₦airaland Forum

Iamafinegirl:
But I want to ask a question
Are u saying in marriage, the same see finish won’t be there?
Like if we were married or it would be same and I wld be in same condition

Iamafinegirl:
Please I need your help or view point in this matter. Am I just over reacting at is this a red flag to which I need to run far away from?
My current boo asked me out for like one and half year, it was like it’s either me or no one else. His friends and bosses in his office had to speak to me to consider him as I might be missing a good man and how crazy he is about me.
I finally accepted.
I decided to move in with him after a while just to see what marriage to him would feel like with him. I have stayed a year with him and it’s void of sex and kissing.
When I came he would say they should put on the gen anytime there was no light for me and all, he was sweet.
With time he started complaining that he was buying all the food in the house and I wasn’t contributing as much as he wants.
He eats about 5 times a day while I eat twice or one and half times (fruit, oat and pap) a day because me I am watching my weight.
He would complain the milk he bought had finished and all...and it was with some level of anger or bitterness about buying the food stuff.
Pls note that I consume 25% - 30% of all he eats.
I later started buying my milk to avoid issues since I knew that’s what I consume most (with my oat or pap) which makes one of my meal for the day but he was angry about me buying it separately but I did that because I felt there would be peace that way. I would still buy milk and keep and he can say I am using more than he is using inside the milk
He complained about repairs (light), complained about buying dstv subscription, nepa light payment etc. You just list any house thing he started complained about doing it.
I on my path do contribute the way I spent before I came to stay with him. (I wasn’t a huge spender as I eat very small food) and so my money use to remain which he used to borrow from me when we werent together.
We had a him 60k and me 40k arrangement for food fuel light etc but we never put it together and so each week I did ensure I spend 10k. But apparently he wasn’t seeing it. I would come from market and he would say what is all this, this is worth 5k. It use to hurt so much because I wld show him the list but he would still say this same thing. I have never asked him how much he bought things if he goes to market talk less if say it’s not up to a certain amount.
He said later that he can’t marry a woman who works and won’t contribute for light, food, repair, gen etc....
So even today we contributed for dstv 4700, I paid half and he paid half.
It looks sort of absurd and a no no to me
Yesterday he bought apples 800 naira and I paid half and he paid half....
And so that’s how the current life would be....
I contributed to the rent also but he said no... that he would “dash me” rent. I shouldn’t pay so I won’t come tomorrow and say I contributed to the house rent. I even said ok use the money for food and other things you complain about, but he said he won’t collect it under the umbrella of house rent that never.
I see it upside down for a man to be saying he is paying rent and see it that he is dashing me. When I can pay my rent by myself and he knows fully well. If I was living alone the same way he has been living alone, won’t I do my repair, dstv subscription etc without asking anybody? So why is it a big deal the moment I stepped in? This are things if my friend came to live with me to God who made me I would do/ take responsibility for because the dstv subscription I would have paid for before won’t change with your presence...the only thing that may change is water and food and so if they contributed it would go towards that.
This is dating phase, please what marriage would become of this.
Am I the one at fault?
I need honest reviews so I can know if I am having problem and if I need to work on myself or if I need to run.
My parents marriage wasn’t like this my dad bought food and mum did other investments for the family or so and it was never an issue or was there a specific fight that you, you are not buying enough milk on the house or I can’t see d 10k food u said you just bought...it doesn’t look it etc.
He would also say me I want to be saving my money and all.
Pls what’s d way forward or backward married folks, married men and women, what am I not seeing that you can see?

Iamafinegirl:
I wanted to see what marriage with him would be like. Sooner or later I would still live with him if married and I won’t or never know all I know now and it’s too late to run then

Mikester:
pozehnani to be honest, I think it's best you

1. Leave his house
2. Don't give him or anyone else sex no matter what till they marry you rightfully, else your loss
3. Give him some time alone. Sometimes to draw people closer, to make people realise your value to them, you have to give them a little distance
4. Focus more on investing in yourself
5. Remember number 2

