I am aware this might not be the experience of every couple but the many couple I have interacted with, the story is pretty much the same: the wife losing interest in sex once she gets married to the man and especially once children start coming.

For certain couples it isn't as obvious as that, the wife simply approaches sex as a mechanical function that she needs to get over with and perhaps do something else.

Why do you think this is so? Can one say it's because once married the woman feels socially secured and doesn't need to put in any effort to win the man? Or does it have anything to do with changing biology?

Personally, this is my worst fear...I detest cheaters. I need to marry a nymph.

ArcFresky:
Personally, this is my worst fear...I detest cheaters. I need to marry a nymph.

I think you meant cheats.

We share same belief, I detest cheats with passion, I have absolutely no second chance to give them.

bizme:
I am aware this might not be the experience of every couple but the many couple I have interacted with, the story is pretty much the same: the wife losing interest in sex once she gets married to the man and especially once children start coming. For certain couples it isn't as obvious as that, the wife simply approaches sex as a mechanical function that she needs to get over with and perhaps do something else. Why do you think this is so? Can one say it's because once married the woman feels socially secured and doesn't need to put in any effort to win the man? Or does it have anything to do with changing biology?

Women use sex to buy love. Men use love to buy sex. Like any economic transaction each party is looking to find a bargain, i.e. spend the minimum amount of their currency to purchase the maximum amount of the service they need. So once women have gotten the man's commitment, they will thereafter spend as little sex as is necessary to keep him from straying to another market. Whereas, once a man has acquired the woman's sexual favours, he will spend the minimum amount of love and commitment to keep her from withholding them. The best solution is to marry more than one wife. Thereafter, they can share the sexual burden among themselves, and the man can pretend to love all of them equally and share a little of his attention among each of them; satisfying all parties involved.

Factoid of life. Free of charge for you.

This isn't really about cheats or cheating in a marriage relationship but about many couples' observation that after the wedding the woman tend to de-prioritize sex. Unfortunately sex is a huge thing for a man even when for peace sake he has learned to stop asking for it.

ArcFresky:
Personally, this is my worst fear...I detest cheaters. I need to marry a nymph.

I really enjoyed your exposition although I disagree with your prescription of polygamy as the solution. If your premise is correct it means everyone of the polygamously acquired wife will eventually lose taste for sex. So the cycle continues... How many wives would a man then need to keep to sustain his sexual desires?

RisenPhoenix1:


Women use sex to buy love. Men use love to buy sex. Like any economic transaction each party is looking to find a bargain, i.e. spend the minimum amount of their currency to purchase the maximum amount of the service they need. So once women have gotten the man's commitment, they will thereafter spend as little sex as is necessary to keep him from straying to another market. Whereas, once a man has acquired the woman's sexual favours, he will spend the minimum amount of love and commitment to keep her from withholding them. The best solution is to marry more than one wife. Thereafter, they can share the sexual burden among themselves, and the man can pretend to love all of them equally and share a little of his attention among each of them; satisfying all parties involved.

Factoid of life. Free of charge for you.

bizme:
I really enjoyed your exposition although I disagree with your prescription of polygamy as the solution. If your premise is correct it means everyone of the polygamously acquired wife will eventually lose taste for sex. So the cycle continues... How many wives would a man then need to keep to sustain his sexual desires?

With polygamy, there would be rivalry. Each woman would double up on her efforts to keep more of their mutual husband's attention. There will also always be a nagging feeling that another wife is getting more sex than her, and this will trigger the wife to try to get even more from the husband (keeping a greater share of the market so to speak). Finally, a woman always finds a man infinitely more attractive when he is not readily available to her beck and call; and it also triggers their possessiveness when other available females find him attractive. All these complexities will work in his favour.

A woman in a female herd does not think the same way as a woman with exclusive attention to a man. Polygamy is a woman leveller and destroys all their transactional techniques; that is why women hate it. It is like the difference between a customer's options in a monopoly and in a free market; the man being the customer in this case.

mosdii:
Nigerian Girls Are Useless...All Of Them

I think you should contribute intelligently and logically. This post isn't for people like you. Mind you "All of them" includes your mother, sisters, aunties,female friends" etc so you need to watch your words.

