Romanoff:


Na truth I tell you so. A lot of women have stayed in marriages with unfaithful husbands. I've seen marriages where even after their fidelity of the wife, the narrative still went on.

Why I wan lie

Romanoff....yen yen yen

I now know why your mouth is big

luminouz:


Romanoff....yen yen yen

I now know why your mouth is big

Lol. Na you Sabi

luminouz:


What DAFUQ!!!!

I dey tell you

I smell lies..did u hear d woman side...dis is what happens When fathers don't try and bond with d children..always leaving them with their mothers..if he has a good relationship with d children this will not be happening..plus do u know what ur brother has been doing also

Dis reminds me of my father always lying to people that my mother was turn us against him..and doesn't allow him to send us on errands which was a big lie..he was just jealous of d close relationship we had with our mother..how we always gist together and play together...that may be your brother's problem..most men think money is everything...they don't try to bond with their children or be there for them emotionally..it is only money dat dey can offer to d children

eyinjuege:


Nobody begged you to have children, and because you paid their school fees (which is your responsibility btw) doesn't mean they are indebted to you.
The mindset of having children to be used for labour has to stop
Your children will help you because they love you, and want to. You can't force that.
Respect can't be beaten into children of these days. You have to earn it

Maybe in your own aspect or view,chidren aint supposed to be render service to there parents.

Well I'll simply raise my chidren same way i was raised,uptil now i still fear,respect,and do anything for them blc when i was vulnerable they were there for me or havnt you heard that adage that says "the child is the father of the man"
We born children so that at old age the blcome useful to us,pls be real.

BRATISLAVA:


Of course he won't. He knows exactly what he did to begin it. He's leading you on.

If you think you can step into 20 years of their business, with what he told you, only his side of their story, then you have a lot to learn about longer marriages.

It's obvious you want him to divorce her. Or kill her, like you postulated in your first post. But neither will happen. Because the lies that men tell about women turning their children against them is the oldest lie in the book.

I do not hate the wife, No.
I watched those children grow up, so it saddens my heart to watch him loose out on them.

Pray

No woman can turn my own children against me except she raised them in my absence .

letskeeptalking:


Is it a woman's job to connect the children to their father? Are they not his children? Why did he not ensure he creates that bond between him and them.

When men will abandon children for their mothers, and be forming big man. . in taking care of your own children. This is the consequences.

You don't know the bond that develops over little things like helping them with bathing them, feeding them, helping them with their assignments, taking them to school e.t.c You think the children know/care who pays their school fees? It's the person who was there for them emotionally that they will love and appreciate.

Nigerians men continue forming big men, but don't cry foul when your own children turn on you!!!

You nailed it. Relegating misprioritisation and relegation of responsibilities to the other party.

To make matter worse, such misconceptions is also setting poster up for failure.

@OP better learn now and salvage your marriage. Also now you know having kids is no security for old age, your nephews are already showing their dad��

Bad wife

bukatyne:


While bonding with the children is on the man, let's not ignore that the mother teaches the children to disobey their father by undermining his authority over them.

How can a father call his sons to wash the car and the mother say 'they are sleeping'?

Did they go to the farm overnight? Can't they wash the car and go back to sleep?

If sleep is so important to them, can't they wash it the night before?

And shouldn't a 20 year old help his father dress up for work? Polish his shoes, iron his clothes, help him co-ordinate his wears in the newest fashion?

Let's assume the man doesn't actively seek to bond with his kids (a lot of Nigerian fathers are guilty); can't the mother encourage it especially if they are not in an abusive marriage?

The mother should be the one pushing the kids to wash his car, polish his socks, iron his shirts, pick his tie etc. That way, they would bond and the father can pass nuggets to the sons.

The sons would also learn how to be responsible, co-ordinate/lead a family, note the father's mistakes to improve on etc.

If the OP was complaining about the sons not sitting with their father to watch CNN, I would ask if the father sowed the seed to reap such.

But disrespect on the mother's orders and with her backing? Na!

You ask some seemly valid questions in a typical sane situation and other irrelevant ones (20yr old kids help grown ass man dress, is he disabled)

Both poster and brother seem a little derailed and very entitled in my opinion.

Brother is type that likes his car washed every day, that sound alike border line OCD. how certain are you that he may prefer car washed in the morning than in the evenings?

The fact that they are ones kids and one provides (which is any parents responsibility anyway) doesn't mean the kids need ro be part of that pain.

Also women are often giving the short end of the stick when kids misbehave. It isn't the woman's responsibility to bridge a relationship between the kids and their father.

