Why nah, wetin sup dia, holla ya guy , mah set am straight,
las las nobi Ugogorooooo

Elvictor:

I dey avoid F with F

No news from madam Stella for a while now o

superability:
No news from madam Stella for a while now o

True that... Elvictor, where u go hide sweetilious Madam Stella and Aisha nah

Where is honorable talk and do ooo

unitysheart:
Where is honorable talk and do ooo

He's busy with Profit and Johanna

El Victor we dey wait you oo

sorry everyone for not updating for days now, if you are following my posts on my page you will understand. I have to take care of my twin brother till he get well, probably today and tomorrow I will update, but the following days I will dedicate it to the health of my twin brother till he get better, by God grace.

OGA LANDLORD 21+



Subtitle: Fu*ck Fakers.




Episode 114



Johannah have placed the call on loudspeaker, I heard Profit's voice.

Profit's voice: who are you talking to baby?

Johannah's voice: am testing the mouthpiece, mommy.

She ended the call and I stared at the screen stunned. Thank God this girl no be my pikin, I put my phone inside my trouser side pocket and looked around the place some hookers were looking at me.
I whistled and walked inside the hotel, I went to were Simeon and Ugochukwu were drinking.

Two bottles of beer opened on the table, so na two bottles of beer them carry me come here.
I sighted the table from were I stood on the space were the bar is positioned aside, I was about to climb the three inches height podium when someone climbed the podium before me and headed to the table.

James turned back and saw me.

James: Honourable talk and do, you dey here too?

Me: I dey with James and my paddy man.

James: hope say you don see babe or my arrange for you.

Me: no worry, I no come for babes.

We both went to the table, one guy was dancing anyhow shifting tables with his weight out of drunkenness on the table.

James: Don-Simeon, pass me my bling bling, sharp sharp. I don sight the babe.

Don-Simeon: that one no be issue.

He removed one of the necklace on his neck and gave to James.

Ugochukwu: where you go na?

Me: na Profit pikin call me, na only two bottles ona order since?

Ugochukwu: you don see am, your gee no get money to order fifty bottles.

Me: the kind hungry wey dey catch me here ehnn.. Simeon, where person fit eat for this hotel?

Don-Simeon: na room service oh, if you no lodge them no go give you food oh!

I turned and left the pool side, Ugochukwu ran after me.

Ugochukwu: I no know say hungry dey catch me too.

Me: how you go know? you be married man na, go meet your wife make she cook for you.

Ugochukwu: jealousy jealousy, nothing fit stop our love.

I went inside the hotel and met the receptionist, the lady was just giving me one kind look like ona two be gay.

Receptionist: you are welcome, sir.

Me: ona dey lodge for half-day?

Receptionist: yes, who and you wan lodge?

Ugochukwu: see question, na two of us or you wan join us?

Me: ask am oh!

She shrugged.

Receptionist: alright, sir. No be first time I dey see ona kind.

I no understand wetin she mean, we booked the room and went up to the room, we both entered and went for the telephone.

Me: respect yourself, give me the telephone.

Ugochukwu: I nodey give you.

Me: hope say you come with your ATM card because I no go pay for you.

He touched his pockets and discovered that his ATM cards are not there, he hand over the the telephone and I placed the order of fufu and egusi soup for both of us.

I settled the table before me and adjusted my belt, and anticipated for the food.

Ugochukwu: see the way you prepare like person wey wan go war.

Me: wetin you expect when you don keep me hungry since afternoon?

A lady brought the food and served us, me I no wait make she disappear before I pounced on the food.
After I eat finish I drank the water and rested for some minutes, I ready myself to go sleep for my yard.

Ugochukwu: you wan commot?

Me: you wear eyeglass of blindness? I wan go my yard go sleep.

Both of us left the room and paid the receptionist, two of us walked to my yard. When I got there I saw Teacher sitting on the frontage whistling.
I went inside my room with Ugochukwu and prepare myself for sleep.

I come dey wonder why PHCN no wan bring light, I lay on the bed and slept off.
Around 12:15am Tony started his madness.

Tony's voice: hello contractor.... Aahhh.... the two million contract.... you don't have to worry I am engineer Tony.... oh my boys are on it...

