₦airaland Forum

Low self esteem. Leave the guy, he is looking for a way out. If you do your check properly u will find out that he is planning marriage with another lady.

So what's bad when u monitor ur woman's movement,in this world where women now cheat more than men,siddon there,I guess u re one of those women or girls that like total freedom,and awuf,guys out there,pls don't listen to any sugar coated shit, monitor ur woman if u can as possible,when the dice is cast,all these people saying Insecurity will not help,pls monitor o,don't listen to stupid online ppl.
[Qquote author=thebosstrevor1 post=97958474]Insecured Men can not handle independent women.

He is financially not buoyant so he already feeling threatened.

If you are planning of marrying him, dont do it, you will regret it, his insecurities will make you go mad and might end up making the marriage filled with fights.

You don't want to be with a man that will accuse you of cheating, that will monitor your movements and accuse you of everything bad all because you have more money than him.

If he doesn't pick his call, ex him, go find for your levels.[/quote]

Habby222:
Advice needed pls.

I've been with this guy for close to four years now and its not really been a perfect relationship. Lots of ups and downs due to what I can term insecurity. At some point we're cool and the next minute issues arises just like every other relationship.

He's a good guy to some extent as he showers me with love ( my thoughts)and a lot of times he gives gifts not money though. I've had to give financial assistance to him alot of times, he returns some if he deemed it necessary and doesn't return if he so wishes. I've never complained about this and still always willing to help him out whenever he is in need. Pls note that we're both financially ok.

This gesture of me offering him financial help stopped when I realise he doesn't do same to me. I've had to test him on serval occasions that I needed financial help and he has never for once helped out on those request despite knowing he has. I never needed the money though, I made those request to know if I could actually fall back to him if I'm in need.

Last year October, I told him about my plans of getting a new car as I got tired of the one I was using. Pls note that I did not request him to buy for me neither did I ask for any support whatsoever. I contacted my source in the US with my budget and spec, was able to find one in a short time and I paid for it. All of this moves were known to him. By December, the car arrived and cleared accordingly with every expenses incurred payed by me. He gave some moral support though.

A week after getting the car, he called me one morning and started apologising for not supporting financially in getting the car which I told him I had no issues with that. I told him I wasn't expecting more than moral support from him since I could afford getting the car on my own. I also made him realise he doesn't owe me no apology as I wasn't t his responsibility since we weren't married and that even if we were married, ill always want to get my stuffs myself as long as I can afford it. The next I heard was him ranting on phone that he doesn't expect less from me, said I'm a proud and that he knew I wasn't going to be a good wife. He said he has always known I wasn't going to be a submissive wife and a whole lot of other derogatory words despite not having issues whatsoever prior to that time. I ended the call as I was so surprised he could say those mean words to me.

All through that day he didn't call back and I did not as well cos I was expecting him to realise I was hurt by his actions. A week pass and still no call from him so I decided to call him and he didn't pick. I'd sent a lot of of messages to him and has not replied to any. I'd gone to his house to check up on him and not met him too. Its been three weeks now and we haven't spoken and seen despite all of my effort to talk to him and or see.

Guys please I'm confused and do not know how to handle the issue. Pls advice.

One man's poison is another man's meat.
He doesn't even know what he has.
When I'm looking for an independent lady to take home to mama.
flee from insecured men!

Habby222:
Advice needed pls.

I've been with this guy for close to four years now and its not really been a perfect relationship. Lots of ups and downs due to what I can term insecurity. At some point we're cool and the next minute issues arises just like every other relationship.

He's a good guy to some extent as he showers me with love ( my thoughts)and a lot of times he gives gifts not money though. I've had to give financial assistance to him alot of times, he returns some if he deemed it necessary and doesn't return if he so wishes. I've never complained about this and still always willing to help him out whenever he is in need. Pls note that we're both financially ok.

This gesture of me offering him financial help stopped when I realise he doesn't do same to me. I've had to test him on serval occasions that I needed financial help and he has never for once helped out on those request despite knowing he has. I never needed the money though, I made those request to know if I could actually fall back to him if I'm in need.

