BOSMANARIS:


...he said he would still go to see her and it doesn't matter if I'm not around.



Don't come is different from if you're coming, bring something for her o.

Look at first quote critically. What meaning does it connote or do you think her mind was at rest? Do you know what instinct means?



You don't expect her to tell him to bring something. It would have been too forward besides it's assumed he had common sense which unfortunately isn't common as can be seen.

Bottom line is: If 'little' things like this can cause problem in this relationship, what of the bigger ones?

It clearly needs a break.

Trayceey:
not really. The first time he came to see her, which has been a while now, he didn't come empty handed

If this was not his first time then am sorry to tell u that u are wrong. He brought something the first time and now he brought nothing, all you shud have done is to jokingly asked him why he did not give your mum anything, telling him what your mum said is very very wrong.Just try and settle things with him if you still love him though he is also wrong for not talking to you since then because a man that wants to get married needs to be emotionally matured.

Trayceey:
I Need Your Opinion On This Issue That's Threatening My Relationship

My fiance wanted to come to the house to see my mum but I told him I won't be around because I'm about heading out to somewhere, so he asked me if my mum would be around, then I said yes and he said he would still go to see her and it doesn't matter if I'm not around.

When I later got home that night, my mum complained that he came empty handed. He didn't bring anything for her and she was the one who offered him her drink.

Although initially, I didn't see anything wrong with that but when my mum expressed her displeasure, I later called him to ask why he came to the house empty handed then I let him know I wasn't happy with him, that it would have been better if he didn't come. He tried arguing with me but I hung up.

Since then, we haven't spoken to each other nor visited each other. Was I wrong?

...
Shit... well....
The empty-handedness shouldn't be an issue..

He insisted on seeing your mum with or without you..

All I see is a man who wants to do things on his own terms...

Whatever his reason for not getting your mum anything for visiting her, remains his business..

More over, it might just be a case of pure ignorance, financial unavailability , forgetfulness or even intentional..

Next time don't act entitled to a gift...
Or is bread and milk more important than your marriage with this fellow?

Remember na your happiness you dey find oo not your mama own!

For me;/this is the issue you need to discuss with your bf if you truly love him....firstly, you need to know his intention...because in some family taking gift to an in-law house is not a big deal but in your own case, it is an issue to your mother....

Op, I see your mother using you to control and manipulate that guy because you still depend on your mother to tell you what is wrong or right....
Why can you visit a certified marriage counselor to really know what should be done..

If I hear such story from my gf, then I will decide immediately what to do with the charade relationship. I guess, op is a Igbo lady...

Trayceey:
I'm not defending my mum. You know these mothers always have a hold on us

if he was open enough to come visit mama without you being around and he could come with that openness,he is a nice and honest man,he could even have just put you people to simple test.
Mum should have appreciated the fact that he came at all.
It's not all momma or family says that you react to,you just told mummy you really don't love the guy,If you truly do,you would have defended him and not drop call on him.
If you are too egoistic to apologize,same mum will shout "go and bring good husband home" whentime pass,a time will come,mum won't be around anymore,step wisely.

Mariangeles:
How come nobody understands the principle of giving gifts and the honour that comes with it?
It is not about what you give, it is the thought that counts.
If the young man had brought something as simple as fruits and the woman complained, then she would've been wrong.

It has nothing to do with poverty. Only someone with poverty mentality would think expecting gift(s) from someone is out of place, and only someone with inferiority complex would think it is a thing of shame to except gift from a certain someone.

"A man's gift makes room for him, and brings him before great men"

Giving gifts will make way for you in the presence of Kings and great men.

Stop misquoting the bible, you know nothing about it's context here and twist everything to suit a dirty narrative.. Don't decieve yourself, you can't bend the rational truth with this.

I think people react to things differently, it wouldn't have being a qualms with another mum elsewhere since gift on such visit isn't mandatory. but the man being a gentle man should have apologized and make things up if he really cares simple.

