₦airaland Forum

Firstclass3030:
Even after she mentioned there were both financially buoyant, trust the guy too isn't doing badly.. Sometimes some people read undertone when you speak, it might not be insecurities. Trust me. It will not just be the fact that she bought the car that will make baba ghost.. She said. "I ended the call" and still expected him too call back.. Who does that because "he should know you are hurt". Two wrongs don't make a right., hanging up on him was wrong, he yelling at you wasn't right either.. You waited a whole week for the niqqa too come running.. I like the sincerity in her write up but the guy wasn't totally wrong.

I don't understand you guys, so she should have listened to all the insults? The useless guy is just jealous of her success, if he really wanted to apologise to her he would have done it face to face.
Besides she has followed up with calls for 3 weeks and he is not responding, who is he, even GOD ALMIGHTY forgives let alone one useless leaching rat,
OP dump him and move on with your life.

Left am

babakb:
Look at how heartless people like you sound, do you know how hard it is to make money out there, the useless guy has been leaching on her for 4 good years yet she should keep quiet and listen to all his insults on phone, it's like you guys want OP to develop high BP or become a slave to that egocentric guy.

OP listen with your 2 ears, harden your heart and dump that bastard, take your mom and sister and cruise your car, focus on your hustle and the right guy will approach you, if you accept him back you will never be happy.

The guy wasn't an hungry lad, I'm sure she will have moved too. She might just be a nice lady that care, not like the guy depends on her too survive. But regardless of all the rant, which I think is wrong. Hanging up the phone on him wasn't right either.. The guy is man enuf not too have called her back or again. Based on your advise she shouldn't have called the niqqa back.. I love a man with integrity.. Never lose such a man, just settle scores with him that's if he still wants back. A lot of hungry lots will form loyalty just too drain you and get / milk you and still ghost... He's my man of the year tho

I truly hope only less than 10% of Nigerian 'men' think like this.

Who are these men who are seeking financial domination? In today's world?

Lol.

Tribalism123:
Girl u failed in many places o.
U are financially okay. That's good.
But don't exercise it to ur boyfriend or husband tomorrow. A man is very proud and responsible when he is the one taking care of ur needs no matter how ALALIJAD u become. Humble urself before him.
U made ur contact. It shows u have more contact than him.
U made ur prompt payment and clearance.
Girl u just intimidated my fellow man.
In his mind, u don't need him except sex or marriage to have children.
And the way u wrote shows that u can tell him someday to keep his money, u will buy ur own house. Very interestingly annoying.
Allow him to be. I Know u have invested four years already. So he has too.
There are hidden attitudes attached to ur financial Independence that is eating him up.
I KNOW he is fed up.

Sorry o.

That ba truth be this.

A lady's financial Independence most often is a threat to her happiness.

I have a friend that is yet to marry today. But she has money. Men are afraid of her because she can get anything for herself.

Surprisingly. A man will always want to approve what his woman will buy even with her own money.


Learn to seek ur man's approval. Very necessary but if course not for the feminists

babakb:
I don't understand you guys, so she should have listened to all the insults? The useless guy is just jealous of her success, if he really wanted to apologise to her he would have done it face to face.
Besides she has followed up with calls for 3 weeks and he is not responding, who is he, even GOD ALMIGHTY forgives let alone one useless leaching rat,
OP dump him and move on with your life.

Lol.. Jealous of her success?? C'mon. Even she mentioned the guy gave amoral support. That guy doesn't appear to me like an hater, he just have a little misconception about her personality which he might. Not be comfortable with. It will not be a crime to explain few things to the niqqa. Its a relationship and there are still knowing each others flaw. Cutting him off and waiting for him to call back then waiting one whole week.. C'mon.. Lets be fair. If he was your brother. Im sure its the same advise you'd give him. The op writeup is sincere and balance. She needs some truth not anyone taking sides.

Sammology:
Hanty, how old are you and how old is he

The story is far from complete and it’s doesn’t add up,

If you are in a relationship for 4 years which I doubt, cause in a 4 year relationship you could be communicating with mere looking at each other

Respect is the problem in your relationship not insecurity

As you brought a car without letting him know and telling him that he isn’t married to you, so also you can get pregnant and give birth for another person and tell him that he ain’t married to you. By the way people marry people that have children with other persons.

If the love is there just make sure you find him and reconcile in any way necessary even if he is going out with someone else. Beg him to come back, tell him he has to choose you before another person which means he has no choice other than you,
Forget some people advice here ooo
Some of them cannot keep relationship, some even be their partner some are even serial cheaters
Follow your heart not another person’s idea

This is your happiness we are talking about

Wrong.

Her guy is looking for a slave that will pay all the Bills if they eventually marry, he wants to make her feel guilty and manipulate her, OP please don't ever Beg that useless egocentric guy, never seek any approval from a boyfriend to spend your hard earned money.

