merieam16:
@ Op, first of all he never loved u forget all these sacrifice of school fees he did during school.Some people do some certain things to get favour in return. Secondly, he remembered u because he needs solace nd he knows u will accept him

My advice is dont start what u cant finish and if u feel u can finish it, just av @ d back of ur mind dat he will leave wen he' back 2 his feet

Just help him d way u can nd be careful baby number 2 might be loading...

You're devil, if you don't know what to say just shut up , evening news paper

U see problem u wan embrace am, u av moved on, match forward

Divanona:
Eight years ago, with tears in my eye, I held his hand, begged him to stay with me that we will struggle together and succeed, but he refused. He walked away living me pregnant. Now, he's back without anything.

We were friends from the University, I graduated before him because I was studying a 4years course. The very first time, we tried to take our relationship serious was after my graduation. We had s.e.-x for the very first time and I became pregnant.
The truth is, the guy have always been good to me throughout my stays in school.
I remembered that day he sacrificed his school fees for mine so I could be able to do my final clearance. But when I became pregnant, he walked away after convincing me to keep our baby.
I went through everything all by myself.
Since last year, he has been apologizing on phone, so last week, I asked him to come. He traveled down to my place. Without being afraid of anyone harming him from my family, he believed in me and came. He's around in my family house, staying in my brother's room for the past 3days.
He has opened up everything to me, my family members and have apologized.

now, I'm so confused with my life.

He couldn't graduate, he had problem in school after I left and all this years, he has been struggling, but now he wants to take responsibility and be with us, but he had nothing. No certificate, except diploma which he later did from another school, no job, no place of his own to stay. He had nothing. He wants us to get married and have a family.


I feel I'm about to add more burden to my already stressed life.
The only positive thing here now, is the excitement my son is having seeing his father and the relationship they're building.

A part of me wants to see this guy have a great life and have direction and not see him live like this, even if I don't settle down with him. because when I meant him, he was kind, a good person, he had dreams, vision and good plans.
But living us alone all this years, with all his explanations, I'm not contented.

Another part of me is confused, afraid and I feel ishould push him away and let him go back to his life and keep moving with my son because I don't have the strength to shoulder all these.

Please matured mind in the house, what do you have to say? This is my life and it's getting more confused.
What would you advise? What should I do?
I don't want to make more mistakes.

Sorry for my lengthy write-up

They already told him to come and beg you cos that's the genesis of his problem. Tell him to go back to his family and go find something to do of he want you guys to marry . Please tell him that you have forgiven and forgotten all that he did but he must bring something to the table if he wants to marry you .

You can also follow your mind as regards this matter

Divanona:

My dad is late. He would have been in the best position to help me decide this

It's your life, better decide and decide well

pocohantas:
Stay there and be doing mumu love. Men always looking for fixers like you.

After moving upandan like evil spirits in their youth, when they are old and broke- they will now come back to that virtuous woman. Same thing you see in marriages. Womanize in youth, come back to their wives with Nigerian used penis and damaged internal organs. Your work will now be to cook vegetable soup without pepper and spices. You will also learn to turn wheat and pound unripe plantain for him.

Ndi virtuous women. I don’t blame him, na you I blame. 8 fcking years... Pfftttt!!




Very annoying something.

it is not about men dear, I am a man, it is about this Op's boyfriend; he needs serious deliverance and prayer.


Take it from me, the guy joined cult in school and couldn't graduate because of his cult activities, I know guys like him, and now they are living a regretful life after many years.


Whatever future one enjoys in life is mostly built before one turns 30yrs.


Any wrong step one takes between the age of 20 and 30yrs usually last for a lifetime unless God intervenes specially to glorify his name for a reason.


The guy followed the wrong path of life, he need to free the lady instead of adding more burden on her already heavy burden.

I only pity the innocent child in this whole thing.


Ladies and gent, please always use a condom please. Sex is sweet even with condom, stop fvcking raw

I never read comment he travelled outside the country or just left u and was in the country cos na two different scenario . If e no travel out ha that one na very irresponsible man you give woman belle leave am

pocohantas:
Stay there and be doing mumu love. Men always looking for fixers like you.

After moving upandan like evil spirits in their youth, when they are old and broke- they will now come back to that virtuous woman. Same thing you see in marriages. Womanize in youth, come back to their wives with Nigerian used penis and damaged internal organs. Your work will now be to cook vegetable soup without pepper and spices. You will also learn to turn wheat and pound unripe plantain for him.