TransAtlanticEx:
Are you sure you really wanna do this?
Cos I'm ready when you are.
Feed me and my family( a whole my family ooo) for ages yet your mama dey want kill herself say your fiance no buy bread for am?.
Why not use that money weh you want use am feed me and my generation buy your mama provisions keep for house na
And somehow its from this miserly,miserable existence that you wanna feed my family(really rich ) from?
My eldest sister got married in 2004,in 2003 when the man came for introduction,he wore shorts and was empty handed.
You know why?There was nothing he could bring that we don't have and he knew it
What you could have done sef to even cover your bf is send some money to your thirsty mom and claim your bf sent it,but instead you fought with him over it,maybe because you and your mama don plan as una go share the stipends weh the guy suppose bring,
Yet a bottom feeder like you wants to feed my generation?

oga off the mic pls.... it's too much.

Mariangeles:


I don't know about the others, but in my tribe (Igbo), that's how things are done.
You don't go to your in-laws bare handed.
It is not an act to be proud of.

Speak for yourself.. There is nothing Igbo about it. It is not an Igbo culture to expect anything from a visiting & aspiring in-law anytime he visits... It's your hungry mentality of longer throat. It's not anybody's culture... Tufiakwa!

BOSMANARIS:


You modified this, hence for this response.

Bro, you're reading different meanings to this post.
If truly she sensed she might Bleep up, she should have told him in clear terms "DON'T COME" like the other guy said, his fiancee told him in clearer terms, don't give my parents something, she even begged but it wasn't so in the OPs scenario.

Now let me say this: Bad things happen when you think your partners views, presence and opinion is not important in things that directly or indirectly affects her.

I hope you're married by the way.

BusinessCity:




Our generation needs help. I'm surprised by the responses I see on this thread. Each time I visit a community I bought lands, I take wine, fruits and bread to show respect to everyone today I'm honored as a king in the entire community and despite not being from the part of the country, I'm invited to partake in the elders hip. Meetings with the honorables. Imagine

Shut up. Bloody lair. Do you tell tall tales for a living? You shall soon meet your waterloo, BigSquid.

if it was a guy that called the lady, asking why he didn't buy gift for his mom, ladies will tag him as Mommies boy....


confused gender....rubbish

TransAtlanticEx:
Are you sure you really wanna do this?
Cos I'm ready when you are.
Feed me and my family( a whole my family ooo) for ages yet your mama dey want kill herself say your fiance no buy bread for am?.
Why not use that money weh you want use am feed me and my generation buy your mama provisions keep for house na
And somehow its from this miserly,miserable existence that you wanna feed my family(really rich ) from?
My eldest sister got married in 2004,in 2003 when the man came for introduction,he wore shorts and was empty handed.
You know why?There was nothing he could bring that we don't have and he knew it
What you could have done sef to even cov er your bf is send some money to your thirsty mom and claim your bf sent it,but instead you fought with him over it,maybe because you and your mama don plan as una go share the stipends weh the guy suppose bring,
Yet a bottom feeder like you wants to feed my generation?

Kudos

Thanks for this o
If naa orange 100# buy for hand and take along
Don't ever and ever go empty handed whtn going to visit anybody talk of your GF's mum....

Mariangeles:


We are Africans. Let us be honest with ourselves.

A man going alone to visit his would-be mother in-law empty handed is a red flag. Something to worry about.
What was the purpose of the visit?
Even as a female, it is still wrong to go visit the mother of the man you're going to marry empty handed.

Xmen149:


intending inlaw is someone that said they will marry your daughter then go on having canal knowledge of her after you have known the two of them together and this can go on as long as possible while he brings you gift..

same word as fiance..or onye choro inu nwagi nwanyi

what if like 3 guys are fukking her...see plenty gift...that one na fianceenances

franugo:


"They wanted to and had the means to".... Do you know if the guy did not have the means to get what he wanted to get? Or if he did not want to get anything at all? I don't understand why you people are over flogging this issue and making trayceey feel like she's in the right and d man is in the left,,dts unacceptable. So if the boy doesn't have anything, he should not visit his intended's family? Na she go still come here dey complain say her MUM say her fiance no dey visit her......let's be wise in this NL abeg

If he can't afford bread 500naira and a bottle of eva wine 1000naira then, he is not ready to marry. Did anybody say he would buy milo and milk or car? Buying those things is just out of courtesy. Be reasonable abeg.

Acidosis:



The right thing to do was to reject her food/drink. The young man is greedy and a glutton!

