Divanona:
Eight years ago, with tears in my eye, I held his hand, begged him to stay with me that we will struggle together and succeed, but he refused. He walked away living me pregnant. Now, he's back without anything.

We were friends from the University, I graduated before him because I was studying a 4years course. The very first time, we tried to take our relationship serious was after my graduation. We had s.e.-x for the very first time and I became pregnant.
The truth is, the guy have always been good to me throughout my stays in school.
I remembered that day he sacrificed his school fees for mine so I could be able to do my final clearance. But when I became pregnant, he walked away after convincing me to keep our baby.
I went through everything all by myself.
Since last year, he has been apologizing on phone, so last week, I asked him to come. He traveled down to my place. Without being afraid of anyone harming him from my family, he believed in me and came. He's around in my family house, staying in my brother's room for the past 3days.
He has opened up everything to me, my family members and have apologized.

now, I'm so confused with my life.

He couldn't graduate, he had problem in school after I left and all this years, he has been struggling, but now he wants to take responsibility and be with us, but he had nothing. No certificate, except diploma which he later did from another school, no job, no place of his own to stay. He had nothing. He wants us to get married and have a family.


I feel I'm about to add more burden to my already stressed life.
The only positive thing here now, is the excitement my son is having seeing his father and the relationship they're building.

A part of me wants to see this guy have a great life and have direction and not see him live like this, even if I don't settle down with him. because when I meant him, he was kind, a good person, he had dreams, vision and good plans.
But living us alone all this years, with all his explanations, I'm not contented.

Another part of me is confused, afraid and I feel ishould push him away and let him go back to his life and keep moving with my son because I don't have the strength to shoulder all these.

Please matured mind in the house, what do you have to say? This is my life and it's getting more confused.
What would you advise? What should I do?
I don't want to make more mistakes.

Sorry for my lengthy write-up

..hmmm ma'am u really need to sit down nd think very well before accepting him o, dont forget he left for good 8years..if everything is going well he wouldn't cum back.. Samething that's happening to me now, I got preggy after school nd d father of child denied nd abandon me, he has bn begging me since last year even the parents called to beg me I told m not angry but the fact is I'd b alone than to be with him because he left when I needed him now he went to different places nd they told him to go beg me because things aint going well but I knw nothing about his probs.. I heard he is doing juju to have me back, believe my heart, mind body nd soul cant forget the hell I went tru I almost lost my life.. My dear don't fall � for him send him back forget what he did for u,, nothing can justify the fact that he left when u needed him.. Stand strong for your child nd be happy. If u can help him pls do but don't accept him o, u might regret it.. Men are very cunning.. U need to wise up nd stop being fool..u can't trust someone that left u for good 8years oo..what if he's planning to use you or your child for money � ritual.. If he loves you he won't leave u for 8years.. Please don't fall for his lies o

pocohantas:


Oh it is, because this scene keeps replaying in reality. That is why if you go to churches, it is always one preaching or the other, teaching women how to ENDURE. In fact, the ultimate test of a virtuous Nigerian woman is how much bullshit you can endure for the longevity of a marriage. No one encourages men to take such bullshit from women, I for one have never seen. There is a new name for men who try such endurance - SIMP.

I don’t do religious hullabaloo, OP’s whatever he is, needs to fix his life. Nobody in the village is holding him. I don’t know your village, but no one is in mine currently. We only gather festive periods...

Lol, you know our society can never be America or Europe, and Europe can never be like Nigeria no matter how enlightened or exposed or traveled we become, we will remain Nigerians.


Every nation, every society is built around beliefs, and these beliefs comes from their traditional cultures and religion.

In Nigeria, men are taught from when they were boys to believe that what makes a man is ability to provide adequately for your family and loved ones, and also offer them protection...while women from girlhood are taught to believe in submission and like you said endurance, that doesn't mean Nigerian women are worthless to the American or European woman who is not taught to believe in submissiveness to her husband and endurance in marriage. It all boils down to tradition, culture and beliefs.

