Please I need your advice. I had created this account because I am well known here with my main account because I am always active and I want to remain anonymously.

Am 21 a single mum with 1 girl age 5 , her dad rejected me when I was pregnant he left when I was 4 months pregnant with her .

I had a difficult time growing up , my mum died when I was 8 years and my dad denied me claiming my mum had cheated on him and there’s no way I could be his daughter.

My aunty who was supposed to care for me had never bothered about me , she was always out leaving me in the house all alone without food , whenever I complains she will beat me telling me to go to my mum graveyard to ask her for assistance.

I have suffered in the hand of my aunty she didn’t care about my education if I have managed to complete my primary school till jss2 was thanks to this aunty who was a teacher at my school and a good friend of my mum , she sponsored me , And when I was 14 my aunty landlord kicked her out of the house because of rent arrears she said I am the enemy of progress she cant take me to her boyfriend house because he won’t accept me to stay there that I should go and look for a place , I cried and pleaded with her to take me along with her but she refuse I beg her to show me where my dad is she said he will not accept me because he hated my mum but I beg her to take me to him .

She took me to him it was my first time seeing him I looked just like him with one eye big one small but he insulted the hell out of us saying he will never accept me because my mum was a cheater she had so many boyfriends that I should ask her who my real father is but my aunty insisted that my mum had told her before she passed on that he was my dad even taught I resembled him still he denied and kicked us out like we were dogs I cried and my aunty was angry because of the insult so she left me all alone in the street but later came to me .
Since that day my life situation has worsened because I was forced to stay with different people where I was being abused , my baby dad came as a guardian angel to my life he took care of everything i needed by promising me heaven on Earth I taught he will get me out of my hard situations but I was wrong i find out he was married with kids I was heartbroken because I didn’t want to live the same lifestyle as my mum had lived but history has repeated itself just like my mother had me with a married man but she knew he was married but me I didn’t know , but it was too late for me to moved on because I was already pregnant for him and I didn’t want to abort my baby I have decide to continue the relationship but when I was 4 months pregnant he left me and blocked me from all his contacts , this is the man that has never bothered to asked about his child for 5 years now..

My little girl dont even know her dad the same way I did not know mine until
I was 14 which break my heart anytime I think about it.

My daughter and I are staying with my madam the lady tat I serve her for now 3 years but things here hasn’t been easy for us because my madam children don’t like me they keep accusing of things I don’t do like I stole their money , clothes and many more before my madam was telling them to stop with their bad attitudes towards me but I have noticed that whenever they had accused me she start getting angry with me sometimes we can go days without her not talking to me which I think I have overstayed and I am not longer wanted here I want to leave this house and to go and hustle but I feared for my daughter because I don’t want her to end up like me.

If I leave this house we will be on the street for a long time till I will be able to get somewhere else to stay with her also I don’t think I can give her the best education because if she stay with me she will end up being a teen mother just like I did something I don’t want to happen to her and I came across someone who’s willing to help me by taking care of my daughter to give her the best life something that I have always wanted for her , she promised to take care of her till university and she will give me the money to rent a room and start up business she said she will take things to the right direction like adoption but I don’t know how she will do it because I have no idea that I will have to sign up papers for agreement i have agreed because I think is really a good opportunity for me even taught I have accepted but sometimes I am getting worried about giving her my daughter I am having sleepless nights and thinking all nights.

I am just tired of living this life I didn’t ask to be born my parents created me and now I am suffering from their mistakes something I didn’t consented and I don’t want my daughter to suffer because of my mistake I think giving her up for adoption is a good thing , but I don’t know if I am doing the right things.

please no insult what is your advice for me.

Thanks

It's sad that that you have lived such life but I would say never give up your child. Especially a girl. Things may seem hard but would you want to make it harder for your child? You are going to regret it if you put her up for adoption. Better work hard and man up to your responsibility. The way you didn't ask to be born is the same way she didn't ask to be born. God bless you and may you find a solution without adoption.

Righteousness89:
I will be Very Frank with you!

Until the Root Cause of a Problem is Tackled, one might keep Going in Circles.

The Same Pattern of your Mum is Exactly what Happened to you.

Its time for you to treat that issue..

It does not look like what can be done by Power.

My Advice to you is to Seek For GENUIE Bible Believing Church. Go there, Surrender to JESUS Completely and Let HIM Work on you..

You need to be Soaked in God to Break Certain yokes and Patterns..

Once the Root Cause is Sorted, other things will Fall in Place..

Thanks for the advice. I have lost faith in Jesus because if he was there I wouldn’t have been suffering like this . I don’t want to look for him because he has never care about me and I don’t want to know him

If only you can see that by giving her her up for adoption, you may be subjecting her to a future worse than what you have gone through!
Not all that glitters is gold. That person that promised you heaven and earth to train your daughter and set up a business for you, there may be more to it than meets the eye.
Plus your daughter may never forgive you for pushing her away.

