₦airaland Forum

bizme:
Let's not go down that particular rabbit hole. It is only people without a good knowledge of history that tries to idolize the past and paint the present in grimmer hue. In the past there were utility values for polygamy that were peculiar to that time. First, most of the households were farmers with hundreds and thousands of acres to till. The fact that there was no organized labour as it were (sometimes community arrangements existed), each man literally had to produce his own workforce in-house. In other words, there was a specific need for having several children.
Secondly, diseases like malaria, sickle disease, polio, and many communicable diseases that were not understood, were killing children in particular in droves. And surviving to adulthood literally became a game of numbers. You might start out with 10 children under the age of 5 and only 1 or 2 survived to adulthood. It is not uncommon for most grandmothers 90 years and above to tell stories of how many children they gave birth to and how many actually survived. This in particular, together with the first point, necessitated the polygamous arrangement.

Lastly, mortality rate for men was much terrible at the time, many dying from communal clashes and wars or getting raided by slave-traders. More women, much fewer men.

Polygamy served specific societal purposes and it wasn't because of sex or waning desire for sex. Most wives were circumcised, and it was generally frowned upon for a wife to enjoy sex any way.

I am setting the record straight here because that guy was incorrectly trying to paint a lofty picture of the past.

I like your English

Thanks a lot

Ishilove:
I like your English

bizme:
Thanks for your insightful comment. I know a lot about polygamy, and why I cannot fault any man or woman for desiring a polygamous arrangement for him/herself, I can not even think about it in a million years. Why on earth would I even want to break my wife's heart and disrupt the relational equilibrium I have with my children? I find it very stupid and selfish. If I had lived in the days of my forefathers I certainly might, out of necessity, taken perhaps up to 10 or more wives to efficiently manage things... But I live in the now, and I have an awesome partner for wife...

I know that sex is an important part of a marriage relationship, but it's just one of the many important aspects. There are more important things than that, and it seems irrational for a man to choose to upset every other good thing in his home just for sex. It makes no sense. As a man, after you get your spare p*ssy or p*ssies in a polygamous union, what then? Why should any man be excited about hurting his wife and making her jealous? I don't get it. It probably reflects the type of marriage some have with their spouses. Regardless of what SM tries to make everyone believe, some people actually have healthy relationship with their spouses, and just as one wouldn't go about hurting and damaging one's friend, such couples don't go about planning how to hurt their partners.

What if the woman decides to also take another husband, say because you as a husband isn't enough in bed? I know many don't like to think about that, but it remains a valid possibility.

@the bold; that's actually an interesting line of discussion and I totally don't mind at all.

Once again, thanks.

Words of wisdom!

bold
It makes my heart happy to read it. Our spouse should be our favorite and closest person, the one we care about the most and who cares about us in the same way. I feel sorry for those people who are unable to have such a wonderful , deep and meaningful relationship and bond with their spouse. But I can't blame them. I know they have been scarred sooner or later in their lives, some of them as early as in their childhood with a lack of a positive example in their parents' marriage.

It's a beautiful thing to love and be loved deeply and treated kindly and cared for and spoilt and have a home where love, kindness, appreciation, consideration and respect reign. But it takes the right attitude and the right partner to build such a home. You seem to have it. God bless your family.

You have beautifully captured it. Marriage can be beautiful or can be hell on earth depending on how the two players handle things. I have been married for eight years now, and oh yes we have had conflicts which have only made us much stronger than when we started. I honestly cannot imagine any other women to replace my wife. She is not perfect, but much more I am far from being perfect... I don't even think I would like to be married to a perfect somebody...scary thought.

I think marriage is more like a starting a company... I will quickly paint a picture. When one of our businesses went through some difficult patch few years ago that burglars came and carted away a lot from the company, and someone from the neighbourhood suggested that it's probably a message that some people wanted us out of business. I got the message, but instead of doing as suggested I told my manager to open up immediately for operation while the police went about their own investigation. I brought in the appropriate persons to install metal door, and then asked that the whole company be given a fresh paint job. Some would wonder why I did that, I told my wife that business becomes a lot easier to run successfully when you have settled in your mind that you are in it to stay. You are not just trying things out. No matter what you face and come across, that the only path for you is forward... I believe marriage is like that too, when both of you know that the only way is forward regardless of whatever... Then you wouldn't need to keep looking outside for a better partner.

Hathor5:
Words of wisdom!

bold
It makes my heart happy to read it. Our spouse should be our favorite and closest person, the one we care about the most and who cares about us in the same way. I feel sorry for those people who are unable to have such a wonderful , deep and meaningful relationship and bond with their spouse. But I can't blame them. I know they have been scarred sooner or later in their lives, some of them as early as in their childhood with a lack of a positive example in their parents' marriage.

It's a beautiful thing to love and be loved deeply and treated kindly and cared for and spoilt and have a home where love, kindness, appreciation, consideration and respect reign. But it takes the right attitude and the right partner to build such a home. You seem to have it. God bless your family.

bizme:
You have beautifully captured it. Marriage can be beautiful or can be hell on earth depending on how the two players handle things. I have been married for eight years now, and oh yes we have had conflicts which have only made us much stronger than when we started. I honestly cannot imagine any other women to replace my wife. She is not perfect, but much more I am far from being perfect... I don't even think I would like to be married to a perfect somebody...scary thought.

