Oharina:

Please what criteria did u use to know that stupidmod2 has brought course upon himself? Smh!

it's the law of life. The old woman never insulted anyone. She only shared her thoughts and feelings. How dare they insult an elderly person like that? For each and everyone that insulted that innocent elderly woman, they've brought a life time curse upon their lives

Anyiiii:
it's the law of life. The old woman never insulted anyone. She only shared her thoughts and feelings. How dare they insult an elderly person like that? For each and everyone that insulted that innocent elderly woman, they've brought a life time curse upon their lives

Shut up you are not God nor law of kama

Freemasonry:

You see!
He’s not really as stingy as you make it seem.
He probably didn’t think bringing stuff for your mom was a lifelong ritual.
Please lose this mentality and get your man back.

Enough advice for the wise, finding good men now is hard

Anyiiii:
it's the law of life. The old woman never insulted anyone. She only shared her thoughts and feelings. How dare they insult an elderly person like that? For each and everyone that insulted that innocent elderly woman, they've brought a life time curse upon their lives

abeg shut up. which useless human curse with there mouth filled with sins n gossip n hate. rubbish

izzou:
I find it funny that you are still defending the irritating attitude your mum displayed

He did not bring any gift (as a boyfriend) and your mum is angry. I wonder what would happen when he marries you

Always apply wisdom, my sister. It's not everything you talk or react to. You could have simply apologized on his behalf and talk to him to apologize to your mum, rather than confront him on why he didn't bring anything.

I just pray you don't ruin a good relationship because of gift

And the worst thing she hang up with him on the phone. I thought it was my ex that only do that madness, so it's Nigerian girls mentality to hang up on the phone. I will never marry a woman who hang up on my phone

Mariangeles:


We are Africans. Let us be honest with ourselves.

A man going alone to visit his would-be mother in-law empty handed is a red flag. Something to worry about.
What was the purpose of the visit?
Even as a female, it is still wrong to go visit the mother of the man you're going to marry empty handed.

God bless you with dis post, some people here are just too fast to comment on a post without thinking properly. Hauling insult on d lady like dey are from d moon. God bless u once more

Trayceey:
I Need Your Opinion On This Issue That's Threatening My Relationship

My fiance wanted to come to the house to see my mum but I told him I won't be around because I'm about heading out to somewhere, so he asked me if my mum would be around, then I said yes and he said he would still go to see her and it doesn't matter if I'm not around.

When I later got home that night, my mum complained that he came empty handed. He didn't bring anything for her and she was the one who offered him her drink.

Although initially, I didn't see anything wrong with that but when my mum expressed her displeasure, I later called him to ask why he came to the house empty handed then I let him know I wasn't happy with him, that it would have been better if he didn't come. He tried arguing with me but I hung up.

Since then, we haven't spoken to each other nor visited each other. Was I wrong?

Personally,I think it's wrong for d guy to come without getting something. Even if it's not d first time,it was d guy's freewill to come, so getting something small nomatter what is necessary, even if it's just fruits.
We are Nigerians nd we have our culture here ,we were trained to do d right thing. Train up a child in d way he should go so as not to depart from it.
Don't ever compare our culture with that of British nd American bcuz they were trained not to respect pple nd they can easily tell their parents Bleep u nd arrest them ,but we weren't trained that way.
Since they are in-laws to be,it is very important to buy something when visiting bcuz whenever u visit ur own parents u will definitely buy something.
Come to think of it,if d lady visits ur own parents without buying a gift along ,how will d guy feels?

TransAtlanticEx:

Speak for your clan,we don't do that where I come from and I'm also igbo.
We are not beggars and we like to hold our heads up high,
Giving should only come from the givers own volition and not some silly expectation,
Atleast where I come from.