To the topic in discussion, the Op's boyfriend need prayers, not because his village people are on his trail, nope, but he may have walked some spiritually dirty path while in school or even when he abandoned the op, do you know the cursing words op and her family might have released upon him when he abandoned her These things work. Our words are powerful, I am a witness to the power of spoken words.


I am not even a born again, I am just a Sunday Sunday church goer. For your info, I once believed in metaphysics, went too far into studying it, followed NASA journeys, UFOS, and all those stuffs, and I have lived with Hindu people, so I am not just the typical religious Nigerian like u may have thought....the guy need to go back and fix his life first because if the op is my sister, he won't dare near our community talk more of family house.


I am a guy also, I have done bad things too, but I always go with my head anywhere I go to. When I was dead broke and didn't know where my future was headed, I avoided women completely and the few times I had sexual contact with ladies as a broke guy, I played very safe because I hated the idea of unwanted pregnancy when I was koboless....it scared me so much that I once wore double condom

So it baffles me how broke guys who ought to be focused on how to fix their financial life still find so much pleasure and time in chasing ladies and doing unprotected sex when they cannot even buy diapers

I completely agree with you, someone is on this table and has 4yrs to 30. I'm just waiting back to see what the next 5yrs will start to look like.

franchasng:
it is not about men dear, I am a man, it is about this Op's boyfriend; he needs serious deliverance and prayer.


Take it from me, the guy joined cult in school and couldn't graduate because of his cult activities, I know guys like him, and now they are living a regretful life after many years.


Whatever future one enjoys in life is mostly built before one turns 30yrs.


Any wrong step one takes between the age of 20 and 30yrs usually last for a lifetime unless God intervenes specially to glorify his name for a reason.


The guy followed the wrong path of life, he need to free the lady instead of adding more burden on her already heavy burden.

I only pity the innocent child in this whole thing.


Ladies and gent, please always use a condom please. Sex is sweet even with condom, stop fvcking raw

Divanona:
Eight years ago, with tears in my eye, I held his hand, begged him to stay with me that we will struggle together and succeed, but he refused. He walked away living me pregnant. Now, he's back without anything.

We were friends from the University, I graduated before him because I was studying a 4years course. The very first time, we tried to take our relationship serious was after my graduation. We had s.e.-x for the very first time and I became pregnant.
The truth is, the guy have always been good to me throughout my stays in school.
I remembered that day he sacrificed his school fees for mine so I could be able to do my final clearance. But when I became pregnant, he walked away after convincing me to keep our baby.
I went through everything all by myself.
Since last year, he has been apologizing on phone, so last week, I asked him to come. He traveled down to my place. Without being afraid of anyone harming him from my family, he believed in me and came. He's around in my family house, staying in my brother's room for the past 3days.
He has opened up everything to me, my family members and have apologized.

now, I'm so confused with my life.

He couldn't graduate, he had problem in school after I left and all this years, he has been struggling, but now he wants to take responsibility and be with us, but he had nothing. No certificate, except diploma which he later did from another school, no job, no place of his own to stay. He had nothing. He wants us to get married and have a family.


I feel I'm about to add more burden to my already stressed life.
The only positive thing here now, is the excitement my son is having seeing his father and the relationship they're building.

A part of me wants to see this guy have a great life and have direction and not see him live like this, even if I don't settle down with him. because when I meant him, he was kind, a good person, he had dreams, vision and good plans.
But living us alone all this years, with all his explanations, I'm not contented.

Another part of me is confused, afraid and I feel ishould push him away and let him go back to his life and keep moving with my son because I don't have the strength to shoulder all these.

Please matured mind in the house, what do you have to say? This is my life and it's getting more confused.
What would you advise? What should I do?
I don't want to make more mistakes.

Sorry for my lengthy write-up

Don't accept him back, except you want to mess up your life. He may disappoint you again.

Take it to the Lord in prayer. He played you, he has nothing but I have a young widow here as my neighbour, the husband was ok financially but death came.

He might jerk towards a glorious future, he might not.

The problem is that we have so many lazy youths looking for quick cash, you never can trust anyone.

