ceeceeuwa:

ashawo and illiterate

tesseract:


So she should throw the baby away with the bath water...? This your advise shows that you don't have any sense.

he is right o..he cant respect her mum again o..imagine after she gives birth and d mum wants to come to his house for omuguo..d mum let herself down big time..it will be wise if they call it off.the guy will call to apologise and send d mum money so as to sustain the free puna he is getting for now while looking for better options..i b guy i know wat i am saying

Mariangeles:
How come nobody understands the principle of giving gifts and the honour that comes with it?
It is not about what you give, it is the thought that counts.
If the young man had brought something as simple as fruits and the woman complained, then she would've been wrong.

It has nothing to do with poverty. Only someone with poverty mentality would think expecting gift(s) from someone is out of place, and only someone with inferiority complex would think it is a thing of shame to except gift from a certain someone.

"A man's gift makes room for him, and brings him before great men"

Giving gifts will make way for you in the presence of Kings and great men.

My friend shut up! The woman is wrong. Even if she was expecting a gift or even if he was obligated to bring a gift, she shouldn't have held any grouse against him to the point of complaining to her daughter. She should have shrugged it off and be more interested in the personality of the guy and the ability to give his daughter peace.
I am now standing in gap for my father and will not be looking out for one young man to bring me gift because he wants to marry my sister.
When its time for marriage, those things he is obligated to do for the lady's father, i will ask him to discard it and also struggle to see how to bring the financial burden down for him.

SweetCunt97:
Did I say gift everyday? Yes you right, a reasonable mother shouldn't bring up such. Personally I thought it was his first visit

No it’s not, I tell you from my own understanding , first visit is for you to present yourself to the girl family for them to know you and the parents will ask you a few questions

osazsky:
ok as there was no money for bread d bictch couldnt cover up for the guy..ok mum i forgot to tell you o..he sent me 5k to give u the money is in my acc..then she sends her mum 5k..no wonder we dont have mothers again...imagine wat this woman trained and one innocent man is comming to get her as a wife wat a pitty

Bros u dey harsh sha, but these days people don't know hw to code again, like wen my bae came to see my dad for the first time, i bought the drink she presented to him cos she wasn't working at then, if i just left her like that it would ve been disastrous, she should ve cover for the guy, and then when she visit him, she should ve jokely tell him when coming come with something for her mum and tell him the reason for it, and she should also sit down with her mummy and tell her mum not to be expecting gifts all the tym especially this era na anyway commonsense is not common.

Trayceey:
that's your family

My dear sister.... Trayceey, pls don't beat yourself over all those bashes you get from all those folks.

And don't you ever be angry with your mom or make trouble with her for what she did. She did nothing wrong. Mama was only trying to see things from the African worldview.

Also, your fiance did nothing wrong too. If he visited before And brought gifts for mama, I don't see anything wrong in his coming empty handed this time.

Kindly visit your man, make peace with him and then see how to also cover mama's grouse.

Do not lose your man because of something as trivial as this. I repeat, do not lose your man because of something as trivial as this. E get why.

I wish you both a happy relationship that hopefully leads to marriage.

How come your mama was expecting so much from a man yet to marry you?

Biglittlelois:



I cringed when I saw the bolded, is it that your fiance can't eat in your parent's house? Cos I don't understand what you mean by her drink, una nor dey entertain visitors? Smh!!!

that one weak me. They are not just poverty stricken but wicked. It will do that guy a lot good to avoid that family by all means. Wish he is here on nairaland. This type of family will make sure the guy concentrates on them alone and forgets his own family. Tufia. Never knew some adults still reason this way even after education. What does this education even do again?

That's how my ex was mislead by her mother she happened to be my long time girl and I love her so much but then I was still hustling a visit to her mother one night was the end of our relationship.

Mariangeles:


I don't know about the others, but in my tribe (Igbo), that's how things are done.
You don't go to your in-laws bare handed.
It is not an act to be proud of.

Na lie, not always. it's a choice.

odogwunaija:



Really??

Sarcasm mate. Sarcasm.

Kaimaonyeana:


A whole compliment of the season emptyhanded . Na wa ooo

Na wa...all the compliments of the season you did this past festive season was said with you bearing gifts?

Kaimaonyeana:


Then he shouldn't have gone to visit then. Courtesy demands u visit elderly people u see once in a while bearing gifts. It's the thought that count not the actual gifts it'self. Na wa oo

And I understand the courtesy demanding aspect....but like I said earlier, maybe he just did not have much being dt festive seasons are usually so cash intensive, he has probably spent his budget for the period. Does dt mean he should not visit the woman? Most likely sef, might be dt the mum has probably told him to visit whenever he has d chance

izzou:


Whatever hold you feel she has on you, you are an adult. Learn to discern and apply some wisdom

Your mom was not happy with his actions? Fine.

