This is all about personality. I stay in ph. My bestie of 2017 just travelled to Lagos last year. Guess what? He have stop talking to me neither does he reply my chat. Just Ordinary Lagos oh.
it's just personality... Nothing much.

You did not know they are facing there some think anytime you chat that maybe you want to ask for money or help

SoccerUSA:
As much as I would not want to judge them.
Did you think checking on them in months is a filmsy exchange of chats?
I have things to do also don't make it look like I'm 'jobless' here

Don't take his post personal. Your friends are going through shit in US beyond their imaginary America pre-travel.

In another word, they are now facing reality abroad.

Mo ja e si ni ooo


Ire oooo

Mrcomputeru:
I am abroad, I have a few good friends in Nigeria, I still talk very well with the ones that understand i don't have enough yet because of expenses, but i have stopped chatting with those that continously ask for money with every opportunity they have, they ALWAYS complain about hard life, they dont care if I've even paid my rent sef

I can relate with you bro.

This is my predicament too,I was complaining to one of my uncle here and he said ,do the little you can and leave the rest cos some of those folks in naija are even eating good food better than you, or how can you explain my own sister asking for financial help and end up organizing birthday party in naija with my hard earned money?
I have blocked those that doesn't reason with me but only see me as financial messiah.

I can't come and kill myself.

Enjoy your day

Brother I agree they were never your real friend.. I have a friend that has traveled out over 5 years ago and we still talk like we're a stone throw away. A real frined won't ever ignore you. Just move on with your life

SoccerUSA:
As much as I would not want to judge them.
Did you think checking on them in months is a filmsy exchange of chats?
I have things to do also don't make it look like I'm 'jobless' here

Don't bother yourself bro. Who sees me, I see. Who text me, I respond. I can't be checking on anyone like dodo

Busy schedule plus the time zone are different. Like America is 7 hours ahead ( i think) of Nigeria. So, when you're awake, they are sleeping and when you're sleeping, they are busy round the clock with 5 to 6 jobs to be able to meet up with bills.

Nwaotu10:


You're very correct.

I had a friend that was commissioned into the army lately as a second lieutenant.
He no longer return my chats since he came out from training.

I respected my self and shove him off as well. Life continues!

The guy is just so funny cause when he should be proud is when he's attain the rank of a major or Lt.Col atleast

one thing I've learnt bout Life is Don't kick the ladder away that carried you up. The guy that helped me reach where I am today is a friend that never went to University, while I was in the university but I never looked down on him I would always even go to visit him at home and today after school who would ever believe he'll be the one to help me

You can see this life is indeed not balanced

You are talking of friends? What about brothers, sisters, uncles and aunts. If they can abarndon u, then who is friend.

I laff very very hard..when someone says ppl abadon good friends cuz one gats to huzle while one is abroad.....

Lemme ask,which set of ppl huzles more on legit Nigerians abroad or Nigerians in Nigeria.....

Guy ppl don't sleep we don't go for outings,beaches, friends gatherings or even party...till specific period in the year..and someone says its cuz they realized they GATS huzle in their nu environment...

I laff!.... Ppl abroad trying to form "focused"... Nonsense!

optimusprime2:


Hey I couldn't just ignore this post...
At first I wanted to be blunt and straight out savage in my response, but it ocured to me that your post was honest and sincere meaning you are not aware of certain realities that exist outside of Nigeria, especially outside African territory, so I decided to be very detailed in breaking down certain things for your understanding ...

1. Adjustment: moving to US means moving to a new way of life, new setting, system, culture, environment, norms and practices etc now these aforementioned factors differ starkly from what one is accustomed to in Nigeria, infact strongly sticking to Nigerian norms in US hinders one from integrating properly in the society and that makes one a cultural deviant and of course that blocks one out from opportunities inthe society ... so how can that be avoided? Simple... by adjustment, evolving to catch up, however the results turnout differently with different people, some completely reject the past and move on while others hold on to the past but still look forward.

2. New Associations: there's a saying, "bird's of a feather flock together" look, if you change location you are likely to build strong relationships with new people and these new people tend to make you see the world from their own view, now that has it's advantages and disadvantages...
It's likely they move on with the progression of new association, leaving the old associations behind or pay less attention to old association as it is of less relevance.