Ndi virtuous women. I don’t blame him, na you I blame. 8 fcking years... Pfftttt!!




Very annoying something.

Oh my Gosh, you're so experienced.

1StopRudeness:


The ego of a man should prevent him from coming back empty after 8years ...
he’s desperate, I have a strong feeling he wants to use her or the kid for rituals....

wow, another angle

E say na saviour complex It's Bob the builder syndrome

oseoji:


@Divanona
Your sole focus should be on making yourself great not someone else .Are you allergic to greatness?

I know I'm being blunt but you seem to have a Saviour complex towards him while you've not even managed to sort out your own life.

I understand he is the father of your son and you mean well but you should have a look at your priorities and learn to put your wellbeing and that of your child first.

He's an adult ,he can be in the life of his son while sorting himself out without being an additional strain to you.

If you want to marry him just to give your son his last name,that's solely your choice and not a problem but you can't turn back and start crying about suffering.

Why did he not graduate? What positive thing does he have to give his son now? Emotion doesn't solve problems, logic solve them. Be rational and think through.

abouzaid:
If this story is real, don't hesitate to accept him back, not only do you have a child for him but he's the devil that you know. He sounds like a solid guy too. That he walked out on you then might be because he has too much on his mind then. I did just that after graduating with extra year, family financial problem and many other things going on then.I just dropped everything and everybody and focused on myself then. It wasn't a bad decision. I guess many Nigerian young men are prone to such early life crisis.

WOULD YOU SAY THIS SAME THING IF IT WAS THE OTHER WAY ROUND?

When we tell una say falling in love with your course mate or class mate no dey get future una no dey hear.

A boy in final year still has a long way to go in life , whereas a girl in year 2 is almost set.

franchasng:
it is not about men dear, I am a man, it is about this Op's boyfriend; he needs serious deliverance and prayer.

Oh it is, because this scene keeps replaying in reality. That is why if you go to churches, it is always one preaching or the other, teaching women how to ENDURE. In fact, the ultimate test of a virtuous Nigerian woman is how much bullshit you can endure for the longevity of a marriage. No one encourages men to take such bullshit from women, I for one have never seen. There is a new name for men who try such endurance - SIMP.

I don’t do religious hullabaloo, OP’s whatever he is, needs to fix his life. Nobody in the village is holding him. I don’t know your village, but no one is in mine currently. We only gather festive periods...

Jamean:
E say na saviour complex It's Bob the builder syndrome

Many women are like that. That is why you see some with bad boys. It is not like they love bad boys, they are obsessed with being the woman who makes a bad boy good. Deluded creatures spending their youth and energy on the wrong man. Later they’ll start crying...

Well no advice can really help this situation I will advice you follow your mind or your brain rather cos your heart ain't gonna pay the bills

U sure say guy man never make money but want to confirm one or two things by pretending to be poor

You think its easy to suffer abi? Tell him to get a means to sustain him self first ooo and if you want to do the do with him as you are now Mummy to him go and do tests ooo to know if he doesn't have any STDs . And if they ave not use his destiny to pound soap. Are you sure their is no other lady somewhere with a child for him? Abeg too much questions. Where are his family self? You better think well if not you will just old and be looking after 2 children.

You got pregnant for him and he asked you to keep it. And went away. Since then he hasn't come back untill now after eight years.
He came back and returned with nothing. No certificate no job no money no properties. Honestly he has problems. And it seems even his own family can't help him. You are the one to help him. God knew why the two of you came together, He knew he would have problem. But the angel He sent to him was you, still Satan tried but he never miss you.
I'll advise that you take him back. He only needs prayers and counseling now.
But try and ask him about his family first. Maybe there were family issues and turbulences that affected him. From there you can have some idea of what actually happened to him.
One thing that many women don't know is that, some women have been ordained to lift up their men and bring out the actual need from their men. It means what and that you need from you man may not be available when you meet him, you are the one to help him and bring out that from him. That's how God made the fortune of some women.
It's only the few that will meet their men the way they want. Some will have to help their men achieve and bring out what they want from them.
In this case, the guy needs help. But your family must ask him some questions before you accept him. But please don't push him away.
And whatever that happens next, try to get back to us here on this platform and see what happened after we all offered our advices.

LilMissFavvy:
You haven't mentioned the reason he abandoned you, what reasons did he give? Truth is, life is a risk. Yes, he made you pass through a lot and you are now a single mother. He came back begging with empty hands, if you decide to stand by him, be prepared because it will not be easy. So are you ready to suffer all over again? If yes, then take him back. If no, then push him out. My only warning is, whatever you chose, never ever let him have sex with you, except he completes your marriage rites. Frustrate him sexually and never give in no matter what. He does not deserve you.