Or11:
It's sad that that you have lived such life but I would say never give up your child. Especially a girl. Things may seem hard but would you want to make it harder for your child? You are going to regret it if you put her up for adoption. Better work hard and man up to your responsibility. The way you didn't ask to be born is the same way she didn't ask to be born. God bless you and may you find a solution without adoption.

I borrow your very wise words because you say what I was going to say better. Thanks.

I believe you really want to give your daughter a good start. But, it would be unwise of you to sign papers you have no legal u understanding of.
Get knowledgeable people (preferably lawyers) to read through it before you sign.
Whatever you do, give your child the very best of you, she deserves it.

Sad o. I pray everything gets better for you and your daughter fast

Mizflo:

Thanks for the advice. I have lost faith in Jesus because if he was there I wouldn’t have been suffering like this . I don’t want to look for him because he has never care about me and I don’t want to know him

My dear, I hope all you wrote is true and I genuinely feel bad for you. What the guy wrote about seeking God is true and I also understand that due to your situation, you feel abandoned and alone, but it doesn't negate the fact that what he said is true.

Since this your baby daddy denied the child, have you reported to the police? You can also contact human rights/welfare agency to take up the case with him cos he doesn't have a right to deny his child's paternity. Don't sit down and be looking, contact the nearest police station and explain your situation, they will drag the guy to welfare and force him to pay for the child's upkeep, after all, you didn't impregnate yourself.

Righteousness89:
I will be Very Frank with you!

Until the Root Cause of a Problem is Tackled, one might keep Going in Circles.

The Same Pattern of your Mum is Exactly what Happened to you.

Its time for you to treat that issue..

It does not look like what can be done by Power.

My Advice to you is to Seek For GENUIE Bible Believing Church. Go there, Surrender to JESUS Completely and Let HIM Work on you..

You need to be Soaked in God to Break Certain yokes and Patterns..

Once the Root Cause is Sorted, other things will Fall in Place..

If you observe and have this point. Apart from religious opinion, what else can you suggest? Because sometimes, you can pray till eternity and nothing will change especially when it's like a family thing.

Mizflo:

Thanks for the advice. I have lost faith in Jesus because if he was there I wouldn’t have been suffering like this . I don’t want to look for him because he has never care about me and I don’t want to know him

You are an embittered soul in serious need of help.

Whao, you needed help and you actually said the quoted?!

Maybe all those talks about you were true by the way.

Haven't you read about Biblical Job? Joseph? Hanna? Sarah?

Please, don't add blasphemy to your issues.

Nothing do your daughter..
You are the one in serious need of help.

Mizflo,
Give her up for adoption. That's the right thing now.

It will be tough at first, but best you adjust and face your life squarely while she's in safe hands.

If you don't, you will suffer her for nothing and it will affect you getting the best out of the remaining years in your life.

Never be tired of this life, always make use of new opportunities even if it is not conventional or popular. In this case, your opportunity is to be able to make something out of your life while your daughter grows elsewhere to be an adult.

You will be fine, she will be fine too. Which state are you?


Modified:
I just read other people's comments above mine. Please ignore them. They sit comfortably typing without empathy and with the typical Nigerian mindset.

Adoption is very good, your daughter will have people she can look up to as parents/guardians. She needs that foundation at least till when she is 18. You are merely 21 and this is your chance to restart your life. If you don't take this chance, you will suddenly reach 40, depressed, broke, miserable and suicidal. Please take this chance, especially for your daughter to have a home.

How about your maternal family?

You will need a good lawyer possibly those legal aid or human rights lawyers who offer pro bono work to help you see the paperwork..

Secondly, how much of the woman do you know? Many things have gone wrong in our value system and opportunist is what we have mostly around us.. Try not to fall victim the second time.

Pray to deliver yourself from the curse your mum brought on you through her lifestyle so your daughter can have an edge in life so the circles don't continue...

Your baby father is playing with fire... He impregnated you as a minor which is punishable under the law of the land...

the idea of adoption is very shady in Nigeria considering the fact we don't have a good social services and the other stuffs....

Your child is special that person adopting/....... sees it as well

don't sign off on anything you don't understand...
I don't want to hear of another child maltreated or burnt with iron .

but if the person is legit I mean following due process with a lawyer present
please by all means go for it

Hussle hard till the papers you signed don't mean shit the law is for the poor
make sure you come back for your lil baby

Look for an NGO

LOCATE any RCCG church, discuss with the Pastor. They have a place for people having this challenge. Give your life to Christ.

Seek help on how to get a job. You may start from a batcher or low cost housing.

Don't give

Please dont give your daughter up for adoption because you may never see her again.

Seek help from relatives, extended family members etc

Don't give up

This is a delicate and difficult case.

So sorry @Mizflo for what you are presently going through.

cc: tot

Ishilove,

Frozen70,

Please can you offer some words of advice and encouragement to Mizflo.