Pray, watch and find out his plans.
How is his character? Is he teachable? Meek and humble?

Who are his friends? Is he a truthful person or does he love lying?

Look, money makes marriage to be Sweet but an arrogant, cheating money bag is death.

Kindly pick a piece of paper, write out your fears while praying, remain with God till you get your answer, Jehovah speaks peace.

As per your son, he is free to interact with him, it's a good one.

It is well with you.

It is your decision to make
But before going into sexual contact with him, ensure he does STD tests and you should confirm same.

Secondly, forgive him even if you re not going to stay with him. Forgive him from bottom of your heart. You will see things will start moving well for him. What he needs is your forgiveness and blessings.

For issue of marriage, no for now until he gets his feet.

Zzor:
Obviously you still want him,have him all you want if you care less about money and comfort and ready to add more burden to your already stressed life as you rightly put it ,what has he been doing since all these years he abandoned you thats what you should be most concerned about.You are not his mother,let him go and find solace abi wetin sef with his family,thats why I hate all this school love,i can't count stories of heartbreaks that I've heard and seen.If you are strong enough to carry him along,do so but if you know you don't have the capability,please tell him to go stay with his family first.hmmm I have been looking for stories like this to read here since,it is well madam op

.Am sorry I was trying to quite Op.

Hmm you have not told us his relationship with God thats all matter most. Then every other thing will fall in place. It is not too late for him, he can still make it up. Education is not everything, nevertheless it is not too late for him either he can still further his education. You have just told us how serious he is when he was in school and the kind of dream he has . Yes shit do happens. And he has explained everything to you. Remember it can happen to anybody. Right now he needs your assistance, all the love you been claiming you loved each others, it is now time for you to put it into practice. Do you know that this person can become a billionaire tomorrow. Tomorrow is pregnant and nobody knows what it will deliver. The ball is now in your court. Finally remember also the joy of your son.

This is my conclusion. Does he fear God? That' is if you too fears God. Can he make a good husband? Does he have a dream and a future? Has he learned from his mistakes? If your answer is yes from the questions above. Then go ahead and marry him, that's if you have the capability to do so. Forgive and forget. And move on with your life. No matter the level of his education, he can still get something to do even if it is business support him in any area you can even financially. God bless you.

Talk to Jesus, He alone has all the answers. Cheer up

Jamean:
Child aside, I'm shocked she still has the same taste in a man as of 8-10yrs ago. The lady has obviously not levelled up.

Why u dey talk like this. Don't u know she is after one? Men do see such ladies as liability ...they don't normally have high taste ....they settle for who's ever willing to accept them with their son

Divanona:
Eight years ago, with tears in my eye, I held his hand, begged him to stay with me that we will struggle together and succeed, but he refused. He walked away living me pregnant. Now, he's back without anything.

We were friends from the University, I graduated before him because I was studying a 4years course. The very first time, we tried to take our relationship serious was after my graduation. We had s.e.-x for the very first time and I became pregnant.
The truth is, the guy have always been good to me throughout my stays in school.
I remembered that day he sacrificed his school fees for mine so I could be able to do my final clearance. But when I became pregnant, he walked away after convincing me to keep our baby.
I went through everything all by myself.
Since last year, he has been apologizing on phone, so last week, I asked him to come. He traveled down to my place. Without being afraid of anyone harming him from my family, he believed in me and came. He's around in my family house, staying in my brother's room for the past 3days.
He has opened up everything to me, my family members and have apologized.

now, I'm so confused with my life.

He couldn't graduate, he had problem in school after I left and all this years, he has been struggling, but now he wants to take responsibility and be with us, but he had nothing. No certificate, except diploma which he later did from another school, no job, no place of his own to stay. He had nothing. He wants us to get married and have a family.


I feel I'm about to add more burden to my already stressed life.
The only positive thing here now, is the excitement my son is having seeing his father and the relationship they're building.

A part of me wants to see this guy have a great life and have direction and not see him live like this, even if I don't settle down with him. because when I meant him, he was kind, a good person, he had dreams, vision and good plans.
But living us alone all this years, with all his explanations, I'm not contented.