Ugochukwu: who dey make call like that?

Me: you dey ask me?

Ugochukwu: person nofit sleep for this your yard in peace?

Tony was making call mentioning billions and millions disturbing everyone's sleep.

I started hearing loud bangs on his window, Tony became silent immediately.

Ugichukwu: *whisper to me* wetin dey happen?

Me: *I whisper back* thieves.

Ugochukwu: Jesus!

Loud voice: open this window!! I will shoot you!!!


TBC...

OGA LANDLORD 21+



Subtitle: Fu*ck Fakers.




Episode 115



Everywhere was silent apart from the loud bang coming from Tony's window, the thieves were making effort to go through the window.

Tony's voice: thief oohhh! make ona help oohhh! them wan shoot me oohhh!

I could hear him making efforts to open his door to run inside the compound of the yard.

Tony's voice: Jesus!!

Thief voice: ssshhhh... where is the money?

Ugochukwu: *whisper to me* them don catch am.

Me: wetin concern me? *I whisper back*

Ugochukwu: *whisper to me* na your tenant.

Me: I be him landlord *I whisper back*

Ugochukwu: na more reason you for do something *whisper to me*

Me: free me, if you wan do something run go outside go hug thieves na. *I whisper back*

Thief voice: where is the billion and million you dey talk for call?

Tony's voice: I no get millions oohh! I just dey make calls of millions, I no get shishi.

Voice: aahhh! Tony, you stingy oohh! all the money you dey keep us awake with calls, share give them na?

Tony's voice: I no get money oh, iffa get billions I for dey live for this kind room wey TV nodey, abeg oohhh!

Thief voice: Tiger, abeg make ona show this guy pepper.

Tony's voice: aahhh! pity me oohh! ewooohh! ona go kill me ooohh!!

Ugochukwu: guy do something na? *whisper to me*

Me: do wetin? *I whisper back*

I carried the pillow and pressed to my head blocking Tony's wailing from my ears, I didn't even know when I slept off to another noisemaker.
It was preacher-man starting his early morning preaching, I thought he travelled how come?

Preacherman's voice: right from the days of Adam, oohh! the wrath of God was on us, but the Grace of Jesus!! oohh! I surround all! Oh Jesus! come and take me.

Ugochukwu turned on the dimly lit room and went for his phone, tapped the screen on and saw the time.

Ugochukwu: just 3am, this people no go allow person sleep.

Me: if you like no sleep, I dey use to all these noise.

Ugochukwu: you get mind oh! what if them kill Tony?

Me: I go rent out the room to another person.

Preacherman's voice: in my sinful days, I remember masturbating. I remember fornicating, I remember smoking, I remember stealing, oohh! Jesus, saw pass all my sins and gave me another life. I am now living a sinless life my brethren, look upon Jesus sinless is he.

Ugochukwu: with his loud voice him still dey use public speaker.

Me: I wan sleep oohh!

Preacherman voice: what is wealth without Jesus? what is love without Jesus? what is house and earthly possession without Jesus? repent oohh! that day trumpet go sound my brother, if you see hell fire aahhh! I was opportune to see hell fire in my dream, I ask Daddy. Na who go enter here? him answer me say na sinners aahhh! I cry.

Ugochukwu: I nofit sleep.

Me: happy not sleeping.

My phone rang and I went for it, it was the governor calling. I picked the call sharply, all those kind of hot calls no suppose ring pass two seconds.

Me: father, good morning.

Governor's voice: son, did I wake you up?

Me: not at all, father.

Governor's voice: come to the house early, we wan start rally today.

Me: no problem, I go dey there before fowl go crow.

He ended the call.

Ugochukwu: who be that? I think say your papa don die.

Me: your brain dey flight mode, na Governor.

Ugochukwu: this ona son father, it is well shall. We wey no get father to son wetin we go do?

Preacherman's voice: repent before you go burn for hellfire, repent before that yansh you dey look go carry you go hell fire. Repent! I say repent! how many times I go warn you? you better repent or na hellfire you godey follow devil roast yam.