3. The reality of being an immigrant: look, no matter how bad Nigeria is, you can never be an immigrant in your own country, you still enjoy specific "privilege". However in the US as an immigrant, it's not the same... firstly you have to bust your butt 24/7 to keep your head above water, you see these things called bills? They are real, and they can end up haunting you, especially if one just arrived and one is still trying to figure it out. Your friends may not tell you of some jobs they are doing just to stay afloat, honestly some jobs that they may have looked down on in Nigeria could be what they do on the regular and they may not have that state of mind to keep up communication with you, because you have no idea of what they are going through... then again maybe they left to the US on a visit visa and the reality of being illegal has caught up... infact ... bros let's stop the explanation on this immigrant life, just know that being an immigrant anywhere in the world is not an easy thing, not many people make it out in one piece at the end of the day... and this point is actually the most important point.

4. Time difference: this may seem like a little reason but bro it creeps up on you trust me... especially when one is working hard to pay them bills. Being in some parts of the US puts you 6, 7 or 8hrs off Nigerian time and that really just knocks it to you at the end of the day that, you live on different worlds. Now some people come to that reality and move on, while others may still hold on to the home team, look it varies across different people but it is a real condition. Relationships have ended due to the reality that time difference is actually a spatial separation.

5. "The Naija factor": I had to put this here because I ain't gonna lie, once one leaves Nigeria, the problems of Nigeria become very visible, appalling and disgusting when viewed from another country (I call it the enlightenment phase) especially in a system where everything works, in fact you ask yourself how you got stuck in a backward oriented system for so long... some people respond by totally alienating themselves from Nigeria or anything that has to do with Nigeria ... including people. Sad, but true.

6. Cultural struggles: This one right here is real... it first hits you when you realize in the U.S. that your accent in a language you thought yourself fluent in, is un-understandable... some people take in that fact very hard, like they literally go through socialization again just to straighten out their accents, sometimes even food becomes a difficult situation, because some people are not used to American food, others literally bump into boyfriends or girlfriends that culturally format them... in essence, people stop associations with people who don't help them in achieving social integration etc so the response level for different people varies

7. Education and training: Nothing is as enlightening as education, and trust me that is usually obtained in the US quickly, merely living in the American society educates you.
Once one becomes enlightened, old habits tend to be dropped, including old friends with old habits... the only thing that solves this particular point is if you are also updating yourself with a similar sort of education or training that enlightens you on the same level, otherwise a gap too wide on that regard, is a gulf indeed.

There are many other reasons but I decided to pick a few major ones to let you know why your stated instance happens mostly.

Beautifully said! Some nigerians too Don't want to even assess themselves to see if they themselves were also good friends. That could be another factor too

SoccerUSA:
As seen in the topic, I have two friends that travelled to the U.S, One travelled 2014 and the other one 2017, though before they left we had a good vibes we were both close if not best friends before they left.

The one of 2014 stopped texting me at 2018 or so even when I wished him birthday wishes and same with the other. I knew this because I only texted them on Facebook and you will know when they read and not reply.

I don't hold any grudges against them though
Did you guys think it's normal? Like if I leave Nigeria, Would I also ignore my friends text even if they do not request anything from me?

Please can someone just explain to me so I won't see my friends (maybe former friends) as bad ones.

I do not think it is all friends that travel abroad that forgets their friends back home. However, some people start avoiding friends when they go their for various reasons. Some of those reasons are:

1. Immediately people travel abroad for job/hustling, some friends back home have found their ATM turning themselves to beggers before the friends. They will hardly call that friend just to know how he/she is faring. Any call to that friend will be to get something from the friend. That is tiring and may want to make the friend avoid the persons.

2. Some friends back home sometimes try to use their friends over there to complete their crime. Scammers and yahoo boys especially. Will want to used that friend particulars to obtain money from their victims. If you have a clear conscience and a legal hustle why will you want to continue picking the calls of such friends?

3. Sometime, there are issues of time difference depending on the country. Except you schedule time to call if you call somebody in the USA around 10-11am Nigerian time, he/she is likely to be sleeping and thus would not be able to answer you.

4. Strong work ethic in those countries could affect your communications too unless scheduled. Some employers in some countries does not tolerate wasting of their paid time for activities not related to what they paid for.

5. The feeling of not measuring up. Sometimes the picture painted to them before leaving Nigeria turns out not to be true. Thus, they start struggling and because they do not want people to know, they start avoiding calls and messages as it may bring out clues.