Some married women said most of their husbands are not romantic enough, some husbands concentrate more on work than their family. Etc

esthel:
I think you should contribute intelligently and logically. This post isn't for people like you. Mind you "All of them" includes your mother, sisters, aunties,female friends" etc so you need to watch your words.

You are blessed for that

RisenPhoenix1:


Women use sex to buy love. Men use love to buy sex. Like any economic transaction each party is looking to find a bargain, i.e. spend the minimum amount of their currency to purchase the maximum amount of the service they need. So once women have gotten the man's commitment, they will thereafter spend as little sex as is necessary to keep him from straying to another market. Whereas, once a man has acquired the woman's sexual favours, he will spend the minimum amount of love and commitment to keep her from withholding them. The best solution is to marry more than one wife. Thereafter, they can share the sexual burden among themselves, and the man can pretend to love all of them equally and share a little of his attention among each of them; satisfying all parties involved.

Factoid of life. Free of charge for you.

This has crackhaus written all over it!

ArcFresky:
Personally, this is my worst fear...I detest cheaters. I need to marry a nymph.

Just know that Nymphomania is a mental disorder.

Thanks for the reprimand. I'm honestly tired of people like that whose only contribution is to attack people they don't know. I am beginning to think that there several adolescents on NL.

esthel:
I think you should contribute intelligently and logically. This post isn't for people like you. Mind you "All of them" includes your mother, sisters, aunties,female friends" etc so you need to watch your words.

mariahAngel:


This has crackhaus written all over it!

If it does, then crackhaus is right. This is readily observable fact.

Your thinking is sound, but I doubt that polygamy is the perfect solution. It's not all men that are cut out for polygamy.

Oftentimes the couple is counseled to communicate more, but I personally am not certain how effective that is.

RisenPhoenix1:


With polygamy, there would be rivalry. Each woman would double up on her efforts to keep more of their mutual husband's attention. There will also always be a nagging feeling that another wife is getting more sex than her, and this will trigger the wife to try to get even more from the husband (keeping a greater share of the market so to speak). Finally, a woman always finds a man infinitely more attractive when he is not readily available to her beck and call; and it also triggers their possessiveness when other available females find him attractive. All these complexities will work in his favour.

A woman in a female herd does not think the same way as a woman with exclusive attention to a man. Polygamy is a woman leveller and destroys all their transactional techniques; that is why women hate it. It is like the difference between a customer's options in a monopoly and in a free market; the man being the customer in this case.

bizme:
I really enjoyed your exposition although I disagree with your prescription of polygamy as the solution. If your premise is correct it means everyone of the polygamously acquired wife will eventually lose taste for sex. So the cycle continues... How many wives would a man then need to keep to sustain his sexual desires?

Don't mind him.

Polygamy will lead you to an early grave because of sex. No go do pass yourself o!

bizme:
This isn't really about cheats or cheating in a marriage relationship but about many couples' observation that after the wedding the woman tend to de-prioritize sex. Unfortunately sex is a huge thing for a man even when for peace sake he has learned to stop asking for it.

See this video: https://www.instagram.com/tv/CG3pOUajOrO/?igshid=1g5joiuduxwm9

bizme:
Your thinking is sound, but I doubt that polygamy is the perfect solution. It's not all men that are cut out for polygamy.

Oftentimes the couple is counseled to communicate more, but I personally am not certain how effective that is.

That is only because you have been exposed to a barrage of misinformation from all sides; Hollywood, Nollywood, relationship advice, etc. If you had voiced out your doubts about polygamy to your grandfather, he would have probably laughed out loud in your face and told you stories about the advantages. That is when men were men and knew that they were all cut out for polygamy (or they were considered effeminate).

Communicate away bro, communicate away. You asked for solutions and I told you what works. But you are free to try out what you like for as long as you want to. Just remember the only working solution; for when you have to get back to it at last.