I carried my pillow and pressed to my head blocking my ears and travelled to dreamland, I was enjoying a wonderful sleep where I am seeing myself enjoying life. Flexing anyhow when loud knocking on my door woke me up.

I opened my eyes and saw Ugochukwu snoring away, the knocker persist with the force that he kept hammering my door relentlessly.
See wahala, I checked my wall-clock it was just 6am.

Me: who be that?

Voice1: na Papa Iyawo, oya introduce yourself.

Voice2: and Mama Iyawo.

Papa Iyawo's voice: we wan see you Honourable talk and do, the matter serious.

Me: come back later, the council never open.

Papa Iyawo's voice: abeg open the council, the matter na life and death matter.

Me: make ona wait, I dey come.

I got up from the bed and stretched yawning, dragged my legs lazily to the door and opened it.
I let them in and the both of them brisk in not smiling and occupied my chairs.
I closed the door and went back to the bed and sat.

Me: Mama Iyawo and Papa Iyawo, why ona two nodey smile wetin happen?

Papa Iyawo: ask Mama Iyawo.

Me: Mama Iyawo wetin happen?

Mama Iyawo: ask Papa Iyawo, since when him return him dey vex after I tell am the goodnews, him no wan even gree chop my kpomor again.

Papa Iyawo: why them go ask me? I dey there when you dey play football match for my back ehnn?! Mama Iyawo.

Me: football match? as Mama Iyawo fat like this she dey play ball?

Papa Iyawo: she dey play match for bed with other men, na wetin them tell me for this yard.

Me: who be the other men?

Papa Iyawo: I no know, them just tell me say she dey service other men. Ask Mama Iyawo who be the other men.

TBC...

Elvictor:
sorry everyone for not updating for days now, if you are following my posts on my page you will understand. I have to take care of my twin brother till he get well, probably today and tomorrow I will update, but the following days I will dedicate it to the health of my twin brother till he get better, by God grace.

Wishing your brother speedy recovery as well as sound health.

Elvictor:
sorry everyone for not updating for days now, if you are following my posts on my page you will understand. I have to take care of my twin brother till he get well, probably today and tomorrow I will update, but the following days I will dedicate it to the health of my twin brother till he get better, by God grace.

I pray that God heal your brother. Amen

Healman:

Wishing your brother speedy recovery as well as sound health.

thank you, sir

gbosque10:

I pray that God heal your brother. Amen

amen, thank you sir

Elvictor:
sorry everyone for not updating for days now, if you are following my posts on my page you will understand. I have to take care of my twin brother till he get well, probably today and tomorrow I will update, but the following days I will dedicate it to the health of my twin brother till he get better, by God grace.

So very sorry brother. May he recover soonest.

unitysheart:

So very sorry brother. May he recover soonest.

I pray so too, thank you sir

Elvictor:
sorry everyone for not updating for days now, if you are following my posts on my page you will understand. I have to take care of my twin brother till he get well, probably today and tomorrow I will update, but the following days I will dedicate it to the health of my twin brother till he get better, by God grace.

Wishing him speedy recovery....

Wow! I didn't know you were a twin, I love twins so much!

Ayanfe29:


Wishing him speedy recovery....
Wow! I didn't know you were a twin, I love twins so much!

I am one oh! hope am in the list of the "I love twins so much"
in between we don't look alike, I don't know if the fire accident will.....

Elvictor:



I am one oh! hope am in the list of the "I love twins so much"

in between we don't look alike, I don't know if the fire accident will.....

My wife is a twin and her elder brother and sis are twins as well.

Elvictor:



I am one oh! hope am in the list of the "I love twins so much"

in between we don't look alike, I don't know if the fire accident will.....

Oh! Lol....yes you are o.

Guess you guys are fraternal twins then.

Which fire incident? I'm lost o

BTW, how is he feeling now?

Wishing him a speedy recovery IJN.. Thanks for the updates as usually.....

unitysheart:

My wife is a twin and her elder brother and sis are twins as well.

wow.. hope you haven't give birth to triplet already?