He is a loser and he has lost you, just move on

.

I think 2 and 6 are bad pieces of advice.

2. She should not reduce her earning power for any body. If he had any financial difficulty, what will she do?

6. It is very difficult to raise a family, children or not, on one average to middle class person's income. Marriage is a partnership and both partners must continue equitably.

Shokoloko:
1. "Close to four years" is too long.

2. "Insecurity" on the part of a man: The relationship cannot survive. If you decide to try to get him back, consider searching for a lower-paying job

3. Lack of integrity. "doesn't return if he so wishes" - financial assistance must be returned and then the financier can forgive the debt. It goes both ways whether male or female.

4. "never for once helped out on those request despite knowing he has - Do I need to explain this as well?

5. "told him about my plans" "All of this moves were known to him" I see an attempt at teamwork here which is good.

6. "ill always want to get my stuffs myself as long as I can afford it." No, wrong move a male spouse or intending spouse is a provider even if you can afford it.

7. "he knew I wasn't going to be a good wife" - from day one he knew. Men usually know what they want permanently and what they want to keep till they find what they want permanently. That's why I said 4 years is too long.

8. "so I decided to call him and he didn't pick" - Do I need to explain this part

I don't want to write my conclusion because it is not what you want to hear. You want him back. I wish you the best of luck.

Sincerely to me I think he is threatened by your independent nature.

Choice of words sometimes causes unwarranted misunderstanding.

Descortes:
Lol. You are in love

the guy dey package her..sure knows what he's doing haha

Habby222:
Advice needed pls

Guys please I'm confused and do not know how to handle the issue. Pls advice.

I'm sure you are older than this guy. His behaviour has something to do with this.

You should not have told him you would get whatever you need yourself. It suggests to him that you only think about yourself. You should have said "whatever we both need, we can always support each other". Most men feel worthless when powerless.

4 years is longer than many marriages these days. Try to get married soonest by looking for a serious man. Stop dating children

Like your mother and the females in your family?

OGWILLS123:
A typical 9ja desparate evening news paper looking for a young nigga to enslave in the name of marriage or relaSiOnSip

Habby222:
Advice needed pls.

I've been with this guy for close to four years now and its not really been a perfect relationship. Lots of ups and downs due to what I can term insecurity. At some point we're cool and the next minute issues arises just like every other relationship.

He's a good guy to some extent as he showers me with love ( my thoughts)and a lot of times he gives gifts not money though. I've had to give financial assistance to him alot of times, he returns some if he deemed it necessary and doesn't return if he so wishes. I've never complained about this and still always willing to help him out whenever he is in need. Pls note that we're both financially ok.

This gesture of me offering him financial help stopped when I realise he doesn't do same to me. I've had to test him on serval occasions that I needed financial help and he has never for once helped out on those request despite knowing he has. I never needed the money though, I made those request to know if I could actually fall back to him if I'm in need.

Last year October, I told him about my plans of getting a new car as I got tired of the one I was using. Pls note that I did not request him to buy for me neither did I ask for any support whatsoever. I contacted my source in the US with my budget and spec, was able to find one in a short time and I paid for it. All of this moves were known to him. By December, the car arrived and cleared accordingly with every expenses incurred payed by me. He gave some moral support though.

A week after getting the car, he called me one morning and started apologising for not supporting financially in getting the car which I told him I had no issues with that. I told him I wasn't expecting more than moral support from him since I could afford getting the car on my own. I also made him realise he doesn't owe me no apology as I wasn't t his responsibility since we weren't married and that even if we were married, ill always want to get my stuffs myself as long as I can afford it. The next I heard was him ranting on phone that he doesn't expect less from me, said I'm a proud and that he knew I wasn't going to be a good wife. He said he has always known I wasn't going to be a submissive wife and a whole lot of other derogatory words despite not having issues whatsoever prior to that time. I ended the call as I was so surprised he could say those mean words to me.

All through that day he didn't call back and I did not as well cos I was expecting him to realise I was hurt by his actions. A week pass and still no call from him so I decided to call him and he didn't pick. I'd sent a lot of of messages to him and has not replied to any. I'd gone to his house to check up on him and not met him too. Its been three weeks now and we haven't spoken and seen despite all of my effort to talk to him and or see.

Guys please I'm confused and do not know how to handle the issue. Pls advice.

The guy done taya for ur matter no be today. I also believe ur story isn't complete and u probably used a certain sort of sarcastic tone while saying those words to him on phone because i see no other reason he flared up. This story is missing vital ingredients that u chose to omit

@ number 2, you're mad and you have no one to tell you.
Nonsensical nonsense.

Shokoloko:
1. "Close to four years" is too long.

