mood is lighter, pillow talk in the bedroom is a perfect time. Tell her how her hygiene makes you feel and tell her it would make you really happy if she changes.

Speaking up just at the time you noticed another of the unhygienic habit won't help you as you will be addressing it with anger.

If you can't settle a small matter like this amongst yourselves, there are worse storms in marriage o.

Am not married..
But that fact that your married actually doesn't mean much here..

I don't like something as a human being.. If you as an adult supposedly loves me can't take a simple correction.. Which is even to make you the ones being corrected a more classier and better person am sorry i married the wrong one... Ive been in relationhips where the woman would be willing to do things aout of love for my own good... Then this? On top of that she hisses etc...

Oga youand your lot are suffering and smiling.. Anyways i get that 90 percentage of marriage are not done out of love, but out of pressure..

If your love cant better herself and still disrespects her husband, who corrects her, sorry you have a selfish uninterested house mate

Oga, marriage na teacher o! u go learn and teach eachoda daily. but, sir! it seem u be ajebo wella and wife kpako abi? most Nigerians(kpako) do all this stuff u complained of. just comot your eyes for some things she d do sir

Didn't you noticed all this when you both were dating? If yes you're at fault