Ayanfe29:

Oh! Lol....yes you are o.
Guess you guys are fraternal twins then.
Which fire incident? I'm lost o
BTW, how is he feeling now?

he survived fire accident

Lakesc:
Wishing him a speedy recovery IJN.. Thanks for the updates as usually.....

thanks sir, just that I have to take care of him.. that is why updates are stalled.

BankyGee:

Other men, other men, other men


Wishing your bro quick recovery

thanks, boss... I never dedicate one update for you oohh!

i dey owe your presence big time

OGA LANDLORD 21+



Subtitle: Fu*ck Fakers.




Episode 116



Mama Iyawo: I no know any other men, na only Papa Iyawo dey service me *woman you lie*

Me: Papa Iyawo, oga you no suppose dey disgrace your wife like this. You no love Mama Iyawo.

Papa Iyawo: if I no love Mama Iyawo I for marry her? but wetin people dey talk about Mama Iyawo and other men dey break my heart.

Me: Papa Iyawo, since them don post you back to this state you no go get wahala to track the other men, but denying Mama Iyawo that thing you dey sponsor other men..

Papa Iyawo: na truth you talk, but Mama Iyawo get belle and I know say no be my pikin.

Mama Iyawo: how em no go be your pikin? you no remember say you knack last Month without condom *too much info*

Me: Papa Iyawo, aahh ahh! she never even born the pikin you don dey deny am, abeg go your house settle with your wife no bring her leg come outside.

Mama Iyawo: thank you, Oga Landlord.

Me: mba! is Honourable talk and do.

Papa Iyawo: thank you.

Both of them got up and left my room in peace, ona dey find who go scatter ona marriage no be me.
I slapped Ugochukwu who was snoring and sleeping like a dead man on the bed.

Ugochukwu: wetin na?! your area madmen no gree make I sleep for night, you no want my also sleep for day, may I know why?

Me: the why be say day don break and we suppose go governor house this early mormor for rally.

Ugochukwu: *he hiss* na that one make you land me that kind resounding slap?

Me: oga stand up abeg, I don go baf.

Ugochukwu: you dey tell me as your homo mate or wetin?

I ignored him and went inside the bathroom, I decided to check if there is still water in the tank because you can't trust these my tenants when there is power outage.
I switched on the shower and the thing only made sound and not even a drop of water leaked from the shower's big head.

I took two buckets from the bathroom and came to find Ugochukwu still lying on the bed, I woke him up.

Me: take?! *I give one of the bucket*

Ugochukwu: wetin I wan use bucket do?

Me: for exercise.

Ugochukwu: if I wan take build my body na with this weightless bucket?

Me: you go soon see wetin go give am weight, abeg stand up make we go fetch water.

Ugochukwu: you nofit pump water for stingy sake, which kind human being you be sef?

Me: economical being, stop to dey nag like pregnant girl, biko stand up.

I waited for him till he sluggishly got up and followed me, we went inside the compound of the yard and saw Papa Michael fetching water with his pot-belle forming canopy over the wall's mouth.

Papa Michael: aaahh! aahhh! Honourable, wetin you dey do with bucket?

Me: I wan fetch water na.

Papa Michael: just speak make water appear for your bathroom you go see water there.

Me: if na to buy fuel pump water for ona, you have failed.

Joseph stood at the entrance of the restroom hallway and looked around.

Joseph: who thief my water? I go kill person who thief my water?!

Everybody started bursting out of their room taking their positions at the corner of their doors awaiting the outcome.

Joseph: ona dey try me well well ohh! I go kill person for this yard.

Caleb came out of the bathroom with towel tied around his neck with boxer on his waist, he swung a bucket in his right hand.

Joseph: na you thief my water ehnn?!

Caleb: no be me oohh! this one resemble your bucket? *showing him the bucket he held*

Joseph: no be am, wetin I go do the person wey thief my bucket of water ehnn.. oh, heads go roll for this yard.

Caleb: na bouncer give him girlfriend your bucket water make she go baf.

Joseph: what!! Bouncer carry that useless ashewo give my hard earned bucket of water make she go baf, I go kill person wey bouncer..

He went to his room and slammed on the door, making vows upadan.

Ugochukwu: that guy go kill person today oohh!