Last year October, I told him about my plans of getting a new car as I got tired of the one I was using. Pls note that I did not request him to buy for me neither did I ask for any support whatsoever. I contacted my source in the US with my budget and spec, was able to find one in a short time and I paid for it. All of this moves were known to him. By December, the car arrived and cleared accordingly with every expenses incurred payed by me. He gave some moral support though.

A week after getting the car, he called me one morning and started apologising for not supporting financially in getting the car which I told him I had no issues with that. I told him I wasn't expecting more than moral support from him since I could afford getting the car on my own. I also made him realise he doesn't owe me no apology as I wasn't t his responsibility since we weren't married and that even if we were married, ill always want to get my stuffs myself as long as I can afford it. The next I heard was him ranting on phone that he doesn't expect less from me, said I'm a proud and that he knew I wasn't going to be a good wife. He said he has always known I wasn't going to be a submissive wife and a whole lot of other derogatory words despite not having issues whatsoever prior to that time. I ended the call as I was so surprised he could say those mean words to me.

All through that day he didn't call back and I did not as well cos I was expecting him to realise I was hurt by his actions. A week pass and still no call from him so I decided to call him and he didn't pick. I'd sent a lot of of messages to him and has not replied to any. I'd gone to his house to check up on him and not met him too. Its been three weeks now and we haven't spoken and seen despite all of my effort to talk to him and or see.

Guys please I'm confused and do not know how to handle the issue. Pls advice.

I'm single let date try me out

She hasn't said all that happened, I have seen and heard of similar cases, also, u realised that in life self deceit is punishment, when u wanted Nairaladiers to advise, why hold on to some parts, my investigative instincts tell me that, u obviously made him felt the fangs when he called since he didn't support u, u v been given him attitudes subconsciously, he made the call to ascertain his feelings, he must have been bitter that, ontop wetin, he wanted to call, confirm his curiosity and walk away, cos the truth is that, some people, are just always expecting, and have this entitlement mentality, and once they do something like favor, they want returns, so check urself woman

Chii59:
Story story. Yawns

You are one of those girls that will get the best advise and still reject it or make mockery of it.
That your lips like mouka Foam

Pls follow ur mind .....tru b told u have ur own ego but then it can b control don't want 2 make u feel nice u ar a gud lady&wifey material.but has 4 him he can't control his ego Emotions.pls chat mi directly on this Fb a/c .sammy Dansu,so has2 hear fulldetails&way forward wishing u gud luck and best wishes. BRAVO 4 UR BRAVE COURAGE 4 SPEAKING OUT.

majorbravo:
You really understand what's happened. I wish the OP could listen to this.

The man may have been saving money for their marriage while she was busy spending hers on her needs alone and giving him attitude for not contributing. No matter how much she makes, she isn't going to pay her own bride price herself.

The man just realised she was not his wife

Bro, nothing beats that realization and following it through... she will advise herself when reality hits her

Good radiance to bad rubbish..... God just saved you from a petty partner. My advise is to move on and you will be glad you did at the long run.
God will surely send you your life partner sooner than you think.

I feel sorry for the OP, for falling with a over proud man. sometimes I just imagined this life, see what others are searching for, someone is really abusing the opportunity. I just pray u realized very quick. hmmm, this life.

HeadofWhite:
Pls follow ur mind .....tru b told u have ur own ego but then it can b control don't want 2 make u feel nice u ar a gud lady&wifey material.but has 4 him he can't control his ego Emotions.pls chat mi directly on this Fb a/c .sammy Dansu,so has2 hear fulldetails&way forward wishing u gud luck and best wishes. BRAVO 4 UR BRAVE COURAGE 4 SPEAKING OUT.

Fvck man.. not these niggaz again

DICKstractor:



The battle is between INSECURITY and INDEPENDENCY

Nature is trying to tell you that you guys ain't compatible. You should read the handwriting on the wall. Move on. It's better to cry now than cry later when you get trapped in that thing called MARRIAGE


Someone once said "wahala dey like DANGOTE towel, e no dey cover nyash finish"

Shea you get the point now...

