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Am I About To Make A Wrong Marital Choice? - Romance (2) - Nairaland

Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Romance / Am I About To Make A Wrong Marital Choice? (4347 Views)

Only Fools Fall In Love. Am I About To Be A Fool? / Am I About To Be Scam / Please What Can We Do??My Gf aand i about to make a lifechanging decision (2) (3) (4)

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Re: Am I About To Make A Wrong Marital Choice? by pozehnani(f): 4:09am On Feb 23
Op respect yourself and move of that house. He has not married you and it obvious he's tired of you already.

If you continue or go ahead and marry him, he's still going to continue with this behavior. He has showed you the kind of person he is. So it's now left for you to decide whether you can cope or not.

Men generally these days now wants to share responsibilities even to an annoying extent and it's such a shame. Imagine sharing apple? The next time it will be sharing buying of matches. Pathetic.

Just leave him. Also stop cohabiting with someone who has not married you. It reduces their respect for

5 Likes

Re: Am I About To Make A Wrong Marital Choice? by pusapou(f): 4:09am On Feb 23
DaddyRochie1642:
Madam if nobody here wants to tell you the truth, then I DaddyRochie will Tell you the Bitter Truth.


From your Story up there, you are displaying the typical Nigerian woman Selfishness and I say this without Remorse.... Even if that man eats Five times a day and you eat twice a day, the mistake you made from the beginning is to wait for the man to complain first before you start contributing to food stuffs,

I read in your story where you said you and him contributed half of the money to pay for the DStv subscription and you said you find it absurd..Didnt your mother tell you that marriage is all about Team-Work.. don't you know genuine team work from the parties involved moves a team forward.

Let me tell you a Secret, anytime you hear a woman say "I'm Fighting for my Marriage or I Will Fight For my Marriage",... believe me, that woman made that Statement because she invested alot of effort into that marriage, thats why she won't let that marriage crumble just like that without a Fight.


Lastly, why do I have this feeling that you just moved in with that man out of Pity,

I put it to you that you have no feelings for that man.. you moved in with that man with this mentality of
"I Deserve to be taken care of and he is supposed to move heaven and Earth to take care of Me".... Better discard that Foolish mentality in your Head and Contribute positively to that man's Life, give that man peace of mind, support that man, you don't need to wait for him to start lamenting.

I know you have no feelings for that man, and you're with him out of Pity, stop Deceiving yourself and that man and do the needful.

A smart woman will never see anything wrong in equal contribution in order to move a home forward that she will still enjoy the Lion Share in the Long Run.

Simply put, I can tell you without Remorse that you're not Mentally ready for Marriage..go and meet your mother to educate you more on marriage.
hmmmm Jesus. Boss I wish you can drop this for the new generation ladies in a vook, tweet , just somewhere!

1 Like

Re: Am I About To Make A Wrong Marital Choice? by pusapou(f): 4:11am On Feb 23
I have NEVER read anything better in the last 2 months. That ur comments daddy rich can change generations
Re: Am I About To Make A Wrong Marital Choice? by famousguy01(m): 4:40am On Feb 23
DaddyRochie1642:
Madam if nobody here wants to tell you the truth, then I DaddyRochie will Tell you the Bitter Truth.


From your Story up there, you are displaying the typical Nigerian woman Selfishness and I say this without Remorse.... Even if that man eats Five times a day and you eat twice a day, the mistake you made from the beginning is to wait for the man to complain first before you start contributing to food stuffs,

I read in your story where you said you and him contributed half of the money to pay for the DStv subscription and you said you find it absurd..Didnt your mother tell you that marriage is all about Team-Work.. don't you know genuine team work from the parties involved moves a team forward.

Let me tell you a Secret, anytime you hear a woman say "I'm Fighting for my Marriage or I Will Fight For my Marriage",... believe me, that woman made that Statement because she invested alot of effort into that marriage, thats why she won't let that marriage crumble just like that without a Fight.


