₦airaland Forum

dejol88:
You ended a relationship because of his father insisted that marriage has to be conducted in the Catholic church, but okay to settle for a Muslim assuming he was not married.
My sister, na you play your self.

QuintessentialW:
Exactly.

Heartbrokengirl:
I have always hated the idea of dating married people, but here I am...the ex-girlfriend of a married man.

It started sometime during the lockdown, I went somewhere to get groceries and ran into this man. Let’s call him Mr X. His smile and sense of humour was the attraction. He was putting on a nice senator material and when I stood for us to leave, he towered above me. I am a 6ft tall lady and ladies with my height can tell the happiness when you meet a taller man.

We started chatting regularly and we were in a competition to give ourselves treats. On our second date which I initiated, I asked his age and he replied 36, he asked mine and I told him. He expressed his doubts and I showed him my drivers license. Started asking many questions about my background and I answered all of them. I asked about him too, including his marital status.

I had just gotten out of a relationship, his father said he wouldn’t marry outside the Catholic church and he started drifting, I had to let him go. It was tough for me, but after months of keeping to myself, my friend encouraged me to go on dates and give another man a chance. I decided to give Mr X a chance.

It was beautiful. We were in a competition to please ourselves, take ourselves out and we both had a healthy sense of humour...chatting was fun!!! Everywhere we went, people stared. We were all over ourselves even in public and till date I wonder how he pulled that off.

One day his office had a party and he asked if I could come, I said yes. Got there and the guys were looking at me with lust, the ladies were looking at me with pity. He said the ladies were jealous of my looks and some of them have been crushing on him. If you see him and see me, you’ll understand why this explanation made little sense.

After the party that day, it was late to go back to my house and his house was farther, so we decided to book a hotel around. That night was our most intimate night. We kissed, he gave me leg massages, a head and said he is ready when I am ready. I was blown away. Could this be real?

I always noticed he would be lost in thoughts whenever we are together and blame it on work. Other times he will start feeling sick and I would have to close earlier to go give him food and drugs. This became a regular occurence until one day…

He had fallen sick as usual. I made him promise to take pain relievers and we should consider going to the hospital. He didn’t do this and I had to make out time within the week to go check on him. He said it is because he was missing me, how sweet!

He didn’t get better, it was obvious something was bothering him. I decided I will take him for lunch so we can talk about it, but he couldn’t wait. That night he said he has something to tell me, he kept apologizing but still couldn’t say it. He asked if he could send a voice note and I told him to go ahead.

At about 3mins into the voice note, I felt my world crumbling. He told me he was married and has been married for almost 10years with kids. His family was not in the country, that is why I never saw traces of them. He said he had been battling with the guilt and was scared to tell me because some other girl left when she found out and the last was with him for money. He knew I would leave and was scared, his best friend told him to give it time, another told him to ghost me but I have been good to him and his conscience won’t let him. Other friends said he should never mention it to me.


When my friend saw him, she told me he was going to hurt me. I asked her how and she said I was too innocent for him. She didn’t say further not to be termed hater, but since he made me happy again...she wished me well.

I kept replaying the audio while he kept asking me to say something. I wondered if he treated his wife the way he treated me. He was such a gentleman. Held my hands when I had to walk in heels, opened the car door for me, checked on me at work, gave me handmade customized gifts...he made them himself. He said his wife is bad and he wants divorce her, lolz. I told him they all say that. I told him how much he has hurt me, but I forgive him and appreciate him telling me when he did.

It has been almost 3months but the pain lingers. I know I will be fine…

uncleck:
You see, why I said he's a good man is because men have superior thought process. He could have led you on if he had wanted. He could have made you change to a stupid being if he had wanted. Even if you suspected him, he could still have had his way. But he chosed not to rush you in sex even when it was obvious he could have his way as much as he wanted. He choosed to not hurt you more and ended it.

He is ignorant because he doesn't know that if he had opened up to you during one of your initial dates, you could still have liked him. Women are simply emotional and devoid of logic.