Me: kill which person? that guy na chairman of CBA.

Ugochukwu: wetin be CBA?

me: chest beaters association.

One lady with towel tied around her body came out of the bathroom hallway and Joseph ran to her sighting his bucket.

Joseph: na you get mind take my bucket go baf?

Lady: how? na my bf give me this water my baf.

Mama Chi: naso ashewo them dey talk, them godey claim right when them dey at fault.

Jojo: if na me be Joseph I for do dash am one slap first!!

Joseph: you still dey talk!? ehhnn...

gbossaaa! everywhere quiet for yard to give some revere for the slap.

Jojo: wetin the girl do you wey you slap am?

Mama Chi: that nice girl wey be Bouncer girlfriend, Bouncer don kill you.

Joseph: wetin Bouncer fit do? I go break am if em try me, small body no be sickness oohh!

Bouncer's voice: who dey ask of wetin bouncer fit do?

Bouncer jumped from the passage with his breasts shaking, that one no be chest at all.
He was looking like small that can break somebody into two.

Ugochukwu: you get this kind person for this yard?

Me: and so? that guy nodey reason anybody for this yard matter.

The girl started crying she even ran to Bouncer and cried profusely in his arms.

Lady: baby, this guy here slapped and kicked my stomach?!

Joseph: see lie oohh! I no kick am oohh! na just small slap I slap am oohh! finish, Mama Chi shey you dey here?!

Mama Chi: I nodey abeg, make nobody call my name oohh!

Joseph: abeg Jojo talk truth.

Jojo: she don already talk everything, wetin remain again? abeg leave me oohh!!

Bouncer: Joseph, choose between mortuary and hospital because today you dey go one of them.

Joseph: abeg, I no know wetin enter me, I fit pay for the damages.

Voices: Nepa!! Them don bring light!!

Everybody started running upadan in the yard, Ugochukwu brought out the well bucket pouring back the water he had managed to fetch.

Me: make I go buy wetin we go chop.

Nobody dey even reason the fight betwixt Bouncer and Joseph, NEPA dey everybody mind.
I waka enter my room take one thousand naira from my pocket waka go Madam Cash store.

I reach her store come see her dey tell one fine girl with nice yansh how to arrange her goods.

Me: Madam Cash, good morning.

Madam Cash: Honourable, man of the people. I be wan even come see you, you scarce pass gold nowadays.

Me: hope say no problem.

Madam Cash: na better dey, you see this girl?

She motioned the shy girl to stand still, she asked her to tall and show me her backside and then front side.

Madam Cash: this one na the finest girl for my village, her fore-mothers marry governor, infact anybody wey marry from her family dey become governor overnight. You see this bre-asts? na governor's bre-asts be that, you know say she no go too cost because the governor spirit dey all over you.

Me: hiaa! this your advert format fear me oohh! so wetin you want make I do?

Madam Cash: you be small pikin, marry her for free, we go come take bride price when you don become governor.

TBC..

OGA LANDLORD 21+



Subtitle: Fu*ck Fakers



Episode 117




Me: ehhnn! Madam Cash, marriage no be business oohh.

Madam Cash: why you dey behave like small pikin? anything wey involve money na business.

Me: ona don share my present and future salary, I go think about am. Give me indomie four hundred naira own and three eggs.

Madam Cash: na now you come, Beauty give your future husband wetin him want?

Beauty: okay, aunty.

The girl went inside the big store while I stood outside waiting for my order, I turned my face to my yard side and saw Mama Iyawo coming towards the store.
The only provision store in the street, nobody wan compete with Madam Cash and I wonder why.

Madam Cash was whistling and arranging her goods on the big tables under the shade attached to her store.

Mama Iyawo: Honourable, na here you dey.

Me: yes oh, I come find my belle.

Madam Cash: aahh! Mama Iyawo, I don bring wife for ona landlord oohh!

The girl came out of the store with nylon bag that she have carefully arranged my order inside, I took it from her and she blush hiding away her face.

Mama Iyawo: na this fine girl?

Madam Cash: yes, I want make she marry ona handsome landlord.

Mama Iyawo: our landlord don get one fine girl wey him dey date oohh! you no know Veronica that Cynthia friend?