Hathor5:


My thoughts. He took his time to visit her mom even though his girl wasn't around which is really nice. The women in my family would be concerned if he has already eaten and serve him food whether he is hungry or not instead of complaining about him not bringing gifts. Ungrateful lot.

exactly what the mum should have done

Anyiiii:
it's the law of life. The old woman never insulted anyone. She only shared her thoughts and feelings. How dare they insult an elderly person like that? For each and everyone that insulted that innocent elderly woman, they've brought a life time curse upon their lives

It's just common here on nairaland to see people insulting others for no good reason. Visiting an elderly woman for d first time empty handed is a no no. Their is a popular saying dat first impression matters a lot

Ghostrye:

Wawu, see entitlement, even #250 bread. Na your mama buy the bread put for his hand? Damn annoying leeches crawling up for themselves.

CalliDora1:
Lol.. some people though.

The guy no owe you and your mum anything at boyfriend and girlfriend level. In fact if it was me, shame will not allow me tell the guy what my mum said. waaaat?? Ordinary boyfriend? If you now marry nkor? You mum will now turn tax collector? Babes, it's not right.

Let the guy do it from his heart if he feels like. Not you people forcing him. My mum would never do such.

I remember when my eldest sisters boyfriend ( now her husband) used to come to our house then, my mum will be the one
running Helter skelter to entertain him and never expects anything from him cos she feels they are both children. And On his own, he'll just bring rice for us at Christmas without asking him.

You and your mum should calm down. Haba!

Lol na the type your family Nigerian men dey look for, the entitlement is too much, this is the only time the boy friend went to the house empty hand o not that he has been going there empty before Nawaoo

So, you inherited your mother's hunger. Good for you.

Trayceey:
I Need Your Opinion On This Issue That's Threatening My Relationship

My fiance wanted to come to the house to see my mum but I told him I won't be around because I'm about heading out to somewhere, so he asked me if my mum would be around, then I said yes and he said he would still go to see her and it doesn't matter if I'm not around.

When I later got home that night, my mum complained that he came empty handed. He didn't bring anything for her and she was the one who offered him her drink.

Although initially, I didn't see anything wrong with that but when my mum expressed her displeasure, I later called him to ask why he came to the house empty handed then I let him know I wasn't happy with him, that it would have been better if he didn't come. He tried arguing with me but I hung up.

Since then, we haven't spoken to each other nor visited each other. Was I wrong?

patoski39:
who doesn't know chief logo Benz a.k.a nwaneni, except ya new 2 this forum..

It's obvious the girl and her mother don't like the guy because he's not flashy and doesn't seem like the destiny helper they've been praying for.. She only keeping him on the side to fall back on before menopause

Hahha sharp guy

patoski39:
who doesn't know chief logo Benz a.k.a nwaneni, except ya new 2 this forum..

It's obvious the girl and her mother don't like the guy because he's not flashy and doesn't seem like the destiny helper they've been praying for.. She only keeping him on the side to fall back on before menopause

You mean before another highest bidder show up Abi then they will dump his ass Sharp guy

Sixfeetbelle:


No one will complain if he doesn't bring that one time in 20 times. But surely people will complain if he doesn't bring in his second visit.

I sha have seen from this thread that this thing is about upbringing, but it may transcend into nonchalance if not checked. A guy who gets a free pass for not bringing gifts when visiting his future in-laws may end up not bothering to bring a gift at their wedding anniversary or celebration.

Honestly, U are on point

basbone:
There is nothing as great as good companionship. Gifts or no gifts. His presence alone is all the gifts you and your mom needed. It shows he is not a Playboy. He is serious in being acquainted with you and your family. There's nothing great as when a stranger visits you to know about your welfare. What even your family members will find very hard to do.

Shey you go marry? On your wedding day, will you tell me you expect all the guests there to give you gifts? Even your family members, not all of them will bring gifts but you'll be happy that they came right? Please change that mindset.

Lol Nigerian mum and their entitlement will not allow them to reason like that o, na to see Benz body they Shake

emmaodet:





Baba how your side now? Compliment of the season.

This thread sweet me die i swear, i just dey laff since

Hahha wickedness So you know how nairaland is sweet Abi, go back to your facebook abeg

tesseract:


So she should throw the baby away with the bath water...? This your advise shows that you don't have any sense.