And the poster, he's married not for love, but just a vessel and means to have kids. And not kids to love, but kids to take care of him in old age. These are all warped mentalilties that lead to nothing but failure and pain.

webshopNG:
No woman can turn my own children against me except she raised them in my absence .

You are only saying this because you are in the house..if you are not in the house, it is inevitable. They will turn against you..
So, you better not leave the house.

BRATISLAVA:


Once a man claims his children have been turned against him by his wife, you know he is lying and fishing for sentiment. This is the biggest lie men tell to kill the reputation of a woman. This lie is as common as the cheating and money card. Watch out for men who make this allegation against their wife.

What did your brother do to his wife and children in reality? Let him confess.

It did not begin with her turning the children against him.

You think because you've mentioned the school fees that it makes him innocent?


It is his job to make a relationship with his own children, NOT hers.

Stop looking for how to blame women for every relationship issue.

I understand you perfectly.
He might have failed in bonding but I have personally witnessed her telling him to allow the children to rest, meanwhile he wanted them to help him with the car.

uuzba:

You are only saying this because you are in the house..if you are not in the house, it is inevitable. They will turn against you..
So, you better not leave the house.

Clearly you do not understand what it means to have strong bond with your children, upbringing matters a lot.

No one needed to tell me to wash my fathers car before he heads out every morning. Teach youŕ children some sense of responsibility from tender age.

luminouz:


Where is the sense in this for Pete's sakes?

Which useless bond does a father need to have before his sons obey him? Was there a need for bonding when he pays their school fees or feed them? Or was there a report of his maltreating them Everytime or even beating his wife? It's sacrosanct that these sons OBEY him at all times, unconditionally. Which mumu bond are you looking for again?

You didn't even talk of the disrespectful wife at all. Ain't that sweet of you! The wife spoilt the whole show by encouraging the kids to flout their dad's orders, WITHOUT CONSEQUENCES. Had it been he dealt with her and the sons saw his willpower, they will note he is charge and fall in line. They have seen he won't do shiit and like most kids, they follow the best path of least resistance to their will: in this case,the MOM!

What I find baffling is how even men here kept yapping about bonds and binds and bondage and James bond and stock and bonds...without making any tangible point. The issue is that his wife already left him high and dry and his kids followed. I remembered a case on NL about a man who wakes up everyday to fetch water on his head for his whole house and he has grown up boys and girls and a wife. WHAT DAFUQ DID YOU THINK MADE HIM THAT WAY?


Please,scrutinise a story and be logical with your conclusions. Only bukatyne made some logical points.

My dear, they don't owe you anything at all! You brought them to this world, they didn't beg you to. You can choose to do what's necessary to earn their respect or you can have the ultimate fear you want from them. But remember, loyalty is everything and can't be found everywhere.

luminouz:


This assertion is BS.

My dad ain't always at home too but we never disrespected him. Funny enough, we love him pass our mama, even though ,she gets more stuffs from us.

Whatever nonsense bond una dey talk about comes when the man is lax in parenting or the kids love their mum naturally.

Man dey suffer for Nigeria sha. what nonsense, even if you show some resistance to your parents errands because you might be busy doing something or whatever, they deserve to tell you to do whatever they want you to do.

lovelybugs:


Lol
Funny how you think feeding or taking care of the children YOU brought to this world is doing them a favour.

Obey, obey, obey. That's all you care about.
Anyhow sha.

I don't even understand is the thinking for me

delishpot:
Na wa... Op, if you have kids its your duty to work, starve if you must and take care of them. Counting his sacrifices to raise (HIS) kids he dragged jejely from heaven into this world doesnt make sense to me. Being a parent is a responsibilty just that us humans always think we are doing our kids favour by taking care of them.. because it seems God the giver of kids dont flog parents when the abbandon their responsibilities towards their. kids.

Anyways, the kids need to honour their dad so long as he is playing a role in their lives. The mom should let the man relate with them so far as they are not in any form of danger. Let them wake up and wash car if that is what he wants. Let them experience him first hand wether good or bad.. If good its his gain if bad its his loss (maybe)

Also, how has his relationship with his wife and kids been before now? Has he been a dragon breathing fire when tney were younger.

The likelihood of a mom turning her kids against their father who has been good is very verrry slim. But if he was a wayward man who treated the home like his barracks simply because he was feeding and paying school fees then the kids might resent him no matter how much he spends.

Same way a violent and emotionally abusive mom who sacrifices time and opportunity to make sure kids eat good food and wear clean clothes might be met with resentment by her kids.