Zzor:
I believe you are wiser and better now, but were you expecting his family members to give you a clue, no they won't except they have some weirdo like me among them lol ,just be very careful next time and build a strong wall around yourself, so strong that whoever succeeded in breaking that wall will eventually be your man.Just be very careful, and keep your distance from that man, even if his marriage will break make sure you are not the reason. God bless you.

Heartbrokengirl:
I didn’t end a relationship. Seems Nairalanders do not read. His father didn’t insist we marry in Catholic church, the father insisted he marries a practicing catholic. He started ghosting me and I got the message.

I don’t want to sound stereotypical, but the married guy is the average Yoruba muslim. Traits of Christianity and Islam in one person.

Romanoff:
You are not the only one to have fallen for a man who seemed to be sugar, spice and everything nice, just to discover he's married.

Just move on with your life. His confession will either set you free or cage you to that man who can't marry you.

Don't be his accomplice.

Heartbrokengirl:
Would have been better if I did this...unfortunately, he was the one that deceived me.

walepackage:
I almost fall for a trap of a married woman I met in a new environment I found myself.thank God we have not gone too far,I have to let go of her shaparly.the world is a crazy place.

daewoorazer:
I never insulted u...”hoe” is just a street shit....Yes he lied, typical of a bad G...but will you tell us if you go back to collect the deek one more time?

You receiving his messages means u never blocked him. Trust me, we both know you don’t trust yourself..

And I’m not judging u

Heartbrokengirl:
We never had penetrative sex, I have never had penetrative sex. The messages are from our past chat, I only cleared the chat after creating this thread. I have not set my eyes on him since then. He has called with other numbers, but that has been it.

Plz, you can reserve the “hoe” tag for your loved ones if it is such a pleasant name. Using it randomly on people you do not know is a not a sign of good upbringing.

You guys here are all about the dick, dick is everywhere, but I have lived 25yrs of my life without it and I didn’t die. I was only hurt he lied to me and led me on. Some of us are trusting. I know people that would have ransacked his house and social media pages, but I didn’t do that. I am not even on Facebook and Instagram. He preyed on the fact that I am quite private and trusting, direct your misgivings to him!!

Heartbrokengirl:
I have always hated the idea of dating married people, but here I am...the ex-girlfriend of a married man.

It started sometime during the lockdown, I went somewhere to get groceries and ran into this man. Let’s call him Mr X. His smile and sense of humour was the attraction. He was putting on a nice senator material and when I stood for us to leave, he towered above me. I am a 6ft tall lady and ladies with my height can tell the happiness when you meet a taller man.

We started chatting regularly and we were in a competition to give ourselves treats. On our second date which I initiated, I asked his age and he replied 36, he asked mine and I told him. He expressed his doubts and I showed him my drivers license. Started asking many questions about my background and I answered all of them. I asked about him too, including his marital status.

I had just gotten out of a relationship, his father said he wouldn’t marry outside the Catholic church and he started drifting, I had to let him go. It was tough for me, but after months of keeping to myself, my friend encouraged me to go on dates and give another man a chance. I decided to give Mr X a chance.

It was beautiful. We were in a competition to please ourselves, take ourselves out and we both had a healthy sense of humour...chatting was fun!!! Everywhere we went, people stared. We were all over ourselves even in public and till date I wonder how he pulled that off.

One day his office had a party and he asked if I could come, I said yes. Got there and the guys were looking at me with lust, the ladies were looking at me with pity. He said the ladies were jealous of my looks and some of them have been crushing on him. If you see him and see me, you’ll understand why this explanation made little sense.

After the party that day, it was late to go back to my house and his house was farther, so we decided to book a hotel around. That night was our most intimate night. We kissed, he gave me leg massages, a head and said he is ready when I am ready. I was blown away. Could this be real?

I always noticed he would be lost in thoughts whenever we are together and blame it on work. Other times he will start feeling sick and I would have to close earlier to go give him food and drugs. This became a regular occurence until one day…

He had fallen sick as usual. I made him promise to take pain relievers and we should consider going to the hospital. He didn’t do this and I had to make out time within the week to go check on him. He said it is because he was missing me, how sweet!