Lastly, why do I have this feeling that you just moved in with that man out of Pity,

I put it to you that you have no feelings for that man.. you moved in with that man with this mentality of
"I Deserve to be taken care of and he is supposed to move heaven and Earth to take care of Me".... Better discard that Foolish mentality in your Head and Contribute positively to that man's Life, give that man peace of mind, support that man, you don't need to wait for him to start lamenting.

I know you have no feelings for that man, and you're with him out of Pity, stop Deceiving yourself and that man and do the needful.

A smart woman will never see anything wrong in equal contribution in order to move a home forward that she will still enjoy the Lion Share in the Long Run.

Simply put, I can tell you without Remorse that you're not Mentally ready for Marriage..go and meet your mother to educate you more on marriage.

I rarely post on Nairaland, but your post actually moved me. It’s not so difficult to know that you’re a very matured person, @OP I know you see this post I just quoted but you purposely dodge it. You should only follow other advise if you’re not willing to settle down. Look into what has been said in this post and ask yourself what you really want. Pls I’m not in support of someone using the other person to pass time, cause if you’re that perfect for the past 1.5 year he has been wooing you, you should have found a better person. If you like don’t change your pattern at the end of the day na you go live your life no be we

6 Likes

Re: Am I About To Make A Wrong Marital Choice? by STINOS(m): 5:02am On Feb 23
I don't know about other men, but as for me it gives me joy providing for my family. my wife is working and We both contribute for the home but i didn't make it an obligation for her.

3 Likes

Re: Am I About To Make A Wrong Marital Choice? by LordIsaac(m): 5:05am On Feb 23
I honestly wonder what you are still doing with him. When it deteriorates into physical beatings, I believe you will grow sense. Kai, ladies ehn!
Re: Am I About To Make A Wrong Marital Choice? by Nonexistent: 5:11am On Feb 23
I don't usually log in here when I'm smoking my early morning weed but this lady here needs to be dealt with. You have lived with a man for over one year with no sex and you are very selfish too with little things. Why do you expect him not to be frustrated. Pack go your house, you are not ready for marriage with this terrible mindset.

3 Likes 1 Share

Re: Am I About To Make A Wrong Marital Choice? by femi4: 5:43am On Feb 23
Iamafinegirl:
Please I need your help or view point in this matter. Am I just over reacting at is this a red flag to which I need to run far away from?
My current boo asked me out for like one and half year, it was like it’s either me or no one else. His friends and bosses in his office had to speak to me to consider him as I might be missing a good man and how crazy he is about me.
I finally accepted.
I decided to move in with him after a while just to see what marriage to him would feel like with him. I have stayed a year with him and it’s void of sex and kissing.
When I came he would say they should put on the gen anytime there was no light for me and all, he was sweet.
With time he started complaining that he was buying all the food in the house and I wasn’t contributing as much as he wants.
He eats about 5 times a day while I eat twice or one and half times (fruit, oat and pap) a day because me I am watching my weight.
He would complain the milk he bought had finished and all...and it was with some level of anger or bitterness about buying the food stuff.
Pls note that I consume 25% - 30% of all he eats.
I later started buying my milk to avoid issues since I knew that’s what I consume most (with my oat or pap) which makes one of my meal for the day but he was angry about me buying it separately but I did that because I felt there would be peace that way. I would still buy milk and keep and he can say I am using more than he is using inside the milk
He complained about repairs (light), complained about buying dstv subscription, nepa light payment etc. You just list any house thing he started complained about doing it.
I on my path do contribute the way I spent before I came to stay with him. (I wasn’t a huge spender as I eat very small food) and so my money use to remain which he used to borrow from me when we werent together.
We had a him 60k and me 40k arrangement for food fuel light etc but we never put it together and so each week I did ensure I spend 10k. But apparently he wasn’t seeing it. I would come from market and he would say what is all this, this is worth 5k. It use to hurt so much because I wld show him the list but he would still say this same thing. I have never asked him how much he bought things if he goes to market talk less if say it’s not up to a certain amount.
He said later that he can’t marry a woman who works and won’t contribute for light, food, repair, gen etc....
So even today we contributed for dstv 4700, I paid half and he paid half.
It looks sort of absurd and a no no to me
Yesterday he bought apples 800 naira and I paid half and he paid half....
And so that’s how the current life would be....
I contributed to the rent also but he said no... that he would “dash me” rent. I shouldn’t pay so I won’t come tomorrow and say I contributed to the house rent. I even said ok use the money for food and other things you complain about, but he said he won’t collect it under the umbrella of house rent that never.
I see it upside down for a man to be saying he is paying rent and see it that he is dashing me. When I can pay my rent by myself and he knows fully well. If I was living alone the same way he has been living alone, won’t I do my repair, dstv subscription etc without asking anybody? So why is it a big deal the moment I stepped in? This are things if my friend came to live with me to God who made me I would do/ take responsibility for because the dstv subscription I would have paid for before won’t change with your presence...the only thing that may change is water and food and so if they contributed it would go towards that.
This is dating phase, please what marriage would become of this.
Am I the one at fault?
I need honest reviews so I can know if I am having problem and if I need to work on myself or if I need to run.
My parents marriage wasn’t like this my dad bought food and mum did other investments for the family or so and it was never an issue or was there a specific fight that you, you are not buying enough milk on the house or I can’t see d 10k food u said you just bought...it doesn’t look it etc.
He would also say me I want to be saving my money and all.
Pls what’s d way forward or backward married folks, married men and women, what am I not seeing that you can see?
Poverty everywhere.