Emotional balance is also necessary for kids. A poor couple who hussle in unity to raise their kids would have more balanced and loving kids than a rich or average one where needs are met but paarents are abusive in any way and home is chaotic

More wisdom bro, 600 yrs of enjoyment to u.

smiliyB:
My dear, they don't owe you anything at all! You brought them to this world, they didn't beg you to. You can choose to do what's necessary to earn their respect or you can have the ultimate fear you want from them. But remember, loyalty is everything and can't be found everywhere.

So my children do not owe me obedience?

So because I decided to give birth to kids,they must be wayward, untrained, undisciplined and caustic dregs?

In an attempt to sound futuristic and a white man ideology-copycat, you ended up disgracing yourself.

Why on Earth do people seem so emotional and blind to glaring facts and become hypocritical?

Are you really telling me that BS up there or are you in the middle of something extrasensorily mind numbing?

So the biblical phrase of "spare the rod and spoil the child" comes from a place of knowing kids need to be trained,they need to obey. Since you lots love the Bible, check what the holy book says about children and obeying their parents.

So a man that trains and suffers for his kids must tolerate their disrespect because they owed him nothing? I wonder if it were to be the wife being disrespected, what your answer would be.

@Op, your brother should send them out of the house to fend for themselves. Since they cannot do things like house chores because they are too big. Let them experience adulting for themselves.

It's his house, his rules. Unless he doesn't pay the rent?

tsmith:


You ask some seemly valid questions in a typical sane situation and other irrelevant ones (20yr old kids help grown ass man dress, is he disabled)

Both poster and brother seem a little derailed and very entitled in my opinion.

Brother is type that likes his car washed every day, that sound alike border line OCD. how certain are you that he may prefer car washed in the morning than in the evenings?

The fact that they are ones kids and one provides (which is any parents responsibility anyway) doesn't mean the kids need ro be part of that pain.

Also women are often giving the short end of the stick when kids misbehave. It isn't the woman's responsibility to bridge a relationship between the kids and their father.

And the poster, he's married not for love, but just a vessel and means to have kids. And not kids to love, but kids to take care of him in old age. These are all warped mentalilties that lead to nothing but failure and pain.

Well, this wife picked the short end of the stick herself.

While I agree the father has to work to build the bonds with his kids, they owe him respect and obedience because he is their father.

Whether he bonds with them or not.

Same way he owes them shelter, food, education and clothing whether they shine teeth with him or not.

And under no circumstance should a wife encourage the kids to disobey or disrespect the father except he tells them to do something wrong.

Whether the father has OCD or not is none of their business. He wants the car washed everyday, they wash it everyday.

Even if they see the car is clean and just pour water on it, wash is wash. It is in the place of rapport they would toast him that the car doesn't need washing daily (if they have built it.)

What you can't take, Don't dish it.

No mother would tolerate the father encouraging their kids to disrespect/disobey her because 'she doesn't have a bond'.

luminouz:


So my children do not owe me obedience?

So because I decided to give birth to kids,they must be wayward, untrained, undisciplined and caustic dregs?

In an attempt to sound futuristic and a white man ideology-copycat, you ended up disgracing yourself.

Why on Earth do people seem so emotional and blind to glaring facts and become hypocritical?

Are you really telling me that BS up there or are you in the middle of something extrasensorily mind numbing?

So the biblical phrase of "spare the rod and spoil the child" comes from a place of knowing kids need to be trained,they need to obey. Since you lots love the Bible, check what the holy book says about children and obeying their parents.

So a man that trains and suffers for his kids must tolerate their disrespect because they owed him nothing? I wonder if it were to be the wife being disrespected, what your answer would be.

they don't actually owe you obedience. They should obey you because you have influence in their lives and that brings about respect.

But I agree that he should not tolerate disrespectful behavior from them. He should kick them out. At 20 and 18, they're not babies anymore.

omojesu202:

From outside, she has been a good woman but she didn't blend the children to their father. The nature of his job takes him on transfer always and not stationed with his family but regular monthly visit is always there.

This is where the problem started. Why men would leave the raising of their kids to their wife alone is what I would never understand. It is not her job to "blend" her children to their father (if that is possible), it is the duty of the man to draw his children closer to him. If he had a job that never mandated him to travel out and leave the raising of kids to his wife alone, the kids would be close to him.
These days we have kids who prefer their dad to their mom, you know why? Dad makes out time to spend time with them, listen to them, play with them, correct them and be there for them in general.
It is not too late though, your brother can still build a relationship with them now. He should try getting to know his kids and spend time with them.

I fear for the future.