6. Some go there commit crime and get incarcerated. You as a friend will be the last thing he/she would think about except if he sense/believe you can render any kind of help.

I believe different individuals will have their own reasons. But as it is usually said, 10 friends cannot continue to be friends for 10 years. This is because there will surely be events, happenings and situations that will affect your plans,growth and aspirations.

SoccerUSA:

My story different sha, though it must be because I am not abroad.
Before he travelled we buy ourselves gift on our birthdays can be as little as you can afford. Fast forward to days or months he arrived the US comes his birthday so I created an amazon account gave him and told him to pick anything of his choice. I paid for them.
You won't believe the guy went back to order things. He claimed it was a mistake I couldn't get a refund till date he later blocked me on all social mediums when I texted him.
Not everybody wants their money I just want to have a genuine relationship with them.

Actually, he may not be lying about the Amazon order mistake. Let me explain how Amazon order work and such order mistake has happened multiple times in our family before. You said you created an account for him to order. He probably continue to use the account for future orders, and also most likely used his credit card, which would have been saved as well. Problem with Amazon is that any time one go back to make order, it automatically select the credit card that was used when the account was first created, as a preferred payment method or sometime it uses the last used credit card. After the first order, in fact, the payment system won't show you the step to select a payment method, you have to specifically go to the relevant page to select card you want to use in case you have multiple cards. Because we now use a single account in our family, I have ordered things before, and my spouse credit card was charged instead of mine. We have several credit cards in the account. Nonetheless, it's also possible that your pal took advantage of you. Who knows?

SoccerUSA:

I am not assuming or worried
I am just curious to know.

my brother living abroad is not as easy as we think back home in Nigeria. It is a place where for you to really survive in terms of paying your bills and mortgages,some people do nothing less than two jobs in a day, the only time they have is for them to sleep, do their laundry and groceries. You need to be there to know what I’m saying

SoccerUSA:
As seen in the topic, I have two friends that travelled to the U.S, One travelled 2014 and the other one 2017, though before they left we had a good vibes we were both close if not best friends before they left.

The one of 2014 stopped texting me at 2018 or so even when I wished him birthday wishes and same with the other. I knew this because I only texted them on Facebook and you will know when they read and not reply.

I don't hold any grudges against them though
Did you guys think it's normal? Like if I leave Nigeria, Would I also ignore my friends text even if they do not request anything from me?

Please can someone just explain to me so I won't see my friends (maybe former friends) as bad ones.

Don't mind em,they feel you will start begging for things from em,guy!,...you are better in your way,keep grinding and let em be...they feeling too big but remember they ain't God...Had same experience too,I just blocked em and cut em off then move on with my life...my destiny and theirs isn't tied together...Nigerians will buy iPhone and start feeling like they are above everyone else,Nigerians will travel abroad and forget those who stood by them all the while.....las las,we all go dey alrite regardless,it's only a matter of time....#peace.

SoccerUSA:


Please can someone just explain to me so I won't see my friends (maybe former friends) as bad ones.

I am one such person. As someone said earlier... you need to travel to get an understanding of why that happens. I believe if the person is in a big city... there will be even less communication. As for me... not too many 'friends'.... let's say 10 back home... I would be in constant communication with maybe 3.... let's say you are #5 on the list. Time is precious over here.... so much to do so little time... if you're not on it... you fall behind and things get worse. Friends 1 to 3 will give me an update on what's happening back home.... how friends 4 to 15 are doing.... who still looking for husband... who snatch who husband... who building house... cultists taking over the neighbourhood.... who doing well at school but finding it soo hard to maintain..... and at the end I'll say tell everybody I say hi!.....that's how I spend my back home allocation time! I see your Good Morning... how you doing... how is the weather.... have a blessed day.... and you know I saw it..... but it drains my energy to reply and start a back and forth ... and same to the others down to #15. Now you may be more likely to get a call from me on your birthday..... and then we can let tongues wag... but then... if you desperately grab that opportunity to fill my ears with lamentations... the convo will be over in a heartbeat! There are nany like me... we still have you in our hearts... but just don't show it to you as we should. Then we have made new friends.... and these ones being present will no doubt grab wayyy more time that you so far farrrr away.
Like a long distance relationship... just don't expect a long distance friendship to be the same.... expectations can lead to disappointments. Whenever the friend returns.... you will see that the bond of friendship has not been broken or ruptured.... he/she will always seek you out regardless of your status.
I spend all this time replying to you... who I don't know... yet to respond to those who I know by saying hi.... ehmmmm..... hmmmmm...... I'll get to them in due time! This is my relaxation time... I spend it here on NL.

