₦airaland Forum

ABANGWABOI:
#ILMOVON
#Attitude
#Bliv


Both of you have issues, having read both threads but I blame the dude more
@ BwambaSolomon who on earth toast a woman for close to 2 years and even involve his boss and colleagues to help him and do so ??
That was when you lost your man frame and became vulnerable to her whims and caprices ..
Y'all need a break and a re evaluation..

bwambasolomon:
God bless you for saying the truth. Even though I never particularly asked her to pay for apples. What I know we started doing was to calculate all money spent on a particular day and shared on a 60-40 basis, and that was because the pastor suggeated that when we went for counselling. Afterall we earn the same amount. She lives like a queen, I never let her sweep, I got someone to do that for us. She doesn't cook for me, I cook my food myself. She's always chilling in the AC, and for 1 year she never paid for her car to get washed or anything of the sort. She used to take the tin of Milo and milk, sit in the parlour and begin to just leak it, without using it for tea or anything, because she wasn't the one buying them. But after a very long time, that I finally complained about the milk and Milo getting finished within just about 3 days or so, she started buying hers but this time around, she hid them, and only bring them out to use for her pap or oat. Note that she was no longer just leaking as it used to be, apparently because she was the one now buying. The only thing I know she used to do was to bring small money food, which was never enough, I bought food all the time, and made sure nothing was ever lacking in the house.
This complain that brought her to nairaland now is because of the 60-40 sharing formula that we adopted less than 1 month ago. We haven't done this 60-40 sharing formula for expenditures for upto 1 month oo, she's already in nairaland asking for people's opinion. Rent is not part of it oo, she won't buy fridge, ac, inverter, generator, mattress, fan, surveillance camera or TV oo. 60-40 is just food stuff, prepaid light and miscellaneous expenses, like repair of light if it spoils, or dstv subscription.
NB: I never asked any of my colleagues to talk to her, never!

DaddyRochie1642:
Madam if nobody here wants to tell you the truth, then I DaddyRochie will Tell you the Bitter Truth.


From your Story up there, you are displaying the typical Nigerian woman Selfishness and I say this without Remorse.... Even if that man eats Five times a day and you eat twice a day, the mistake you made from the beginning is to wait for the man to complain first before you start contributing to food stuffs,

I read in your story where you said you and him contributed half of the money to pay for the DStv subscription and you said you find it absurd..Didnt your mother tell you that marriage is all about Team-Work.. don't you know genuine team work from the parties involved moves a team forward.

Let me tell you a Secret, anytime you hear a woman say "I'm Fighting for my Marriage or I Will Fight For my Marriage",... believe me, that woman made that Statement because she invested alot of effort into that marriage, thats why she won't let that marriage crumble just like that without a Fight.


Lastly, why do I have this feeling that you just moved in with that man out of Pity,

I put it to you that you have no feelings for that man.. you moved in with that man with this mentality of
"I Deserve to be taken care of and he is supposed to move heaven and Earth to take care of Me".... Better discard that Foolish mentality in your Head and Contribute positively to that man's Life, give that man peace of mind, support that man, you don't need to wait for him to start lamenting.

I know you have no feelings for that man, and you're with him out of Pity, stop Deceiving yourself and that man and do the needful.

A smart woman will never see anything wrong in equal contribution in order to move a home forward that she will still enjoy the Lion Share in the Long Run.

Simply put, I can tell you without Remorse that you're not Mentally ready for Marriage..go and meet your mother to educate you more on marriage.

Iamafinegirl:

These things wld still b there wit or without d sex. When sex tire am...or nothing fascinating about my body again. It would still raise up its ugly head back

bwambasolomon:
God bless you for saying the truth. Even though I never particularly asked her to pay for apples. What I know we started doing was to calculate all money spent on a particular day and shared on a 60-40 basis, and that was because the pastor suggested that when we went for counselling. Afterall we earn the same amount. She lives like a queen, I never let her sweep, I got someone to do that for us. She doesn't cook for me, I cook my food myself. She's always chilling in the AC, and for 1 year she never paid for her car to get washed or anything of the sort. She used to take the tin of Milo and milk, sit in the parlour and begin to just leak it, without using it for tea or anything, because she wasn't the one buying them. But after a very long time, that I finally complained about the milk and Milo getting finished within just about 3 days or so, she started buying hers but this time around, she hid them, and only bring them out to use for her pap or oat. Note that she was no longer just leaking as it used to be, apparently because she was the one now buying. The only thing I know she used to do was to bring small money for food, which was never enough, I bought food all the time, and made sure nothing was ever lacking in the house.
This complain that brought her to nairaland now is because of the 60-40 sharing formula that we adopted less than 1 month ago. We haven't done this 60-40 sharing formula for expenditures for upto 1 month oo, she's already in nairaland asking for people's opinion. Rent is not part of it oo, she won't buy fridge, ac, inverter, generator, mattress, fan, surveillance camera or TV oo. 60-40 is just food stuff, prepaid light and miscellaneous expenses, like repair of light if it spoils, or dstv subscription.
NB: I never asked any of my colleagues to talk to her, never!