A 20 year old who cannot respect the man feeding, clothing, sheltering and training him in school:

How would respect his colleagues at work? His neighbors? His wife? His children? His in-laws?

How would he treat a wife he paid her bride price?

And to think a lot of people are supporting/ seeing nothing wrong in the actions of the mother and sons:

Do they also disobey/disrespect their fathers because they do not bond? Or do all their fathers 'bond' with them?

letskeeptalking:


Is it a woman's job to connect the children to their father? Are they not his children? Why did he not ensure he creates that bond between him and them.

When men will abandon children for their mothers, and be forming big man. . in taking care of your own children. This is the consequences.

You don't know the bond that develops over little things like helping them with bathing them, feeding them, helping them with their assignments, taking them to school e.t.c You think the children know/care who pays their school fees? It's the person who was there for them emotionally that they will love and appreciate.

Nigerians men continue forming big men, but don't cry foul when your own children turn on you!!!

Thank you for this. Our thoughts are aligned. For a minute, I thought this was even my comment.
Children don't care and will never care about who brings the money. What they care abou is who cares for them and shows them love.
I have seen a situation where the 3 children from a family loves their underaged housemaid more than their parents. When their mom was sick for weeks, the kids didn't care. But when the maid was sick for a day, they refused to leave her side. When daddy beat the maid, they refused to talk to dad, the last born went as far as not letting dad carry him or even take things from daddy. The reason for this is that it is the maid that cares for them and shows them love while the parents are busy with work. They have a better relationship with the maid than their parents.
It is the same thing that is happening with the poster's brother. He never cared to build a relationship with his kids.

Zane2point4:

Maybe in your own aspect or view,chidren aint supposed to be render service to there parents.

Well I'll simply raise my chidren same way i was raised,uptil now i still fear,respect,and do anything for them blc when i was vulnerable they were there for me or havnt you heard that adage that says "the child is the father of the man"
We born children so that at old age the blcome useful to us,pls be real.

E go shock you

omojesu202:


I even prefer my marriage to collapse than my brother's own. His problem is my problem. I know how to handle mine, contribute to where I request your contribution or stfu

real man

bukatyne:
I fear for the future.

A 20 year old who cannot respect the man feeding, clothing, sheltering and training him in school:

How would respect his colleagues at work? His neighbors? His wife? His children? His in-laws?

How would he treat a wife he paid her bride price?

And to think a lot of people are supporting/ seeing nothing wrong in the actions of the mother and sons:

Do they also disobey/disrespect their fathers because they do not bond? Or do all their fathers 'bond' with them?

We are not supporting the mother or the son. It is glaring even to a blind man that mother and son are wrong. But you will agree that this can never happen if the man has a personal relationship with his kids.
Even when the mother would say it is too early, the child would disagree with her because he values his father.

omojesu202:
It is no news that most marriages are collapsing.
Mine is just two years but I also see signs of collapse.

What's happening in my brothers marriage is painful to me because I know the financial investment and sacrifices he puts into it. I don't know what he did to his wife but she has turned his children against him.

Imagine that you cannot tell your 20 years old first son to wash your car like 7am, the mother will tell you that you should allow him to enjoy his sleep. Not once, not twice and not thrice.
This is the children you'll go hungry and borrow money to pay high school fees to make sure they go to good schools.

It is painful to me because I knew when he was paying 200k per term each on three kids while his basic was just 300k.

Now the firstborn and secondborn will disobey him on ordinary washing of car just because he can no longer meet up.

Please how would you handle such issues?
You might just hear that a man killed his wife and three children in the news. That would not be our portion.

From outside, she has been a good woman but she didn't blend the children to their father. The nature of his job takes him on transfer always and not stationed with his family but regular monthly visit is always there.

my child cannot try that with cos I will rain curse upon curse on you! Am I not your father!

Refinedbeing:
The woman have so much influence on those kids because your brother wasn't there enough for them. Fatherly role is more than just paying bills and putting foods on the table honestly. Now the woman is in total control of the kids emotions and feelings.

Spot on!

omojesu202:


Yes, bonding is important but not everyone is good at it especially with some jobs. Now, if the children are disobedient to their father but not to the mother, isn't it obvious?? she can correct it, not as if he's the type that beats his wife.

It is obvious that the woman is not a good woman. It is not every woman you should leave the duty of parenting your kids, now she has influenced them negatively.

aroundtheearth:
Your brother's marriage is his responsibility, not yours. Your own marriage that's about to collapse like his, is yours. Face yours, biko.

I hate this type of words, the reason the world is in shambles ....spits