Mizflo:

Thanks for the advice. I have lost faith in Jesus because if he was there I wouldn’t have been suffering like this . I don’t want to look for him because he has never care about me and I don’t want to know him

Hey, dont say that, everything happens for a reason, dont blame Jesus, you are the one that opened your small legs for your baby daddy, Jesus didnt tell you to.

So nobody saw the fact that the baby daddy took advantage of Op. Shouldn't he be reported to a police station. He raped Op till he impregnated her. Op was just 16

goldenboyofpsy:
How about your maternal family?

You will need a good lawyer possibly those legal aid or human rights lawyers who offer pro bono work to help you see the paperwork..

Secondly, how much of the woman do you know? Many things have gone wrong in our value system and opportunist is what we have mostly around us.. Try not to fall victim the second time.

Pray to deliver yourself from the curse your mum brought on you through her lifestyle so your daughter can have an edge in life so the circles don't continue...

Your baby father is playing with fire... He impregnated you as a minor which is punishable under the law of the land...

Oh you addressed it already. I don't think people saw the gravity of that offence. Yeah people marry or impregnate 16 years old but they take care of the mother and baby and also the particular community allows it to someone extent.

I came across someone who’s willing to help me by taking care of my daughter to give her the best life something that I have always wanted for her , she promised to take care of her till university and she will give me the money to rent a room and start up business she said she will take things to the right direction like adoption

I hear. She is promising heaven and earth the way the father of your child promised you heaven and earth.

See, there is an evil pattern here which you have noticed and as Righteousness89 pointed out, until that pattern is broken it will keep reasserting itself and messing you and your lineage up. Even your aunt who abandoned you is still moving from man to man. No stable home. Unless the foundation be destroyed, what can the righteous do?

That aside, we can say "don't give up your daughter" from the comforts of our homes but you that wear the shoes know where they pinch. BUT, even if you give up your child for adoption, what happened to you and your mum will also happen to this innocent child, so giving her up for adoption is not the solution.

Take each day has it comes. First of all, state your location here and whatever skills you have. While you're at it, like someone suggested, contact social welfare so that they can trace your he-goat baby daddy and compel him to pay child support. It is high time this country made abandoning pregnant girlfriends a jailable offence (aside the fact that he impregnated a minor, which itself is a crime). He must be traced and on the threat of public disgrace and imprisonment, made to pay for child support till his daughter is 18.

Righteousness89:


I Have Given the Solution..

You can Keep touring up and down .. That's Human Nature! We are Naturally Stubborn.

When u are Through with touring, u will come back..

They will not agree. The funny part is that her daughter will come and continue the cycle. Only Jesus can save her. She will go round and round till she's old otherwise and nothing will change.

She's has inherited a very negative spiritual climate. Even a person who is not related to her can come under her negativity if he's weak spiritually.

OP, start with getting in touch with the social welfare office as your daughter's father must be dragged into the picture as long as it is very provable that he fathered her, he has an OBLIGATION towards a child he fathers, within marriage or outside it. I see such regularly at the children' protection office where I put in some hours weekly.

His safer option is to sit down with you, your daughter and the social welfare officials and come up with a care plan for the child which would be documented or he has to start dealing with the criminality of sexually taking advantage of a minor which resulted to pregnancy and eventual abandonment .

Where are you based?

Getting a human rights lawyer is a good start. Truth is, the married man raped you at 16 (under age) and left you to die on the street. He should be jailed and made to pay with his life savings.

It is too early to give your child up for adoption.

uboma:
This is a delicate and difficult case.

So sorry @Mizflo for what you are presently going through.

cc: tot

Ishilove,

Frozen70,

Please can you offer some words of advice and encouragement to Mizflo.

Thanks for the notification, let me go through

frozen70:


Thanks for the notification, let me go through

You are welcome Ma'am.

Good morning.

Mizflo:

Thanks for the advice. I have lost faith in Jesus because if he was there I wouldn’t have been suffering like this . I don’t want to look for him because he has never care about me and I don’t want to know him

Did you remember Jesus when you spread your leg for sex.

You're blaming Jesus for a self cause or hereditary cursed


No need of blame games again but your mom is the genesis of your suffering not Jesus, unfortunately she's gone

How can you not learn from your mom lesson? One would expect at your age you will runaway from guys and hustle remembering your mom past


The only that girl owed you is to break what I'm seeing as hereditary cursed, Righteousness89 have spoken and I endorsed his post but I want you to do some investigation on your baby papa's family


Find his family now and let them be aware of what he did, he can't have a social balance life and made you have imbalance social life. Trace his family and friends and break this yoke by not just praying but preventing your girl child to carry this burden when she grow old

Firstly ,when you give your child up for adoption, she's no longer yours. Legally she has a new parent and you can never claim her. They won't even Allow you go near her. Its like selling a child legally.

So make your decisions right.