I like your words untill it get to frustrating him sexually ...you want konji to kill both of them .? The only area i am bothered about is that the young man has no means of livelihood otherwise she would 've accepted him and the sort out things together

If he could put another one through your legs, he is on the bounce again. Be careful n b sure how many of your kind he has out there.

Protect your mental health

Please be very careful on how you open up to him, that include accepting him back. You might be seeing the same Image you use to know but a different person entirely. He might just put up what he know you use to know about him:may still be that kind and gentle but you own yourself to protect yourelf from further trouble.
Come to think of it, is he marrying you now just because of the child you had for him or because he finds you as a life line? How about if you have been married to another man?
How can a man whom suppose to have graduated 6-7 years ago come to your house empty handed and still feel comfortable around you, and further telling you he want to marry you. I think you yourself need to check yourself.
I think you have already accepted him back, all what you are asking for now isn't just advice is more of approval. I don't see anything too much of him giving you his school fees when it is obvious that you needed it more, you would have done the same for him. I felt you just said that to make people thread on same line with what you have already decided, accept him back.
If things were well with him, would he have thought of you? The answer is 70per cent no. If things were well with him, won't he have been married to another woman?
I understand what single mother go through, which include not getting right suitor on time, but that shouldnt make you fall for anything including your confused baby father. My final words to you is that use your brain, and use your tongue to count your teeth.

Divanona:
Eight years ago, with tears in my eye, I held his hand, begged him to stay with me that we will struggle together and succeed, but he refused. He walked away living me pregnant. Now, he's back without anything.

We were friends from the University, I graduated before him because I was studying a 4years course. The very first time, we tried to take our relationship serious was after my graduation. We had s.e.-x for the very first time and I became pregnant.
The truth is, the guy have always been good to me throughout my stays in school.
I remembered that day he sacrificed his school fees for mine so I could be able to do my final clearance. But when I became pregnant, he walked away after convincing me to keep our baby.
I went through everything all by myself.
Since last year, he has been apologizing on phone, so last week, I asked him to come. He traveled down to my place. Without being afraid of anyone harming him from my family, he believed in me and came. He's around in my family house, staying in my brother's room for the past 3days.
He has opened up everything to me, my family members and have apologized.

now, I'm so confused with my life.

He couldn't graduate, he had problem in school after I left and all this years, he has been struggling, but now he wants to take responsibility and be with us, but he had nothing. No certificate, except diploma which he later did from another school, no job, no place of his own to stay. He had nothing. He wants us to get married and have a family.


I feel I'm about to add more burden to my already stressed life.
The only positive thing here now, is the excitement my son is having seeing his father and the relationship they're building.

A part of me wants to see this guy have a great life and have direction and not see him live like this, even if I don't settle down with him. because when I meant him, he was kind, a good person, he had dreams, vision and good plans.
But living us alone all this years, with all his explanations, I'm not contented.

Another part of me is confused, afraid and I feel ishould push him away and let him go back to his life and keep moving with my son because I don't have the strength to shoulder all these.

Please matured mind in the house, what do you have to say? This is my life and it's getting more confused.
What would you advise? What should I do?
I don't want to make more mistakes.

Sorry for my lengthy write-up

You are already stressed and living with your family (since he is staying in your brother's room).

if he wants to be a family with you and your son, he has to PROVIDE & CONTRIBUTE

No matter the "love" you may feel, raising a family cost money, you don't sound like you have much to begin with.

he has to find something doing, he has a family, father & mother, he should stay with them and build something to offer you and his son.

Abi he wants to continue living in your brother's room??

this is my number one problem with Nigerian women, lack of a strong resolve. If na me I go send you commot from my house, if you like take me to court, I will make sure I disgrace your stupid head. What nonsense? Some idiot, leaves me with a child and comes back as empty as kom kom and is telling me to accept him, if to say I be your brother I for beat am throw am commot.

TinubuGoQuench:


WOULD YOU SAY THIS SAME THING IF IT WAS THE OTHER WAY ROUND?

Leave am. Misogynists dey fear this kind thread like mad.

I'm literally rolling on the floor laughing
There's even Oat meal swallow now
I have relatives on this table

pocohantas:
Stay there and be doing mumu love. Men always looking for fixers like you.