He should up his game with a better stream of income. He's not ready for marriage financially. I don't know why you are cohabiting with him, that's how "see finish" they start o.
Go back to your parent's house

3 Likes 1 Share

Re: Am I About To Make A Wrong Marital Choice? by Validfacts: 5:45am On Feb 23
Iamafinegirl:

I decided to move in with him after a while just to see what marriage to him would feel like with him. I have stayed a year with him and it’s void of sex and kissing.
When I came he would say they should put on the gen anytime there was no light for me and all, he was sweet.
You shouldn't have even think of staying upto 3 months, talk more of year. U mean u stay with your fiance for a year, denying him of sex? Who does that? As a man, we are very calculative, what if u re using him and might dump him later, how do u want him to think. You have said it already that he treated you well when u first came but changed later. See If no one will tell you, i will tell you the fact. Relocate back to your house and let the communication continues from there till he marry u. You can't be denying me of sex under my roof, when am seeing you as my wife, paying ur bills, providing everything. I will definitely change, if am the person.

3 Likes 1 Share

Re: Am I About To Make A Wrong Marital Choice? by Uyi168(m): 5:54am On Feb 23
One full year with him and no sex.
Na God go punish u Las Las...

3 Likes

Re: Am I About To Make A Wrong Marital Choice? by olalat(m): 6:15am On Feb 23
Draslo:
Both of you, una engine don rust. No oil. Excess friction.


Trust me, the no sex rule is contributory to your problems. In this difficult country, how will I live with a woman without entering her body, subject her to my will with multiple climaxes often?? Excess sexual tension na recipe for disaster not only at home but even in the office environment.
Don't mind her, the guy is not happy in the relationship. The nosex stuff makes him treat her like a room / house mate, reason he's requesting for equal contribution in the house. You deny someone sex continuously and expect him to take husband responsibility over you!!! The guy loves her at the same time eants her out of the house. If she wants him to act her man, she should act his woman. simple.
Someone said she is living with the guy out of pity, which might be true....
Re: Am I About To Make A Wrong Marital Choice? by Pricelessruby(f): 6:47am On Feb 23
Red flag, why stay in the same house with a man you are not married to, how will he respect you, he is showing you all this attitude because he is tired of you, period undecided