Another part of me is confused, afraid and I feel should push him away and let him go back to his life and keep moving with my son because I don't have the strength to shoulder all these.

Please matured mind in the house, what do you have to say? This is my life and it's getting more confused.
What would you advise? What should I do?
I don't want to make more mistakes.

Sorry for my lengthy write-up

Before you push him away. First of all, have a deep conversation, tell him about your fear and the rest, let him explain himself and both of you can look if there is any hope or anything he can take off.
After that, let your own family weigh-in, possibly invite his own family to also see if anything is possible.

Then you can make a final decision.

Sorry for whatever you went through.

pocohantas:
Stay there and be doing mumu love. Men always looking for fixers like you.

After moving upandan like evil spirits in their youth, when they are old and broke- they will now come back to that virtuous woman. Same thing you see in marriages. Womanize in youth, come back to their wives with Nigerian used penis and damaged internal organs. Your work will now be to cook vegetable soup without pepper and spices. You will also learn to turn wheat and pound unripe plantain for him.

Ndi virtuous women. I don’t blame him, na you I blame. 8 fcking years... Pfftttt!!




Very annoying something.

Is it funny ladies that can't fix a regular meal presume themselves to be fixers of men, most ladies on kitchen thread can't fix even moimoi, won fe fix man we are talkin beta women modern women sef dey show.
FIY no human can fix the other expect he/she is willing & ready to change, that women presume they are fixers is never men's fault.
You are so clouded in your delusion you forget men early stage & end stage is not the same with women, most men struggle & rarely have much in there early stages ... men are made & more attractive in there middle age, i.e a man's wealth grow as he grow no retrogression.
You think you are clever, we all know its women that have a whoring phase, it also women that dump struggling guys to LovePeddler around then later come back when the man is made, everytime you mention damage kidney, what happens to wives with breast cancer or fibroid, or are you saying only men av stroke & other ailments.
Whatever a woman decides to be, virtuous, babymama or olosho men stands to be favourable beneficiary. if been a bitch pays more tonto ,toke & co suppose don beat omotola achievement afterall they av all d time in the world.

Jamean:
I completely agree with you, someone is on this table and has 4yrs to 30. I'm just waiting back to see what the next 5yrs will start to look like.

it is well.

Any young person reading this should listen, your future is built between the age of 20 to 30yrs. Whatever decisions you make between these period will determine how your future and entire life would look like except God intervenes.


Don't waste away your youthful age.

Don't ever think you are too young to make great choices or decisions. Whatever you wish to be, start from when you are 20yrs to build yourself around that dream and goal, don't wait.


If you are a lady, please chose your boyfriend wisely oh and if you must have sex, always use protection, having a child out of wedlock as a young girl can slow your life's progress and movement.


Guys please stop thinking about marriage on an empty stomach and pocket, till the soil, you must not wait till you get a job before you kick start your life. You can start something small and grow from there. Don't be shy to do any legal job or business or handwork that fetches you legitimate money please.


I am speaking from my personal life. I have seen it all. I passed through a lot so I am in a position to speak to young people on this.


I didn't wait for Shell jobs, when my dream jobs refused to come, I worked so hard and God helped me to break even and those organisations that never noticed me started to offer me what I daydreamed to have back in the days.


There are plenty money to be picked on the streets of Nigeria oh, don't dull yourself, you don't need a masters degree to pick these gold coins. I am done

Eriokanmi:
Firstly, I blame the guy for allowing himself to he fooled. He's not the only foolish one we have around. There are many more like him in this generation. As a student being fed by his parents, how could you have sacrificed your parents' sweat for a girl you're not even sure would be your wife in future? The consequence of that is what he's facing today. Some parents go through shiit before gathering school fees for their wards. The guy needs to beg God for forgiveness first so he could have a sense of direction and his life restored. He has offended his parents greatly. He must go back to his parents so they could pray for him otherwise, his life could be like a snake who passes through a rock without a trace.