After moving upandan like evil spirits in their youth, when they are old and broke- they will now come back to that virtuous woman. Same thing you see in marriages. Womanize in youth, come back to their wives with Nigerian used penis and damaged internal organs. Your work will now be to cook vegetable soup without pepper and spices. You will also learn to turn wheat and pound unripe plantain for him.

Ndi virtuous women. I don’t blame him, na you I blame. 8 fcking years... Pfftttt!!




Very annoying something.

Divanona:
Eight years ago, with tears in my eye, I held his hand, begged him to stay with me that we will struggle together and succeed, but he refused. He walked away living me pregnant. Now, he's back without anything.

We were friends from the University, I graduated before him because I was studying a 4years course. The very first time, we tried to take our relationship serious was after my graduation. We had s.e.-x for the very first time and I became pregnant.
The truth is, the guy have always been good to me throughout my stays in school.
I remembered that day he sacrificed his school fees for mine so I could be able to do my final clearance. But when I became pregnant, he walked away after convincing me to keep our baby.
I went through everything all by myself.
Since last year, he has been apologizing on phone, so last week, I asked him to come. He traveled down to my place. Without being afraid of anyone harming him from my family, he believed in me and came. He's around in my family house, staying in my brother's room for the past 3days.
He has opened up everything to me, my family members and have apologized.

now, I'm so confused with my life.

He couldn't graduate, he had problem in school after I left and all this years, he has been struggling, but now he wants to take responsibility and be with us, but he had nothing. No certificate, except diploma which he later did from another school, no job, no place of his own to stay. He had nothing. He wants us to get married and have a family.


I feel I'm about to add more burden to my already stressed life.
The only positive thing here now, is the excitement my son is having seeing his father and the relationship they're building.

A part of me wants to see this guy have a great life and have direction and not see him live like this, even if I don't settle down with him. because when I meant him, he was kind, a good person, he had dreams, vision and good plans.
But living us alone all this years, with all his explanations, I'm not contented.

Another part of me is confused, afraid and I feel ishould push him away and let him go back to his life and keep moving with my son because I don't have the strength to shoulder all these.

Please matured mind in the house, what do you have to say? This is my life and it's getting more confused.
What would you advise? What should I do?
I don't want to make more mistakes.

Sorry for my lengthy write-up

Have you even asked yourself what if he gets you pregnant and abandon you again Think abt that.

My questions would be if he is truly aware of the pains he caused and deeply sorry for them?

If his life had turned better, would he have remembered you or he has tried all he could but still failed and knowing you have a soft spot for him because of the child between you decided to exploit it and leach on you?

Find out the above and make your own decisions because las las you alone know what you truly want and will be the one to reap whatever outcome.

Good luck

Eight whole years!

He abandoned you and now he's back?

Why?

Because things are not working well for him!

My sister, eight whole years!!!

What if you had married someone else

Will he come back?

See, never marry someone out of pity.

My candid advice: avoid him.

He'll do the same thing tomorrow.

You don't deserve such a man.

Forget about his school fees sacrifice back then in school.

Don't see marriage as a way of helping him back.

If you must help him, give him some money if you have.

Look for relationship books on marriage and read.

Nairaland is not the right place to seek relationship advice.

Even me don't take all I say.

Consult a relationship counselor also. Don't say you don't have money. This is your life! Your future.

Do the right thing.

God bless you.

pocohantas:


Oh it is, because this scene keeps replaying in reality. That is why if you go to churches, it is always one preaching or the other, teaching women how to ENDURE. In fact, the ultimate test of a virtuous Nigerian woman is how much bullshit you can endure for the longevity of a marriage. No one encourages men to take such bullshit from women, I for one have never seen. There is a new name for men who try such endurance - SIMP.

I don’t do religious hullabaloo, OP’s whatever he is, needs to fix his life. Nobody in the village is holding him. I don’t know your village, but no one is in mine currently. We only gather festive periods...




Many women are like that. That is why you see some with bad boys. It is not like they love bad boys, they are obsessed with being the woman who makes a bad boy good. Deluded creatures spending their youth and energy on the wrong man. Later they’ll start crying...

That's my problem with a lot of women, lack of strong resolve, once you hold those kind of women's mumu button, e don be. If I have a daughter we have some real training to go through.

Zzor:
see comments from men,women have really suffered in this life,lets picture the whole thing the other way round, you can imagine the kind of comments you will read from these same men.

Theme alpha male

Child aside, I'm shocked she still has the same taste in a man as of 8-10yrs ago. The lady has obviously not levelled up.

Zzor:
from her post, she has entered express already ,but she has to reverse back with immediate effect