RisenPhoenix1:


That is only because you have been exposed to a barrage of misinformation from all sides; Hollywood, Nollywood, relationship advice, etc. If you had voiced out your doubts about polygamy to your grandfather, he would have probably laughed out loud in your face and told you stories about the advantages. That is when men were men and knew that they were all cut out for polygamy (or they were considered effeminate).

Communicate away bro, communicate away. You asked for solutions and I told you what works. But you are free to try out what you like for as long as you want to. Just remember the only working solution; for when you have to get back to it at last.

Let's say we go with it:

The question is can most men of nowadays do what the men of old did?
Can they do what their grandfathers and great grandfathers did?
Can they cater for a polygamous family? Heck! They're even barely able to cater for a monogamous family, talk more of...

Na by talk?

Since you have begun to make unfounded attributions let me ask you,

1.) Are you married?
2.) Are you married to two or more wives?
3.) Why do you think your grandfather's peculiar circumstances (high infant mortality, need for in-house bred manual labour to work the fields, much lower ratio of marriageable men to women ) are relevant in the present days, especially considering that most of their wives were genitally mutilated and many of them were any way non-responsive to sex (i.e. the issue of waning desire for sex for their women may not be the same in our days)?
4.) Whatever makes you think your opinion is the only working solution?

RisenPhoenix1:


That is only because you have been exposed to a barrage of misinformation from all sides; Hollywood, Nollywood, relationship advice, etc. If you had voiced out your doubts about polygamy to your grandfather, he would have probably laughed out loud in your face and told you stories about the advantages. That is when men were men and knew that they were all cut out for polygamy (or they were considered effeminate).

Communicate away bro, communicate away. You asked for solutions and I told you what works. But you are free to try out what you like for as long as you want to. Just remember the only working solution; for when you have to get back to it at last.

mariahAngel:


Let's say we go with it:

The question is can most men of nowadays do what the men of old did?
Can they do what their grandfathers and great grandfathers did?
Can they cater for a polygamous family? Heck! They're even barely able to cater for a monogamous family, talk more of...

Na by talk?

They can cater for as many as they wish to if they restrict their standards to that which they can afford and not allow 'show' to rule their spending. That is what our grandfathers did.

Let's not go down that particular rabbit hole. It is only people without a good knowledge of history that tries to idolize the past and paint the present in grimmer hue. In the past there were utility values for polygamy that were peculiar to that time. First, most of the households were farmers with hundreds and thousands of acres to till. The fact that there was no organized labour as it were (sometimes community arrangements existed), each man literally had to produce his own workforce in-house. In other words, there was a specific need for having several children.
Secondly, diseases like malaria, sickle disease, polio, and many communicable diseases that were not understood, were killing children in particular in droves. And surviving to adulthood literally became a game of numbers. You might start out with 10 children under the age of 5 and only 1 or 2 survived to adulthood. It is not uncommon for most grandmothers 90 years and above to tell stories of how many children they gave birth to and how many actually survived. This in particular, together with the first point, necessitated the polygamous arrangement.

Lastly, mortality rate for men was much terrible at the time, many dying from communal clashes and wars or getting raided by slave-traders. More women, much fewer men.

Polygamy served specific societal purposes and it wasn't because of sex or waning desire for sex. Most wives were circumcised, and it was generally frowned upon for a wife to enjoy sex any way.

I am setting the record straight here because that guy was incorrectly trying to paint a lofty picture of the past.

mariahAngel:


Let's say we go with it:

The question is can most men of nowadays do what the men of old did?
Can they do what their grandfathers and great grandfathers did?
Can they cater for a polygamous family? Heck! They're even barely able to cater for a monogamous family, talk more of...

Na by talk?

I think it is the law of demand and supply that is mostly at play.

After marriage, it becomes so much more available to a woman.