Me: Mama Iyawo, tell am oohh!

Madam Cash: ona be small pikin, she fit be second wife, rich man suppose marry more than one wife ask Solomon for bible.

Me: I no be Solomon.

I turned to my yard and started walking away, I went pass Madam Cash house gate and then walk further to my yard.
Mama Iyawo started calling me to stop from behind, I was very close to entering my yard.
I turned and waited for her, she came close.

Mama Iyawo: I been dey look for you, I even come knock for your door but your friend say you go buy something to eat.

Me: you see me for Madam Cash store, wetin happen this one you dey look for me?

Mama Iyawo: thank you, if no be you I for don commot from my husband house.

Me: you no need to thank me, but change nodey sleep around.

Mama Iyawo: I don already change, them don carry my husband come this state.

I went inside my room and met Ugochukwu watching movie, lying on the bed with both arms supporting his chin.

Me: you don baf?

Ugochukwu: I don baf finish, how far? wetin you buy?

Me: I buy indomie and egg, cook am make I go baf.

Ugochukwu: I no sabi cook, go cook that thing if you wan eat am.

Me: if you no sabi cook, roast am, if you nofit roast the indomie, fry am. Anyhow you do am, I go eat am I dey go baf.

I kept the nylon bag on the table and went inside the bathroom, I took my bath and rubbed my cream.
I sat on the bed and started smelling burnt smell from the kitchen, I come dey wonder wetin Ugochukwu dey do for kitchen.

Me: no burn this house oohh! *I shout*

Ugochukwu: *he shout back* relax! I dey toast indomie for you.

I waited for several minutes when Ugochukwu brought in two plates of hot indomie, he served them on the table.
I picked up the fork and timed the fish in it and chuk, brought it to my lips and then open my mouth.
So salty.

Me: you put salt for this thing?

Ugochukwu: only one spoon.

Me: one spoon of salt for this indomie? I nodey eat this thing oohh! do quick make we go Governor house so that I go eat for there.

I stood up and dressed up, he didn't finish the indomie.
If na another person cook am him stomach for don build another two bedroom flats to store food, he took the plates to the kitchen and we both headed to the car.

He took the wheel while I sat on the passenger seat.
My phone rang it was a call from the Governor confirming were we are, I told him we were on our way.

Me: shame dey catch me anytime I look you.

Ugochukwu: why?

Me: why you no sabi cook common indomie, shame nodey catch you?

Ugochukwu: cooking na women thing.

I ran out of words to even speak sense to the individual person driving the car, we were let in inside the governor's residence.
I nofit wait to fly enter inside the house and locate the kitchen, all my plans failed when I saw fleet of cars lined up about to move away from the residence.

The first car moved pass us in the large drive way, one of the car slowed down and I asked Ugochukwu to stop.
The car by the side of my car door mirror was brought down and I saw the Governor sitting at the back with the First Lady.

Governor: you are late, son.

Me: yes, father.

Governor: join us.

Ugochukwu didn't even wait for my opinion he sped down the drive way and then reversed in the open compound smiling, he joined the fleet of cars from behind and we followed the escort.

Ugochukwu: na your belle go tell you.

Me: if hunger kill me, em no go better for you.

Ugochukwu: hungry nodey kill anybody, em go only make your head big pass your body.

The worms in my stomach reminded me that I haven't eaten.

TBC..

Elvictor:


thanks sir, just that I have to take care of him.. that is why updates are stalled.

Take all the time u need sir, u deserves it... Thanks for d update

Elvictor:


wow.. hope you haven't give birth to triplet already?

I just want only one twins o.

My immediate younger sister gave birth to a twins, though.

Elvictor:

thanks, boss... I never dedicate one update for you oohh!
i dey owe your presence big time

Elvictor:


he survived fire accident

Hey ya... thank God for that o. So sorry about the fire accident. I hope he's healing gradually? Or fully healed right now?

Modified***"
Cash Madam wan bring two women prophecy to pass, God dey o!
I get small rice, HTnD, come and eat so that you go get strength deal with Ugochukwu

I really love ❤ this story so cool �