You will be surprised; if not for my family, my own for stay in Nja for a long long time. Discovered that the relationship was a mistake soon after but pikin dey and some men are actually very responsible despite what some women think or say...
It takes a lot of work and sacrifice to be able to sponsor someone to come abroad - it is even more so when the partner or spouse has very little in every aspect...
The women can continue to do as they please, it will reflect on the children - the Nja communities abroad will soon become like Janis - many single mothers and baby fathers. Gangs and knife culture and also poverty and jail time for a lot of the boys from these associations

chrisj2:
You will be surprised; if not for my family, my own for stay in Nja for a long long time. Discovered that the relationship was a mistake soon after but pikin dey and some men are actually very responsible despite what some women think or say...
It takes a lot of work and sacrifice to be able to sponsor someone to come abroad - it is even more so when the partner or spouse has very little in every aspect...
The women can continue to do as they please, it will reflect on the children - the Nja communities abroad will soon become like Janis - many single mothers and baby fathers. Gangs and knife culture and also poverty and jail time for a lot of the boys from these associations

I agree with the concluding part of your comment. It's already unfolding before our very eyes

DEMZEE:


Wats ur definition of a man tho

the fact that u buy into that rubbish redpill, bluepill nonsense..

just stop tolerating bullshits or allowing anyone, either male or female, to disrespect you... simple.

bukatyne:


@bold:

This is where the problem started.

Making divorce 'attractive'.

Why should a wife / husband hope to live almost same standard of life with/without marriage?

Especially when they would not provide the support /resources they did in the marriage? It's not like the wife would still provide the domestic support she did in the marriage.

Very good observation.

You should remember that, when the law or Judge want to keep the level of family living the same post divorce, they consider the children of the marriage, who did nothing wrong.

The questions the law try to answer in favor of the children included:

If the children use to visit Paris, London, Disney World, etc once in a year; why should they now be punished by been denied that opportunity because the adults in the room, decide to pick their ball and want to go their separate ways?

If the children use to stay in a five star hotel, why punished them by reducing it to four star hotel because you guys are divorcing?

The parents were the ones, out of their own free will elevated the children living conditions and experiences to these high standards. The court is just there to ascertain what those standards were and try as much as possible to maintain them.

I don’t think divorce is as attractive as you put it. Though African men are most at disadvantage when it happens to them in the western world.

Just like it is expected in Africa and Nigeria, these men expect their wives to be submissive, obedient and take them as the final authority...while some Africa women will not be happy with this and insist that ‘we are now in advance society where everyone is equal and we should live that way period!’.

They also forget that, because of that same African culture, the man goes against the ‘advance society’ culture to make you a full house wife while he toils day & night; he sends you to Nursing School, paid the whole school fees (in a true western world culture, you would be on your own or in loans) and he did many things by you just because you are both of the same culture that his counterpart western culture males don’t do.

All these he did, because that culture says he is the head, as such he went far and above to provide his absolute best and sometimes 100% and not requiring even 10% from you, talkless of the western culture 50%.

Now, if the tables are turned and during divorce...the men should understand that these same women will come for 50% and even more of everything....The truth is, it is their right to demand for it, just like it was never your responsibility as a man in the western world to provide more than 50%.

Yes in Nigeria or Africa, it is your responsibility and societal expectations as a man to provide 100%, but that knowledge will not help you in a western country’s court room, so have that in mind as you toil, sweat and work your azz off for any lady in the western world.

I will say, let them work and make their own money and don’t forget to demand for half the rent or mortgage money from them at the end of each month, you might think, it is hash or it makes you look ‘less than a man’...write it in your head, you guys are equals..nothing more, nothing less.

Also the fact that you demand and she pays half the rent/mortgage will tremendously help your case in divorce court years to come and might even help you keep your house or if the court gave her the house because of the kids, she will be ordered to pay you half of the equity in installments.

linearity:


Very good observation.

You should remember that, when the law or Judge want to keep the level of family living the same post divorce, they consider the children of the marriage, who did not wrong.

The questions the law try to answer in favor of the children included:

If the children use to visit Paris, London, Disney World, etc once in a year; why should they now be punished by been denied that opportunity because the adult in the room decide to pick their ball and want to go their separate ways?

If the children use to stay in a five star hotel, why punished them by reducing it to four star hotel because you guys are divorcing?

The parents were the ones out of their own free will elevated the children living conditions and experiences to these high standards. The court is just there to ascertain what those standards were and try as much as possible to maintain them.

I don’t think divorce is as attractive as you put it. Though African men are most at disadvantage when it happens to them in the western world.

Just like it is expected in Africa and Nigeria, these men expect their wives to be submissive, obedient and take them as the final authority...while some Africa women will not be happy with this and insist that ‘we are now in advance society where everyone is equal and we should live that way period!’.....