You could just plead with your boyfriend to apologize to her. It's more respectful than asking him why he didn't bring anything

You have just given him a bad impression about your family, especially your mum.

Don't blame him if he thinks your mum is greedy, or going to be difficult

It would have been averted

haba! for what?

Trayceey:
I Need Your Opinion On This Issue That's Threatening My Relationship

My fiance wanted to come to the house to see my mum but I told him I won't be around because I'm about heading out to somewhere, so he asked me if my mum would be around, then I said yes and he said he would still go to see her and it doesn't matter if I'm not around.

When I later got home that night, my mum complained that he came empty handed. He didn't bring anything for her and she was the one who offered him her drink.

Although initially, I didn't see anything wrong with that but when my mum expressed her displeasure, I later called him to ask why he came to the house empty handed then I let him know I wasn't happy with him, that it would have been better if he didn't come. He tried arguing with me but I hung up.

Since then, we haven't spoken to each other nor visited each other. Was I wrong?

Though we have different culture/tradition...
The first time i meet with my Inlaws i gave them 2 bottles of perfume that cost me 10k, they really appreciate that gesture.
I am married now for 5years, Some of my Friends are even praying to have Inlaws like mine.


Let your Man understand that it's culture thing not that you Mum was expecting him to provide for her.
Cos as a matter of fact he may place this simple issue in a negative scale.

On the other hand your Mum shouldn't have reacted to her future inlaw this way.
Frankly speaking her action sent a negative signal not to only your guy but to most Guys on this forum.

Nellsworld:

Ok i get it, but still he should ve still gotten something, even if na bread, we are Africans, especially 9ja we do not go to an elderly house empty handed, or he should ve given an excuse, although the said lady shouldn't ve told him on the phone like that, she should ve codedly told him wen she visit him, like joking abt it and explaining y it is done cos not everyone was brought up like that, like me, i was trained in a way that even if am going to see any elderly person, i must go with something.

Dats jst it. De babe is a no no for me. De guy should leave her . I think de lady is a working class arrogant bitch

Kaimaonyeana:


If he can't afford bread 500naira and a bottle of eva wine 1000naira then, he is not ready to marry. Did anybody say he would buy milo and milk or car? Buying those things is just out of courtesy. Be reasonable abeg.

Eva wine 1k n bread 5h no be for everybody... Get people wey u go give dt kind thing, dem go look you like pauper.

I still believe nigga did nothing wrong. The mum can complain all she wants, its her right. Na the traaceey I blame,..imagine calling me n scolding me on phone and then hanging up when I'm in the middle of my speech...woman you will bring ur kinsmen to beg for reconciliation


Modified... I tire of this back n forth,,,, have a nice day bro shalom

ceeceeuwa:

Even #250 bread, the Bobo no fit buy!
Their hate for women on this forum won't make them see reasons.

becos of ordinary gifts. You guys are taking things too far

Trayceey:
not really. The first time he came to see her, which has been a while now, he didn't come empty handed

Your mum was wrong

Trayceey:
not really. The first time he came to see her, which has been a while now, he didn't come empty handed

What ?

The best time to stop posting and commenting was before you brought this issue to NL. The next best time is now.... you and your mum are all shades of wrong

TransAtlanticEx:
Are you sure you really wanna do this?
Cos I'm ready when you are.
Feed me and my family( a whole my family ooo) for ages yet your mama dey want kill herself say your fiance no buy bread for am?.
Why not use that money weh you want use am feed me and my generation buy your mama provisions keep for house na
And somehow its from this miserly,miserable existence that you wanna feed my family(really rich ) from?
My eldest sister got married in 2004,in 2003 when the man came for introduction,he wore shorts and was empty handed.
You know why?There was nothing he could bring that we don't have and he knew it
What you could have done sef to even cover your bf is send some money to your thirsty mom and claim your bf sent it,but instead you fought with him over it,maybe because you and your mama don plan as una go share the stipends weh the guy suppose bring,
Yet a bottom feeder like you wants to feed my generation?

Wait did she say she is not poor, you can be rich and have a poor mindset, which will destroy you in the long run. We like claiming African culture when it’s time to claim favour and right, it’s in the African Culture that he can marry two wives, I hope she will agree to it too.

You are likely on the verge of losing the only man that could give you rest of mind for the rest of your living. You and your mum are all wrong expecting gift or stipend from the would-be husband.

Some guys nowadays, because of experiences they have would be careful and strategic enough to know how lack/demanding the wife family is before they will tie the knot to evaluate the lifetime liabilities involved. knowing that if its much than his income estimate then its a no-go deal

If you really love a man and you're seeing him as your husband then you need to adjust your lack mentality and take corrections.