Happy New Year,

I know I have made your day, Junkie.

nitoriolohun:

Pls don't misquote the scripture, the gift here is talking about talents.
That wasn't the first time the guy visited and when he did he brought something. Is it everytime one will be carrying nylon up n down. The guy knows well that giving gifts corrupts and he might be there to ascertain some doubt,believe or concept.

The woman should have used it as an opportunity to have an unbiased mind with the young man and enjoy his company than making an issue over gifts.

Your statement is it every time that one will be carrying nylon up and down makes me throw away my cup

izzou:


The lady's problem is that she can't even think on her own

At first, she didn't see anything wrong. But because mama dey vex, she decided to see reason where there was none.

The mama was even annoyed that she entertained him without getting Ankara, or Bag in return

Chai

Hahay She is waiting for Akara Abi

Juliearth:




I wonder why she didn't give him credence for paying her mother a visit. Only a man who means business would do that.

Lol our Nigerian mums don't understand that o, just come with a big bread that's all Hahha

This guy in question had already been a molestation to himself even before leaving home ... What transpired upon his visit was just a manifestation of his thoughtless idle visit. The mother in question also needs wisdom, she could have done better addressing and correcting this foolish man in question in love ( that's if there exist any) The man and the daughter I thought should be seen as hers.

Hassanmaye:

Lol our Nigerian mums don't understand that o, just come with a big bread that's all Hahha

Smiles

Nairaland sweet me today o

What's my own
If there are no kids in the house I won't buy anything for anybody....
If there are no sick person in the house I won't buy anything.
if I'm not coming to seek for your hand in marriage
I won't buy anything.
And finally if it's not a birthday ( mum or pops ) I won't buy anything......
The only people I always buy things for are people in the village simple....
When I begining to buy things for you for no reason just know I'm trying to buy you over to my side....
So your mind won't focus on my nagative side ......

phyl123:
Op you could have covered for your BF by saying you asked him not to bother. It’s a bit embarrassing for your mum to be expecting something from a stranger. Instead she should.have chatted with him more to get to know him more. Your BF sounds like a decent guy.

This is why some guys would advices others not to date some broke and poor ladies. cos poverty is a big threats to their common sense makin them to be incapable of loving their man without billing and reckless demandings to feed their low self-esteem . all bent on taking advantage of the man at slightest opportunity. Africans especially Nigerian society are raised to be parasitic on man whether rich or poor. and poverty can only make it worst. from the way the op handled the whole issue, i see no love from the op to her man only an end to her means. dats a red flag
I wouldn't blame the mother who might not understand courtesy visit. most mum are only in for the gram.
If the man is wise and not a simpson he should run as far as his leg can carry him.

Mothers don't have any hold if you don't give them, this is exactly what an average smart guy is afraid of and you've given your guy the signal that you're that kind of lady, "ladies that are controlled by their mothers"!

How can you be supporting your Mum over your fiance because of gifts when that's not even his first time of coming to your house! We've seen marriages that have crashed because the couple allowed their mothers to intrude into their relationship, you're not yet married and you're fighting your man because of gifts for your Mum .

Trayceey:
I'm not defending my mum. You know these mothers always have a hold on us

Anyiiii:
You made a big mistake bringing this issue to nairaland, a home of mad people, drunkards, nitwits, jobless, hopeless and frustrated people. People without home training who lack respect for the elderly. Don't make the same mistakes again. Their opinions don't count.

nairaland people are from Jupiter abi

you are not bright

Neither you or your mum is to be blamed, it's the guy that is not discipline, going to an in laws place empty handed

GIANTPLUSHUB:


Traceey, we have passed that culture things. Now, everyone is trying to be careful and put somethings into test. You see, your man did nothing wrong at all.

How about he does not takes anything to your house but he gives you peace and comfort in marriage and always support if any situation arises in your own family side?

You need to think and go beg your man. So far he's a good guy to you. Somethings just need wisdom. Since he's into going to your house without buying something along. Next time, whenever he wants to go, try and meet him up and handover something to him to give them at home. Maybe as time goes on, he will get used to it. Do this with calm and good words, like you just want your family to see him as a more better good man.

All the very best.

She want to choose culture over the love and respect the guy have for her and the family