3 Likes

Re: Am I About To Make A Wrong Marital Choice? by BRATISLAVA: 6:51am On Feb 23
Iamafinegirl:
Please I need your help or view point in this matter. Am I just over reacting at is this a red flag to which I need to run far away from?
My current boo asked me out for like one and half year, it was like it’s either me or no one else. His friends and bosses in his office had to speak to me to consider him as I might be missing a good man and how crazy he is about me.
I finally accepted.
I decided to move in with him after a while just to see what marriage to him would feel like with him. I have stayed a year with him and it’s void of sex and kissing.
When I came he would say they should put on the gen anytime there was no light for me and all, he was sweet.
With time he started complaining that he was buying all the food in the house and I wasn’t contributing as much as he wants.
He eats about 5 times a day while I eat twice or one and half times (fruit, oat and pap) a day because me I am watching my weight.
He would complain the milk he bought had finished and all...and it was with some level of anger or bitterness about buying the food stuff.
Pls note that I consume 25% - 30% of all he eats.
I later started buying my milk to avoid issues since I knew that’s what I consume most (with my oat or pap) which makes one of my meal for the day but he was angry about me buying it separately but I did that because I felt there would be peace that way. I would still buy milk and keep and he can say I am using more than he is using inside the milk
He complained about repairs (light), complained about buying dstv subscription, nepa light payment etc. You just list any house thing he started complained about doing it.
I on my path do contribute the way I spent before I came to stay with him. (I wasn’t a huge spender as I eat very small food) and so my money use to remain which he used to borrow from me when we werent together.
We had a him 60k and me 40k arrangement for food fuel light etc but we never put it together and so each week I did ensure I spend 10k. But apparently he wasn’t seeing it. I would come from market and he would say what is all this, this is worth 5k. It use to hurt so much because I wld show him the list but he would still say this same thing. I have never asked him how much he bought things if he goes to market talk less if say it’s not up to a certain amount.
He said later that he can’t marry a woman who works and won’t contribute for light, food, repair, gen etc....
So even today we contributed for dstv 4700, I paid half and he paid half.
It looks sort of absurd and a no no to me
Yesterday he bought apples 800 naira and I paid half and he paid half....
And so that’s how the current life would be....
I contributed to the rent also but he said no... that he would “dash me” rent. I shouldn’t pay so I won’t come tomorrow and say I contributed to the house rent. I even said ok use the money for food and other things you complain about, but he said he won’t collect it under the umbrella of house rent that never.
I see it upside down for a man to be saying he is paying rent and see it that he is dashing me. When I can pay my rent by myself and he knows fully well. If I was living alone the same way he has been living alone, won’t I do my repair, dstv subscription etc without asking anybody? So why is it a big deal the moment I stepped in? This are things if my friend came to live with me to God who made me I would do/ take responsibility for because the dstv subscription I would have paid for before won’t change with your presence...the only thing that may change is water and food and so if they contributed it would go towards that.
This is dating phase, please what marriage would become of this.
Am I the one at fault?
I need honest reviews so I can know if I am having problem and if I need to work on myself or if I need to run.
My parents marriage wasn’t like this my dad bought food and mum did other investments for the family or so and it was never an issue or was there a specific fight that you, you are not buying enough milk on the house or I can’t see d 10k food u said you just bought...it doesn’t look it etc.
He would also say me I want to be saving my money and all.
Pls what’s d way forward or backward married folks, married men and women, what am I not seeing that you can see?

You're dating a sadistic red pill man. He's not in love with you. He is finally old and needs companionship. Every move he takes is carefully thought out so that he always comes out on top, even if it means being extremely foolish, ridiculous and difficult. He will soon push all responsibilities to you.

He's looking for a woman who will do things for him, because he cannot be a man otherwise.

He thinks he's wise, like most red pill men on this forum. They don't know what love and togetherness is, like most of the men here.

You should leave him to enjoy his bachelor life. Looks like he has been looking for who to pay for 70% of his feeding bills.

Run from him. Fast.

He's refused to have sex with you and you don't suspect a lavender marriage?

2 Likes

Re: Am I About To Make A Wrong Marital Choice? by zexy2030(m): 7:08am On Feb 23
DaddyRochie1642:
Madam if nobody here wants to tell you the truth, then I DaddyRochie will Tell you the Bitter Truth.