They also forget that, because of that same African culture, the man goes against the ‘advance society’ culture to make you a full house wife while he toils day & night; he sends you to Nursing School, paid the whole school fees (in true fashion of western world, you would be on your own or in loans) and did many things by you just because you are both of the same culture.

All these he did, because that culture says he is the head, as such he went far and above to provide his absolute best and sometimes 100% and not requiring even 10% from you, talkless of the western culture 50%.

Now, if the tables are turned and during divorce...the men should understand that those same women will come for 50% and even more of everything....and it is their right to demand for it, just like it was never your responsibility as a man in the western world to provide more than 50%..

Yes in Nigeria or Africa, it is your responsibility and societal expectations as a man to provide 100%, but that knowledge will not help you in a western country’s court room, so have that in mind as you toil, sweat and work your azz off for any lady in the western world.

I will say, let them work and make their own money and don’t forget to demand for half the rent or mortgage money from them at the end of each month, you might think, it is hash or it makes you look ‘less than a man’...write it in your head, you guys are equal...also the fact that you demand and she pays half the rent/mortgage will tremendously help your case in the divorce court years to come and might even help you keep your house or if the court gave her the house because of the kids, she will be ordered to pay you half of the equity in installments.

Strict posturing


Fair treatment in marriage is respect, loyalty and liberty but not necessarily that only the man's word is final. That standard is too draconian and authoritative to be considered healthy



If a man's word only stands and the man passes through a health condition where he can't perform optimally, does it mean the family should become non-operational because uncle sure is in a terrible state



In all, all these things can be split out during friendship before marriage and courtship to discuss all these concerns. But lust won't permit.... Frolicking everywhere.

Great points but it applies to both genders please.

You bring your culture of misogyny and ego to a different country with a culture. I understand that it is ingrained in some of you and it might be difficult to change but at least try. Don't leave all the chores to your wife. Engage your kids too. Then some these men that choose to abandon their financial responsibility because of child benefit. They would rather spend on GFS and young ladies back home.



The women, suddenly they desire better. They want live an more expensive lifestyle. The picture of the abroad is not what they expected. Then in some cities, you see them in very silly competitions from the number of bfs, owanbe, number of houses they have in Nigeria.

Stay outside many of the big cities or keep to yourself.

RedPanthar:




Strict posturing


Fair treatment in marriage is respect, loyalty and liberty but not necessarily that only the man's word is final. That standard is too draconian and authoritative to be considered healthy



If a man's word only stands and the man passes through a health condition where he can't perform optimally, does it mean the family should become non-operational because uncle sure is in a terrible state



In all, all these things can be split out during friendship before marriage and courtship to discuss all these concerns. But lust won't permit.... Frolicking everywhere.

I totally agreed.

My point is to juxtapose what the society thinks of men in Nigeria vs the Western world....also how men carry themselves on average in these two societies.

Yes yours observations of my write-up that men in African settings on average fall into this ‘strict posture’ category.

My post is to tell these category of men that, in the western world, that is not the case; rather it is half and half, so they should adjust.

Now, the debate about which of these postures: African ‘strict posture’ vs Western ‘half-n-half posture’ is the best is left for another day...but if you look at marriages on both hemispheres; African’s last longer despite these strict postures., though this might not be a true test.

I heard from one of these husbands that the women have a WhatsApp group in the UK... Chai! Hiss...

linearity:


I totally agreed.

My point is to juxtapose what the society thinks of men in Nigeria vs the Western world....also how men carry themselves on average in these two societies.

Yes yours observations of my write-up that men in African settings on average fall into this ‘strict posture’ category.

My post is to tell these category of men that, in the western world, that is not the case; rather it is half and half, so they should adjust.

Now, the debate about which of these postures: African ‘strict posture’ vs Western ‘half-n-half posture’ is the best is left for another day...but if you look at marriages on both hemispheres; African’s last longer despite these strict postures., though this might not be a true test.

The picture is gloomy. I'm beginning to think this generation won't get it right in thus department. And in the end would make it an assignment for the next generation


To me, I've come to resolve that regardless of all names, tags, stereotypes, and all applied. If both parties in any relationship choose to be vulnerable and open enough to mutually give and receive, nothing else would matter. Nothing



The while core of relationship issues is simply one sees something another assumes and both can't seem to reach a mutual point to look out for the one another without selfish interests interfering.

Sterope:
Great points but it applies to both genders please.

You bring your culture of misogyny and ego to a different country with a culture. I understand that it is ingrained in some of you and it might be difficult to change but at least try. Don't leave all the chores to your wife. Engage your kids too. Then some these men that choose to abandon their financial responsibility because of child benefit. They would rather spend on GFS and young ladies back home.