Nothing to add. Sensible and apt!
Mind you, some people will still blame the babe oh. Some will tell her she was proud and rude. What they fail to consider is pride is relative. It is a function of maturity, disposition, perception and security.

Biingoo:

What do men want?

Do not by any chance get married to that dude! A word they say...........

Put everything before God to direct you on which way to follow and He will show you the way that won't bring tears and regrets to you in life.
You can WhatsApp me for further encouragement to words on 07061116101...Kay
God bless you richly.

I need to hear from the horses mouth because I don't trust these vagina people.

Habby222:
Advice needed pls.

I've been with this guy for close to four years now and its not really been a perfect relationship. Lots of ups and downs due to what I can term insecurity. At some point we're cool and the next minute issues arises just like every other relationship.

He's a good guy to some extent as he showers me with love ( my thoughts)and a lot of times he gives gifts not money though. I've had to give financial assistance to him alot of times, he returns some if he deemed it necessary and doesn't return if he so wishes. I've never complained about this and still always willing to help him out whenever he is in need. Pls note that we're both financially ok.

This gesture of me offering him financial help stopped when I realise he doesn't do same to me. I've had to test him on serval occasions that I needed financial help and he has never for once helped out on those request despite knowing he has. I never needed the money though, I made those request to know if I could actually fall back to him if I'm in need.

Last year October, I told him about my plans of getting a new car as I got tired of the one I was using. Pls note that I did not request him to buy for me neither did I ask for any support whatsoever. I contacted my source in the US with my budget and spec, was able to find one in a short time and I paid for it. All of this moves were known to him. By December, the car arrived and cleared accordingly with every expenses incurred payed by me. He gave some moral support though.

A week after getting the car, he called me one morning and started apologising for not supporting financially in getting the car which I told him I had no issues with that. I told him I wasn't expecting more than moral support from him since I could afford getting the car on my own. I also made him realise he doesn't owe me no apology as I wasn't t his responsibility since we weren't married and that even if we were married, ill always want to get my stuffs myself as long as I can afford it. The next I heard was him ranting on phone that he doesn't expect less from me, said I'm a proud and that he knew I wasn't going to be a good wife. He said he has always known I wasn't going to be a submissive wife and a whole lot of other derogatory words despite not having issues whatsoever prior to that time. I ended the call as I was so surprised he could say those mean words to me.

All through that day he didn't call back and I did not as well cos I was expecting him to realise I was hurt by his actions. A week pass and still no call from him so I decided to call him and he didn't pick. I'd sent a lot of of messages to him and has not replied to any. I'd gone to his house to check up on him and not met him too. Its been three weeks now and we haven't spoken and seen despite all of my effort to talk to him and or see.

Guys please I'm confused and do not know how to handle the issue. Pls advice.

Disclaimer: This is only your side of the story and I will give you my 10 cent based on that.

We humans have this emotional attachment (love) to people we've been with for a long time.

Common sense will tell you that he has been using you for your finances (Like to believe it or not). How can someone always fall to you but you cannot fall back on the person and you expect to live happily ever after? Yes, you said he is financially okay too, but then, we humans are naturally greedy. We want to eat our cake and eat our neighbor's cake too (Sometime our neighbor's own first).

Secondly, someone who cares about you will not take this long to reconcile a matter as mundane as this, even after you making this much effort. Which I am very sure you have flooded his phone with messages.

This is a classic cases of emotional play. He has known you, and knows you will crawl right back begging (Which perhaps have been happening each time you have a dispute).

Yes, it hurts to think of letting someone you have invested so much of your time and resources on go. But then, which is more important, the invested resources or your mental and future wellbeing?

My 10 cent, suck it up. If he cannot realize that he has hurt you, and doesn't care that you are trying hard to make right over this period, then I'm afraid I have to tell you that you are in a toxic relationship.