From your Story up there, you are displaying the typical Nigerian woman Selfishness and I say this without Remorse.... Even if that man eats Five times a day and you eat twice a day, the mistake you made from the beginning is to wait for the man to complain first before you start contributing to food stuffs,

I read in your story where you said you and him contributed half of the money to pay for the DStv subscription and you said you find it absurd..Didnt your mother tell you that marriage is all about Team-Work.. don't you know genuine team work from the parties involved moves a team forward.

Let me tell you a Secret, anytime you hear a woman say "I'm Fighting for my Marriage or I Will Fight For my Marriage",... believe me, that woman made that Statement because she invested alot of effort into that marriage, thats why she won't let that marriage crumble just like that without a Fight.


Lastly, why do I have this feeling that you just moved in with that man out of Pity,

I put it to you that you have no feelings for that man.. you moved in with that man with this mentality of
"I Deserve to be taken care of and he is supposed to move heaven and Earth to take care of Me".... Better discard that Foolish mentality in your Head and Contribute positively to that man's Life, give that man peace of mind, support that man, you don't need to wait for him to start lamenting.

I know you have no feelings for that man, and you're with him out of Pity, stop Deceiving yourself and that man and do the needful.

A smart woman will never see anything wrong in equal contribution in order to move a home forward that she will still enjoy the Lion Share in the Long Run.

Simply put, I can tell you without Remorse that you're not Mentally ready for Marriage..go and meet your mother to educate you more on marriage.
Iamafinegirl, this is insightful.

Co - habiting with a guy in this ever inflated country, is a misnormal.

Go back to your house and re-arrange your mental preparedness for marriage.

Yes you came for a marriage adventure, a forestate of how it looks like, as you envy your friends who are married too.

The truth is that co habiting with a guy without sex nor splitting bills makes him feel stupid, especially today Nigerian girls. He is tired of
Re: Am I About To Make A Wrong Marital Choice? by Sanchez01: 7:30am On Feb 23
Iamafinegirl, the hard to get game probably placed you high and mighty in his eyes but you fell to zero the moment you moved in with him. The respect, admiration and worth he has has probably fallen to zero.

Moving in with a man you're not married to under the umbrella of "I want to study him" is somewhat funny. There are many ways to study someone without necessarily moving in with them.

Other than those things he's lost for you, it seems he doesn't like the idea of being around too long or living free under his roof. He has started showing you the butt of the yam, I think it is proper you got the memo and leave at this point.

I am of the theory that a woman's contribution, if at all she wants to or it is agreed, shouldn't be more then 30% while the man foots the 70%. Your 30% could be channeled to food, cable subscription and possibly gas filling, if the 30% isn't expended already. But in this case, you guys aren't married and as such, it will be hard for him to take that since you probably moved in without him asking.

No matter how much you wanted to be around him, you shouldn't have stayed even beyond 3 days.

Save in marriage, the longer you cohabit with a man, the quicker "see finish" happens and the more that happens, the quicker the spark dies. When this happens, that "specialness" wears off and you become what he imagines in his head. The red flag isn't him but you.

1 Like

Re: Am I About To Make A Wrong Marital Choice? by Mikester(m): 7:52am On Feb 23
To be honest, I think it's best you

1. Leave his house
2. Don't give him or anyone else sex no matter what till they marry you rightfully, else your loss
3. Give him some time alone. Sometimes to draw people closer, to make people realise your value to them, you have to give them a little distance
4. Focus more on investing in yourself
5. Remember number 2

5 Likes

Re: Am I About To Make A Wrong Marital Choice? by Kirkman: 8:03am On Feb 23
Op I only have one advice for you; Japa japa, ja lo si your own house o! For your rest of mind, peace and sanity.