RisenPhoenix1:


Women use sex to buy love. Men use love to buy sex. Like any economic transaction each party is looking to find a bargain, i.e. spend the minimum amount of their currency to purchase the maximum amount of the service they need. So once women have gotten the man's commitment, they will thereafter spend as little sex as is necessary to keep him from straying to another market. Whereas, once a man has acquired the woman's sexual favours, he will spend the minimum amount of love and commitment to keep her from withholding them. The best solution is to marry more than one wife. Thereafter, they can share the sexual burden among themselves, and the man can pretend to love all of them equally and share a little of his attention among each of them; satisfying all parties involved.

Factoid of life. Free of charge for you.

What!!!!

bizme:
Since you have begun to make unfounded attributions let me ask you,

1.) Are you married?
2.) Are you married to two or more wives?
3.) Why do you think your grandfather's peculiar circumstances (high infant mortality, need for in-house bred manual labour to work the fields, much lower ratio of marriageable men to women ) are relevant in the present days, especially considering that most of their wives were genitally mutilated and many of them were any way non-responsive to sex (i.e. the issue of waning desire for sex for their women may not be the same in our days)?
4.) Whatever makes you think your opinion is the only working solution?

1.) Yes.
2.) In the works. I have one or two options currently lined up. I have to make sure my choice is the right one. I don't like divorce.
3.) Polygamy is not about any of those things. That was a myth perpetuated to justify the abandonment of polygamy in an increasingly feminist world. And by the way, your theory on female circumcision does not hold water. If anything, circumcised women should have had even less desire for sex than women of today, physiologically speaking; but like I said, that is not even a factor at all.
4.) Observation, and it's not an opinion. It's established fact. Our grandfathers showed that. But like I said, it is not by force, you can go ahead and try talking communication instead. I wish you luck.

To
1.) Good one.
2.) I believe that effectively moderates how one should take your advice. You are not a practicing polygamist, you have not been one and you are unlikely to know for sure if polygamy is the solution to the point being raised.
3.) Actually, it's not a myth, it's very recent history and many with old parents or grandparents will readily corroborate the main gist of my submission. It has nothing to do with feminism. A man that feels the need to be defensive in the face of feminism and using polygamy to do that, is actually a weak man. A real man logically assesses his situation and evolves an intervention, not because of some feministic ideology but in spite of it as though it never existed in the first place.
4.) And no, it is fallacy and not fact. You are generally not allowed to elevate an opinion to the level of a fact.

Some of us don't mind waiting for you to try out polygamy as a solution to deprioritization of sex by women post-wedding; then we can see if your advice is the solution. :-) Right now, you are not qualified to enthrone a suggestion you haven't tested to the pedestal you are placing it on.

RisenPhoenix1:


1.) Yes.
2.) In the works. I have one or two options currently lined up. I have to make sure my choice is the right one. I don't like divorce.
3.) Polygamy is not about any of those things. That was a myth perpetuated to justify the abandonment of polygamy in an increasingly feminist world. And by the way, your theory on female circumcision does not hold water. If anything, circumcised women should have had even less desire for sex than women of today, physiologically speaking; but like I said, that is not even a factor at all.
4.) Observation, and it's not an opinion. It's established fact. Our grandfathers showed that. But like I said, it is not by force, you can go ahead and try talking communication instead. I wish you luck.

a fact.

Na food?

On a more serious note though, I think what usually causes it is, the woman is most times overwhelmed with the wifely duties at the homefront. in the process she's expended therefore sex will be the last thing on her mind as the passion for it will have died from exaustion from doing chores. If you observed, it usually happens after the kids have started coming and the workload has increased.

If the man can make arrangements for a house help ( not necessarily a live-in help) to assist with the chores, the woman will be more relaxed to reason sex as it's only a relaxed mind that can get a woman in the mood .

ArcFresky:
Personally, this is my worst fear...I detest cheaters. I need to marry a nymph.

Lol. Waaaat?? because of sex?
Be careful what you wish for though.

Better pass food sef. :-D

CalliDora1:

Na food?

Olunmercy56:
Some married women said most of their husbands are not romantic enough, some husbands concentrate more on work than their family. Etc

Their family how?

We are discussing sex life in marriage.