He didn’t get better, it was obvious something was bothering him. I decided I will take him for lunch so we can talk about it, but he couldn’t wait. That night he said he has something to tell me, he kept apologizing but still couldn’t say it. He asked if he could send a voice note and I told him to go ahead.

At about 3mins into the voice note, I felt my world crumbling. He told me he was married and has been married for almost 10years with kids. His family was not in the country, that is why I never saw traces of them. He said he had been battling with the guilt and was scared to tell me because some other girl left when she found out and the last was with him for money. He knew I would leave and was scared, his best friend told him to give it time, another told him to ghost me but I have been good to him and his conscience won’t let him. Other friends said he should never mention it to me.


When my friend saw him, she told me he was going to hurt me. I asked her how and she said I was too innocent for him. She didn’t say further not to be termed hater, but since he made me happy again...she wished me well.

I kept replaying the audio while he kept asking me to say something. I wondered if he treated his wife the way he treated me. He was such a gentleman. Held my hands when I had to walk in heels, opened the car door for me, checked on me at work, gave me handmade customized gifts...he made them himself. He said his wife is bad and he wants divorce her, lolz. I told him they all say that. I told him how much he has hurt me, but I forgive him and appreciate him telling me when he did.

It has been almost 3months but the pain lingers. I know I will be fine…

mrblessed:
The objective of this thread is exactly what? To celebrate an epic escape from the lion's den? Or to form a coalition of angry females on nairaland to bash men. Men and women encounter such people every day, who conceal their marital status from the opposite sex. In your case, the honeypot was not touched. That shows the man is not a gamer.

You are obviously disillusioned because the fantasies in your head exploded with the realisation of his marital status. Hey, you wrote he is a Muslim, that means he can married one than one wife. Despite his obvious fib, I think you ended the relationship in a huff, despite his sincere and heartfelt apologies.

shortgun:
You have no blame here sweet heart, ur man also is not a bad person.
being married is complicated, only married peopel will understand.
most marriages today does not offer the satisfaction many expect due to many factors....wanting out is also not a popular option.


it,s ur choice to make.

VeeVeeMyLuv:
Lol...

@ Heartbrokengirl did u reciprocate by returning the favour in kind?

dejol88:
Why did you not work out this with him? Or you think finding a trusting relationship is easy? Except the guy as got something else besides the church thing!
I see you as someone who is liberal hence my initial post. If your initial bf is good guy besides church things go back to him!

Heartbrokengirl:
Because marriage doesn’t have a defined age and many things could have happened to delay his marriage plans. Anyway, I asked him that question...why is a 36yrs old good looking comfortable man not married...You can guess his answer.

Heartbrokengirl:
We never had penetrative sex, I have never had penetrative sex. The messages are from our past chat, I only cleared the chat after creating this thread. I have not set my eyes on him since then. He has called with other numbers, but that has been it.

Plz, you can reserve the “hoe” tag for your loved ones if it is such a pleasant name. Using it randomly on people you do not know is a not a sign of good upbringing.

You guys here are all about the dick, dick is everywhere, but I have lived 25yrs of my life without it and I didn’t die. I was only hurt he lied to me and led me on. Some of us are trusting. I know people that would have ransacked his house and social media pages, but I didn’t do that. I am not even on Facebook and Instagram. He preyed on the fact that I am quite private and trusting, direct your misgivings to him!!

QuintessentialW:
Everyone needs discernment in this life. There are so many pitfalls. The married man who'll ensnare me hasn't been born.

daewoorazer:
You’re still a hoe with a hole.. who cares if you’ve had penetrative sex or not...if I realize u keep a battalion of Dildos in your closet, na to flog ur bumbum

Heartbrokengirl:
I met a few members of his family. They were welcoming

He is muslim

femi4:
You were blinded by the material things to dig deep into his past.

In Africa, especially in this part of the World, age counts

uncleck:
He is a good but ignorant man.

You are innocent but inexperienced too.

Sorry for your bad experience. Be thankful that you met a good man and that you've had the opportunity to be a better lady once again

Heartbrokengirl:
I swear, it is real! I am not very active with my main and would have created this thread with it, but I don’t know what the future holds.

QuintessentialW:
Shitloads of regret. Why?