1 Like

Re: Am I About To Make A Wrong Marital Choice? by Depressed101: 8:10am On Feb 23
Iamafinegirl:
Please I need your help or view point in this matter. Am I just over reacting at is this a red flag to which I need to run far away from?
My current boo asked me out for like one and half year, it was like it’s either me or no one else. His friends and bosses in his office had to speak to me to consider him as I might be missing a good man and how crazy he is about me.
I finally accepted.
I decided to move in with him after a while just to see what marriage to him would feel like with him. I have stayed a year with him and it’s void of sex and kissing.
When I came he would say they should put on the gen anytime there was no light for me and all, he was sweet.
With time he started complaining that he was buying all the food in the house and I wasn’t contributing as much as he wants.
He eats about 5 times a day while I eat twice or one and half times (fruit, oat and pap) a day because me I am watching my weight.
He would complain the milk he bought had finished and all...and it was with some level of anger or bitterness about buying the food stuff.
Pls note that I consume 25% - 30% of all he eats.
I later started buying my milk to avoid issues since I knew that’s what I consume most (with my oat or pap) which makes one of my meal for the day but he was angry about me buying it separately but I did that because I felt there would be peace that way. I would still buy milk and keep and he can say I am using more than he is using inside the milk
He complained about repairs (light), complained about buying dstv subscription, nepa light payment etc. You just list any house thing he started complained about doing it.
I on my path do contribute the way I spent before I came to stay with him. (I wasn’t a huge spender as I eat very small food) and so my money use to remain which he used to borrow from me when we werent together.
We had a him 60k and me 40k arrangement for food fuel light etc but we never put it together and so each week I did ensure I spend 10k. But apparently he wasn’t seeing it. I would come from market and he would say what is all this, this is worth 5k. It use to hurt so much because I wld show him the list but he would still say this same thing. I have never asked him how much he bought things if he goes to market talk less if say it’s not up to a certain amount.
He said later that he can’t marry a woman who works and won’t contribute for light, food, repair, gen etc....
So even today we contributed for dstv 4700, I paid half and he paid half.
It looks sort of absurd and a no no to me
Yesterday he bought apples 800 naira and I paid half and he paid half....
And so that’s how the current life would be....
I contributed to the rent also but he said no... that he would “dash me” rent. I shouldn’t pay so I won’t come tomorrow and say I contributed to the house rent. I even said ok use the money for food and other things you complain about, but he said he won’t collect it under the umbrella of house rent that never.
I see it upside down for a man to be saying he is paying rent and see it that he is dashing me. When I can pay my rent by myself and he knows fully well. If I was living alone the same way he has been living alone, won’t I do my repair, dstv subscription etc without asking anybody? So why is it a big deal the moment I stepped in? This are things if my friend came to live with me to God who made me I would do/ take responsibility for because the dstv subscription I would have paid for before won’t change with your presence...the only thing that may change is water and food and so if they contributed it would go towards that.
This is dating phase, please what marriage would become of this.
Am I the one at fault?
I need honest reviews so I can know if I am having problem and if I need to work on myself or if I need to run.
My parents marriage wasn’t like this my dad bought food and mum did other investments for the family or so and it was never an issue or was there a specific fight that you, you are not buying enough milk on the house or I can’t see d 10k food u said you just bought...it doesn’t look it etc.
He would also say me I want to be saving my money and all.
Pls what’s d way forward or backward married folks, married men and women, what am I not seeing that you can see?
tell him you are packing out and can't continue with his nagging.. Do this and see his reaction, remember you not married, so don't come and be forming like you have an obligation to him..

And also how do two grown up stay in house a full whole year without romance, or did I get you wrong?
Re: Am I About To Make A Wrong Marital Choice? by sweet7oyin(m): 8:19am On Feb 23
pozehnani:
Op respect yourself and move of that house. He has not married you and it obvious he's tired of you already.

If you continue or go ahead and marry him, he's still going to continue with this behavior. He has showed you the kind of person he is. So it's now left for you to decide whether you can cope or not.

Men generally these days now wants to share responsibilities even to an annoying extent and it's such a shame. Imagine sharing apple? The next time it will be sharing buying of matches. Pathetic.