MY PENNY TO YOU

Trayceey:
I Need Your Opinion On This Issue That's Threatening My Relationship

My fiance wanted to come to the house to see my mum but I told him I won't be around because I'm about heading out to somewhere, so he asked me if my mum would be around, then I said yes and he said he would still go to see her and it doesn't matter if I'm not around.

When I later got home that night, my mum complained that he came empty handed. He didn't bring anything for her and she was the one who offered him her drink.

Although initially, I didn't see anything wrong with that but when my mum expressed her displeasure, I later called him to ask why he came to the house empty handed then I let him know I wasn't happy with him, that it would have been better if he didn't come. He tried arguing with me but I hung up.

Since then, we haven't spoken to each other nor visited each other. Was I wrong?

Trayceey:
not really. The first time he came to see her, which has been a while now, he didn't come empty handed

You really need a paradigm shift in your thinking, it simply makes no sense to expect gifts everytime he visits your mum, what have you done for his own mum.

TransAtlanticEx:
Are you sure you really wanna do this?
Cos I'm ready when you are.
Feed me and my family( a whole my family ooo) for ages yet your mama dey want kill herself say your fiance no buy bread for am?.
Why not use that money weh you want use am feed me and my generation buy your mama provisions keep for house na
And somehow its from this miserly,miserable existence that you wanna feed my family(really rich ) from?
My eldest sister got married in 2004,in 2003 when the man came for introduction,he wore shorts and was empty handed.
You know why?There was nothing he could bring that we don't have and he knew it
What you could have done sef to even cover your bf is send some money to your thirsty mom and claim your bf sent it,but instead you fought with him over it,maybe because you and your mama don plan as una go share the stipends weh the guy suppose bring,
Yet a bottom feeder like you wants to feed my generation?

with your mentality I am so sure your guy was confused on what to buy that will satisfy your mom...

Coolgent:

Though we have different culture/tradition...
The first time i meet with my Inlaws i gave them 2 bottles of perfume that cost me 10k, they really appreciate that gesture.
I am married now for 5years, Some of my Friends are even praying to have Inlaws like mine.


Let your Man understand that it's culture thing not that you Mum was expecting him to provide for her.
Cos as a matter of fact he may place this simple issue in a negative scale.

On the other hand your Mum shouldn't have reacted to her future inlaw this way.
Frankly speaking her action sent a negative signal not to only you guy but to most Guys on this forum.

ur u bought gift only the first time consequently u stop.pls sir read the write up.it was not a fitst time visit ..d innocent first son has been visiting before.how i wish i could get his numb..so many good girls dey my hand i need to start sharing numb

Trayceey:
I Need Your Opinion On This Issue That's Threatening My Relationship

My fiance wanted to come to the house to see my mum but I told him I won't be around because I'm about heading out to somewhere, so he asked me if my mum would be around, then I said yes and he said he would still go to see her and it doesn't matter if I'm not around.

When I later got home that night, my mum complained that he came empty handed. He didn't bring anything for her and she was the one who offered him her drink.

Although initially, I didn't see anything wrong with that but when my mum expressed her displeasure, I later called him to ask why he came to the house empty handed then I let him know I wasn't happy with him, that it would have been better if he didn't come. He tried arguing with me but I hung up.

Since then, we haven't spoken to each other nor visited each other. Was I wrong?

a poor woman is better than a person with a poor mentality

So if he bringing a business deal to improve your mum’s fortune. He will go and look for gift first before coming to visit your mum. Na wa o

Bennysam:

No it’s not, I tell you from my own understanding , first visit is for you to present yourself to the girl family for them to know you and the parents will ask you a few questions

Yes

Even though i think your mum should not have reacted and you also should have wisely dropped the issue as it is possible he didnt have the means or that it didnt occur to him that you dont visit someone emptyhanded especially someone whose daughter or son you want to marry until you have become a well accepted person to them. It is just the appropriate thing when visiting someone.
Even the whites we are trying to copy in this case will visit with chocolates, a bottle of wine ....
All these men ranting, most of their mothers
(especially the easterners) are worse when it comes to issues like this. Some will be expecting the lady to bring george lace, quality wrappers etc.
Sis next time present your case either to your fiance or your future husband wisely so you dont create enemity between them

Trayceey:
not really. The first time he came to see her, which has been a while now, he didn't come empty handed

Am happy you've settled with your man.

Please, this is a lesson for you, never discuss any bad remarks your family give your spouse with him and always defend him. It's not his first time so your mum shouldn't have raised it at all.

I don't visit anyone empty handed, i have been thought, my friends knows me.