Trayceey:
I Need Your Opinion On This Issue That's Threatening My Relationship

My fiance wanted to come to the house to see my mum but I told him I won't be around because I'm about heading out to somewhere, so he asked me if my mum would be around, then I said yes and he said he would still go to see her and it doesn't matter if I'm not around.

When I later got home that night, my mum complained that he came empty handed. He didn't bring anything for her and she was the one who offered him her drink.

Although initially, I didn't see anything wrong with that but when my mum expressed her displeasure, I later called him to ask why he came to the house empty handed then I let him know I wasn't happy with him, that it would have been better if he didn't come. He tried arguing with me but I hung up.

Since then, we haven't spoken to each other nor visited each other. Was I wrong?

TransAtlanticEx:

Speak for your clan,we don't do that where I come from and I'm also igbo.
We are not beggars and we like to hold our heads up high,
Giving should only come from the givers own volition and not some silly expectation,
Atleast where I come from.

bjprodint:
aunty,this issue to worth d fight.what if ur man no get money 2 buy anything 4 her make e go collect credit?.pls go and visit ur man,settle with him then use ur money 2 buy things and give ur mum,tell her its from ur man.thats if u love the man and want things to work out.

KosiGee:



It’s best to marry a white woman. If you visit your potential mother in law with gifts when it’s not her birthday, Christmas or wedding anniversary, you’ll look so awkward.

Our culture is drowning in corruption and bribery.

BusinessCity:



It's a reflection of his character to some extent. It could be a onetime thing, it could also be his regular attitude. If he had shown remorse then the mum could be said to be wrong. Not showing remorse and claiming right and keeping malice aren't trait a man who wants to marry should have. If a couple or intended couple fight, they shouldn't be doing first to apologise is weak which is what he's doing.


If I were him and made the mistake and loved her truly. I'll call the mum directly and apologise saying it's an error. That's to show the relationship is worth fighting for. He's the man, he ought to do this. The remorse will then cover up all the flaws of all parties. He's expecting the mum to come beg him or the girl to kneel when there aren't particularly at fault


When we were kids, my dad worked as a manager at a bank and had his private company and we were wealthy. We had no lack but in laws brought things we didn't need but give out. They never for once came empty handed. It's wrong.

Sixfeetbelle:


Buying bread will lead people to rituals?

There's nothing I won't read on this forum

Trayceey:
I Need Your Opinion On This Issue That's Threatening My Relationship

My fiance wanted to come to the house to see my mum but I told him I won't be around because I'm about heading out to somewhere, so he asked me if my mum would be around, then I said yes and he said he would still go to see her and it doesn't matter if I'm not around.

When I later got home that night, my mum complained that he came empty handed. He didn't bring anything for her and she was the one who offered him her drink.

Although initially, I didn't see anything wrong with that but when my mum expressed her displeasure, I later called him to ask why he came to the house empty handed then I let him know I wasn't happy with him, that it would have been better if he didn't come. He tried arguing with me but I hung up.

Since then, we haven't spoken to each other nor visited each other. Was I wrong?

Lashist:

Vex ke...its just funny how some people think their bf money is suddenly theirs

Miarose:
you and your mother are too hungry. Respect and courtesy >> gift.

Annitakome:
[Pls I can't see where she mentioned that item wasn't her first time, can u point that out to me pls? Gosh! Bringing bread or even something as small as fruits when u visit, what's wrong with that, or how does poverty come into this? quote author=GayPontiff post=97809727]


No offense o, but be offended all u want.
You and ur mama need deliverance .
Contact me for recommendations.

If the guy marries u, each visit to your mum will now cost him a cow and a new house shebi?
That he even went to greet her which is the highlight that deserves accolades suddenly gets swept under d carpet. U proceeded to hang up call on him.
Now ur seeking justification publicly.

If u want to enjoy ur marriage in d future when u don marry eh babes, no be everything momsi talk u go swallow.


(((According to her it wasn't even his first visit and he did take something along the very first time.
Una don see as person dey open door for wahala?)))

BusinessCity:



Kolanut doesn't fill the stomach. Prestige costs nothing but add honor to the one that acts right.

Trayceey:
I Need Your Opinion On This Issue That's Threatening My Relationship

My fiance wanted to come to the house to see my mum but I told him I won't be around because I'm about heading out to somewhere, so he asked me if my mum would be around, then I said yes and he said he would still go to see her and it doesn't matter if I'm not around.

When I later got home that night, my mum complained that he came empty handed. He didn't bring anything for her and she was the one who offered him her drink.