Iamafinegirl:
Please I need your help or view point in this matter. Am I just over reacting at is this a red flag to which I need to run far away from?
My current boo asked me out for like one and half year, it was like it’s either me or no one else. His friends and bosses in his office had to speak to me to consider him as I might be missing a good man and how crazy he is about me.
I finally accepted.
I decided to move in with him after a while just to see what marriage to him would feel like with him. I have stayed a year with him and it’s void of sex and kissing.
When I came he would say they should put on the gen anytime there was no light for me and all, he was sweet.
With time he started complaining that he was buying all the food in the house and I wasn’t contributing as much as he wants.
He eats about 5 times a day while I eat twice or one and half times (fruit, oat and pap) a day because me I am watching my weight.
He would complain the milk he bought had finished and all...and it was with some level of anger or bitterness about buying the food stuff.
Pls note that I consume 25% - 30% of all he eats.
I later started buying my milk to avoid issues since I knew that’s what I consume most (with my oat or pap) which makes one of my meal for the day but he was angry about me buying it separately but I did that because I felt there would be peace that way. I would still buy milk and keep and he can say I am using more than he is using inside the milk
He complained about repairs (light), complained about buying dstv subscription, nepa light payment etc. You just list any house thing he started complained about doing it.
I on my path do contribute the way I spent before I came to stay with him. (I wasn’t a huge spender as I eat very small food) and so my money use to remain which he used to borrow from me when we werent together.
We had a him 60k and me 40k arrangement for food fuel light etc but we never put it together and so each week I did ensure I spend 10k. But apparently he wasn’t seeing it. I would come from market and he would say what is all this, this is worth 5k. It use to hurt so much because I wld show him the list but he would still say this same thing. I have never asked him how much he bought things if he goes to market talk less if say it’s not up to a certain amount.
He said later that he can’t marry a woman who works and won’t contribute for light, food, repair, gen etc....
So even today we contributed for dstv 4700, I paid half and he paid half.
It looks sort of absurd and a no no to me
Yesterday he bought apples 800 naira and I paid half and he paid half....
And so that’s how the current life would be....
I contributed to the rent also but he said no... that he would “dash me” rent. I shouldn’t pay so I won’t come tomorrow and say I contributed to the house rent. I even said ok use the money for food and other things you complain about, but he said he won’t collect it under the umbrella of house rent that never.
I see it upside down for a man to be saying he is paying rent and see it that he is dashing me. When I can pay my rent by myself and he knows fully well. If I was living alone the same way he has been living alone, won’t I do my repair, dstv subscription etc without asking anybody? So why is it a big deal the moment I stepped in? This are things if my friend came to live with me to God who made me I would do/ take responsibility for because the dstv subscription I would have paid for before won’t change with your presence...the only thing that may change is water and food and so if they contributed it would go towards that.
This is dating phase, please what marriage would become of this.
Am I the one at fault?
I need honest reviews so I can know if I am having problem and if I need to work on myself or if I need to run.
My parents marriage wasn’t like this my dad bought food and mum did other investments for the family or so and it was never an issue or was there a specific fight that you, you are not buying enough milk on the house or I can’t see d 10k food u said you just bought...it doesn’t look it etc.
He would also say me I want to be saving my money and all.
Pls what’s d way forward or backward married folks, married men and women, what am I not seeing that you can see?

Mikester:
pozehnani to be honest, I think it's best you

1. Leave his house
2. Don't give him or anyone else sex no matter what till they marry you rightfully, else your loss
3. Give him some time alone. Sometimes to draw people closer, to make people realise your value to them, you have to give them a little distance
4. Focus more on investing in yourself
5. Remember number 2

Mikester:
pozehnani to be honest, I think it's best you

1. Leave his house
2. Don't give him or anyone else sex no matter what till they marry you rightfully, else your loss
3. Give him some time alone. Sometimes to draw people closer, to make people realise your value to them, you have to give them a little distance
4. Focus more on investing in yourself
5. Remember number 2

pozehnani:
Well said.
I'm not the OP though.

Iamafinegirl:
Please I need your help or view point in this matter. Am I just over reacting at is this a red flag to which I need to run far away from?
My current boo asked me out for like one and half year, it was like it’s either me or no one else. His friends and bosses in his office had to speak to me to consider him as I might be missing a good man and how crazy he is about me.
I finally accepted.
I decided to move in with him after a while just to see what marriage to him would feel like with him. I have stayed a year with him and it’s void of sex and kissing.
When I came he would say they should put on the gen anytime there was no light for me and all, he was sweet.
With time he started complaining that he was buying all the food in the house and I wasn’t contributing as much as he wants.
He eats about 5 times a day while I eat twice or one and half times (fruit, oat and pap) a day because me I am watching my weight.
He would complain the milk he bought had finished and all...and it was with some level of anger or bitterness about buying the food stuff.
Pls note that I consume 25% - 30% of all he eats.
I later started buying my milk to avoid issues since I knew that’s what I consume most (with my oat or pap) which makes one of my meal for the day but he was angry about me buying it separately but I did that because I felt there would be peace that way. I would still buy milk and keep and he can say I am using more than he is using inside the milk
He complained about repairs (light), complained about buying dstv subscription, nepa light payment etc. You just list any house thing he started complained about doing it.
I on my path do contribute the way I spent before I came to stay with him. (I wasn’t a huge spender as I eat very small food) and so my money use to remain which he used to borrow from me when we werent together.
We had a him 60k and me 40k arrangement for food fuel light etc but we never put it together and so each week I did ensure I spend 10k. But apparently he wasn’t seeing it. I would come from market and he would say what is all this, this is worth 5k. It use to hurt so much because I wld show him the list but he would still say this same thing. I have never asked him how much he bought things if he goes to market talk less if say it’s not up to a certain amount.
He said later that he can’t marry a woman who works and won’t contribute for light, food, repair, gen etc....
So even today we contributed for dstv 4700, I paid half and he paid half.
It looks sort of absurd and a no no to me
Yesterday he bought apples 800 naira and I paid half and he paid half....
And so that’s how the current life would be....
I contributed to the rent also but he said no... that he would “dash me” rent. I shouldn’t pay so I won’t come tomorrow and say I contributed to the house rent. I even said ok use the money for food and other things you complain about, but he said he won’t collect it under the umbrella of house rent that never.
I see it upside down for a man to be saying he is paying rent and see it that he is dashing me. When I can pay my rent by myself and he knows fully well. If I was living alone the same way he has been living alone, won’t I do my repair, dstv subscription etc without asking anybody? So why is it a big deal the moment I stepped in? This are things if my friend came to live with me to God who made me I would do/ take responsibility for because the dstv subscription I would have paid for before won’t change with your presence...the only thing that may change is water and food and so if they contributed it would go towards that.
This is dating phase, please what marriage would become of this.
Am I the one at fault?
I need honest reviews so I can know if I am having problem and if I need to work on myself or if I need to run.
My parents marriage wasn’t like this my dad bought food and mum did other investments for the family or so and it was never an issue or was there a specific fight that you, you are not buying enough milk on the house or I can’t see d 10k food u said you just bought...it doesn’t look it etc.
He would also say me I want to be saving my money and all.
Pls what’s d way forward or backward married folks, married men and women, what am I not seeing that you can see?

