₦airaland Forum

mariahAngel:
Maybe he believes things went wrong for him because he abandoned you and his son, therefore he's back to "make things right"

Well, Trust in God and lean not on your own understanding.
In all your ways (decisions) acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths

You are always careful with what you type all the time, I'm sure your boyfriend is a nairalander, it's just a matter of time before i fetched him out.My eyes on you

Zzor:
You are always careful with what you type all the time, I'm sure your boyfriend is a nairalander, it's just a matter of time before i fetched him out.My eyes on you

How do you mean?

Listen to your inner voice and walk away..very far away from him. He’s insecure, possessive and manipulative and nothing good can come out of such a relationship.

You’d definitely get another man who will love you and your son better.

Wahala for who wan marry.

Zzor:
You are always careful with what you type all the time, I'm sure your boyfriend is a nairalander, it's just a matter of time before i fetched him out.My eyes on you

Oshey!!! CID

UjuJoan2:
He abandoned you when he had it all good . . .

He came back expecting to see you dejected and tattered (as per 'after-one'); unfortunately, you were better off than he left you, with lots of admirers and suitors . . . .

He decided to tie you down so your happiness will be forever dependent on him . . . . .

That man will not make heaven!!!

Marry him if you MUST, but don't completely depend on him. Always maintain your independence in the marriage so he won't have the opportunity to step all over you again.

You concluded all in your head, Okay .

I-waited-for-my-abroad-based-fiance-but-he-didn't-return-with-enough-hard-currency....now-the-simp-is-acting-all-clingy-and-possessive-even-kneeling-several-times-to-apologize-to-me...his-insecurities-and-weakness-irritates-me-and-i-have-no-respect-nor-love-for-him...is-being-my-sons-father-enough-reason-to-marry-him-or-should-i-consider-other-simps-that-are-equally-interested-in-getting-married-to-me-despite-having-another-mans-child....there's-this-particular-dude-that-has-been-very-caring-and-supportive-all-through...i-cheated-with-him-on-few-occasions-even-though-i-hate-to-admit...i-did-it-for-the-sake-of-my-son...our-wedding-has-been-slated-for-January-but-i'm-scared-and-confused...i-need-experienced-advice-from-single-mothers-and-babymamas-in-the-house...tenk-you

Op, Sorry. U Abt To Get Marry To A Jealous Lover.

Deardoveylove:
The truth is, I desire to marry him because we already have a child together. I love the relationship between him and our son. I want to have a peaceful family. But everything went bad when he traveled out and decided to stay mute without supporting me. I would have gotten married to someone else all along, but my dad wouldn't let me. He's of an opinion I must marry the father of my son.
He's back, not doing well financially. He has explained all that happened, appologied and everybody still wants him for me. He's been so committed and caring since he came back. we're preparing to get married by January, but the issue is this,

I'm confused.

We are always having disagreement and each time we had, I can't seems to forget all the bad ways he treated me in the past.
I always emphasize it to his face. Severally times, he would go down on his knees and appologies over and over again.
Yet, I can't feel that love in me.
Secondly, he don't want me associating with my friends.
These are people who were there for me all through the time he left, especially my male friends. Who always buy gifts for my child. The last time. My ex bought a wristwatch for my son from US, he personally hide it and wouldn't let him use it.
He calls me more than 20 times a day. That alone drives me crazy.
He's always calling to know where I am, who is with me and who calls me.

He always wants to be around me. No breathing space at all as if I'm going to run away.
I can't even have my life outside him anymore.
The last time we had an argument, I told him I can't marry him, I saw his reaction.
He behaves as if there's a diamond in me he needs to own.
I feel scared sometimes. I don't know if this is love or something else.
He has been away all this years, while all these just of a sudden.

I'm confused, once I marry him, we're married forever and I don't want to make mistake.

How, what should I do to make him stop acting all he's doing? He act as if he's in competition with all the men in my life.

Experienced people in the house please, advice.

The handwriting is crystal clear on the wall, he's not a husband material, he won't be a good father to your son as well.