Although initially, I didn't see anything wrong with that but when my mum expressed her displeasure, I later called him to ask why he came to the house empty handed then I let him know I wasn't happy with him, that it would have been better if he didn't come. He tried arguing with me but I hung up.

Since then, we haven't spoken to each other nor visited each other. Was I wrong?

Annitakome:
Some of Ur comments shows how irresponsible u are, someone visit his would be in-laws empty handed, no bread no fruits and u all are here insulting her mum and making it look like it's poverty mentality? What's wrong with y'all really? That's just courtesy simple, it doesn't have to be every time he visits, however, we don't even know if that was his first time or not cus it wasn't specified, y'all should be respectful. Gifts can be given to by either of the parties involved, it's not a big deal. So u think u can date a rich girl and be completely compliant with her rules or just be taking from her according to some of u here, pls be responsible and stop seeing women as they are here to deprive u of Ur mother's breaks milk when all they is make life sweet and delicious to u. Bye for now.

Sweetcho:


How long have you been dating? Has he ever met your mother before? Has he ever brought something along with him for your mother before? It is indeed a red flag if you dont be careful and marry someone like that when you marry him the whole burden of care for the kids school fees and feeding them will fall on you and you alone, like the sad women i see on that nigerian judge show

Trayceey:
not really. The first time he came to see her, which has been a while now, he didn't come empty handed

DropsMic:


REDFLAG....
He wasn’t supposed to argue with you. All he needed to do was to apologize to you and your mom but he couldn’t do that... That’s the REDFLAG

TransAtlanticEx:
Are you sure you really wanna do this?
Cos I'm ready when you are.
Feed me and my family( a whole my family ooo) for ages yet your mama dey want kill herself say your fiance no buy bread for am?.
Why not use that money weh you want use am feed me and my generation buy your mama provisions keep for house na
And somehow its from this miserly,miserable existence that you wanna feed my family(really rich ) from?
My eldest sister got married in 2004,in 2003 when the man came for introduction,he wore shorts and was empty handed.
You know why?There was nothing he could bring that we don't have and he knew it
What you could have done sef to even cover your bf is send some money to your thirsty mom and claim your bf sent it,but instead you fought with him over it,maybe because you and your mama don plan as una go share the stipends weh the guy suppose bring,
Yet a bottom feeder like you wants to feed my generation?

fineboynl:
I have just learnt new leason never to go with gift.

gift is a firm of bribe and sellout.

you get to know people actual character when they get nothing from you. your mother offered him drink and for that she has to tell you. what if this man couldn't feed the family. that's how you both will mock him yo early grave.

delishpot:
Was that his very first time of visitinf her? Cos everyone knows that you do not go visit a person you are kinda close to for the first time empty handed unless una jam by accident. Sometjing small like fliwers, chocolate, bottke of wine etc depending on the ocassion.

izzou:


The last time he came, he brought a gift for the mum

And then because he comes again without any gift, she goes complaining?

I don't blame people who think the Op's family is poor or the mum is greedy

No wahala sha. She can decide to sacrifice her happiness for an in-law that always remember to bring gifts when visiting her mum

Acidosis:



The right thing to do was to reject her food/drink. The young man is greedy and a glutton!

Omo, how can you visit your mother in law for the first time without a gift, and sit down to eat her food and drink?

Let's be honest pls, the young man is greedy and shameless.

Arsenate:
What is even more worrying is that a good number of commenters here don't think there is something wrong in what the mother and op did.
I have known majority of Nigerians to be annoyingly self entitled, but I never knew it's this bad. Gosh.

deltateam:


Such little things matter. I have an Uncle. Anytime he travels and comes back, he must buy his wife something.

It could be as little as groundnut and bananas but it means a lot.

It shows care. There's a scenario where a man expects a woman to feed him and also give him pocket money.

E be things.

Trayceey:
I Need Your Opinion On This Issue That's Threatening My Relationship

My fiance wanted to come to the house to see my mum but I told him I won't be around because I'm about heading out to somewhere, so he asked me if my mum would be around, then I said yes and he said he would still go to see her and it doesn't matter if I'm not around.

When I later got home that night, my mum complained that he came empty handed. He didn't bring anything for her and she was the one who offered him her drink.

Although initially, I didn't see anything wrong with that but when my mum expressed her displeasure, I later called him to ask why he came to the house empty handed then I let him know I wasn't happy with him, that it would have been better if he didn't come. He tried arguing with me but I hung up.

Since then, we haven't spoken to each other nor visited each other. Was I wrong?