Omo, how can you visit your mother in law for the first time without a gift, and sit down to eat her food and drink?

Let's be honest pls, the young man is greedy and shameless.

That wasn't his first visit, Acidosis.

Ingredient88:
is fiance and a boyfriend are they the same thing?

is the same thing. Fiance means lover and who intend to marry. It's not husband

Check that man wellooo bcs what your mother is telling you is true,he should not have come empty handed is a pure red flag,you might not like what u will see if u keep on with him,is not even your mums problems then but she is just trying to help u and she might not necessarily need anything from him but courtesy demands he would have get even if small thing since you're not even @ home,so be careful with him.

the guy already have in mind to visit the family not minding who is at home or not....


but didn't plan it to be a big visit....


but seriously op your mom was wrong. I. as much as they are our parents doesn't mean they are always right ....


you mustn't support mom in everything....


if you love your man, do the needful....


go and say sorry and talk to your mom about such mindset.

Trayceey:
I Need Your Opinion On This Issue That's Threatening My Relationship

My fiance wanted to come to the house to see my mum but I told him I won't be around because I'm about heading out to somewhere, so he asked me if my mum would be around, then I said yes and he said he would still go to see her and it doesn't matter if I'm not around.

When I later got home that night, my mum complained that he came empty handed. He didn't bring anything for her and she was the one who offered him her drink.

Although initially, I didn't see anything wrong with that but when my mum expressed her displeasure, I later called him to ask why he came to the house empty handed then I let him know I wasn't happy with him, that it would have been better if he didn't come. He tried arguing with me but I hung up.

Since then, we haven't spoken to each other nor visited each other. Was I wrong?

dear how are u doing..sorry for the batching and insults yesterday o..u done shitt this morning..if no pls try to visit the toilet this morning..is there tissue paper...i want to buy some as gift wben i come visiting ur mum this evening

SweetCunt97:
When growing, every day my parents buy things for us when coming back from work. Every fvcking day. Like I said it could b fruits.


Will it be proper if he visits and no one offers him anything? It's simply courtesy.

If you don't buy, you shouldn't bother to eat there... Abi na longthroat?

Oga if you have not married, I’m married and also visit my in-law before we got married nothing like gift everyday what my in-laws is after is well being of their daughter that is what a reasonable mother will be after

franugo:


Fruits alone does it for you, maybe he feels dt bringing just fruits in a festive period is insulting, dt instead if insulting by bringing so little, he shouldn't bring at all n plan towards bringing BIG...if he ends up marrying Tracey, dt man will probably only visit the in-laws once every year (not because he wants to but because he HAS to for a good guy like him,,,quite frankly if its me, I no go send, na once in a blue moon I go show face, give gifts n zoom off) laden with various gifts,..not a nice prospect at all especially if they stay in the same state.

This is not the way to start a healthy relationship@trayceey.

Then he shouldn't have gone to visit then. Courtesy demands u visit elderly people u see once in a while bearing gifts. It's the thought that count not the actual gifts it'self. Na wa oo

shantti:


Someone should pls help me xplain what this lady wrote, i copied it and viewed it with ms word, see red lines and blue lines everywhere

I knew it, you would result to grammatical war, go back to secondary school and do WAEC, IF NOT NECO, YOU WOULDN'T HAVE KNOWN OR SEEN, 4 WALLS OF HIGHER INSTITUTION, back to your 'supposed grammatical intimidation. Why did you seek the help of MS WORD to identify grammatical blunders in an unofficial write up? Saying alot about your academic background. Despite the fact you sought the help of 'application to identify errors, you couldn't say the exact grammatical blunder I made.

Sorry for naija education, NECO and Android devices graduates.


Let me correct your blunders above

..............I copied and viewed them" on "MS WORD, saw red and blue lines everywhere.

Pronoun "it will be used for single error and not many errors.