DaddyRochie1642:
So you're the man she was talking about from her story,

I read your story on Nairaland front-page one time and your story and it struck me that your story had a similar pattern to her story but I couldn't figure it out but now it all makes sense.

Immediately I read her story,
I already knew that she left out vital parts in her story, I nobi small Pikin you know.

Never Ever try to use Money to Entice a woman if you want something Long-term with a woman....you can only useoney to entice a woman if you want something short-term with her.

The way you start with a woman, is the way you end with a woman (meaning, if you start showing a woman in the beginning that you have cash, she'll be attracted to that cash and not but you'll be fooled into believing that she'll attracted to you, and unfortunately, your brain now automatically becomes wired and start telling you that you need to spend more cash inorder to keep her, which is a very poor move on your part, that's why you see cases where as soon as the man's cahs flow stops, the woman will take her leave immediately in a very Ruthless manner because she was never attracted to you in the first place, she was only attracted to the cash and the lifestyle you could provide for her).

I would have loved to throw more light on this, but, I'll only end it with this question.
"Do you Like to read in your Spare time",
I know like two books to recommend to you that you can read if you want.

uthlaw:
�% correct!

bwambasolomon:
As a man who wants the best from any relationship, I would like to read the books you want to recommend.

Truvel:
hmmm, Anyway, We Av Not Heard His Side Of His Story 4 Us To Know Who Is At Fault.

DaddyRochie1642:
It's a good thing you're smart enough to want to read books, Nigerians I generally lazy when. It comes to reading books and I say this without Remorse.

Follow these Instructions.
If you're the type that like to read PDF files.
Go to www.pdfdrive.com, once the site ope ns, go to the "search" you see there and type in
"The Manipulated Man", the result will come out, proceed and download it.
And one,

After downloading the Manipulated Man,
Type in the search space again,
"The Predatory Female", the result will come out and proceed to download,

Do yourself a Favor and read those books with great Understanding, for your own good.

Follow those instructions up there,
Reach out to me when you feel my assistance is needed, as long as I'm alive and in good health, I should be able to respond.


Oh i almost forgot, am curious,
How did you know her story was on Nairaland already, you both were Nairalanders??

Iamafinegirl:
To think he told me he wld offer me perfect love,
Love unconditional....he always used the word “purest form of love”.
Wat I would be loosing if I didn’t accept him and hid proposal...how women fail to accept good men as blessing from God and don’t get to see it and later go to marry someone evil....how he would take so good care of me.
Men and speech ehn...
Oh boy if I remember the sweet talk, I dey weak.
Men r scam

Truvel:
hmmm, Anyway, We Av Not Heard His Side Of His Story 4 Us To Know Who Is At Fault.

sanity12:
If everything u said is actually the truth, My sister run o, make e no reach time he go dey count Maggi wey u go put for soup , make e no dey go market go grind pepper so u no go cheat am


By d way why staying at his place full-time...see finish self don dey d matter....

bwambasolomon:
I never particularly asked her to pay for apples. What I know we started doing was to calculate all money spent on a particular day and shared on a 60-40 basis, and that was because the pastor suggested that when we went for counselling. Afterall we earn the same amount. She lives like a queen, I never let her sweep, I got someone to do that for us. She doesn't cook for me, I cook my food myself. She's always chilling in the AC, and for 1 year she never paid for her car to get washed or anything of the sort. She used to take the tin of Milo and milk, sit in the parlour and begin to just leak it, without using it for tea or anything, because she wasn't the one buying them. But after a very long time, that I finally complained about the milk and Milo getting finished within just about 3 days or so, she started buying hers but this time around, she hid them, and only bring them out to use for her pap or oat. Note that she was no longer just leaking as it used to be, apparently because she was the one now buying. The only thing I know she used to do was to bring small money for food, which was never enough, I bought food all the time, and made sure nothing was ever lacking in the house.
This complain that brought her to nairaland now is because of the 60-40 sharing formula that we adopted less than 1 month ago. We haven't done this 60-40 sharing formula for expenditures for upto 1 month oo, she's already in nairaland asking for people's opinion. Rent is not part of it oo, she won't buy fridge, ac, inverter, generator, mattress, fan, surveillance camera or TV oo. 60-40 is just food stuff, prepaid light and miscellaneous expenses, like repair of light if it spoils, or dstv subscription.
NB: I never asked any of my colleagues to talk to her, never!