Remijuice:
Our Nigerian feminists are always confused. They don't know what Feminism stands for,, not knowing when they are standing for or against the ideology..


A feminist that wants to be taking care of, is that one a feminist??


The Future is just femail!

lilvicky68:
Your marriage will be filled with complain and nagging if you continue with him..fullstop..

As in eeh!



They have already counted how many times person eats in a day.


Imagine.



Very soon they will start weighing the food.

Komu1048:
Sister stop deceiving yourself, you guys are not lovers but you are squatting with him. When you squat with someone you guys won’t fuxk, u won’t pay house rent but others responsibility will be shared equally. Let him have a taste of you n and I will bet he will start taking care of you the way he is suppose to

Sixfeetbelle:
He should only have a taste of her after he's married her. Taste ko, taste ni

Komu1048:
That’s where the relationship is still going now, the essence of the cohabitation is to know each other’s before marriage. But she should release her body, that way she will be able to decide if the dude loves her or not

Iamafinegirl:
The house I was staying is kukuma still there.
Nobody pursue me
I still have the key to the house and visit it from time to time.
I don’t evn have issues helping out and I do. I can split a rent or even pay the whole rent because I understand my hubby is completely spent our on school fees or something else. He shouldn’t borrow. but wen little items start getting counted, like dstv, Apple etc (things u wld do with or without me) or it becomes a thing of offense...I get so scared. I even started thinking at a point that this is the right thing or way. Share cost of the Apple, 400 naira wheat etc. should I say loneliness caused it ? It’s a boring state

But u hit the nail on the head!!!

Truvel:
Ur Current Boo Is Not Good 4 U. U Will Experience Nightmare, Sorrow & Regret If U Marry Him.

coldFLARES1:
You just love it when women report domestic issues,........they're never in the wrong!

Nonetheless, I could advice from your narration already. Lady, please end that mock marriage youve been experimenting with by cohabiting with that guy for over a year now. The revelations are damning and are a pointer to what disaster the both of you would make of the marriage institution.

To a large extent, I agree with your boyfriend about being put-off by the unwillingness of a working spouse to contribute to the running of the home while also being jolted by his rather open clamour that you share the bill in a certain ratio. But you see, where you said he eats 5times a day (someone who supposedly goes to work) while you eat one and a half time a day is the deal-breaker for me. Shows you would be comfortable even if he decides to eat like a chicken but provided he doesn't bother you with requesting your contribution (a working woman).

Please kindly leave his house; get your apartment; be totally responsible for yourself while you await someone else that has no qualms with being totally responsible, in a relationship/union, with a woman that earns but yet is unwilling to contribute to the welfare/wellbeing of her home.

Sixfeetbelle:
It's like you lack comprehension. She's not releasing her body to him till he marries her. Simple. If konji is the reason he's acting like this, he should do a wanking session. He'll be fine afterwards.

StennyB:
Sorry to say...You have a flatmate and not a potential husband.
Its not compulsory to split the bills with a man.
He's just showing you his real self. If you can't deal then walk.

SweetCunt97:
Marriage is team work but not down to apples oooo! Any guy that try such shit with me aint serious, tjank God i don't date all these equal bill splitting men.

Draslo:
Both of you, una engine don rust. No oil. Excess friction.


Trust me, the no sex rule is contributory to your problems. In this difficult country, how will I live with a woman without entering her body, subject her to my will with multiple climaxes often?? Excess sexual tension na recipe for disaster not only at home but even in the office environment.

Sixfeetbelle:
It's like you lack comprehension. She's not releasing her body to him till he marries her. Simple. If konji is the reason he's acting like this, he should do a wanking session. He'll be fine afterwards.

i926:
Potential wife that is hoarding pussy. Is that one wife material?