I think marriage is more like a starting a company... I will quickly paint a picture. When one of our businesses went through some difficult patch few years ago that burglars came and carted away a lot from the company, and someone from the neighbourhood suggested that it's probably a message that some people wanted us out of business. I got the message, but instead of doing as suggested I told my manager to open up immediately for operation while the police went about their own investigation. I brought in the appropriate persons to install metal door, and then asked that the whole company be given a fresh paint job. Some would wonder why I did that, I told my wife that business becomes a lot easier to run successfully when you have settled in your mind that you are in it to stay. You are not just trying things out. No matter what you face and come across, that the only path for you is forward... I believe marriage is like that too, when both of you know that the only way is forward regardless of whatever... Then you wouldn't need to keep looking outside for a better partner.

Beautiful!

Thank you for sharing this with us.

Thanks.

Hathor5:
Beautiful!

Thank you for sharing this with us.

bizme:
I am aware this might not be the experience of every couple but the many couple I have interacted with, the story is pretty much the same: the wife losing interest in sex once she gets married to the man and especially once children start coming. For certain couples it isn't as obvious as that, the wife simply approaches sex as a mechanical function that she needs to get over with and perhaps do something else. Why do you think this is so? Can one say it's because once married the woman feels socially secured and doesn't need to put in any effort to win the man? Or does it have anything to do with changing biology?

Even before marriage, women generally don't have nearly as strong a sexual urge as men do. After marriage, different biological factors further reduce a woman's appetite for sex.
This is because a man (like most male animals) is naturally designed to be polygamous before his sexual urge can be satisfied (nature's goal is to PUSH men to impregnate as many women as possible to produce a large number of children in order to ensure the survival and continuity of the human species). This is why most men usually find it quite difficult to be faithful to a single partner.

In terms of sexual satisfaction, the one man-one woman marital system that has now become the norm/standard is clearly disadvantageous to men. But while polygamy will certainly ensure a man's sexual satisfaction, it has its demerits!

Liposure:
A number of married women have low libido which can be very frustrating for a sexually active husband. Ever wondered why most men cheat on their wives. Husbands are tired of constant rejection in bed and can't wait to seek help outside

Some of those women suffer from extended bouts of Postpartum Depression (PPD), normal depression, life crisis, overwhelming marital life, social anxiety etc that makes sex the least of their problems.

RisenPhoenix1:
Women use sex to buy love. Men use love to buy sex. Like any economic transaction each party is looking to find a bargain, i.e. spend the minimum amount of their currency to purchase the maximum amount of the service they need. So once women have gotten the man's commitment, they will thereafter spend as little sex as is necessary to keep him .

I love this.

cassyrooy:
Some of those women suffer from extended bouts of Postpartum Depression (PPD), normal depression, life crisis, overwhelming marital life, social anxiety that etc that makes sex the least of their problems.

The worst part is that they're never asked to talk about it, so they just suck it up and live with it for almost all their lives.

mariahAngel:
The worst part is that they're never asked to talk about it, so they just suck it up and live with it for almost all their lives.

You can't blame them, most don't know what's happening with them, and the men too don't know that's why you keep hearing “my wife has changed after one baby, she's now lazy etc”.

Postpartum cases are not noticed at all, so no one even seek to help them deal with the issues. Men feel they're being denied sex and goes out to unload their boiling seeds.

Psychology

Its because most husbands neglect fóreplay and afterplay

bizme:
I am aware this might not be the experience of every couple but the many couple I have interacted with, the story is pretty much the same: the wife losing interest in sex once she gets married to the man and especially once children start coming.

For certain couples it isn't as obvious as that, the wife simply approaches sex as a mechanical function that she needs to get over with and perhaps do something else.

Why do you think this is so? Can one say it's because once married the woman feels socially secured and doesn't need to put in any effort to win the man? Or does it have anything to do with changing biology?

WHO SAID SO,PLS? THEY ARE ALL HYPOCRITES,LIES FROM D Pit of Hell. The Deceits of Lucifer can not be uncovered by mere Wailing. Be Careful with such headlines in ur home or U Die Premature...

Because she has secured the man, therefore she doesn't need to pretend to like sex in order to keep him around.

Many women don't like sex but will pretend to please their boyfriends and husbands in the early stages of the relationship. After a few years and a few kids it all comes to an end and she's not interested again.

mariahAngel:
Let's say we go with it:

The question is can most men of nowadays do what the men of old did?
Can they do what their grandfathers and great grandfathers did?
Can they cater for a polygamous family? Heck! They're even barely able to cater for a monogamous family, talk more of...

Na by talk?

Back then women didn't work, are you OK with staying at home as well as convincing your sisters to collectively leave the workforce so there will be more spaces for jobs and money going to men's pockets to sustain a polygamous relationship?

Are you fine with living under the same roof as another woman with no jealousy or rancor?