Copied & viewed (past tense)...... Must follow by saw (past tense)

Olodoooooooooooooo

Anaerobi:
the guy already have in mind to visit the family not minding who is at home or not....


but didn't plan it to be a big visit....


but seriously op your mom was wrong. I. as much as they are our parents doesn't mean they are always right ....


you mustn't support mom in everything....


if you love your man, do the needful....


go and say sorry and talk to your mom about such mindset.

even if she apologises the relationship can nerver remain the same..he will continue to look down on her mum even after marraige..i am a man..and u nor know d kind mindset way we get..after this fraca the guy will definately send the mum some cash so that the hole can continue to service him..i know how it will end if this continue especially if the guy has told any of his sibbling or parents..damage control

franugo:


So he should stay in his own lane if he doesn't have anything to give?
This is part of the reasons why some married people don't like visiting their in-laws.... A good n healthy relationship should supersede bearing gifts.
Nigga probably thought "lemme just go n see my gf's mother n say compliments of the season", nothing wrong with that at all. He shouldn't have to tax himself whenever he wants to see his girl's family, dt is just a recipe for permanent phone n video calls

A whole compliment of the season emptyhanded . Na wa ooo

UnBanEbenezer:
it is your generations that do beg for crumbs and expecting any visitors that pay you poverty stricken fellows a visit you should expect he should be coming and feed you before starvation finishes off your family.
You're cursed with poverty and so shall it be till you fools turn a new leaf.
Bastard fellow
You be idiot

Poverty shall finish off your offspring till their last generation and their shall be no remedy to it! Amen!!

Kaimaonyeana:


Then he shouldn't have gone to visit then. Courtesy demands u visit elderly people u see once in a while bearing gifts. It's the thought that count not the actual gifts it'self. Na wa oo

the mum cant be an elderly woman..we know how ederly women behave.she is a single mum..and men with pot bellies always come visiting with cash gift..hence she xpects same gesture from her daughters bf

Trayceey:
not really. The first time he came to see her, which has been a while now, he didn't come empty handed

Young lady you are making a terrible mistake oo. From all indication, this guy is a good guy. He even came with something the first time.

Till you stay at home with your mum till 40, e go clear for your eyes. Or you loose him to another woman.

Good men scarce oo.

I can even assure you that this guy may dislike your mum forever even if she still forgives and loves you.

You are the sole architect of everything here. Why tell him what your Mum said? By the way, How about buying things for your Mum 2 days later and say that he sent money for it? Or you don't even tell him what your mother said at all because believe me, it reeks of greed and bad taste.

If I were him, I will follow your mother witha 100 feet pole.

osazsky:
even if she apologises the relationship can nerver remain the same..he will continue to look down on her mum even after marraige..i am a man..and u nor know d kind mindset way we get..after this fraca the guy will definately send the mum some cash so that the hole can continue to service him..i know how it will end if this continue especially if the guy has told any of his sibbling or parents..damage control

I understand. but if you notice, she never mentioned it to the guy that the mom complained. so let her keep it to herself that she's the one complaining not the mom...
but hanging call on him is so wrong.



if is me, I will call you back and ask did you hang the call or it was network.... I will really be sure you hanged the call.

AngryIgboDon:


Young lady you are making a terrible mistake oo. From all indication, this guy is a good guy. He even came with something the first time.

Till you stay at home with your mum till 40, e go clear for your eyes. Or you loose him to another woman.

Good men scarce oo.

other girls who dont have such responsible boy friend will be giving her bad advice so that when they break up they quickly jump in..i hope the guy didnt report her to any of his siblings or parent.se let down..which kind eye them wan take they look her mama cuz of 200 bread..banana and groundnut

Fiscus105:



I knew it, you would result to grammatical war, go back to secondary school and do WAEC, IF NOT NECO, YOU WOULDN'T HAVE KNOWN OR SEEN, 4 WALLS OF HIGHER INSTITUTION, back to your 'supposed grammatical intimidation. Why did you seek the help of MS WORD to identify grammatical blunders in an unofficial write up? Saying alot about your academic background. Despite the fact you sought the help of 'application to identify errors, you couldn't say the exact grammatical blunder I made.

Sorry for naija education, NECO and Android devices graduates.

Grammatically and logically your write up made no sense, your funny, ive not even seen my neco result till date, i entered the university with only WAEC. Empty vessels make the loudest noise, you expressing pity for Nigerian education is the joke of the century, at least you should be schooling abroad to pity our educational system, but i am very sure you never see money register for jamb lesson not to talk of going to the university, keypad warrior, claiming online but offline you're very pathetic. May that urgent 2k you are planning to get today die by fire, let me know how you will feed