The women, suddenly they desire better. They want live an more expensive lifestyle. The picture of the abroad is not what they expected. Then in some cities, you see them in very silly competitions from the number of bfs, owanbe, number of houses they have in Nigeria.

Stay outside many of the big cities or keep to yourself.

I disagree to some extent on the issues of misogyny and African men not be able to adjust. Some have been abroad for many many years and have had relationships with western Washington men both black or white. There is just something different about bringing someone abroad and those brought over developing serious wings even when the men are no different from their white counterparts. Oyinbo men too do misogyny and their women too can be as submissive...

Black women at times have the Jezebel complex and get too angry...

chrisj2:


I disagree to some extent on the issues of misogyny and African men not be able to adjust. Some have been abroad for many many years and have had relationships with western Washington men both black or white. There is just something different about bringing someone abroad and those brought over developing serious wings even when the men are no different from their white counterparts. Oyinbo men too do misogyny and their women too can be as submissive...

Black women at times have the Jezebel complex and get too angry...

Allow me extract two things for the purpose of emphasis



1. Jezebel complex



2. Unnecessary anger ( toxicity )

Priam:


Lol... You make me laugh

How many men, especially the well-to-do ideal men, do you think would want to align with such a woman - single mother and divorcee in Nigeria of today?

There are enough single ladies to go round than to get involved in single mother dramas.

Those women know what they signed up to and are privy to the fact that they're becoming Naija-based wife before the marriage, hence no biggie. Their own is to stay back here and enjoy the dollar-fueled goodlife

There's no ideal man. But if a person you are with doesn't follow your ideals, divorce then when you realize it, otherwise it would be torment.

And who are you to speak for all the men who got involved with single mothers? Who wants single fathers/men pretending to be?

Whatever you mean by well-to-do. As if people are only looking for wealthy men. Speak for yourself. It's not as if there are so many wealthy men in the world to begin with.

Sterope:
Great points but it applies to both genders please.

You bring your culture of misogyny and ego to a different country with a culture. I understand that it is ingrained in some of you and it might be difficult to change but at least try. Don't leave all the chores to your wife. Engage your kids too. Then some these men that choose to abandon their financial responsibility because of child benefit. They would rather spend on GFS and young ladies back home.



The women, suddenly they desire better. They want live an more expensive lifestyle. The picture of the abroad is not what they expected. Then in some cities, you see them in very silly competitions from the number of bfs, owanbe, number of houses they have in Nigeria.

Stay outside many of the big cities or keep to yourself.

who told you the issue is about chores?

If you went through this post from the start you would realize the women are not complaining about chores but that the man shouldn't feel he deserve a say "for mere bringing a woman abroad" they say that abroad isn't heaven hence whenever the woman finds her feet financially she can choose to go solo if she wishes just because "she can't be a slave to the man by contributing in one purse and using it together"

Regardless of how the man spent his all to bring the woman, raise her up at his own expense.

Did you read what I wrote?

Mikehot:
who told you the issue is about chores?

If you went through this post from the start you would realize the women are not complaining about chores but that the man shouldn't feel he deserve a say "for mere bringing a woman abroad" they say that abroad isn't heaven hence whenever the woman finds her feet financially she can choose to go solo if she wishes just because "she can't be a slave to the man by contributing in one purse and using it together"

Regardless of how the man spent his all to bring the woman, raise her up at his own expense.

Well, their expectations might have been too high on both sides

chrisj2:


I disagree to some extent on the issues of misogyny and African men not be able to adjust. Some have been abroad for many many years and have had relationships with western Washington men both black or white. There is just something different about bringing someone abroad and those brought over developing serious wings even when the men are no different from their white counterparts. Oyinbo men too do misogyny and their women too can be as submissive...

Black women at times have the Jezebel complex and get too angry...

SmartMen:
the fact that u buy into that rubbish redpill, bluepill nonsense..

just stop tolerating bullshits or allowing anyone, either male or female, to disrespect you... simple.

Redpill is not rubbish

It teaches u women's nature, personal development and marital intelligence

Priam:


Can you actually listen to yourself?

Please read what you wrote there, this time slowly, and tell me if there was any level of betrayal greater than this.

You mean he brought her up from the gutter, brushed her up and made her somebody, and that's his recompense? And you're here talking about ego.

If you have a brother and he falls into such a situation, I hope you tell him it's all in his head and that he should clip his male ego since there's no big deal about it. Damn!

Now I'm beginning to see reason for why the redpill is taking root

she did bad and I admit it, but in a situation where the man wasn't her saviour,where the man married a self made woman,and she decides to build a house without her husband's knowledge and eventually the husband found out, why would he get angry, if not that his ego was hurt. That's what I meant.