What happens abroad is plenty. Allow them settle down before you start judging them. Some are going through things they can’t talk about publicly in order to get their stance in those foreign land. Telling some folks about their travails only for some of them to discuss their issues in beer parlor and makes jokes about it or use it against them is not necessary.
It’s better, they sort themselves out first, then they can now chat you or gist you when the travails are over if you still hang in there and be a good friend like you say you are.
Some friends don’t know boundaries and will want to ask you personal questions even on social media, not knowing the possibility of your friends account might be monitored and these people will implicate someone and ruin their plans whether intentionally or not.
Give people space to sort themselves Out first b4 you judge, then they will reach out.
It’s not a joke, it’s a matter of life and death and the stakes are usually very very very high.
Make it or fail miserably, if you have gone that far, seen prospects, you can’t afford to lose cos you wanna run your mouth with friends.
Best option is Silence till you make it.
My 2 kobo

Still don't get why its anyway; but I would have just love one of those in diaspora to really answer that.... The koko be say, we in Naija should hustle,,, once u were seen on media that you are doing well, they will have reason to reply or check on you

OP, you will not understand, until you leave naija.
Life abroad is not easy, but you see your cool cash if you are working legit.
Most of us here work 12hrs from 6am -6pm ( 8hrs +4 overtime), 6days in a week and you hardly have time for yourself let alone others.
I used to chat all my contacts, but they think I pluck money here, because if they ask I give.

@OP
Your friends may be judging you based on their experience with other Nigerians friends/ family members that think going to abroad is the same as going to heaven.

I know a few folks that have completely blocked all Nigerian friends contacts on their phones, simply because ENOUGH IS NEVER ENOUGH, especially among Naija chicks (aka the entitled chicks).

My advise for you is to simply let them be and focus on yourself and other friends that truly care about you.

SoccerUSA:
As seen in the topic, I have two friends that travelled to the U.S, One travelled 2014 and the other one 2017, though before they left we had a good vibes we were both close if not best friends before they left.

The one of 2014 stopped texting me at 2018 or so even when I wished him birthday wishes and same with the other. I knew this because I only texted them on Facebook and you will know when they read and not reply.

I don't hold any grudges against them though
Did you guys think it's normal? Like if I leave Nigeria, Would I also ignore my friends text even if they do not request anything from me?

Please can someone just explain to me so I won't see my friends (maybe former friends) as bad ones.

When you too port, let's see who you would remember.........

uboma:



I will like to know the country you travelled to because of the way you have murdered the English language. Which one be abroadian? Is there a word like that on the Dictionary?

By the way, you need to correct your thinking. Not ALL Nigerians at home are beggers. Not EVERYONE will ask a fellow Nigerian living abroad for money.

I do understand that sometimes, these persons need sometime (may take a longer time for others) to find their feet in the country they traveled to. Hence the continued silence on their part even when their families and friends at home are eager to hear from them.

The way some of una dey reason for this forum ehn, so na everybody wey travel abroad go learn English language?

Oga read and move on.

Petyprincess:
Actually those that stopped talking after traveling out were never your real friends!!
I could remember last two years my friend was traveling to Canada i actually thought he was gonna stopped talking to me nd as someone who is crushing on me but he surprised me
He told me when is flight is moving,countries his flight will be connecting nd told me to put him in prayers that he should land safely,he was so transparent with me from the day he started his visa application to when he finished his degree,from applying to work permit etc,everything literally with unlimited pictures,struggles,reality that your normal friends wnt tell you!!

I have couple of friends living in abroad that i dnt talk to because we were not so close when they were living in Nigeria,they know they can't even deceive me like gullible Nigerians that think life there is bed of roses.

Some of my friends wnt let my status rest because of their abroad based friends,you will be seeing something like "my Toronto baby" "please bring me something from Dubai o" etc

If they stopped talking to you,you should ignore them also!! you ignore me i ignore you simple!!