RisenPhoenix1:
With polygamy, there would be rivalry. Each woman would double up on her efforts to keep more of their mutual husband's attention. There will also always be a nagging feeling that another wife is getting more sex than her, and this will trigger the wife to try to get even more from the husband (keeping a greater share of the market so to speak). Finally, a woman always finds a man infinitely more attractive when he is not readily available to her beck and call; and it also triggers their possessiveness when other available females find him attractive. All these complexities will work in his favour.

A woman in a female herd does not think the same way as a woman with exclusive attention to a man. Polygamy is a woman leveller and destroys all their transactional techniques; that is why women hate it. It is like the difference between a customer's options in a monopoly and in a free market; the man being the customer in this case.

Mumu advise, after all the horrors of polygamy I have witnessed from observations alone, person with right senses in this modern time would still go ahead and start a polygamous home. Las las na the children go suffer am.

ArcFresky:
Personally, this is my worst fear...I detest cheaters. I need to marry a nymph.

I once was like you.. Until i dated a nymph.

This case has to be revisited. Don't think of marriage. Have how have your kids and take care of them.

This case has to be revisited. Don't think of marriage. Anyhow have your kids and take care of them.

Maybe cos they have given it out too much now it's time to Sidon and chop money

After marriage, dem don win election na.

You don ever see wia dem dey do campaign after winning election?

Sex is nothing but just campaign promises.

How many politicians keep their campaign promises after winning elections?

I think insecurity may just be the cause. Not confident about their bodies after child birth.
Busy schedules..

esthel:
I think you should contribute intelligently and logically. This post isn't for people like you. Mind you "All of them" includes your mother, sisters, aunties,female friends" etc so you need to watch your words.

Dont waste your time on that child

RisenPhoenix1:
Women use sex to buy love. Men use love to buy sex. Like any economic transaction each party is looking to find a bargain, i.e. spend the minimum amount of their currency to purchase the maximum amount of the service they need. So once women have gotten the man's commitment, they will thereafter spend as little sex as is necessary to keep him from straying to another market. Whereas, once a man has acquired the woman's sexual favours, he will spend the minimum amount of love and commitment to keep her from withholding them. The best solution is to marry more than one wife. Thereafter, they can share the sexual burden among themselves, and the man can pretend to love all of them equally and share a little of his attention among each of them; satisfying all parties involved.

Factoid of life. Free of charge for you.

You don marry?

Ilekokonit:
Most black women lose interest in sex after 2 kids.

It could be because some were circumcised and so do not have the most sensitive part of their Instruments intact anymore. Their clitoris may have been chopped off. The clitoris is meant to be like a mini penis that gets engorged with blood when aroused and it has a cap like the penis and so just like a man whose penile cap has been chopped off may never reach orgasm, likewise a woman whose entire clitoris has been hacked off may never achieve orgasm ans so sex to such damaged women is like a chore as they don't enjoy it and only engage in it to trap a man for marriage and kids.

Also, one of the major causes why black women lose interest in sex after 2 kids is because after each child birth, black women damage the lining of their vaginas by steaming it with boiling water when they sit on potties filled with boiling water, herbs and Dettol all in the name of healing the insides of their reproductive tract. This has the effect of cooking the insides of their vagina to a point where they no longer have much feeling in their vagina as the sensitive nerves in their vagina has been damaged beyond repair and because they can not feel anything in their vagina (barring a horse dick), they shy away from sex which they no longer enjoy because they have with their own hands damaged their own vagina.

This is before factoring in that after 2 kids, their vaginas has been stretched / widened and at times torn by a difficult child birth and so with them now boiling their vaginas by sitting of a potty filled with boiling water, the result is that their vaginas are no longer fit for purpose as they can no longer feel their husbands dick and they then start using sex as a weapon by denying the man sex and so the man has no choice and decides to satisfy his natural urges outside with a woman who gives him sexual healing and also treats him better than his wife who by now is only interested in the kids and loves neglecting her husbands needs.

gbam! the whole truth .

zainabicy:
This is because after a while d man stops trying to make d woman orgasm. They take and take and take.

So after a while, we sef lose interest, children dey, work dey.

you emphasized like; you talking out of experience.

RisenPhoenix1:
With polygamy, there would be rivalry. Each woman would double up on her efforts to keep more of their mutual husband's attention. There will also always be a nagging feeling that another wife is getting more sex than her, and this will trigger the wife to try to get even more from the husband (keeping a greater share of the market so to speak). Finally, a woman always finds a man infinitely more attractive when he is not readily available to her beck and call; and it also triggers their possessiveness when other available females find him attractive. All these complexities will work in his favour.

A woman in a female herd does not think the same way as a woman with exclusive attention to a man. Polygamy is a woman leveller and destroys all their transactional techniques; that is why women hate it. It is like the difference between a customer's options in a monopoly and in a free market; the man being the customer in this case.

o boy u too much, ur explanation make polygamy dey hungry me.

mosdii:
Nigerian Girls Are Useless...All Of Them

When what you look out for is big boobs and as$. I can tell you there are many naija girls that will change your mindset for life.