Again, let him, if he is suffering from insecurity, let his emotions take their toll. When he get back himself, he will come around. Unless another baby don dey give baba bleep. Lol.

Bottom line, let him get himself. If things drift apart, there are millions out there that will make you happy again with time and perhaps better.

Cheers!

Habby222:
Advice needed pls.

I've been with this guy for close to four years now and its not really been a perfect relationship. Lots of ups and downs due to what I can term insecurity. At some point we're cool and the next minute issues arises just like every other relationship.

He's a good guy to some extent as he showers me with love ( my thoughts)and a lot of times he gives gifts not money though. I've had to give financial assistance to him alot of times, he returns some if he deemed it necessary and doesn't return if he so wishes. I've never complained about this and still always willing to help him out whenever he is in need. Pls note that we're both financially ok.

This gesture of me offering him financial help stopped when I realise he doesn't do same to me. I've had to test him on serval occasions that I needed financial help and he has never for once helped out on those request despite knowing he has. I never needed the money though, I made those request to know if I could actually fall back to him if I'm in need.

Last year October, I told him about my plans of getting a new car as I got tired of the one I was using. Pls note that I did not request him to buy for me neither did I ask for any support whatsoever. I contacted my source in the US with my budget and spec, was able to find one in a short time and I paid for it. All of this moves were known to him. By December, the car arrived and cleared accordingly with every expenses incurred payed by me. He gave some moral support though.


All through that day he didn't call back and I did not as well cos I was expecting him to realise I was hurt by his actions. A week pass and still no call from him so I decided to call him and he didn't pick. I'd sent a lot of of messages to him and has not replied to any. I'd gone to his house to check up on him and not met him too. Its been three weeks now and we haven't spoken and seen despite all of my effort to talk to him and or see.

Guys please I'm confused and do not know how to handle the issue. Pls advice.

My sister, maybe he sees some atoms of pride in you, you know when Nigeria bebe dey see money na
No man would withstand arrogant or stubborn woman.

He is a focus and sincere serious man, press more to proof him wrong. "Dey no dey rub shoulder with man o! na wisdom kindness dem dey use follow us"

Don't mind people asking you to move on move on, move to where. Is the one ur going to meet later perfect? is 4years beans? is ur friend, u must have known him better. press his button

Note: Nigerian boyfriends are like Nigerian government, the previous one is always better than the current one.

BRATISLAVA:
1. Work with evidence. Any judge will work with evidence and not his imagination. You are the kind of judge who conjures situations to suit his fancy and judges amiss (sorry if that sounds harsh).

2. You expect her to fall over for the guy with your, "my dear it's ok, I know you'll do more for me someday".

Must she say what you want her to say before she is right? Was he right to shout at her abusively on the phone, and she must take it because she's in a relationship? That's verbal abuse and it is not something to pamper. Everyone has their tempers, nobody was born to be at the receiving end of another persons own.

She must not accept verbal abuse unless she wants to. And clearly, she doesn't want to.

3. Because you will not be angry doesn't mean he will not be angry. He has exhibited manipulative behaviors and all you can come up with is that she didn't soothe his ego. That you are understanding doesn't mean this man is. Many evil people exist.

Whene'er a relationship goes wrong it is always the woman's fault, going by majority of comments here. As a good judge you claim to be, with testimony she's given, you will still work with it -- not in absentia persons.

You've passed judgement without knowing the truth, too. Forget his side, because he could lie to exonerate himself.

The fact that someone cries while stating their case means they are on the right side I guess.
I know ladies and I know their antics so it's nothing new to me my brother. I never blamed the op for real but with what she told us I'm sure she would have said a lot more.
Until proven guilty I'll still maintain my stand that the guy in question is innocent of the accusations and the lady might have faulted beyond her statements here.
A sane man shouldn't be an enemy of progress since he too is doing well for himself.

Move on, he never loves you he was just using you to satisfy his sexual desires. Dating for four years and he is acting like a kid or you are just knowing each other. Well a word is enough for the wise

Habby222:
Advice needed pls.