When he was crunching on you why don't you toast him by yourself.. I can see from your heart you really love him

Obinnau:
Don't judge them until you leave.
Abroad no be the same as Naija. Too much responsibilities and no time for flimsy exchange of chats

The irony of what you said up there is that it can be referred to as flimsy excuse

Baba u're likely to do same if you travel. Most times you wouldn't like to read and reply a simple "Hi" from someone you know because you already assumed you will get billed as usual

DICKstractor:
I have friends abroad

2 in china
1 in Dubai


We talk very well as far as there is topic to talk about. It just about personality. One thing I'm sure is that I can never ask any of them for money except they give me with their own free will

China sef na aborad? I didn't know o

MabraO:
See the long ass message my friend sent me on fb thank Hid they not the only one that can give excuse. My self find way to discard him..

They pursued people from there though truly, noticed a lot of traders seeking wares are no longer there. Maybe he is actually telling the truth.

SoccerUSA:


Thank you.
I understand
Real friends will always keep in touch no matter where they are.

You believe what you want to believe. Just try to be understanding. Someday you'll meet and their explanation might ease your pain.

otipoju:
First of all...the time difference. Some of my very stupid friends will be chatting or calling me at 2 am after I have explained severally that Nigeria is most times five hours ahead of me and it's best we talk on the weekends. Last last the whole talk will boil down to come and give me money.

Secondly... the mindset, the western world is not a laid back environment..you are constantly on your feet working to pay your bills and thinking of taking advantage of the next opportunity so you dont get left behind . "Abeg sir"no dey there if you fail to pay on the due date, you get a penalty fee which you must pay. If you dont they disconnect the service. End of story.

Compare this to Nigeria where men can chill every evening after work with beer or soccer and party every weekend until maybe 3 months to pay the annual rent then you begin hustle the money to pay rent..and can owe nepa for 9 months sef. If dem cut light,you tap from your neighbour.

Lastly most Nigerians just want to beg for money whether they are in need or not. Some if you dare give them once dem go open office for your head. Them no get shame and na to dey carry real and imaginary problem come every month or three months. No self respect...when you compare that begi begi mindset with that of the west where everyone is self dependent you'll understand why your friends or relatives eventually ghost you.

I have a relative who will be sending me prayer and happy new month messages. Every 3 month he will always have one problem or project that needs support.

Recently I decided to borrow him money instead of the usual give. 3 weeks turned into three months. Na so so excuse every month. Not paid back one kobo.

Last week the person had the guts to send the proposal of a business plan along with voice note that he needs my support. Meanwhile there is a group that we are both on that he does not know that I am on as well that where he was suggesting to them that they contribute money for independence day party.

I just shook my head and blocked his number.

My guy you're so on point.
Although I'm still in Naija but I totally agree with you.

I've got relatives in the US and yet for me to even ask them for money is harder than looking for a needle in a haystack. That's because I know it's not easy out there and we all should respect ourselves.

God bless bro

In a typical Nigerian environment, you meet people and make friends in most social construct; from school to religious gatherings, bars, and friends who became friends through other friends etc. Many are more of social acquaintances than friends but we categorise them under the "friend" umbrella. I have a few of these set of people.

When you leave Nigeria, you're left with your own devices in a new environment where you have to figure your way in finding your ground, this self actualisation process can be daunting and the last thing you want to do is chatting with people who are probably not even as close to you. I figured when these people finds out you've left Nigeria, they tend to want to tighten the connection with you a lot more.

During the first few months to a year of leaving Nigeria, my Facebook inbox was flooded with messages until I deleted my account on Facebook. I'm definitely not a snub by any stretch but where's the time to sit behind a laptop to chat with people when you're trying to actualise your strategic goal of leaving the country? It's a totally different climate here. I left Nigeria over 9 years ago and had to start University education all over and I'm not ashamed or shy to turn down any financial favours because I'm a student.

I still keep in touch with close friends and family and the relationship hasn't changed one bit but I guess the reasons why Nigerians in diaspora don't really connect with people back home may be partly or wholy relatable to my reasons. Although I'm not excusing the fact that some Nigerians in diaspora are plain snubs and arrogant.

If you have a friend that turns every conversation to billing, tell him you don't plug money on trees over there, let him or her know that there is no money.

When you give or make it look like everything is fine and you're living large what do you expect?

If you're not always chance, tell them the time difference and let them know you're always busy.

That's all.