Hassanmaye:

That's the price men get when they lift a woman, he get manipulated, in all your life have you ever found a situation where a woman went abroad and came and marry her struggling boyfriend? How many rich women can marry unemployed men and treat him as human being?
Only men love from the button of their heart, but thank God men are becoming more furious now no time for dulling

hey I'm not against the op's views, in fact I think she made a strong point, I think a man that plays a major role in his wife's success story deserves loyalty to the very end.

DEMZEE:


Redpill is not rubbish

It teaches u women's nature, personal development and marital intelligence

it is all bullcrap... our forefathers didn't have to learn any of that nonsense... they were A FORKING MEN.. IF YOU HAVE TO LEARN IT, you are not a man.

Sarita01:


hey I'm not against the op's views, in fact I think she made a strong point, I think a man that plays a major role in his wife's success story deserves loyalty to the very end.

God bless you oh

Kapilta:
I hate relationship and anything bout it.

But you love free SEX. You cannot make Heaven

Why would a woman that has had many many thousands spent on her want to embark on a financial investment like building a house in Nja or even buying a house abroad without telling the husband?
Why does it sit right with some of our women to expect a man to foot most of the bills (even when the women are working) and then their own money has to be protected from the man...
Why do some of the women put their families above their husband and their main benefactor as in the case of being sponsored abroad and provided for from the man's toil and sacrifices?
A marriage is not by force but like some have said, loyalty is rarity among Nja women - they seemed out to settle scores (even from old baggages and dad's) as soon as they get some power or independence...
Women that want equality should practice what they preach...

SmartMen:
it is all bullcrap... our forefathers didn't have to learn any of that nonsense... they were A FORKING MEN.. IF YOU HAVE TO LEARN IT, you are not a man.

Our forefathers were practicing hardcore polygamy and the society then wasn't feministic.

I love ur point but I want to also say, since our forefathers then didn't attend school or any academic institutions and they were FORKING MEN that means u that u attended school U are Wat..... A FOOLISH MAN AHBI

BROS, DONT B PROUD TOWARDS LEARNING

EDUCATION WORKS BEST WITH HUMILITY

REDPILL IS NECESSARY KNOWLEDGE FOR TODAY'S FEMCENTRIC SOCIETY!!!!

Zzor:
You want to call my boyfriend to ban me on our forum, you will end up shooting yourself in the leg

a feminist that is bragging on account of a man.

Because e chop your toto you now both control nairaland abi

AsiwajuNdigbo:


I agree brother Ahudiya.

Men must startbtaking these women before deity to take her womb swear oath of good behavior and submission to his captainship. The man is authority and captain of that household. No miscreant sailor in the shape of wife should rock the boat while the captain is steering.

These yeye wives nowadays are useless. When im ready im going o village to find one i can control. Not all these oloshos that are as wide underneath as lagos ibadan expressway. They lack sense and their toto sef lack home training to recognize who captains the ship.

Take her before deity. No more bible oath. Shit

Is like you don't know Nigeria woman can wash deity oat, once money dey they can pay the same deity unless say you blindfold them there without any trace back

Hathor5:


Keep boycotting. The capable men are enjoying their wives and the cosy, loving homes they create for them.

But women creating cosy homes for their husbands is Haram to feminism

Martinez39s:
@emboldened
This blatantly false. Women are the same everywhere.

The frequency of such acts is higher in black women

Mikehot:
But women creating cosy homes for their husbands is Haram to feminism

Says who?

Priam:


It's either you don't know what is going on or you deliberately chose to ignore it.

We call them Our Nigerian Wives

There are so many girls hustling to marry abroad based husband's, that they'll agree to even be their Naija-based wife because they know that the guy is married abroad to a foreigner for papers. We have a trad wedding in which in my villa, the guy came in the evening with so much security and they prevented people from taking pictures.

I don't doubt that guy's story because I've seen too many cases to mention. The guys build a duplex in the village or rent flat in the city where they house the Naija wife and kids. They come back every 1-2 years, impregnate and travel back to base in Europe or America

I know what is going on and your write-up confirms what I have said. It is not recommendable. It's wrong on many levels.

Hathor5:

Says who?

says feminists

Mikehot:
says feminists

Don't confuse your lack of understanding with what they actually say.

Hathor5:


Don't confuse your lack of understanding with what they actually say.

it is actually your own lack of understanding.

Numerous women here have clarified that this duty you just stated here enslaves the woman

We both agree that God gave women the special ability to nurse a home and the children (because of the motherly connection imbedded in them).

But feminists are saying is slavery, they want to be like the men who are "free" off the motherly roles that builds a home