Guys please I'm confused and do not know how to handle the issue. Pls advice.

My advice is move on..

reason: Both of you are obviously not OK with yourselves - fact is you're both living private life, and would definitely carry that into marriage where it would be too difficult to change.

NOTE: He most likely has the feeling you're doing better, that was why he came up with the 'too proud' line.

well... GOODLUCK

phorget:
The fact that someone cries while stating their case means they are on the right side I guess.
I know ladies and I know their antics so it's nothing new to me my brother. I never blamed the op for real but with what she told us I'm sure she would have said a lot more.
Until proven guilty I'll still maintain my stand that the guy in question is innocent of the accusations and the lady might have faulted beyond her statements here.
A sane man shouldn't be an enemy of progress since he too is doing well for himself.

your wise.
This is my tot too.

There must be an atom of pride in her, u know rich Nigerian babe na

If the guy is a bad guy or a wicked soul, a gold digger na to pretend dey chop her money join but he quietly ignored her and I know is because of her character.

Habby222:
Advice needed pls.

I've been with this guy for close to four years now and its not really been a perfect relationship. Lots of ups and downs due to what I can term insecurity. At some point we're cool and the next minute issues arises just like every other relationship.

He's a good guy to some extent as he showers me with love ( my thoughts)and a lot of times he gives gifts not money though. I've had to give financial assistance to him alot of times, he returns some if he deemed it necessary and doesn't return if he so wishes. I've never complained about this and still always willing to help him out whenever he is in need. Pls note that we're both financially ok.

This gesture of me offering him financial help stopped when I realise he doesn't do same to me. I've had to test him on serval occasions that I needed financial help and he has never for once helped out on those request despite knowing he has. I never needed the money though, I made those request to know if I could actually fall back to him if I'm in need.

Last year October, I told him about my plans of getting a new car as I got tired of the one I was using. Pls note that I did not request him to buy for me neither did I ask for any support whatsoever. I contacted my source in the US with my budget and spec, was able to find one in a short time and I paid for it. All of this moves were known to him. By December, the car arrived and cleared accordingly with every expenses incurred payed by me. [/b]He gave some moral support though.

A week after getting the car, he called me one morning and started apologising for not supporting financially in getting the car which I told him I had no issues with that. I told him I wasn't expecting more than moral support from him since I could afford getting the car on my own. I also made him realise he doesn't owe me no apology as I wasn't t his responsibility since we weren't married and that even if we were married, ill always want to get my stuffs myself as long as I can afford it[b]. The next I heard was him ranting on phone that he doesn't expect less from me, said I'm a proud and that he knew I wasn't going to be a good wife. He said he has always known I wasn't going to be a submissive wife and a whole lot of other derogatory words despite not having issues whatsoever prior to that time. [/b]I ended the call as I was so surprised he could say those mean words to me.[b]

All through that day he didn't call back and I did not as well cos I was expecting him to realise I was hurt by his actions. A week pass and still no call from him so I decided to call him and he didn't pick. I'd sent a lot of of messages to him and has not replied to any. I'd gone to his house to check up on him and not met him too. Its been three weeks now and we haven't spoken and seen despite all of my effort to talk to him and or see.

Guys please I'm confused and do not know how to handle the issue. Pls advice.

With the highlighted above, OP you messed up!

He gave you moral support, apologized to you for not giving you financial support, then you let hell lose by your deceptive mean comments cos you are somewhat independent. It's very immature of you to have done. From your write up, I think you've been at it even before now and the young good guy has been tolerating you these while. Now you are here ranting 3 weeks no comms.See ehn, if you cant change these your attitude find someone richer than you are and quit the emotional ranting.

Go for a test! It is possible you have infected him with one STD. Because I remember ed one girl that infected me with gono..I refused to speak with for over 3 months until I confirmed what was really wrong with me. I was angry.

Habby222:
Advice needed pls.