2. "Insecurity" on the part of a man: The relationship cannot survive. If you decide to try to get him back, consider searching for a lower-paying job

3. Lack of integrity. "doesn't return if he so wishes" - financial assistance must be returned and then the financier can forgive the debt. It goes both ways whether male or female.

4. "never for once helped out on those request despite knowing he has - Do I need to explain this as well?

5. "told him about my plans" "All of this moves were known to him" I see an attempt at teamwork here which is good.

6. "ill always want to get my stuffs myself as long as I can afford it." No, wrong move a male spouse or intending spouse is a provider even if you can afford it.

7. "he knew I wasn't going to be a good wife" - from day one he knew. Men usually know what they want permanently and what they want to keep till they find what they want permanently. That's why I said 4 years is too long.

8. "so I decided to call him and he didn't pick" - Do I need to explain this part

I don't want to write my conclusion because it is not what you want to hear. You want him back. I wish you the best of luck.

So you've been hoeing around?

kunkelhanspeter:
God when
When will I start meeting ladies that can take care of themselves
I rather remain single than going into relationship that only offer sex which with 5k I can do hook up on tinder

HARDDON:
Op painted the story so subtly and tilted the light on her part living the sad side of her, ever so slightly, out. Here now, the gullible ones are having a field day calling out the guy.
But I see through it all.

The thing is that the op has had a grudge about the guy not coming through for her like she has been doing for him. And ladies naturally pile this kinda stuff up until it gets to head. Which is when the ride arrived.

Forget her tale of not needing his help, her body language was screaming it. Yet, once again, the guy ignored it.
This is what lead him to apologise after the whole ish.
Even though he has his reasons for not supporting financially.

Why he went off the handle is the cold way she responded. That wasn't a normal response, it was a coded attack on his person. then she even had the temerity to drop the call.

May he never return

You really understand what's happened. I wish the OP could listen to this.

The man may have been saving money for their marriage while she was busy spending hers on her needs alone and giving him attitude for not contributing. No matter how much she makes, she isn't going to pay her own bride price herself.

The man just realised she was not his wife.

Let me add this point. Am currently mentoring a girl not to accept her boyfriend of 7 years back. The guy will ghost her for no reason for half a year at times then come back and ask for forgiveness. She has forgiven him 5 times already this would be the sixth time.
Recently the guy has been calling and asking for a 6th chance.
In my opinion, go back to the marriage/ dating market but Avoid using your car till you have a serious man. Park the car and remove the battery head, the car will restrict your social contact probability and restrict you to only a class of people.
Once you have a serious man tell him you have whatever it is that you have.

Midas01:
@ number 2, you're mad and you have no one to tell you.
Nonsensical nonsense.

Calm down, dear child. Read to comprehend: The sarcasm in No 2 flew over your head.

I have gone through your some of your previous posts: Let go of the anger and hurt. Not all men are bad. All will be well.

Whenever a woman narattes her experiences, it's always you guys saying, "there's more to the story" bla bla bla but if it was a man all you'll hear is "fear women" and you'll automatically believe 100% of what he said.

Please receive sense this year. Don't let this year pass you by.

walepackage:
you are the only one seeing it from this angle.the story did not add up at all.maybe she makes the guy felt lesser and irrelevant in her talks to the guy on phone.forget about "I don't need his financial support to buy the car".there's more to it.

cooooooks:
I think 2 and 6 are bad pieces of advice.

2. She should not reduce her earning power for any body. If he had any financial difficulty, what will she do?

6. It is very difficult to raise a family, children or not, on one average to middle class person's income. Marriage is a partnership and both partners must continue equitably.

Cant Nigerians decipher sarcasm anymore? No 2 is

6. The man is the major provider. The woman is a help-meet.

1. who is your source in America that sent you a car?

It seems you are using the guy for your own satisfaction while you are waiting for the main.

skj1377:
Let me add this point. Am currently mentoring a girl not to accept her boyfriend of 7 years back. The guy will ghost her for no reason for half a year at times then come back and ask for forgiveness. She has forgiven him 5 times already this would be the sixth time.
Recently the guy has been calling and asking for a 6th chance.
In my opinion, go back to the marriage/ dating market but Avoid using your car till you have a serious man. Park the car and remove the battery head, the car will restrict your social contact probability and restrict you to only a class of people.
Once you have a serious man tell him you have whatever it is that you have.

Smiles.. Funny.. Bros even you need mentoring, you are misleading people's children..

Ships and wahala..


You love the guy but you don't know if he truly loves you, reason why u dey give am test and exam
The guy loves you and he knows you love him aswell reason why he bone straight for 3weeks without looking ur syd coz he knows u will come back to him

Una two dey in love but ego and insecurity dey do una strong thing...

The guy is not done yet, if he is done, e go don block u tey tey..

I think u two still have an unfinished business, if eventually u guyz made it back together, make sure sey una wage war against those worst fears which are insecurity and ego...

calcal:
1. who is your source in America that sent you a car?