Just leave him. Also stop cohabiting with someone who has not married you. It reduces their respect for
you are not a feminist??
Re: Am I About To Make A Wrong Marital Choice? by JenniferAkpamu(f): 8:31am On Feb 23
Pack your bags and get the fück out of that house if you have any remaining iota of self respect.

2 Likes

Re: Am I About To Make A Wrong Marital Choice? by Piptocoin: 8:36am On Feb 23
Margy:
mumu op!
common pack your load and get out of there! you are living with someone who is not your husband..are you alright like this?

whats all this nonsense? you are eating this and that, lets contribute and pay dstv!..aahh.what I'm i reading so...this irk me walai

Asin...I'm so angry right now. Is the op so slow in thinking that all these experiences are not enough to convince her she is living with a huge problem called boyfriend? How can a person be in a relationship with selfish Problem and be judging herself as having the problem? So unthinkable.

1 Like

Re: Am I About To Make A Wrong Marital Choice? by tosaino95(m): 8:52am On Feb 23
I got no much to say that your man na crazy and senseless human being.

1 Like

Re: Am I About To Make A Wrong Marital Choice? by Twelfthman: 8:59am On Feb 23
A nagging partner?? That's is a big NO

2 Likes

Re: Am I About To Make A Wrong Marital Choice? by pointblank247(m): 9:07am On Feb 23
Please leave that place.

2 Likes

Re: Am I About To Make A Wrong Marital Choice? by eduj(m): 9:14am On Feb 23
Iamafinegirl:
Please I need your help or view point in this matter. Am I just over reacting at is this a red flag to which I need to run far away from?
My current boo asked me out for like one and half year, it was like it’s either me or no one else. His friends and bosses in his office had to speak to me to consider him as I might be missing a good man and how crazy he is about me.
I finally accepted.
I decided to move in with him after a while just to see what marriage to him would feel like with him. I have stayed a year with him and it’s void of sex and kissing.
When I came he would say they should put on the gen anytime there was no light for me and all, he was sweet.
With time he started complaining that he was buying all the food in the house and I wasn’t contributing as much as he wants.
He eats about 5 times a day while I eat twice or one and half times (fruit, oat and pap) a day because me I am watching my weight.
He would complain the milk he bought had finished and all...and it was with some level of anger or bitterness about buying the food stuff.
Pls note that I consume 25% - 30% of all he eats.
I later started buying my milk to avoid issues since I knew that’s what I consume most (with my oat or pap) which makes one of my meal for the day but he was angry about me buying it separately but I did that because I felt there would be peace that way. I would still buy milk and keep and he can say I am using more than he is using inside the milk
He complained about repairs (light), complained about buying dstv subscription, nepa light payment etc. You just list any house thing he started complained about doing it.
I on my path do contribute the way I spent before I came to stay with him. (I wasn’t a huge spender as I eat very small food) and so my money use to remain which he used to borrow from me when we werent together.
We had a him 60k and me 40k arrangement for food fuel light etc but we never put it together and so each week I did ensure I spend 10k. But apparently he wasn’t seeing it. I would come from market and he would say what is all this, this is worth 5k. It use to hurt so much because I wld show him the list but he would still say this same thing. I have never asked him how much he bought things if he goes to market talk less if say it’s not up to a certain amount.
He said later that he can’t marry a woman who works and won’t contribute for light, food, repair, gen etc....
So even today we contributed for dstv 4700, I paid half and he paid half.
It looks sort of absurd and a no no to me
Yesterday he bought apples 800 naira and I paid half and he paid half....
And so that’s how the current life would be....
I contributed to the rent also but he said no... that he would “dash me” rent. I shouldn’t pay so I won’t come tomorrow and say I contributed to the house rent. I even said ok use the money for food and other things you complain about, but he said he won’t collect it under the umbrella of house rent that never.
I see it upside down for a man to be saying he is paying rent and see it that he is dashing me. When I can pay my rent by myself and he knows fully well. If I was living alone the same way he has been living alone, won’t I do my repair, dstv subscription etc without asking anybody? So why is it a big deal the moment I stepped in? This are things if my friend came to live with me to God who made me I would do/ take responsibility for because the dstv subscription I would have paid for before won’t change with your presence...the only thing that may change is water and food and so if they contributed it would go towards that.
This is dating phase, please what marriage would become of this.
Am I the one at fault?
I need honest reviews so I can know if I am having problem and if I need to work on myself or if I need to run.
My parents marriage wasn’t like this my dad bought food and mum did other investments for the family or so and it was never an issue or was there a specific fight that you, you are not buying enough milk on the house or I can’t see d 10k food u said you just bought...it doesn’t look it etc.
He would also say me I want to be saving my money and all.
Pls what’s d way forward or backward married folks, married men and women, what am I not seeing that you can see?