I've been with this guy for close to four years now and its not really been a perfect relationship. Lots of ups and downs due to what I can term insecurity. At some point we're cool and the next minute issues arises just like every other relationship.

He's a good guy to some extent as he showers me with love ( my thoughts)and a lot of times he gives gifts not money though. I've had to give financial assistance to him alot of times, he returns some if he deemed it necessary and doesn't return if he so wishes. I've never complained about this and still always willing to help him out whenever he is in need. Pls note that we're both financially ok.

This gesture of me offering him financial help stopped when I realise he doesn't do same to me. I've had to test him on serval occasions that I needed financial help and he has never for once helped out on those request despite knowing he has. I never needed the money though, I made those request to know if I could actually fall back to him if I'm in need.

Last year October, I told him about my plans of getting a new car as I got tired of the one I was using. Pls note that I did not request him to buy for me neither did I ask for any support whatsoever. I contacted my source in the US with my budget and spec, was able to find one in a short time and I paid for it. All of this moves were known to him. By December, the car arrived and cleared accordingly with every expenses incurred payed by me. He gave some moral support though.

A week after getting the car, he called me one morning and started apologising for not supporting financially in getting the car which I told him I had no issues with that. I told him I wasn't expecting more than moral support from him since I could afford getting the car on my own. I also made him realise he doesn't owe me no apology as I wasn't t his responsibility since we weren't married and that even if we were married, ill always want to get my stuffs myself as long as I can afford it. The next I heard was him ranting on phone that he doesn't expect less from me, said I'm a proud and that he knew I wasn't going to be a good wife. He said he has always known I wasn't going to be a submissive wife and a whole lot of other derogatory words despite not having issues whatsoever prior to that time. I ended the call as I was so surprised he could say those mean words to me.

All through that day he didn't call back and I did not as well cos I was expecting him to realise I was hurt by his actions. A week pass and still no call from him so I decided to call him and he didn't pick. I'd sent a lot of of messages to him and has not replied to any. I'd gone to his house to check up on him and not met him too. Its been three weeks now and we haven't spoken and seen despite all of my effort to talk to him and or see.

Guys please I'm confused and do not know how to handle the issue. Pls advice.

tnk ur stars u haven't married him. however u disrespected him by telling him u expected nothing less than moral support. this guy will be in competition with you and frustrate you if you have more than him


move on

The guy na thief, thought u re gonna get d car in his name lazy Nigerian youth, babe use him matter drink Fanta nd chop life, he will come back if he want to borrow as usual

saydfact:
My advice is move on..

reason: Both of you are obviously not OK with yourselves - fact is you're both living private life, and would definitely carry that into marriage where it would be too difficult to change.

NOTE: He most likely has the feeling you're doing better, that was why he came up with the 'too proud' line.

well... GOODLUCK

Move on! move on! move to where?

Proffer a solution to her by telling her to look inward herself and drop those things or characters that is making the guys feel uncomfortable with her than moving to next person with the same life. 4yrs not moi moi

Just chill. Na so u wan take enter marriage? It will end in tears o. You see relationship, I'm scared of it. Na God go help me to marry even tho I'm 30+ already. Just move or continue to beg Sha. Last last na ur life.

That guy doesn't want independent woman. He has inferiority complex to deal with. Such men never allow their women to fly high. Wow! I want woman who can do these things and I want her to fly high as much as she wants.

3slleeq:
The guy na thief, thought u re gonna get d car in his name lazy Nigerian youth, babe use him matter drink Fanta nd chop life, he will come back if he want to borrow as usual

ur opinion sha! but u no get sense. maybe ur less than 25yrs

Too harsh babe. The narrative seems plausible. I have got to know few guys that are like what she described
in her story. The dude is probably reflecting his background or upbringing.

Ishilove:
Aunty talk true and tell us what really happened because no sane man will just go off on you because you bought a car with his knowledge. You people come online to paint the other person bad in order to reduce the guilt of fücking up.

When you give us the true picture of what happened then I will know what to tell you.

HisMajesty1:
You're both mature and wise!!

Thank you, your Majesty!