If you want to make it in life, don't put women in your mind. Focus on your career first and other things would follow. Now degree certificate, he no get life, he no get. No woman would want to settle down with an irresponsible man nowadays. Despite the sacrifice made , this woman still doesn't want to settle down with him. What if came with goodie bags and wealth? For the sake of sacrifice, the woman should just accept the guy. Shebi he has told her what he's been doing for 8 years while they were apart. Afterall, certificates aren't a path to wealth. World billionaires in our generation have proved that. He's educated. He even earned a diploma certificate. That alone is ok. The woman should just dare the consequences and endure hardships. It won't be for long as she has also said he had a vision.

Imagine she is your daughter?

seek d help of a true man of god.to help u on dis one.

What is the meaning of OP?
People use it alot on this platform but I don't know the meaning. Can someone please tell me?
Thanks in advance.

That's scarcity mindset you guys used to make single moms and ladies in general short change themselves and settle for duties and men who can't provide and protect.

I have seen single moms and young widows get married ahead of single ladies

greggng:



Why u dey talk like this. Don't u know she is after one? Men do see such ladies as liability ...they don't normally have high taste ....they settle for who's ever willing to accept them with their son

seek d help of a man. of God.to help you on dis one. before you make any decision.

debbydams:
..hmmm ma'am u really need to sit down nd think very well before accepting him o, dont forget he left for good 8years..if everything is going well he wouldn't cum back.. Samething that's happening to me now, I got preggy after school nd d father of child denied nd abandon me, he has bn begging me since last year even the parents called to beg me I told m not angry but the fact is I'd b alone than to be with him because he left when I needed him now he went to different places nd they told him to go beg me because things aint going well but I knw nothing about his probs.. I heard he is doing juju to have me back, believe my heart, mind body nd soul cant forget the hell I went tru I almost lost my life.. My dear don't fall � for him send him back forget what he did for u,, nothing can justify the fact that he left when u needed him.. Stand strong for your child nd be happy. If u can help him pls do but don't accept him o, u migrt..

the lord will be your strength

Las las na penis go settle the matter

Divanona:
Eight years ago, with tears in my eye, I held his hand, begged him to stay with me that we will struggle together and succeed, but he refused. He walked away living me pregnant. Now, he's back without anything.

We were friends from the University, I graduated before him because I was studying a 4years course. The very first time, we tried to take our relationship serious was after my graduation. We had s.e.-x for the very first time and I became pregnant.
The truth is, the guy have always been good to me throughout my stays in school.
I remembered that day he sacrificed his school fees for mine so I could be able to do my final clearance. But when I became pregnant, he walked away after convincing me to keep our baby.
I went through everything all by myself.
Since last year, he has been apologizing on phone, so last week, I asked him to come. He traveled down to my place. Without being afraid of anyone harming him from my family, he believed in me and came. He's around in my family house, staying in my brother's room for the past 3days.
He has opened up everything to me, my family members and have apologized.

now, I'm so confused with my life.

He couldn't graduate, he had problem in school after I left and all this years, he has been struggling, but now he wants to take responsibility and be with us, but he had nothing. No certificate, except diploma which he later did from another school, no job, no place of his own to stay. He had nothing. He wants us to get married and have a family.


I feel I'm about to add more burden to my already stressed life.
The only positive thing here now, is the excitement my son is having seeing his father and the relationship they're building.

A part of me wants to see this guy have a great life and have direction and not see him live like this, even if I don't settle down with him. because when I meant him, he was kind, a good person, he had dreams, vision and good plans.
But living us alone all this years, with all his explanations, I'm not contented.

Another part of me is confused, afraid and I feel ishould push him away and let him go back to his life and keep moving with my son because I don't have the strength to shoulder all these.

Please matured mind in the house, what do you have to say? This is my life and it's getting more confused.
What would you advise? What should I do?
I don't want to make more mistakes.

Sorry for my lengthy write-up

Most men feel inadequate when they don't have money, it's probably the reason he left in the first place plus, he seem not to be ready for what happened then when you got pregnant.