bwambasolomon:
This is my own side of the story:
I never particularly asked her to pay for apples. What I know we started doing was to calculate all money spent on a particular day and shared on a 60-40 basis, and that was because the pastor suggested that when we went for counselling. Afterall we earn the same amount. She lives like a queen, I never let her sweep, I got someone to do that for us. She doesn't cook for me, I cook my food myself. She's always chilling in the AC, and for 1 year she never paid for her car to get washed or anything of the sort. She used to take the tin of Milo and milk, sit in the parlour and begin to just leak it, without using it for tea or anything, because she wasn't the one buying them. But after a very long time, that I finally complained about the milk and Milo getting finished within just about 3 days or so, she started buying hers but this time around, she hid them, and only bring them out to use for her pap or oat. Note that she was no longer just leaking as it used to be, apparently because she was the one now buying. The only thing I know she used to do was to bring small money for food, which was never enough, I bought food all the time, and made sure nothing was ever lacking in the house.
This complain that brought her to nairaland now is because of the 60-40 sharing formula that we adopted less than 1 month ago. We haven't done this 60-40 sharing formula for expenditures for upto 1 month oo, she's already in nairaland asking for people's opinion. Rent is not part of it oo, she won't buy fridge, ac, inverter, generator, mattress, fan, surveillance camera or TV oo. 60-40 is just food stuff, prepaid light and miscellaneous expenses, like repair of light if it spoils, or dstv subscription.
NB: I never asked any of my colleagues to talk to her, never!
(Modify) (Quote) (Report) (Share)

Iamafinegirl:
To think he told me he wld offer me perfect love,
Love unconditional....he always used the word “purest form of love”.
Wat I would be loosing if I didn’t accept him and hid proposal...how women fail to accept good men as blessing from God and don’t get to see it and later go to marry someone evil....how he would take so good care of me.
Men and speech ehn...
Oh boy if I remember the sweet talk, I dey weak.
Men r scam

Priam:
In the long run, Nice Guys are not really nice at all.

He was the typical nice guy, Simping for you and when you finally accepted him after 1 and half years (WTF!!!) he's ended up showing his real self and discarding his toga of niceness.

Please I need your help or view point in this matter. Am I just over reacting at is this a red flag to which I need to run far away from?
My current boo asked me out for like one and half year, it was like it’s either me or no one else. His friends and bosses in his office had to speak to me to consider him as I might be missing a good man and how crazy he is about me.
I finally accepted.
I decided to move in with him after a while just to see what marriage to him would feel like with him. I have stayed a year with him and it’s void of sex and kissing.
When I came he would say they should put on the gen anytime there was no light for me and all, he was sweet.
With time he started complaining that he was buying all the food in the house and I wasn’t contributing as much as he wants.
He eats about 5 times a day while I eat twice or one and half times (fruit, oat and pap) a day because me I am watching my weight.
He would complain the milk he bought had finished and all...and it was with some level of anger or bitterness about buying the food stuff.
Pls note that I consume 25% - 30% of all he eats.
I later started buying my milk to avoid issues since I knew that’s what I consume most (with my oat or pap) which makes one of my meal for the day but he was angry about me buying it separately but I did that because I felt there would be peace that way. I would still buy milk and keep and he can say I am using more than he is using inside the milk
He complained about repairs (light), complained about buying dstv subscription, nepa light payment etc. You just list any house thing he started complained about doing it.
I on my path do contribute the way I spent before I came to stay with him. (I wasn’t a huge spender as I eat very small food) and so my money use to remain which he used to borrow from me when we werent together.
We had a him 60k and me 40k arrangement for food fuel light etc but we never put it together and so each week I did ensure I spend 10k. But apparently he wasn’t seeing it. I would come from market and he would say what is all this, this is worth 5k. It use to hurt so much because I wld show him the list but he would still say this same thing. I have never asked him how much he bought things if he goes to market talk less if say it’s not up to a certain amount.
He said later that he can’t marry a woman who works and won’t contribute for light, food, repair, gen etc....
So even today we contributed for dstv 4700, I paid half and he paid half.
It looks sort of absurd and a no no to me
Yesterday he bought apples 800 naira and I paid half and he paid half....
And so that’s how the current life would be....
I contributed to the rent also but he said no... that he would “dash me” rent. I shouldn’t pay so I won’t come tomorrow and say I contributed to the house rent. I even said ok use the money for food and other things you complain about, but he said he won’t collect it under the umbrella of house rent that never.
I see it upside down for a man to be saying he is paying rent and see it that he is dashing me. When I can pay my rent by myself and he knows fully well. If I was living alone the same way he has been living alone, won’t I do my repair, dstv subscription etc without asking anybody? So why is it a big deal the moment I stepped in? This are things if my friend came to live with me to God who made me I would do/ take responsibility for because the dstv subscription I would have paid for before won’t change with your presence...the only thing that may change is water and food and so if they contributed it would go towards that.
This is dating phase, please what marriage would become of this.
Am I the one at fault?
I need honest reviews so I can know if I am having problem and if I need to work on myself or if I need to run.
My parents marriage wasn’t like this my dad bought food and mum did other investments for the family or so and it was never an issue or was there a specific fight that you, you are not buying enough milk on the house or I can’t see d 10k food u said you just bought...it doesn’t look it etc.
He would also say me I want to be saving my money and all.
Pls what’s d way forward or backward married folks, married men and women, what am I not seeing that you can see?