He's just a SPERM DONOR.....If you marry him, it ll surely end in premium tears and sorrows

The truth is, I desire to marry him because we already have a child together. I love the relationship between him and our son. I want to have a peaceful family. But everything went bad when he traveled out and decided to stay mute without supporting me. I would have gotten married to someone else all along, but my dad wouldn't let me. He's of an opinion I must marry the father of my son.
He's back, not doing well financially. He has explained all that happened, appologied and everybody still wants him for me. He's been so committed and caring since he came back. we're preparing to get married by January, but the issue is this,

I'm confused.

We are always having disagreement and each time we had, I can't seems to forget all the bad ways he treated me in the past.
I always emphasize it to his face. Severally times, he would go down on his knees and appologies over and over again.
Yet, I can't feel that love in me.
Secondly, he don't want me associating with my friends.
These are people who were there for me all through the time he left, especially my male friends. Who always buy gifts for my child. The last time. My ex bought a wristwatch for my son from US, he personally hide it and wouldn't let him use it.
He calls me more than 20 times a day. That alone drives me crazy.
He's always calling to know where I am, who is with me and who calls me.

He always wants to be around me. No breathing space at all as if I'm going to run away.
I can't even have my life outside him anymore.
The last time we had an argument, I told him I can't marry him, I saw his reaction.
He behaves as if there's a diamond in me he needs to own.
I feel scared sometimes. I don't know if this is love or something else.
He has been away all this years, while all these just of a sudden.

I'm confused, once I marry him, we're married forever and I don't want to make mistake.

How, what should I do to make him stop acting all he's doing? He act as if he's in competition with all the men in my life.

Experienced people in the house please, advice.

It is obvious you have been having sex and developed feelings for one or two of your male friends and believe there is a lot to gain, why stick to him in marriage? He also noticed these stuffs.

Do what pleases you at this time, but do not complain when things turn sour from your actions. Cheers

All the men in your life?? Why have so many men in your life? That is exactly what is making you confused because there is and will always be comparism. Just drop the so many men and focus on him or let the young man be, abeg!

Relationships are not always that Rosy. So stop thinking there's an angel somewhere better than your baby daddy. It's almost the same experience everywhere. It now depends on how well you're able to manage yours wisely and make it work.

Give him a chance but if you feel the love is no longer there, quit.

Deardoveylove:
The truth is, I desire to marry him because we already have a child together. I love the relationship between him and our son. I want to have a peaceful family. But everything went bad when he traveled out and decided to stay mute without supporting me. I would have gotten married to someone else all along, but my dad wouldn't let me. He's of an opinion I must marry the father of my son.
He's back, not doing well financially. He has explained all that happened, appologied and everybody still wants him for me. He's been so committed and caring since he came back. we're preparing to get married by January, but the issue is this,

I'm confused.

We are always having disagreement and each time we had, I can't seems to forget all the bad ways he treated me in the past.
I always emphasize it to his face. Severally times, he would go down on his knees and appologies over and over again.
Yet, I can't feel that love in me.
Secondly, he don't want me associating with my friends.
These are people who were there for me all through the time he left, especially my male friends. Who always buy gifts for my child. The last time. My ex bought a wristwatch for my son from US, he personally hide it and wouldn't let him use it.
He calls me more than 20 times a day. That alone drives me crazy.
He's always calling to know where I am, who is with me and who calls me.

He always wants to be around me. No breathing space at all as if I'm going to run away.
I can't even have my life outside him anymore.
The last time we had an argument, I told him I can't marry him, I saw his reaction.
He behaves as if there's a diamond in me he needs to own.
I feel scared sometimes. I don't know if this is love or something else.
He has been away all this years, while all these just of a sudden.

I'm confused, once I marry him, we're married forever and I don't want to make mistake.

How, what should I do to make him stop acting all he's doing? He act as if he's in competition with all the men in my life.

Experienced people in the house please, advice.

This story resonates so well.