The probability is that he's coming back because he may have felt deserting you is responsible for his not being able to move ahead in life and that if he doesn't connect back with you his situation may remain the same. Please note also that, when people have being battered by the experience of life, they may not have too much energy left to push more till things turn around. They may need encouragement from people close to them, helping them to boost their confidence again that life can still turn around.

I suggest you ask him what his plans are, help to try and figure out if there's something he can find doing and then build up from there. It is only if you see he's not willing to work that you can let him go.

Ybaby:


Imagine she is your daughter?

my God will always provide for me according to His riches in gory as promised so, I'd continue to shoulder my responsibilities as father. She'd not lack pocket money, talk less of school fees or anything which could tempt her. The story, if true and not made up, e get comma

Jamean:
I'm literally rolling on the floor laughing
There's even Oat meal swallow now
I have relatives on this table

Lol. They always know all the healthy options for the returnee horseband.

SegFault:

That's my problem with a lot of women, lack of strong resolve, once you hold those kind of women's mumu button, e don be. If I have a daughter we have some real training to go through.

I wonder when they will learn to make HEALTHY compromises. Imagine bringing in an absentee father to start living in her parents house. Lol! Such a virtuous woman!! Alfa males delight

My advice is that you should be careful. Once beaten, twice shy! You better think of yourself first, put your peace first. It shouldn't be hard to make a decision after that.

The baby can have a relationship with his father without you and him getting married or even having a relationship!

Eriokanmi:
my God will always provide for me according to His riches in gory as promised so, I'd continue to shoulder my responsibilities as father. She'd not lack picket money, talk less of school fees or anything which could tempt her. The story, if true and not made up, e get comma

Zzor:
see comments from men,women have really suffered in this life,lets picture the whole thing the other way round, you can imagine the kind of comments you will read from these same men.

He sacrificed his school fees for the lady,why are you ignoring that part?

AnonymousRebec:
What is the meaning of OP?
People use it alot on this platform but I don't know the meaning. Can someone please tell me?
Thanks in advance.

opener

Liposure:
opener

Oh really. Thanks

he has com to test your loyalty,ability to sacrifice for your family and whether your love for him is tied to his wealth.
i tell you, that young man is a millionaire in disguise. 8years with nothing to show for it sounds contracdicting to the guy that had a clear path, plan and vision when you guys were still undergraduates.

Notatribalist:
He sacrificed his school fees for the lady,why are you ignoring that part?

Abeg, forget that one. If he sacrificed school fees should she now come and sacrifice her peace and make her life more stressful than it already is. Abeg oo. Make she help the guy from a distance.

ZedicusZurZoran:
he has com to test your loyalty,ability to sacrifice for your family and whether your love for him is tied to his wealth.
i tell you, that young man is a millionaire in disguise. 8years with nothing to show for it sounds contracdicting to the guy that had a clear path, plan and vision when you guys were still undergraduates.

Super Story

Dear, it's so pathetic you saw yourself in this dilemma and confusion state,this is life for you with all it's uncertainties.
Well,I don't how how factual the story is but judging from your version of it,i think the dude really loves you ,suffice to say;for a man to sacrifice his school fees for you which eventually led to his inability to make it out of the same school,to me this is more like someone who really cares for you,now the fact that he abandoned you in your condition when his care and attention was needed mostly, isn't a sign that he is wicked or bad,I guess everything was borne out of hardship and frustration, just put yourself in his shoes and try to understand the situation, there's nothing he could have done as he was frustrated so the easiest way to stay sane was to be away ,trust me that was why he left not that he is mean.When you are faced with such a challenge where all hope seems to be lost,no helper anywhere,you could do the same thing ,just to sort yourself first so,in my own opinion,since he has a diploma and is physically fit,let him use it apply for some jobs,raise some money,you too can assist in your own little way,ease some money,then venture into any good business you can manage with passion ,save up something tangible to upgrade your lives then finally legalize your union if you two still love each other.
If not for anything,for your son and for the sake of love ,do this,give him a second chance,team.up with him and I believe with little time ,everything will be fine so long you guys remain planted in God the source of everything