It seems you are using the guy for your own satisfaction while you are waiting for the main.

The guy seems so reducdant in her life that at no point of her write up as she ever consider his opinion.. She's always telling him what she is doing or what is being done. Not like both of them are taking decisions together or sharing a plan. Obviously. You didnt seek his help at any point(not financial) maybe his choice of car, his colour. If he had a clearing agent, ask him on price, even if you have source. Sometimes it makes people feel a like team. Just imagine you working in an organisation, your boss just comes shares his plan, take his decision , shares is decisions with you guys. Im sure your motivation will be different compared to when you have a boss that comes, seek your opinion, communicate the goals and objective and allow you win atimes, give you a task and engage you. Makes you feel like an important part of decision making. Just be sincere like your write up.

I felt no 2 could be sarcasm but I've seen people post similar comments while being completely serious.

Modern marriage no sabi who be help meet or help go, partnership all the way.

Shokoloko:
Cant Nigerians decipher sarcasm anymore? No 2 is

6. The man is the major provider. The woman is a help-meet.

Chii59:
Keep quiet. Have you no shame?

Seems u have example of proud and unsubmissive women who have long stayed in marriage??

meanwhile I'm not saying that is necessary for standard of life but as far as long and lasting marriage is concerned, submission is key..

na wetin our mama do be that wey make them last long to train better children like u and I..

shallom

Habby222:
Advice needed pls.

I've been with this guy for close to four years now and its not really been a perfect relationship. Lots of ups and downs due to what I can term insecurity. At some point we're cool and the next minute issues arises just like every other relationship.

He's a good guy to some extent as he showers me with love ( my thoughts)and a lot of times he gives gifts not money though. I've had to give financial assistance to him alot of times, he returns some if he deemed it necessary and doesn't return if he so wishes. I've never complained about this and still always willing to help him out whenever he is in need. Pls note that we're both financially ok.

This gesture of me offering him financial help stopped when I realise he doesn't do same to me. I've had to test him on serval occasions that I needed financial help and he has never for once helped out on those request despite knowing he has. I never needed the money though, I made those request to know if I could actually fall back to him if I'm in need.

Last year October, I told him about my plans of getting a new car as I got tired of the one I was using. Pls note that I did not request him to buy for me neither did I ask for any support whatsoever. I contacted my source in the US with my budget and spec, was able to find one in a short time and I paid for it. All of this moves were known to him. By December, the car arrived and cleared accordingly with every expenses incurred payed by me. He gave some moral support though.

A week after getting the car, he called me one morning and started apologising for not supporting financially in getting the car which I told him I had no issues with that. I told him I wasn't expecting more than moral support from him since I could afford getting the car on my own. I also made him realise he doesn't owe me no apology as I wasn't t his responsibility since we weren't married and that even if we were married, ill always want to get my stuffs myself as long as I can afford it. The next I heard was him ranting on phone that he doesn't expect less from me, said I'm a proud and that he knew I wasn't going to be a good wife. He said he has always known I wasn't going to be a submissive wife and a whole lot of other derogatory words despite not having issues whatsoever prior to that time. I ended the call as I was so surprised he could say those mean words to me.

All through that day he didn't call back and I did not as well cos I was expecting him to realise I was hurt by his actions. A week pass and still no call from him so I decided to call him and he didn't pick. I'd sent a lot of of messages to him and has not replied to any. I'd gone to his house to check up on him and not met him too. Its been three weeks now and we haven't spoken and seen despite all of my effort to talk to him and or see.

Guys please I'm confused and do not know how to handle the issue. Pls advice.

Habby dear,pls my advice to u is to just forget about the guy n forge ahead.What i understood from ur story is that he doesnt deserve u,ur just rare.Oya men attack me now for knailing the bitter truth...

cooooooks:
I felt no 2 could be sarcasm but I've seen people post similar comments while being completely serious.

Modern marriage no sabi who be help meet or help go, partnership all the way.

If everything is equal, how do you partner with the woman's morning sickness, vaginal tear during childbirth, 9 month pregnancy, cooking three meals daily all year round, night vigils with the child that has a fever. How many men agree to partner that, and even if they want to, how do they partner the first three.

Yes its a partnership, but it is not equal. The roles are defined

BigDick70inch:
till we hear from him sha.....

Exactly.
Rule number 1. Never believe a woman

If I ask what men want now, they will come for me.

But independent women, practice what I term "independent dependence" in a relationship. The fact that you can do it all does not mean do it all. While I can afford my expenses, I will still ask my man for assistance and give him my assistance also. I will definitely don't put everything on his head but he'll show up for me because you show up for people you love. Giving is love. There must be somewhere you and your partner can help each other.

So don't carry it all. Love is sharing and giving. Vice versa.