He can't change .You can never change a grown man, you can only learn to tolerate. He's possessive and would be manipulating and controlling.
When confronted about his monitoring attitude, he will claim its because he loves you. He will also manipulate you to do away with close friends that help you, even ur family members. (He might claim that once you are married, its you and ur family) Never fall for that, else you will be at his mercy even when he maltreats you.

My dear you will never be independent of taking decisions. He would complain you are not carrying him along and that's why he wants to know every bit of ur move- to be in control.

There is avery thin line between love and hate and when he abandoned you, you crossed dat line. If you agree to marry him, you will always recall the hurt. If care is not taken, it will cause resentment from you towards d relationship and unfortunately, you don't av a control over that feeling. And that's why you don't feel any love for him even when he apologizes about his past.

Now to your future, do you want to endure your marriage just because he's ur sons father and society expects u to marry him or you really want a happy marriage with someone you love?

Its up to you to decide. I will say, Let him go... Life is too short to be married and be unhappy in it.

Peace!!!

It's not love, it's something else..i can't say here cos mine is stalking me even on Nairaland.

What's it with you and these male friends that you speak of?
The guy is toxic, you ought to let him go but this doesn't mean that you would find a better person.
Focus on a steady and tangible source of income, cut distractions from male friends and don't expect anyone else to raise your son for you.

Aunty, you already dont want this man again, so call it quit, from what you said its obvious he loves you and dont want to lose you, you came here talking about him, did you tell us about yourself? A man that impregnated you canot just change on you, you must have done somethings to trigger the change in behavior, eg keeping your exs around you, .no man will know his girll is communicating with her exs that will have rest of mind, we should be advising the guy not to even marry you beacuse, he will surely regret it

kalufelix:
I-waited-for-my-abroad-based-fiance-but-he-didn't-return-with-enough-hard-currency....now-the-simp-is-acting-all-clingy-and-possessive-even-kneeling-several-times-to-apologize-to-me...his-insecurities-and-weakness-irritates-me-and-i-have-no-respect-nor-love-for-him...is-being-my-sons-father-enough-reason-to-marry-him-or-should-i-consider-other-simps-that-are-equally-interested-in-getting-married-to-me-despite-having-another-mans-child....there's-this-particular-dude-that-has-been-very-caring-and-supportive-all-through...i-cheated-with-him-on-few-occasions-even-though-i-hate-to-admit...i-did-it-for-the-sake-of-my-son...our-wedding-has-been-slated-for-January-but-i'm-scared-and-confused...i-need-experienced-advice-from-single-mothers-and-babymamas-in-the-house...tenk-you

neatly reframed..thank yoy

laborious:
Aunty, you already dont want this man again, so call it quit, from what you said its obvious he loves you and dont want to lose you, you came here talking about him, did you tell us about yourself? A man that impregnated you canot just change on you, you must have done somethings to trigger the change in behavior, eg keeping your exs around you, .no man will know his girll is communicating with her exs that will have rest of mind, we should be advising the guy not to even marry you beacuse, he will surely regret it

What would triggered a man to abandoned his child for yrs and come back for appologies. Even if I did something to triggered him from your point of judgement?
If I had bad character, well, I didn't beg him to come back that I have changed. Why did he come back?
I wish he can make use of your advice and go and tell my Dad that he don't want to be with me. It would have settled everything.

Chiquitq:
What's it with you and these male friends that you speak of?
The guy is toxic, you ought to let him go but this doesn't mean that you would find a better person.
Focus on a steady and tangible source of income, cut distractions from male friends and don't expect anyone else to raise your son for you.

I've done that already.

yvelchstores:
It's not love, it's something else..i can't say here cos mine is stalking me even on Nairaland.

My thought too

CalliDora1:
All the men in your life?? Why have so many men in your life? That is exactly what is making you confused because there is and will always be comparism. Just drop the so many men and focus on him or let the young man be, abeg!

Relationships are not always that Rosy. So stop thinking there's an angel somewhere better than your baby daddy. It's almost the same experience everywhere. It now depends on how well you're able to manage yours wisely and make it work.

Give him a chance but if you feel the love is no longer there, quit.

Although I don't have any (inti..ma.te) relationship with them. But I have limited communication with everyone.