I just want to tell.......
what are you waiting for
run for your life..............

1 Like

Re: Am I About To Make A Wrong Marital Choice? by yetunsbay(m): 9:16am On Feb 23
I no finish up but if you eventually marry am then na mistake. How can a man share bills with a supposed wife to be

2 Likes

Re: Am I About To Make A Wrong Marital Choice? by tchidi066(f): 9:17am On Feb 23
@op, madam, in the name of whatever you serve, please leave that house, yes leave, why should you cohabit with someone who isn't your husband, imagine my so called boyfriend will buy apples and i will split the bills by half, it's so uncalled for. I doubt that guy loves you, and if there is anything that irks me in life, it's stingy and selfish people, i avoid them like a plague.

2 Likes

Re: Am I About To Make A Wrong Marital Choice? by Iamafinegirl: 9:22am On Feb 23
Poorboy:
Since you have been trying and he still complains,

I foresee you still going on with him because you're use to him.

I foresee a fight between you both

I foresee you still going on to marry him thinking he will change after marriage.

I foresee premium tears years after

I foresee anger in the marriage as you continue to try making things work so people won't say you're divorce.

I foresee frustration arising from both sense of entitlement, you contributing with him to pay your children school fees and you bringing more part of the fees because the cheap school he wanted your child to go you didn't like it.

I foresee complains, dispute settling always.


I forsee complete endurance in the marriage in future.

I forsee you turning your children against him and telling your children how wicked their father is.

I forsee the children having hatred for the father because of what you have said.


All these I have seen
This is scary but u know how to see into the future well
Re: Am I About To Make A Wrong Marital Choice? by Iamafinegirl: 9:23am On Feb 23
tchidi066:
@op, madam, in the name of whatever you serve, please leave that house, yes leave, why should you cohabit with someone who isn't your husband, imagine my so called boyfriend will buy apples and i will split the bills by half, it's so uncalled for. I doubt that guy loves you, and if there is anything that irks me in life, it's stingy and selfish people, i avoid them like a plague.
I wanted to see what marriage with him would be like. Sooner or later I would still live with him if married and I won’t or never know all I know now and it’s too late to run then
Re: Am I About To Make A Wrong Marital Choice? by Iamafinegirl: 9:39am On Feb 23
femi4:
Poverty everywhere.

He should up his game with a better stream of income. He's not ready for marriage financially. I don't know why you are cohabiting with him, that's how "see finish" they start o.
Go back to your parent's house

But I want to ask a question
Are u saying in marriage, the same see finish won’t be there?
Like if we were married or it would be same and I wld be in same condition
Re: Am I About To Make A Wrong Marital Choice? by femi4: 9:43am On Feb 23
Iamafinegirl:


But I want to ask a question
Are u saying in marriage, the same see finish won’t be there?
Like if we were married or it would be same and I wld be in same condition
He won't be passionate to settle down with you, after all you are already cohabiting.
He won't see any need for marriage again

1 Like

Re: Am I About To Make A Wrong Marital Choice? by Pearl05(f): 9:47am On Feb 23
I'm not a fan of cohabiting. Most couple that does that don't last long in marriage.

Please move out of his house and get your own place. You can find a roommate to stay with to reduce the running cost.

Then re-evaluate your relationship.

With this trend what if any of your family visits you? Will you share the apple money into three?

2 Likes

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