My confusion is based on the past experience. I can't trust him.

My imagination is always telling me.
''what if I marry this guy, believe and trust him, let go of the people that care about, get pregnant again and he hurt me again''?

What will I do?

@op, all you need right now is TOTAL forgiveness.
All you said about him is because you can't trust him.
There's no better man out there. The devil you know is better than the angel you don't know.

Nija men have sentiment for single mothers. In real life, they wouldn't want to marry you and care for your son o.

Make it work dear.
All the best

Deardoveylove:
Although I don't have any (inti..ma.te) relationship with them. But I have limited communication with everyone.

My confusion is based on the past experience. I can't trust him.

My imagination is always telling me.
''what if I marry this guy, believe and trust him, let go of the people that care about, get pregnant again and he hurt me again''?

What will I do?

Change that imagination. Think positive

Deardoveylove:
My thought too

you are better off on your own. And when you say you want out and he sees you mean it, he will drag you to the lowest.... He will lie against you in attempt to ruin you.

When you say no, the camouflage will come off and his real self will show. Be sure you are in a safe place as you expect the worst. Pray as you need God's protection and guidance.

missdivineprove:
@op, all you need right now is TOTAL forgiveness.
All you said about him is because you can't trust him.
There's no better man out there. The devil you know is better than the angel you don't know.

Nija men have sentiment for single mothers. In real life, they wouldn't want to marry you and care for your son o.

Make it work dear.
All the best

there is a better man out there, his name is Jesus. It's not a must to be with a man and be suffering in silence.

Chiquitq:
What's it with you and these male friends that you speak of?
The guy is toxic, you ought to let him go but this doesn't mean that you would find a better person.
Focus on a steady and tangible source of income, cut distractions from male friends and don't expect anyone else to raise your son for you.

where can I get you a cold malt?

Deardoveylove:
Although I don't have any (inti..ma.te) relationship with them. But I have limited communication with everyone.

My confusion is based on the past experience. I can't trust him.

My imagination is always telling me.
''what if I marry this guy, believe and trust him, let go of the people that care about, get pregnant again and he hurt me again''?

What will I do?

If you keep entertaining these fears, then you'll never have a healthy relationship with him. Just let go of the fear of the unknown and be hopeful that everything will turn out well.

my pastors wife said, marriage is like a parcel. You won't know what it holds until you open it. So, marriage might be a different ball game for you and work in your favor Contrary to your dating experience just like it changed for some who had the best relationship only to end up badly in marriage. This life is a twist.

In all, seek Gods face and ask him to lead you aright.

Shalom.

mariahAngel:
Maybe he's truly changed for your dad to insist you marry him.
Besides, your dad doesn't want a messed up, confused life for you, so it's best you listen to your father.
What I've observed is that you haven't truly forgiven him, that is why you take every chance you get to hurt him for what he did, and that resentment is what is holding you back.

exactly, u have spoken my mind, infact i was forced to quote ur comment becuz i didn't want 2 say anything b4. @op please listen to this person advice

He didn't answer you when he was abroad, you complain. He now answers you, you complain. Women! Fear them

MONEY247:
Keke drop me here.....
Elders......We have an issue at hand

Nagode!

SweetCunt97:
Red flag. Your dad sef get wahala. What if this one doesn't give u peace of mind cos believe me it will get worse after I do. Men who exhibit such trait could b dangerous.

That he's ur baby daddy does not mean you'll marry him.

Chaiii, omo if i catch that your sweet cunt and bad ass lasan, i go mishandle am like weyrey!!!!!!!!!

Meteng:
He didn't answer you when he was abroad, you complain. He now answers you, you complain. Women! Fear them

are you ok at all? when has women become an object that you answer at your convenient?

yvelchstores:
you are better off on your own. And when you say you want out and he sees you mean it, he will drag you to the lowest.... He will lie against you in attempt to ruin you.

When you say no, the camouflage will come off and his real self will show. Be sure you are in a safe place as you expect the worst. Pray as you need God's protection and guidance.

Noted